Who's scared of the Big Bad Wolf?
by PepperonyOwl
Summary: AU GITF. Her first Doctor had loved Rose enough to put her first; her second Doctor loved her like a goddess - distant, but fiercely. Neither of them ever understood how much she had sacrificed for them, how many dimensions she'd seen, how many wars, how many she'd loved and lost. Her third Doctor learned that Bad Wolf was a name to be feared; in every dimension. And she was his.
1. I create myself

Hi Everyone... If you haven't heard from me before, yay - no bad rep! Otherwise, I'm so sorry, I'm working on it and I won't abandon any fanfic! Ever! This plot bunny has caused me many a sleepless night over the last month, so I've finally taken heart to sit down and write again.

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. I own nothing and no one and I'm not getting any money for this.

Pairing: Doctor/Rose (as if that wasn't obvious)

Beta: Looking. Any volunteers? Any help would be appreciated. IM me or leave a review.

Warnings: AU and OOC

* * *

Five months. Five long months and still no sign of _him_.

The blonde woman found herself staring at the dark, empty and seemingly endless corridors of the blue ship. Light had long since been economised on due to both their needs to keep running as long as possible. She found herself wondering once again what Mickey was doing, how long it had been for him - three months? Three days? Three hours? Years? Decades? Had he guessed what happened when the Tardis' doors had closed behind him and the ship had disappeared in front of his eyes? Did he know? Did he tell her mum?

Another long-suffering sigh escaped slightly cracked lips as her body sank down to the floor. Every part of her was screaming, begging not to do it, to escape, to run... except she knew beyond a doubt that here was no escape. That this was the only way to keep living, no, surviving. Her current way of life couldn't be called living. Barely any food, kept healthy by supplements only, exercising by swimming in the pool - water the only luxury she'd had that didn't have to be economised on. Even the heating had dropped to temperatures that required her to keep moving constantly or curl up under a mountain of blankets and duvets (thankfully, she was not lacking in that respect at least).

And besides, her only friend needed it - to keep them both alive, to await their thief's return - Rose blinked and it took another second before her mind had caught up to the thought that had gotten away from her. He wasn't her thief, no, if anything he was her saviour, the man who had rescued her and shown her what life could be like. The Tardis was the one he'd stolen. But sometimes, these days, it was difficult to separate their thoughts, to discern which part was her and which part were seemingly innocuous barely remembered glimpses of timelines or the Tardis' thoughts.

Bonding with the ship in the way she was simply wasn't done. Not only was it insanely dangerous considering what you were forcing into your body - never mind your brain - but, more importantly, you were essentially sharing your heart and mind with an eleven-dimensional being that's hundreds of years old. No matter how well-intentioned the Tardis was towards her, her mind operated on wavelengths even the Timelords couldn't begin to fathom. And it was overwhelming to a human - the sheer fact that Rose had withstood it the first time sufficiently to still be herself - somewhat - spoke not only of the sheer love the old girl held towards her, but also her own sheer single-minded determination and spirit.

Hands fastened on the grating, Rose breathed in deeply and centered herself. She couldn't just force herself through it; bitter experience had taught her that much. No, she needed to want it, to remember her reasons for going through with this, her reasons which would always align with the Tardis'.

Protect the Doctor. Save him.

Another breath - her life, her humanity, she'd given it all up to him. And she'd continue doing so, now and forever, every day until he returned or until her body gave in.

The grating fell away and blinding golden light filled the console room and the Tardis song thrummed through her head until all other thoughts fell away and only one was left - My Doctor, My Thief... everything aligned and she could almost feel the inner explosion as all of time and space spread out before her.

* * *

_It felt the same as it always did, an unusual familiarity in the sensation of her mind and body separating until all pains and aches fell away and her awareness of her body had left entirely. And then she was awash in a sea of gold, a calming hum she identified as the Tardis around her and spread throughout all the timelines she saw floating up ahead._

_Her mind subconsciously reached out for one, caressing the golden strand and, instead of the future she'd expected, the past rose around her. _

_\- "I suppose you think you're very clever." - "Well, without any undue modesty, yes!"_

_Bad Wolf smiled softly. Her Doctor, her thief. She reached for another strand, letting that one drift back to intertwine, fall back and spread out around the others. Her senses were only slowly attuning themselves back to the influx of information and she still had trouble discerning past and future as she reached for the next one._

_\- "Stay calm! Just one question... Do you happen to know how to fly this thing?"_

_The urge to laugh at her newly regenerated Doctor - a potential future version, this time, her mind asserted - rose up in her but died down just as quickly. She picked up another point in that strand of time, but then allowed it to drop unseen, instead attention fixed on the strand that showed the Doctor's past._

_At her command she could see various points of the Doctor's life play out before her. She'd looked for happy moments, not wanting to see the pain he'd had to endure in the past; pain she couldn't fix or help with. _

_\- "What do you mean, 'maybe'? What do you think it is? A space helmet for a cow?"_

_\- "A little gratitude wouldn't irretrievably damage my ego."_

_\- "Quite so. What I don't comprehend is why you want me dead. No. No, let me rephrase that. It would satisfy my curiosity to know why you should go to such extraordinary lengths to kill me."_

_\- "I hope you are not about to lecture __me__ about taste, Doctor?" - "I'm not sure what you mean."_

_\- "And stupid! If the square on the hypotenuse equals the sum of the square on the other two sides, why is a mouse when it spins? ... Never did know the answer to that one."_

_\- "You're being childish!" - "Well, of course I'm being childish! There's no point being grown-up if you can't be childish sometimes."_

_\- "We've come out of the time vortex at the wrong point, that's all. A few years too late." - "How many?" - "...30,000."_

_\- "Homo sapiens. What an inventive, invincible species. It's only a few million years since they crawled up out of the mud and learned to walk. Puny, defenceless bipeds. They've survived flood, famine and plague. They've survived cosmic wars and holocausts. And now, here they are, out among the stars, waiting to begin a new life. Ready to outsit eternity. They're indomitable. Indomitable."_

* * *

_Her lips wanted to curve into a smile at the Doctor's speech. He'd always been unduly fascinated by their species but unlike the rest of the Time Lords he'd actually developed a sort of admiration for them. Her mind, carried by the positive emotions, almost automatically sought out her most like future path with the Doctor. Again. As she'd done every time here - and every time she'd had to ask the Tardis to lock the knowledge away from her until the next time she entered her Heart and carried the Vortex in her mind._

_Up here (or was it down?) it was easy to see what could be fixed and what couldn't - fixed points in time, potential timelines and new possible futures were spread all around her and flew up at her will. She knew what could be changed - and, by default, what couldn't. But she was human - and the idea of having to go through all that without the reassurance of the more disastrous futures at her fingertips, made her fairly certain that one point or another she'd break and either reveal to the Doctor or attempt to change things on her own; either possibility ended in catastrophes of previously unknown proportions._

_Hers and the Doctor's timelines were intertwined from the moment they met - as all his previous companion's had been with him. But hers would leave and return, again and again, and, in the most likely current future set out before her, she would stay with him. Rose Tyler and the Doctor - in the Tardis, forever. The way it should be. Could be. Might be... if it all went right - no, wrong but in the right way. Without it, the Doctor would die and with him the entire universe; a consequence that was entirely unacceptable, even if it meant she'd have to go through all the pain and suffering she'd seen._

_Almost unwillingly, her mind traced along the strands and important moments floated up and rose around her on their own accord, their events causing almost bumps in the timeline; either of monumental importance to the universe but, more likely, of emotional importance to one of them, twining their timelines ever tighter together, reaching for one another._

_\- "Am I ever going to see you again?" - "You can't."_

_\- "That friend of yours... What was her name?" - "Her name was Rose."_

_\- "Oh, but look. There's still one word with the power of the day." - "The naming won't work on me." "Oh but your heart grows cold... The north wind blows and carries down the distant... Rose?" - "Oh, big mistake! 'Cause that name keeps me fighting."_

_\- "If you talk to Rose, just tell her... tell her... Oh, she knows."_

_\- "NOO! Hold on!" _

_\- "Systems closed." - "NO! BRING ME BACK!"_

_\- "Your friend, the one you lost, did she trust you?" - "Yes, she did. And she's not dead; she's so alive."_

_\- "Being stuck with you... that's not so bad."_

_\- "I love you." - "Quite right too... And I suppose, if it's my last chance to say it, Rose Tyler-" _

_\- "I'm in orbit around a supernova. I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye."_

_\- "I'm not the first, am I? How many women have you abducted?" - "That's my friend's." - "Where is she then? Hopped out for a space walk?" - "She's gone." - "Gone where?" - "I lost her."_

_\- "I spent Christmas Day just over there; the Powell Estate with this... family. My friend, she had this... family. Still... Gone now."_

_\- "They took her face! They just took her face and left her in the street! And, as a result, that makes things very, very simple. Now there's no power on this earth, that's going to stop me."_

_\- "I had... It was recently... Rose - Her name was Rose. And- we were together."_

_\- "Now, first things first. Have you got a Rose Tyler on board?" - "I'm here! It's me!"_

_\- "Staring me right in the face and I can't see it... Rose would know. This friend of mine, Rose, right know, she'd say exactly the right thing."_

_\- "No one's ever meant to have that power. And if a time lord did that, he'd become a god; a vengeful god. But she was human. Everything she did was so human."_

_\- "She's gone, Jack. She's not just living in a parallel world, she's trapped there. The walls have closed."_

_\- "How long are you going to stay with me?" - "Forever."_

_\- "What did she look like?" - "She was... blonde." - "What was her name?" - "I don't know." - "Donna, what was her name?" - "She told me... to warn you... she said two words." - "What two words? What wording? What did she say?" - "Bad Wolf."_

_\- "You're clever... clever enough to save the world. So don't stop there."_

_\- "Except that implies... in this big grand scheme of gods and devils... that she's just a victim. Now, I've seen a lot of this universe. I've seen fake gods, bad gods, demi-gods, would-be-gods... and out of all that, out of that whole pantheon, if I believe in one thing, just one thing... I believe in her."_

_\- "You two... who are you?" - "Oh... Stuff of Legends."_

_\- "No, I'm going to wait for the Doctor... Just like he'd wait for me."_

_Slowly she allowed the pulsing timeline to subside and find its place amongst the billions and trillions of other potential futures that were laid out. If she never went to Bad Wolf Bay the first time, if she never got lost in that other universe, the Doctor wouldn't get the warning about the stars going out, wouldn't regenerate and Donna wouldn't be able to swoop in and save the Doctor and with him and his 'hand' the world. _

_So many things could go wrong, but one thing she could change... she wouldn't let him drop her off at Bad Wolf Bay a second time. Under no circumstances would she allow him to leave her behind. There was nothing to be gained by it, and everything to be lost. The timelines which involved her escaping that dimension a second time were few and far between... exclude any which included her stranded in the void and there were only a handful left out of several billion, no trillion potential timelines._

_Bad Wolf once again stared out at the time vortex, the amount of timelines stretched out between, below and above and everywhere around here, all emitting faint lines. The Doctor's own, doubling back over itself frequently, jumped between all of them, intertwining with a few for short periods and stretching out over the cosmos, saving entire planetary systems as he went along. Even her own timeline had changed once it had touched his. She was no longer just a faint colour running among millions, looking like just any other human... _

_No, her own timeline was irrevocably intertwined with the Tardis and the time vortex. Time Lords only ever caught glimpses of the wonder and terror the vortex offered them, they saw timelines but never their own. The Tardis saw everything, every possibility, every reality, here and now, everything that could be, would be and never was. And Bad Wolf... she saw something no three-dimensional person had ever seen. All of time and space at her finger tips. The vortex's power at her beck and call should she wish to use the endless power it offered her. _

_There was no other like her, nor would there ever be in any universe or any reality. There was only ever one Rose Tyler, only one Bad Wolf. It would only ever take a thought from her and she could extinguish people's timelines. Her power was as limitless as the time vortex... as long as she could bear to hold it within her, at least. The Doctor's return was impending, close - soon they'd be reunited._

_And now it was time to let go. Her body called to her, the strain having brought it to its limits once again. Bad Wolf wondered why it was so easy to leave all this wonder, all this power behind. It should've been hard or at least a decision to be made. The power alone should have been addictive, even if the terror might have incited the decision to run... But no, this was something different, and it took a moment to pinpoint._

_Power was... nothing. Rose Tyler didn't care. More power, less power... none of it made a difference to her. All that mattered was the Doctor and power was only a means to an end. A means that had cost her the last version of her Doctor, something to be treated cautiously and used sparingly. The only reason she'd done it now was for Mickey's and the Tardis' survival. _

_Bad Wolf surveyed the chaos and order that was the time vortex, sent a last silent goodbye out to the Tardis before submitting to the call of her mortal body._

* * *

She blinked sluggishly, trying to focus on the clock in front of her. Three and a quarter hours... either that or fifteen and a quarter. God, she hoped it had been only three, even though she knew full well it had been fifteen. Her hold on the vortex was growing stronger every time.

Her last vaguely coherent thought was that at least the console room had grown brighter, before pain overwhelmed any other conscious thoughts. Her limbs trembled, muscles ached as though she'd run a marathon and her entire body writhed against her will. Screams escaped her throat, just her body looking for another - any - release from the overwhelming suffering as the foreign particles rushed through her body, forced minute changes in her cells, forcing her very biology through yet another rewrite and her body protested again, as it had so often - and, as always, fruitless, forced to bow to the greater power of the time vortex as the rest of her body followed suit and adopted the newly rewritten cells as its own.

But her head was the worst - childhood, teenage years and her short adult life were scrambled and fired across in a rushed blur in no particular order while trying to rewrite the synapses, to allow the foreign intrusion further without frying any more memories. She didn't know how many she'd lost in her first forays with the Tardis before her brain had sufficiently adjusted to allow her to take in the vortex without losing precious - or maybe less precious, no way to tell since they were irretrievably gone from her mind - memories. It wasn't so much a matter of building more brain - humans had plenty of brain, thank you very much, more of a matter of building more sophisticated matter and synapses, allowing more memories and faster access.

And she could always feel afterwards just a bit more of the golden threads of time and the song of the Tardis, interweaved with her own memories. She dreaded to think what would happen if she were ever mentally separated from the ship. The connection between them by now seemed to be just that - inseparable. Her very existence and the ships were wrapped around one another. She had given up her mind, her memories and her humanity for him, her Doctor, before she ever understood what she'd done. And now, since then, she'd knowingly opened the grating, time and again, knowing exactly how much havoc she was wreaking and how much she was changing herself, knowing what she was giving up - and she wondered if that wasn't the hardest of all.

Another blink from her as more conscious thoughts intruded and her body shivered - this time with the cold from the air and the cold sweat she was covered in. Experience told her it would be another ten minutes at least before she'd have sufficient strength to reach for the blanket next to her, but that still didn't stop the instinctive attempt to grab it. She bit her bottom lip the next moment, eyes shut, frantically praying for the pain to abate. Her body needed time to settle.

"You okay?"

It took a moment for her to realise she'd closed her eyes to the exhaustion and she opened them. The figure in front of her was heart-breakingly familiar, as was the slight see through quality. Her northern Doctor, leather jacket and all, was kneeling beside her, blue eyes focused on her. Only instead of concern and affection, his eyes were cold; she knew why.

"Don't-" Rose coughed, thus interrupting her attempt to speak. She swallowed some of her own saliva to moisten her throat which was still rough from her earlier screams. "Don't expend too much energy."

Her northern Doctor cocked his head to the side inquisitively. "You were in need of reaffirmations, Rose Tyler. Your spirit is waning."

The blonde let out a dry chuckle even as she forced her body into compliance and hefting herself upright before dragging the blanket over her cold body. She was still shivering - good. When the shivering stopped, that's when you had to worry.

Her eyes, still glazed with a disconcertingly familiar mix of pain and exhaustion, found the Doctor's again. She appreciated the Tardis' silent acknowledgment of her request not to show her his current face or form. She missed that him, too, of course, but that him was the one who'd also hurt her and until his actual return she didn't want to see him; it would only amplify the pain.

Northern him never had hurt her that way. The lack of emotion in his eyes was still somewhat unsettling, but as the Tardis had no physical body, a projected image was the best she could do, so emotions would never really be a part of it. She could feel it though, an almost visible current running between her and the ship, could feel the deep well of concern in the old girl and smiled softly in response.

"'s okay. 'm just a bit tired, that's all. I mean, I know he's coming back and all... but I... sometimes I wonder if I'll still be here, is all. The windows to her time are closed and the system is out of synch. Five minutes for him could be five years for us and I... I just don't know if I can last that long. I... I miss him. This him, last him..." the tears never came, as they often hadn't in the last month. She'd spent too many crying over him anyway.

"'m fine, don't worry so much. We'll be fine, we'll keep on surviving."

"And yet, that is the very thing concerning me. There have been a lot of humans wandering my halls over the centuries, and utilising the word surviving suggests an important distinction to living. You know yourself that most of the timelines suggest a reunion in the very near future. Keep faith, Rose Tyler, and keep spirit." Her northern Doctor's hand hovered inches from her cheeks, a gesture so tender and familiar; it finally drew the healing tears forth even as she refused to close her eyes, refused to lose sight of the man in front of her.

"To allow you maximum comfort and retain the pool until our next union, I will close down the projection." Her Doctor disappeared the same moment her face twisted into a grimace.

"Don't say union - that sounds... weird." She could almost see the smirk on the projection's face before the last particles disbursed into the air, leaving no trace of him. "Thanks, old girl." The wordless, answering emotion flooded through her from the ship, along with a sense of mischief.

A tired chuckle escaped her. The Tardis was very much like her thief - old and experienced in ways Rose found difficult to comprehend and yet so childlike frequently in attitude.

She missed him - her Doctor.

She still remembered the first time she'd understood that he actually cared for her. Her first Doctor had just been fresh from a war he'd fought in for god-knows-how-long and he'd just lost his entire species... and yet...

* * *

"Here, one room just for you courtesy of the Tardis."

Rose blinked. He'd told her the ship was a living being, but the thought was still difficult to comprehend and accept. It simply didn't look like any living being - even the trees she'd seen had faces, eyes, something that made them familiar and tangible as sentient beings.

"Erm... thank you?", her voice and eyes were uncertainly directed towards the ceiling, but she didn't miss the Doctor rolling his eyes at her. She'd blushed then and stuck out her tongue at him, causing his lips to twist into an amused smile for a short moment.

"So... See you tomorrow then, Doctor?"

Another eye roll but she interrupted him before he could talk.

"Nope, don't want to hear it. I'm off to bed, stupid apes needing sleep and all that." His gaze was searching for a moment, and the effort to keep the smile on her lips was harder than it should have been. Finally, he shrugged and acquiesced with a murmured 'Night'.

She smiled warmly and slipped into her room, allowing the door to close behind her before the first tears finally slipped down her face. Her body shook under the silent tremors as more and more tears escaped. Rose gasped for breath, her throat oddly choked and finally crawled into a corner of the room, grabbing a nearby cushion to hug to her chest for comfort.

It was hard. There was no doubt that it was worth it and that she loved travelling with him but... she hadn't appreciated it before. People had died on Earth, even Wilson, the chief engineer, someone she'd known... but it hadn't really affected her then, she hadn't really grasped it's... permanency, in a way. But this time, Gwyneth, she had been so young - younger than herself probably - and she hadn't even had time to experience life. She'd had the same life as Rose used to have - before the Doctor; get up, go to work, go to bed, a never-ending cycle of survival. But Rose had had her mum, Mickey and Shireen and experienced friends, love, life. And then the Doctor had shown her the stars.

Gwyneth had none of that. She'd never even kissed the boy she fancied - and now she was dead. Dead in a gloomy basement in Cardiff, saving the world and giving her life in the process - and no one would ever know. Unremarked by history and survived by none that would remember the brave, young woman who was the only reason Rose was even alive and had a London to live and work in, in her time.

More tears and another choked breath escaped as she tried to muffle her sobs, curled up in the corner of the dark room, breathing in the soft scent of leather as she tried desperately to calm herself.

It took another few moments before the realisation really took hold and she found herself glancing up into the dark blue eyes of the Doctor. Swallowing, she wiped away the tears, trying to wipe away the tears.

"Sorry, 'm fine, Doctor, really."

She heard the long sigh from the man above her before she felt his arms encompass her easily; one beneath her knees and one on her waist and within seconds she was airborne as he carried her to bed.

Her heart raced and she couldn't help but stare at him even as her hand automatically grabbed his jacket to secure herself. The next moment the Doctor had gently laid her down into bed with uncharacteristic tenderness. Her hands only slowly released his leather jacket, watching with a faintly bemused air as he plopped down on the edge of the bed next to her.

"Now, I'm not really good at this bit." She watched as he squirmed ever so slightly before settling down and looking at her. His blue eyes were firm and steadfast in their declaration and yet soft in their emotions for her. Rose felt as though all breath had left her and for the first time in her life, she felt as though for this one person, in this moment in time, she really was the centre of the universe. No outside distractions, nothing would tear him away from her until she was well and truly ready to let him go. Not even his own discomfort.

"But if you need an ear - or a shoulder... I'm here."

The tears came before she'd even made a conscious decision and the first silent sob shook her. She let go and cried the way she normally only would in the quiet and darkened room, away from all eyes and she felt herself being pulled into an almost hug, felt her body cradled safely in his arms, his lips planting a warm, soft kiss on her hair.

Her throat was tight and choked and the only noises she emitted were the occasional sniffle and the air being hastily expelled when she felt lightheaded from holding her breath too much. She felt more than heard the Doctor's chest heave with a deep sigh.

"It's okay, Rose. I'm here. Not gonna leave, me. Been around for a while now and found it's rather hard to get rid of me, you see, and ... look, all I'm saying is, you can let go."

The puzzled look in her eyes must have been obvious in spite of the redness and the tears when she chanced a glance up to him. She could feel the sorrow in him when he pulled her closer than before and pressed his lips to her forehead in a rare display of affection.

"Stupid apes." Her tears had subsided somewhat and she was just concentrating on evening her breaths out now while waiting on the Doctor's clarification of his thoughts. The only reason she'd not shoved him away upon his words of stupid apes were the affection she'd heard in the term for the first time - and the sadness.

"There's a reason you can hear a baby cry and why some spoilt children will burst into tears when they don't get what they want. It's a cry for help and kids have figured out that if you cry your pain out to the world, someone will come and help you and get what you want... The only reason for kids and adults to cry that silently - barely making a noise, the way you are... is you've learned that no one's gonna come and help you. No one will come to wipe the tears away and make it all better. No one is going to care..."

Rose stared at him, heart aching as the words resonated in the empty room. She had long ago learnt that people may come when you're crying, but they never help and all you do is make them feel bad and expose your vulnerability; it hadn't come as a conscious decision then but she'd started muffling her cries and grown steadily quieter, curling up with her teddy pressed tightly to her chest until she finally fell asleep.

The blue eyes above her had darkened, correctly reading her nonverbal response and dropping another affectionate kiss on her forehead.

"I will always come. I will always be there. I may not be able to fix it, but I will listen and help if I can. I'm here, Rose. And I'm not gonna leave."

She tried to bite back the sobs, quieten the tears, but they refused to be calmed and she soon flung herself at him, hugging him tightly to her, as she fully descended into a sobbing, incoherent mess, trying to vaguely explain about Gwyneth between the tears - rather unsuccessfully by the confused frown on his face - but that didn't matter. What mattered was that he was still here. That he held her in spite of his own discomfort at the closeness. That he cared enough for her to drop everything else just to take care of her.

She'd never come first before.

Shareen was very much your typical gossip-girl. She'd been a more superfluous girl and not prone to deep emotions as Rose was. They were good friends, but she wasn't the sort of girl who'd analyse things or who you'd go to for advise on sorting problems out.

Mickey was a good friend too, the one who'd helped her find herself again after the Jimmy Stone debacle... But Mickey loved sports and he was a typical guy; could talk endlessly about machines but only ever had half an ear on what Rose was saying. Even when she'd just escaped the explosion at Henrik's he'd been keen to go to the bar and watch Sports rather than help her get over the shock or listen to her emotional problems. A great friend, there in a pinch, but never someone to put her first.

Her mum... her mum was great. Even when they barely had enough to make the food that week, she'd always made sure that Christmas was celebrated at their house and invited all their friends so it was a warm, family dinner. Even if they had no money for presents, there had been plenty of love. But her mum had been very lonely after her father's death and she'd started looking for men to, as she said, provide a role model for her daughter and help with the income. And, Rose silently added, to chase away the loneliness.

Some men were good, some not so much. None had ever touched her, but one or two had become abusive towards her mum. And some had resented the responsibility of children. Her mum hadn't noticed, too distracted by the new relationship, when Rose had to make her own breakfast. Or her own lunch for school. Or her own dinner; or all three.

On one memorable occasion, the first anniversary of her father's death, her mum had spent the entire weekend in a drunken stupor and Rose had been forced to provide for herself and take care of her mum. And then, when she had first gone to school, she'd given it her all and done her best in all her classes. Her goal had been to make her mum happy, to make her smile. All the work, stress and loss had aged her quicker than it should have and made her frequently upset. That was not the way it should be and, to her young mind, she'd thought Jackie would be proud that her daughter was good at school...

Instead, she'd caught her in the middle of putting on the uniform for her second job and her mother had told her words she'd frequently repeated since then. Rose was not to be getting airs, and all she'd ever do was work in a shop. Any time she'd brought good tests home, her mum went on the same rant about not getting above herself and soon she learned to hide the tests and to simply achieve merely a passing mark; her mother was certainly happier then. She'd understood then that she simply wasn't enough - not good enough at anything to make her mum happy.

Her mum never meant to; she loved her, of that Rose was certain. But sometimes she needed to forget that she had a daughter so that she could forget about Pete. And sometimes she needed the reassurance that her daughter would not abandon her, as her father had done; that she wouldn't be left behind alone. Not again. But as a consequence her mother had never once asked what it was that Rose wanted to be or do, what she aspired to, what she wanted for her life.

Even though he was long gone, Pete still always seemed to come first and Rose second. She'd never had anyone who put her first, anyone who cared more about her dreams and her problems or her emotions rather than their own. She'd never been good enough, other people had always been better or more enticing - whatever, others had always come first.

Until now she'd thought that there would never be anyone like that. There would never be someone who'd just sit there and listen, no one who'd just hold her and no one who'd ever tell her she could be anyone she wanted to be.

Until him. Until the Doctor had swept into her life. Even now he was consoling her, helping her when no one else ever had. The entire universe, every woman past and future at his fingertips and he'd chosen her. She was the entire focus of this brilliant man that went around all of time and space saving entire planets as he had on the first day she met him.

It was awe-inspiring. And for just a moment she felt her heart swell with affection for this man; a man she'd barely known for a few days and yet he'd already wormed his way into her heart and mind.

And he was the man who put Rose Tyler first. The tears came again, new ones came running down her face with alarming frequency, but yet her lips had curled into a smile as she burrowed herself closer into his jacket, breathing in the mixed scent of smoke from the explosion, leather and Doctor... and it soothed away a pain deep within she hadn't known existed until then.

* * *

He'd spent the night in her bed - innocently, thank you very much. She'd never clarified whether it was because of her death grip on him or because he'd wanted to be there for her. The next day he made no mention of the vulnerable side of herself she'd exposed to him and she felt her affection for him amplify all the more for it.

Maybe that was why they had both been so horrified at the police's suggestion of sex just the following day; it was like being caught red-handed in bed together the previous night even though nothing untoward had taken place.

But ever since then she had been able to coax the Doctor - though wisely omitting any mention that these things could be 'misconstrued' as domestic - into a more relaxed, display of affection around her. He was frequently reading Charles Dickens to her when they both curled up on the couch in the library until she was too sleepy to move and he'd end up carrying her to bed. Though admittedly sometimes he read Shakespeare to her and at other times still he'd read her Sherlock Holmes novels. She loved it - all of it. Listening to his northern voice reading out stories, imitating voices until he had her in his arms, shaking with laughter, a barely-there smile curling up his lips; a real one, not one of the fake, wide ones he used to hide his pain.

There were rare times when she managed to convince him to bring her to pink beaches with green water and had delighted in seeing him blush at her bikini. Most times they cooked together, the Doctor patiently explaining unfamiliar ingredients from future or past times and different planets as they experimented together and left the more traditional recipes behind. A few times she'd managed to convince him to watch movies with her; she enjoyed his sarcastic and non-stop commentary, bursting into laughter and exchanging teasing remarks and smiles with him... and during all that time, they grew closer.

Even when Jack was onboard, he'd only seemed to intensify their natural chemistry. Jack had been full of innuendo and teases, frequently causing her Doctor to growl and reach for Rose and giving the other man clear signals that she was unavailable and to back off. A few times he'd stomped off in a huff, which usually meant Rose would find him in her room, waiting for her; those days he'd sleep in her bed, ranting for hours until she'd successfully teased him out of his mood or until she fell asleep. But he'd always stay until morning, even if she barely ever saw him sleep, he'd always stay there... watching over her.

That man had put her first. That man had loved her. And even though this version was far more physically needy, even though this man had told her "Not to you", even though he'd been the one who would've been described - at least visually - as more her type, he'd also been the one to prove what she'd learnt when she was much younger.

Rose Tyler was not enough. She'd not been good enough for her mum - no marks high enough, not clever enough, good enough to make her mum love her unconditionally. She'd not been enough for Mickey; not interested enough in Sports, not a good enough girlfriend to warrant more attention than any of his other best mates were getting. No one had ever put her first, no one had ever loved her unconditionally; but her first Doctor had. He said he hadn't changed - different personality and looks, but same emotions, same memories... if that was true... then what had she done? Was it because she hadn't believed in him when he'd changed?

She didn't know. All she knew was that all this Doctor had done was to try and re-establish the boundaries. He hadn't come to her at night anymore, no more casual kisses on her forehead and only one evening had been spent in the library together just before meeting Sarah Jane. Somehow, once again, she'd circled right back to being not good enough. Somehow, his love for her had become conditional. Somehow, she'd once again taken second place and he had been gone for months now with the precious, beautiful, French aristocrat. The woman who outstripped Rose Tyler on all levels; more intelligent, far ahead of her time in her views, more beautiful, better at pretty much anything she could think of - music, history, debate. Clever and cultured - how could he resist? How, indeed?

She wasn't stupid enough to think he loved her. The Doctor knew her fate; she'd die in a few short years; far too young, really. But, more importantly, he wouldn't fall for anyone on a superficial level. He judged people by their actions not their words. But she'd certainly enticed him. A renowned courtesan, beloved of the King of France, interested in him. This version of the Doctor craved physical touch the way she did, always seeking out her hand, a hug and now kisses from courtesans.

Rose sighed. This wasn't helping. She knew he'd had to leave - knew with certainty that he had to rescue her to keep the timelines intact. Madame de Pompadour was a vital part of history that couldn't be allowed to disappear.

But why hadn't he taken her along? Why had he left her behind? God, she wished Mickey was still here. He'd been a good distraction at least and he'd provided her with some much needed human contact even if it was just hugs after yet another fight.

But she'd had to send him home. There hadn't been much of a choice left at that stage. They couldn't have both survived on these food rations for this long. She'd been at her strongest then and that was her only way of ensuring they both survived.

Technically speaking, her control over the vortex had grown considerably stronger since then, but her body had, in turn, only lost in strength. It still scared her to bits when she would lose a considerable amount of weight within two days of looking into the Tardis' heart. Spending time with the Tardis, in the Vortex and changing her body always burned an enormous amount of calories and with her lack of food to regain the calories spent, she found herself always losing weight.

Whereas as a teenager, Rose had sometimes (following the spurts and admittedly variable throes of fashion) searched for a good dieting method, now she was just frightened. The amount of weight she'd lose in one fell swoop was frightening; especially now when she had no food or other way of compensating and still needed to continue daily exercises so as to not lose her 'running muscles'.

She needed her mum's tea and blathering on about unimportant gossip... or the Doctor's exuberant hugs and million-miles-a-second nonsensical blabber about some-thing-or-another with the Tardis... or the quiet, reminiscent moments in the library, which had slowly started to return with this new Doctor - albeit interspersed with excited rants mid-reading about someone he met or something he saw and suddenly remembered. She missed it - all of it.

Mickey had hopefully kept his mouth shut in front of her mom, otherwise that would be a more interesting problem when they next came over for a visit. She hadn't really explained anything to him and only managed to leave him with a letter courtesy of the Tardis.

Stumbling to her feet, Rose carefully and slowly made her way to her room and once again rubbed the walls in a silent thank you to the ship for moving it to just opposite the console room months ago.

She gratefully sank to the floor in the shower, allowing the Tardis to send a stream of hot water at her that finally stopped her shivering entirely. It took another few minutes before she actually took of her now soaked clothes to enjoy the shower and soak in the heat with her entire body.

She'd been forced to send Mickey out two months ago.

* * *

"Y'know, if you want to wait a bit longer, I don't mind."

Rose chuckled at her ex-boyfriend.

"That's not what you said yesterday."

Mickey grinned carelessly.

"Yeah, but I know how much he means to you." His eyes widened, "I mean-"

"'S okay, Micks, you're not wrong." Rose shrugged, smile fading slightly as she stared at the door of the Tardis; the door that lead to the fireplace that had started this entire debacle.

"Anyway, reckon he can find us once he's back. 'S not like we'll be gone forever. So, get your stuff packed. Now, this is very important." She turned fully back to him, studying him. She knew he'd do what she asked once she was finished talking; as long as he believed her, at least. And lying had never been her forte, which made this all the more crucial to get right.

"Micks, I need you to wait just outside this door. Don't open them. You'll see golden light and you won't hear anything until the doors open wide. Then I'll need you to run straight through and out the door! Remember last time how the doors slammed shut behind me? You need to be out before that happens. I can get her to open the doors long enough for me to get out, but not both of us. So you need to be out already. Clear?"

"Still not used to this machine being alive. 'S like Herby."

Rose snorted involuntarily before she glared at her boyfriend, well aware he hadn't promised anything yet.

"'M not joking, Micks."

His smile fell from his lips and she watched carefully as he studied her face, before finally sighing in defeat.

"You promise?"

No hesitation - no doubt, Rose told herself as she forced yet another lie from her lips. It's for him. And for the Doctor. And the Tardis.

"Promise. I'll be right behind you."

"Okay then." His smile was wide again - he trusted her. It was difficult to lie to Mickey. She'd known him since she was a child - in more ways than one since her trip to the past to meet her father - and he knew her too well. But not well enough, luckily.

The console room doors closed behind him and Rose allowed the false smile to finally leave her lips as she leant against the Tardis' column.

"Can I-", She bit back the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her. This wasn't as easy a decision as it had been back when the Doctor's life had been threatened. She'd been afraid then, for his life and it had overwhelmed her fears for her own life to such an extent that she'd barely spared it a thought. If the Doctor survived, then it was worth it. So simple. But nothing about this situation was simple.

However, if she didn't do it, then Mickey wouldn't survive. The Tardis would be okay for long enough until the Doctor's return, but she'd have lost a significant amount of strength. There really was no choice at this point. She made her choice three months ago when she started to walk this path; and she'd known then there would be no returning, no turning back time.

"Can you show me the voice interface?"

Her Doctor, leather jacket, northern accent, blue eyes, appeared mere moments later and not for the first time she wished she could once again drown in this arms. He'd always made her feel safe.

"Rose Tyler." She smiled at the burr in his voice, the soft quality to it that he always seemed to have when he used her full name.

Abruptly his tone changed and she could almost feel the sorrow accompanying his words.

"You don't have to do this."

That brought an almost-smile to her lips.

"Yeah, I kinda do. And you know it."

It was almost easier this way and she was unspeakably grateful to the Tardis for it. Arguing in reverse, arguing for what would ultimately most likely result in her death was easier than giving into her fears and arguing against it.

"Your chances of survival, though better than ever before, are still below 8%. The two trips will drain you. Your body has never had to hold onto the vortex for so long and you've never had to use it before to navigate."

Rose found herself shrugging almost dismissively.

"But if I do survive, I'll be back with you. I'll wait for you to come back to us. And if not... If- If I don't survive, then at least Mickey is safe and the Tardis is with you. I've instructed Mickey to go on one more trip with you so he can land in the parallel world; I remember that it was important for that to play out so... Anyway, I've also asked him to keep his gob shut. I trust him. You won't know. You- ... The Doctor will just... I don't know, think I got run over by a bus or something."

She took another deep breath. It was time, she knew what she had to do.

"Thank you. I needed that. Are you ready?"

The image dispersed and an affirmative hum filled the room.

"Make sure Micks doesn't hear me, won't you?"

There was no need to check; the Tardis had made sure everything was soundproof. Sinking to her knees, her hands fastened around the grating and with another deep breath she opened it.

This time it was different - usually she'd just be an energy conduit for the Tardis; she'd let the vortex flow through her and back into the Tardis, which, according to the ship, had a similar effect to refuelling. Rose filtered through the energy by letting it run unfettered throughout her body before it flowed right back into the ship. She basically revitalised the power before feeding it back to the Tardis.

But the process also provided her with access to the Vortex and its power; and all the timelines. She loved seeing past Doctor's past or Sarah Jane's and she'd even seen her mum as a kid for a time. All that ever was or could be, at her feet. But this time was different.

She stubbornly clung onto her body and instead of allowing the power to flow back into the Tardis she threw her will around a small part of it. Her body stood automatically as her subconscious walked her over to the telepathic flight console.

No one ever used it - and for a reason. The kind of bond that you had to have with the Tardis to use the interface was strictly forbidden; not only would it potentially give the Time Lord access to all this power, but it would also send him into insanity. The Doctor came closest to having any kind of telepathic bond with his ship - ever the rebel - though his had been made in the desperate throes of regeneration, with his mind barren and empty of the millions of voices that used to echo there. And in that split moment of loneliness he'd reached out to something, anything - and the Tardis, having lost all her sisters in the war, had answered.

Still, even he could not operate the ship telepathically - she imagined there'd be a lot more accurate landings if that were the case. She smiled faintly at the thought even as her hands sank into the shimmering liquid console required for telepathic contact with the ship.

Her mind, which had become attuned to time strands and familiar with how to operate them, automatically called upon her Sarah Jane's. It was easy enough to find the spot where she intersected with the Doctor again - and just as easy to find the spot where they separated.

Now she had a time and date. She couldn't send Mickey home - her mum was too adept at squeezing any information out of him; no, that was out of the question. That's why she was sending him to Sarah Jane. The woman had offered her a hand and an ear any time she needed it, and that's what she was asking of her now.

She went further along Sarah Jane's time stream to give her a few days to recover from her final goodbye to the Doctor. Mind set on a time and place (Sarah Jane's house), she used the power of the vortex to encompass the Tardis and then she pulled on the strand of time, pulled until the Tardis started dematerialising and she could feel their journey through the Vortex, travelling closer and closer and closer still, until - NOW!

One more pull, a scramble to get the timeline straight as she'd accidentally reached further than she'd intended and then finally everything was lined up. Now all the Tardis needed was power. Eyes glowing with the vortex she'd kept within herself, she finally released the power pushing her intent behind it, focusing all her being on being in that one spot in time and space with the Tardis. The ship heard and she could feel its own pull joining hers once they'd aligned their senses to the right time. She felt more than she heard the landing when the time vortex dissipated.

She could feel the ship's exhaustion and it pulling, trying to gather any resources around her to have sufficient power for the trip back. Rose closed her senses momentarily, feeling her body screaming and she knew she'd once again screamed out in pain. Her throat was sore but the pain in the rest of her body more than matched it. Her brain screamed in pain, far more than even the first time she'd looked into the vortex. Using the vortex the same way the Tardis did was foolish and any Time Lord would tell you it was fairly impossible for a human.

Rose knew there wouldn't be much time until she'd have to risk the return trip, but until then she gratefully allowed her body to sink to the floor, watching as the grating closed itself momentarily. Before she'd been worried about making it back alive; now she was fairly certain that wasn't going to happen. At this stage she was worried she might leave the Tardis in the Vortex without any way for the Doctor to get access to her.

Gritting her teeth, she closed her eyes, telling herself it would be better if she did this quickly.

The console room doors flew open and she watched Mickey run past her and out the doors; she knew he'd seen her out of the corner of his eyes but it hadn't registered until he was half-way out the door.

She watched him whirl around, wide-eyed, staring at her pale, shaking form, blood running from her nose and ears, eyes glowing golden. His hand reached for her and she watched as he was about ready to bolt back to her; the Tardis, still connected to her and understanding Mickey's intention, closed the doors on him, pushing him the rest of the way out.

Faintly she could make out her ex-boyfriend hammering on the doors and Sarah Jane's confused queries beside him. And she could feel time adjusting and knew that there wasn't much time. Rose's way of commanding the Tardis still expelled too much vortex; not only attractive to many species but also a way of tracking the Doctor and his miraculous 'machine'. She couldn't let the ship fall into anyone's hands.

Everything swam in front of her but that didn't matter. Her physical eyes didn't need to see - she knew where she needed to be.

The grating fell open again and golden light and a song filled her heart and mind, temporarily erasing the pain before it came back far worse than before. Never before had she tried to operate in the vortex with such physical awareness; usually all pains and aches left at the same time as her mind expanded outwith her body. She gasped, golden eyes open wide as her hands scrambled for the telepathic interface.

Her hands sank in and the pain in her head amplified even as she felt the ship prepare to take off into the Vortex, awaiting her push so she could start to help along. Right, focus, she reprimanded herself. Pushing through the pain was easier said than done, though. Her body was begging to just lie down and it was all she could do to remain leaning against the coral strut while her hands were in the gloopy liquid.

_'__My Doctor'_, the voice echoed through her head, a reminder of a time not long ago when she and the Tardis had been truly one and she'd used the Vortex to save the man she loved. It gave her the push and determination she'd needed to carry on, gritting her teeth and finally focusing back on the ship she'd come from. This time she already had a time and a place, so the return should be simpler. A gasp of relief escaped when the Tardis had helped her smooth the journey into the time vortex. Past and futures, planets and civilisations passed her by until she found the right one. Her entire being focused in on that point of time, pushing aside all other concerns.

Her breathing was short, her heart was racing, trying to keep up with the demand she was putting on it and another scream wrung itself from her hoarse throat, tears running down her face unheeded as she pushed and pushed until she could feel the Tardis aligning herself with the right time and space.

The energy was leaving her and Rose sank to the floor, hands kinked to still keep within the liquid. Golden mist hovered in front of her and horror dawned on her as she realised the Tardis was half in, half out of the Vortex, its winds tearing at the Doctor's precious ship. She need the push, the energy. Grasping desperately, she reached out with her mind, will and determination unbroken and gave a last gasp as the power dispersed into the ship and finally her hands fell down next to her as her mind confirmed the correct landing.

Mouth open wide, she could only stare up at the time rotors as they slowly stopped moving. Her screams had doubled over and no sound was coming from her throat anymore. As her body bowed and twisted in grotesque ways in a futile attempt to escape the pain that came from within, she wondered how the Tardis was going to get rid of her body. Then her mind got overwhelmed, too, as her body started to bleed and her mind pushed against its physical restraints, burning with the energy it had been flooded with.

It was too much, all too much and soon her mind fell into blissful oblivion as it got overwhelmed.

The Tardis watched as her daughter's body abruptly stopped moving, like a marionette whose strings had been cut. There was only one way, only one solution, and it was endlessly simple to the eleven-dimensional being.

The grating fell open again, giving way to her heart and she allowed it to open up further until her Wolf's body fell through. She waited and watched, hoping for the timeline that was likeliest to come true.

And then she felt it - a gasped breath, a heart slowly beating and her daughter's body was catapulted back up until she lay beneath her rotors again, still unconscious. Now they would forever be bonded and tied to one another. The Tardis let go of the moment, allowing her consciousness once again to expand; focusing on a single moment in time took a lot of strenuous attention and it drained her even further. Now was the time to soak up as much from the Vortex as she could while her attentions weren't needed on this singular plane of existence.

Crawling into bed, covering herself with her flannel pajamas, a hat and two duvets, Rose settled in to sleep. Soon, very soon, they'd finally be reunited. Her Doctor.

* * *

A/N:

Despite what it looks like, this is actually not going to be totally AU. Hope you'll enjoy it; let me know what you think.

And if anyone wants to beta for me, any reviews would be welcome. I hope I haven't made anyone to OOC, but it's hard to tell without a second opinion. Any input? Any volunteers?


	2. The good die young

**Who's scared of the big bad wolf?**

Disclaimer: Not mine, no money being made.

Thanks for all the lovely comments both on and ! Thank you ever so much! Hope you enjoy this next chapter.

* * *

The moment the mirror had broken and the time windows had disappeared, he'd felt the timelines snap into place around him. At the time he'd been understandably distracted by the multitude of robots surrounding the Madame de Pompadour, a historical figure that, if assassinated, would cause a paradox and invite reapers - which would be... well, disastrous to say the least.

But now... he looked at the glass of wine in his hand, the dark red colour oddly fascinating. Yet he knew he was just avoiding thinking about what that feeling meant. This regeneration was not particularly time sensitive and yet he had felt the timelines change. Which meant that the movement had been so drastic, the change so dramatic, it had actually erased several hundred timelines all at once.

The puzzle, however, was that that simply shouldn't have happened. Madame the Pompadour's life and death held a remarkable amount of fixed points - even more so than the King's - so any changes correlating with his own sudden emergence in the past should have only eliminated a handful of timelines, if that.

The problem was, he couldn't tell which timelines had been eliminated; the Tardis would be able to, as she had direct access to, literally, all of time and space. Time Lords were one of the few races able to handle seeing the time vortex, but even their view was limited and seeing timelines that technically didn't exist anymore was impossible for him.

There was one other possibility for so many timelines to disappear at that precise moment and it was a possibility he'd rather avoid considering altogether and one he definitely didn't want to contemplate in depth. When he'd ridden Arthur through the mirror, he had not only entered France and the Madame de Pompadour's life, he had also left Rose and Mickey behind.

Yet, for them it shouldn't matter. It would only be the blink of an eye for them before he was back. They wouldn't have to suffer a few decades of the slow path before they could catch a lift with one of their previous regenerations; and boy, he really didn't look forward to that conversation.

But there was the tiniest of tiny minuscule chances that him leaving them had caused these timelines to be erased, that in his absence something would take place - or maybe due to his absence? But no, that definitely couldn't - wouldn't happen. Rose was fine, just fine, as she always was.

His eyes automatically sought out the sky, wondering how Rose was handling it. Mickey, he knew, would be moaning and panicking and fussing. The boy would soon enough grow into a man and someone he'd call a worthy companion, but Rose had, even just moments after meeting him, refused to panic and leave the rescuing solely to him. No, instead she'd jumped right into the fray and saved his life. Rose had been a worthy companion from the moment he'd met her. She'd saved him - not just his life, but him.

Whenever he was near the brink, whenever he wasn't sure what the right choice was, what the humane thing to do was, she reminded him. She'd stood between him and the Dalek, had faced down werewolves - and the Queen - and been steadfastly at his side, holding his hand. She was more than just a companion, always had been. Rose made him better. And, thanks to her, he had finally remembered why he'd chosen the name Doctor, what his choices were and what choice he'd made every day since then. She had reminded him that it was okay to stumble as long as you stood back up; that it was okay to not get everything right because nobody was perfect, not even the Doctor.

And yet he'd left her behind without an explanation or a kind word. But still, there was time to rectify it. He'd be back with her in no time at all for her.

A small smile crept on his lips as he realised he'd not done what he normally did; instead of naming the stars, instead of remembering histories, wars or people all he'd done was think about which ones he'd been on with Rose and which ones he still wanted to show her.

That was the difference, he thought to himself. She made him want to show her the Universe, put all of time and space at her feet and watch as she would run alongside him, hand in hand, grinning that cheeky tongue-touched smile of hers as they saved civilisations, rescued planets and went for dinner with her mum. The Doctor and Rose Tyler in the Tardis - without her mum, thank you very much.

Despite everything she had seen, every horror she'd been subjected to, she still marvelled, her eyes still lit up in awe of every alien she saw, every foreign civilisation, every strange custom. There had been that one planet he'd accidentally-intentionally taken her to on the eve of a revolution. Not too terribly exciting; it was something that happened with startling frequency in spite of the fact that he had been aiming for a beach. No, the most interesting fact about the planet was that you had to walk backwards and talk in reverse. Needless to say, Rose had loved every second there.

He prided himself on his brain but it had even taken him a few moments to reverse what he was intending to say; Rose had taken to it like a fish to water. She'd smiled that smile where, rather distractingly, her tongue would peek out between her lips and successfully managed to finagle them out of prison - yes, they'd ended up in one again, somehow - and into the Tardis before all hell broke loose and before they had started the war the Doctor had very nearly unleashed. But who was he to know that it had been the prince he'd seen with the revolutionist? I mean, really, how unlikely was it that they would appear in that precise moment at that specific place just in time to hear the prince show the revolutionaries the easiest way to sneak into the castle.

Okay, well, given his rather spectacular history of just such incidents, maybe it had been more likely than not, but still it wasn't his fault that the guards, who had followed him, had then uncovered the conspiracy and, with his attempt at talking fast - backwards - he'd successfully diverted the guards attention by one or two unintentional insults.

And it wasn't his fault that they had then been convicted - without a trial - as guilty of conspiracy to treason and sent to prison. Still, Rose had gotten them out even if she had to flirt - backwards - with the guard to be allowed to talk to the superior.

He had lost his ability to experience wonder at the marvels of the universe a long time ago and he frequently had companions with him not just to stave off the loneliness and to remind him of his humanity, no, he had them there so he could, just for a moment, see what they saw, see the wonder, the amazement in their eyes as worlds and entire universes opened up before them. But Rose was different - she'd given him the ability to feel the wonder again himself every time he took her somewhere.

But now, here, in this incredible era of human history inside the truly resplendent palace of Versailles, looking up at the stars, all he could see was gaseous balls of matter. He could see their beginning and their end, knew what races and what wars were waged on its soil - if, indeed, it had any soil.

But that's all they were - a list of facts. No sense of wonder, of curiousity. One of the most remarkable women of human history was just a room away and yet he simply _didn't care_. She was beautiful, interesting, bright, cultured, intriguing and yet all he wanted to do was drag Rose over and tell her all about Madame de Pompadour, wanted Rose to feel the wonder and astonishment at all this woman had accomplished in her short lifespan so he could see it through her eyes.

He snorted. Pathetic. She'd had him pegged on that first trip - "You think you're so impressive!" and his reply of "I _am_ so impressive!".

And god, she'd be bored to death up on that ship on her own. He hoped Mickey didn't infuriate her too much; he would rather not have to deal with a grumpy Rose upon his return. Okay, so maybe he shouldn't have compared her to her mother, but then again this regeneration seemed to have lost the ability to filter his words before they reached his mouth.

Not-ginger and rude, indeed. ... He wondered if she was looking at the stars right now too, thinking of him.

Then he heard the steps behind him and allowed his thoughts of Rose to fall away behind the locked doors in his head, the one that held all his precious memories of the young blonde woman.

It was somewhat amusing that, for all her intellect, Madame de Pompadour failed to see what was right in front of her. Of course, when he had entered her head after she'd given him permission, he hadn't bothered to ensure their connection was one-way; after all, not only was it beyond rude and intimate to simply enter another's mind without their permission, but moreover he hadn't expected her to be capable of it. Few humans were.

And when she was in, it had been soothing to have someone - anyone - in his mind again, so he had allowed her to stay. But she didn't seem to have noticed that he had changed the content behind the doors so that whatever she saw, while true, didn't really have an emotional effect on him. Nothing about Rose or the war, time lords, regeneration, Romana, Sarah Jane or any of his previous companions. She'd caught glimpses, mere glimpses of moments - and she'd thought she knew him. He hadn't shown her his fury, his anger, his hatred; the reason why he was called the Oncoming Storm. She'd seen what he wanted her to see - the good he'd done, the people he'd saved. And yet, irrationally, he knew, he was angry at her for not recognising him as more than a one-dimensional being, for something other than perfect. Rose knew him better by far and that was without having been in his head.

Reinette was remarkable and intelligent, but she had, as had so many of his previous companions, made him out to be a hero in her fairytale, her knight on his white horse riding to her rescue-... Okay, so he had _technically_ done just that, but the point was that she refused to see all of him.

Rose saw. Rose had seen him at his best and at his worst and she'd stood at his side throughout... He really wasn't very good without her. His thoughts kept returning to her even when she wasn't there. He'd started to rely on her and it was startling to realise just how often he turned to make a comment, a mischievous thought or a warning only to realise there was no one there and his hand was reaching for someone too far away to respond.

A part of him wondered what he'd do when she'd inevitably die of old age, if not sooner - or if she left him, as most before her had. What would he do without Rose in his life? When he'd first regenerated after the war, as the only one left, with an echoing emptiness inside his head, he'd thought that this wasn't him - wartorn, upset and desperate - oh so desperate for any kind of companionship, anything to fill the empty void... But now he thought that maybe he'd been more himself than ever. With no distractions, no rules, nothing to hide the old man behind the young man's guise, nothing to hide the loneliness, the guilt and the anger. And Rose had seen it, had seen it on their first adventure, and she'd reached out, held his hand and said "you've got me."

He never had told her how much that meant to him, never would. He'd been trying so hard to put distance between them, to give the young woman back to the world she should live in; but, by Rassilon, the one thing he wanted, more than anything else, was for her to stay with him forever. He'd give up everything if she could just stay with him, if for once he could just be selfish and have what he really wanted.

But he knew he was doing the right thing. She would never be happy with him. She'd grow old, resent him for his youth and be unable to run anymore. He didn't want that - oh, he would never be bothered by age. Rose was... well, Rose. Old, young, he suspected the same vibrancy that had originally lured him in would not fade with age. But he never wanted her unhappy.

She should live on earth, shining and a happy guiding light to anyone who was lost, as lost as he had been. Rose was not meant to run around with a time lord who told her he was only nine hundred years old, with someone who only wanted her to himself. He could never give her a family, a happy ever after and a picket fence with - he grimaced - mortgages and carpets and curtains. No, he'd try, for her, of course he would. But soon the itch would be too strong, the urge to run. And he never wanted to run without her hand in his.

She'd wormed her way into his hearts and his life before he'd ever even realised what had happened. For her he'd done things like hold her at night, soothe away tears and nightmares, cook food together and even reading to her in the library.

He still remembered the first time that he had realised just how insecure Rose was about certain things. It was silly really - of course she'd have things she was proud of and others she had never been complimented on and he'd known that her education - and the lack thereof - was a sore subject, but never quite how much.

At least not until she'd accidentally found him in the library one day, a couple of days after the Charles Dickens adventure.

* * *

Grinning to himself, the Doctor reached for another Sherlock Holmes - the original, thank you very much, because even the 48th century rewrite was just never quite as good - and leaned back in his favourite chair in the back corner of the library, hidden between two bookshelves.

He was half-way through before he got distracted by a flash of blonde in the corner of his eyes. Curious, he watched as his latest companion, Rose, wandered past him again, mouth open and eyes alit with hunger as her eyes roamed about the high shelves and rows upon rows of books. Standing up with a grace that belied his true age he silently made his way out to the middle of the library, watching as her hands touched the back of century-old books with a reverence that only further incited his curiousity. Most kids her age had better things to do than read books; they were fully engulfed in their world of TVs and gaming.

Finally, clearing his throat, he spoke up and watched as she darted back like a startled rabbit.

"Y'know, those books, they're meant for more than just lookin' at."

Her hands had fallen to her side and she gave him this shy half-smile, looking up at him through a curtain of blonde hair. He could see her blasé response almost forming and was intrigued to see her swallow it, uncertainty written across her face as she looked at him.

"I... Could I? I mean, I'll be real careful and I'll take care of them and everything. I won't damage 'em."

And she must have seen his frown because he could see her backpedalling, not realising that the surprised anger wasn't aimed at her but rather at whoever had clearly forbidden her from reading books.

"Sorry, 's just... I just wanted to read some of Charlie's books and I really didn't mean-"

His mild headshake had her breathing out a sigh of disappointment but instead of explaining - which he knew he would somehow just end up making it worse - he linked their hands together and walked down to the 18th century section of the library, only vaguely noting his own surprise at the ease and familiarity his movements had held when he'd reached for her hand, even though she'd only been with him for a few days.

His hands caressed the book spines in a similar manner as he had seen Rose doing but moments earlier, searching out a specific one. A slight noise of triumph escaped him when he waved the sought-after book in his hand and passed it to his extremely puzzled companion.

Grinning widely, he allowed himself to fall backwards onto the couch, gesturing for her to take the seat next to him, even as he stretched himself out further.

"Now that, Rose Tyler, is a first edition of 'The Mystery of Edwin Drood', his last book." Her wide eyes were on him and he could almost see her uncertainty in whether or not she was even allowed to touch this book.

"It's one of my favourites - well, I say one of my favourites, really all his books are quite good. I guess you could say I'm a fan of his works." He grinned to himself, remembering the discussion he'd had with Charlie about that particular word.

"Have a read, see what you think."

"I- You mean, I can...? And this one?" She looked at him uncertainly, clearly cautious about holding, never mind reading, a first edition of such a valuable book. He waved her concerns away.

"'Course. Books are meant to be read. They're knowledge, stories, meant to be shared not to be hoarded and hidden away from the rest of the world. Books are there to teach us, to entertain and educate at the same time. So, go on, it's all yours. Tardis gave you a room, only fair you get one from me too for coming on board - so, here you go. Welcome aboard!"

He'd spluttered in surprise when the girl had fairly launched herself at him, arms wrapping around his neck as she whispered a heartfelt thanks and planted a kiss on his cheek. Then, just barely a moment later, she was right back to being the confident young woman who had swung to his rescue against the Nestene Consciousness, leaning casually against his side as she opened the first page and settled in for a read, smiling widely enough that his own lips twitched in response, infectious as always with her enthusiasm.

* * *

A little later on, when they had started reading to each other in the library - moments which were occasionally sombre but mostly filled with laughter and teasing - she had confessed that she hadn't been in a library since primary school. There was only one library within commutable distance of the estate and the librarian had changed when she was barely eight years old. The new one was extremely prejudiced against 'estate kids' and thought they were all out to destroy _her_ precious books. So, while she wasn't banned precisely, the librarian had made it extremely uncomfortable for her, accusing her of destroying books which had already pen marks in them when she'd first lent them until she'd been so humiliated and hadn't dared to go back to the library; not to mention they couldn't afford to pay for any books which she'd supposedly destroyed.

It was another one of the many vulnerabilities she'd bared to him and aside from a one-armed hug and a kiss on her head, they'd never mentioned it again. Maybe that was what had allowed her to become so empathic towards all manner of creatures and aliens they encountered, maybe that was the reason why she was so tolerant of all species - even Daleks - until they proved themselves actually guilty. But even if it was the reason, he still wished he could erase these things for her, wished he could help her somehow, but really; even gifting her with the red bicycle when she was twelve had been pushing it.

He missed her, missed it, that unquestioning comfort, the shared laughter and the occasional tears for the ones they couldn't save - he missed all of it. He wanted her with him so badly and yet he couldn't help but push her away for her own sake. She shouldn't want him, shouldn't want to spend her life with him. Look at what he had done to Sarah Jane - waiting half her life for him to return. He couldn't do that to her, not to Rose, couldn't bear coming back to see her searching his eyes, looking for an emotion she wasn't sure she would find.

Finally, Reinette drew up beside him, jerking him out of his thoughts and allowing him to focus on the present - past? - he was stuck in. Her eyes followed his, staring up to the starlight sky.

"You know all their names, don't you?"

Relief flooded him and he happily responded to her queries, flirting with the most prized courtesan in French history.

* * *

Gone. Just like that, as if he'd never been there.

"We can't fly the Tardis without him. How's he gonna get back?", Mickey's voice was faint, far away, though he stood but a few feet from her.

She had known what he needed to do, had the realisation almost the same moment as the Doctor had... except she'd expected the three of them to be on the horse. Not just him, alone, riding out on a white horse to rescue the King's mistress. No, it was safe to say that had never occurred to her. It had always been the two of them, together. And even if he fussed and moaned about danger, he'd still always given in and taken her along, hand in hand.

So why not this time, why not now? What made this rescue so different from the others?

Rose swallowed heavily. Mickey relied on her, the same way he'd always done, but just now, for just a moment, she needed to get herself back. All day long, the Doctor had biting remarks for her, curt words, brushes that were forceful enough to send her stumbling backwards.

She couldn't handle Mickey's concerns on top of her own just now. All she wanted was a moment, just a moment, so she could remember who Rose Tyler was and that more than the Doctor being worth the monsters, he loved her; maybe not the way she wanted him to, but he loved her nonetheless. Slowly, ever so slowly, she felt herself calm down, remembered the trust the Doctor had in her. No problem. He'd be back soon enough and until then she could finally show him that this time she hadn't lost her faith in him.

A small part of her wondered how long it had been for the Doctor and how he was handling 'domestic' life. She allowed herself a small smile at the thought that he wouldn't know what to do with himself, never mind how to earn money and rent a place. Oh, it would be hilarious; or it would've been, had she been there with him and able to tease him endlessly.

Then there was the cold reminder that this was Mickey's first real excursion into space and he had no grasp of any of this. He had just come to the startling realisation that yes, Mickey Smith really could die on a desolate spaceship floating through space, far away from the planet he was born on and the people he loved.

"Don't worry, Micks, we'll be fine on the Tardis for months. And the Doctor's gonna return quite quickly. He only needs to triangulate our position; he'll probably be here in a few hours. So, how about I show you the Tardis game room in the mean time, yeah? It's got the biggest screen you've ever seen and you can watch all the best sports telly in history in 3D!"

And hook, line, sinker. Mickey was happily off in la-la-land before she'd even managed to show him the actual room; probably imagining all his favourites he could rewatch.

* * *

That had been before they started fighting more, before Mickey grew restless and resented her for, as he called it, covering for the Doctor. He didn't believe her when she'd tried to tell him this was the first time - but it was true. They had never been separate for longer than a few hours; both of them were always fighting their way back to one another. A small part of her couldn't help but wonder if this, too, was part of him trying to put some distance between them.

Of course Rose knew he wouldn't really do that, wouldn't be so needlessly cruel, but yet this had been the same man who had, when she'd been lying, terrified and with a clockwork robot about to cut into her, on a cold steel table that wouldn't be amiss in a mortuary, accused her of sounding just like her mother. And that, she knew, was no compliment from him.

Shivering, Rose cowered deeper into her three duvets. Today was really cold and she felt the Tardis hum apologetically at her. They really needed to do the energy exchange with the ship today; yet she dreaded it. The pain seemed worse than she remembered every time but there wasn't really any other choice.

It was nearing the time for his return, very close, she could feel it, knew it. But what could she tell him, what would she tell him? She'd changed - there was no other way to describe it. She was still Rose Tyler, but she wasn't human anymore.

By now she didn't even need to be one with the Tardis to see time. She could see it, swirling everywhere, everywhen. When Micks had still been here, she'd seen glimpses, every now and then, around him, swirling, strands of the past, of potential futures and small glitters of artron energy, a trace of his two trips inside the Tardis. But now she couldn't _not_ see it. It was everywhere, around her, time. She could even speed it up and slow it down - well, for a few seconds anyway. And her mind - she could see so much more - figuratively, not literally.

It felt both fuller and emptier than ever before. The memories of the time she'd spent in the time vortex with the Tardis were blurry - she knew there was something she wasn't supposed to remember yet and that's why it was so indistinct, but she remembered glimpses of the Doctor's past and his past faces, of a younger Sarah Jane... she had more knowledge than ever before and yet, at the same time, her mind was so devastatingly empty, a resonating echo for her thoughts, yearning for another and reaching out, endlessly, further and further and only gently pushed back into herself by the Tardis' gentle, mothering touch.

Was that how the Doctor felt, every day? Only it had to be so much worse for him - he, at least, knew what he was missing, knew what it should feel like, knew just how _wrong_ this was, this empty head. She didn't know, would maybe never know, the only voice in hers was her own and the Tardis. Sometimes it frightened her just how difficult it was to feel the Tardis as a different entity, as not her. Sometimes it was so easy to get lost in the vastness of the ship, in the feeling that she'd been there for all this time and would be there for the rest of it, that she was endless and permanent, that she would be bringing her thief to where he was needed the most, that she would look after him and then, finally die with him; the grave of the last time lord in history.

It was hard to remember herself and yet every time it was the ship who guided her back, who gently reminded her and prodded her until the blonde came to and remembered that she was not a ship, not able to travel through time and space, that she was simply a girl from the estate called Rose Tyler.

How could she explain that to the Doctor? How to tell him she wasn't human anymore, that sometimes she forgot even that she had ever been one? This was, after all, the same man who had been disgusted by 51st century humans changing themselves to live longer. Would he still want her? Even knowing she'd done it for him, would it be enough? Would he still let her travel with him? Or would he send her back to her mum - her mum who was weary of anything different, anything alien?

The Tardis, now more than ever, was her home. She couldn't let anyone take that away from her, not even her Doctor. She couldn't tell him, wouldn't tell him. He mustn't know. As long as he'd think of her as Rose Tyler, she should be safe, right? And she was still the same girl, of sorts, same fears and doubts, same love for this blue old box and the madman usually inhabiting it.

Despite the Tardis' protests, Rose made her way to the console room, blanket covering her shoulders in a vain attempt to ward off the chill.

"'s okay. Just a bit, keep you running till the Doctor can take you to Cardiff, eh?"

And with a sigh that seemed to vibrate through the corridors, the ship gave in and she could hear the mental admonishment that told her she really needed to get some sleep and rest after that.

Rose rolled her eyes and, in response, got a zap to her hand that had her yelping.

"Yes, yes, I got it, _mum_. Lots of sleeping and resting, promise!"

The Tardis gave an annoyed huff in response, the ship having learnt the almost-human like manners largely by sharing minds with her. Of course the ship had no mouth to make noises with, but instead it had a variety of ways to make itself known and especially with the link between them, it had become progressively easier to translate the responses in her head until that's what the Tardis actually sounded like.

Rose licked her dry lips, hands fastened on the grating as it had been so often over the past few months, a ritual she both loved and despised in equal measures, opening up to each other fully and without reservations. And then the blissful feeling of momentary oblivion fell over her as she felt the energy from the ship rush through her and for just a moment all the exhaustion, stress, pains and emotions fell away and all there was, was this song, her song, echoing, vibrating, simultaneously loud enough to fill her head and gentle enough to not hurt her. It was perfection - it described all she was, all she would be, all she could be and everything in between.

A sigh fell from her lips and she gave in to the sensations and watched as all the beauty of the time vortex was laid bare in front of her.

* * *

Rose looked at the mirror; this was her exact outfit from all those months ago. Her hair was still wet from the shower but that was okay. No, what she worried about was the evidence of her weight loss. The shirt, while not skin tight, revealed too much and the jeans were definitely too well-fitted. She couldn't fill them anymore.

A grimace twisted her lips as she stared at her reflection. She wasn't far off those super-skinny twigs - read: supermodels - where you could count the ribs. That wasn't good. And she'd lost colour - months on a spaceship had allowed her natural tan to fade until she had gained a slightly sickly pallor.

Her hair, curiously enough, hadn't grown much so the difference was barely noticeable. She chanced another look at herself and then shrugged; it would have to do. There was a possibility the Doctor would notice that she had lost an impressive amount of weight in what would've only been a few days, but there was nothing she could to change that.

It was coming up to six months now and today was the day the Doctor was going to come back to her. She'd decided to tell him that it had been five and a half days. Just enough time for him to hopefully explain away the weight loss but not enough for him to feel guilty about.

Rose sighed - soon she'd finally be able to have real food again. She missed it.

It was only when she stepped out of the blue ship that had been her haven for the past few months that she saw the remains of the clockwork robot, broken on the ground and cursed. She'd forgotten about that thing. Mickey had rescued her but she'd still managed to get a scar from their encounter and she really didn't need to give the Doctor yet another reason to look at her more closely. She could feel the shift, knew the moment of his return was drawing ever closer so she quickly ran up to the robot and used one of its arms to pull it down one of the side corridors and - hopefully - out of view.

"Madame de Pompadour!"

A smile involuntarily made its way to her face at the familiar voice coming from the room with the fireplace. God, she'd missed him. It had been too long, far too long without him - and without his hugs. Say what you like about the Doctor, but he was great at giving hugs.

She abandoned the robot in one of the alcoves and hurried back, hearing the faint voice of Reinette and the much clearer voice of her Doctor conversing.

"Still wanna see those stars?"

"More than anything."

"Gimme two minutes. Pack a bag."

"Am I going somewhere?"

"Go to the window and pick a star, any star."

Rose's smile faded. So she was right, had been right all along. That's how easy she was to replace. A new companion - not permanent, but then he'd told her not so long ago that they were all pretty much a blink of his eye to them. The must all seem like children to him, barely out of their cradles.

She pasted a smile on her face when the Doctor burst in, arms enfolding her in a hug and against her will she found herself relaxing in his arms, his warmth - the familiar smell engulfing her. And the first human touch she'd had in months. Tears gathered in the corners of her eye and she hid her face against his shoulder. He wouldn't notice, of that, at least, she was certain now. Too caught up in his next whirlwind of an adventure.

He was so excited, so enthusiastic, bursting to the brim with uncontained energy - the very thing she loved about him. Usually that's what told her to prepare for one of the adventures that involved a lot of running and a lot of very fast talking and usually a fair amount of life-threatening danger. But this time it wasn't for an adventure with her - rather it was for one with the beautiful courtesan.

"How long did you wait?"

Even his voice sounded excited. Her heart dropped. Five and half - nearly six - months of pain, of coldness, of loneliness, of feeling abandoned, of reassuring herself and here he was, about to run back to the other woman. Even now, closer to him than she'd ever been in both species and capabilities and still not good enough, maybe worse than ever.

So she did what she'd done since she was a child and realised how sad her mother was if Rose was upset, how sad she made people if they knew she wasn't happy.

She swallowed the tears, recalling happier moments and infected her voice with just the right amount of enthusiasm.

"Five and a half-"

"That's good! Always wait five and a half hours! Where's Mickety-Mick?"

Another lie - but he was too distracted, he wouldn't notice.

"Ah, he's gone to get some sleep. Been a bit of a long day for him. Reckon he didn't expect quite that much running."

Her Doctor tsked, "That's just silly, running's good. Been doing it all my life."

Rose nearly smiled at that - she knew all about that, about stealing the Tardis and running away. Well, okay, not all about it. Vague impressions - but enough to tell her he really had been doing just that for most of his life.

"Where've you been?"

She hoped her voice hadn't sounded nearly as accusatory as it had in her head, but the Doctor took no notice, swinging open the door to his blue ship and giving her a passing caress.

"I'll tell you late- Woah, that's cold. C'mmon, old girl, we're travelling with humans here. Up the temperature a bit!"

He patted the wooden doors and ran off to the fireplace. The smile dropped of her face the moment he left.

It was hard to swallow past the lump in her throat. She'd thought about this so often, about his return, but this was not how she'd imagined it. There had been joy, love, hugs - sometimes even kisses. Never him running off to get someone else to come with him.

Closing her eyes, Rose took a deep breath, swallowing down the pain and loneliness, hand leaning against the blue police box for support. She allowed herself another glance backwards, just in time to watch her time lord disappear through the fireplace. She wasn't prepared for the wave of fear and panic that nearly overtook her as she watched him disappear without a backward glance. Gone - alone again.

This time the tears didn't come, the pain didn't rise, her heart didn't burn... she just felt hollow, empty. Nothing mattered anymore; what did it matter if her she loved him? He didn't feel the same anymore. What did it matter if she wanted to be by his side always, to never leave him? He didn't want her there. He had a billion people he could use to replace her. To him, she was nothing. And it should hurt and she could feel it, sort of, a slight pain, but mostly there was just this deep dark well of emptiness. It was screaming inside her, begging to not be so lonely, to be loved, to be hugged, to be told she mattered. But it didn't hurt so much anymore. Breathing was easier, now. At least she knew, now.

He'd left her behind. Again. Abandoned. Not worth taking with him, not worth making sure she was alright, not worth... anything.

Her hand dropped from the blue box and she could feel the ship trying to send her reassurances, sending her love, but it never got through to her. Entering the blue ship, she patted the console gently in gratitude, before turning her attention down the corridor.

Back when he was northern, a door had been created between their bedrooms and her room had relocated to just next to his. Silently she took in the current arrangement, a sharp burst of pain welling up inside her as her hands touched the wall and she willed the ship to rearrange itself.

She could feel the ship's confusion and protest but finally Rose's will won out when she'd threatened to sleep in an empty guestroom. A new door formed next to the Doctor's and in beautiful, curved letters, Reinette's name was shown on it. Rose's own had been moved to a corridor a few staircases down - away from both Mickey's and the Doctor's.

There, the way it should be. A room fit for a queen - or a King's courtesan - right next to the Time Lord's. It hurt seeing someone else's room next to his, but she knew it was only right. Reinette was, after all, his current companion as far as the Doctor was concerned.

She remembered a time when he'd dropped anyone to come to take her away to somewhere - but now that was for Reinette. Hands falling to her side, empty eyes stared at the corridor, now lit brightly again as there was no need to economise anymore. It hurt and she felt so lonely, all she wanted to do was curl up and cry and yet she couldn't. The tears wouldn't come. Her throat felt tight and her eyes hurt, but she just couldn't cry. After all, she should've known this was coming all along.

The doors of the Tardis swung shut, the silent footsteps alerting her to the Doctor's return. Rose frowned. Those weren't the excited half-running steps her Doctor made and, more importantly, there was no echo of footsteps behind him. He was alone.

Slowly she made her way back to the console room, watching as her Doctor stood, empty gaze directed at the screen that showed the fireplace. She hesitated only a moment longer before she slid up beside him, her hand interlinking with his, a silent show of support.

The blonde woman looked up at him, trying to gauge his mood and finally broke the silence with what she hoped would help - a distraction. There was no need to ask what had happened. The time windows had realigned the moment he'd come back through the fireplace and instead of time running faster here and slower there, the opposite had once again been true. Years had probably passed - years of the courtesan waiting for the Doctor to show her the stars even as she suffered through months and months of a disease wasting away her body.

"Why her? I mean, out of all of time and space, why did the robots need her?"

The Doctor only gave her a small searching look, before he blabbered on about what pretty much amounted to 'Not a clue'.

They both fell silent once again and Rose knew what he needed to do - and that at least she could be there for him when he did it. Her hands tightened slightly on his and they both watched as with a small movement of the lever, the light in the fireplace extinguished for the last time, once and for all closing all the time windows to the little girl they had watched grow up only to lose her to death far too soon.

The Doctor was still wearing his coat - a sure sign that he still felt he needed the armour.

"Micks is asleep. Fancy a cuppa in the library?"

It was surprisingly easy to forget her own heartache, her own resentment and anger when faced with the death of this woman and her Doctor's pain. She didn't ever want to hurt him, not really. She smiled up at him, letting him know without words that she wouldn't be offended if he said no, if he would rather be alone.

He never answered, just using the levers to send the Tardis off into the vortex and then left her to float aimlessly. He gave her another indiscernable glance as he strode off, leaving her behind - but he did head for the library. Taking that as tacit consent to her presence, she quickly made two cups of tea, forgoing the cookies due to a lack of.. well, anything edible, and made her way to what she'd dubbed their couch, hidden in an alcove, surrounded by books and with a small fireplace nearby.

Mutely, she handed him his tea, watching as he gazed blankly at the parchment in his hand. A letter from her, not doubt. He noticed her eyes then and after only a moment's contemplation, he handed it to her. For a moment she wanted to see, to read it, find out what she'd left for him but then reason won out over curiousity and she folded it up.

"I've read about her, you know." Rose gently put the parchment back on the table, not daring to look back up at him and took hold of her own cup of tea, leaning back in the couch, making sure their legs brushed against another slightly, the contact still comforting after such a long time without any.

"Didn't look like you'd heard of her earlier."

There was no accusation to his voice so she merely nodded and confirmed his suspicions.

"That's because I hadn't." Rose mustered a small smile, knowing he wouldn't understand the irony in her voice at her next words. "But I did, after all, have five and a half hours... She was very impressive, wasn't she?"

Her doctor made a vague agreeing noise, so she continued.

"Maybe even more than you", she teased, receiving an eyeroll and the barest hint of a smile in return.

"Have to say though, I couldn't ever imagine having a child and then raising it to be a ... well, a well-paid prostitute. Shouldn't she want more for her?"

That topic rang an uncomfortable bell suddenly with her own mother telling her to not be getting airs and that she'd be working in a shop - but the Doctor didn't pick up on her distraction, instead explaining her earlier question.

"Different times, different perspectives. A courtesan for a queen is a highly sought-after profession."

Rose hummed slightly, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"'M sorry, you know. I think she would've loved it. Who wouldn't? You can show people the stars. I'm sorry she never got to see all the wonders out here. She would've been perfect for this life."

Against her expectations, the Doctor suddenly snorted.

"Nah, she would've never enjoyed our life. She wanted to see the stars, I wanted to show them to her, but can you really imagine her running? Or in a jail cell? Nah, she liked the idea of it, but it wouldn't have suited her. But she deserved to see something more - she was a visionary for her times and she should've been allowed the world she'd helped create, should've been allowed to see the other worlds and cultures out there."

Rose didn't know what to make of that - she'd often thought similar thoughts over the past few months, but since he'd invited her, she'd thought there was far more to her than she'd seen. And that was fair enough - how well could you really know a person by reading about her two hundred years later?

She opened her mouth, about to ask him if he still wanted her to come with him, not knowing if she wanted to hear his answer, when he abruptly stood up, tea finished.

"I'm going to get some sleep. See you in a couple of hours?"

Scowling, Rose stared after him. He'd not only left her with his empty tea cup, no he'd not even let her say goodnight. When the library doors closed, her scowl dropped and she allowed the pain to return.

This was not the way anything was meant to go - not for her, not for the Doctor and definitely not for Madame de Pompadour.

And it was time to get Mickey back on board - that would take some persuasion.

A silent request to the Tardis made sure the Doctor wouldn't be able to enter the library until she was finished.

She held her breath until, finally, Mickey answered the phone.

"Rose? God, please tell me it's you. Rose? Are you okay?"

It felt so good to hear from him, to hear from someone who had been concerned for her.

"Hey Micks. Yeah, it's me. 'm sorry for not calling sooner."

She could hear his forced calm breath on the other end and Sarah Jane's voice in the background asking if this was her. Well, at least he hadn't returned to the estate.

"What did you mean with your letter? I'd have to go back? And what the hell happened there? You were bleeding! And you were- I don't know what that was but there was this golden light and-"

"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. I haven't got the time just now to explain and I need to ask you for a huge favour." She could hear him inhale, about to interrupt her.

"No, Mickey, I really need you to listen. I did something really, really stupid. And it means I can sort of see... well, I know what's going to happen - what has to happen. And listen to me, I'm going to land the Tardis near you. The Doctor is back now and he can't know you ever left. You have to come with us on one more trip or thousands of people will die, me and the Doctor included. I am so, so sorry, but I really need you to come."

There was a pause and she held her breath, hoping he'd agree. Finally she heard the resigned exhale from her ex-boyfriend.

"Of course I'll come, Rose, you know that. I'd never let you die. But I don't understand - why can't the Doctor know? He left us there, Rose. Abandoned us - for months! Hell, for all I know you've been there alone for another couple of years. He can't-"

Her voice was empty as she clarified, "He thinks it was five and a half hours."

"He WHAT?"

Rose swallowed, knowing the worst was yet to come.

"Promise me, Micks, whatever happens to me, to you or to him, you can't tell him, not ever. He can't know. Promise me."

"No way. That bastard left us and he deserves to know what he's done to you!"

Closing her eyes, pressing the back of her hand to her eyes, she looked at the floor, knowing she'd have to tell him.

"I'm not human, Micks. Not anymore. And he can't know. It would kill him, please. That golden light you saw? That was me. Is me. I can't really explain it, but please. I can't be left behind. Please don't tell him. He'd ask questions, questions you wouldn't be able to answer without telling him about me. Please, Mickey. I never told anyone about the smoke you had after school or the jumper you stole. Please."

A humourless laugh echoed through her mobile phone.

"I think this is just a _little_ bit bigger than that." Another pause. "Okay, listen, I won't say anything, but you can't expect me to be civil to him."

Rose laughed lightly.

"You've never been civil to him."

"Yeah, well, at least the last him wouldn't have left you behind."

She couldn't say anything to that and he knew her well enough to read her silence.

"I'm gonna grab some food since I presume we're not telling his lordship about the mysteriously depleted supplies either. When are you coming?"

"Tonight for you. Five minutes for me."

She heard Mickey communicate with Sarah Jane in the background before he confirmed the date for her. She nodded and hung up without a goodbye.

Time for her to get them to Sarah Jane's. The Doctor had gotten the Tardis into the vortex, so she only had a little bit of work to do to get to Earth. The ship knew their plan, so she could count on her to send the Doctor to one of the other console rooms and momentarily distract him.

Swallowing her fears, Rose strode over to the telepathic interface and without a moment's thought, sunk her hands in.

Sarah Jane's timeline was familiar and easy to pick out among the thousands of billions of timestreams - well, relatively speaking at least.

A pull and with the Tardis' help it was a rather painless procedure. She quickly checked the console screens to ensure her landing was accurate, but rushed to move on as she could already hear the Doctor's bedroom door being flung open and his footsteps running through the corridors, cursing the ship for diverting him time and again. Rose smirked slightly and then made her way to the doors.

Barely a step outside she felt Sarah Jane's arms and Mickey's both wrap around her. Only a moment later Sarah Jane pulled back, gave her a quick, critical once over and then a curious look.

"You've lost weight... Intentional?"

Rose almost grinned. Sarah Jane, investigator. And she'd picked up on it when the Doctor hadn't. To be fair, though, he was a bloke and they were often oblivious to these things.

"No. Unfortunate side-effect. 'M afraid we're really short of time and have to dash. Lovely to see you, Sarah Jane. Thanks for taking care of Mickey for me, I wouldn't have asked if I had any other choice."

The older woman simply shook her head.

"It's okay. You're both welcome back any time. Come and say hi sometime."

Rose smiled and nodded even as she was pushing Mickey into the Tardis. With the other hand she quickly grabbed the other two bags of groceries, depositing them in the entrance and silently asking the Tardis to put them into the right cupboards.

To her amusement, she heard Mickey exclaim behind her, "I didn't know the Tardis ate food!"

Rose snorted lightly.

"Nah, she doesn't. Just asked her to pop those away for us so the Doctor doesn't notice."

Both Sarah Jane and Mickey stared at her, taken aback at her ability for mental communication with the ship.

"Gotta run," the blue ship had warned her that the Doctor was getting closer and they had very little time left.

With a quick wave, she shut the door and made her way over to the telepathic console, ignoring Mickey's queries and only vaguely aware of his abrupt silence the moment she accessed the vortex.

It didn't take long to propel the Tardis back into the Vortex but this time she could feel the blood rushing in her ears and feel the weakness in her limbs, the pain flaring up across her body as it was suddenly overwhelmed with the power. Her body was burning, burning, everything was on fire - and then suddenly so cold... She felt herself swaying, eyes open, lips moving, trying to warn Mickey, but no sound came out. Then, with one final gasp, the tremors took over and her body arched up to escape the pain that had now taken over her entire body. All other thoughts vanished as her nerve centres fired off and lights flashed in front of her eyes just moments before her body gave way and her mind withdrew to protect itself from the agony.

And with that everything faded to black and she was only vaguely aware of arms catching her in her descent before she could hit the floor.

* * *

Hi everyone,

I would love to hear what you think of my latest chapter - let me know J

Please review!

Thank you everyone!

And now to address the reviews from my last chapter:

* * *

**Dreamcatcher49**

Hiya, thanks for the lovely review. Yep, correct, canon will diverge and there may or may not be repercussions to separating our lovely ship and the wonderful Rose Tyler. And yeah, you're getting ahead of yourself but so am I! I'm super-excited for what's to come, so I'm glad you are too. I've got so many ideas and it's hard not to skip in the fanfiction to what I actually want to write next :) I hope I've semi-refrained from doing so. Hope you enjoyed this chapter and I would love to hear what you think of it.

* * *

**BadWolf9653**

Yay, thank you very much, BadWolf 9653. You'll be glad to know that this was the second chapter and, as of next week I may be unemployed so yay for you - much more time to write. I'm really glad you're enjoying it and I would love to hear from you again to see what you think of this latest chapter.

* * *

**Toester **

Yay, thank you very much. I'm glad to hear that this already ranks in one of the best you've read and I do hope you'll continue reading. Yeah, so did I, at least partly, but then he probably thought no time at all would pass for Rose. Silly boy. Anyway, I kinda feel for him because, well, he does have to watch everyone either die or leave him. But yeah, leaving Rose behind and just a day after he told her "Not to you" when she asked if he'd leave her behind - yeah, that wasn't a good move. Admittedly he didn't have many options, but still. Anyway, hence this fanfiction, I guess. Well, that and a multitude of other reasons, but sorry, off on a ramble. Let me know what you think of the latest chapter - I do hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for the review!

* * *

**Caro **

Thank you so very much for your review, Caro and for sharing all your thoughts and emotions. I'm glad I managed to make you smile and cry - that's what my main aim is - well, no, that sounded bad. I mean I do try to evoke emotions with my fanfic, so I'm glad you felt along with our heroine.

Nine, I think, is one of my favourites. Christopher Eccleston is fantastic! And yeah, course it would take multiple sessions. I'd imagine that sort of power doesn't just grant one instantaneous understanding; well, at least in my fic there isn't - the powers of an author.

I am so glad that I managed to convey the emotions well enough to turn you into a pile of sobbing goo (great description, just by the way). I just wanted to portray what I felt it would've been like after the adrenaline rush has left and the reality intrudes. And yeah, I think Nine loved her deeply while Ten loves her fiercely - different ways of loving, to me, which describe the shift between the two.

Anyway, thanks for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope you'll let me know what you think of the latest one!

* * *

**Magali **

Hi Magali, thanks for your review. I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I realise Hughes Hefner has a rather sordid reputation, but he was once a cool guy - someone, with a mansion full of playboy bunnies and yet holding black and white movie nights with them and things like that. Now that he's an old man, I agree, it does somehow look rather dodgy.

To me, the reason the Doctor has mainly had female companions was due to their softer nature. Boys - like Mickey and Jack - will often be more gung-ho, more ben on destruction; which is also what the Doctor has done during the Time War, the one thing he doesn't want to be identified with. The Doctor. He wants to help people - never cruel or cowardly, never give up, never give in. And woman do have a higher tendency to forgive and forget, to remind him that killing isn't the solution, that he should give them a chance. Anyway, that's my interpretation on it.

I do hope you enjoyed the latest chapter - let me know your thoughts :) I'm aiming not to diverge too much from canon just yet.

* * *

**J **

Hiya - thanks for your review. You pointed out a rather big flaw; I forgot to check and hadn't imported the separators from my word document! So, if you re-read it now, it should be much, much easier hopefully. So no, it's not your English skills and thanks for pointing it out :) Hope you enjoy this latest chapter - I would love to hear your thoughts!


	3. How far we've come

Hello Everyone and thank you very much for all your lovely reviews. This update is just in time for my birthday - 4th June - so I'm not gonna read any reviews till then :) With any luck, I'll have lots of lovely feedback by then. Cheeky, I know.

Lately, I've had some difficulties writing the beginning of my stories for some reason. This chapter in particular has had to go through the three very, very different rewrites. I am quite happy with this latest one so I continued running with it and before I knew it, I'd written another 6k (9k in total) and still no Doctor-Rose love; so I'm afraid this chapter had to grow to a proud 14k to include some fluffy, sweet moments that didn't fit into my previous chapters.

Going forward, we're gonna have some time jumps as I'm not going to rewrite a single episode; there will be in-between bits or after/before bits I'll put in here and there, but no rewriting of entire episodes (too much work, too little fun).

Anyway, hope you all have lots of fun with the next chapter and I would love feedback from every single one of you! For the moment, I dedicate this to the reviewers from my last chapter:

**Painted Orchid**

**paradiso31**

**J **

**cecilehem**

**Kylaia78 **

**madagascarpingu**

**MuppetKatie**

**Guest **

* * *

He'd seen it before, had watched and stood by as Rose had changed herself; he'd been there when she had decided to leave Jimmy, he'd been there when she'd slowly rediscovered herself, found her confidence again just as she'd been by his side when his parents died, had held him when his grandmother passed away in the hospital; him and Rose. He'd thought they'd be forever.

He had known Rose since she was a baby, thought he'd seen all her faces, could read her without words... except that he'd been cowering on the ground, unsure what to do when his then-girlfriend had grabbed a chain and swung over the pit to save a man they'd just met. He'd never before seen that fierce look of determination, that sparkle in her eyes when she'd teased the Doctor - the old one - about being useless without her.

Rose had changed again; she always seemed to constantly evolve. Except that when she was young she'd changed for her mother and then, as she grew older, she'd changed herself for Jimmy. He suspected that even with him she'd never truly been herself - certainly never the way he saw her with _him_ \- the Doctor. This time though Rose hadn't changed herself for the Doctor or the Tardis or even this lifestyle. No... Rose had changed and become everything_ she_ wanted to be. This new Rose didn't hold back, didn't stand aside and wait for others to rescue her, wouldn't be intimated by higher society or alien life forms.

He'd seen it, of course he had, but he hadn't understood - at least, not until he had spent that week with Sarah Jane. He'd mocked the Doctor back then, about the missus and the ex meeting, but he hadn't understood that for all his human behaviours, the Doctor was very much an alien. Sarah Jane had told him about her adventures in a way that Rose never had - the dangers, the excitement, the uncertainty ... The Doctor had been right a long time ago with the Slitheen. It wasn't fun or smart. It was making a judgement call when no one else would. When there was no one else and it was just the Doctor with the lives of billions of people, entire civilisations and planets resting on him making the right or wrong choice.

Rose had protected her mum from the reality of her life by telling them about the fun aspects of cultural misunderstandings, had shared with them her amazed wonder at the worlds and aliens she'd encountered. Jack had certainly not helped with his stories of being naked and running. But he suspected Rose had been in a situation like this more often than not - fighting clockwork droids to the best of her ability, holding them off, hoping that this time the Doctor would rescue her in the nick of time.

And he had, he always had - Sarah Jane had told him as much. Even if you sometimes had to risk your life, the Doctor would rather give his own life before he'd let anyone be killed. It was frightening to see that same unquestioning belief Rose had in the man in someone who had been all but abandoned by the Doctor decades beforehand.

But Sarah Jane had faith in him, would still and always, if he'd ever ask - she'd entrust her life to him. Though of course she would question and challenge him, when push came to shove, she'd follow him to the ends of the Universe. Just as Rose would. Because, in the end, this man who had given up and lost everything and everyone close to him, was the only one still standing up, time and again, to save _everyone_. And no one was there for him.

K-9 more so than Sarah Jane, had explained the realities of time travel to him, had explained the reasoning behind the Doctor's rescue of Madame Pompadour. And he understood, really, he did, why he'd done what he had. What he didn't understand was why he'd not told them how to get home first, why he hadn't programmed his ship.

He'd left them there to die and that was something Mickey just couldn't forgive.

And then Rose had come and done... whatever it was she had done. Even Sarah Jane didn't know. K-9 had given them several possibilities, but had also indicated that she shouldn't have survived any of those.

Yet here she was. Rose, his ex-girlfriend and best friend throughout childhood, the girl he loved. Her entire body seemed to thrum with some sort of power, barely contained and escaping through her eyes, which were glowing a bright gold while she was commandeering the Tardis somehow - even talking to her mentally. And he didn't recognise her - there was no upward twitch to her lips, no warm touch or soft look, no emotions shown where it used to radiate from her. The woman in front of him looked more like a goddess than a human being. Unemotional, cold and ... distant. So close and yet so far, unable to touch, not daring to reach out for her to this golden, glowing female, half afraid he'd be burnt just being near her and half thinking she'd disappear if he dared to touch her.

Up until now he'd been forced to accept the Doctor was good for her, saved her when he hadn't been able to, had helped Rose find herself in a way that he couldn't. Except now she was doing this... this thing and there was a hesitancy to her movements around him, a quiver in her hugs, a sadness in her eyes that he had never wanted to see, not in Rose.

Suddenly he saw her stumble, golden glow receding and he unwittingly stepped forward to help her regain her balance. Bemused Mickey watched as her mouth opened as if to say something but then the golden light came back, brighter than before, suffusing her entire being and he watched, horrified, as her lips parted to let out a scream but no voice ever left her.

Before he knew what he was doing, he'd rushed forward just barely catching her when the golden glow disappeared and her body fell to the ground. Grunting slightly with the effort of stabilising them both in semi-upright position, Mickey looked around himself. The Doctor's voice was closer than ever and he didn't know why but he knew that Rose didn't want the Doctor to know.

And however angry he might be with her and the Doctor just now, he wouldn't betray her confidence like that. Not now, not ever. He almost sighed in frustration, unsure what to do, when he suddenly saw the new door only a few feet away - the door made of rosewood with a golden rose engraved in it. Snorting slightly at the unsubtle hints, he heaved his best friend over his shoulder in a fireman's carry and made his way to what he presumed was Rose's room.

For now, it was far more important that Rose would survive this - then he swore to himself, he'd get his answers. Because he was no one's tin dog anymore. He refused to be.

* * *

What was he meant to do now? At a loss, Mickey found himself staring at the blonde, cataloguing the differences as he'd taken to doing every time she returned from the Doctor.

The weight loss was staggering - especially now that he'd spent a few days at Sarah Jane's. He'd known she was losing weight - he wasn't blind. But it was only now that he could truly see the difference between who she used to be and the Rose lying on the bed in front of him.

Back then, when the Doctor had left, he hadn't understood. He didn't know when she'd become quite so good at covering up, at pretending, at being someone she wasn't... but even he'd believed her. Even at the most basic level, it simply hadn't occurred to him they might run out of food. The ship always seemed to have what they needed, so he hadn't thought about it.

And he hadn't been able to understand her unfaltering faith in the Doctor back then, before he'd talked to Sarah Jane; even after he'd left them on the spaceship, abandoned them to their own fate, she defended him, kept on defending him and refused to blame him. It had infuriated him then and he'd accused her of the worst thing he could; he'd accused her of the Doctor being her 'new' Jimmy Stone... his ears had still been ringing three days later and he suspected that rather that Rose had surpassed her mother even with the sheer force behind it.

* * *

_"He had to go!"_

_"Oh," Mickey's voice was biting. Being stuck in space on a thrice-damned empty ship hadn't helped his temper - nor his jealousy. Rose had been his girlfriend and he'd never have left her behind like this, abandoned her the moment another pretty bird looked his way. It grated on him that despite all the evidence, she seemed to keep on forgiving the Doctor no matter what. "'course he did. Just like Jimmy, eh? You saw it with your own eyes, Rose, and yet here you are, denying it. Again. What's it take? Does the Madame need to spread her legs over the console for him before you realise he's-"_

_He swallowed the rest of the sentence when her hand made contact with his cheek and he felt his face explode with pain. He should've expected it, really, but somehow he hadn't thought it would be quite this painful._

_"Listen to me, Micks, and listen good. Cause I've had it. For months now you've kept accusing the Doctor, kept blaming and yeah, a quick trip home beforehand would've been nice, but there was no time."_

_"Bull. He could've used the Tardis to-"_

_Rose, glaring viciously enough to silence him again, stepped closer._

_"No, Micks, you don't understand. He would never - never ever - leave us behind, not you and not me. You don't know what he's been through, what he... what he had to do. If he had any other way, any way at all, he would've done it, trust me." _

_The same unwavering faith she'd once displayed in the previous Doctor, the same faith she had once had in her mum, the sheer unfaltering trust from her that made you feel like you could move mountains if she asked you to, was written all over her face and it only furthered his anger; She had never looked at him like that. Not when he'd stood up for her in front of Jimmy and not when he'd killed clockwork robots to save her. _

_"See, I've been there. With him," he frowned, confused, but Rose continued, her countenance dropping as the anger fell away from her._

_"Not France, 'course, but I asked him... time machine... how could I not? See, remember how mum always said there was a blonde woman there when dad died? But I still remember mum talking, telling me about dad dying alone in the street, no one there to hold him, to talk to him... except all you remember now is someone being there. Don't you see? We went back, the Doctor and me, and I saved him. And it killed him - not my dad, but the Doctor. And not just him... See, saving my dad even though he should've died... reapers came in. They were tearing reality apart, eating people - and I caused that. So yeah, I trust him, cause no matter what, no matter what I've done, he's never let me down. He's always been there for me, Mick, even when I nearly managed to kill the future we knew, he was there."_

_Mickey found his anger draining at the sight of the unshed tears in her eyes. He wanted to challenge, wanted to ask her what about him, about when he'd picked her up and helped her after Jimmy Stone had left her, beaten and bruised, what about when she'd been cornered by some of the local guys down at the bar and he'd jumped in... he'd always stood by her, and yet it seemed he couldn't match the Doctor, even now. Not in her eyes, at least, even if hers had been the only ones who had ever counted. _

_"He stood by me then, tried to help me save my dad even though he knew - knew! - there was no way. And he died for me, died to spare me having to watch my dad die again. And that was just my dad. For all his ideas, he didn't really change the world. But, see, Madame de Pompadour did. She wasn't just some courtesan, she influenced the king, initiated movements and thoughts far ahead of her time. If she died, then you and me - we'd never even be born. And so he did the only thing he could to save you an' me. He went to the past. Y'know the Doctor, hates domestics... and yet he's stuck there now, for us. I mean, can you imagine him havin' a job in the 18th Century? 'S like his worst nightmare."_

_He wanted to stop her, wanted to tell her he understood - even though he didn't really - because he really didn't want to hear more about how he'd never measure up. But this was Rose - his best friend since childhood... and in the last two months she hadn't once shown him her frustration, her anger, her fear. This was the first time she'd opened up to him, even in anger, so he kept quiet, hoping that maybe he could help her - even if it was just by listening to her as she spilled her heart about the Doctor._

* * *

A muted gasp from the bed drew him from his reverie. Eyebrows scrunched, forehead covered in sweat, Rose's body arched up before she collapsed back down into the mattress, lines of pain written in her face.

Her fever hadn't abated at all in the last two hours and her pained moans and the shivers shaking her body tore at him. He didn't know what to do. His best friend was in pain and there was nothing he could do to help her.

"Micks," Rose's voice, even with the current rough note to it, was easy to recognise. Relief flooded him. Until he'd been with Sarah Jane, he hadn't quite appreciated just how much he had come to rely on both Tyler women in his life.

"Rose!" he tightened his grip around her hand gently, smiling warmly at the blonde though that faltered quickly. Rather than looking better, as he had falsely expected since she was awake, she looked even paler. If anything, she looked worse than moments before.

"Look, Micks, 'm gonna be fine. Just lemme get some rest, yeah?"

Before he could even tell her that there was no way he was going to leave her alone - and that no, she did not look like she was going to be fine - the ship seemed to come alive and emit a hum that almost sounded... reprimanding? Agape, he stared around him - yes, technically, he knew the ship was alive. It had even provided him with a door when he'd really needed to escape with Rose from the console room, but he'd never been presented with such clear almost human-like quality in his interactions with the ship.

Fascinated, he watched as Rose's brows drew into a frown and face took on a very familiar stubborn expression. Instead of speaking aloud, though, she seemed to argue mentally with the ship. Moments later the creases in her face disappeared as she seemed to resign and concede to the ship's opinion on... well, whatever they had been talking about.

For a moment he'd really thought that yeah, she might actually be fine but when she turned back to him he finally noticed the other signs; her hands were clenched around the duvet and despite the increased blood flow they were pale white and shaking, her shoulders were tense and she was hunched over. Her chin was tilted upwards, stubbornly fighting to hide any signs of the pain, but her eyes shone brightly with it, covered in a haze and he could see her frequently losing focus, eyes drifting, when she fought to stay upright.

"'m sorry, Micks. Gonna need your help now. I promise, I'll tell you later, but for now," here her teeth clenched abruptly and he could see a tremor passing through her body. Helplessly, he stepped forward, intent on doing something - anything - to help her but it had already passed. Rose hissed as she slowly relaxed her muscles, the pain evident in her every movement now.

"'m gonna be unconscious. Was a bit stupid of me to rush this... And I'll have fever and be in a lot of pain. Room's soundproof. But I need you to make sure the Doctor doesn't see me."

His hands clenched almost automatically - not, as Rose obviously thought, in anger at the Doctor, but rather in anger at her; he would've gladly stayed had she asked him to help her, to stay with her, make sure she didn't hurt herself - but instead she'd asked for him to hide her from the Doctor. For once, he wished she'd put herself first.

"Please, Micks... he can't- please-"

He cut her off before she could go any further. The day he was able to say no to her was still far off into the future, if ever - especially since she'd rarely asked for anything, having learnt early on that her mum had precious little money

"Course. I won't let him see you... not until you're ready. I promise."

The relief was written sharply across her face and for the first time since they were reunited, he saw her usual warm smile cross her face. Then, without warning, her body arched up, her eyes ripped open and a scream unlike any he'd ever heard from her before came out, cutting off halfway when her voice faltered.

Mickey's hands shook. By god, he wished she was unconscious again. Anything - anything but to hear her scream like that and be unable to do anything but stand there; stand here and watch as the pain consumed her. It was only when her hands lashed out and she hit the corner of the bedside table, a bruise rapidly forming, that he finally realised what he could do to help.

Jaw set, he set about finding anything in the room he could use to tie her down and stop her from inflicting further damage to herself.

This was not what he'd thought his return would be like. Lots of hugs, quite a bit of shouting and arguments and then dinner together to make up... he'd thought that if she was alive, if she was able to call him, then everything was fine. A bit naive, maybe, but it hadn't occurred to him there would be lasting damage. Not even when she'd told him she'd changed.

After all, this was Rose, his Rose.

* * *

When he was finally sure that the ties would hold her without cutting off the circulation, he sat back down next to her, using a wet towel to wipe down her face. Her body seemed to have collapsed into itself mid-way through another episode that left her body shaking with the pain. He suspected she was unconscious and hoped that it meant she was finally unaware of the pain obviously ravaging her body.

He couldn't help but wonder now, retrospectively, if this was what she'd gone through that day too - the day she'd left him with Sarah Jane. She'd broken her promise to him, but if this was what she'd suffered for it, he couldn't find it in his heart to feel any more anger towards her.

Softly at first, he found himself talking to her unmoving body - not because he expected her to hear him but more because he needed to say it and because he needed to fill the silence with something - anything - that would stop her screaming voice echoing in his ears, anything that would fill the dreadful silence that would otherwise only leave him to contemplate all the horror she must have suffered through on her own.

"Still don't know what it was you did there. That golden light... tell you what, never been so scared in my life - not even tied to that table with the robots or up on the spaceship for two months with no way home... Seeing you, bleeding, glowing golden - I was in awe and terrified at the same time. Never seen anythin' like it - well, s'pose that's a given. Still, being left with Sarah Jane, unable to contact you, not knowing if you were alive... And your letter," snorting lightly, no trace of humour in his eyes, he looked down at his best friend, her body writhing even when her facial features remained lax - unconscious.

"Your letter only scared me worse. Why'd you do it, if you knew you'd die? Why? I mean, we could've waited together... and that's another thing. How long were you here? Alone... I know you... You're gonna tell me it's just been a couple of days but despite what you think, I'm no tin dog. I know you. That's not been a few days or even a fortnight. You were alone here for months... Months... You, who can't stand to be two hours without some human interaction..."

Rubbing his eyes, attempting to stop the tears that had been trying to come forth since her phone call earlier. She was alive. Rose was alive. Not well, not even remotely good, but she was alive. And that was more than he'd expected after what he'd seen.

The loud knocking on the door and the rattling of the door handle rather abruptly put an end to his momentary weakness.

"ROSE!"

The Doctor's panicked voice was unmistakeable even after all these months. Standing up, Mickey put the cloth on the bedside table, trying to gather his resolve. For all his grandstanding, he knew very well that the Doctor cared about Rose - oh, he cared. He might try to hide it but it was easy to see when you had the two of them around you. His eyes were always on her, always making sure that she was alright.

And now he'd have to lie to him. His hand tenderly caressed her clammy forehead, the stark contrast of temperature only serving to emphasise her failing health to him. There was Rose, lying tied up, in pain, scratches on her upper arm, bruise on her wrist, clothes clinging to her body from the sweat of the fever and exertion, and he'd be standing in front of the Doctor and tell him she was alright when she was the furthest from it he'd ever seen.

Sighing slightly, he stepped away from the bed and up to the door behind which he could already hear the whirring noise of the Sonic Screwdriver.

* * *

He frowned. This evening was becoming odder by the minute. He'd have to take a closer look at his ship later; first he'd found a room for Madame de Pompadour next to his where Rose's used to be. And with a connecting door! Rose was the only one who had ever had the privilege and the only one he'd ever trusted enough to have a permanent open door between their two bedrooms. And on top of that, her room had seemingly disappeared!

He'd not thought much of it, at the time, thinking maybe the Tardis had momentarily moved Rose's room to the library - the old girl really outdid herself when it came to accommodating the blonde's every whim; from new colours in the kitchen to long-hidden rooms reappearing. The Tardis really did her best to please Rose and answer her every wish, whether it was actually spoken out loud or merely thought. It would've been funny, except whenever he did anything the ship deemed 'not right', his bathroom would suddenly turn pink or his bed turn into a slide, which was a lot less fun than it sounded when you tried to get some sleep.

And, he'd thought, maybe the ship missed him and had tried to help by putting Madame the Pompadour's room there - except, of course, that was ridiculous as the Tardis would've known the Madame would never be able to set foot in her.

But he'd dismissed it then, too tired of being the recipient of yet another reminder of Rose's comparatively short lifespan - as if he didn't already know that all too well himself -, too tired of having broken yet another promise, of having to watch yet another human he'd cared for, wither away in front of him and die. He'd seen it too often, watched far too frequently when the people he loved were taken from him, one by one. Yet he never seemed to quite be able to help himself, never able to stop himself from getting attached to the people he met on his travels. This one had been yet another one in a long list of mistakes he'd made, promising too much to a woman he'd known was bound for death too soon at too young an age, even for her time period. All he had wanted was to go to bed and forget, just for a moment, that his latest companions, too, would leave him in the blink of an eye for his species; that if death or age didn't claim them first, they would always leave.

It was the movement, the jolting - and the irritatingly smooth landing - that first alerted him to anything awry; and that, too, was wrong. There should've been something from the Tardis, something to let him know she wasn't alright or that others were aboard; but she remained frustratingly silent to all his efforts to talk to her.

He didn't know what it was, but the Tardis couldn't fly herself - or land herself. Now, theoretically speaking, they could've been pulled in by a tractor beam or similar, except she'd somehow gone right back into the time vortex and that - that was impossible. Not just improbable, but actually impossible without being on board.

So that left him with the assumption that someone else was on board and had commandeered his ship - though how, he wasn't sure. He wasn't kidding when he said it took six people to fly her and it definitely took a couple of decades of learning to know how to navigate such a complicated ship; especially without being able to see time the way Time Lords were able to. It wasn't a linear movement and required a lot of knowledge about time and the vortex that very, very few species aside from Time Lords had. So - impossible.

And then he or she had actually managed to get the Tardis, his own ship, to change routes and hallways and even make the shortcuts inaccessible. It should be impossible - and he was really starting to dislike that word tonight. When he had finally managed to reach the console room there had been no one and he'd ignored the Tardis' reassurances - because how could it all be the way it should be? So of course his first instinct had been to scan the ship, to check, except he'd suddenly thought that if the intruder wasn't here - then maybe he'd escaped and found Rose? Jeopardy-friendliest of all his companions; and that was saying something! Or maybe Mickey?

So he'd run off once again, after making sure to seal of the console room despite his ship's loud complaints. She had, in turn, made her frustration with him quite well known, by turning the hallway's fluorescent. If someone had indeed tampered with her, they had certainly left her personality and her ability to rearrange things to her own wishes, intact. Directing a rather impolite comment in Gallifreyan at his ship, he did his best to ignore the colours and ran down corridor after corridor in a vain attempt to locate Rose's room's new location.

After having run up and down several staircases, having fallen down several slides - courtesy of the Tardis replacing the steps half-way through - he finally had enough.

"Blimey! Listen, I'm as concerned about her as you are and this could be serious! Rose's life is in danger! So, the time for games is over. SHOW! ME! ROSE'S! ROOM!"

The Tardis seemed to realise that he was well and truly prepared to fight her on this, consequences be damned, as she sent a mental apology and he easily found his way to her room with his ship now working alongside him. Upon realising just where he was - five levels down from his room - he gave his ship a mental prod, asking her to relocate it to its usual place; next to his room - and got the most curious response.

His ship told him in no uncertain terms that this was where Rose wanted to be and that she wouldn't move the room, not even for him, unless Rose requested it. Frowning to himself at that new information - not to mention that he had no idea what to make of that statement; why would his companion suddenly want this distance between them? - he silently approached her door, intending to throw the door open and surprise whoever was in there.

Except the door was locked.

Rose never locked her door - well, almost never. To be fair, Adam had been surprisingly successful in making both of them want to throw him out into the vortex but the blonde had argued that no, scientific curiousity was not good enough a reason (he still wasn't quite so sure about that).

Now truly worried, he hammered on the door, trying to listen for any noises that would indicate Rose was in distress, but only silence greeted him; instead of quietening his anxieties it only served to amplify them.

He thought he'd been prepared for everything - even the worst case scenario; this one had never been among them, though he now thought it probably should have been. When the door opened it wasn't Rose that greeted him, nor her captor - well, at least he didn't think the boy was her captor.

It was Mickey. Rose's ex... who had just come out of her bedroom... that Rose had asked to relocate away from him. Now, he wasn't au fait with all of human's customs and had frequently been accused of being a bit daft when it came to the more emotional side of things, but this - this was pretty clear, wasn't it?

"What are you doing here?"

Okay, well, he hadn't meant to sound quite so incredulous - well, okay, maybe he had - but the smirk on the boy's face just served to heighten his anger.

"Nah, question is - what do you _think_ I'm doing here?"

Growling slightly, both in jealousy and frustration - he still hadn't seen Rose, could almost feel a physical itch that would only be soothed by touching her, reassuring himself of her continued wellbeing - he stepped into Mickey's personal space and for the first time in a long time he could feel the anger, the cold rage, the part of him that people had called the 'Oncoming Storm' come to the surface.

Why was everyone intent on playing games with him tonight? He needed to know that Rose was alright and he'd force his way past both Mickey and the Tardis if he had to. Luckily, Mickey had more sense than he'd thought as the boy nodded curtly.

"Rose got a bit of a flu and I'm just makin' sure she's alright."

He frowned, still trying in vain to look past the boy and through the door to ascertain Rose's condition.

"You do realise that I'm a Doctor in more than just name. If you'll let me in, I can help her and get her back up in a jiffy," then, directed towards the room behind Mickey, "call your guard dog off, Rose, it's just me."

Something wasn't right - really not right. And he still didn't know what had caused that with the Tardis. He was itching to find out but at the same time he needed to make sure Rose was alright.

"God, you really are an alien sometimes. She just needs some sleep and rest - I'm just here to make sure she's okay."

"I can do that - done that loads of times, actually. She is awfully jeopardy-friendly, Rose is. A thousand years of time and space and I've never met someone quite as capable of finding danger around every corner... Well, when I say I've never met, I did kind of meet myself, but since I'd never go travelling with myself - Rassilon, can you imagine the arguments? - I wouldn't count myself. By now I can actually tell you where she is in her sleep pattern just by glancing at her. Actually, I think I've slept more in her bed than my own!"

Now, there were moments, every now and then, when his mouth may or may not run away from him and he may or may not blurt out things that could... well, be taken a different way. And by Rassilon, he had never been happier that Jackie wasn't nearby. The slap he'd have gotten for those words would've probably been enough to regenerate him - and what an embarrassing way that was to go.

Mickey was staring at him now, open-mouthed, and he could actually feel himself blushing. And he'd thought he was too old to blush at this stage. Certainly not for something so innocuous and seemingly innocent - no, definitely innocent, no seemingly about it - as this.

"Oh, well done, Mickey. I don't even need to ask to know what you're thinking. One track mind. You forget I'm a Time Lord, I'm-"

He was rudely interrupted by a snort of suppressed laughter from Rose's ex. He was really starting to rethink taking the boy along now.

"Sorry, sorry, carry on. You were gonna say about how you're so different from the rest of us mortals, aye? 'Bout how you don't think like normal blokes - 'specially not about her. Well, 'm afraid I don't think that's gonna fly. Saw you hop off with Madame like a lovesick puppy, after all."

Well, this was unsual; Jealous Mickey, angry, surprised - he'd seen all those. But derisive? Hurt? He'd never seen him lash out like this without a reason. And he couldn't - oh... maybe?

"Look, Mickey, if you wanna go you're free to leave any time. If you want to come with us, you're going to have to appreciate there are bigger things at stake here than leaving you alone for a couple of hours. Now, I can promise I won't leave you for more than a couple of days, at most. I'll always come back for both of you and I will do the best I can to get both of you home safe and sound."

If anything, Mickey only looked angrier.

"Look, Doc, Rose said she doesn't want you to see her like this and as far as I'm concerned, that's enough. You're not getting in."

Eyebrows raised, feeling his own fury rise at this puny boy try and deny him entrance to one of the rooms on his ship - and, most importantly, the room Rose was in, he stepped into his personal space.

"You wanna stop me from getting into a room on my own ship?"

He could see the smirk on Mickey's face in response to his question, but it made no sense.

"Nah, not me."

And before he could stop him, Mickey had slipped back into the room and closed the door. Normally that wouldn't have fazed him - his sonic screwdriver was on him at all times, after all - but the door had melted into the wall and there was nothing to open.

"Oh, c'mmon!" incredulous and disbelieving, he mentally reached out almost instinctively for the strong presence in the back of his mind that signified his connection to the ship. At any other time he would've been amused to realise the Tardis was giving him the equivalent of the cold shoulder at his outraged demand he open the doors for him; this was his ship after all... except that, obviously, his time ship disagreed.

* * *

After another half an hour spent arguing with the ship, he finally gave in. His sonic hadn't made a difference and even his attempt to rewire her so he had access to the room again, was made more difficult by his ship's resistance - and her version of electroshock therapy if he went anywhere near her cables.

With a frustrated growl he trudged off to the library, glad that at least the Tardis was now cooperating that much and made the journey easier for him rather than sending him down a few dead-end corridors.

Gratefully, he sank down in what he'd claimed as his chair in the library. Unwillingly, his eyes drifted over to the long (and extremely comfortable) couch - the one he used to share with Rose.

It always took some time to work out all the quirks of the new 'him' after regeneration and he hadn't even paused to consider it before but this version was far more tactile. He had noticed, of course he had, as the urge to touch and taste everything around him was nigh impossible to suppress; he'd even been the first to taste-test Jackie's own brand of cranberry sauce with Christmas dinner. But he'd never thought about in relation to her, about the changes it would bring to their relationship.

After Cassandra's possession, Rose had been nervous about being alone - not that she'd ever said that, but when she'd sat at his side while he worked on the Tardis without a single complaint, he'd worked it out and, in a flash of brilliance, suggested a night spent at the library.

She'd agreed and after gathering the prerequisite snack food, they'd made their way to the library, almost automatically curling up with each other and if anything Rose had only fit better against him then before. Instead of watching a movie - as it might have strained her eyes and increased the migraine rather than easing it - he'd read Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet to her, one hand gently massaging her temples and holding the book with the other.

It wouldn't have been too unusual for what they normally did - except that every part of him was hyper-aware of every inch of skin contact they had, could tell the exact mix of hormones in her system and subconsciously was already cataloguing all the variations and changes her system underwent as he read. He could smell her and for the first time in his very, very long life he had the urge to _taste_ a human - or, to be more precise, Rose. He wanted to kiss her, to fall asleep with her curled up around him, wanted her pressed against him just like this, wanted to explore that bare, delicious skin by her neck she kept showing him whenever she tilted her head.

So, inevitably, after that night - which had felt endless, and not for good reasons - he had been forced to plead with his ship for the seat he now had; fit for one person only. The Tardis had been against it and kept pushing him to continue using the couch but eventually she had, finally, done as he asked.

The problem was that it had been his decision in the end; he'd made the choice of being so far apart and he didn't want it, railed against it, wanted to hold her every second of every day. He could no more stop his hand searching out hers the moment she was at his side than he could stop breathing. Rose, his brilliant, _fantastic_ Rose was already a naturally tactile person and had always been there when he'd needed her, when he'd needed her touch to ground him back when he was fresh from a decades-long war, when he felt he'd forgotten anything in the universe but screams, blood and tears.

She had been by his side when he'd nearly killed a defenceless Dalek and only stopped because it had been her asking, she'd been by his side when he turned manic after another night filled with dreams of smoke and ash, of hate and bitter victory when finally all the voices screaming in his head were silenced at once. And he'd been with her after they had met the werewolf, when she'd been insecure and bereft after the loss of her father, when she had been crying alone in her room for the death of a servant girl in Cardiff. He had seen her at her worst, just as she had seen him when he had thought he had nothing left to lose.

So why would she not allow him in now? Why was Mickety-Mick allowed in but not him? Was she actually sick? Had something happened that she hadn't told him about? She'd seemed fine earlier... hadn't she? He tried to remember but to his surprise realised he hadn't checked. But he always checked on her, on Rose. As soon as she was near him, his eyes were drawn to her, making sure she was alright... except he hadn't. And he'd run off, again, to save Reinette, without even a word of reassurance to her.

The Doctor sighed, leaning back in his chair. Well, that explained it at least. No wonder Rose was angry. She probably didn't want to say anything she'd regret later. Would him making her banana pancakes for a breakfast in bed be domestic enough to earn her forgiveness?

Grinning to himself at the idea of having banana pancakes with Rose, he wandered off to the kitchen. He hadn't had a chance to try his hand at pancakes yet in this regeneration; time to see if he was as good at them as he was in his ninth incarnation.

* * *

God, she wished it wasn't quite so familiar, waking up like this. Pain splitting her head, her muscles aching and her body screaming from new changes, feeling simultaneously hungry and as if she was going to throw up anything she'd eat, shivering with cold but flushed with heat.

Well, no time like the present. It's not like there was anyone to help her or bring her anything; times like this she really missed her mum - who was a veritable mother hen whenever she was ill - and the Doctor who was surprisingly fussy and caring, staying with her until she'd feel well enough to personally escort him outside the room.

Gritting her teeth in anticipation of the pain and nausea, she forced her body into compliance and sat up in one quick move, preferring the sharp burst of pain to the prolonged one. As expected, her breath came out in sharp gasps and her hands clenched into the duvet were the only thing stopping her from screaming; what was the point of it, after all, if there was no one there to hear you? Her eyes were shut tightly, attempting in vain to suppress the nausea and dizziness she was experiencing.

It took another few moments before she became aware of a voice near her. Blinking in surprise, Rose looked up and found herself face to face with Mickey; he was kneeling at her bedside and his hand was covering her own ones. Finally came the burst of memories and she remembered the Doctor was back - and so was Mickey. She'd brought him back so he could go... somewhere. She couldn't quite recall but Micks had to go to an alternate reality with them for some reason.

"Micks?" her voice took her aback for a moment, the coarse quality unexpected. Her ex had a glass of water for her before she could even think of it. Smiling warmly at the kind gesture, she reached out with a shaking hand. If possible, he only looked more concerned when the glass in her hand was shaking sufficiently to spill water over the edges, but she refused his attempts to help, preferring to have something - anything - under her own power. It felt like too much these days was outside of her control.

"How are you?"

His gaze was searching and she found herself cataloguing her body almost automatically. The funny thing about pain was that you forgot just how bad it was each time; your mind would just have a vague notion of 'really bad' and then try to get you not to do it again. Going roughly by memory of how she'd felt each time she woke up from falling unconscious though, she'd have to say that on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst, this ranked at eight.

She'd been through worse, much as she would like to not remember those times, but by the same token she'd managed to make this one particularly bad because she'd somehow, in a fit of what she could only call stupidity, thought that rushing it was the way to go. It really, really wasn't. Forcing all that power into her head and back out had not only made her less careful about the amount of power she was filtering through, it had also made her less cautious about how long she was holding onto it. Two things she'd learnt rather quickly to avoid just this, but somehow in her hurry she hadn't been able to keep track of everything. Hence, here she was, bedridden. Go, Rose, well done. You managed to scare the hell out of Mickey and the Doctor will be more than suspicious about my long absence. Great.

Lips quirked upwards slightly, she looked up at her ex-boyfriend.

"Not as bad as I could've been?"

Mickey snorted slightly.

"Right, so not dead then. Good to know."

Rose flinched slightly at the jab. Her letter had not been the kindest way to tell your childhood friend goodbye - or possibly goodbye. She knew she needed to explain, needed to tell him why, but her head was swimming and her vision kept blurring with the pain.

His sigh made her look up.

"We'll talk later. What do you need right now?"

The rush of love for Mickey was unexpected, but she hadn't expected him to wait, hadn't expected him to stay with her, hear her out and give her time. Her face must have expressed more than she thought, because Mickey's lips pressed a tender kiss to her forehead before he helped her get up and to the loo. Sometimes, she really did wish she could've felt for him what she felt for the Doctor. He'd always been there when she really needed him, always lending a hand when she needed one to pick herself back up.

* * *

Her system had finally finished flushing out the remnants of the vortex that had originally overwhelmed it. Sighing to herself, Rose ran the hair dryer through her hair once more, even though it was already dry; anything, really, to put off the confrontation with Mickey - who was, no doubt, waiting for her in her bedroom. Unfortunately, there was only so much time she could spend in here before Mickey, who was rather familiar with her morning routine, would be very aware of her delay tactic.

After one last glance in the mirror, she opened the door and stepped into her room, ready to face her ex.

"Finished wasting time, then?"

Rose cringed slightly. She should've known he'd know right away.

"Yeah... Get comfy, this is going to take a while."

Stop stalling, she internally reprimanded herself, watching as Mickey, looking at her intently, finally followed her plea and situated himself on one of the floor cushions.

"Probably should start off with saying I'm sorry... But 'm not."

Her ex remained quiet but his hands were clenched into fists and he definitely wasn't happy with her right now; but he was hearing her out, which was more than she had a right to expect at this point.

"See, it wasn't an easy decision to make, Micks, no matter what you think. But I had three months - and I could see what was gonna happen. If I hadn't done it, we would've run out of food. If I hadn't brought the Tardis back, the Doctor would've been on that ship for days on his own and imprisoned for nearly three months thereafter when they picked up on his emergency signal and thought he'd killed the crew. It would've taken him a few years before he'd have found a time agent to bring 'im back in time to us; he wouldn't have dared to go back sooner, in case his ship was dead by then. You'd have been back to being a mechanic, not wanting anything to do with the Doctor after it and Ma would've told me that if I went off with him again, I needn't ever go back to her until he and I had cut off all ties. ... I would've gone with him and mum would've died barely half a year later when the Daleks and Cybermen came. I could see it, Micks, knew what would happen. And yeah, I knew the chances of me surviving were slim to none and I also knew that no matter what, you would've stopped me. So I did the only thing I could..."

The images of the timeline that would now never come to pass, still made her shiver, the images to vivid to forget. Still, Mickey deserved to know; especially after fending off the Doctor for two days.

"Y'know that time where I went to save the Doctor? And I had to open the heart of the Tardis? Well, it changed me. Not much, mind. But it made me more... dunno, receptive, I guess. And, well, time is, the Doctor used to have an emergency protocol for all his companions, so if the Doctor died they could still get home. 'xcept the first time we met him, he's just come from a war... a war that his species was involved in and the Daleks. Meant he had to lock his Tardis so it would respond to only him and other Time Lords - that meant a sort of telepathic communication with the ship. Us humans, we can't... well, we can't initiate. Some of us can talk in our heads but we can't start a conversation or anything. Point is, he'd never gotten around to changing it, wanted to forget everything to do with the war, I s'pose."

Rose sighed, remembering her previous Doctor hesitantly confessing that if she was there with him, his nightmares weren't so bad. Shaking her head, she dismissed the memory, trying to focus so she could tell Micks the rest of the story.

"We had plenty of water and the old girl can last a long time if it's just her... but we needed all that heat and light, hot water, food, oven, fridge and so on. Meant she needed a boost if we wanted to live comfortably until the Doctor's back. And if it was gonna be longer, you'd need a ride home... I waited a fortnight. I tried everything I could think of, read everything I could find, but apparently he threw her user manual into a supernova," Rose snorted lightly. That action seemed very... well, very him.

"So only thing I could think of was to open up her heart. Couldn't understand her well back then but I did understand that it would hurt but I wouldn't die. I saw no other solution so I did it. Basically multiple sessions of looking into her heart were meant to prepare me, prepare my mind and body so I could get you home and us back for our survival. I... the things I've seen... I- When it's me and her together, I can see it, Micks. I can see the time vortex - all of time and space, all that was, is, never will be, could be, will be. All of reality at my fingertips. I- It's the most amazing feeling of the world..."

Rose smiled at Mickey but to her surprise, he didn't respond in kind, frowning slightly. Smile faltering, she looked down and continued.

"After that first time I understood, I knew what I was doing if I were to continue... but I did it anyway. There were only four possible pathways for him coming back, and he'd missed the six-hour-mark for his return already, so I knew it would be nearly six months before he'd come back. Well, sorta knew. Scrambled my head something fierce the first few times. I know I've got some gaps, lost some memories, but I don't know what, obviously. Nothing recent, some childhood and teenage ones. And it changed me, my body. 'S a lot of power and normal human body would burn... so I needed to change. 'M not a Time Lord or anything like it, really. I'm more Tardis than Time Lord. But I'm not human anymore. Can you imagine what Mum would say? But yeah, that's why I don't want them to know."

She watched as Mickey stood up, shaking his head.

"No, I don't get it."

Rose opened her mouth, ready to reiterate what she'd said previously, when he lifted his hand and stopped her.

"No, you've had your say, Rose. It's my turn now. Sarah Jane asked me to promise her to hear you out; I have. Now it's my turn."

Mutely, she looked up. She wasn't sure if she should be grateful that Sarah Jane had gotten him to listen or if she should feel offended.

He was standing by now, walking along the room in a manner that reminded her of a caged tiger - a very, very angry tiger.

"See, remember how upset you were when the Doctor left for the Madame? Remember how you felt when all you had was the shards of a mirror? Now, you told me the Doctor, he had no choice. All of reality at risk and all that. But what about you, Rose? You _left_ me. You lied to me and then you made me leave you behind. I'm not a child anymore, I make my own decisions and if they're wrong, well that's on me - all on me. You don't get to make my decisions for me, you don't get to leave me behind without a word as if twenty years together aren't even worth a single word - a word of goodbye. And you left me with a letter! A letter, Rose! What the hell were you thinking? Is this-," the folded letter came out of his trouser pockets and he viciously threw it on the floor in front of her.

"Is this all I was worth to you? All our friendship summed up in a few lines of 'oh yeah, by the way, I'll probably die, but you go ahead and travel with the Doctor because, hey, I'm asking you to and you don't really need a real reason, do you?' Now that - that told me more than you could've ever said face to face. I waited up here with you - for three months I stood by your side-"

"By my side?", Rose cut him off with a cold look, standing up herself now. "Really? Is hiding away playing games and watching sports your idea of standing by my side? Because if you think what you saw over the last two days was the worst of it, let me tell you; it wasn't. I've been unconscious, shivering, in pain - screaming and begging - more often than not in the last five months and where were you? Huh?"

With gritted teeth, Mickey stepped forward, glaring at her.

"I was right _there_! Where were you? Why didn't you say anything? I would've helped, I would've done anything-"

Snorting lightly, Rose dismissed his comments.

"Anything, is that right? I came to you, about a fortnight in, the very first time I'd joined with the Tardis, just woken up, shivering, in pain and was about to tell you, ask for your help; you know what you said?"

Looking up at her taller ex-boyfriend, she felt sick satisfaction curl in her stomach at his reaction to her words. Alone, for nearly six months with no one - no one - there for her except for the Tardis.

"That's right. You told me that I could go right back to crying about the Doctor and didn't need to bother you 'bout it."

So spiteful... was that really her? She wasn't normally such a, well, vindictive person. This wasn't all on him, after all. He had kept his promise to her, looked after her and not told the Doctor a word. He hadn't left her, had cared for her when she was unconscious. Guiltily, the anger and fight having left her, she looked up at the man who used to be her best friend, whom she'd dated, whom she'd shared most of her life with in some form or another.

"But I didn't know! If you'd just told me-"

Mickey stopped abruptly when her whole demeanour changed. With a sigh, Rose sank back onto the bed, drained of her energy, mustering a meek smile for him.

"Yeah... yeah, maybe I should've. 'm sorry, Micks. Didn't mean to fight. I'm just so... so tired. It's... it's been so much. And I can't- I'm really sorry, so sorry, but I can't anymore. 's all too much. I can see it now, you know. I can see your timelines - sorta shiny light in faint lines around you and that whisper of gold from travelling through the vortex. 's beautiful... But Mickey, I know - I _know_ when you're gonna die, can see all the possibilities, all the potential timelines wrapping around you, changing with every step, every choice. 's so beautiful, amazing and wonderful... and frightening, horrifying... it scares me."

Against her will, tears flooded her eyes and her hand automatically covered her mouth, muffling a sob.

"It scares me to death, Micks. What do I do? What 'm I s'posed to do now? Where do I go from here? How am I meant to keep this from him?"

The tension drained from his shoulders too and she could see the sympathy in his eyes as he gathered her against him. She wanted to let go, wanted to cry and have someone tell her it was gonna be alright... but the tears wouldn't come anymore and her throat remained tight, refusing to give way to the cry rising within her chest.

Mickey wasn't the one; he couldn't help her, couldn't advise her, she knew that. He had a lot of growing up still to do before he'd become the rock she could rely on to have her back at all times and before he'd know what it was she was truly talking about.

Pulling out of his arms, she gave him a soft kiss on the cheek.

"You're right. You did deserve more. And I'm so, so sorry for not giving you that. I can't tell you much 'cause you should make your own decisions without me giving stuff away. Anyway, soon we're gonna be pulled into a different universe and all the life in that world - me and the Doctor included - depend on you being there. See, Micks, you're gonna be so impressive!" She gave him a tongue-touched grin, amused to watch him blush slightly before gently shoving her shoulder.

"Shut up."

But he was smiling and just like that, everything was forgiven; not forgotten and she knew it would come to a head again, sometime in the future, but for now, they were back to being good friends.

Laughing, she shooed him out of her room, telling him to get some sleep and then went back into the bedroom, freshening up so the Doctor wouldn't immediately know she'd just cried.

* * *

As always, he could tell the moment she stepped into the room. There was that unique Rose-like natural smell and of course the slight scent of her perfume mixed with the shampoo he'd gotten her that smelled like New New York's apple grass. He breathed in, allowing himself a moment to commit that scent to memory, having missed it even during his brief stint back in Paris. He quickly pushed the thought of what he'd do when she wasn't there anymore away, before it could really grow.

"Rose!"

Using his arms, he swiftly pushed himself up and outside of the Tardis' central core, jumping to his feet and standing beside her in one quick movement.

"There you are!"

Before even he knew what he'd done, he had pulled her towards him and hugged her. With the beautiful blonde now safely ensconced in his arms and her face buried in his neck it took him a moment before he could bring himself to let go of her. The only real reason he let go was the salty smell he'd suddenly become aware of; a smell he was only too familiar with. Rose had cried. His Rose had been alone in her room or, possibly worse, in Mickey's arms, crying. A part of him wanted to pull her closer, gather her to him and hold her until he was sure that she was here, with him, and, more importantly, happy again.

"You alright?"

His voice had a rough note to it that he could see drew her attention and he allowed all the concern he felt for her to show, trying to prove to her that he was worried, that he'd help, that he hadn't meant to leave her behind.

"Yeah, course I'm alright, Doctor. I'm always alright."

He held her there for a moment, both his hands on her upper arms, holding her at arm's length as he scanned her. She looked thinner, he thought, but that might just be the clothing. More than that, though, it was her eyes that had him pausing. They were darker, sadder than he was used to seeing. It was just like her to pick up on his use of those words to fend off any unwanted queries when he really wasn't. But maybe now wasn't the time to point this out to her.

He was good at this, after all, deflecting, pretending it wasn't as bad as it really was. And if that's what Rose wanted right now, then of course he'd give her that. Smiling widely, whipping ever so slightly on his feet, feeling the urge to run - run with Rose's hand in his until nothing else mattered, he silenced the need and instead infected his voice with just the right amount of enthusiasm for his plan; which, admittedly, wasn't hard to do.

"So... Banana pancakes! I was gonna make you banana pancakes! So, back off to bed with you - it's got to be pancakes in bed!"

He found himself responding to her giggle with a smile almost automatically, her enthusiasm and laughter as infectious as always.

"'m okay, Doctor. Aren't you the one always complaining about us sleeping our lives away? Got a few hours to go, yet, before 'm gonna go back to bed. 'sides, isn't that just a little domestic?"

Before he could stop himself, he flinched a little at that word, prompting more delighted laughter from the blonde.

"Thought it was up on that scale of transgression...," at her confused look, he found himself elaborating, using his hands to indicate his measurement system. "calling Mickey, Rickey - cup of tea; avoiding your mum - making you breakfast or dinner - or taking you out for dinner and, well, ignoring you and not checking you're alright - food, made by me, in bed with flowers and a box of chocolates from the best chocolatier in Paris - the planet, not the city of course."

When Rose just kept staring at him, mutely, he quickly dashed over to his coat, reaching deeply into the pockets and pulling out several other broken thingamajigs - he really needed to get around to emptying his pockets at some point - before reaching the wanted chocolates. Running back, he quickly presented her with the chocolates. Surely this would improve her disposition towards him, right?

Blonde hair obstructing his view of her face, he could only see her hunched over form, hand covering her mouth and shoulders shaking.

Rassilon, no, he hated seeing her cry. And he'd really not meant to make her cry. It honestly had been intended as a nice gesture. Had he really miscalculated that badly? The chocolatier had assured him that his lady would be very appreciative of the chocolates. That liar! He should go back, once Rose was happy and snuggled up on the couch or in bed, asleep and show him just what he'd get for making Rose cry!

"I'm sorry, Rose, I thought-"

Just then the hand in front of her mouth fell and her head tilted upwards, peals of laughter escaping her and eyes dancing in mischievous delight. He gaped.

"Let me- Let me get this straight."

Still laughing, Rose wiped at her eyes, trying to suppress the giggles attempting to burst forth.

"You- All these times you took me out to planets and dinners; that was you avoiding me mum!" snorting, holding her stomach, Rose bent over in renewed laughter.

"Slitheens, Daleks, gasmask-wearing human - nothing makes you run 'cept my mum! Ooh, I gotta tell her that! She'd _love_ that."

Pouting at the realisation that obviously Rose had already forgiven him - of course she would, she wasn't one to carry a grudge. He should've known better and he'd really not needed to go to all that trouble or get the chocolates for her.

"I bet she would," he commented, grumbling slightly, about to shove the package in his hands - it even had a bow on it! - down the side of the grating, never to be seen again. Just then his companion grabbed the chocolates out of his hands and pressed a warm kiss to his cheek.

"Thank you, though, Doctor. Means a lot that you'd go through all that for me."

Suppressing a blush - Time Lords don't blush! - he turned away and point towards the library.

"Mr. Mickety-Mick's apparently off for some sleep. You humans don't half-lose your life to sleep; how do you do it? Anyway, got some time. Tardis is all fixed... Well, I say all fixed; with such a complicated and frankly marvellous time machine there's always something to do, but I reckon you and me haven't had much time together. So, accompany me to the library, Lady Tyler?"

"It'd be my pleasure, Sir Doctor."

Grinning stupidly at each other, he relished in the feeling of her warm, soft hand in his elbow. He would have never thought he'd say this, but he missed these times, the ability to share with her what he'd shared with no one before. Paris had been surprisingly lonely.

* * *

_"Oh, I'm gonna kill him!"_

_The normally warm voice echoed down the corridor and the heavy, angry footfalls made her current temper very clear if the words hadn't already done so. Bemused, the Doctor looked up from the book he was reading only to find the door to his private bedroom flying open and Rose stomping in, door shutting behind her with a loud noise that made him momentarily flinch. Before he knew it, his companion had jumped backwards onto his bed, lying spread-eagle and glaring at the ceiling._

_"So," shutting his book, knowing he was unlikely to be able to get back to reading any time soon, he turned all his attention to the woman on his bed, "what's the ceiling ever done to you?"_

_Her glare only had him raising an eyebrow in amusement which made her huff in response._

_"He's a pig, that's what. Bastard!" then, with a slight noise of amusement, she added, "_Adam_. Not the ceiling. Obviously."_

_"Aah... And what's Adam, the boy you invited if I might remind you, done now?"_

_Another noise, this one decidedly frustrated. With one quick movement she was upright and facing him._

_"I've tried to tell him, but he won't listen. No less than fifteen times! Honestly I've seen toddlers with a bigger attention span than that boy! 's not a wildly complicated thing - it's a water boiler. Futuristic, yeah, but all it does is boil water! Wouldn't let me get myself even a cuppa, kept hogging it and making ooh-ing and aah-ing noises! Over a bloody waterboiler!"_

_Suppressing his laughter, he nodded quickly. Apparently that was sufficient acknowledgment for her, for she continued without prodding further, irritation clearly visible at the treatment she'd received._

_"And he dismisses me, like I can't possibly know more than him! He's bloody irritating, that boy! A bit pretty, yeah, but so infuriating! And arrogant! Like I'm just a pretty blonde and couldn't possibly know what he's talking about - like he's the cleverest person in the room! GOD! Not been that angry in a long time! Why'd you let me take him, Doctor? I mean, seriously! He's in a spaceship, travelling through time and he keeps gushing over a water boiler!"_

_Amused he watched as she finally ran out of steam, huffing in frustration as she pushed her hair out her face. With one step he was at her side, holding out his hand to her and watching as her hand intertwined with his without second thought, the movement so intuitive and familiar she'd reached out before his hand had even stopped moving. This woman who had faced him down when he'd had a gun pointed at her, when he'd fully intended to kill a defenceless being - though a Dalek was never really without defences - and yet here she was, still at his side, still reaching for him as though it was only natural, no fear or hesitancy to be seen. Rose Tyler... he didn't really know what to make of her and yet he thought that every moment spent with her, she might be healing him just as she seemed to help everyone they met._

_"I let him come cause you asked."_

_He grinned slightly when her cheeks flushed in response to his words and then, finally, she became aware of her surroundings._

_"Where am I?" Her eyes had finally landed on the current piece of furniture she was lying on and realisation seemed to dawn. "This is your room, isn't it, Doctor?"_

_"Yep. I would say make yourself comfortable, but I think you've already done that."_

_There was no way to stop his laughter when she jumped up at his words, cheeks a delightful red colour. He honestly had thought he would mind if she'd ever be in his room; this was his inner sanctum, his privacy that she'd technically invaded without second thought... yet it only seemed natural. He'd been in her bedroom more than once, now, what should it matter if she was in his?_

_Before he could say anything, the aforementioned second companion that had so thoroughly aggravated her, burst in and he found himself growing just as angry. That boy had no sense - running into his room without knocking! Who'd he think he was?_

_"Don't do it! It's not worth it!"_

_Both the Doctor and Rose stopped in their movements, puzzled. Rose was the one to finally ask, curiousity having overwhelmed her initial desire to tell the boy to get lost._

_"Do what?"_

_"Sleep with him, of course. He's an alien and, well, you're human and I realise he's promised you things you daren't dream of but even if he looks human, I wouldn't trust him! And he might have diseases and he's an alien, a thing!"_

_Only now did he become aware of how close they were, there was barely any space between their bodies, yet, to his amazement, they weren't actually touching apart from their intertwined hands. Similarly realising their compromising position, Rose was about to step away and put them at a more respectable distance when the Doctor's hand around hers tightened, a silent plea for her to remain where she was. She complied and stayed, their bodies closer than he would've normally allowed, but until the boy had pointed it out he had been surprisingly unaware of any intrusion into his personal space._

_"Yeah, you're right. I am an alien. And this- this is my room. And as the captain of this ship, I'm telling you that this is off-limits. If you ever set foot in here again, I will personally open the doors and kick you into outer space. And trust me - you don't want to ever see me angry. Out. Now."_

_Adam seemed to be only too keen to dig himself in deeper, though._

_"I won't let you touch her!"_

_He saw Rose's by now all too familiar mischievous smile before he felt the tap on his wrist, a mute request in her eyes for him to play along._

_"But what if I want him to touch me? See, once you've had alien, 's hard to go back to humans," her tongue clicked against the roof of her mouth, a surprisingly sinful expression on her face when she looked up at him. It was enough for him to momentarily forget about the other person in the room, all his focus on the blonde looking up at him, all playful and seductive._

_Adam's noise of disgust jerked him back to reality and they watched together in glee as he fled the room, both of them laughing the moment the doors were closed._

_"Oh, you are fantastic, absolutely fantastic!"_

_She gifted him with one of her tongue-touched grins, once again comfortable and relaxed in his presence, watching as he leant down and picked up his previously discarded literature._

_"Fancy a new book? Got this one here..." _

_He threw the book at her, watching as her eyes quickly scanned over the back of it._

_"Another Sherlock Holmes?"_

_"Oy! Don't mock it."_

_Another wide smile from her. _

_"I wouldn't dare."_

_Snorting lightly, he made himself comfortable on his bed, patting the space next to him while silently thanking his ship for the extra pillows she'd thoughtfully provided._

_Her eyes lit up at the unspoken offer and he watched as she divested herself of her shoes and her jacket, moving to snuggle up to him - to which he responded with his usual put-upon sigh, even as his arm tightened around her._

_Her hands brushed his as she handed him the book and then she sank deeper into the bed, grinning up at him as he cleared his throat and started to read to her._

* * *

He had shared so many things with, things he hadn't shared with anyone else. It felt so easy, the words coming out before he could even think about it. And now, apparently, he was part of the family - her family. He didn't know what he'd call his relationship with Jackie, but he she had included him in her small familial circle, for which he was endlessly grateful. It had been a long time since there had been anyone he could call family.

* * *

_"Look, I'm not sure I like you."_

_The Doctor grimaced at Jackie's words, turning around. She'd obviously decided to take the opportunity her daughter had afforded her by running off to have a shower._

_"You stole my daughter from me. For a year - you can't understand how worried... she's all I've got and I- no one had seen her, no one knew and the police was tellin' me to give up and Mickey- oh, poor Mickey..."_

_Jackie took a deep breath, having learnt a long time ago not to show weakness to others; not in this harsh and cruel world she had been forced to live in after Pete had died._

_"So, yeah, you took her from me. But you also brought her back to me. And, much as I hate to say it, I've never seen her happier than when she is with you. 'm not sure about this alien-face-changing thing but I reckon I should've given this to you on your last visit when you were still big-ears."_

_He couldn't help himself; he stared open-mouthed at the key in his hand. This- this was definitely unexpected. Her demeanour softened when she saw his awe and shock, allowing him to see the affection she held for him._

_"I reckon you're family. You saved my girl and that's good enough for me. 'sides you're better than Jimmy Stone any time and, well, you're better for her than Mickey could've ever been. So, yeah, you don't need to call ahead, just let yourself in any time you're in the neighbourhood. This is your home, too. Rose hasn't told me much, but she said you're the last of your kind. Well, whenever you can't remember what's it like to be human, when you don't know anymore, you can come here. Even if it's just a bit of telly and a cuppa. Any time, Doctor. You're family now. And even if... if anything ever happens to her," the tears were hard to suppress, but even if her daughter thought she'd hidden it well, thought her mum didn't know about the dangers she was encountering on her trips, the bruises and her newfound caution were hard to hide, "you're always welcome here. Even if it's just you. This- This is your home now too."_

_To his own surprise, his throat felt tight and his hand fisted around the precious metal object in his hand. To be invited into their home and family after all that had happened; he really, really hadn't expected it. Certainly not from Jackie, though now he could see the affection in her eyes that she always covered with an abrasiveness she had been forced to learn when living as a single mum in the rougher parts of London._

_"Jackie, I-"_

_The eldest Tyler shushed him to his amusement. The great Oncoming Storm shushed by a London Housewife; to be fair, though, they hadn't met the formidable woman that Jackie proved to be._

_"There are conditions."_

_Aha, there it was. The tightness in his chest vanished and he suppressed the hurt at the realisation that, obviously, she wanted something. Probably Pete; blimey, that was going to be painful. Not something he'd ever wanted to discuss, though, thinking of it now, it had probably been inevitable._

_"Oh, don't look at me like that. I reckon even you can do that. I'd ask you to come home at least once a week, but I don't think I could make you do that, so once a month," again, he was staring at her. This was not at all what he'd expected, "Once a month you are to come down here and let me look after you for a minimum of four hours before you can both go sauntering off; and yes, both. That includes you. Four hours a month, can you do that?"_

_So much more tactile; he'd pulled her into a hug, wanting to reciprocate the love she was showing him, even if he didn't quite know how to. Hugging the mum was very different to hugging the daughter; Rose felt warm, soft and so very much alive; Jackie, on the other hand, felt slightly fragile, warm and had an uncanny way of momentarily making him feel like a young boy again being scolded for misbehaviour._

_"Well, I will just have to let Rose know we have to come back here for eight hours every month." _

_It was all he could offer her, for now. That and her daughter, maybe not safe but very, very happy. His hands tightened around the key; a symbol of family, of home and eerily similar to what he offered to all his companions. He heard her sniff, but, in a manner reminiscent of her daughter, she refused to let the tears show._

_"Go on, then. Get changed. I expect you back for Christmas Dinner."_

_Grinning, whipping on his heels, he saluted Jackie, amused when she swatted him with the dish cloth._

_"Off you trot. Go on then!"_

* * *

Christmas dinner had been unexpectedly charming, a loving atmosphere permeating the very air around them that he'd never really gotten to experience before. Rose and Jackie were family, his family; the only one he still had left. His hands automatically sought out the key he had on a chain around his neck; it was only fitting that both him and Rose wore the keys to each other's home in the same place.

Leaning back, he stared off at the ceiling, the words coming before he could think about it; she always did this to him, made him want to share bits of himself he'd not talked about for decades and never really told any human.

"I don't think I've ever told you about my home."

Somehow, he'd once again ended up on the couch with her curled into him, her soft curves fitting so well into this new body.

"The applegrass on New New York has nothing on Gallifrey's. It's red- red grass, silver leaves on trees and two suns. I used to spend the entire day, sometimes, just running across the fields. You'd have loved it. When the suns rose in the mornings behind the mountains, it used to glow; the fields looked they were ablaze with fire and the silver leaves would shine radiantly..."

Eyes closed, imagining his home planet, his hands carding through the soft, blonde hair of his companion soothingly, he realised this was the first time he could think of it without remembering the war and the screams. Kissing the top of her head, a silent thanks for something he could not yet express to her, he took a moment to realise again just how much more tactile this new body was. Shaking off the flood of sensations, using his superior biology to suppress and filter his hormone levels, he pulled his companion tightly against him and in a low, soft voice, told her about his home planet... and the childhood friend he used to have, never mentioning who he turned into; preferring, instead, to at least with her remember him the way he used to be. Not the Master but rather Koschei.

And Rose, beautiful, perfect Rose, didn't interrupt him or stop him, didn't demand any explanations - she just sat there, looking up at him with those wide, brown eyes, love shining in her eyes and so content to just listen, to listen to anything he'd tell her, never pushing or demanding, just being there - and that, that was more than enough. And he couldn't help but love her for it.

* * *

Great, big thanks goes out to all my lovely reviewers!

**Painted Orchid**

Thank you so much for both your reviews. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I agree, Mickey wasn't quite as tin dog; I've explained his reasoning, I hope, a bit here and hopefully a bit more in line with his character. Thanks for pointing this out! I'm glad you're enjoying the emotional rollercoaster of the story. Hopefully I'll keep you spellbound until this fic is finished :)

**paradiso31**

Thank you very much for your review and I'm glad you enjoy the story and the emotional aspects of it. Yeah, they are, sorta. But we all know the Doctor would be nothing without his Rose, so I think there isn't much that's going to keep 'em apart for long. What do you think?

**J **

Glad this one was an easier read. Well, you'll be glad to know that his chapter is 13k instead of 'just' 9k, so hopefully it'll give you more to read. Unfortunately I only managed to squeeze Doctor/Rose interaction in at the end. The rest somehow needed much more writing than I originally anticipated. Anyway, I'm glad you're enjoying it and that the emotional scenes seemed to have struck a cord with everyone.

**cecilehem**

Wow, what a compliment indeed! I actually found myself reading this to my partner in amazement; thanks so very, very much. This has really filled me with a lot of confidence. I'm glad you enjoy their interactions. Hope I keep living up to your expectations and can keep you ensnared until the end of the story. I'd love to hear what you think of this latest chapter as well.

**Kylaia78 **

Yay, thank you very much! I'm glad you're enjoying and I would love to get another review for my latest chapter.

**madagascarpingu**

Hey pingu! I shouldn't be quite this happy that I made you cry, but I am! Thank you so much (for both the review and the tears :) ). I do hope you enjoy this last chapter and continue reading.

**MuppetKatie**

Thanks so much for that lovely review. I'm glad you're enjoying the backstory, cause there's more coming. Well, as you can see/read, the Doctor, while not ignorant, rather spectacularly misinterpreted her plight. I hope you enjoy the growing closeness between the two and I'd love more feedback :)

**Guest **

Thanks for your review. Unfortunately, we all know the brightest geniuses sometimes have trouble seeing what's right in front of their eyes. To be fair, it wouldn't have occurred to him, not really. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying the latest chapter and I would always love another review!


	4. Counting the memories

A/N: Yay! It's me! Sorry, got a new job and doing a Postgrad course (never mind that I've never done a bachelor's!) and just a lot of overtime *yawn* and then entered a shortstory competition last week; only found out on Wednesday and it was ending Friday :( So all a bit rushed!

Thanks to all you lovely reviewers, you're all fabulous! As always, this is dedicated to you!

**cecilehem **

**BadWolf **

**Kou Shun'u **

**popie92 **

**Guest **

**hotsasukefan **

**J **

**Painted Orchid**

* * *

The Doctor released the breath he'd been holding, his arms loosely gathering the blonde in his arms to him. They were both stretched out on the sofa, sleep having overwhelmed his companion a long time ago, while the movie was still in its starting sequence. He could only guess at how exhausted she had been. The jovial mask he had been wearing for her sake was starting to crumble. He had tried so very hard to pretend for her, to pretend he didn't know about the tears she'd cried, about the hesitancy, the slight jerky movements when she reached for him, expecting to be turned away.

He didn't know how to tell her, how to explain that there was nothing in this universe that would ever make him turn away from her, nothing she could do that would ever make him reject her... because he believed in her, believed in her judgement even above his own.

He had realised it a long time ago, if he was honest with himself. Somehow this young girl with the human lifespan had become such an intricate part of his life, he found himself incapable of ever leaving her behind. Somehow, she had become his reason for everything, his reason for thinking twice, for offering chances to people - and even Daleks - when they didn't deserve them. She was his judge, jury and executioner; except, instead of the death sentence he undoubtedly deserved, she was endlessly forgiving, beyond what could be expected from anyone.

And he challenged her, so often, showing her his worst sides in the hope and simultaneous dread that she would finally realise what a monster he was; instead, however, she'd forgive him when he thought that no one ever could, she didn't flinch, didn't step back, didn't show an ounce of weakness when he tried so desperately to frighten her away.

She was Rose, his Rose, his hope, his redemption; the one who judged him and did not find him wanting. She defended him to Mickey, to her mum, even knowing more than any other living being about what he'd done, she'd stood up for him. By now he knew without a doubt that nothing he did would ever scare her away. Not her, not Rose. She'd seen the worst, had been there and held his hand when he had forced himself to look through time at all the discontinued timelines.

Rose, unlike any of his previous companions, knew exactly what he was capable of, knew all the horrors he had perpetrated, all the bad calls he'd made, and yet she was still here, still at his side. And she'd forgiven him; him, who deserved her no more than a Dalek would.

* * *

_A part of him could feel her entering the room and tried to wake up; had it been a nightmare, something his mind had conjured up, he would have been able to jolt himself back to reality. But this wasn't a nightmare - these were memories. He couldn't dismiss them as unreal, because they weren't and within moments he was dragged back under, a maelstrom of emotion swallowing him up as he became unaware of a world outside of pain, terror, hatred, loneliness and the desperation for all of it to just end._

_When the blonde girl woke him, she should've been too young by far to know what to do, too young to realise what waking him abruptly might do; and yet she was cautious, a wariness in her eyes that belied experience she shouldn't have of waking up war-torn men, who would, in their first moments upon awakening, not recall who was friend or foe. _

_She didn't flinch, didn't cringe or struggle as others might have, her body forcibly relaxed - the tension in her shoulders a clear sign that she was not as unperturbed as he might have otherwise let himself believe. But yet she didn't shout, didn't jolt just lay still and tranquil, talking in a soothing voice waiting for reality to slowly reassert itself. _

_Blinking in confusion as his mind caught up with his actions, the Doctor hastily removed the arm he had across her throat and the other from her wrists, jumping to his feet and to the other side of the room, away from her, disgusted with himself in a way he had not felt in months._

_But his blonde companion seemed to have no qualms at all about approaching him again, hands in the air, voice still pitched somewhere between soothing and irritating in its calmness. Did she not realise what had happened, what he'd nearly done, how efficient a killing machine he'd become? It would have taken but a thought, a quick move from his hands and she wouldn't be here anymore. Nineteen years old and how often had she already nearly died at his hands? _

_Even now, when his hands had been all but wrapped around her throat, she didn't seem to understand. A noise of barely concealed frustration escaped him as he turned all his self-loathing on his young companion, wanting her to finally see him as he was._

_"Just how stupid are you?"_

_He could see her brows furrow half in anger, half in confusion._

_"'scuse me?"_

_"I nearly killed you!"_

_Rose had the audacity to look almost pleased with herself, like someone who had found the right answer to a particularly difficult question. She actually had the gall to smile at him._

_"But you didn't."_

_He wanted to tear her down, savagely, wanted her to see what she refused to for so long, what was right in front of her. Why was she still with him? Why did she so stubbornly refuse to acknowledge what he already knew, that he couldn't be saved from the precipice, that he'd already taken the leap long before he ever knew her and had fallen far beyond her reach._

_"But I could've, nearly did!"_

_"Don't matter, though. You didn't; 's all that matters. You're not a killer."_

_He nearly shouted with frustration, her words inciting an all new rage and pain he had thought so successfully suppressed. He stepped closer, looming over her threateningly and only feeling a slight satisfaction at the wariness entering her eyes. She still refused to back down though, her chin tilted challengingly and her determination not to give in, shining through warm brown eyes. _

_"I told you about my planet burning," he started, voice low and threatening, allowing every inch of the Oncoming Storm to show. Cold flooded his veins at the memory of her hand interlinking with his own back then when he told her. He was about to put an end to that and yet he didn't want her to ever leave him but he couldn't find a way to stop himself, the words pouring out in a mass of desperations, the feeling of searing heat and smell of burning flesh, the screams and abrupt silence a stark reminder, far too close to the surface after the dream had reawakened his memories._

_"What I didn't tell you was that it was me; I killed them, all of them. Time Lord and Dalek alike, my planet and a dozen other planets in its vicinity. I have destroyed more lives than you could possibly conceive of existing, destroyed entire planets and races."_

_The normal, the human reaction was denial, stepping back, fear, anger, any number of emotions which he was watching her carefully for._

_He could feel it, tingling at the edge of his awareness, his time sense informing him that all of their futures were currently narrowed down to two possibilities; one in which she stayed and one in which he would force her to leave and all of it depended on her reaction right in this very second. It wasn't fair, not even remotely fair, but he didn't care._

_And she surprised him, as she would continue doing in the future, always doing the opposite of what he expected. Rose stepped closer, her empathic nature making her eyes shine with grief and pain, one of her hands coming to rest in the middle of his chest, between his hearts._

_Her voice was choked and amber eyes were resting solely on him, none of the fear, disgust or anger displayed he'd expected._

_"'m so sorry, Doctor."_

_He stared her, unsure for a moment of what to do. He'd expected her to cry, to scream, throw things, run, hide, refuse to be touched by him; not in one of the million scenarios he'd drawn up, did she apologise. Mind blank, brows furrowed, he stared at her like she was a puzzle, something never seen before, so brand new he'd not yet even started to peel back the wrapping paper and see what was beneath the first layer._

_"I- What?"_

_Still very much confused by his young companion, he allowed himself to be pulled into her arms without resistance, her human warmth engulfing him, as he bend down to accommodate her shorter frame without any real awareness of what he was doing._

_"'m so sorry you had to do that, Doctor. So, so very sorry."_

_Blue eyes closed under the almost physical pain, hearts pounding against his chest in grief, choking back the tears he hadn't felt he deserved to shed after the loss of his people. Her hug was suffocating him, allowing him a feeling of reprieve, of forgiveness he did not deserve. Angry at himself for letting himself believe, if even for just a moment, he shoved her away forcefully and yet found himself almost reaching for her again when she stumbled from the power of his push. _

_He expected her to change then, expected to see some sort of realisation hit, the fear starting to grow; except it didn't. She still just stood there, amber eyes warm and forgiving when they met his own. _

_"You don't understand!"_

_She merely tilted her head slightly, obviously refusing to respond to his anger in kind, looking at him encouragingly, waiting for him to expound on his statement. Calm, soothing, the way she'd been since he first woke up. It was more infuriating than anything she could've said in denial._

_"I killed them, all of them. Do you know many old men and women died at my hands? How many parents and grandparents, how many lonely adults, how many children and babies? And I killed them, all of them! Me! So many futures, so many lives, extinguished by my hand!"_

_He was shouting now, in full out ranting mode, stomping over to her and still she refused to back down, refused to blame him, refused to see what kind of man he was. Her faith in him seemed unshakable._

_"'s okay, Doctor. I mean 's not right," against all his earlier thoughts, he felt his hearts sink at her sudden turning against him. For some reason, he'd thought she'd always be there, that, in spite of her strong moral compass, she'd be there and forgive him. Stupid Doctor. No one could forgive what he'd done. No one. Not even Rose, the one who had so readily absolved him of any guilt for stealing her young nineteen year old self away and nearly killing her in the past, surrounded by Gelth. And, that mistake too, had been caused by his guilt for the time war. For ending it when no one else would._

_"Of course 's not right. You shouldn't have been forced to do that, to kill your own people. But your enemies, they wouldn't have stopped with just the Time Lords, right? They would've continued on through the universe, right? You did it to prevent them from killing so many others"_

_His hearts had increased their pace again, hope growing despite his constant efforts to extinguish it. Against his will, he snorted at her comments. _

_"They were the least of my worries. It's my own people that scared me far more than a Dalek ever could."_

_He blanched at the confession; he had never ever intended on mentioning what the war had done to his people to anyone. They were dead. No one ever needed to know that the Time Lords had turned into a far bigger threat than even the Daleks could ever pose to the Universe. After all, Daleks could not see time, could not manipulate it, could not see fixed points. And yet he had just revealed it to her without a second thought, had told her something that so thoroughly condemned his race beyond any hope of redemption._

_Rose let the foreign terminology - and just what is a Dalik anyway? - slide, focusing, instead, on the one thing she did understand. Her hand was on his shoulder, her eyes soft, letting him know he didn't need to share if he didn't want to._

_"What happened?"_

_Her voice was warm and coaxing and the Doctor found himself staring at her for a moment, before giving into the desperately rising urge to share, to tell someone what horrors he had seen and unknowingly helped create._

_Without a backward glance he left the console room and the jump seat he'd fallen asleep on, behind, knowing without having to glance back that Rose was but a step behind him. He easily slid into the bench seat in the kitchen, somehow not too surprised when the blonde girl sat down next to him rather than opposite of him. She seemed to know intuitively when he needed her._

_"The war started a long, long time ago. It didn't just take months, years or even a decade. It was fought over centuries. People and places burning, coming to life only to burn again. The bright brilliant minds of the Time Lords got twisted. I helped create weapons, things, which should never even be considered or conceived; things which were brought into existence for one reason only. War. The Time Lords went insane and were a far, far greater danger than even their enemy could ever be._

_"Their enemy was known to be cold, emotionless, exterminating everything that wasn't them; but the Time Lords were worse. Whereas before they refused to interfere, they now wanted to destroy the entire Universe. More and more horrors were invented and the longer the war went on, the worse it got. The Nightmare Child, the Skaro Degradations, the Army of Meanwhiles and Neverweres, the Could've Been King and the Horde of Travesties. Imagine all the beauty of time and space being twisted. I... There was nothing else. No way to save them and only one weapon which could destroy them all... I couldn't do it. All that blood and fire, all the screaming, all the shouting, all the pain," his hands were clenched as he recalled the decision he had been forced to make, the steps he had taken away from his ship, away from his race, knowing he was destroying everything and everyone. He was ending it all. _

_The words came out as a whisper, unintentional but all too familiar. "No more."_

_When all the anger, all the hatred and self-loathing finally subsided, fading with the memories he'd conjured up in an attempt to explain to Rose why he had killed so many, he realised, to his surprise, that she was tucked against his side, his arm over her shoulder, pulling her closer to him._

_For just a moment he breathed her in, taking solace in the fact that she was still here, still at his side, hadn't left him. _

_"How many...?"_

_He blinked and focussed on his companion nestled into him. Her eyes were shining with unshed tears and with all the physical contact he could feel her emotions buzzing on the outside of cracked shield. Though he couldn't explain it, to feel all her emotions for him, for the war, for his actions did more to heal him than anything else could have. He could feel it all, her warmth, love, sympathy, pain and grief; she was practically shouting it out to the universe, brimming with emotions._

_He could feel a tear running down his face, though he refused to acknowledge it. He could hear her question, loud and clear._

_"Don't know."_

_Just as he was about to start searching for pen and paper, the Tardis shifted them to a different room. They were sitting in front of the fire, pen and a lot of paper laid out in front of him._

_The Doctor stared at the blanks sheets, dread curling in his hearts. This- This would make it all the more real, would bring it to life in a way that the lack of voices hadn't. He'd never counted, had put it off but as he turned to the blonde Londoner he'd taken with him on his travels, she also reminded him of a very important fact; he would never forget what he'd done, would never remember every single life, would never know how many... except that he could. Timelines, even aborted ones, were easy to find for a Time Lord._

_He breathed out, refusing to give into the panic and instead started on the long task of counting. Every roman number for one stood for a hundred; and still the sheets were filled with them, as he went through all the timelines that had suddenly ceased to exist, all at the same moment, and counted._

_Through it all, she was by his side. She left occasionally to get him some tea or toast but otherwise never left his side, never saying a word yet her emotions rushed into him with every breath she took, holding his arm. A never ending supply of sorrow as the sheets filled, of muted horror, of sympathy and grief, of limitless love and warmth that rushed through him whenever he thought he could not continue on, glancing at the sheets already filled with the numbers of the dead._

_It took him days to sort through it all, days to look at timelines, count them and write them down, days to separate children from adults, innocents from war-ravaged men and women. And yet, she never left. She ate, slept and stayed by his side, never flinching, not even when he went to get yet another blank paper. The Tardis hummed mournfully in the background, echoing his own turmoil of emotions as he finally allowed himself to put down the pen._

_Rose blinked before putting her hand atop of his._

_"You done...?"_

_He breathed in deeply._

_"Yeah... yeah, I'm done."_

_Amber eyes glanced around, looking across the sheets spread across the table, the endless tally marks he'd made and the grief rose up in her, stronger than ever, as she turned to him. The man who had done it all and yet had no other choice, the man who had refused to leave the library until he finished counting the number of children he'd killed._

_With great care and in one slow movement, she wrapped her arms around the Doctor and whispered into his ears the words he never thought he'd hear, certainly not from someone who actually knew about what he'd done._

_"I forgive you, Doctor. I _forgive_ you."_

_The tears came, before he could stop himself and he pressed Rose closer to his body, taking solace in the pliant, warm body and the forgiveness and love for him he could feel simmering just beneath the surface. _

_"And... just, thank you. For doing that, for saving us all, for saving the entire universe."_

_He gasped as the tears kept coming, stronger now than before, and he finally gave in. For the first time since the war, he allowed himself to cry for what his people had turned into, for what a warzone his planet had become, for all the innocence lost and for all the guilt he'd lived with since then and would always live with now until the end of his days._

_And this tiny, young human girl who held him, allowing him to bury his face and his grief in her, never calling him out on it or shushing him, just letting him feel the waves of warmth and love emanating from her, something he had thought impossible from someone who knew him, all of him, like she now did._

* * *

Rose Tyler. Years had passed since then. They had fought Slitheen, he'd been slapped by her mum, not to mention Jack with them and of course she stayed through his regeneration. Even if she hadn't quite been yet at that point, by now she was the single most important person in his very long life.

He felt her stretch, eyes slowly blinking back the sleep before settling on him with a wide, happy grin. He responded automatically with a smile just as wide. She always had this effect on him, making him happy, making him respond to her intuitively.

* * *

With a happy smile, Rose looked back at her Doctor, relishing the feel of his cool body against hers, the vibrations of his chest whenever he spoke and the double heart beat beneath her head. This - This was home. And she had missed it.

It was the first time in months she'd not had nightmares; and, the first time she'd woken up and not been alone. It was wonderful. Smiling softly, she looked up when he cleared his throat, brown eyes unerringly focussed on her.

"Funny thing happened the other day... I came back and there was this new door there, connected to my bedroom. If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was my ship - except she would've known Reinette would never make it aboard and besides, I don't think she would've ever approved of it any way. Well known historical figure with me and my track record? Let me tell you, you've never seen a tantrum until a multi-dimensional ship, one you happen to be living in, is throwing it. So, you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? Cause there is only one person that the Tardis would do anything for and, in spite of a millennium of shared history, that isn't me."

Blushing gently, Rose innocently fluttered her eyelashes at him but her surprisingly comfortable non-human pillow just tutted in response, an amused grin pulling at his lips.

"Yeah, that's not gonna work on me."

An answering grin formed on her lips, tongue poking out the corner of her lips unconsciously as she teased him.

"Yeah, cause you just _had_ to get that very important bit for the Tardis at that one specific market place on this very specific planet which just so happened to have both a beach and a market on it; both of which I had asked for just hours before."

His grin widened at her teasing and she found herself cuddling more into him; something he hadn't really allowed her since his regeneration but was now merely greeted with a faintly exasperated eye roll. Ducking her head to hide her own pleased smile, the familiar behaviour more reassuring than she could express, Rose tried to think of an appropriate answer to his original question. She knew all too well that though he'd follow her distractions with enthusiasm, he'd unerringly return to his original query.

"Shush you."

His fingers danced gently over her hips, prompting a giggle from her, even as she squirmed to get out from beneath his hand. Finally the blonde succeeded, using both her hands to secure his left hand to the sofa - and away from her.

"I think you forgot something..."

Rose ensured her grip on his hand was secure before turning to look up at him.

"Hello." Mockingly he waved his right hand at her. "My fighting hand!"

The next few minutes were spent in tears of laughter, mock-fights and impromptu tickling contests. Finally, energy well spent and giggles having finally subsided, breathing still erratic from the exertion, she allowed her body to gracelessly fall back against him, grinning slightly at the groan she managed to elicit from the Doctor at her actions.

"Don't even pretend that hurt you, you big Time Lord baby."

He pouted slightly before his lips inevitably formed a grin. For some reason he seemed almost incapable of not smiling when his pink and yellow human was in a good mood. Pulling his companion closer to him, he allowed the grin to fall away, signalling to her that he was still waiting for her answer, though he knew she hadn't forgotten.

"Yeah, I know. That was me. I asked her... I mean,.. I thought, since, y'know, you'd asked her to come and you told her to pick any star, I thought that you'd..."

Her voice broke off, the tight feeling returning to her throat and chest as if it had never left. Even now, closer than ever to this new Doctor, she couldn't bring herself to vocalise her worries, her doubts, for fear of having them confirmed.

His soft, rough voice interrupted her thoughts.

"You thought I'd replaced you?"

Knowing that anything she'd say would give away the tears she was barely holding back, she merely nodded at his question.

"Oh, Rose."

They were both still half-lying across the sofa but now her Doctor was pulling her up and closer until her body was pressed against his and he dropped a soft kiss into her hair.

"Never", his voice was fervent, a promise in itself he daren't yet say out loud. "Rassilon, Rose, you have to know that I could never- _never_ replace you. Not now and not even in a thousand years."

The thought of her leaving him eventually still hurt more than anything and he didn't want to dwell on it any more than he had to.

"There always have been people travelling with me and I suspect there always will be. People so brilliant they deserve to be shown the universe and me- well, sometimes I need someone to stand in front of me and remind me that there are consequences, that I'm not always right - I need them to remind to be human at times. Like you did, with the Dalek. But the point is, no one is replacing anyone. I will always remember _you_, Rose Tyler. There will never be anyone like you again. I mean look at Mickey - he's with us now but that's not a replacement for you." He grimaced. "Frankly, I don't think he's in the same category as you are to me."

She could feel his heartbeat accelerating, obviously realising the precarious nature of his statement, her own heart sinking when he hastily backtracked.

"I mean that you- You were made for this. I didn't give you anything, do anything, you just were made for this way of life - running, saving people, that's all you. Mickey had to find his own way there. He wasn't ready when I first met him, unlike you. You, Rose Tyler, are exceptional. Never met anyone who could take the time vortex... Not even a Time Lord would've ever dared to attempt such foolishness. It took a human - one human in the entire universe, all of time and space. Your name is written across the stars. In fact, I know some galaxies revere you as a goddess; a statement which is, surprisingly, not inaccurate given the power you held for one tiny moment in time..."

Rose closed her eyes, unsure if she should feel awe at having been all-but-declared a goddess by a man who lived a millennium travelling in time and space, someone who had fought people who had declared themselves as gods, or if she should feel hurt at the fact that once more she was left in the uncertain position of not knowing what she meant to this wonderful man.

"And," he added after a small pause, voice hesitant as if he wasn't sure if he should say what he was about to, "no one has ever had a door connecting their room to mine, no companion before you - or after you. Nor have any of them had the right to just waltz into my room the way you do or sleep in my bed."

Another deep sigh, age-old, brown eyes focused intently on her own.

"I trust you."

* * *

How do you tell someone that you would trust their judgment over your own? Because with her, he did. He'd travelled with so many and he'd trusted them all, of course he had, but only to an extent. Rose had somehow wormed her way into his hearts and, more than that, she had managed to make a man who had lost all his faith in humanity, in the inherent goodness of people, trust her. So yes, he'd believe her judgment over his own, because she could see what he couldn't, because she would never want to see him hurt.

A lot of his female companions travelling with him had always had this faint notion of loving him - or of him loving them - and he did love them all, but not like this, never like this. What they qualified as love could not be compared to what he had with Rose. He had seen what the war had turned even the best of his own people into, what their bright minds could come up with when turned towards the sole goal of destruction. But his pink and yellow human had never faltered, never failed him, always seeing the good in people when all he could see was the death they had caused.

She was his gift, his chance, his _everything_. Every now and then - mostly after yet another tirade from Jackie - he would think that maybe, just maybe he should offer Rose the life that her mother envisioned for her; a house, picket fence and a nine-to-five job. Children weren't possible; despite the similarities in their species there were just too many biological differences to really make that an option.

But that way she would no longer be in danger and he could spend the rest of her mortal life with her, taking care of her, running with her... except that unerringly with a sort-of female intuition others could only dream of, Rose would drop a comment here or there that would once again remind him that she, too, never fit into the life others had planned for her.

In his previous body he had already discovered - to his surprise - that this pink and yellow human was more alike him in ways he hadn't ever thought possible. Everyone left eventually but this was the first time he could actually see a companion still at his side in two decades, still saving planets, still running. Despite what her mother wanted and wished for her daughter, he knew better than anyone what it was Rose actually wanted for herself. More often than not she'd found her way to his side when he was in the kitchen or repairing the Tardis and every now and then she'd be off on a rant.

Sometimes it was about inconsequential things like why it was so hard to find comfortable, bouncy shoes for women that looked pretty; needless to say, the very next day he'd taken her to Ysatycill where she'd given him a large hug and a kiss on the cheek when she had found the perfect shoes. The rest of the day had been spent laughing and running through both the city and the turquoise fields just outside of it in her brand new shoes. Her delighted laughter still rang in his ears whenever he recalled that day.

But other times she shared with him how she'd never known how to tell her mother or Mickey that what they wanted and what she wanted simply didn't match. Her desires to reach for the stars echoed his own, as did her family trying to convince her that they knew best.

No, Rose would hate being confined to a house and she'd despise having to fall in line with societal expectations - such as perfectly mowed lawns - and a nine-to-five job that required no running or saving people... neither of them could really see the appeal in it - well, apart from each other, he suspected.

He'd been all across the universe, met the people history claimed and praised above all others and yet if anyone had asked him if he believe in anything, then there really was only one answer. He didn't believe in gods and false prophecies, didn't believe in claims of glory, nor even in clever minds or silver tongues promising things as the Krillitanes had attempted to; he'd met all of them, all the people societies, civilisations and planets praised and revered - he'd met them. But in all of time and space there was only one person, one human that he would ever believe in; the one who defied the impossible with a startling frequency that set his heart racing, the one who had taken an old, war-torn Time Lord who had just lost his entire planet, his home, his people and his faith and she'd made him laugh and smile, made him love and forgive, shown him life when he thought he'd seen it all, forced him into her own, her very presence brightly lit with love, joy and empathy, surrounded him with sunshine when all he wanted was to hide in the darkest part of the galaxy and never see the light again. She made the impossible, possible

It was difficult to understand that she was so oblivious, so unaware of the effect she had not only on him but on everyone they encountered.

"So... even if she had come on board, you wouldn't have asked me to move my room? Or to stop bursting into your room? Or to stop sleeping in your bed? Or curl up with you in the library? It would've been the same?"

Rose found herself holding her breath, awaiting his answer.

"We will always change but I don't think we'll ever move apart from one another. The Doctor and Rose Tyler, in the Tardis, that's the way it's going to be until the day you want to leave."

The blonde snorted lightly, despite her racing heart, longing for what he described.

"Yeah, right. You know that's never going to happen."

Oh, how desperate he was to believe her, believe her when so many of his previous companions had sworn the same and yet left him. He didn't resent them; how could he? They had their own brilliant, human lives to get back to, their own planet to help save. But Rose... when, never if, because really her departure was as inevitable as time slowly catching up on her, when Rose left, he would be devastated. No matter how much he blustered and postured, he knew he would never leave her behind, not unless she specifically asked him to. He simply couldn't. Not to Rose.

* * *

[Fast forward]

* * *

Heartbroken, he stared at the white wall that separated him from the love of his lives. Rose Tyler, refusing to go and yet taken away from him against her will any way. He felt cold, bereft, as if someone had ripped her out of him. He leant against the wall and for just a moment he could feel her; all her pain and love, her desperation and her strength and determination, just at the edge of his shields.

With nary a thought he lowered his shields, hoping to get one last glimpse of her in his mind, some spark of that brilliant, golden light - but in that split second the walls had closed and he was, once again, completely alone.

No one there. No Jackie, no Rose, no family. Just him, a madman and his blue box. He wished, desperately, that he could mourn her, mourn them, that he could cry but the tears refused to come.

He had lost her. He had always expected it and yet it had never hit him so hard before. She'd been ripped from him. She had saved him and for that she was taken and with no way to get her back to him. He would never get to hold her again, never kiss, never curl up in front of the TV or the fire, never read books to one another, never run for the sheer sake of it, never spend days and nights in a prison cell, joking and teasing... all of it, gone in an instant.

She had promised him forever.

He forced himself away from the wall, knowing that all its connection to her was now long gone. The Doctor's steps were heavy, laden with guilt and loneliness as he forced himself to continue on, away from her, from the temptation to rip into the fabric of reality and get her back, even if it was just for a second before both Universes ceased to exist.

* * *

Rose didn't acknowledge her mum or Mickey. She had come back to him, had refused to be sent off with her mum and returned; yet, in the end, this was exactly where she was, where she hadn't wanted to be.

Trapped, in another universe, away from him. She screamed, cried, hammering at the wall with all her strength, bloody fists flung at it again and again, knowing just how futile an action it was and yet unable to do anything else. He was gone, far beyond her reach. All because of one stupid second, because of one Dalek, because she couldn't hold on for longer.

With the Tardis no longer suppressing her mind, she found herself almost instinctively reaching out for him, feeling him, ancient and steeped in time, tingling at the edge of her senses. Only then the gap between their worlds closed and she felt it chop her off, like the snap of a rubber band and her mind started screaming. Before they had been cries of grief, of desperation, now there was only pain as her mind was torn apart by the abrupt separation from the ship. For the last year, the Tardis had kept her mind protected; even from the Beast on the Impossible Planet. But now there was nothing, her mind was empty and her bonds to both the ship and her Doctor had been ripped to shreds, torn as if they didn't matter.

The Tardis had woven itself throughout her mind, to protect her from both outside sources and also to stop the Doctor from noticing her sudden telepathic capabilities. The gap closing tore some of those constructs like paper and it took a few minutes before Rose became aware enough of her physical body enough to stop screaming.

She could still feel it, faintly, there were still some gaps left in the Universe. Rose blinked back tears, realising that the pain she felt now would be a mere echo of what she would feel when the entire construct of her mind collapsed.

Her mum was sitting in front of her, trying to coax her to reality, to come home.

Amber eyes sharpened at her mother's words, narrowing in on the people who wanted to take her away from here, from her only connection to her Doctor.

"My home," her voice was raspy and sore from her screams, "is the Tardis. My home is with the Doctor. My home is on the other side of that wall. So yeah, I'd love to go home, 'xcept I can't."

"Oh, don't you take that tone with me-"

But Rose ignored her mother, dark eyes focused on the white wall. If she concentrated hard enough, expanded her mind wide enough, she could trace her way to the Tardis, could find the gaps in the universe, feel them. Her bond with the Doctor was never completed, so she could not trace him the same way.

* * *

For days she stayed in the abandoned tower. Her mum, Pete and Mickey would visit her, give her blankets and food but her eyes remained focussed on the wall, never acknowledging them. Her nights were filled with nightmares only to wake up and realise that reality was worse in so many ways. It was like those months she had spent alone in the Tardis, only worse. Then she'd still known he'd come back, had the ship to keep her company, to fill her mind. Now there was nothing. No hope. She knew without a doubt that he couldn't come for her.

That knowledge only made her fall deeper into despair, making it hard to remember to breathe when the gaping hole in her heart seemed to swallow her entire being alive.

Then, nearly six days after landing in Pete's World, she awaited her family with her blanket wrapped up and ready to go see the outside world.

Rose Tyler would not submit to anyone. She would find her way back to him, to her Doctor. She would search high and low, would scour universes, learn and create what she needed and she would find him.

Determination brightened her eyes, allowing some of the pain to be hidden behind it.

She was Rose Tyler and she was going back where she belonged; with the Doctor.

* * *

So, jumpstarted it all a bit. Let me know what you think.


	5. Goodbye

In spite of her resolutions, it took some time to get to her feet again. Instead of the familiar surroundings of the estate she was in something she was tempted to call a palace. Instead of working at a shop, she was a rich heiress.

She didn't know what to do with herself. Servants were obviously a part of this richer lifestyle and she found herself unable to do anything herself anymore. At any given moment there were at least two hovering over her shoulder trying to take any task she was doing, off of her in an attempt to help.

Rose was well and truly sick of it. Her entire world revolved around getting back to the Doctor, but instead she was being dressed up and presented as Pete's and her mum's daughter who had grown up hidden away. Parties, interviews, dresses and in no time a month had passed before she finally decided she'd had enough.

Her mum had obviously been waiting for it, as had Mickey, but poor Pete never knew what hit him. The dirty laundry she'd been about to wash had been taken away by a servant but she easily caught up and took it back. With heavy steps and eyes ablaze with anger she stomped down to where her father was sitting at the dining table with her mother, throwing her laundry on the floor.

"I'm leaving!" her declaration was met with a not very well hidden grin from her mother and a furrowed brow from Pete.

"Where to? It's 9 o'clock at night!"

Frustration gave way to anger as she rounded in on him.

"And I - don't - care! 'm not living here a second longer!"

With a strangled scream she burst out the front door. She could hear her mum's I told you so's echoing down the hallway and Pete's footsteps. She was tired of this large house, the servants, of the endless how are you's. It had been over a month since she'd last run or run at all, period. A month since she'd seen other planets, other species, a month... a month since there had been a hand in hers, urging her along, making her laugh.

And the moment her feet stepped outside and she felt the cold air, the moment she saw the stars in the sky, she could feel the itch, the unbearable urge to feel the wind, to hear the pounding of her heart beating in time with her steps on the pavement. And for the first time since she had come to this strange, new universe, she felt as if she could escape is she could just run for long enough.

She barely heard Pete opening the door behind her, yelling her name as she took off. She started running, faster than ever, jumping over the low fence and continuing to run, barrelling past reporters, across roads, down alleys. Her heart was pounding, her blood rushing in her ears and yet she couldn't stop, didn't want to stop, eyes continually flicking up to the stars high up in the sky, the unfamiliar constellations dotting the horizon.

Planets she had, in another universe, seen with the Doctor. But some of them weren't even here and others were galaxies and centuries away. Another reminder that she would not see him again.

* * *

_She grimaced at the maid outfit she was forced to wear and was about to complain to the Doctor, how, once again, she'd ended up in one of the menial jobs, when he turned around and her mouth fell open._

_The Doctor, this Doctor, in a tuxedo was a sight that set her heart racing and made her cheeks flush. His self-assured grin faded slightly when, after a moment or two, she'd still not made a sound._

_"__Not good?"_

_Finally, a grin grew on her lips, stepping into his personal space, straightening the bow tie, tongue poking out between her lips and eyes sparkling with laughter._

_"__I love bowties."_

_He grinned before finally laughing slightly._

_"__Really? Bowties?"_

_"__Hey," she elbowed him gently, smile firmly fixed on her face, "Bowties are cool!"_

_"__Nuh-uh. Bowties? Definitely not cool."_

_Rose scoffed. _

_"Doctor, I would not take your fashion advice. Ever. I saw that multicoloured thing you wore in your younger years. Take my word on it; Bowties are cool...," she shot him a mischievous smirk, "especially on you, with that Tuxedo."_

_She heard him flounder behind her, unsure whether to be offended or proud. Grinning to herself, she rushed into where her father and mother were supposed to live. Parallel worlds._

* * *

Running through yet another dark alley, she heard the sounds of a scuffle and before she knew what she was doing, Rose followed the sounds.

"GIMME YOUR MONEY!"

The voice echoed around her. Before she had time to think her actions through, Rose stepped loudly around the corner; the would-be muggers let their victim go who ran without a glance back just as she stepped around the corner.

"'s not very nice, that."

"Oh, the 'forgotten heiress', 'm shaking in my boots."

A slow smirk crossed her lips and she could feel her tongue poking out the corner of her lips playfully, amber eyes glinting with a hint of golden threaded throughout as she stared at the two youths.

"More of a Bad Wolf, really."

* * *

By the time she'd cajoled the two into talking with her, hours later, she'd finally realised what she wanted to do. Helping people. Continuing to do what she'd done with the Doctor. Both were now working in Torchwood, under Jake's guidance.

With her mother's support, it was easy to find a small one bedroom flat close to her new work; Torchwood. Everything inside of her cringed, but she knew it was the only place she could build a way to travel through dimensions and back to him.

Pete had backed her, but only to a point. He couldn't spend too many resources and aside from Mickey and Jake, they didn't trust anyone when it came to the idea of other dimensions. So, with only three of them working on it, it was all very slow-going to her endless frustration.

And then, one night, she heard him. Her Doctor. His voice, in her head, calling her, his tongue wrapping lovingly around her name, speaking it with a reverence that jerked her out of her sleep and into the waking world. She doesn't have much money yet and despite the knowledge in the back of her head, insisting it isn't going to happen, she keeps hoping, keeps holding out, that maybe, just maybe, he'd found a way for her to come back.

So she sought out her mum and Pete and Mickey, called them, asked them to make their way with her. Rose felt a sudden rush of affection when they all, unquestioningly, did as she asked and made their way wherever her feelings led her. First over the channel to France, up via what would have been Belgium in her world, up and further north until finally she saw it on the map and the name resonated in her head, translating without any effort.

Bad Wolf Bay.

It took them days of driving, of switching drivers, changing directions and having passports checked; then, finally, there they were. She could feel it.

Everyone stepped out and she stepped away from them, towards the point she could feel it the strongest. Ancient, steeped in time, the Tardis and her Thief.

But the gap, it was closing, fast, she could feel it, creeping up on her, unravelling her bond with the ship, bit by bit.

Then, suddenly, he was there. He looked the same as always, same suit, same Tardis. And she missed heartbeat accelerated and she automatically stepped towards him. He started talking, looking at her warmly, hands in his pockets, clenched into fists to stop himself from reaching for her automatically, the way they always did.

"There's one tiny little gap in the universe left, just about to close. And it takes a lot of power to send this projection, I'm in orbit around a super nova," he laughed softly, but she could hear the sorrow threaded through it. "I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye."

Rose felt her own grief rise. Goodbye. She hated it, abhorred that word. Why say goodbye? Why couldn't they just pretend? Why couldn't she just have stayed with him? She could see the grief he was trying to hide, the shaking hand, the dark, brown eyes telling her more than anyone else could about what a state he was in. He'd been alone, for several months now, probably doing calculations and trying to find a way to get her back before settling on this; a moment, at least, with her.

She shook her head slightly, voice shaking as she looked at the man she loved.

"You look like a ghost."

She could see his frown, concentration and slight surprise that he hadn't considered this in the first place.

"Hold on..."

Rose almost smiled at the whirring noise of his sonic screwdriver and the projection strengthened. Automatically, she stepped closer, her Doctor within hand's reach and it seemed unnatural for her to be so far from him, not to be touching him. Her hand hovered just inches from his face when she could suddenly feel the power and the realisation that she can't touch him, really developed. Still, her eyes sought out his.

"Can't I...?"

His eyes darkened and she could hear the regret in his voice, his hands clenched at his side, clearly fighting the same urge.

"I'm still just an image. No touch."

She already knew the answer, knew he couldn't but she couldn't stop herself.

"Can't you come through properly?"

"The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse."

She smiled at him, suppressing the tears, eyes glinting slightly with the challenge.

"So?"

To her satisfaction, her Doctor's lips curl up in an answering smile. His gaze drifts and she can feel him taking in their surroundings. Before he gets a chance to ask, she responded to his obvious question.

"We're in Norway. About fifty miles out of Bergen. It's called 'Dårlig Ulv Stranden'."

"Dalek?"

She couldn't quite suppress the snort at his automatic reaction, unknowingly echoing Mickey's a day earlier.

"Dårl-IG," she finds herself correcting, almost automatically at this point, "It's Norwegian for 'bad'."

The Doctor continues to stare at her, brow furrowed.

"This translates as 'Bad Wolf Bay'."

The twitching of her lips sets him off, making him laugh but as their eyes rest on each other, reality settled back in and cold dread curled in her stomach.

"How long have we got?" Her voice was starting to crack, the tears she hadn't wanted to shed, burning. This was not the goodbye she wanted for them. Laughter, happiness, not tears, but she seemed to be unable to hold it in.

"About two minutes..."

Fear settled in her heart. The pain would start the moment the Doctor disappeared. She had warned her family; they wanted her to tell him, tell her Doctor, but she knew there was nothing he could do, not at this point. Telling him when he was unable to help, that was unnecessary cruelty. She would never do that to him. Rose refused to make him suffer any more than he already would.

"I can't think of what to say!"

He could see the pure frustration and her Doctor chuckled, but the smile never reached his eyes. His eyes drift again, to the small group gathered by the jeep behind her.

"You've still got Mr. Mickey, then?"

"There's five of us now." She can almost see his eyebrow furrow, sending a second glance at the jeep before focusing back in on her. "Mum, dad, Mickey... and the baby."

To her surprise, her Doctor looks taken aback before staring at her stomach. In her confusion it takes her a moment to follow his train of thought, not really understanding until she hears his half-worded question.

"You're not...?"

Oh, if he was here she'd had half a mind to slap him. Really? Three months and suddenly she was off finding random guys to hook up with and have kids?

The glare she sent him must have conveyed the message as he flushed slightly at her unspoken reprimand.

Rolling her eyes, she finally clarifies, "It's mum. She's three months gone. More Tylers on the way."

His eyes had followed her own back to her mother but, after giving her a warm smile, jumped straight back to her.

"And what about you? Are you...?"

Eyes glinting with mischief, she made her voice slightly subdued in response to his question, knowing he wouldn't question it.

"Yeah, I'm- I'm back working in the shop."

Her idiot Doctor just nodded.

"Oh, good for you."

Rose finally broke and burst into laughter; and, for just a tiny moment, it's just like old times. He smiled affectionately at her, eyes sparkling again with just that little bit of life in them again.

"Shut up. No, I'm not. There's still a Torchwood on this planet, it's open for business."

Her smile faded and her voice choked up, staring at her Doctor.

"I think I know a thing or two about aliens."

She could see the pride in his face as a small smile formed on his face, more genuine than the previous one. One of the few companions, in his mind, that he hadn't screwed up, she knew.

"Rose Tyler." His voice was warm, trembling ever so slightly, pride and affection written across his face. "Defender of the Earth."

Her eyes sought out his, her hand itching for his, the body that fit hers so perfectly. So many things to say and yet she could feel the gap closing. So little time.

"You're dead, officially, back home. So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on a list of the dead."

Unable to help herself, Rose felt the first of many tears slip down her face. She knew without asking that he had made sure she was on it; she and her mum both, so that the remainder of their friends and family could have some closure. Knew what it must've cost him, how he'd have probably lingered and stared, how he would've left and how he would've been on his own since then, adding to the guilt he already harboured.

"Here you are." He smiled, but she could see the lack of cheer behind it. Her Doctor had a different way of smiling when he was truly happy, a way that made you want to laugh with him; and his way of smiling to hide his anger - that was the moment you really, really needed to start running.

"Living a life day after day. The one adventure I can never have."

And the one she'd never wanted to have again. Running with him, hand in hand, that had been her plan. Not here, not alone, not ever.

"Am I ever gonna see you again?"

The question slipped out before she could stop herself and she sobbed even before she heard his quiet and regretful confirmation.

"You can't."

Her heart broke and she felt her entire body trembling with the urge to breakdown. Her voice shook and she couldn't hide the tears any more.

"What're you gonna do?"

He infected his voice with the same false cheer she'd frequently used in the last few months, bouncing gently on his feet for a moment but the smile fell and he stopped whipping on his feet almost instantly again.

"Oh, I've got the TARDIS. Same old life. Last of the Time Lords."

"On your own?"

He didn't respond, merely nodding in response to her question, compassion shining in the brown eyes fixed on her. Rose gasped slightly, staring at him through a veil of tears, attempting to memorise his every feature. She didn't want that for him, didn't want him alone.

"You're rubbish alone," her voice was still breaking but she could see his lips twitching at her insult and it gave her enough strength to rein herself back in. "Find someone."

Before he could reply, her voice choked up again.

"I lo-"

Rose forced herself to look away from him, to gather her breath and her thoughts. She wanted him to know, to know that when he was flying through time and space, that she really would've been with him every step of the way, that she, who knew most of him, loved him, would always love him.

Her voice grew firm and her amber eyes sparkled, allowing herself to finally let all her love for him show, for this man who had shown her the universe, who had given her strength and her life when she had been nothing but a chav from the estate.

"I love you."

The Doctor gazes at her with heart-rending tenderness and devotion and for just a moment she allowed herself to believe that maybe he loved her too.

His voice was soft, reverent, as he responded.

"Quite right, too."

Rose nodded, smiling at him through her tears. The way it should be.

"And... Doctor...? I wouldn't 've missed it for the world."

His smile widened again and she could finally see him release some of the guilt, could see him relaxing, knowing she wasn't angry, didn't feel abandoned or left behind.

"And I suppose... if it's one last chance to say it...," Rose tilted her head quizzically and he paused for a moment, eyes locking with hers. "Rose Tyler..."

The hologram disappeared and in that same moment, her mind fell apart.

Eyes wide, fixed on the horizon, she screamed. Her mind burned and everything scrambled, tears lurking in her eyes not from sorrow or grief but rather from the pain. Her connection to the Tardis was well and truly broken, no other holes left between their universes and her mind was in shambles, trying desperately to reconnect but everything was floundering mid-air all connections gone.

She wanted to scream, but couldn't find the strength in her anymore. It hurt, like someone had torn into her head and ripped out everything that made her, her. Everything inside of her burned and she was wide open, reaching out for other people despite trying very hard not to. She didn't know what to do, didn't know what to think.

Her thoughts weren't clear anymore; she'd start thinking and then lose the thought as it spun away into the gaping holes in her head, unable to hold onto anything as it all was too painful by far.

* * *

When the telepathic race of aliens came, offering to help, saying they'd heard her screaming to the entire universe at large, she'd believed them. So had her newly-christened dad and her mum. Only Mickey remained sceptical.

She would've done well to believe him. Instead, they had all listened but ultimately ignored his concerns.

She didn't know what to say other than they had stupidly, foolishly thought these were good aliens; Rose had met a fair few of those on her travels and she had become so used - too used - to the Doctor saving her when things got hairy, that she hadn't really given it the thought it deserved.

She had gone with them, onto their spaceship, trusting, as always. Too trusting, her ninth Doctor would say... He wasn't wrong.

It didn't take long before they, like the Gelth, revealed their true faces, though in a more metaphorical way on this occasion.


	6. A golden Rose

Disclaimer: Not mine. Scary stuff! Violence. Genocide. Be warned!

Reviewed by my brand-new beta reader; **Don't-blink-doctor-rose!  
**thanks a billion for offering your services and for doing all this extra work on the side! Thank you!

Dedications to the following wonderful reviewers:

**cecilehem **

**BadWolf**

**popie92**

**Guest**

**hotsasukefan **

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* * *

Jake, Mickey, her dad and herself. The elite and top rank of Torchwood; all gathered here to hopefully forge the first tentative positive relationship with aliens on behalf of their entire planet. She gripped the paperwork in her hand tighter, hoping that somehow it would alleviate that worrying niggling sensation in the back of her head.

Over the last two weeks, since the last breach between their worlds had been closed, she'd had enormous difficulty holding onto herself. It was driving her half-mad. She'd lose memories because there was no way of connecting them in a way that would allow her to recall them; which meant that she'd find herself in strange locations with several hours worth of no recollection. Sometimes, she'd just get lost in her head, standing and staring into space, trying to hold onto something, anything that told her who the people around her where, what she was meant to do and what language to speak. Were they alien? Was she? Nothing seemed to make sense, all her thoughts slipping through her hands like water when she tried to hold onto anything.

And then there were the moments when her brain decided to try and build new connections; the fast way. Almost always she would collapse, screaming in pain. She'd been told it was good; she still had enough energy to scream... They'd shut up when she told them in no uncertain terms that it certainly didn't feel good.

So yeah, she admitted that maybe she was willing not to look too deeply into their offer. Identities for Earth, a way of life they could turn to, as their planet had been annihilated and the twenty-odd passengers of their spacecraft were, allegedly, all that was left of their planet. So she'd understood, had pleaded on their behalf and when they had offered to help her in return, she had agreed without too much thought.

Mickey had thought it odd, had questioned it, but she'd ignored him, had pressed ahead and, as grudgingly as possible, he'd stopped arguing but refused to budge on him and Jake accompanying her to the ship.

As it turned out, he was dead on. At some point, Rose admitted to herself, she would really have to acknowledge that Mickey had grown into his own and she'd have to take his opinion as being as important as her own.

The transmat beam teleported her dad, Mickey and Jake out before she could even get past the introductions.

Already she could hear her Northerner Doctor's voice echoing in her head "Jeopardy-friendly, you are". And maybe he wasn't too wrong. Couldn't really blame this one on him, could she?

Deep breaths, she reminded herself. Calm. You are not going to help anyone if you freak out; least of all yourself.

"So I take it you're not that interested in living on Earth after all, eh?"

If forced to describe them, she would have said they looked like elongated jellyfish. They were sort-of human shaped; well, they were much taller at around 7 feet and so thin she wondered where their organs were - or if they had any - and then, most obvious of all, they were entirely made up of that white, shimmery, squishy... jellyfish-like thing.

Her travels with the Doctor had long since taught her to accept even the weirdest people, so she hadn't hesitated long in treating them just like everyone else. All their communications were done telepathically, echoing in her head.

"So what now? Am I your prisoner? You going to take over Earth? Cause, I gotta tell you, it ain't gonna be that easy."

The voices in her head laughed at her suggestion and one of them stepped closer, a white hand trailing along her in wonder and she wondered what it was he saw.

_'__Time,' _the voice in her head corrected._ 'You have a connection to the vortex. We will use to harness it, to go back and save our people. We will find out how you surrounded yourself with it and we will do the same.'_

And for the first time she felt an inkling of true fear rush through her.

That... That wasn't good. Her Doctor, parallel worlds, the vortex, the Tardis,... all that power.

"I'll never tell you."

Rose was proud of the fact that her voice didn't shake. No back-up, no weapon, no plan... and unlike the Doctor, that was not a great lead-in to a brilliant escape. But she was determined; she would die before she would give them that power. She understood and could even sympathise. They, like the Doctor, had lost everything. Their home, their families, their planet. Of course they were desperate for anything to give them hope.

But not this way, never this way.

_'__We felt you, all the way on the other end of the galaxy. Glittering and gold. It took us several of your planet's months to get here... Did you think we needed your consent? Your mind is wide open and your every thought is ripe for the taking. We will take what we need and we will send you back.'_

She stared at them, aghast. Her thoughts, her emotions, all of it, laid bare for them? But what could she do? Her quick glances told her what she already knew; they had her surrounded. No easy way out.

Her hands clenched. Rose stood and watched as they talked to each other and, when they came to take her, she fought. She fought the way the Doctor had taught her, the way Jack had taught her. Every cheap shot, every dirty trick, anything she could think of. No way would they have her without a fight.

Except her mind was wide open. In the end, they knew what she was going to do before she was even fully aware of it herself.

Lost. Just like that.

Fully secured, they brought her into a white room with only a hard metal bed and several straps, clearly intended to secure her in place. Paling, even more desperate at the sight, she wriggled, kicked and moved but in the end it was useless. She'd achieved nothing aside from exhausting herself.

One strap at each wrist, each elbow, each shoulder. Three on each leg, two over her hips and upper body respectively. But worse than that, worse than the lack of movement, worse than the feeling of being unable to move was the casing around her head that made it absolutely impossible for her to see where they were, what they were doing. All she could do was blink and swallow.

Her heart raced and the panic finally fully took hold. There was nothing for her to fight, because she was unable to fight. Period. She was at their mercy. They were going to tear through her mind and she wasn't even sure if there'd be enough of her left by the end of it, to remember. Remember herself or her Doctor. The man who had saved her oh-so-long ago. The man she had been so intent on returning to. The man she loved above and beyond everything else in this universe and any other.

Her Doctor.

"You," Rose swallowed, panic and desperation choking her, before trying again; the domestic approach was what the Doctor called it. Apart from Daleks, any species could be reasoned with, surely... hopefully.

"You said you heard me scream, inside your heads. You said you came to help. What changed?"

Maybe she could get them to pity her, to empathise... maybe one would rebel against the group.

The alien turned to her, face expressionless, voice sounding throughout her head; strong, fierce, judging.

_'__We can all hear your thoughts. Your trickery will achieve nothing. We are loyal to ourselves and our cause.'_ The alien paused, its voice softening ever so slightly.

_'__Had it been anyone but you, any innocent on this planet, we would not have hesitated to help. But you - surrounded by time. Your connection to the vortex is fierce and we have searched the entire universe before we found you. We are sorry for what we must do, but do not think that any one of us will be swayed because of that. You are our last hope. I promise, your suffering will be worth it. Our planet will revere you, will always remember you.'_

And then he left. She was alone; that was almost preferable to the threat of the aliens around her. She didn't want to be remembered or revered. Rose allowed herself to breathe out, trying to breathe through the panic and focus on her surroundings. There must be something she could do, something that could help her escape...

And then she heard a sound she had feared to hear the moment her family had been transported back to earth; the engines roared up and the ship came to life with an almighty shudder. Rose bit back on the whimper that wanted to escape her.

There was no one there to save her now. Her Doctor was gone, beyond the barriers of their universes in another world, not knowing that she once again needed to be saved. Mickey and Jake were clever, very clever, they might've had a chance to reverse the transport beam, given sufficient time. Except the ship had moved; if they reversed it now, they'd end up in space with no air to breathe. These transmats, they had figured out early on, were not connected to one another but rather to coordinates.

Her breath was starting to come out shaky, amber eyes focussing in on the white ceiling above her. This was it. The last thing she'd ever see. White ceiling or gloopy alien lifeforms, intent on tearing the vortex out of her. There was nothing, no one else, no one to save her and no way of saving herself.

This wasn't the first time she was helpless nor was it the first time she was helpless without her Doctor there to save her; a long, long time ago, before she had even met him, Jimmy had succeeded in it before, had made her feel like there was no one to help, like there was nothing she could do; she had cowered then, had given up for a while and let him do as he wished because what else could she do?

But she had changed. That was a lifetime ago. The new Rose Tyler simply did not give up, not that easy, not like this. There was still something worth protecting, something worth fighting, something worth not giving up on.

Her breathing eased and she allowed her muscles to relax, knowing she would need all the energy she could to fight what they were going to do.

The Tardis was the one to put up the initial shields and her Doctor's occasional rants on the topic at least let her know what she should do; it wouldn't help much - how could it? She had no experience and this was their entire way of life, but, she determined, anything that would hinder them even slightly was worth exploring at this juncture. At all cost, at any cost. They could not be allowed to get their hands on it.

Closing her eyes, she focused inwards; her mind was a mess and that was the way it should be. Rose felt sorrow rush through her, going beyond her ability to vocalise in any shape or form, knowing what she was about to do would destroy her more thoroughly than even the aliens possibly could.

She heard it, the howling at the edge of her mind, encouraging her, fighting with her when she started to wilfully destroy her connections to everything within reach - focusing specifically on the Tardis, her Doctor and alternate universes.

Connections, tenuously reformed since the loss of the Tardis, were the easiest to destroy. Harder were the ones she recalled in moments like these, moments she'd held onto when she was on the very edge, when there was no hope and she was all alone... - those memories, the ones that had carried her through, she cherished above all else. These memories she'd recalled a hundred-thousand times and destroying the many threads connecting to it was hard. And deep in her heart, she didn't want to, shied away from it and yet she knew they, too, needed to disappear into the deep, dark recesses of her mind. So with all the anger at being forced to lose her precious memories, all her sorrow at her loss, all her frustration at being caught out, at being so helpless when he'd taught her better, she used it to fuel her as she savagely tore through her own mind, tearing apart connections whenever she found them, feeling memories slip through her like sand, losing the ability to recall what she was destroying before she had even finished annihilating the last thread.

Her lips curled into a self-satisfied smile. Let them try that; she wouldn't give them anything. They'd have to fight it like she had to. These were her memories.

The last memory of him... the time they first met. The word, just one word... and then it, too, was gone beyond her grasp and with it the memory of why she was doing it, only the intimate knowledge that something was about to take all these precious thoughts and feelings from her and this was her last and only line of defense.

With that, Rose's mind turned to her memories of her life up until she was nineteen and started to systematically destroy their connections too, the reasons for it long since lost.

* * *

She was in a room. A white room. The words tasted odd on her tongue, like a joke that should've made her laugh but she couldn't remember why. A part of her wondered where she was, before dismissing it as irrelevant. Something inside her of her warned her not to think too hard, not to try and remember; so she didn't.

She knew there should be some distress at the realisation that she was tied up, that she couldn't move, but it fell away, before the panic could ever take hold. Her thoughts and feelings disappeared as they came up, being eaten and spat out again to float in her head, disconnected from everything.

Her eyes wandered around and for a split second she wondered what she looked like. She should know that, shouldn't she? What she looked like?

But then it, too, disappeared.

A hidden door opened and several tall beings came through, the one in the lead holding an injection needle.

"Oh, hi. I'd greet you but I seem to be a bit tied up at the moment. Say, you wouldn't know how to get home from here, would you? Or... where home is?"

There was a buzzing at the edge of her mind and she couldn't shake the feeling that they were communicating with each other in their heads. Well, that was just rude. Something tingled at that thought, something at the edge of her mind, but she let go of it as if it had burned her, an unnameable horror rising in her at the realisation that for one split second she had almost remembered something.

Fear tried to rise in her the moment the horror was swallowed up by the dark depths in the recesses of her mind, which, she knew, were filled with an entire beach and each sand grain a memory; but the fear, too, disappeared before it could overwhelm her and she felt almost detached, watching, as one of the tall aliens injected her with some form of liquid.

"Is this for alien cooties?"

She'd said something funny - or it was intended to be funny, any way, but she wasn't quite sure why and the smile fell from her lips before she wanted it to. How odd.

Frowning, she tried to force her lips to twist upwards, but they didn't obey. Nor was she frowning. She could tell that her face was slack and that one of the aliens had just closed her eyes; her body wouldn't obey any of her commands any more.

_'__No escape'_

The words echoed through her head but she wasn't sure if it came from the aliens or her own head. At least her body was breathing. She could tell her ribcage was rising and sinking with each inhale, could feel it, but she couldn't _control_ it.

_'__So you can't fight' _sounded in her head but she had no time to think about it, no time to contemplate it. The next moment there five foreign presences in her head; not outside of it, on the periphery, a voice - no, their minds were crammed into hers, ripping her wide open and she wanted to scream. She could feel their shock, their coldness and their indifference towards her. They were looking for something and all they could see was vast black emptiness and she felt like laughing even though her head was throbbing.

She had no idea who she was, who they were or what they were after, but she did know that she didn't like them and this, this was satisfaction. There was only a mere hint of gold before that emotion, too, disappeared again, leaving her with only pain.

But that was okay. She didn't know why, but she had a feeling that she was used to it, to the pain.

_'__WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, CHILD?'_

Their voices were unified as one, nearly breaking her with the forceful nature of the scream, the unadulterated rage behind it and despite the pain she could feel herself fighting it, standing up to five of them, to their combined strength and she felt oddly proud. So that's who she was.

A fighter. Someone who would bend, but never break. Someone who would stand up and not give in, not let these people or aliens run roughshod over her. She almost grinned at that realisation and waved the golden trickle away that threatened to take this, too, from her. Not this bit. She needed to know she could - and would - fight.

They had obviously realised what she'd done, the severity of it, and they knew what they would have to wade through but she was glad that, no matter how this ended, she hadn't made it easy for them. A part of her wondered what or whom she was so fiercely protective of, yet discarded the thought almost immediately, realising that her efforts to recall anything would only aid them in their endeavours and not her.

She watched as three of them started wading through the darkness, the oblivion that obscured her memories like a protective fog, watched as they picked up sandgrains and floating clouds; her memories. They were disconnected, meaning they could pick up on completely nonsensical information as well as important ones. She hoped it was the former.

_~ Bored, a seven-year old girl thought to herself, staring at the teacher in front of her._

_~ "You could be great, you know." A youth, a few years older than her, was staring at her. He wore a half-torn cheap jacket and reeked of smoke._

_~ "You're all I've got left now." A blonde woman holding a baby, tears on her face._

_~ "C'mmon, now. I told you, I'm the only one who loves you, the only one who could ever." The same youth from earlier, eyes cold and harsh, a stark contrast to the soft touch on the girl's cheek. Resignation was written in the girl's face. She was definitely not a fighter._

Then the memories were discarded by the aliens, worthless and she roared in fury and pain. These were her thoughts, her memories. She didn't know who she was but all of these were from a previous her, a memorandum of a past she could not recall and to have it treated so callously, being so entirely dismissed as worthless, when they were the ones pouring themselves into her inner being, she couldn't stand it. Hated it.

She wanted to rage, cry and shout, wanted to scream at the injustice, at the pain they were causing her. Wanted to let them feel her heart breaking and the tears which her body refused to shed. They had taken her control away over her physical body; they could do whatever they wanted and she would be no more than an observer, watching as her body moved against her own volition. She had no control over it, over herself anymore.

And now they were taking her last hiding place, her last vestige from her too. Her mind.

Even here she was no longer safe; they were tearing her apart - all the memories she'd carefully sprinkled all around her mindscape - up in the sky and down on the ground, they were carelessly watching them, flinging them aside when they did not pertain to whatever it was they were searching for. She gathered them, the precious things they had tossed and discarded, holding them to her with an empty promise to protect them, despite knowing that even here, in her own mind, she was powerless.

Suddenly the two remaining aliens moved in on her, eyes fierce and cold.

_'__Remember everything about time'_

Without wanting to, she was drug off into a memory. A cute five year old blinked up at the blonde woman from the earlier memory; only she was now older, more haggard looking.

_~ "See this, Rose sweetie?" Her voice was exasperated, yet she was patient and her voice soft as she looked at the child. "This is how we tell time, remember? Mummy has to go now but when the large hand points here and the small one at this, then I'll be home. You understand, right? Max will be by later to check on you. Stay home. Don't open the door for anyone. I love you." The child nodded, large brown eyes focussed on the clock as if sheer will power could make it move faster. Her mum was barely out before the child stood up and moved the handles of the cheap clock herself, the way her mum had said it would have to point for her to return home... Except it didn't work._

The aliens hissed their displeasure but she didn't acknowledge them. She'd just had a far more important realisation - that girl in the memories was her and her name was Rose. Rose... Rose... She didn't know her last name, but Rose was definitely right. She liked it, the way it rolled off her tongue like...

_~ "Rose," a man with sad, ancient blue eyes and a leather jacket looked at her like she was the only person in the entire world - no, the entire universe._

_~ "Rose," a younger man with black hair said. He wore a jacket from the first world war and looked at her with warm affection and sorrow in his eyes._

_~ "Rose," a man with sideburns and ancient brown eyes said, his voice elated and happy, his tongue twisting around her name as though she were a goddess and her name his prayer._

They were important, all of them, she knew. Rose didn't know who they were, what they meant to her, but she had meant so much to them, she doubted it hadn't been reciprocated in some shape or manner.

The aliens had lost interest in those memories the moment they realised it did not relate to their quest but she hoarded those memories too, putting them behind her, hoping she would be able to keep them safe and protected.

Her mind screamed and she knew without a doubt her body should be shivering with the pain by now. It was encroaching, closing her mind off bit by bit when the pain only got worse and worse rather than easing. The aliens, in a desperate bid to go through more memories started ravaging her mind in earnest and her entire mind fled into a pool of darkness, the intruders unable to see or move as she shut down. Rose lost consciousness.

* * *

The next time she woke up, the aliens were still there and she shivered at the thought that they had gone through her mind while she was unaware. All that she was, all that she had been, ever thought and felt, it was all contained here, in her mind. And it was hers to protect. There was something here, something they were after and it wasn't good.

Desperation rose in her and she allowed it, refusing to let it subside but the alien presence in her mind paid it no mind and with merely a thought from them, the emotion disappeared.

It scared her more than she cared to admit; manipulating her emotions, her thoughts. They were in her mind, they could make her feel happy when all she wanted was to cry. She had a feeling that there were very, very few instances in her life she'd been this scared; though, the fact that there were any comparable ones at all, was rather frightening, too.

In a desperate attempt, she tried to recall childhood memories, tried to put her newly discovered memories back into the sand and sky, hoping it would give her more time but in the end they stopped her every time. She tried to imagine walls, tried to recall that this was her mind, shouldn't she have total control? But in the end they had this art well and truly mastered and she was merely an annoying fly they had to swat away every now and then.

Then she realised that every time she blacked out, they were unable to continue; so Rose set about tiring herself out, making herself more vulnerable and easier for her to black out. She'd seen it often enough in the Estates. Too many soldiers, both young and old, were there. And most of them sought to escape their minds in different ways.

The aliens had recovered her memories of Max, the 60-year old war veteran who had watched over her when she was younger. The only man on the estate her mum had trusted enough to leave her alone with; mainly because he was the only one who had stepped in when Rita's boyfriend had tried to beat her up again, the only one who had lent a hand when Mo had fallen down the steps. The estate folk weren't unusually cruel, but it was all too easy to lose yourself, to lose your caring, your helpfulness, your concern for other people; too many people would take advantage of you, too often you felt it was you alone against the rest of the world with no one to give you hand - so why should you give them one? Max had been a kind soul. He had always helped where he could and he'd loved Rose. He'd taught her just how much it was worth to people that Rose would still smile, that a child could cheer up people so much, that she could help. On rare occasions she'd had to stay over when her mum needed a bit of time to herself and she'd never told her, no matter how scared she'd been that first time, about the nightmares Max had, the nightmares which made him jumpy and frightening.

In return he'd told her stories, had helped her and slowly she had learned how to help him through the nightmares. She had idolised the man until he died when she just started going to school.

So yeah, she knew how to make herself blackout quicker, even if she could not use her body for it. It didn't make it better, never better; the pain was still there, so unbearable. Her entire world now consisted of pain - there was nothing else. Rose sincerely doubted that there was anyone out there who could save her and she had long since stopped believing the aliens' promises that she would survive. This did not feel like she could or would survive.

Everything she did, every time she thought, there was that tinge of red on the side, the pain that should have made her scream, cry, anything but lie motionless on this table. Her entire existence revolved around pain. The memories of why she was doing this had yet to return, as had the memories of where she was, who the aliens were and what they wanted. All the memories she'd regained thus far suggested the idea of aliens was ridiculous, yet the notion was not foreign to her. But she didn't want to know any more, didn't want to fight any more - she didn't even know what for. But every time she felt like giving up, every time she thought about just letting go, she could hear what sounded like a wolf howling at the edges of her mind. Only the aliens never heard it and she wasn't frightened by it. A glimmer of gold, a wolf's howl and that burst of inner strength, of purpose she didn't know how to attribute.

* * *

Months passed as far as Rose was concerned. The aliens were getting frustrated, she could tell. They were rotating on who would have to go through her mind that day, tiring of the endless process and, more than once, they let their frustrations out on her mind. She could feel the scars forming as they ran havoc, making her want to scream and fight the injustice of it all. The longer it went on, the less they cared for how much they damaged her. Every now and then, when it was all too much, she tried to put up her walls, her barriers - or what was left of them. They ripped through them and would inevitably send her into unconsciousness with the backlash. It was a most painful and unpleasant way of doing it, but sometimes it calmed them down to a more rational level.

Most of the sand and clouds were piled behind her now. She had tried to reconnect them, forming associations and links, but every new memory threw her off, every presence in her head send her emotions into a flurry. She knew now that not even Jimmy could have ever made her feel this low, this unimportant, this complete feeling of being laid bare to another being and they didn't even think you were important enough, worthy enough to laugh at, that your memories, your every thought and your entire being mattered nothing, nothing at all.

She still didn't understand it, didn't know why she was abducted. So far there had been nothing in her memories to suggest she was anything other than one of the girls at the estate? What had changed? Why-

_~ "Run!", a rushed, male voice sounded in her ear and a cool hand that slipped into hers, fitting her so perfectly followed by a strong pull that had her following the man in the leather jacket before she could even think twice about it. _

That was him, the same man who had said her name and looked at her like she was the single most important person in the universe. The aliens discarded it but she rushed to retrieve it, holding the tiny memory close to her heart, knowing intuitively that this memory right here was the single most important thing in _her_ universe. She could feel the warmth of it, the awe and love she'd poured into the memory in later years and felt herself almost desperate to search for more of them, though strangely reluctant when the warning growl of the wolf sounded behind her.

The aliens made the decision for her.

_~ "Oh, don't give me that. It's an invasion, plain and simple. Don't talk about constitutional rights. I am talking! This planet is just starting. These stupid little people have only just learnt how to walk, but they're capable of so much more. I'm asking you on their behalf. Please, just go." The same man, in the leather jacket, talking to... a big fat thing - alien?_

She heard her surprise echoed by the people around her. This had been - or may be - what they were looking for. He must be who she was protecting.

Resolve settled and all five aliens turned to look at her when they felt the emotion rise up around them but they were too late. This was her mind. She was not giving him up, whoever he was. Howling with rage, in tune with the wolf behind her, she flung all the precious memories she'd gathered, her barriers, anything she could think of, at them. For a moment, just a moment, she felt satisfaction when one by one, she made them disappear.

Unfortunately, it was very short-lived. She felt another needle go into her skin, nowhere near as gentle as the one they gave her every week to keep her body immobile. This one was jabbed into her and she wondered vaguely what they were doing before everything turned slow and sluggish, like she was moving to molasses in her own mind.

By the time the aliens returned to her mind, she could no longer form a single thought, suspended, watching as they tore through her, more vicious and angry than ever before. And she was helpless, hapless, forced to watch and be unable to do anything to stop them. Rose heard the wolf howl in outrage with the silent assurance that it wouldn't be long now.

It took a few days before they found a memory of her bathed in the golden glow of time, destroying an entire race of Daleks with merely a thought and bringing Jack back to life - forever. Her heart ached for the man but she was forced to watch as they replayed the same memory, over and over again as well as the one where she opened the heart of the Tardis and then, they finally left her mind.

For a moment she thought that maybe this was it, maybe now they'd leave her. For all of a day, she hoped. And after that day was over and they returned, she had felt all her hopes crumble, panic and fear seizing her again for the first time in a long time when they had medical instruments with them.

_'__We need to activate the Artron energy in her; then we can find out how to replicate it.'_

Sweet oblivion, unconsciousness, she longed for it. She wanted to forget again, wanted to forget so hard when they cut her open and she could feel it, could hear every sound that her body made as it was forced to bare its insides, could hear every tear of skin, every squelch, could feel the blood running down her stomach; could feel the pain when they forced her ribcage open; she wanted to scream and cry, wanted to flinch away in disgust, in fear and horror but unable to make her body be anything but compliant as they explored her, tried to figure out a way of activating the particles left in her.

* * *

By the time they managed it, she was almost grateful for the burning sensation flooding through her veins as her entire body started to glow golden.

And then she wanted to tell them just how stupid they had been, how incredibly, incredibly stupid. They had forced her to be without control over her body and her mind and the entity she had formed with the Tardis, Bad Wolf, was made entirely of time as was she now. And time knew no mercy, no forgiveness. It swallowed up Rose Tyler in one golden wave and she gratefully gave herself over to it. There would be no mercy for the aliens that had done this, no reasoning, and Rose couldn't find it in herself to fight for them as she once had for a Dalek.

All that power, concentrated in her body, healed her in an instant before exploding outwards. Pure energy. There was a reason Huon particles were fatal - that much energy couldn't be contained. Not in a human or any alien body. In all of time and space, in all the universes, there was only one single human being who could contain it. Rose Tyler.

Bad Wolf merely directed a thought at the things holding her body down before they disappeared and she stood. Every alien on board of the ship had been disintegrated as had most of their ship with the exception of this one room, a concession towards the body they were living in.

A satisfied hum came out of her mouth. Everything was as it should be. Rose Tyler and Bad Wolf, as one, running for their thief. Bad Wolf took one look at this universe's time vortex before it revolted, throwing her off, rebelling, and golden eyes widened in recognition of what was to come, of what would happen should she be in charge.

Decision made, she looked for others that did not connect to this time vortex and it found them on Sol 3. Earth. The planet that she had once called home before the blue box had taken its place.

Bad Wolf stepped forward and the surroundings shifted as she pulled herself towards where she wanted to be. Within two steps, the blonde woman from the memories was in front of her.

She was staring, eyes wide, and the mug in her hand crashed to the floor, making another three men rush into the room. All came to a halt at the sight of her and Bad Wolf smiled a wolf's grin, tongue poking out between her lips. All was as it should be. These people would take care of Rose Tyler.

"My little wolf has - no, will need rest. So many words, so few ways of expressing time. Humans are funny," she barked a laugh but it only served to make the blonde woman tear up and the men to reach for their weapons.

Huffing in frustration, she waved her hands and made all the weapons disappear with a thought, disintegrating them and distributing their particles in the surrounding air. The humans were now staring at her with open mouths. Silly people. She would never hurt the little wolf. So much growing up still to do, before they would always and forever be one.

"Who- Who are you?"

"You know who I am, don't you... What was the name... names are weird. Rickey? No, Mickey? Mickety-Mick?" Her brows furrowed and then she shrugged.

"..Rose?"

Humans. So singular, so unwilling to connect the dots even when it should've been so obvious.

"Yes, well, no. Right now, in this form, I am the Bad Wolf. You have seen or will see this. I create myself. Not important, now. The little wolf will need sleep. And you and you," pointing a finger at both Mickey and Rose's mum. "are not allowed to touch her. We will suck you dry, if you do and the little wolf will not like that, not one bit."

Bad Wolf looked around itself. All the books, the television and the newspaper spelled out her name. She grinned before turning back to the four humans.

Nodding firmly, she talked half to them, half to herself, "Sleep now... Where's the off button again...? Ah-ha!" and then she retreated to a form at the edge of Rose Tyler's mind, watching as the little wolf's fragile body crumbled to the ground, before going to sleep herself. The little wolf needed to recover physically and mentally, not just from the energy but also the trauma. And she needed to hide herself away as much as possible to make the little wolf's walk through this universe a little bit more bearable.

* * *

A strangled gasp came over her lips and she woke up with her body jerking into motion like its strings had been cut.

The blonde woman rushed into the room again, staying out of reach, experience having taught them both that any touch would put them both in pain as her body attempted to pull something from the other woman. She felt sad that the older woman was so scared of going near her now even though she looked so sad every time she asked if she knew who the woman was yet.

She didn't have the heart to tell her that it could take months. Her mind was... well, destroyed. There were no structures, no anything. All her memories and emotions were just floating in empty space with no way of calling them, no way of finding out what they were about except for the laborious, slow work of going through each one individually and creating ways of connecting them. Most days she was outside, whether the sun shone or it rained; just the feeling of breathing the fresh air, of not being confined, was nice.

The people around her were treating her so cautiously. When she first awoke, she'd thought that all she had managed was to trade one prison for another. Her body was so weak, having lost all its muscles, and she had struggled to even get to the door. She had been frightened and angry, with only two memories in her head. Her looking into the Tardis and her and Tardis as Bad Wolf, saving the Doctor. He, she knew, was the most important person in her life. He had kissed her and saved her as she had saved him. She loved him, loved him so much she could burst with it. The warmth rushed through her every time she thought of the man with the too-wide grin, the large ears and his leather jacket.

Except the people here had looked so sad and upset, she hadn't dared mention him again. They seemed to think she should remember them first, but she didn't know why. The Doctor, he was the man she loved, why wouldn't he be the first she'd remember? Well, aside from her parents. She was still trying to figure out who and where they were, but she had nothing if not time.

Most of her time had to be spent in her mind and she resented it after the months with the aliens in her mind already, but she did want to remember, wanted to know where he was, who the people surrounding her were, so she battled on.

They kept trying to talk to her about things, but she couldn't make heads or tails of what they were talking about? The word Torchwood evoked a feeling of horror and loss, but that was all the association she had with it. Torching wood...? Maybe she was very pacifist - except for those days where she happened to kill entire races, of course - alright, so that didn't make much sense. She had long since given up, using the few hours she was awake to sort through a few memories at a time, hoping she found good ways of remembering them. It was a difficult, drawn out process when done manually. She needed to go through the memory, look for names, smells, feelings, anything to link to it that would allow her to recall it.

* * *

It took another three weeks before she realised the blonde woman in all the memories was her _mum. _It took another two months to find out her mum had a name other than, well, mum. She felt silly for not realising earlier that other people couldn't very well call her mum too. Mickey came in somewhere in between. Pete took a lot longer. It was four months before she realised who he was and it took another three before she had all her memories back, sorted, in her mind.

She knew what Torchwood was, who the Doctor was to her, remembered that day on the beach and all the time on the ship. Finally, she remembered what she had been unable to recall prior to their separation. She, as Bad Wolf, had known this was going to happen, had known she would land here, would attract the wrong sort of attention and the reason she'd locked it away was because she, rightly so, thought that Rose may, in a moment of weakness, falter and fight it and by doing so, doom two universes to unravel and her Doctor to die.

So the memories had been locked away up until now. Now all was there for her and she could see the future - or present? - of the Doctor. He was telling his companions about her. He was telling Donna and Martha, even Joan when he couldn't remember her, knew her name. She smiled softly. At least he was honouring her request of not letting her be forgotten. And he met Jack. Jack-face-of-Boe-Jack. At first she had laughed and then she had cried for him, for the man who had saved her when she was hanging from a barrage balloon.

The people she loved the most in this universe, Mickey and her mum, couldn't touch her. Pete had grown on her rather rapidly; he was calm where her mum raged and shouted, he was lenient and firm where he needed to be. He was, now that the first shock had passed, the father she had always wanted.

Rose had always been a very emotive and incredibly tactile. She held hands, kissed and hugged. She loved hugging; the way she'd feel safe and loved, the way it made her and them feel. Except now she couldn't hug her mum, couldn't touch her - nor Mickey. Her body could feel that they had been in touch with her universe's vortex; they were born in it and a tiny golden thread was in them for it, a link back to their timeline. And her body wanted it, needed it, as an energy source. But if she took that from them, she would erase them, their entire being, as she took their timeline. So here she was with only two people in the universe who understood her pain, who understood what she meant when she talked about chips and about certain smells... and she couldn't get any comfort from them, couldn't kiss, hug or touch.

Her own mother shied away from her when she reached out just an instant too soon for her cup of hot tea, shying away from the death her daughter's hand would bring. It only brought a bitter smile to her lips these days, everything else having long since been given over to emptiness. Everything would be right again once she found him, was back with him.

Except, as time went on, she got the shakes, like spasms. Then came the headaches, mild and intermittent at first before gradually growing stronger as time passed. Her family was concerned, but she knew what was happening. This time vortex was rejecting her. She was made of it, now that the aliens had activated the particles in her, and the time vortex recognised her as belonging to a different time stream, as _being _a different time stream, a different universe, and it tried to remove her from this one. It wasn't malicious, it was time; it didn't feel. But she didn't belong to it. Like the Tardis would die in a different dimension without a way of accessing her time stream to energise, killed off by that universe's difference to her, the same would happen to her.

Mickey, Pete and Torchwood had worked tirelessly on a solution, something that would allow her to use the tears in the universe to slip between them. They knew what was coming, knew the stars were going out and with astronomers on the lookout, it wasn't hard to catch it right when it first started.

What she hadn't told them was just how many universes they were. Not hundreds, not a thousand or a million. Not even a billion - for every choice, every vital choice, there was a different universe. For every choice after that, another few universes and so on. Since the beginning of time, for every planet in existence; the result was an infinite number of realities and she was searching for just a single one of them.

It would take time. A lot of time. Time she didn't have, judging by the accelerated progression of stars disappearing. They had calibrated the dimension cannon to return her once three hours had passed on Pete's world. The only thing they hadn't accounted for was the different way time runs in other universes.

Her first time jump took two years of her time. Two years... except she still didn't look a day over twenty.

* * *

**To be continued...**

I would love to have some feedback and everyone's thoughts. Sorry for the delay in having these here - below a list of replies to everyone's reviews! Thank you all for sticking with me and for reviewing! It's a pleasure to write for you guys!

Below the responses to reviews;

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**cecilehem **chapter 3

Hi! I'm glad you're enjoying it! Hope you're still enjoying it, actually. Sorry for the delay in responding o your review. It really cheered me up when I read this. You are participating. I'm afraid most of the story is laid out in my head, but everyone's comments influence bits and pieces and character traits. It's huge fun! Thank you again. Let me know what you think of the latest chapters.

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**BadWolf** chapter 3

Yay! Hope you're still reading- I'm glad you're enjoying it. Let me know your thoughts (Looove your username)!

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**Kou Shun'u** chapter 3 .

Oh, thank you. I was very nervous about Mickey's portrayal and wanted to do him justice after previous comments, so thanks for saying I had. It was incredibly encouraging! |Hope you're still reading &amp; enjoying the fanfic! Keep reviewing and letting me know what you think J

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**popie92** chapter 3 .

Yay! Thank you! Thanks for reviewing!

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**Guest** chapter 3 .

Woohoo! Thank you so much for all the praise! I'm glad you're enjoying all the relationship-building. I love writing it! I do hope you continued to enjoy the later chapters as well. I would love to hear from you!

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**hotsasukefan **chapter 3 .

Yay! Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying. Keep reviewing please!

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**J **chapter 3

Yay! Thank you. I'll try. Let me know what you think of my latest chapter!

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**Painted Orchid** chapter 3

Hey! Thanks so much for the lovely review! I'm glad you're enjoying reading all the moments; I loved writing them. I realise I've stolen some moments as it's more Rose-centric in my latest chapter, but I do hope you're still reading &amp; enjoying! I'd love to hear your thoughts!

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**popie92 **chapter 6

Brilliant - first review for this latest chapter! Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I have to say I was a bit unsure about it, so I'm happy to hear it was so well received! Thank you!

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**MuppetKatie** chapter 5 .

Ya-hay. I've written about the not-good-aliens now; hope you're enjoying it. Thanks for the review. I'm glad you've enjoyed the previous chapters! I loved writing them, it's such great fun!

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**cecilehem** chapter 5 .

Thank you so much for taking the time to write these lengthy reviews. It's such an inspiration to actually hear/read what you are thinking about everything, so thank you very much!

Yep, I've yet to master the art of hinting subtly but it's been great fun writing it. We'll have lots of changes and flashbacks coming up and I'm very excited about writing it all but unfortunately work is trying very hard to get in my way! Boohoo!

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**AkumakoRonso** chapter 4 . Aug 12

Hi! Thanks for the lovely review... I'm afraid there does seem to be a bit of a misunderstanding going on. Rose is on the beach, she did say goodbye, she is in an alternate Universe, separated from her Doctor. Martha will be there as will Donna. The series will continue as previous until Rose's return, I'm afraid. Sorry about that! I do hope you'll continue reading and still enjoy the story I've laid out.

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**littlesniper** chapter 5 &amp; 2 &amp; 1\. Aug 12

Yay, thanks so much for all your reviews. I'm glad you're enjoying it. I know what you mean - the videos make me cry too! Have you found the one called I believe in her on Youtube yet? So sad and so empowering at the same time! I love it.

It's a horrible thing to say, but I'm glad I made you cry. That's why I love writing - to evoke this sort of emotion from people. It's brilliant (or fantastic one might say!). Thanks for all the encouragement! I hope I live up to expectations with my latest chapter!

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**Anna221B** chapter 5 .

Hey Sherlock! Like the username! Anyway, thanks for the review. I've uploaded the next chapter and I do hope you enjoyed it. I would love to hear from you.

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**bexandcall **chapter 5

Yay, thanks for all the kudos! I do hope you've read the latest chapter and are still enjoying it. I'd love to hear what you have to say on my latest chapter!

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**Guest **chapter 5 .

Thanks for the review! Let me know what you think of our golden Rose.

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**hotsasukefan** chapter

Ta for the lovely review. Is it bad that I want to whoop in joy at the fact that I made you cry? Oh dear, that sounds bad. I just love when my writing makes people respond to the emotions in the chapter - so thank you. I'm sorry you were sad; I hope it was somewhat therapeutic.

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**popie92 **chapter 5 .

You've already read the next chapter, but thank you so much for taking the time to review!

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**Maria EduardaB** chapter 5&amp;4

Yay, glad you liked it. Hope you're still with us and reading. Let me know what you think!

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**TheDoctorMulder** chapter 5

Yep, Ooooh sums it up. I'm glad you enjoyed it (I hope you did, anyway) and thank you very much for leaving a review. Let me know what you think of this latest chapter as well, please!


	7. A Rose by any other name

A Rose by any other name

Big thanks to my beta for giving me inspiration when I felt too emotionally drained to write this. Think it came out quite okay in the end. Hope the Doctor's not too OOC... And apologies, again, for the delay. Going through lots of personal stuff ending in lawyers, grandparents in the hospital and all sorts. Not finished, but feeling a bit better about myself plus more time as my work just dismissed me for, well, spraining my ankle. Anywho, more time to you, which is always a positive and some reviews to cheer me up.

Responses to reviews are at the bottom of the fanfic, but just know this chapter is dedicated to all of you guys and my heartfelt thanks for all your encouragements over the months. I wish I could say we're nearing the finish line, but, as my beta can attest to, I think we're not even half-way yet.

Anyway, enough jibberjabber - have fun and let me know your thoughts pretty please!

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_Rose watched, still amazed by how seamlessly Jack had integrated himself into their group, forming a trio instead of a duo. Adam had made her more than aware of just how attuned to one another the Doctor and her had become - and, by extension, how difficult it was to insert anyone between them. But Jack - Jack had simply been himself, a part they hadn't known was missing but now Rose found it hard to remember how she and the Doctor had ever made it without him. The Captain had the technical know-how and fascination to actually help the Doctor with repairs to the ship and he had the same incredulous admiration for the Tardis that made both the Doctor and the ship allow him to help fix and improve her. _

_And with her, the only female aboard the Tardis - well, Jack was brilliant. When the Doctor was once again oblivious to her pretty dresses or sexy shoes, he'd be there to wolf-whistle, admire and flirt which not only gave her a massive confidence boost but, without fail, always made the Doctor jealous and more prone to be close to her. She loved it. Of course, on those days where she wanted to moan about the Doctor - or talk about how oblivious that man was to just how good he looked in tight jeans - Jack was right there with the appropriate admiration for him she could normally only get from Keisha or Shareen. It was - to borrow one of her Doctor's words - simply fantastic. _

_And when the days came where Jack wondered what he'd done in those two years the Time Agency took from him, he'd be with either her or the Doctor. Rose would coax and flirt, would remind him of the man he was now and the Doctor would remind him that no matter what he had done, he was here now, helping things for the better and that he had been given a second chance, should he have needed it. Sometimes, Rose dearly wished he'd listen to his own advice._

_But watching the two of them at Breakfast was definitely one of her favourites. Working on the Tardis, the two were always in synch with one another but now, here, at Breakfast, the two were bantering back and forth. As per usual, the Doctor was grumpy - either due to the time lost by them needing their sleep or because he was bored - and Jack was excited about their upcoming adventure. At this point, there wasn't even a question anymore about whether they were just going out to find a quiet place somewhere to simply relax; that never happened. Jack had quickly come to realise that even the most peaceful of planets seemed to have a revolution prepared just for their arrival. Every time. And he loved it, just as she did. _

_Her smile softened, watching as Jack unashamedly flirted and teased until even her grumpy Doctor's lips started twitching upwards. A buzzing in her pocket stopped her from joining in and she quickly reached for the phone only to realise it wasn't a call but just a text message._

_#Happy B-day! How's 20 feeling? Make sure your hot stud takes you somewhere pretty! Tons of love to the birthday girl! Shareen_

_For just a moment, Rose was tempted to check the calendar before remembering there was none. They could be wherever they wanted, so it hadn't ever mattered. Nor had it occurred to her to celebrate the Doctor's or Jack's birthday - oh god, what if she had already missed them?_

_Jack, ever observant, and the Doctor, who always seemed to have one eye on her either way, were now both fully focussed on her. _

_"__Everything alright?" Jack's voice was warm and concerned and the blonde couldn't help but feel grateful for the fantastic people around her. Giving them a bright smile, she nodded quickly._

_"__Yep, just got to talk to my girl friend for a bit. Give me an hour and we can go, kay?"_

_Predictably, her Doctor grumbled but didn't protest and Jack just waved her on, though his brows were furrowed and she suspected he knew something wasn't quite right. She rushed to her room, hoping that her plan would work, otherwise she'd have to try a more subtle ploy - and she wasn't the best when it came to being subtle._

_"__So, erm, hey there. I'm hoping this'll work. Could you... tell me or show me Jack's and the Doctor's birthdays?"_

_The lights flashed gently and Rose's brows furrowed. If this was the only way of communicating then that would be a bit problematic... or not?_

_"__So, er... Could you flash again, slowly, first for the month and then for the days? Let's start with the Doctor's, yeah?"_

_The lights remained steady and Rose sighed. Oh well, it had been worth a try. Back to being subtle. She felt an urge to ask for Jack's, but ignored it, not realising the Tardis was attempting to help her. The Doctor's birthday in no way matched Earth's calendar, but Jack's did. Slipping out of her PJ's, she quickly found a skirt and shirt the Tardis had already laid out for her and changed before joining Jack and the Doctor again in the console room._

* * *

_An adventure and 28 hours later, two very exhausted humans and one Time Lord burst back into the blue box, laughing loudly. _

_"__Now that, that was brilliant!" Rose announced, grinning widely, and kissing Jack on his cheek, narrowly avoiding turning it into a full-blown kiss when he turned, while the Captain pouted at her quick evasion. _

_"__Still not quite sure how or why you ended up naked, but it was brilliant!"_

_"__Not brilliant," the Doctor grumbled, "this will now be part of the yearly re-enactments."_

_Rose and Jack took one look at one another before bursting into fresh peals of laughter and high-fiving each other. _

_"__Right, well, I'm off. The shower's calling," Rose said, stretching slightly. The moment her eyes landed on Jack's leer, she snorted. "A shower which I'll be having all by myself."_

_He shrugged, entirely unapologetic and ignoring the Doctor's glare. "Don't have to. I'm very, very good at helping in showers."_

_The blonde just laughed again, shaking her head. The moment she left the room, the smirk fell off Jack's lips._

_"__So let's find out what that was about."_

_The Doctor's dark eyes narrowed. "What _what_ was about?"_

_Jack's lips twitched. "Do you really wanna start the what what game?" Then, growing serious again, he explained, "All this time, Rose kept talking about months and births... Do you think she's pregnant?"_

_The Doctor's hearts raced at Jack's question. He'd wondered the same, of course he had. She wasn't, she couldn't be, but that didn't mean his hearts didn't stop beating for a second at the mere thought. If Rose were pregnant, that meant she'd... found someone. He didn't want her to. It would inevitably mean what it always meant; she'd leave him. Just like everyone else always did. And he didn't want her to, not her._

_In an effort to distract himself, he glanced at the other man, whose eyes were still on the corridor Rose had just left through. "So you picked up on it too?"_

_Jack snorted. "Well, she was hardly subtle. Even when running she still tried to quiz me."_

_The Doctor nodded curtly. He found himself checking the Tardis logs even though he knew it couldn't be, he had to. He had to make sure; at the same time he explained to Jack why it couldn't be true._

_"__It's highly unlikely. It's been 83 days since she last saw her boyfriend and it's only been 16 days since her last menstruation. Adam left well before then and she's not had time with anyone but you and me since then. Besides, the Tardis - she scans you, every time you step on board for foreign contaminants that could be dangerous to you or her. But more than that, she keeps record of your temperature and the life forms on board. Had Rose been pregnant, she would've alerted me." And there it was. She was fine. No illness, no contaminants and definitely no pregnancy._

_Relieved, he looked up only to find Jack staring at him, speechless._

_"__What?" he found himself snapping at his newest companion again who only shook his head slightly in response._

_"__Well," Jack drawled, eyebrows raised, "I'm not sure where to begin. How about the fact that it's surprisingly creepy to hear you state you know the amount of days since Rose last saw her boyfriend. Jealous much? And about her period? Is the Tardis tracking that for you too? Do you-"_

_"__What? No! The Tardis could monitor but I would never ask her to do something so intrusive. Got superior senses, me, and that includes my nose. Can't help it."_

_Jack chuckled, watching the Doctor proudly tapping the aforementioned organ. "Oh, a part of me definitely wants to be there if you ever tell her. The other part of me wants to be in a different galaxy when you tell her you sniff her every day."_

_This time, the Doctor flushed lightly. "I don't - I don't _sniff _her. It's part of the air I breathe. I can't stop it anymore than I could stop breathing... Well," he amended, "I do have a respiratory bypass, so technically-"_

_"__Yeah, never mind that, Casanova. Just be grateful I know how to swipe someone's phone without them noticing." Jack grinned widely as he fished the phone out of his pockets. "Okay, so she started acting oddly this morning after she received a text... Oh, wow, this is old-school. How do I get to the texts?" _

_After touching the screen several times without result and complaining about its small size, Jack held the device in front of him and told it, "display texts." The Doctor, who had up until this point watched with rising amusement, snorted and took the phone from him, quickly using the buttons to navigate and display the sought-after text for him and Jack._

_"__Damn. Her birthday and her twentieth to boot; oh, we're lucky to have made it this far alive."_

_The Doctor turned to the other man, looking puzzled._

_"__So? What difference does it make?"_

_"__What difference?" Jack shook his head, realising now what Rose had meant when she told him that the Doctor was out of touch with some of the more mundane parts of human life; like sleeping and, apparently, birthdays. "Well, for starters, we're gonna have to get presents and a cake, celebrate, maybe take her back home if she wants to. Twenty is big - there needs to be a party-"_

_"__This is my ship, my rules. There are no parties. I have never celebrated someone's birthday before and I don't intend to start now just because of you."_

_Jack snorted. "Well, you're going to make an exception and not for me, but for her, for Rose. She's not complained once even though the resort planet turned into a siege, the beach into mermen abducting people - and yes, I know they're not called mermen. Point is, she's gone along with all of that and not complained once; hell, she saved us a time or two. Now, it's her birthday, she's a girl and you haven't said anything nice to her even once today. Now, whether or not you celebrate your own is your problem, but Rose - she deserves something special. Just take her somewhere nice. What about Zandra? The restaurant's fantastic and she'd get a chance to dress up."_

_He desperately wanted to say he didn't make exceptions, not even for Rose, but that would be a blatant lie. He'd bent and outright broken many of his own rules since she'd come on board and if it would make her as miserable as Jack seemed to imply - and he had to admit that that man knew women better than almost any other man could profess to - it would be a small sacrifice. Plus he was right, loathe he was to admit it. Rose did deserve it. That and more. But not Zandra, not a planet Jack had suggested. He'd find something better, something perfect._

_"__I need to make a couple of calls to pick up a present for Rosie, so I'll be back in a couple of hours. Can I trust you to pick a place and double and triple check that there is no revolution, no government being overthrown, no rebels, no mysterious disappearances every hundred years, no poisoned food; that there is nothing, absolutely nothing at all happening when we land?"_

_Jack privately thought the Doctor had some audacity to look offended at his questioning; he was perfectly within his rights. Places he'd visited over twenty times without problems would suddenly start having problems the moment they landed there with the Doctor. Nevertheless, he kept his mouth shut and went to his room to call in some favours and have a kip. It had been a very, very long day. _

* * *

_The Tardis had landed as silently and smoothly as possible on the various trips the Doctor had made in an effort to make the restaurant reservations and for Jack to pick up his present. He'd had to pick a place which did not discriminate against two men and one woman, which had proven to be another headache and he hoped the truth about the place he was taking Rose didn't come to light._

_By the time Rose woke up, he barely had sufficient time to call the restaurant and request a cake - something he had very nearly forgotten. He knocked on her door and patiently waited for her to call him in._

_"__Rose, the Tardis will lay out an outfit for you. We're going to a place and a planet which has a very specific dress code."_

_"__Okay," her voice was chipper and he found himself smiling in response, despite the fact that he couldn't see her. "but I can wear my hair however I like, yeah? You'd tell me if wearing my hair up and showing my neck was a sign of sexual promiscuity, unlike last time, right? Don't much like being thrown out of a place we're tryin' to rescue. And climbin' through the window was difficult in that long a dress."_

_He did recall that particular adventure but it hadn't been his fault; the reign of queen Uziye had been extremely short and how was he to know that the king's mistress had short hair especially since the law had been rescinded a mere decade later. _

_Suddenly the door opened just as he started to defend himself and the blonde, her hair in a pink towel and another one wrapped around her body, came into view, a bright smile on her lips._

_"__Oh, that dress is beautiful! You're brilliant!" She gave the stunned Time Lord a kiss on the cheek before closing the door again. He'd barely regained his senses and was stepping away from her bedroom, when the door flew open again. _

_"__Oh, and tell Jack thanks and that I want my phone back. Pronto. No seducing my girl friends or he's in big trouble."_

_Another wide, happy smile and the door closed again but he could hear her humming slightly. Despite the fact that she no doubt knew Jack had to convince him to go along with these plans, he couldn't help but smile softly. Rose, when she was happy, had a way of infusing him with good spirit._

_Well, time to get ready... and maybe change his jumper. She did seem to like his dark blue one; not that he was changing because she may or may not prefer one jumper over the other... But, well, it _was_ her birthday._

* * *

_Her hands slipped into his seamlessly and it took a moment before the Doctor became aware that he'd been staring. Rose was... well, pure Rose. Her makeup was surprisingly minimal and she was wearing a soft pink dress and golden earrings, her neck bare except for the chain holding the key to their - no, his home, not theirs. She wore long white gloves and the dress swirled silently around her, different shades of pink coming to the fore with every move. Her hair was curled, half up and the rest of it cascading down her back, drawing his attention to the bare skin on her back, on display for everyone to see before the dress enveloped her bottom and displayed her waist and breasts in a way that set his skin on fire, made his heart ache and his hands itch to touch her and find out just how soft she would feel beneath his hands. _

_A mirage, that's what she was; a being so perfect, so close to everything you wanted, everything you've ever dared dream of, she couldn't be real. But her hand in his said differently, the warmth of her heating his skin even through the glove and for just a moment, the barest moment, he wanted to give in, to tell her how she took his breath away, how much she meant to him, how beautiful she was, how she'd lit up the darkness in his mind._

_And she was, beautiful that is. She shone, brighter than the sun, brighter than any star he'd ever seen. He heard Jack say something in the background, but he found himself unable to register the words, his eyes devouring Rose, wanting to memorise her, to burn every single second into his memory forever. He found himself looking at her, just looking, watching as her amber eyes widened, watching as she stepped closer to him until they were barely a breath apart, one hand half-reaching out to him, the other clasping his hand desperately. Rose had never done what he had, had never taken such great pains to hide herself and he could see it, could read her every though and emotion as they flittered through her busy mind. And he loved it. She trusted him, trusted him so wholeheartedly; and that was not something he could or wanted to break. She had been there for him when he had to account, to himself and her, for the horrors he had perpetrated, when he had counted the children lost, forever, and she hadn't run. But he refused to destroy more of her innocence, of her. He was a selfish man; he wanted her all for himself but he knew his darkness would extinguish her light before she'd ever have a chance to shine. And that was not something he was willing to be responsible for. _

_So, with two heavy hearts, full of regret and words never said, he took a step back from her, watching, pained, as her eyes clouded and darkened even if her smile never faltered._

_"__Happy Birthday, Rose Tyler."_

_Jack kept quiet only for a moment before he, determined to cheer her up, stepped closer and told her how beautiful she looked. Words he knew she wanted to hear from him, not Jack. Nevertheless, she smiled at the other man and, before Jack could, the Doctor offered her his arm, feeling relieved when she took it instead of looking to see if she could go with Jack._

_He controlled his heartbeat, though it desperately wanted to race, when she, with her arm tucked in his, started to lean against him. Quietly, so Jack didn't hear, she whispered, amber eyes looking up from beneath her lashes._

_"__Better with two..."_

_His stomach churned and he wanted to cry, to confess, to kiss her for always understanding, for always forgiving. But he couldn't, he never could. So he just allowed his hand to rest atop of hers, gently squeezing her hand, a silent reaffirmation of something he refused to put words to._

_And so he led them out and down the hall, a short walk to the restaurant. Jack entertained with a naked birthday bash and Rose admired the sparkling, vibrant, green ocean within their view, her hands tightening around his arms at times in amusement and other times to draw his attention to her so she could show him one of the sea creatures or ask him questions about the other pedestrians. She didn't need to know that his eyes had not left her for one moment anyway. _

_"__Reservations, please?"_

_Ah, now this could be problematic. He flushed slightly._

_"__Err... T-Tyler." He hoped it was something she hadn't picked up on, but he could see the way her smile brightened just a tad, meaning she was now ready to keep the smile on no matter what cover story he'd concocted and the way Jack waggled his eyebrows in scarcely hidden innuendo. The Time Lord suppressed a sigh, realising he would have to confess either way._

_"__Doctor Tyler, this is my beautiful wife, Rose and this is the suitor, Captain Jack Harkness."_

_"__Of course. Follow me, sirs, ma'am."_

_Her amber eyes were alit with curiousity but she knew him well enough to wait until the waiter was out of earshot. He pulled her chair out, watching out of the corner of his eyes and Jack seduced the waiter with only his usual wink and introduction. _

_"__So," she started the moment the waiter was gone, "I'm your wife, darling? Shame," she grinned widely, "I can't even remember our wedding night."_

_Her tongue poked out the corner of her mouth and Jack chuckled lowly. "Not so impressive, now, is he?"_

_"__Oy," he interjected, feeling similarly stunned and offended. He really hadn't expected Rose to accept the cover story quite so easily - nor, he admitted, had he expected the jibe at their wedding night. What he had half-expected, was for her to ask why he wasn't her father instead of the husband. "I'll have you know I'm very impressive!"_

_Jack smirked lasciviously, "well, feel free to demonstrate any time."_

_Rose laughed loudly only to stifle it, barely, behind her gloved hand, knowing how many societies didn't appreciate the loud outbursts. He found himself grinning as well, rolling his eyes at Jack but no less grateful for his help in lighting the atmosphere._

_"__Well, she can't have two suitors taking her to a restaurant at the same time," he found himself explaining, "but she can, if she has marital problems, ask another suitor to come along. Said suitor would be in competition with the husband so the wife could see if she wanted to divorce and marry anew or if she wants to heal her marriage. The only other way would be for us to be in this restaurant is as a family, and, I'm afraid Jack doesn't know how to behave himself well enough for that or it'd be a pretty scandalous family."_

_Rose's giggles became louder again and the Time Lord found himself smiling, enjoying this vision of her where her cheeks where flushed and her eyes bright and she seemed genuinely happy._

_"__Not to mention, when they asked me who the suitor was courting, I had to tell them I wasn't entirely sure and that I thought it may be both of us because I couldn't trust Jack to reign himself in even for one night."_

_He found himself exchanging a smile with Jack when Rose fully burst into laughter, head thrown back and an expression of natural, untamed beauty to her that never failed to draw men like moths to her. His heart felt lighter just for her mere presence, her happy, exuberant spirit and he smiled warmly at the beautiful woman sitting across the table._

_Dinner took several hours over banter, happy memories and witty comments, all to keep Rose smiling and giggling all throughout the evening. So many moments he never wanted to forget; how her face lit up when the cake came in - never mind that chocolate here looked green and tasted like apples, a fact he'd forgotten when he asked for a chocolate cake - the way she'd smiled so brilliantly at him when she'd said thank you, the way, the two moons had made her dress seem so much darker and how it had only returned to its pink colour every time her leg touched the fabric and lifted it, the way she had twirled on the balcony in happiness, her dress spiraling around her, hair spinning and lips curled up as she laughed. He thought silently to himself that it was one of the moments where it physically pained him to hold the words 'I love you inside' of himself. It seemed so natural to say them, so intuitive and every breath was lanced with pain, an unbearable urge to tell her what his hearts fairly shouted. Yet he refused to bring Rose down with him, to further expose her to his darkness and so he held onto the words that attempted to claw their way up his throat, suppressed his heartbeats, the longing, the wonder and admiration as far as he could, though every second in her presence only made him hurt more, made the pain of not telling her I love you, a simple admission of emotions he could no longer deny, nigh excruciating. But if there was one thing the Doctor was familiar with, it was pain._

_In the end, what he had, had to be enough. And he wanted to remember every single second of that night, wanted to remember it in every dark night he still had to face, in every dark moment that had yet to come. He didn't want to forget what her laughter sounded like, what each of her different smiles meant, how her hand felt in his, how her voice sounded when she said his name, how his hearts skipped every time she ran headfirst into danger, how her presence made him want to impress her, how her touch made him crave touch in a way no Time Lord should, and the way she made him forget all the pain, all the hurt and fight the darkness within himself. He wanted to treasure it, to lock these moments away in time for him and him only to hear, to see, to have. _

_And that was just why he knew he couldn't have her, couldn't hold her to him, could never tell her just how much she meant to him, how she was his _everything._ Because everything he had, broke, and everyone he loved, got taken from him. Maybe he could trick the universe, for just a little while, so she could stay with him for a bit longer._

* * *

_"__Tonight - Thank you, again. I know it's not usually your thing, but I loved it. It was fantastic." Her tongue poked out the corner of her mouth and wanted to kiss her. He didn't. He never did._

_Jack had already made his way back to the restaurant to spend the night with their waiter - or the chef, or the concierge. To be honest, he hadn't paid that much attention. He had gifted Rose with a bracelet that had a small charm with a moon on it as well as one of a dancing couple. She'd positively beamed at him before sending him on his way._

_"__Happy Birthday, Rose. I...erm.." He could feel himself flushing, fumbling with the item in his pocket. "I got you something too."_

_"__Oh!" Her smile brightened and she stared at him expectantly._

_"__Ah, you don't have to wear it if you don't like it."_

_Her brow furrowed in confusion and it took him a moment to realise she still didn't know what the present was. Flustered, he quickly held out the small box and watched as she fumbled with the lid for a moment before opening it._

_He knew what was inside; even now, he still wasn't sure if he'd ever intended to actually give it to her. Whether she knew it or not, the item in her hands was a confession, telling her what he forbade himself to say out loud. A bit more than a month ago, the Doctor had, over a couple of sleepless nights, made this gift. But he'd known that nothing else would do as a present for her birthday, the moment Jack had made mention of giving her a gift. All evening he'd hesitated, wondered what he should say, how much to tell her._

_In the end, all it took was one look at her, amber eyes bright with unshed tears, expression curious and hesitant, yet so happy, that he found his restraint breaking slightly. The Time Lord stepped closer, gently retrieving the necklace from the box and holding it out in front of her._

_"__Look closely," he instructed, watching as she lifted a part of the necklace up to inspect for a moment before her eyes widened. He continued, knowing she'd recognised what he was pointing out to her, "yes. It's a word, a name, over and over again, that's how I made it. Each letter woven into the next. And the material - well, it's from my planet, nigh unbreakable. And the language... It's Gallifreyan, High Gallifreyan to be precise. Your name in my tongue." _

_He stepped behind her, undoing her current necklace, allowing the key to slip into his hand. He didn't allow himself to question or think about it when he switched out the keys. The key she'd had up until now would've allowed her entrance to this version of the Tardis and, if he regenerated, he could've easily allow it access to that new version as well, but the key he put on the necklace he'd made for her was one of the pilot keys; it granted access to every version of this Tardis, present or future, without restrictions. She was always welcome, even if he didn't have the courage to tell her yet. The new key slid down the chain and he pulled both ends up behind her neck, using the sonic to seamlessly fuse them together. The moment he stepped aside, her eyes sought his and he knew what she was asking even if she didn't dare ask him out loud._

_The Doctor's hearts were in his throat as he said a word, a name he hadn't spoken in over a millenia, hoping Rose would understand how much it, how much she, meant to him even if he could never say the words she longed to hear. The words came out in a quiet whisper, his voice rough and blue eyes alit with too many emotions to decipher yet he refused to look away from her, to tarnish the honesty and meaning of his gift by backing down now. _

_"__Arkytior."_

_Her arms went around behind his neck and her body pressed itself tightly against his own as she whispered a heartfelt thank you in his ear. Still, he refused to let her go, to allow her to escape him, after the appropriate time for a friendly hug was over. He needed a moment, a moment to bury the many emotions she'd evoked, that she had called back to the surface without meaning to, a moment to hide just how much he wanted her, loved her, loved every second with this beautiful, wonderful human. His Rose._

_He kept holding her, his arms safely holding her to him, feeling grateful when she, instead of relinquishing her hold on him, only tightened her hug and nuzzled her nose against his neck, equally happy to simply stand there for several minutes, enjoying the contact._

_Closing his eyes, he leant his cheek against her hair, inhaled deeply and confessed some of the words he'd been wanting to tell her all evening. _

_"__You looked stunning tonight, Rose."_

_Her head came up and he was surprised to see a slight redness in her eyes, but her smile was wide and happy._

_"__Yeah?"_

_The smile came automatic, soft and warm, some of the walls around his heart disappearing without his say-so._

_"Yes. You were...", he found his hand straying to her neck and holding one of the golden strands of her hair, "simply fantastic. And beautiful," he grinned, gently pulling on the strand of hair in his hand, watching as it bounced slightly, "all pink and yellow."_

_Rose laughed, tongue poking out of her mouth slightly, teasing him, "You smoothtalker, you."_

_He grinned widely, glad she'd managed to dissipate the too-intimate atmosphere he'd created. _

_"__Now that's not something I've been called before," he furrowed his brows, remembering a time, centuries ago, before the war, when he'd worn a cravat and had been somewhat of a romantic, "well," he amended, reluctantly, "not recently, anyway."_

_Rose laughed. "Oh, there's definitely a story there."_

_The Time Lord grinned, knowing that she might very well be the one person he would tell about this if she stayed around him long enough._

_"__There may be. But not for tonight."_

_Rose nodded, acquiescing to his request. He was just about to leave when she called his name._

_"__Doctor?"_

_He turned around, only a few steps away from her, when she looked up at him shyly._

_"__Would you teach me? Your language, I mean... You- You don't have to, if you don't want to, but I thought... I thought maybe you'd like to have someone you can talk to, someone else so you know your language isn't forgotten... I... It's just a thought."_

_He stared. He couldn't help it._

_A Time Lord's brain was impressive and at the moment every single bit of it was working very hard on figuring out what it was he wanted. Time Lords and even Gallifreyans in general, regarded humans as inferior, beneath them. Teaching even one of them their language was, well, almost paramount to treason; which, in all fairness, wasn't so much a deterrent as an encouragement to him. But still, high Gallifreyan was regarded as almost sacred. The Tardis and him were the only ones left in the entire universe capable of speaking and writing it... Having someone to talk to, imagining Rose's tongue wrap around the complicated twists and syllables of his language, having her capable of writing in his language... He'd know that no matter what, there would always be someone beside him, that it wouldn't be forgotten; it wasn't something he could, with all the languages in the universe, put into words. _

_It was almost a sacrilege, but then again, he'd always been a rebel. She wasn't the first companion to ask him to teach them, but back then there had been no reason to and every reason not to. Rose - he believed in her. She wouldn't betray him, not now, not ever. If he taught her, if he taught her, then..._

_"__Yes" it slipped out too fast, a desperate whisper, a fervent desire he hadn't known he had. By Rassilon, he wanted it so badly he couldn't believe she had just... offered. Rose. Everything he wanted and needed, knowing him even when he didn't. God, she had his hearts, both of them, and she didn't know it and yet she seemed to think he was doing her a favour by teaching her. He loved her. The one sentence he'd look forward to teaching her, the one time he could be honest without her knowing just how truly he meant every single syllable of it with all he had._

_Her smile was open and her amber eyes shone with relief._

_"__Great, let me get changed and we can get started."_

_"__I- Now? But it's your birthday."_

_Her smile was warm and her amber eyes soft, her hand touching his own gently. _

_"__And this is my present, isn't it?"_

_He stared, even after the door had closed behind her. He was the Doctor and he helped people but he had always known that he needed someone, no matter how much he refused to admit it at times. But he'd never thought he'd ever get to meet someone quite so perfect for him as Rose. A part of him wondered what the other Time Lords would have said if they knew a human spoke and wrote their language. Grinning to himself, he ambled off towards the library, his mind already working on the best way of teaching her the nuances of his culture and language, his hearts feeling lighter than they had just yesterday. Every day, Rose seemed to do something that made the burden of being the last, of being a Time Lord, just that little bit less painful, his future just that little bit less foreboding. And for a heartbeat, just one nanosecond, he wondered what it would be like to immerse his damaged psyche, his darkness, into her shining light; what it would feel like to have this pink and yellow creature light up even the darkest corners of his heart, bring peace to his war-ravaged mind and have her accept even his most darkest of urges. But he dismissed the thought as quickly as it came, refusing to indulge in a fantasy that he would fight to the ends of the universe for, to stop it from ever coming true. He would never, ever, hurt Rose in such a way, nor would he ever allow her to see that much of him. _

_Because, deep in his heart, he knew that even she would run. But for now, she was still here. For now, she could still make him smile, could still make him forget. And soon, soon she'd talk to him in a language that had only ever been spoken on one planet, a language of the dead, a language that had been lost, for too long, to anyone but him. And inevitably, Rose would conquer and hold onto yet another part of him, hide another part of herself deep inside his hearts that he would never allow anyone else to see, that he could never give anyone else._

* * *

The Doctor never had told her his birthday; instead, she'd coaxed him into celebrating the day they first met. And Jack, well, he'd only been too happy for everyone to know and the Doctor had, as his present, left him on a _real _pleasure planet for two weeks. He'd never told her what exactly that entailed but Jack hadn't stopped grinning for a month afterwards.

And now the entire world was watching her. ... Okay, so that was an exaggeration. The general population didn't know what was being done. All they knew was that Torchwood was working on something that would save them. Presidents and prime ministers all over the world had decided, for once relatively unanimously, that the world at large needed to remain unaware that their scientists and armies were completely useless and unable to find a solution; that their only way out was finding a man on another world - one world among billions and billions. They didn't need to know just how small their actual chance of survival was.

Rose and Pete had decided that Jackie, especially, couldn't know. Oh, she knew Rose would be travelling via the dimension cannon in the hope of finding the Doctor. They had told her that much and she had easily figured out that chances were slim; she knew both Rose and Pete too well for them to be able to lie about that.

But she didn't understand just how slim, didn't understand just how different the other dimensions could be, how little hope there was that Rose would manage all those jumps herself, that she'd return alive every time. It had caused several rather severe rows between her and her dad. In the end, it had been Mickey who had backed her, Mickey who had explained what she couldn't; that she wasn't fully human anymore. Pete was the only one who knew, apart from Mickey, and he'd accepted her as his daughter regardless; it had earned him Rose's respect and her loyalty even if he didn't know it yet.

The governments had been easy to convince, despite the fact that there was a surplus of volunteers. Politicians, above all else, understood the need for leverage; and, in their eyes, that's precisely what Rose was. Pete had disclosed to them that she had travelled with the man, that she was the reason he'd become entangled in their fight in the first place and that he was the reason the Cybermen were now in a place people called hell. Rose had voiced very little in the matter, understanding that whatever connection they imagined there to be between her and the Doctor would only aid them. She had been chosen with very little protest, especially once she'd explained that she would be able to tell if the dimension was the right one almost instantly.

So here she was, staring up at the building the public only knew as Torchwood Tower. The place she'd entered into this universe and the place she'd leave from. Pete had left hours before, being in the unenviable position of having to greet foreign dignitaries and watching her, from a glass window, as she travelled to other dimensions.

Her heart was heavy. The pain in her head and her entire body made it difficult to walk in a straight line. Mickey, Pete and Jake were the only ones who fully understood what the concept of different worlds, different dimensions, actually meant. So many people who took part in the project had latched onto the fact that the Doctor's world was fairly similar to their own. They didn't understand that the places Rose would land in could have no earth, no humans or a place where their entire race had been subjugated by aliens, where their planet had become collateral damage in a way or a place which aliens would claim as theirs in an effort to rebuild their own planet.

The Doctor and her, together they had stopped so many attempts on earth, on their planet, so many ways in which human race could have been eradicated entirely, so many ways where she could find herself in the midst of war or on the run. The chance that their lovely planet was intact and invasion-free was miniscule compared to the millions of other possibilities. They were the only ones who knew what she was actually going into, what she might face; some of the scientist had hypothesised but too many refused to believe that anything could be worse to what their world had experienced. Rose had no way of telling them, not without disclosing where she was from, and that would put her family at risk, so that idea had been dismissed before it ever truly had a chance to form fully.

It was odd, being back here after all this time. What had first been her own, personal hell, a reminder of everything she'd lost, was now a way of finding him again, of returning to his side. Every single memory in her head since she'd carefully rebuilt them, was now crystal-clear, not vague snippets of conversations or a faint idea of a face nearly forgotten, but rather almost like a series of images, a voice so clear it felt as if they were standing, whispering into her ear. And the one thing she remembered, above all else, was that empty, white room and the five and a half days she'd waited.

It was stupid, she tried to reprimand herself, yet it was difficult to force her feet to move towards the place she loathed. Over half an hour she'd dithered, staying outside of it rather than entering the place she feared. It was another adventure, she tried to tell herself, a new place to explore, somewhere to run, somewhere that no one would know her, somewhere that would finally take the pain away. And she'd see _him _again.

Unbidden, she remembered another time she had been separated from, a memory of the words she'd once said to her mum and Mickey, in what felt like a lifetime ago.

_"__But it was, it was a better life. I don't mean all the travelling and seeing aliens and spaceships and things. That don't matter. The Doctor showed me a better way of living your life. You know, he showed you too. You don't just give up. You don't just let things happen. You make a stand. You say "no." You have the guts to do what's right when everyone else just runs away, and I just can't!"_

It was what finally gave her the strength to cross the street, to face what she dreaded. Her feet led her closer, ever closer to the building whose title still made her want to cry. Torchwood. She shook, her hands fastened around the handle that would open the door to pain, to tears, to the unknown she'd be facing all on her own with no one at her side, no one to hold her hand.

Closing her eyes, she recalled the words a newly regenerated Doctor had once told her mum, needing something to remember why she was doing all this, why she wasn't just giving in. Rose could almost hear his voice whispering in her ear, could see his wide smile, his eyes glimmering with excitement. _"Trouble's just the bits-in-between! It's all waiting out there, Jackie. And it's brand new to me- all those planets and creatures and horizons! I haven't seen them yet, not with these eyes. And it is gonna be... __fantastic!_"

Yes, it would be. Fantastic. Her and the Doctor. Her hand firmed around the door handle and this time there was no holding back. She might end up facing horrors, nightmares, be terrified - but she'd also see wonders, beautiful new things, new people, new friends. Uncountable new adventures awaited her and after all of them, she'd find him. Her Doctor.

Smiling softly, Rose waved to the receptionist and was waved through the security without problems. Behind the security guards and metal detectors, both Jake and Mickey were already waiting for her.

"Less grumpy than I thought for being here this early," Mickey teased, grinning at her. Giggling slightly, Rose gave him a wide smile.

"I dare you to tell that to my dad."

Jake laughed, slinging his arms around her shoulders, a hug she allowed herself to momentarily relax into. Everyone in Pete's world thought that Rose Tyler refused or hated human touch; a rumour caused by the cautious distance her mother and Mickey always held between them - and everyone thought they were doing her a favour by going out of their way to not initiate contact. Coffee in coffee shops got placed on the till rather than being handed to her, people moved around her rather than accidentally touching her and there was nothing she could do about it. Jake was her saviour, hugging and touching her whenever he saw her; and that had been before she'd told him the truth about why exactly her mother and best friend avoided her touch. His boyfriend had raised a fuss at first, before he understood that their relationship was purely platonic and, of course, that Jake would not stop, no matter what he said. After a couple of rows - which ended with Rose feeling immensely guilty - they'd actually met and she had rapidly ended up friends with him, too.

Rose, leaning against Jake, grinned at Mickey.

"We had to get up at 4 a.m. and mum was already stirring. I blame Tony for waking her up at all hours of the night. She wouldn't have let us leave had we staid any longer; you know mum."

Mickey laughed. "Boy, do I ever."

Rose chuckled. "Yeah, so we had to run. Dad didn't even have his shirt on yet and I hadn't taken off yesterday's makeup yet. It was hilarious!"

Jake's lips twitched and Rose enjoyed the more relaxed atmosphere. All three knew what would happen today, that there was no guarantee she'd come back alive, but no one mentioned it and for that she couldn't have been more grateful.

* * *

A part of her wanted to fidget, but she knew that they couldn't know she was nervous. Rose knew she had to appear certain, confident even, that she would succeed against the odds. All eyes were on her. The watch was securely in place; it was her link back to the dimension cannon and had been biolocked to Jake so it could only be opened by him; a security measure against thieves.

Giving her brightest smile, she strode into the middle of the white room, turning so her eyes were fixed on her dad, the other politicians in her peripheral vision, hidden behind the security glass. One by one, the scientists left the room and she heard the spinning and roaring, as machine after machine was launched. They called it a dimension cannon, but at the moment it was more like five separate parts which had to be fired at the exact same moment at her. It was four parts dumb luck and one part science, Mickey had said. He wasn't wrong. Activated in the wrong order or if one machine was launched before the others, she'd be either severely burnt or, more likely, be incinerated in an instant. Neither option was very good but best efforts had been made to lessen the risk of human error and time was running out, so she hadn't been given the luxury of waiting for more refinements to be made.

A risk had to be taken, and despite her parent's best efforts and arguments, it was still hers to take.

"Ready," she announced to the room at large, heart pounding in her chest, fear coursing through her veins, but yet refusing to back down. She barely heard the head scientist give the go ahead, her hands clammy and shaking, her entire focus on remaining where she was. When the bright lights came she only had a moment to close her eyes before she was engulfed in it.

She stumbled, the energy still lingering around her, crackling in the air. Rose didn't even need to take a breath to know that she was in another universe, nor did she need to open her eyes, to know that it wasn't the right one. But, for the first time, there was no almost debilitating pain in her head, nothing that tried to destroy her, to erase her from the universe.

Another step, a breath in, her eyes opened, then widened as she choked. Her stomach revolted, and her legs gave way as she sank to the ground, vomiting. Her head spun and her skin felt as though it had been pricked by a thousand needles, incredibly sore and sensitive to touch. Rose only managed to crawl two steps away before her arms gave way, the shaking having become unbearable, and she sank into the grass, her eyes fixed on the blue sky, filled with ominous grey clouds, attempting to simply breathe in and out, focusing on willing away the pain.

Well, she could now definitively say that this was worse than a transmat beam and vortex manipulator combined. The Tardis was superior, by far, she just had never appreciated just how much of an improvement she was over this. Rose stayed like that for several minutes, allowing her body the time to recuperate and acclimatise. During that time she ascertained that yep, the sky was definitely blue and those dark, grey rainclouds certainly reminded her of England.

Once the pain had mostly passed, she stood upright again, taking in her surroundings for the first time. There was no one nearby, just green grass and a forest. It all certainly looked like both Pete's world and her own, but that didn't mean it was inhabited by humans - and even if it were, she didn't know where in their development they were; advanced, like Jack, or more like her own time? Or further in the past, the time of witch hunts - in which case, she probably wanted to hide her watch and find some more time-appropriate clothing. And what language was spoken... maybe she'd have to pretend to be mute; while she didn't have a gob quite like the Doctor, she'd certainly never been good at being quiet. Her teachers in primary and secondary had definitely never encouraged her to be _more _vocal.

Oh well, she only had to survive three hours. Seeing as there were no people around and the air was breathable, Rose had to admit that no matter how jeopardy-friendly she was, her chances were pretty damn good.

Her eyes flitted to the watch before she did a double-take and took a closer look at the watch. Mickey was going to pay when she was back home; seriously, nano-seconds?

002:03:16:10:23:18

Shaking her head, lips curled up in amusement, Rose picked a random direction and started walking. Maybe she'd find some people or interesting creatures before returning to Pete's world.

She had made it past the bridge, across a road and down a small path between two wheat fields before the rain started. Cursing, taking a longing look back at the forest she'd now left well behind her, Rose started jogging down the path, growing increasingly irritated as the path became muddier and slippier and by the time she'd slipped and slid down the mud three times, she was decidedly unhappy. Oh, she'd give them hell once she'd gotten back. And no matter what they said, she was taking an umbrella next time. Damn stupid England. Always raining and always, without fail, when there was no shelter in sight.

Groaning, Rose stood up again, giving a desperate look at her mud-caked clothing and hair, before rubbing her undoubtedly bruised hip. It felt like she'd been here for hours! Using the slightly less muddy inside of her sleeve, she brushed off the dirt covering up the numbers on her watch. Another moment passed, she blinked, her heart in her throat as she stared at the numbers, the rain making the numbers swim but they were stuck in her head either way. It couldn't be. No, no, it couldn't be.

But even as she watched, the last numbers kept slowly changing, the seconds ticking away under her eyes, a dreadful certainty slowly growing that she refused to give name to at first.

002:03:16:07:49:04

002:03:16:07:49:03

002:03:16:07:49:02

002:03:16:07:49:01

002:03:16:07:49:00

002:03:16:07:48:59

In stunned disbelief, she watched as slowly the numbers kept ticking down and with it came a horrifying realisation that only slowly started to turn into a terrifying certainty even she could no longer deny. It wasn't counting down hours or even days. It was counting down _years_! 2 years, 3 months, 16 days, 7 hours, 48 minutes and 58 seconds left until she'd go back.

Amber eyes wide with, she stared out at the seemingly endless wheat fields, the rain drenching her until she was shivering, and yet she couldn't shake the fear clawing at her throat, couldn't stop the tears running down her face, mixing with the rain until they were indistinguishable from one another. Alone. That's what she was. There was no one and nothing here to help her. It would be up to her and her alone in a foreign world, surviving for two years... She couldn't do it.

For a moment, just a moment, she wanted to give up. It was just the first trip, but she'd fought for so long and so hard to make it even just this far; she was tired. This was not supposed to happen. Three hours she could do, but two years was just too long, was asking too much of her.

She sank, gratefully, into the muddy ground. It was okay. All she had to do, was go to sleep. It would be okay... But who would go in her stead? Spend years in other worlds? And could she really entrust them with her mum's, her brother's life? Her dad's and Mickey's? Jake's? Could she give up on the Doctor, forever? Her hands shook, but she knew the answer to the question already. She couldn't. Not as long as she still had some fight left in her; she couldn't just abandon them, any of them.

Her eyes were dark with pain and hopelessness, the intimate understanding that this world wouldn't be the only one she'd be spending years in, all too clear in her head, but she walked on, tightening her grip on her jacket, hoping to stave of the cold and the rain, hoping that somehow, she'd find civilisation and a way into a warm place despite her lack of money.

Still, the walk seemed endless and by the time she reached paved road, Rose was ready to burst with desperation. Her feet leapt into an almost-jog without her intent but only moments later, she found herself running, panic biting at her heels until she fairly felt as though she were flying, blood rushing in her ears, feet rhythmically pounding into the hard ground, heart hammering against her ribcage as she forced herself faster and faster until finally, her foot caught on something and for just the barest second she was airborne, her entire body flying through the air before she hit the ground with what felt like twice the impact she was expecting and she could feel her head hit and bounce, arms pushed out too late to protect herself.

For a moment she lay still, allowing the world a moment to stop spinning, feeling the pain rise and instantly suppressing it, knowing from experience that it would subdue to a minimal amount if she ignored it as best as she could. Despite the fact that he hadn't been with her in over a year, despite the fact that she, for a time, hadn't remembered the smell of him, the timbre of his voice when he spoke her name or the rough calluses in his hands when they held her own, she almost expected to see him bending down beside her, head oddly upside down as he would attempt to see if she was conscious and if she was alright. When he'd figure out that it was only a couple of scratches, he'd grin and joke about battle scars or plop down beside her and ruminate on how inferior human eyes were to his or about the composition of rocks or why grass smelt the way it did. He'd distract her, make her laugh until she forgot that they hadn't just decided to lie on the ground but rather that she'd fallen. Then he'd stand beside her, hand outstretched, all ready to pull her entire body up should she lack the strength or ready to continue running if that's what she wanted. Because he'd always done that, when there wasn't a crisis, he'd read her so she didn't need to say when she needed a distraction; he was just there, always there. Whatever she wanted, whenever and wherever, as long as it didn't involve anything domestic, he'd do whatever she asked of him; even if he complained and grumbled while doing so.

And maybe that was why, even now, even here, she'd expected to reach up and find him at her side, because that's where he always was. Closing her eyes, calming her breathing, she reached out behind her, blindly and could only barely suppress a sob when she found no one. No hand. No Doctor. Just her, alone, in an empty road. Shaking, she stood up, eyes desolate, pace slow, cradling her arm and carrying onwards, following the road with no specific destination in mind, knowing there was nothing else she could do. Not if she wanted to survive. And if she wanted any, even the smallest, slightest chance of seeing him again, that's exactly what she had to do. Survive. The way she'd always done.

* * *

Rose had been more than lucky; she had found a small village and Allison had found her. In exchange for work around the farm / hotel, she was allowed to stay at their house and eat meals.

It was... interesting. She'd never lived in the country before, nor did she ever have such exposure to animals other than cats and dogs. But she welcomed the change. With no identity, it was the easiest way to live and not be on the streets. And she'd always been a quick learner when she wanted to be. The world wasn't much different from her own or Pete's. It was behind on some issues and yet more advanced in technology. And, luckily, they spoke English. For two years, Rose was allowed to forget that in Pete's world she was an heiress, she was allowed to forget that she knew aliens existed. Politics, changes in regimes, nothing ever seemed to affect her life on the farm. It was a relief, being able to just live day to day, unconcerned by anything. Then, one night, she watched as a star disappeared. The next morning, her last day in this world - Allison's world - she looked in the mirror after her shower and suddenly it hit her.

Rose Tyler still looked like Rose Tyler - not a twenty six year old woman but a 20 year old girl. There were no new lines around her mouth or eyes, nothing to show that she had aged, at all, since her time with the Doctor... or, to be more to the point, since her time in the Tardis. Unfortunately, that only made it so much clearer that she was the only one who could travel through the dimension - because, apparently, time passing didn't affect her, or at least not to any visible degree.

With only quarter an hour left, she said her goodbye to the family that had welcomed her when she had nothing - nothing to barter with, nothing to give. Good people could be found everywhere; you just had to keep looking.

Smiling widely, Rose waved goodbye to the small family and made her way up the hill and out of sight. The time away had eased her in a way nothing her mum had done had been able to; her heart was lighter and the lack of responsibility had lifted her spirits. It was time to go back, but no matter what, she could handle it now, she could deal with whatever the world decided to throw at her.

Even the time vortex in this world hadn't given her pain and she theorised that unless she attempted to interfere directly, time would only attempt to phase her out the universe very slowly; it was the reason why her Bad Wolf counterpart had hidden herself so deeply inside of her, rather than taking control.

A flash of light, a sensation as though every part of her was being simultaneously pulled apart just before being roughly pushed back together, and then she was back. Back in front of a mass of politicians and scientists - and her dad, Mickey and Jake.

Rose felt her face light up and within moments her arms were around Jake, who, laughing loudly, hugged her back. Her head was spinning, but none of that mattered. She had missed him, missed them. Moments later, her father's voice came over the speaker, his voice cracking slightly before he cleared his throat.

"Well, we'll debrief in 10."

She waved at him, giving him a wide smile and he nodded, his grin equally wide.

There was no way she could tell them that it had been more than three hours, no way she could tell them that it looked as if she wouldn't die of old age, that if she remained in this world, eventually she'd watch all her friends and family wither away and die, that she'd watch Tony grow up and fade away. Instead, Rose brightened her smile and told Jake funny stories about the purple cows and the orange pigs with bushy tails.

Life... Life was good. It could have been a lot worse, far worse.

* * *

Her next few jumps were unremarkable and never lasted more than a few days at most, some only minutes. She forced Torchwood to spend as little time as possible in between the jumps and the politicians agreed with the caveat of her being cleared by a doctor prior to each jump. By now she'd seen over thirty different dimensions. Luckily the one with the dinosaurs she'd only seen a glimpse of before the watch had already transported her back.

Most people were only just starting to realise the sheer number of dimensions she'd have to travel through. The politicians had long since stopped coming. The stars were starting to disappear close to their solar system now and the public was growing restless.

Another jump. She could hear the shout behind her that let her know the machines were being activated. A bright flash and a moment later she was somewhere else. Still not the right one, though.

When she opened her eyes, she thought at first it was night; then, with a gasp, the blonde realised that that wasn't it. The sky was dark from the smoke and ash, the smell of burning was in the air and ash and dust swirled in clouds around the ground, making it hard to breathe. The smoke, the screams, the flashes of lights, sounds of guns and bombs; it was everywhere.

Rose stared, glad, suddenly, that her body had acclimatised, of sorts, to the travelling; this was not the moment to be standing around, watching. But she was too disorientated, knowing she had to run, to get away and out, but not knowing which direction to go to.

"Miss! What are you doing?"

The voice was too young, too childish and yet the panic seemed in keeping with the situation. A hand slid into hers, a tiny one, and a small girl came into view, not older than five but yet firm when she pulled Rose off into the dark cloud, certain of her direction. Knowing that her options were slim, the Blonde followed, aware that this could be a potential trap, but also aware that it could be someone who'd help her, especially here and now, when she didn't know who was friend and who was foe.

"Run!" The girl admonished, her tiny legs eating up the ground and still making more progress than Rose. Shaking her head, realising that this was not the time to be second-guessing her choices, she started running fully, making sure she kept pace with the smaller girl. Suddenly they came to a stop outside of a small barn and the girl pointed to a small trapdoor in the ground. Rose did her best to lift the heavy door, allowing the child to slip through first before following her down into the dark.

It took a moment before her eyes acclimatised to the much darker surroundings, only lit by small torches and several guns and similar weapons, all pointed at her.

Lifting her hands, in what she desperately hoped was a universal and transdimensional sign for being unarmed, she nervously licked her lips, staring at the people around her. They were all human, both young and old, female and male, but decidedly human. Rose had yet to determine whether that was good or not.

"Who are you?"

She had learned rather quickly that her own name garnered a lot of unwanted attention. No matter what planet, what dimension or world, there was no other Rose Tyler anywhere; so she lived off aliases.

"Sarah-Jane," she decided. Her name for this adventure, however long it were to last.

* * *

**To be continued...**

Everyone, you're fantastic, thanks for the reviews; I would love to hear from you. I always aim to tug at people's heartstrings, so I'd really like to hear from you if I've managed that. And please, please, someone, pick up on the pink and yellow comment :) Anyway, below are my responses to the reviews:

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**readmered **

Hi! I'm glad you're enjoying the story. Your wish is my command; the first 5000-odd words are a flashback with Nine in it. I hope you enjoyed it and I hope you don't think I went too OOC with his character. Let me know what you think. I would love to hear your thoughts and I hope you'll enjoy the next few chapters.

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**AppleGrass15**

Definitely continuing, got some time just now so I'll work on the next chapter next week. I do hope you enjoyed this chapter and I would love to hear from you. So please share in another review :)

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**TooLazyToLogIn**

Yay! A new fan! Love your username :) Sorry for testing your patience, but hope you stayed with me! I did my best for this chapter and I hope it's still excellent work. Please do review, I'd love to hear from you again.

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**CoryAvellana **

Yay! Hi Cory. So glad you're enjoying the story and my Rose. She's going to have to go through some more stuff which will help her grow as a person into a more diverse character and, hopefully, a bit better matched to deal with the Doctor's good and dark sides. Anyway, would love to hear your thoughts on my latest work! Please leave a review!

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**draccmalfoy **

Yay! So glad you like it. I do try to pace my fanfic so a lot of things are happening but you still feel the emotional aspects of it all. So, I'm glad you're enjoying it and I've got lots of things planned for the next few chapters. That's as much as I can say, unfortunately, without giving too much away. That and there's going to be a few more jumps, some of them I'll go into detail about. So yeah, would love to hear your thoughts on my latest work and Rose's first jump.

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**Meghan Thalia Jackson**

Yay! Thank you so much! I'm glad you're enjoying the fanfic so far. Unfortunately, as you could probably tell, the reunion's still a bit off. Sorry about that. But I hope you do enjoy the bits in the middle until then just as much. Let me know your thoughts and keep reviewing, please!

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**Anna221B **

Yay, we fully agree on that. The Doctor and Rose do need to be together. Unfortunately, it's going to take some time and tens of thousands of words, but yay, at some point they'll be reunited. As a quick one to your username, I did think of putting Rose into Sherlock's universe as Molly Hopper. I mean, what do our resident geniuses never notice or completely disregard? Love, specifically, someone in love with them. So what better way for Rose to avoid too much attention from both Sherlock and Mycroft? Alas, I thought it would diverge too much and put too much confusion into this, but what do you think? Would love a review!

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**Motherhen22 **

Yay, so glad you're enjoying and YAY! A new fan! I prefer writing in a way that makes you feel along with the characters, so I'm glad you thought I succeeded. I have to admit, parts of GITF never quite made sense and I think Madame de Pompadour is truly amazing, but, more than anything, I wanted a stronger Rose, someone who'd grow to challenge him, who'd feel abandoned and left behind but who would rationalise and support him. Anyway, thanks for the review. Hope you continue enjoying the story. Leave me another review, please! I live off these things!

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**Guest **

You love my story? Yay! Thank you! I'm so glad. Up there's the update for you. I do hope you'll continue reading and reviewing!

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**MuppetKatie **

Wow, this is an incredible review and I'm intensely flattered (I don't know how to make a blushing smiley, so just imagine one right here). It was such fun writing it, especially as she unravelled her own memories it pretty much wrote itself and all the emotions and thoughts that came with it. So glad you like my Bad Wolf; I wrote her like the Tardis was when she was in a human body; it was quite fun writing it like an outsider perspective on humanity. I don't quite know how to say it, but I really, honestly appreciate your detailed review and that you let me know you liked the way I unfolded everything stage by stage. I wasn't sure if I was jumping too fast, so thank you. I do hope you continued reading and that you're still enjoying my fanfic. I would love another review from you and thanks for all the hard work! I know how hard reviewing can be and grabbing bits of a long chapter you've just read... so yeah, just,...Thank you.

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**Guest **

Brilliant, thanks! Hope you enjoyed this chapter as well and like the plot I've got in mind :)

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**cecilehem **

Hey! I do love nice surprises, I aim to give you another one with an update next week. There is always pain. Pain, love, they do go hand in hand for these two. And yeah, no reunion in this or the next chapter. Not yet. More growing and understanding for Rose needs to come first. We don't really understand what she can do yet - but we will.

I can't fully say I won't allow the Doctor to make decisions on her behalf, but, if it helps, she will know what he's doing before he's done it and complies with it due to timey-wimey stuff... Now, that probably made little to no sense, but in 2-3 chapters, you'll hopefully have an ah-ha moment. Agreed, the Doctor needed to save her. He was as enamoured with the Madame de Pompadour, I think, as he normally is with most fascinating things, like the clockwork robots for example or the dogs with no noses.

I would absolutely love to hear from you again after this chapter. Please leave me a review. I promise, next update will be quicker.

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**Darkwolfberlin **

Ha! Just noticed your nickname's Berlin. I used to live in Berlin for a couple of months; it's quite cool. Sorry, meant to say - thanks for the review. Not sure where to pitch Jenny yet, I'll admit, but I did have a similar thought to what you had. I can't quite share everything I'm planning and it's a bit off yet before the Doctor returns in anything other than flashbacks, hopefully I'll wrap that bit up in two chapters or so, but who knows. Anyway, thank you for your input, it's great and I always look for people's thoughts on where this could go. Would love to hear from you again!

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**popie92 **

Yay! Thank you. So glad you enjoyed my cliffhanger and my bad wolf. Wasn't sure how well this would go down. I wrote Bad Wolf mostly like the Tardis in human form, so that was quite fun. Anyway, I'm hoping for another review. Let me know what you think of this chapter!

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**SassyFrassKerr**

Talk about perfect timing! I was starting to reply to the reviews when yours came in! Glad you're enjoying the story and voila, an update! Let me know what you think!


	8. Goodbye, Sarah-Jane

Thank you to all my fabulous &amp; brilliant reviewers – this chapter is dedicated to you and my wonderful beta reader **Don't-blink-Doctor-Rose - quick note here, this chapter is still under review by my beta**... I just was desperate for people's reviews. Shame on me. Sorry! As promised, a faster turnaround. Unfortunately, last week my computer crashed and it took me nearly a week to have everything back in working order, but hopefully this week I'll manage another chapter! Anyway, thank you, everyone, for your support. I have put the responses to your reviews at the bottom of the chapter!

The flashback this time will be split over two chapters, sorry about that. It somehow got longer and longer until we were at 13k and then I just had to cut it off... hopefully a nice cliffhanger!

I would love to hear from everyone again, so please, please review!

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Amber eyes flitted across the large, dank room, analysing the people around her. Everyone here had a weapon pointed at her and while some of the weapons were clearly alien, others were man-made – everything from machine guns to small handguns and two of the people closest to her even held a sword and a… machete?

For just a moment, Rose allowed herself to close her eyes, to swallow the pain and horror that had inevitably risen up when she had spotted the small girl she'd followed among these people – except now she wasn't the small, helpless, innocent child. No, because now she, too, was pointing a gun at her. Her tiny hinds were firm around the gun, no signs of trembling, and the hard set of her mouth, the braced position, left no doubt that the child was far too practiced in handling the weapon. In their dark moments, both Jack and the Doctor had mentioned these things, almost in passing, but it still broke her heart. What had to happen to a society to view it as acceptable to rob children of their innocence, to teach them to shoot, to kill? At an age where they hadn't yet had time to develop their own moral compass and relied on adult guidance, only to be taught that they had to stand up for themselves, protect themselves, that they wouldn't survive if they didn't shoot first.

Her heart in her throat, Rose looked at everyone around her again and, for the first time, she noticed the exhaustion lining their faces, the scars, the thin and muscular frames that came from too little food and too much running, the eyes that were too hard, too dulled in their emotion and in that very moment she realised that no one in this room would blink an eye at killing her; not a single one would pause, not even the little girl.

Each and every person in this room had killed before and it had chipped away at them, at their soul and they had hidden the core of themselves, of who they were, deep inside, away from the horrors and the pain. She had seen it before, a lifetime ago, in Max first, when she had been too young to truly understand and then again in him, in her Doctor. But never this, never so many, never in a child; yet they all were resigned to it, to their life and to this war.

She didn't know what had happened, but Rose knew that this was not something that had happened recently; many months, probably years and maybe even decades had passed that had changed these people.

"Hope, did you find anything?"

A tall, black man in the midst of the group was now finally discernible as the leader of the group as he spoke up. The little girl nodded quickly, but her eyes were still on Rose, as was her weapon.

"Yeah, two blocks down south, enough food for a fortnight."

The man stepped out of the group, the people around him accommodating for him subconsciously without ever taking their eyes or weapons off her. His large hand quickly patted the little girl's head.

"Good work, Hope. Go."

The girl had lit up at the praise and with a quick nod, Hope had lowered her weapon and secured it, before disappearing from Rose's view. Once she was completely out of her sight, the blonde looked up, only to find the cool eyes of the leader on her.

"So, Sarah-Jane, what were you doing up there?"

Rose opened her mouth and then floundered. She had no idea what had happened to her planet, to this dimension. She had only been in this world for five minutes; there was no way to know who was fighting whom or what was going on. Any story she concocted could get her killed if she so much as said the wrong thing or moved the wrong way. Her hesitation, every moment she didn't actually answer the question, only made them more suspicious about her and, as a result, more nervous. She didn't need her experiences with the Doctor to tell her that making the person holding a gun nervous was never a good idea.

"I, uh… I can't remember," worrying her bottom lip with her teeth in anxiety, she held the gaze of the man in front of her. She had only ever been a passable liar at best and this time, her life depended on whether or not they bought her story.

The man stepped closer, blue eyes cold and hard. After a moment of holding her gaze, his eyes dropped, scanning her, analysing her clothes, her stance; but Rose didn't know what he was looking for. Without asking for her permission, he took her hand into his, lifting it up and closer to him to inspect the back of it before turning it over and she watched as his large finger traced over the inside of her palm. The man frowned and then his eyes were drawn to her face and her hair. His hands lifted a few strands up, his frown growing more pronounced the closer he looked at her. She remained still under his scrutiny, well aware that any move could be interpreted as a threat and get her killed; still, she was curious as to what he saw when he looked at her.

"This is not possible. You- You are not possible."

For the first time she could see something like curiosity awaken in the eyes of some of the people around her. Heart racing, hands clammy, Rose focused back on the leader, hoping that this was good for her.

"What do you mean?"

He snorted.

"You have no weapon on you, your hands are clean apart from the dirt you got from holding Hope's hand and your calluses speak of manual labour, not holding weapons. There are no cuts, no bruises; you look like you just had a bath. That in itself is incredible considering our location, but, more than that, your hair; it's coloured and I would say it looked like a job done by a stylist - except there has been no such thing for almost a decade. On top of that your clothes are immaculate, clean even and not ripped, torn or burnt."

Her eyes had automatically looked at her hands as he pointed them out, at her clothes and for the first time she saw what they had to see in her and realised just how lucky she was they hadn't shot her at first sight without ever listening to her. Every single person in this room had tangled, matted hair, dirt and smoke on their face and hands and their clothes were discoloured, ragged, showing signs of age and telling the tales of the harrowing life on the run their owners had. Yet here she was, perfectly manicured, clean and neatly dressed; something which, from their expression, they hadn't seen in a very, very long time.

"So you see, _you_, Sarah-Jane, are impossible. And if you truly have no memory, than you may be either incredibly valuable to us or a traitor…"

The leader of the group paused for a moment, eyes studying her intently. It was rare that she met people who could study her as well as she could study them; most people got by with very little people skills. This man, obviously, was an exception to that rule. His eyes were like Jack's; she could see the lightning-fast mind behind them seeing, analysing and processing everything he saw, had seen about her, everything he heard, the way she'd talked and assessing her on that basis.

"Well," his next action astounded her, especially considering her assumption that they were in a war and she had successfully come across as indubitably suspicious by just appearance alone. Yet, he remained unperturbed, easily ignoring everyone's incredulous and angry stares when he handed her his gun, "go on, check the clip."

Baffled, Rose stared at the metal thing in her hand. She'd seen them in movies and TV shows and in a couple of the places she'd travelled with the Doctor. But she'd never used one. Perplexed she lifted the gun carefully in the air, hoping that somehow his words would make more sense if she just looked at this … thing from another angle. There was the trigger and, not wanting to accidentally shoot it, she steered well clear of handling it near there, though she couldn't hide her unease at holding the barrel. Any yet she couldn't see anything like what he'd suggest… what the hell was a clip? Rose swallowed hard, realising that unless she was willing to experiment with what she could only presume was a live gun, she'd have to give in.

"I-," her voice cracked slightly, the threat of dying looming with ever increasing intensity over her head. "I don't know." She heard a disbelieving "What?" from the crowd and flushed slightly.

"Well, I'll be damned." Another appraising glance from the leader and finally he shook his head. "My name's Anthony, Tony for short. I am gonna give you the benefit of the doubt, rare as it is these days. You didn't even know how to hold the gun and every kid knows that. Muscle memory isn't affected by memory loss, as far as I know, so either you really don't know what a clip is or the fact that I just took it out of this gun."

To demonstrate, he took out the magazine and showed her the clip before reinserting it back into the handle of the gun. Rose cringed slightly, but Tony holstered it calmly, gesturing for everyone else to follow suit. They followed his order and accepted his judgment without argument.

"Don't even think about double-crossing us or you won't be alive for very long."

Rose swallowed but nodded obediently, acknowledging the warning. Tony nodded curtly, before the frown fell and gave way to a smile.

"We don't have much and we're moving again in a week at the latest, but what we do have, we'll share. You are welcome to come with us, but we will expect you to do your fair share. Ron and Jess over there are our weapons experts. Both can help you kit out and teach you what you need to know to survive…" He paused and for a moment, he looked truly regretful. "We can't wait any longer and if you fall behind, we'll leave you behind. No second chances."

The words echoed familiarly in her ears, once spoken by a newly regenerated Doctor, and Rose nodded resolutely, decision already made. She could see why Tony had been made the leader of this ragtag group. He was harsh but fair, honest and giving praise when needed but ready to make quick judgment calls where needed. Rose couldn't help but wonder what he had been like before whatever had fallen over this world took place.

Almost automatically she looked at the two people Tony had pointed out to her as weapons expert. Jess was tall for a woman, almost as tall as Tony, and her height made her seem gaunt. Rose knew differently; she recognised the wiry strength held in her body, the tone of the muscles, the effortless nature with which she lifted Hope out of the way – all things she'd seen the Doctor do. Not bulky muscles, but rather stamina and muscles developed and formed for strength. Her hair was cropped short, presumably so it didn't get in the way when fighting. Ron, on the other hand, was smaller than Rose even and of a more stocky build. But the scar running half-way down his face, the hard set of his jaw and the cold look in his eyes told her clearly that this was a very dangerous man.

"Right then," Tony said, clapping her on the shoulder hard enough to make her stumble and merely grinning under her glare, "let me introduce you to the rest of our team."

Smiling, she nodded, but allowed herself a small glance sideways at her wrist and a lump formed in her throat; after so many short jumps, she'd allowed herself to live in the delusion that maybe she would get lucky and not have to stay anywhere for a long time again. But her watch's first numbers clearly displayed 005. Five years – five long years in what seemed to be a war torn planet. Her chances of survival were probably slim at best, especially if she was already attracting this much attention just by having coloured hair.

Swallowing her rising desperation, suppressing her emotions, she smiled at the people she was introduced to. Everyone was still slightly in disbelief over her memory loss, but no one was any less than accepting about her new place in their midst.

* * *

It took her several weeks to build up enough trust for people to open up to her. She never asked specifically but as everyone shared their stories, Rose slowly stared to piece what had happened, together.

An alien spaceship had been sighted, eight years ago. Someone in the US had collected any alien specimen and weapons they were able to get their hands over years – which made her wonder about Adam and van Statten for just a moment - and, whilst the world was still unsure if this was something to be feared or a peaceful first contact, he shot down the spaceship with one of those very weapons he'd collected. The alien ship was severely damaged in the process, but as it turned out, it had never been a threat to Earth. It was an envoy from the Shadow Proclamation, sent to categorise Earth. They were upgraded and longer had the protection they had previously been under as a level 5 planet, even if they hadn't ever known about it.

Their downfall was swift. No one knew how to deal with the variety of aliens that came to barter, to buy, to steal. Earth was wide open and many died in a series of invasions before one of the politicians, unknowingly, signed away a third of the planet's population to the slave trade and another third to experiments. The rest were expendable. He thought he was protecting everyone; instead, hell broke loose. The alien race fended over any other invaders, but it also terrorised the inhabitants, stealing entire population of cities or countries at will.

Needless to say, Chaos broke out. People ran, but no one knew where to; there was no safe place. In the end, groups, much like the one she was now part of, had formed themselves all around the planet. Always running, never stopping for more than a week anywhere before moving on again. Food was scarce as there were no farmers, no flour mills, nothing to supply them and people lived off the fruit and vegetables found in the land and animals whenever they could be found.

Cars, motorbikes, trains, none of them were running as there was no oil, no gas and no electricity, meaning everyone was on foot or, for some groups, on bicycles.

Rose wished that she could say that, two months in, her group had remained the same, but already five had fallen and three new people had joined. Some had been shot, others taken, some simply never returned from their scouting missions and were therefore declared lost and the group moved on. At first, she had been horrified that people would just turn from their friends, would simply leave them to the alien's mercy, leave them behind, but slowly she grew to understand the sheer helplessness of the situation, the futility in fighting when even a win would only mean being taken over by a different alien race. The hopelessness written on everyone's face finally started to make sense. Still her watch kept ticking down, slowly.

Already, Rose had gained a scar on her leg from an explosion but she had learned her lesson a long time ago; the dimension traveller hadn't stopped, had just kept running, kept pushing herself past the pain, past the blackness creeping in on her, the blackout that threatened her survival and kept pace with the group. The moment Tony called for camp, she collapsed to her own embarrassment, but he had just patted her on the shoulder, a silent acknowledgment of her efforts and for the first time she had felt not only as part of the group but actually felt as though she'd accomplished something.

And, as more months passed, Rose learned to recognise the signs in people, learned to understand who would be the next one to go because they wouldn't be fighting as hard, wouldn't run as fast, wouldn't keep on going despite the pain, because they had given up. There was bleakness to their eyes, a desperation carrying on in their every word and something in their behaviour that told everyone that they simply didn't care anymore, that they had given up. But, more telling than anything were the nightmares. They were in a war; your body couldn't survive handling reality and nightmares at once, so your body shut down anything but the most essential… except for those who had given up, those who didn't care anymore.

As soon as their behaviour became visible, the group let go of them; not alienating exactly, nor leaving them behind, but rather cutting off their own emotional ties so the loss wouldn't be as harsh, not as traumatising. But Rose refused, she refused to let them go without a fight, refused to let these people die alone and so she fought for them, fought against them, tried to incite anger, hate, love, remorse, any emotion was better than none. Everyone just smiled tiredly at her effort but had given up trying to tell her just how fruitless a mission it was. And she refused to accept what everyone was telling her, what the future victims themselves were telling her.

And with every person she lost, with every new person that disappeared never to be seen again, another part of her broke, another part of her went with them, because to her, they had been her friends.

Sam, old, wise, Sam, had attempted to tell her, time and again, that it would destroy her as much as it had them, if she allowed them this close to her. She stubbornly ignored him; she knew he wasn't wrong but she still had a purpose, something she would never give up fighting for and so what if it hurt? No one deserved to be forgotten.

Tears had long since stopped coming. There wasn't enough liquid for all their exertion on a daily basis already and the stress was at an all-time high all the time. You just learned to deal with it, to concentrate on the next task only and not think about what might be happening to the friends you'd lost.

The glances to her watch had become fewer and farther in between as time went on; instead of a reminder of her Doctor, a way of returning to him, it became a sign of betrayal, of abandoning these people, of something that seemed to unattainably far away; despite what she told herself, despite the encouraging words she told people, Rose doubted she would make it that long. She was too prone to taking risks, too often doubling back for members of their group that were lagging behind, pushing and pulling, cajoling them until they were once again at the same pace as the rest. But she couldn't stop fighting for every single person she met, couldn't stop risking everything just to have them live another day, so yes, she knew that even though she wouldn't give up, her time here was more limited than even her watch was showing her.

* * *

Sarah-Jane was a name she'd long since gotten used to and accepted as her own even though at first she'd ignored people when they called her. Somehow, some way, she'd managed to survive two years; a large part of that success could be directly attributed to Tony and Sam. Hope, the clever seven-year-old girl, had also become a great friend and one of the few to have survived. Sam was a grizzly, old man who had joined them just over a year ago. His fitness belied his age, easily outpacing the younger members and he once confided in her that he'd been part of the Secret Service. Having seen him in action, Rose was inclined to believe him.

Jack had once been her teacher, teaching her how to fight dirty, but she'd never gotten into it this much. Now, however, it had become a way of life. When she had been with the Doctor, she'd still had the luxury of refusing guns, of taking the moral high road, of somehow scraping by, time and again, with just finesse, a lot of fast talking and, occasionally, charms. Now, however, none of that would help her. He wasn't here and she just _had_ to make it back to him. There was no other choice, not in this climate; it wasn't something that could be fixed by just one human.

So she learned. And like anything she set her mind to, she excelled. Rose wasn't just a good shooter, she was an excellent one. Nowhere near as good as the experts, but better than quite a few other members of the team who had a lot more experience than her. The dull, throbbing pain in her heart only worsened every time she received praise for, as she saw it, being a good killer. What would the Doctor think if he saw her now?

The sword came easiest to her, however, her gymnastic skills a surprising asset as she learned to evade, feint and to kill. Sam taught her hand to hand fighting, taught her how fight dirty and, more importantly, how to win when you were outgunned, outclassed and outnumbered. Rose was a diligent student; her survival had more than once only been assured by the numerous tricks Sam had taught her.

Of course, Sam was teaching everyone who wanted to learn so Rose was not the only one, but she had bonded with the old man during the first few weeks, saw the affection barely hidden by his gruff exterior and harsh tone. In many ways, he reminded her of her first Doctor only Sam was much more open about his past. He told her, in one of the many cold, harsh nights out in the open, about his wife, the love of his life, and how she had been taken from him, taken as a slave before he had even understood she wasn't in his arms anymore. So with very little research and just a threadbare plan, Sam had volunteered to be a slave as well; something so reckless and daring, so foolish it reminded her of the many rescues the Doctor had pulled off.

Except this one had no happy ending. She'd known that before he'd ever told her; it was written in his face, in his eyes; the grief, the pain, the loss. Months; that's how long she was alone in their hands, facing god-knows-what. By the time he'd found her, it was too late. He saw it in her too, Sam had confessed, with a bitter laugh; that idealism, that hope, the desperate yearning where you didn't dare contemplate all the ways in which it could all go wrong. He, too, had thought that even if they were slaves, no matter what pain, what horrors they had to endure, he and his wife together could face whatever fate they had to… together.

And then, after months of pain and humiliation, of having empathy literally beaten out of him, he saw her. For just a fleeting moment, he'd been relieved; he'd thought it was all worth it. But those few months had been too long, the experience too harsh, and Sam refused to say more than that they had broken her in ways he found he had no words to describe. The woman he loved was gone and though her body was still alive, all that she was, had been extinguished; her memories and emotions, her brilliant mind, all of it, gone. Yet, despite that instant understanding, that intuitive comprehension when there had been no spark of recognition, of relief in her eyes, he hadn't been able to leave her. For nearly a year he stayed at her side, easing her workload, attempting to make her remember, to feel again.

But when she betrayed his plan of their escape to the aliens, he finally had to accept what he had known all along. The woman he loved was dead and he had lost everything with her. For a couple of months after his punishment, he had remained as a slave, remained subdued until he woke up one morning with the startling realization that his life wasn't over. He had lost her, but he was still alive and he could still help others, so at least they didn't have to experience what he had to. He managed his escape a week later and joined their group two years later.

Tony and she were the only ones Sam had entrusted with his story and Rose felt bad, even more so every time he called her by her fake name, when she was unable to respond in kind. And then, one day, Sam just took her aside and told her, point blank, that he knew most of what she told him was a lie and that it was okay, because more than words, her actions spoke of what a person she was. Rose didn't have to confide in him, didn't have to tell him anything but he'd be there for her if she ever wanted someone she could trust in absolutely. She had no words to express her gratitude for his unconditional acceptance and understanding.

Many moaned about him, but Rose had understood him rather quickly; she had met too many people like him, for her not to. So, when Sam started to push her harder in her training than everyone else, when he pushed her to the very brink of exhaustion, she knew that it was nothing but a sign of his affection for her. It wasn't something he'd ever said out loud to her, but the only reason for him to push her this hard was, because above everyone else, he didn't want her to die, he wanted to ensure her survival by teaching her as much as he could, as quickly as possible; because it was the only way he could be sure he had done everything he could to help her fight for survival.

Rose wouldn't be so cliché as to say he became her adopted father figure and she his daughter he never had; but they were family, the only family they had. Sam, Tony and Hope had become her family in this world. Every day here, she lived and breathed and fought for them, because she understood that as much as she missed her family in her own world and as much as she wanted to return to her Doctor, for now she was here and her family here needed her.

Her days were filled with running, endless running and too little food. It was funny how easily you forgot the way an empty stomach made you feel ill and queasy, the way it hurt and the way your emotions ran havoc. And it was surprising to realise just how much further you could push yourself, how much further you can go if you have to, if you really want to. Every time Rose was sure she couldn't face even just one more step, she'd somehow manage to still run for an hour and help set up for the night. But more than that, you realised just what you could be pushed to do for yourself, for the ones you love, if you were pushed hard enough.

The guns weren't for the aliens; they were all but useless on their armours, no, rather it was for the other humans. There were few supplies and even less food and while, unfortunately, some humans had lost their morals and were taking and killing as they pleased or even dealing with the aliens, some were just like their own group, fighting for survival except they would assault other groups for their food and their supplies.

Rose had lost count of how often she had felt the hot spray of blood on her face, how often she had been forced to use her weapons to defend herself or others, all she knew was that it could have been worse by far. But that didn't help with her guilt or her pain, it didn't help soothe her sorrow or lessen the acute loss she felt with every life she took and the intimate understanding just how she had started to embody everything her Doctor hated, everything he held in contempt.

Every now and then there would be rumors reaching them of a lot of supplies or food having been found in one direction or another; Tony always made sure to lead their group away from that place, knowing it would only lead to slaughter. It was also the reason some had left their group, preferring to take their chance rather than extend their suffering. Sam always scoffed at them.

* * *

In the end, it wasn't aliens that were her downfall, but rather it was humans.

Another group had attempted to assault them at night but Tony always had at least three people standing guard; one survived long enough to alert their group. Unfortunately, they were outnumbered and Tony called for a retreat before long, abandoning the food supplies they had gathered and hopefully satisfying the others; except they had fired off another round of warning shots to ensure they stayed away before leaving them alone.

The moment the man had lifted up his rifle and aimed, Rose knew that he was aiming to the left of the group; at roughly the same spot where Hope was. At seven years old, she was still much smaller than most children Rose was used to as her body lacked the nutrition and nutrients to go through a growth spurt; but now she was kneeling as well, having found some carrots in the ground for the group to eat. Unfortunately that also meant she was pretty much invisible to the man aiming the rifle, especially considering the sky was only showing the barest hint of light yet and how far away they were from him.

She knew a shout would automatically make Hope run, but there was only a 50/50 chance she would go into the right direction. But there was another option, of course – no one else was close, no one but her. Heart in her throat, pulse skyrocketing, her feet moved before she even had time to contemplate the repercussions. She reached Hope in record time, telling her the code word which was only known to Jess, Tony, Sam and her; a codeword which told Hope to not fight the person grabbing her.

"Because the beast said so."

Of course it was a play on Beauty and the Beast; they periodically changed the codeword, to ensure that even if someone happened to overhear it, they wouldn't be able to use it in time to abduct Hope. Last fortnight's password had been "Don't lose your shoe," in a play on Cinderella. Hope really enjoyed the passwords as she always got to hear the fairytale slowly recounted to hear over the course of two weeks, and, dependant on safe the group was that week, even part re-enactments.

The girl obeyed beautifully by allowing her muscles to relax as she was picked up before slinging her tiny arms around Rose's neck and wrapping her legs around her waist. She then buried her head against her chest, while the blonde dimension traveller turned on her heels, hearing the loud echo of the shots being fired behind her and attempted to launch them both away and out of range, knowing that no matter what, the moment she heard the shots, it had been too late.

They didn't quite make it out of range. It was oddly difficult to register the gunshot; rather all she felt at first was the impact, something that launched her sideways midair. Hope scurried out of her arms and Rose felt relieved that the gunshot must have not gone through her and into the little girl, a saving grace at least. She never noticed the small trail of blood running down the side of Hope's face, a scar on her temple that would forever be a sign of the person who had saved her.

It was hard to hold onto a single thought, Rose noted absently, her brain kept jumping all over; and it was surprisingly difficult to stand. Her head felt fuzzy and she couldn't concentrate on even moving in a straight line; all she knew was that if she didn't keep up with the rest of the group, she'd be left behind.

"…Rose? Rose, what's wrong?"

Sam's concerned face was in front of her but she couldn't muster the strength to tell him that she didn't know. Her tummy felt odd and her legs were shaking. Another step forward and finally her legs fully gave way and she landed in Sam's arms. She heard him swallow and his desperate whisper, "Please, no…", even as he gently allowed her body to lie down.

Rose wanted to tell him it was okay, but she couldn't. It wasn't. His world was as far from okay as she had ever seen and her family would slowly disappear in theirs. The Doctor would save his own dimension, but probably not in time for a great many of the others, and most likely not in time for her mum and dad, for Mickey and Jake… they would just disappear. Because she failed. Because she couldn't find the right dimension quickly enough. Because she couldn't accept that sometimes one person, even a child, had to die for the greater good, that sometimes she couldn't save everyone and that this time she had made the wrong choice and because of her, everyone would die.

One lonely tear ran down her face, the first in a long time and she looked up at the old man bent over her, desperately trying to stop the blood flow. Rose hadn't looked, hadn't dared to look, but she knew beyond a doubt that she was dying. She could feel it, the potential futures around her disappearing with every gasping breath she took.

"Run," she tried to tell him, wanting Sam to be with Tony and Hope, not to watch her die, "there's nothing you can do. Run. Live another day."

Sam's hand was soft on her cheek, his eyes sad and tired, a moment where he allowed her to see just how much her death would affect him.

"You're just a child yourself," he finally said, knowing just how futile a statement it was. Neither war nor death ever paid attention to the age of its victims. Life wasn't fair; Sam and most people on this planet had learned that by now. Sam shook his head, a small smile on his lips as he looked at her. "A valiant child, admittedly, but a child still. Goodbye, Sarah-Jane. It's been a pleasure."

She could almost feel him drawing together his strength, his eyes going towards the group who was, for once, pausing a few hundred meters away. Pulling on everything she had, she pushed him onward, ignoring the agony that spread through her as she almost automatically tightened her stomach muscles. Only once he'd taken two hesitant steps away from her, did she allow her eyes to close. Her throat was tight and the pain too much; she had no way of expressing this kind of agony. Screaming felt like it was too much of an effort.

Her heart pounded oddly loud in her ears and Rose found herself trying to tell it to quiet down. Then, miraculously, it did. And with it, the rushing sound faded, the world became slow and the threads of time seemed to come to the fore as everything else faded away. Another gasp, her body forced upwards despite the agony as it desperately tried to gasp for breath not understanding that her heart was pumping too slowly, that the precious oxygen she needed was leaving her along with all the blood slowly pouring out of her, drawn by gravity more than a frantically pumping heart by now. So weak, like all strength had left and the feeling of needing to lie down; except she was already lying. Even just moving her fingers seemed to much of an effort and yet she desperately wanted to hold her necklace once more, wanted to remember the way the Doctor had called her Arkytior, the way he'd held her, but it was all fading so fast. All that remained were the words of the Beast, echoing in her head even past the point where everything else had faded.

_"__The valiant child, who will die in battle so very soon."_

Then, finally, her heart stopped. And for a moment, just one second, time stood still and the world paused for breath.

Then a pulse spread through the area as Rose's timeline snapped taunt, threatening to tear away from its strand except it couldn't as she was irrevocably tied to another dimension, another universe, where a Tardis had once saved her life by breathing into her with all the power of her heart, the very essence of that universe's time vortex. An echo, a golden light, flooded down her time stream, reaching out to this vortex and forcing it to obey. This time the pulse spread out physically from Rose's body, a wind blowing from her body with alarming force as time was forcibly rewound, her body changing back to the moment when the Tardis had taken her body into her inner self to restore her to life. Everyone in the vicinity, including her group, started to come out, trying to find out if they needed to run. Slowly, Rose's body began to glow golden, the colour of time itself, as every particle of her body started to resonate with this universe's time vortex before it fought back; the golden glow of the artron energy, the huon particles woven into her body, slowly receded. Still, the vortex energy had been sufficient, even if it hadn't been the right dimension.

And then everything came back to life in that same instant, timelines across the entire universe spinning out of control as everything rewrote itself in an instant, as millions and billions of potential timelines disappeared only to be replaced by even more new potential timelines, as the entire universe changed when a ripple raced through it, set points in time fading to potential futures and new set points taking their place; only very few species were even aware of the change but every planet soon had their eye trained on one planet, one remarkable planet that had all but fallen by the wayside in the annals of history so far, recognizing that whatever change were to take place; this was where it would be originating from even if only few would ever know that someone named Sarah Jane had initiated it all, but the words "Bad Wolf" were known by all, had written themselves across galaxies and planets, translated into every tongue, every language, for just an instant the entire universe knew that name and soon a new religion had been born, a new goddess found. The goddess of time.

The next instant, the words were gone and on one tiny planet in a distant galaxy, a planet that had been taken over almost completely, one tiny human gasped in her first breath all over again. Rose Tyler had defied every law, every prophecy, every rule of the universe and come back to life.

Over her two years in this world, her natural hair colour had grown back, the blonde only visible at the ends now; but when Rose's eyes shot open and her mouth opened to desperately gasp in the air, it had returned to being blonde. Her body had returned, at least visually, to her twenty-year-old self, with only minimal muscles and too thin from her time alone on the ship. Her scars had disappeared, as had the stomach wound.

Surprised and not a little taken aback, Rose sat up, touching her tummy and finding that, despite the blood on her shirt, her skin was smooth below it except for the scar from the clockwork robot, more pronounced than it had been for a long time. She could feel it, the pressure from this universe's vortex, trying to erase her existence; luckily it was only mild pain at the moment, something easy to bear and even ignore. It took another moment before Rose became aware that Tony and Sam were a few feet from her, staring at her in both wonder and silent accusation. She didn't know what to say, what to do; she couldn't explain this without explaining a lot more, including the fact that she had lied to them for a long time now.

"I-… What? I mean- You-… _What_?"

Rose stood up, her legs shaky, staring at both men, knowing her reply would sound unbelievable.

"I.. don't know. I'm sorry."

'You… You don't know?" Tony repeated, incredulously, clearly seeing through her admittedly rather pathetic attempt to lie to them; she wanted to tell them, wanted them to know – she didn't want to have to lie to them anymore.. "You glow golden, come back to life and you're telling me you don't know?"

Other people started peaking out of their hiding places, all staring and her entire group was starting to get anxious

"We'll talk later," Sam promised her, a hard glare on his face, "now, run!"

Her younger body didn't have the muscles or stamina her older one had; not to mention that she was too thin and had too little energy. Either way, it was remarkably difficult to keep up and when they found a hiding place – which, for around twenty people was a bit difficult to find – she was shaking and gasping for air, nearly collapsing from the strain.

* * *

In the end, she had to tell them a shortened version of her story. She told them about _him,_ about her Doctor, about running and saving Earth and other planets together, over and over again. And she told them about the Judoon, the funny way the talked, reciting the only words she had ever learned in their language: 'Sol 3 is a Level 5 planet' and about how the system was meant to work, even if it wasn't flawless.

Rose didn't understand why, when her tale was so fantastical, when all the aliens they had ever encountered had been so antithetical to what she was describing, why they believed her at all. What she didn't realise was that the pain was written across her face, as was her love, didn't realise that these men had, for the first time, seen her smile that special way she did when talking about the Doctor, part teasing, part affection and mostly, looking genuinely happy. But she continued, telling them about the stars going out and about the fact that there was only one person that could help. And then she told them about Bad Wolf in a shortened version, fudging the details slightly, telling them that the Doctor's machine had temporarily used her body and that this may be what caused her to come back to life.

Of course she had only entrusted Sam and Tony with her story, though Rose had her suspicions about Hope listening in. Her heart eased when the two men simply accepted her, asking how much longer she was going to be staying with them.

"About three years, I think," Rose said, looking at her wristwatch, her automatic countdown linked to Pete's world. Then she did a double take and stared at her watch silently for a moment, before correcting herself. "Actually, sorry, it's only four months now."

Apparently, Rose thought, still staring at the countdown, feeling more than a little confused, dying reset or advanced the time she spent in another dimension.

* * *

Unfortunately, it took but a day before the aliens made an offer, an offer of sanctuary on another planet, if people turned her in. That same day, Sam, her and Tony left the group behind, knowing that staying any longer would only be a temptation, a risk they couldn't take. But it also meant leaving Hope behind; theirs was too dangerous a journey to have a child with them and put her life even more at risk than it already was. They all regretted it, they all felt horrible for leaving her behind, but they trusted Jess to take care of her. She was level-headed, strong and she would fight hard and dirty to protect Hope; in the end, it was the best choice, no matter how much it felt like they were abandoning her.

From that day on, they ran, hiding, and, being a much smaller group, it was so much easier to find hiding spots, to go by undetected.

Barely three weeks later, however, the aliens upped the ante.

If Rose – they called her Bad Wolf – was handed into them, they would set Earth free. Hiding became that much harder but they still managed to scrape by for another fortnight, until a new offer was made.

Earth, free, all slaves returned and the alien's protection in return for Bad Wolf. That same night, Tony had led her away, saying he wanted to talk to her in peace. It had happened before, so she hadn't been suspicious until an hour had passed. The moment he turned, the moment her eyes met his, she saw the genuine regret in his, the sorrow and the pain and, in that moment, she understood. He was trading her; and worst of all, she understood. Tony had been in charge of his group for five years – he had watched as countless people died or gave up, watched as the world around him changed and if all he had to do, to get it all to stop, was to sacrifice one person, no matter how close she was to him, then it was a fair trade.

And she did, understand, that is. But that didn't mean she didn't fight but in the end, she couldn't bring herself to go all out against a friend, and it was her downfall. Tony subdued her easily and when she next woke up, she had already been traded. She didn't need to look to know that the aliens had broken their word. They may very well leave Earth alone for the time being, but in three months, when she would inevitably disappear, she doubted they would be as kind.

* * *

For nearly three months she remained their captive, alternatively interrogated and tortured, the aliens attempting to find out what weapon she used… all the while the vortex kept growing stronger, pressing down on her, attempting to erase her, leaving her in constant pain; a sensation too familiar for comfort. But she found out quickly that at least Tony hadn't told them she died – or could die and come back. The aliens never pushed her that far.

Of course the aliens had attempted to take her necklace, to take her watch, but neither gave way to Rose's immense relief. After two and a half months, she was almost relieved when they broke her fingers or dislocated the shoulder; no matter how horrendous that pain was, the pain of the vortex tearing at her very being was exponentially worse and the acute pain elsewhere, allowed her body a momentary relief of having actual physical pain that could be dealt with somewhere it could focus on, rather than having every single part of her in pain.

Three days left before she'd be pulled back and it was getting hard to concentrate. Rose knew she couldn't leave everything as it was, couldn't leave Sam and Hope behind without help, couldn't abandon Tony, despite his actions in the end; and she was in a unique position of having access to most of the ship because, as much as they wanted her in pain, they didn't want her dead, so she was in the medical facility, which, she knew, was directly adjacent to the piloting section. Apart from her time in the Tardis or when Bad Wolf was fully in control, Rose had never consciously called on whatever power she had; she was too afraid of what she could do, what she had done. She'd erased an entire race. She'd committed genocide. And yet… she didn't have much time and there was little else she could do now.

But she'd given them a chance, had given them her ultimatum in interrogation a week ago, had told them to run, to leave Earth and never come back.

They had laughed.

And god, she wished she didn't have to do this, wished she didn't have to find out if she really could do this at will.

But there was no choice.

No choice at all; not if it meant hell for everyone else because of only a thousand aliens. She would bear the guilt, the self-hatred, if at least it meant they were safe. Sam didn't deserve any more pain and Hope should have the chance to experience life normally; go to school, find friends, have a boyfriend… Tony deserved his chance of returning to a normal life, of not having to send people to their death; he deserved his peace and a quiet life.

So, really, if it came down to it, no matter how much she hated it, her decision was already made. Their lives for her friends and four billion others.

* * *

Of course they didn't back down. They never did, if they didn't know for sure your weapons were superior; and, as far as they were concerned, she was in their control.

Only hours left now. A deep breath, ignoring the dull drumbeat echoing in her head from the pain, and Rose recalled the feeling of being Bad Wolf, of having the power of time at your fingertips.

_Breathe out._

The tingling started and the humming noise, the usually nearly inaudible melody that accompanied each time vortex, suddenly became deafening.

_Breathe in._

The melody had different crescendo, a different beat and twist to it than she was used to and yet in some places it resonated all-to familiarly; her muscles stiffened.

_Breathe out._

The time vortex's pressure on her increased with ever single beat of her heart, with every pull on time, on activating Bad Wolf in her, the strength of this world's time vortex rose against her, trying to crush her like a little insect.

_Breathe in. _

But she wasn't just Bad Wolf; she was Rose Tyler – and down on this small planet, she had formed a brand-new family and there was no way she was abandoning them to their fate. So she stubbornly fought against it, recalling that ability to change the world to her every whim, that power, that burning feeling in her heart.

_Breathe out._

It was done.

The world around her had turned golden and she knew that her eyes were glowing by now. Every single thing around her time attached to it and it was all there for her to see, for her to control.

The door opened.

She didn't give them a second chance; they had been given a week and still refused.

_"__You are tiny," _her voice echoed and with a blink of her eyes, she dissolved them. Their screams echoed in her head before giving way to complete silence.

Rose saw the slaves and with a minor thought, they were returned to their home planets, not all of which were Earth.

Time was fleeting and it was running down to mere seconds now. With a thought, the rescue pod was planted on Earth and the ship dissolved.

_"__This is Bad Wolf."_ Rose's voice, still laced with her power, echoed all over Earth, ensuring she reached every single person on it, her words translated into every language. _"I have returned your freedom to you. I am no longer able to protect you, but remember that aliens, people from other planets, are just as good and just as evil as humans. One of your own betrayed me. I have forgiven him. Everyone has their reasons, no matter how flawed. Earth is yours. Reclaim it."_

Rose hoped her words would reach them. She let go of the power, disbursing it and feeling the pull of the dimension cannon, realised if she had only been a second longer, Torchwood would have gotten a full view of glowing-Rose, as Mickey had dubbed it – apparently 'Bad Wolf' was too bad-ass, and she was still simply Rose; he just couldn't call her that.

What Rose didn't know, was that the space pod had been found and they had discovered how to use it. A decade later, Hope, a teenager by now, went off into space and she found the Judoon and recited the words she had heard over a decade ago, that she had memorized every night.

Hope was the reason Earth once again became classified as a level five planet, she was the reason, humanity could slowly rebuild themselves and learn to advance on their own and though she never told anyone, she remembered Sarah-Jane and knew that she was Bad Wolf, she remembered the woman who had saved her, the scar on her temple a permanent reminder etched into her skin of the woman who had taught her to stand up for herself, for humanity, even when faced with talking, threatening space-rhinoceroses.

And through her, another legend spread, a legend of Bad Wolf, but not of a goddess, but rather a human with the power of one.

* * *

Rose had no way of hiding it this time. When she arrived in Torchwood, she was bruised and bloody, her clothing torn, ripped and faded almost beyond recognition, her hair was matted and tangled and she hadn't had a shower in over a month. No one would believe that it had only been three hours.

Luckily, only the scientists, her dad, Mickey and Jake were present, so at least it wouldn't reach the politicians. It was time to come clean – or, at least, partly clean.

She ended up having to tell them about the time differences and about her inability to age. Rose refused to burden them even more by telling them she couldn't die. Pete ended up punching the wall, face set and dark in a way that reminded her of her Doctor's darker side; Mickey simply hunched over, no doubt understanding more than everyone else what this was doing to her, and was devastated on her behalf; Jake pulled her forward, into his arms and for just a moment, Rose allowed herself a respite, of not having to be brave. In the end everyone agreed that her mum couldn't know; Jackie would have found a way to stop Rose from ever using the dimension cannon again, come hell or high water but her inability to age made her unfortunately the perfect and only candidate for the travel.

The project was paused for three days, while the scientists worked tirelessly to modify her watch and the dimension cannon, hoping to build in at least one failsafe. Unfortunately, they were unable to find one but one of the scientists asked Rose to research for them in the other dimensions she landed in, in the hope that they may have alternative theories and ideas that could aid them both with modifications and accuracy.

* * *

Over time and during her travels, Rose started to understand more and more about dimensions, about physics, black holes and stars. She started to understand that she couldn't leave a universe until the walls started thinning. Once the wall between the dimensions started to wear down under the pressure, the stars would start to go out. Once that happened, she had only a few hours left before the dimension cannon was able to recall her. And her death and immediate resurrection would inevitably, forcibly change the timelines and with the new pressure, jump-start the thinning of the walls, allowing for an earlier return. The dimension cannon effectively had no way of communicating with the watch until the walls started to thin enough for them to connect. That was also the reason why she couldn't travel into other universes from her current one or be recalled earlier.

But slowly Rose learned to use the time effectively. They had no time at home to research; but she had all the time in the world. She learned to take the identity of dead people and slipped into various professions in an attempt to sustain herself with nothing else to use. She had become a police officer out of part-boredom and partly due to a craving for some adventure – or, as the Doctor would have called it, jeopardy-friendliness – and then a mortician at St. Bart's morgue, hoping to somehow discover how she was different from everyone else; other times she took less glamorous jobs and focused on research – secretary, bakery assistant, assistant teacher… and yeah, okay, so she'd mainly become an assistant teacher to prove to herself – and the Doctor – that she could.

Sometimes she met aliens, both friendly and not and sometimes she died. Other times she blew her cover and had to run and hide, living on the street and in homeless shelters in an attempt to escape attention and evade authorities. Occasionally she met people she'd heard of or read about but every travel to a new dimension became a new adventure, a new experience, something to help her grow and help her learn.

Rose met the weeping angels who sent her back to 1960's and learned that no, unfortunately it is not possible to die from boredom; car accidents, however, can kill and be surprisingly painful. Universes she was only in for a short time anyway, she used as practice to learn more about what she could do with her control over time.

The legend of Bad Wolf spread like wildfire through most of the universes she lived in, legends of a new goddess that had appeared out of nowhere. Few had any accurate images of her, most only seeing the name appear and making up their own stories to explain what they couldn't understand, forming religions around her.

She made do and learned to enjoy her lives, having little choice other than to accept her situation as best as she could. She made new friends and it hurt, having to leave them behind, but Rose had tried – and failed, spectacularly so – at isolating herself. It wasn't in her nature and she didn't want it. In the end, it was worth it; she'd rather accept all the pain in the world if it meant she had friends in the meantime to help her through.

But then, shortly before she found the right dimension, she landed in a world which had no UK, a world where aliens had long since usurped humanity and taken over.

* * *

_"__Up for an adventure?"_

_It had only been a few weeks since Mickey had elected to stay behind in another dimension and her Doctor had been treading on eggshells around her, following her every whim and landing her in the most boring place, not a single adventure or life threatening situation in sight._

_Rose had moaned about this to Sarah Jane, the only person who could understand what she meant – her mother was more likely to skin the Doctor for ever letting her get in danger in the first place – who had laughed, loudly, at her predicament, before teasing her. Sarah Jane and her had become good friends – both understood the Doctor better than most people, both had a love, a thirst for adventure and Sarah Jane had seen what Rose had done to herself while waiting for her Doctor._

_Despite the difference in age, they were kindred spirits and understood each other, especially when it came to travelling. _

_When the Doctor finally asked her, she was torn between hitting him and jumping for joy._

_"__God, yes! Please! If we land in one more spa I won't be held responsible if I happen to invite mum along on our next trip; after all, it's so very safe isn't it?"_

_As predicted, her Doctor shuddered and his lips twisted downwards – she knew that he loved her mum, just as much as Jackie loved him, even if both would rather die than admit to it – but it was still fun to see how much he hated seeing her for prolonged periods of time. Rose still didn't quite know what happened at Christmas or why her Doctor now insisted on a monthly visit to her mum, though she had taken to teasing him about it being 'that time of the month' which, inevitably, left them both grinning and teasing each other like fools – or, well, the very best of friends._

_Finally, he grinned, hand held out towards her enticingly, fingers wriggling. She laughed and intertwined their hands, following him as he led her out of the Tardis and onto a new planet._

_"__Well, I've always been curious about what happened here. These people are called Abalons, they look sort of Time Lord – or human-like – except they're a bit blue," she laughed, seeing one of the aforementioned Abalons walk past her and realizing that they were, rather literally, blue._

_"__So, what happened? Rebellion, a coup? Invasion? What?"_

_She poked him, and her Doctor grinned, his hand messing with his hair – which he thought made him look sexy and she frequently asserted made him look like a mad scientist; a very sexy mad scientist, but she always kept that second part quiet – before his smile turned into a frown and he admitted, "Well, that's the mystery of the millennium – Ooh, Millennium mystery mysteriously made… mmhhh… need another m-word…"_

_The blonde rolled her eyes, absently noting that the Abalons kept staring at them, before trying to get her Doctor back on track and find out what he had been trying to say before he got distracted by one of his favourites – alliteration. _

_"__You were saying something about a mystery, Doctor?"_

_"__Hm? Oh, yeah, mystery. Right," he squeezed her hand before waving his other around them, making her eyes follow him, trying to discern what he was pointing out to her._

_"__Well, what do you see?"_

_Grinning slightly – of course, the Doctor always had to be clever and show off – she teased him, "You think you're so impressive!"_

_"__Oy! I _am_ so impressive! … Now, the real question is," he gave her a sultry grin, brown eyes glinting with excitement in a way that always made her heart skip a beat, "are you, Dame Rose?"_

_Her eyes narrowed at his challenge and for the first time, she took a closer look at the planet. Purple grass, paths made of stones, and blue aliens with webbed feet and fingers. Clothing varied from very few to a lot; there seemed to be no societal rules in place in that regard because no one took a second look at the ones who were mostly naked nor at the ones who were dressed for the deepest winter. Their feet were webbed as were their hands and there seemed to always be water – be it the stream at the side of the path or the fountain in the middle of the square. But, upon a second glance around, she finally noticed what he meant – though by that time, she was starting to get nervous of the glances she and the Doctor received as well as the excited chatter that had started up. Noticing that he had tensed but made no move otherwise, Rose allowed herself to relax, tongue teasingly poking out between her lips in a move that never failed to divert her Doctor's attention, before speaking up._

_"__Well, for all the people here, you can't hear or see a single child or baby."_

_His face lit up as it always did when she played his game and picked up on the clues he wanted her to – or on new ones he hadn't noticed._

_"__Brilliant! You, Dame Rose, are mighty impressive," the next moment his face fell into a mask of disgust. "Urgh – mighty, never saying that again!"_

_Rose laughed, bumping her shoulder against his, before suggesting, "What about 'Mighty Mickey Mouse'?" The moment he paused to actually think over her joking suggestion, Rose laughed out loud, amber eyes sparkling only slowly reduced to sniggering when the Doctor started pouting._

_"__So, c'mmon, my mightily impressive Sir Doctor, where are the kids?"_

_Having refound his cheer at being able to impress her, he adjusted his tie, winking at her confidently._

_"__Well, that's the mystery, isn't it? Abalonians just disappeared, died out as far as history is concerned… but why? They are perfectly capable of reproduction but there are no children anywhere? Are they stolen? Or is something else here?"_

_Rose pouted. _

_"__What, that's the big mystery? That doesn't sound dangerous! Or life threatening… I was hoping for something with a bit more… jeopardy."_

_He snorted, "I bet you were, never met someone as jeopardy-friendly as you." _

_For a short moment, she thought it was almost cruel, but when she looked up, he looked more fondly exasperated than anything and the affection shining in his eyes was enough to make her blush and look away._

_He sighed, rubbing the back of his head slightly, before explaining why he'd taken them here._

_"__I just thought, with Mickey… Well, I thought maybe a slow start?"_

_In that moment, Rose finally understood. Her Doctor didn't know how to help her, how to help her over never seeing a friend she'd had since childhood, an ex-boyfriend, again. It was obvious now that she thought about it; he had seen her cry and mourn and fight with her mum about Mickey's decision, but he didn't know how to make it better – and that's what he needed to do, as far as he was concerned. He always had to make it better; he didn't understand that simply being with him, having his support, helped more than anything. Remembering a time not too long ago, when he'd fetched her flowers and chocolate because of what he'd heard or read she should be wanting, Rose suddenly realised where this idea of spa planets and non-adventurous excursions was coming from._

_Pulling her hand out of his, she came to a stop, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Bewildered, the Doctor turned around and looked at her which nearly made her laugh again._

_"__C'mmon, gimme."_

_Eyebrows furrowed, looking truly puzzled for all his intellect, the Doctor came closer to her, "give you what?"_

_Rose rolled her eyes, stretched her hands out and shook her head slightly._

_"__Come now, I know you have a book or magazine hidden somewhere in those pockets of yours that told you it was a good idea to stop the adventuring and go to one spa after another-"_

_"__Well, you didn't seem to like the first one, so-" he defended, now looking flustered._

_Rose barely suppressed a grin. If she started smiling now, she'd never get to see whatever book or magazine he'd gleaned that advice from and she was really, really curious to see which magazine he'd read._

_"__Sarah Jane," he finally admitted, avoiding eye contact._

_Rose's eyes widened and she stared at him blankly for a moment, remembering the many moments where she'd complained to Sarah Jane about the lack of danger, and only now realizing just how well they'd both been played. Revenge, she suspected at the Doctor for Aberdeen and at her for dropping off Mickey unannounced and only keeping in touch afterwards. Then she burst into laughter, leaning against the Doctor for support._

_"__Oh, very well played," Rose finally said, once she'd stopped laughing, her hand automatically grasping and intertwining with the Doctor's, "I kept complaining to her about the lack of adventure and all this time, she was playing us both. Clever! Oh Doctor, I _really_ like her! It's a shame she didn't want to travel with us…"_

_He clicked his tongue in realization at what Sarah-Jane had done before chuckling lightly. Rose pulled him along, intent on getting to the temple at the centre of the city, curious to see what was inside. _

_"__So, we're agreed then? Back to running for our lives after this?"_

_Her Doctor grinned mischievously, "Well, we could always leave the running to other people… you are too jeopardy-friendly already."_

_"__Who? Me? Well, tell you what, if we manage this entire mystery without being in danger even once, I'll let you pick our next destination again and I'll go along without moaning once, even if it is another boring, non-adventurous place."_

_Truth be told, Rose had to admit that even though she missed the adventure and the running, the excitement and the adrenaline rush – not to mention the post-adventure hugs – she did still enjoy seeing new planets, new civilizations and learning about them, even without the danger involved. But there was no way she was admitting to that._

_"__Deal!"_

_Grinning widely at one another, they made their way up to the temple. Almost automatically the two separated, with Rose looking at the left side of the temple and the Doctor inspecting the right side._

_A moment later she heard him draw in a sharp breath and a murmured "Uh-oh." By the time she turned around, he was already at her side, her hand securely in his – but not intertwined, rather just holding her firmly; the same grip he always had when they needed to run._

_"__Danger?" She teased, tongue poking out, even though her entire body was tensed and ready to run at moment's notice. _

_"__Yep, let's- oh, that's not good, that's really, really not good…" _

_Curious, she followed his gaze and her eyes widened upon seeing the large congregation just outside the temple doors, awaiting them. The Doctor in the meantime was absently using his right hand to brush through his hair, attempting to think of another way out, despite the fact that the temple was on a manmade hill with only one way in and out – the way they had come in and the way the crowd lay._

_Finally, determined, he grabbed her hand and pulled her out, keeping her behind him, before giving the people around his best smile. _

_"__Ha, well, what do you know. Got lost on the way to the Nyyrvn galaxy- should've taken a left and took a right instead. Well, we'll just be on our way then!"_

_Of course this sort of diversion almost never worked and, as predicted, their ranks closed around them. Then, to Rose's surprise, they all sank into a bow before them. The Doctor grimaced and rubbed his eyes, but didn't stop the elderly man coming up to her, watching on as he called her a goddess._

_The blonde flushed, now recognising the admiration in everyone's eyes, stepping instinctively closer to the Doctor. _

_"__Doctor…?"_

_"__Well," he explained, tone reluctant as if she was dragging the words out of him, "they have a prophecy about a fair-skinned woman with golden hair and-"_

_"__A celebration in her honour!" the old man shouted, interrupting the Doctor and causing the crowd to roar up in a massive cheer. Rose, flushed and eyes sparkling, was pulled away by one of the women to "get ready," before the Doctor could interfere._

_"__C'mmon, you always have all the fun! A party for me! How often does that happen?"_

_"__NO! Rose, this isn't- They aren't-"_

_The blonde didn't hear but simply waved, a bright grin on her face before chattering happily away to the blue women who were now taking her towards the palace. Grumbling to himself, the Doctor turned back around, returning to the temple to study their prophecy in an attempt to figure out how to save his companion who had, once again, run away without listening to him._

_He really should think about picking more obedient companions; his life would be so much easier. His lips twitched involuntarily, as he admitted silently to himself, that it would also be so much duller._

* * *

_They had put her in a dark purple top which left her stomach bare and a long, dark purple skirt which, as it was only made of one, thin, layer, fluttered easily around her._

_She smiled widely at the other woman around her, refusing to show her continued surprise at their behaviour. They hadn't known what she talked about when she had teased them about the butt of the man guarding them – so she had tried other body parts, thinking maybe it was just cultural difference or conservatism. Except they hadn't so much as blushed but rather continued to look at her, truly befuddled, when she tried to expand on her earlier statement – to the point where Rose started to blush with embarrassment, realising just how odd she must sound to them._

_Finally, they led her away to the big hall she'd first arrived in, which was now brightly decorated. It was kind of fun to be at the head of the table and treated with such reverence; it was like another part her and the Doctor were playing. Come to think of it – where was he? She'd presumed that he was being dressed as she was, but he was nowhere to be seen; and, among a race of blue people, he would have been remarkably easy to spot._

_"__My companion," she started in a whisper, to the woman next to her, "where is he?"_

_The woman shook her head, her eyes steadfast on the old man who had first called her a goddess._

_"__Let the feast begin – the feast in honour of our goddess, who has come to save us all."_

_Rose barely heard his words, her ears long since attuned to hearing one man even among this crowd – and that's exactly the voice she heard, just beyond the door. A moment later, both doors flew open, bouncing off the wall with a loud crash that held everyone's attention – and through them strode, confidently, her Doctor, his beloved jacket billowing around him._

_"__Your goddess is my WIFE! Now let me in!"_

_Rose, who had just taken a sip of the delicious red wine they had poured her, startled and only barely managed to swallow the liquid, coughing loudly before regaining her composure. She had long since learned to go along with whatever harebrained scheme the Doctor had concocted at that moment, and it wasn't the first time she'd been his 'wife'. _

_"__Ah, my darling," Rose said in affected higher class accent which only had the Doctor shaking his head mildly, clearly asking her not to continue mangling accents. She almost pouted, but instead stood up and walked towards him, easily hooking her arm through his. _

_"__There you are, dear. We were about to start the festivities without you."_

_The Doctor shook his head._

_"__Well, we're married, as you can see," he said, patting her hand in the crook of his elbow, "so, I'm afraid we need to leave."_

_The old man stood up again._

_"__We will have a wedding ceremony arranged for tomorrow afternoon."_

_The Doctor frowned. "She's my wife- we're already married."_

_There was a steely glint in the old man's eyes as he stepped forward._

_"__And it would be an _honour_ for the goddess to be married according to our traditions," he asserted firmly, "unless there is a reason not to undergo a second wedding ceremony?"_

_She could feel the moment he changed, the moment every muscle in her Doctor's body tensed and the darkness came closer to the surface, his glare causing several people to instinctively step away. Smiling widely, she stepped slightly in front of her Doctor, knowing he'd let her take the lead, trusting her judgment even if he didn't know what her plan was._

_"__Now, now, my honeybear here," she crooned, just barely suppressing her grin, loving the ability to call him ridiculous nicknames every chance she got, "and I, we would be delighted to have a second ceremony, wouldn't we?"_

_"__Yes," she could hear the forced nature of the words as he pressed them out through tightly gritted teeth, "we would."_

_The old man relaxed as did everyone else. On their way to the head of the table, she quickly whispered to the Doctor, asking if running after dinner was okay or if they needed to make a dash for it now._

_"__After dinner, though we might not make it until after the wedding..." His voice was curt but Rose knew it wasn't due to temper, rather it was focus. He was currently calculating and analysing every route, every risk, his mind far away as he mechanically ate._

_Wondering silently why they had to run – and why he had pretended to be her husband – Rose settled down at the head of the table, eyes automatically scanning the crowd and looking for any signs of why they were running._

_By the end of the night, she still hadn't found anything and had only become more exhausted as the evening progressed. Finally, they were allowed to retire and shown to their chambers – two floors up and at the back of the castle._

_"__Oh, this isn't good." Her Doctor's voice reached her the moment the door closed behind the guard she had practically lead out of the room; everyone seemed suspicious of her Doctor's intentions and loathed to leave her alone with him. "This is really, really not good."_

_Coming to the window beside him, Rose realised what he was talking about. They were in a large tower and, as everything in this city, there was water just below – but not a river or anything deep, rather a small stream. The walls of the castle were flat and didn't lend themselves to climbing not to mention that there were iron bars in front of their window – thin and beautifully decorated, to be sure, but still iron bars which didn't allow them any easy way of escaping._

_"__Well, my hair's not long enough for that climb, Doctor," Rose joked and elicited the desired reaction from him; a smile. _

_"__C'mmon," she continued, encouraged, "all we have to do is say yes and we're free to run."_

_"__I wouldn't be so sure about that," he prophesised darkly and Rose sighed, not sure how to cheer him up._

_"__So, what do they want anyway?"_

_"__Does it matter?" He asked rhetorically, screwdriver between his teeth as he tapped the various walls, listening intently to the sounds, before scanning the bars again and the frame around it, looking for a way out._

_"__Sure," Rose said, shrugging lightly as she hopped on top of the bed. "Maybe we can just find a way to give them what they want-"_

_She stopped abruptly, the Doctor in front of her, face set in a dark frown, brown eyes fathomless and only showing cold, unforgiving fury, his entire frame tense, every muscle ready for a fight. _

_"__No. I won't allow it – I won't let them. Never, Rose, do you understand? Never!"_

_Temporarily speechless, she stared at him; he was clearly enraged and passionate and obviously looking for an answer from her. She'd never been frightened of him; not in the throes of nightmares and not now, when she was the only one who could be the potential recipient of his anger._

_"__Okay," she soothed, "I understand. We won't give in."_

_He searched her eyes for another moment, looking for the support and acknowledgment she'd given him verbally, before turning back to searching the room, body still tense, like a tightly wound spring ready to snap._

_Rose sighed. There was no way he would be coming to bed any time soon. She knew this facet of him too well – he needed time to himself, time to brood and think and stew before he'd be able to relax. If she interfered, he'd just bury it inside and inevitably would be winding up the locals tomorrow – which never ended up well. Alone to bed it was._

_Suppressing another sigh, realising she still didn't even know why they were getting married – or running – Rose made her way to the bathroom to get clean and comfortable before going to sleep. Her mind still kept trying to get onto the very, very dangerous thought of marrying the man she loved, but she knew that if she allowed her feelings to get away, tomorrow would be incredibly painful. It would just have to be another charade, another part they played – something they said, but didn't mean. It would be alright, Rose reassured herself, refusing to allow any other thoughts to surface._

* * *

**_TO BE CONTINUED..._**

The flashback will, of course, continue in the next chapter. I didn't realise it would take this long to write that flashback out! Phew! Sorry, had to split it and I thought this was the perfect moment! Wonder if anyone can guess how Rose is meant to save them. Left a couple of clues – and don't worry, I'll make sure to leave you in tears (from laughter) once you find out! Well, hopefully anyway.

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**Bad Wolf Jen **

Yay – thanks for both reviews. I'm always glad to have someone new on board. I'm glad you're enjoying it and I do hope you'll continue reading – and reviewing. Have fun!

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**MuppetKatie **

Yay, I'm glad you enjoyed the flashback. I really liked the dynamic between the three, but wasn't sure how well I'd be able to portray Jack and I wanted to do him justice so I ended up cutting it short. I hope you enjoyed the explanation about the dimension cannon in this chapter. If it doesn't make sense, let me know.

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**Cecilehem**

Naughty! Skipping to the end and reading my response first! Yep, I can well believe that would be somewhat confusing. I'm so glad you enjoyed the flashback. I'm always worried about getting the characters too much ... well, out of character. I do enjoy describing it and I'm glad you're saying it was good enough to actually picture it! Thanks so much – that's a great compliment :) Sorry, took a bit longer but in my defence, I was ready to put my foot through my laptop after it kept crashing for four days in a row – thank my beta for cheering me up enough to look up another solution :) Yep, got impatient again. I was originally going to describe the scene with the angels in detail and landing in the past; in the end, I just wanted to skip ahead and thought it doesn't deserve that big a mention. Countdown – one more chapter, then the reunion with the Doctor. Well, first Donna then the Doctor, but close enough, eh? Kidding! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this latest chapter – would love to hear your thoughts on what you think may be the reason for the Doctor wanting to run... :)

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**Darkwolfberlin**

Yay, thanks for your comment. Du kannst mir auch gern auf Deutsch schreiben. Meine Muttersprache ist deutsch und wenn es fuer dich einfacher ist, habe ich damit kein Problem! Just in case you don't speak German, I'll put my response in English. I'm afraid I've never watched the series Torchwood, so all I know about Gwen is that short snipped in DW. Jimmy Stone will not be making an appearance, I'm afraid, other than in retrospective mention by Rose or other people, but brilliant idea :) I have to say, I also didn't like how Martha threw herself at the Doctor all the time. She will be dealt with, but by the end, she'll be on Rose's side (you'll see in much, much later chapters). I can't comment on the Dalek – I'd be giving away valuable plot. All I can say, is that's all will be as it must. I have thought about it and I know there's a demand for it, but I don't think I'll ever write Doctor/Rose sex explicitly; I can't. I also don't think and don't want them to have had intercourse before. There's too much unsaid, too much between them for that to just have taken place. Nah – well, not yet. I do like Susan but I have to confess, I don't remember any of the earlier episodes. Actually, I haven't watched most of them, which is a shame. You have some brilliant ideas. I know Jenny will be part of my story, but I am not sure yet how much she will actually feature. The Triple helix was one of the early concepts in Doctor Who, a prominent theory before anything had actually been confirmed. The idea was that the triple helix was there due to the time travel, i.e. because you travelled back in your own timeline, you had this third strand. A quadruple one would unfortunately not make much sense given that background, but I will tell you that Rose is definitely not pure human anymore... Time will tell the rest :) I do hope you'll continue to review and, as I said, du kannst mir auch gern auf Deutsch deine Kommentare schicken falls dir das leichter faellt. Thanks again!

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**Kylaia78**

Yay, thanks for the review. I do hope to get another chapter out this week. I'm so glad you're enjoying it and I would love to hear more from you. So glad you're enjoying Rose's character; I think she's brilliant too! Hope to hear from you again!

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**eleanoralovesananias**

Oh wow! Thank you so very much! I do hope you didn't actually die and that this qualifies as soon :) I'm flattered to see that you are in love with my story – very flattered, actually. And I'm so glad you think I developed Rose's character further beyond the series rather than just making her OOC! The Doctor will be okay, eventually, he'll have Rose, after all, how could he not be? But there will be hard times, unfortunately. And I thank you for reviewing. It really is a pleasure to write for readers/reviewers like you and so very encouraging. I'll have another chapter out later this week, I hope, so you won't have to wait too long. But I'd love to hear your thoughts again and to know whether you enjoyed the latest chapter.

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**SusantheRedhead**

Yay, you didn't have to wait too long, I hope! Thanks for the review! Let me know what you think of the latest chapter.

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**AppleGrass15 **

Thanks for the lovely and long review! Long reviews are the best! Thank you!

Ha! And you thought my last cliffhanger was cruel. Well, what do you think of this one ;) Yay, I'm glad you thought I portrayed Jack and Rose's relationship well. I'm never sure if I'll be able to do the character justice, especially if they only appear in a few episodes, so everyone has their own take of the 'true character'. So yay, thanks! Lol, I know what you mean. I read reviews, like yours, with you mentioning your sister looking at you oddly when you get excited and laugh out loud – which makes my partner inevitably give me weird side-glances! So definitely know what you mean. Of course Rose gets back to the Doctor but probably not as quickly as you imagined. I realise that doesn't make much sense, but in 2-3 chapters, it will – and you'll probably be just about ready to bash my head in, but hey :) The Tardis and Rose will definitely always be close; I think their relationship will always be pitched between maternal and sisterly, at times one more than the other. Anyway, I'd love to have another long review from you and I'd love to hear your thoughts on my cliffhanger *evil laugh*

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**The Clever Doctor **

Yay, thank you so much for saying that! I do love Nine and Rose (and Ten/Rose and Eleven/Rose and any Doctor/Rose, to be honest). We'll see things from the Doctor's perspective as well in a bit. Not the next chapter, but I think the one after. Maybe next if the word count's not high enough (which, at the moment, I doubt will happen, but who knows *lol*, Who indeed?) Eleven and Rose are a good couple, I think and it should be fun. I hope you liked the flashback where she told ten he looked good with a bowtie :) I wanted her to be the inspiration for the reincarnation as much as the first one – you'll see later more in how. Would love to hear your thoughts on when her and the Doctor should meet – where in the story arch. It has to be before he marries River. And I probably just gave away more than I should've, so sssh! Yay, I'm glad you enjoyed the part where she destroyed her own connections to her memories. I thought it was rather significant in showing just how far she's willing to go and it was so much fun – if very emotional – writing that part. Yay, Mickey was more developed after I received a review on how one-sided he was in the first chapter, so I'm always glad to hear that it worked out well! I would really love to have another review from you and hear your thoughts – feel free to PM me anytime as well.

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**SassyFrassKerr**

That was cool timing with your review – anyway, thanks for your review on this chapter as well. Do love Ice Age – first one especially, though I have to say this is one of the few where all the sequels are pretty good! Yeah, I agree. I think Jack was a brilliant edition to the team. Would have loved to have the ninth Doctor for longer, but having heard why he resigned and how anyone not main-cast was treated, I can understand and even applaud his decision. But yeah, I loved them too. Yay, glad you liked the cover story. It just occurred to me as I was writing it, so I'm glad you enjoyed it. Anyway, hope you enjoy the latest chapter as well. Please review again! Thank you!

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**hervampricfacade **

Lol! I'll honestly admit this is the first time that it's been phrased quite this way. Thank you! I do hope you enjoy the new chapter and it provides adequate nourishment. Please leave me another review, I'm always happy to know that people are still reading.

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**mouse mirage**

Hi! Thank you so much for your review! I'm glad you're enjoying the fanfic and I do hope the new chapter lived up to your expectations! I would love to have another review from you on this chapter! Thank you :)


	9. Let me be your light

A/N:

Timelines issue from the last chapter – a query was raised and I just wanted to explain it. Basically, Rose's timeline is meant to be cut off when she dies; except it can't be. That very fact would normally bring in reapers – like for her Dad – when she is saved, except she isn't meant to die and not part of that universe's time stream. However, her survival and subsequent actions, which are often set the moment she came back to life, reset all future timelines. Hope, instead of dying, lived and travelled and found the Judoon, putting Earth under the protection of the Shadow Proclamation. Many others were affected by these changes – living instead of dying, having children and a normal life now that Earth is free etc. Basically, she changed every single thing in that universe by not doing, that's what I meant by the ripple and by timelines rewriting themselves, potential futures disappearing and new ones taking their place. I hope that clarifies it – but if not, feel free to PM me :)

**Congratulations **to **SassyFrassKerr,** the only person to correctly guess the content of the prophecy.

**Thank you** to my wonderful beta reader, **Don't-blink-doctor-rose**, who is amazing and whom I have not yet given a chance to review this chapter - so all spelling mistakes are my own! And a great big, thank you also goes out **The Clever Doctor**, who was invaluable help in planning the next chapter and the end-reunion episode, so big, big thank you to you for your hard work, your quick responses and your advice on this chapter. Thanks!

Anyway, I know I said in the next chapter Rose would meet the Doctor but.. well, I started out this chapter by thinking I'd use that night as a quick lead-in. That quick lead-in turned into 7.5k words and I hadn't done anything I'd intended to for the plot of the flashback. I never intended for everything to turn out as it did, except the very end, so yeah. Nearly 14k of emotional ups and downs – happy moments, sad moments, funny moments, romantic ones and everything in between. Sorry guys, I do hope you'll enjoy it but I've just put off the current meetup with the Doctor off for another chapter.

Anyway – enjoy, a full chapter of flashback! This is dedicated to all my reviewers and beta reader - your responses are at the bottom.

_Cursive writing – flashback_

**_"_****_Bold, cursive speech" – Speaking Gallifreyan_**

* * *

_Any _non-cursive text_ is that way for emphasis._

_When Rose woke up, it was still the middle of the night. It took a moment before she realised what had woken her; the Doctor had finally given up on resonating concrete - no doubt muttering the entire time about adjustments he needed to make to his sonic screwdriver – and lain down next to her. He was lying sideways, facing her, one hand absentmindedly playing with her hair._

_Now, Rose loved contact and she loved those nights the Doctor came to sleep or read in her bed, but she really hated nights like these, because no matter how careful he was, he inevitably always woke her up. His anxiousness was almost something she could physically touch, visibly in the air, and, inevitably, it always woke her up and then she'd be unable to go back to sleep until they resolved whatever it was that was bothering him. And Rose hated that; she wasn't a good listener in the middle of the night – too irritated and cranky and her grip on her emotions was tenuous at best when she'd just awoken. _

_Stomping down on her irritation and the sigh she wanted to give, the blonde tried to gather her thoughts as best as she could._

_"__Doctor...?"_

_Brown eyes blinked once, twice, before a slow smile spread across his face; he always moaned about how humans slept their life away, so anytime she was awake was automatically good. Rose was tempted to show him just how good she felt having had only four hours of sleep, but swallowed down her growing anger._

_"__You're awake! ... Why are you awake? You normally sleep for at least another 3.28 hours before waking up."_

_There was simply no use in telling him he'd been the one to wake her up; she knew from experience, because she'd tried too many times before. With a deep sigh, Rose finally gave up on sleeping again that night, sitting up in bed, and forcing her breathing into an even pattern and allowing her anger to dissipate slowly. Once she could breathe without strangling the man next to her, she turned to him._

_He was still lying on his side, head curiously tilted as he undoubtedly analysed her movement and every breath she took for clues. A quick sideways glance showed that his jacket, tie and shoes were neatly folded in the corner. The top two buttons of his shirt had been undone, a small concession he'd made for comfort, and Rose found herself relaxing again slightly. It was the first time in a long time that he had actually consciously taken off what she'd dubbed his 'armour' and allowed himself to relax in her presence. It was funny, mere moments before she'd been incredibly annoyed but now she was well on her way to forgiving him everything._

_Chuckling slightly, Rose slid back down on the bed, mirroring his pose so they were both facing each other._

_"__Don't worry about it. I take it that resonating concrete is still not working for you?"_

_He pouted, drawing a quiet laugh from her. The brown eyes immediately softened, his shoulders relaxed and, almost automatically, he started playing with the blonde strands of her hair in his reach._

_"__Yeah, I need to work on that," he admitted, lips twitching, knowing as well as she did that it wasn't a feature even he was capable of incorporating into the sonic. Finally, he paused, eyes serious as he looked at her, and Rose unconsciously found herself holding her breath, knowing that whatever he said next; it would be bad news. _

_"__I'm sorry."_

_She frowned almost automatically, her mind racing, trying to figure out what it was he could be apologising for._

_"__This is... uh... an important thing for you, isn't it?"_

_He looked nervous, looking like he wanted to start playing with a tie he wasn't wearing – something that almost made her smile, before his meaning finally dawned on her._

_"__Oh, I don't believe you!"_

_Rose hit his arm, annoyed – this was what he woke her up for? This was the bad news?_

_"__Really? This?"_

_The Doctor who'd been rubbing his arm, an expression of wounded pride on his face, now looked genuinely surprised._

_"__But- I- I thought this was something important for women."_

_Well, Rose thought wryly, at least he thinks of me as a woman not a girl. Sighing in genuine annoyance, even though she knew that he wouldn't know what she was thinking unless she verbalised it, the blonde pinched the bridge of her nose. _

_"__Of course it is, but not here, not now. It's-" Rose paused, floundering, wondering how to explain the feelings inside her._

* * *

_It hadn't occurred to him at first, until he'd thought about Jackie and what she'd say – well, what she'd say after slapping him into his next regeneration and then he'd remembered just how important a wedding was meant to be to women, both the daughter and the mother. If he remembered correctly, it was meant to be a bonding experience. That was why he'd stopped pacing and calculating. He'd already acknowledged over an hour ago that there was no way out of this, that they would have to go along with the wedding, but now, realising that Rose, once again, hadn't raised a fuss, hadn't made him feel guilty even though she had every right to, but rather had simply accepted it, had accepted his need for solitude and his need to attempt to find another way out – any way out – before accepting the inevitable and simply let him be, he couldn't just continue. Even though she still didn't know why he'd pretended to be married to her, why he was so adamant in finding a way out rather than just acknowledging that they weren't married, she simply trusted him and accepted it, when everyone else would've long since started fighting._

_Sighing in defeat, he gave in. Rose didn't deserve this; but more than that, she definitely didn't deserve to spend the night before her wedding scared and alone in bed. Taking off his shoes, his tie and his jacket, he could almost feel himself breathe easier, his hearts beating rapidly as he finally picked up on the soft scent of honey intermingled with that unique smell of Rose that lingered in the air around him._

_His eyes drifted to her without any thought on his own, as he slowly unbuttoned the top button of his shirt. She was so beautiful lying spread out on the bed, unpretentious and honest in a way few women were. Everything about her was so quintessentially Rose that, even when she wore makeup and was dressed up, even when they were pretending to be someone else, everything she was, always shone through. She never hid herself, never pretended to be something she wasn't and challenged him when she thought he wasn't making the right call. It was as though someone had taken everything he had ever wanted and added everything he needed but had didn't dare dwell on and there she was. Perfect._

_He'd had so many companions but he'd never dared – nor wanted – to take the liberties he took with _her._ Sleeping in their bed with them would've been unthinkable – especially for as frivolous a reason as this one; because he thought she wanted or needed him. Sometimes he admitted to himself that it was less a matter of her needing him, but rather him needing her, wanting to surround himself with her, day and night. She kept his demons at bay, reminded him not of what he'd done but of who he wanted to be, for her and for himself; she was his saving grace, his everything. When he couldn't live with himself, when he couldn't forgive himself, all he needed to do was look at her and remember that no matter what, there was one human in the entire universe that knew the most horrendous thing he'd ever done and still forgave him. He wanted to bury himself inside everything that was so quintessentially her, wanted to surround himself with her, day and night; and she allowed it, - no, not only did she allow it, she welcomed it, welcomed him._

_He was so used to everything he wanted, craved, being denied, but here she was, always welcoming him into her life, into her arms, no matter what he'd done, what time of day or night it was, always there for him. And it looked as though now he was about to deprive her of what he knew was an important dream most women had; it wasn't fair and yet she still hadn't accused him of anything. The least he could do for her, was to be there, give her comfort and someone to rant at, should she need it. _

_He smiled slightly, knowing by now that Rose thought she wasn't pretty, that she needed to put makeup on to feel confident and yet he knew without a doubt that in moments like this one, without her makeup on, hair damp and tangled all around her like a golden halo, she was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen. _

_Still, unable to help himself, his thoughts wandered, trying to envision the kind of wedding a younger Rose would have dreamt up and what kind of wedding she'd imagined for herself when she'd been with Mickey compared to now. He didn't know; all he knew was that once again he was taking something from her that couldn't be undone and once again she was giving it to him, without a single complaint or any anger at him. _

_It took a moment to realise that the blonde woman in front of him was now awake – well, sort of awake really, given by how often she blinked and how relaxed her body still was._

_Rose's warm hand slipped into his and she pulled him up, out of bed and alongside her by the window. He found himself following her lead, as he so often did, curious as to what she was going to say this time._

_"__Remember, on our first adventure, we were on a spaceship and watched my planet burn? Then we went down to Earth, in my time, and we had chips."_

_Of course he remembered; remembered how he had once again drifted, remembering screams and pain, the smell of burning and the endless chorus of Exterminate – and then suddenly she'd brought him back; her touch, her words an anchor that made his hearts skip and burn with relief. He hadn't found a single remedy, a single way of finding his way back once he got lost in his memories, yet she had suddenly provided him with one and he'd been so glad, so endlessly glad that she had been the one he'd come back for, that he'd offered her a second chance when he never had done so for anyone else. And the wonder he'd felt, the surprise, when she'd told him they'd be getting chips before she'd let him take her away into the blue box again, instead of running away from the danger, as she had every right to._

_"__That was our first date," he found himself saying. And it was, in his head, in his hearts, and yet, technically, they weren't dating, they certainly weren't lovers and yet she was the closest person to him in all of his lives, the one person he trusted above all else, including himself. And to him, despite everything, it was a date. It had been at that time, even when he hadn't been able to believe that this woman could possibly be even remotely interested in him, and definitely now, when she had remained with him, even through regeneration. Rose's lips quirked up in response, but she didn't deny his words, she never did._

_"__Yeah, it was. Now see, since I've been with you, my favourite food has been chips. Don't get me wrong, I've always liked chips – but my favourite food when I was with Jimmy were hotdogs and with Micks it was Pizza. It's not the food that counts, it's the memories and feelings you associate with it. I love chips not because I have a craving for deep-fried potato – though they are gorgeous – it's because it reminds me of you and me; of that time just after the world ended, of all the other times we've somehow ended up getting chips even in high-class restaurants at the other side of the galaxy. So yeah," Rose smiled at him warmly, her hand intertwined with his, amber eyes flooded with memories and affection she couldn't hide – not from him. He wished, so desperately, he could make her as happy as she made him. Yet even now, even here, he couldn't give it to her, not this; he couldn't tell her his name..._

_"__I certainly wouldn't bat an eye if tomorrow I were to get married to my best friend. And I definitely won't be upset or disappointed because, in the end, it's you and me. As far as I'm concerned, everything we do, can mean as little or as much as we want it to."_

_She paused and all he could do, was keep staring at her. _

_"__Doctor," Rose was smiling warmly at him, both her hands now holding his, her amber eyes searching for his, "Trust me. It's okay. I won't be upset or resent you. I won't regret this. All we're doing is saying meaningless words said in front of people while wearing uncomfortable clothing; that's not what I think of when I think of marriage."_

_He watched her, as her amber eyes drifted, looking up at the stars for a moment before finding his again._

_"__Being married...," he prayed she never found out just how distracting he found her in moments like this, her teeth worrying her bottom lip, her forehead drawn into a slight frown as she contemplated the best way of describing her feelings. "Being married," she finally continued, "isn't one moment like that – being married is a commitment between two people, a commitment to each other, to help each other through their fears, their nightmares, their darkness, to be the one holding out a hand when there's no one else, to stand together when the entire universe is against you, to trust each other, to believe in and to support each other, no matter what. So I don't mind getting married tomorrow, a thousand times on a thousand different planets. It doesn't mean anything, do you understand? You and me, we've been through worse. Remember, ghosts in Cardiff? The Werewolf and the Queen? We'll still be the Doctor and Rose Tyler. And tomorrow, we'll say yes and then we'll run, and it'll be like any other time and we'll be off for another adventure."_

_Her smile was luminescent, and he couldn't help but respond in kind, even though his mind was racing and his hearts were pounding strongly against his chest. He knew Rose and he had no doubt that she hadn't realised, but everything she described about marriage were things she was already doing – for him. Smiling and wryly, he leant his head against her shoulder, his hands gently parting from her, curving around her lower back in a gentle half-hug instead._

_Every time he decided he needed to re-establish the distance between, every time he thought she was too close, he was too emotional, every time he thought of how difficult it was to reign in his emotions, his desires, she'd do something that made it impossible for him to be anything but close to her, she'd make his love for her rise up until he found it difficult to think of anything else but her, anything but telling her just how much he loved her._

_Her shoulder was soft and so warm against his cooler body temperature, soothing the fire raging inside him – and then he noticed it, the soft smell of honey mixed with her own was only stronger this close to her. His tongue had slipped out, moistening his lips before he was aware of where his thoughts had led him to; he knew in this regeneration his taste buds were incredibly sensitive and strong, and he knew he'd only need to lick her skin to tell the exact composition of hormones in her, to tell- he shook himself, taking another breath and forcing himself upright again, his hands sliding against her lower back, loath he was to return to only minimal contact, to only holding hands. The moment he felt her shiver, he jerked his hands back, his breathing a little bit too fast for comfort, his hearts racing. Then his eyes met hers – amber eyes, darkened ever so slightly, cheeks slightly flushed and a flash of pink as she unconsciously moistened her lips._

_"__**Arkytior**__," the name came out in a fervent whisper, voice hoarse and full of dark promise – promises, he knew he couldn't keep. Her amber eyes sought out his and after just a moment's hesitation, she replied in kind, in his tongue, as she only dared to when they were alone._

_"__**Doctor...**__"_

_The gallifreyan version of his name, from her lips, was too much and sent him spiralling. His hand was on her cheek and his lips were close enough to hers that every breath he took, it was her he breathed in. He could feel the heat of her every exhale on his lips, a pleasant tingle and yet he restrained himself, attempted, so desperately, to regain control, to not lose himself completely. Still, just as he was losing the battle, as he was about to give in, the very person who'd made him lose it in the first place also allowed him to regain his composure._

_"__**It's okay... My Doctor...**__"_

_No... No, it wasn't okay. And he wouldn't force himself on her, not like this, not here. She deserved so much more, but above all she needed to know everything. Because he couldn't – not with her; if he kissed her now, he'd want more, he'd want everything and she'd shown him just how easily he lost his control around her. He couldn't do this to her, not without her knowing everything. He almost wept as he closed himself off, shutting the doors in his mind, one by one, locking his love for her away behind so many other emotions, so many memories and thoughts, until it didn't feel so overwhelming anymore._

_Their closeness became less painful, less filled with desire and barely hidden longing and slowly, he stepped back, putting the distance between them again. He watched as Rose swallowed harshly, forced himself to watch as her eyes avoided his and she turned her face away, forcing himself to see the repercussions, to see just how much he was hurting her. _

_"__**I'm sorry...**__"_

_For the second time in a short time he was forced to apologise to her, for the pain he was causing her. His heart throbbed with near-physical pain when she turned around, a smile that was just slightly too wide and all-too-familiar on her face._

_"__**I'm alright**__," Rose's words hurt and he watched as her amber eyes darkened and her face closed itself off, slowly, as too many memories flitted by in her mind for him to follow. As she closed down, in a manner too similar to his own for him to feel truly comfortable with, hiding away the pain he'd caused her to ease his own hurt, her voice came out in a whisper he unfortunately heard only too well, a lifetime of pain carrying in a simple statement, "__**I'm always alright.**__"_

_He had taught her Gallifreyan, watching as months passed and as she slowly started to be able to speak on her own; but this – this wasn't something he'd ever wanted to hear her say, not in her own language but even less so, in his tongue. His eyes closed, a mute acknowledgment of his defeat, before he stepped closer and enveloped his companion in his arms, feeling her body only slowly relax as he spoke._

_"__**Arkytior, please don't say that**__**.**__**I am sorry, so sorry, but please don't close yourself off, not to me.**__" He knew what he was asking – he was asking for her vulnerability, when he himself hid away. He was asking a lot – too much for many people... but this was Rose, _his _Rose. He needed to see her emotions, needed to see her open, needed to know that she trusted him with everything she was, even though he hurt her, even when he did things like today. It was selfish, but he couldn't bear the thought of Rose looking the way she did now, emotions hidden and a smile too wide, a smile that didn't make his heart jump and his lips twist in kind in response. She wasn't meant to be false. Not her._

_"__**And yet, you close yourself off from me. I could see the walls going up, the shutters coming down in front of your eyes, every emotion hidden away so securely that no one but you will ever know them.**__"_

_Gallifreyan had long since lacked a lot of ways the English language had for describing emotions, but her words were eerily accurate to what he'd actually done. The Doctor flinched slightly under the her silent gaze, remaining silent, unable to explain himself, because, well, yes, that's exactly what he wanted. He couldn't help himself, watching as she read his silence to her accusation as an admittance of guilt, and knowing that she was right in doing so._

_"__**Okay.**__" Her words were quiet, but echoed in his head, his hearts beating ever faster at her simple acquiescence to his request._

_He watched as she sighed, closed her eyes and just a moment later they opened again, baring herself, all that she was, to him, again, in a measure of trust he knew he didn't deserve and that she selflessly gave to him, whenever he asked. He could see the hurt, the deep well of pain darkening her normally amber eyes until they had the rich colour of whiskey, swirling with anger and affection, sorrow and longing. _

_"__**Thank you**__," he breathed out, knowing how much it had to cost her to be so vulnerable and gently kissing her forehead, allowing his lips to linger for a moment longer than was strictly friendly, before parting from her again, reiterating his earlier "__**Thank you**__," hoping that she'd somehow understand just how much it meant to him, the same way she always figured him out – because she was Rose._

_"'__s okay, Doctor," she said, returning to the English language she was still far more familiar with, her hand seeking out his. Relieved, he sank down on the bed, next to her, pulling her closer to him. _

_"__There's something I've been meaning to teach you, something in my language. Now, normally this wasn't done on my planet," he grimaced slightly. "Emotions were not talked about, physical contact was very limited and, well, marriage was for convenience. But there was the rare case of someone finding the right person, however little that was acknowledge among society, especially the higher echelons. But, point is, sometimes, instead of marriage, they'd undergo a handfasting ceremony, similar to Earth in the obvious aspects, only being a society of telepaths, obviously some other things involved and, of course, telling your partner your true name-"_

_"__Ha! I knew Doctor wasn't your true name."_

_"__Of course not," he scoffed, "you know as well as I do it's what I want to be, what I aim to be – not necessarily who I am." Frighteningly enough, it probably was true that she knew better than anyone else just what the name Doctor meant to him. She even knew about the Master, even if he had yet to tell her the name he'd chosen._

_"__So, when someone says you true name... how does that feel?"_

_She looked genuinely curious but he could feel himself blushing and his breathing stopped for a moment, imagining her tongue wrapping itself around each syllable, her voice caressing his true name and for just a moment he was too flustered to speak._

_"__Ah, well," he finally said once he had himself under control again, clearing his throat slightly, "I- Well, I can only guess, but it's meant to be very intimate." He could see her lips curling up in a smile and found himself responding in kind, even though he knew she was amused by how flustered he was._

_"__It's well- Humans choose names they like or based on family ancestry or traditions. Time Lords have three names – the one you are given at birth, by your parents which will only ever be shared at handfasting with your wife; that name gives the other person power over you. It describes everything you were, everything you are and everything you will be. The second name is a name known to the public; my family name is Lungbarrow, technically speaking I'm part of the House of Lungbarrow, a Lord, if you will," he grimaced, "much preferred the title of being a renegade Time Lord," he admitted with a mischievous grin and a quick wink._

_"__Anyway, the other one is a name or a title you choose for yourself once you've looked in to schism. I chose the Doctor though it was only later, once I'd met the Daleks, that I started to understand what I wanted the name to mean. Koshei chose to be called the Master and, unfortunately, rather lived up to the name he's chosen."_

_"__So what, you're Lord Time Lord Lungbarrow?" Rose broke out into a giggle and he laughed lightly, feeling the tightness around his chest relax somewhat now that the pain in her eyes had faded and curiosity taken its place._

_"__Something like that," he admitted, gently pulling his companion back until she was lying on the bed again, her head bedded in his lap, amber eyes blinking up at him curiously. His hands carded through her hair, finding the action relaxing as the strands parted or curled around his hand, shimmering softly under the moonlight. Rose gave a slight satisfied hum, her mouth opening in a yawn and her eyes closing gently._

_"__Ooh, this is nice," she admitted, eyes blinking slowly as sleep started to take hold of her again. He grinned slightly. Originally, he'd almost intended to tell her just how much she meant to him, disguising it as a language lesson in a way which would be unlikely to fool even her, yet somehow they'd been diverted, again, and now the entire topic had been avoided._

_"__So what were you going to teach me earlier?"_

_... or not. _

_"__Nothing important."_

_"__Come on, all that lead in – it had to be something, right?"_

_Clicking his tongue, his brain full engaged in finding another way out, it took him a moment to respond, "Well, I was going to teach you how to say honeybear in Gallifreyan, which by the way is-"_

_"__Nuh-uh, no way. If that had been what you wanted to teach me, you wouldn't have needed that elaborate a history story. No way. And really? Honeybear? You don't have a word for describing longing, but you have a word for Honeybear?"_

_"__Well, strictly speaking we have a word for honey and one for bear."_

_"__Come on, out with it."_

_"__**Honeybear**__," he said, grinning, watching as her lips curled up in amusement._

_"__Well, __**Honeyclothless-**__" The Doctor found himself bursting into loud laughter at her mistaken pronunciation, accidentally creating a brand new word. A few moments later he explained what she'd actually said before correcting her words until she could say it flawlessly._

_"__Still never meant to learn that word... At least now I know how to say naked – or well, a stiff, formal version of it anyway," Rose grumbled amidst his chuckles, "point is, you definitely had something else you wanted to say or teach me."_

_"__Nah, nothing I can think of," he said, intentionally pulling his face into a mock-innocent expression. Rose's eyes narrowed and she scrutinised him intently, before finally shrugging._

_"__Fine. Don't tell me. One day I will find out."_

_Oh, he hoped she would, he really, really did. _

_"__I'm sure you will," he found himself saying, hoping his voice was even._

* * *

_With a resigned sigh, Rose relaxed back into his lap, enjoying his ministrations with her eyes closed and for the first time, he had a chance to actually look at her. Something had bothered him earlier, but he hadn't had time to look closer without overtly staring. Without intending to, he stopped carding through her hair, head bent over her stomach. Unfortunately, the lack of attention meant his companion opened her eyes only to find him bent over, inspecting her bare stomach._

_Rose knew what he was looking at and panic took hold; with quick move she sat up, hand desperately covering her stomach as she looked around for her own clothes._

_"__What are you doing?" Unintentionally, her voice had come out much harsher than she'd originally intended for it to. Instead of backing down, the Doctor followed her, stopping her from entering the bathroom and changing with one well-placed hand in her path._

_Rose turned around, allowing her own anger to rise up, knowing that she couldn't tell him, that it would hurt him too much and therefore also knowing that a confrontation now was inevitable._

_"_What_ is that?" He pointed to the scar hidden below the jumper she was desperately holding in front of herself. Her heart skipped a beat and her mouth went dry, when she met his eyes. The brown in his eyes had darkened so much it was nearly indistinguishable from his pupil and the anger was only barely forced into control._

_"__That is a scar – now get out of my way."_

_"__No!" Instead of a shout, he had delivered the denial in a low tone, his voice threatening and everyone else would have backed away or given in by now. But he was the Doctor and he didn't scare her. She had been with Jimmy, she had seen the men her mum was with – she knew what someone looked like when they were about to hit a woman; and she knew that for whatever flaws the Time Lord had, the willingness or ability to hit her, was not one of them._

_"__Where did you get it? You didn't have this four months ago when we met the werewolf. I _know_ that. So when? The Krillitanes? The Clockwork robots? Cybermen? Who did this? When? And," she knew now he was coming to the point that was infuriating him above all else, "_why_ didn't you tell me?"_

_"__Because there was no need to – it was taken care of."_

_"__Taken care of? TAKEN CARE OF? You call this-" he pulled her arm forcibly away, baring the scar that went from just below her right breast to her hipbone, and making her flinch slightly. She knew it hadn't been a clean cut, jagged and the scar was even worse. But she had done the best she could at the time with the limited Tardis functionality. Mickey and her had thought the clockwork robot was well done with but unfortunately it just seemed to have waited for an opportunity; when Mickey was gone and she was staring out at the stars, it had struck. Her only warning had been a metallic glint in the reflection – so yeah, she was kind of proud of that scar. She'd saved herself and this was all she'd been left with and she was so glad that she had learnt how to sew a straight line. "'TAKEN CARE OF'?"_

_A part of her wanted to tell him, wanted to tell him how she'd defended herself, that she had beaten the monster all on her own, that she'd sewn it shut and disinfected it all on her own, too, that he had left her behind and that she had dealt with it. A part of her wanted to see the same pain in his eyes that she'd felt when he'd talked about the Madame de Pompadour, a part of her wanted to see him flinch, to see him realise just how long she'd been alone for... but in the end, she couldn't. Not to him, not to her Doctor. Because a much bigger part of her, never wanted to see him in that much pain, never wanted him to know just how much hurt and pain he'd caused her, however unintentional._

_"__Yeah, I do and it was, taken care of, that is. I'm alive, aren't I?"_

_"__Al-Alive?" He spluttered, "ALIVE? You think this is because you could've died? This is not just because you nearly died – you were under my care, I am responsible for you – what if you had gotten an infection? What if you had gotten deadly bacteria or germs in you and I couldn't have saved you? What if-"_

_Oh, this would hurt... she knew it would, but he wouldn't leave it be. He would never back down, not from this, not unless she struck back – because she rarely ever did. Gritting her teeth, calling on every ounce of anger until she was able to physically push him away from her, watching him stumble slightly as he regained his balance, cut off mid-sentence._

_"__And that's it, isn't? That's the problem," Rose fortified herself, knowing it would hurt to say to him but also well aware that he couldn't find out, couldn't know. He'd be so hurt and then he'd be disgusted and leave her, reject her. A human who had changed herself – he hated them. She couldn't bear the thought of being left behind again, if all she had to do was to have this one fight with him. _

_"__Not the fact that I was injured, but rather that you couldn't come to my rescue, that you were not the one who saved me. You can't bear it when I can save myself. You always have to be the Doctor, don't you? Always rescue the damsels in distress? Well, I'm no damsel in distress. I can take pretty damn good care of myself. Done it for nearly two decades before I met you – so BACK OFF!_"

_She took the moment where he was still standing there, staring, flabbergasted and undeniably hurt, to flee to the bathroom and close the door behind her. The moment the door lock clicked into place, she allowed the fake anger to fade away and the pain took its place almost immediately. Heart in her throat, she sank silently to the ground, crying, muffling any sounds behind her jumper before they could escape; the Doctor didn't need to know just how painful that had been._

* * *

_Her words kept echoing in his head, even though he tried to forget. Oh, she knew him well, had managed to hit every sore point with such precision. 'You always have to be the Doctor, don't you?'_

_At first he'd been worried – he should have smelt it, at the latest once they were in the Tardis where there was always clean air. The tang of blood in the air, the way breathing in it made his mouth taste, was unmistakeable; but then there should have been signs before then – a cut in her shirt, the red colour... so how the hell did he miss it? It made no sense... Unless it had happened with the clockwork robots... maybe one had been left behind...? Nah, impossible. She would've had problems moving, carrying heavy things and there hadn't been any of that. So it made no sense, and Rose was the only one who knew, the only one who could tell him, explain to him when and how it had happened._

_And yes, he'd been angry – less so at her and more at himself for not noticing. But damn it, she should've told him, regardless. And yet she didn't. Problem was, if Rose was hiding serious injuries from him, how could he trust her when they went out on an adventure? That was not a minor scratch she'd suffered from; he'd stitched enough open wounds to know that and he also recognised that her stitches were done by her own hand – it was clear in the unevenness, the patterning and he hated the fact that she'd done it, that she'd felt the need to do it on her own. He knew how much it hurt when someone else was doing it and even more, he knew the utter agony of doing it to yourself. He knew how hard it was, trying to concentrate enough, biting back the pain while pinching the flesh together to sew it shut. Rose should never have experienced that; it was as simple as that. _

_And yet – she hadn't told him, hadn't made even the vaguest mention of it, never complained and it all came back to one thing; would he have to leave her behind like so many others? Could she not be trusted to be honest with him, to tell him when her life was in danger? If she couldn't be trusted when her own life was in the balance, how could he trust her judgment with anyone else's? He didn't want to leave her behind and yet she was giving him every reason to do just that. How- The bathroom door opened._

_He needed to confront her, to make her tell him why, why she hadn't told him, why... she had hidden something, from him of all people. She never used to hide anything from him. Turning around to face her, about to start another argument, he abruptly stopped himself, his voice strangled as he whispered her name._

_Oh, she'd hidden it well, almost too well, but he knew her better; eyes ever so slightly reddened and the taste of salt in the air. Rose, his Rose, had hidden in the bathroom and cried. Alone. His hearts sank and his anger disappeared as if it had never been there. It was like a well-choreographed dance – he stepped forward, arms slightly spread at the same moment that she launched herself into him. Having expected the shift in weight, he didn't hesitate to lift her in his arms and carry her to the bed._

_He had understood it the moment he'd realised she'd cried; of course, it was so like Rose, he didn't know why it hadn't been his first thought. She was protecting him, because that's what she always did, never mind the fact that he was over a millennium older than her. He didn't know why she was protecting him or what from, but he did know that he wouldn't get it out of her until she was convinced he didn't need protecting from whichever secret she harboured._

_"__Promise me, there are no other consequences awaiting us, if I let you keep this secret?"_

_He looked at her for any sign of deception, when she promised him, but couldn't find any, and so resolved to let it go – for now, at least._

_"__Well, I bet this is not what you had in mind when you thought of the night before your wedding," he teased, smiling at her, trying to ease the air between them. Rose laughed slightly, though her voice was still obviously choked with tears._

_"__Doctor, 'm sorry..."_

_He smiled at her, showing her that he truly bore her no ill-will – which he didn't, because he understood that whatever the secret was, she thought it would hurt him worse than that fight could – and watched, as she tentatively smiled back._

_"__Now, tell me," he started in a mock-serious tone, "this is better than any wedding with Mickety-Mick, right?"_

_He paused a moment too late, remembering the man was now in another universe and grimacing, fearing he'd just either made Rose cry again or started another fight; and by god, he hated fighting with her. She knew him too well. Instead, she started giggling._

_"__Well, if you start talking about the _size_ of the wedding, I'm out of here," his blonde companion said, in between bouts of laughter, giving him a mischievous grin with her tongue poking out teasingly between her lips._

_"__Oy!" He found himself protesting automatically, not sure what he could safely say in retaliation._

_"__Nah," she finally continued, wiping away the tears and growing serious again, leaning ever so slightly against him, "Micks talked about it sometimes, but it wasn't ever gonna happen. He was a good boyfriend and-" _

_Rose paused, throwing him a suspicious sideways glance, "you sure you wanna hear this?"_

_He didn't quite know how to explain his intrigue for the subject away, so he merely nodded, which she, luckily, accepted with an absentminded shrug, her hand intertwining with his and her thumb drawing circles on his hand._

_"'__Kay. After Jimmy," his curiosity reared its head almost instantly once she'd said that name. He had yet to find out just what her (first?) second last ex-boyfriend had done but he was almost a curse word in the Tyler household and to Mickey. "I needed someone... stable. I've known Micks since I was small and I know what you think about him – but he was exactly what I needed. Mickey had a routine, he didn't aspire to greater things, content with what he had and in turn was very stable, very-"_

_"__Monotonous?" He found himself suggesting, lips twitching slightly when Rose just rolled her eyes at his antics._

_"__He was Mickey. Not the best when it came to emotions and things and, okay, yes, a bit monotonous," she admitted, blushing and throwing him a glare when he chuckled, "but he was safe. Micks would never hit a woman and he'd always protect me, even if he wasn't..."_

_Rose blanched, no doubt realising just what she'd revealed. His hands clenched around hers before he could stop himself, a cold, icy fury rising up when he thought that another man, a boyfriend of hers, had put his hand up against her, against Rose. But now was not the time to get angry, not the time to think about just what he'd like to do to Jimmy Stone. He and Rose both had had a long, exhausting night._

_Pulling her closer, until her back was pressed against his front, a small concession to his desperate desire to ensure her safety and wellbeing, he allowed his forehead to sink down, touching her clothed shoulder before he felt himself calm enough to continue._

_"__So Mickey was safe but not husband-material?"_

_He felt the tenseness in her shoulders disappear and knew she was incredibly grateful for the fact that he hadn't pushed. They both knew he would but not now, not today._

_"__Yeah," she admitted, "and then he became more like a brother and I didn't know how to tell him. I couldn't imagine it," Rose finally confessed, "that safe, stable life, the white picket fence or council flat or whatever. I... wanted more. I had dreams – didn't understand how Mickey didn't."_

_He couldn't see her face from his position, but the bitterness in her voice was unmistakeable. "Mum didn't either. Kept telling me to be happy with what I had, that I was 'putting on airs', getting above myself." _

_Rose sighed, relaxing her neck until she was leaning against his shoulder. It was rare for his companion to be so open about how her mum and others had hurt her, and so he remained quiet, hoping it would encourage her to open up to him. It was hard to believe just how many people had tried to stomp on her dreams, how many had attempted to tell her that she would never amount to anything and he grieved for all the times she'd had no one to tell her just how brilliant, how fantastic she was; all the times she'd cried, alone, because she had no one._

_"__I just... I wasn't happy. I was going through the motions, I was doing my best to please everyone; mum, Mickey and everyone else, but all I wanted, was to get away. To see, to explore, to understand; I wanted to see the world, wanted to reach for the stars... and then you came. You took my hand and you showed me everything I ever wanted and more. You and the old girl," his eyebrows rose in surprise, wondering just when she'd picked up on his nickname for the Tardis, "showed me a better way of livin' my life, helped me be so much more than even _I_ thought I could be... I owe you both everything and that's why, what I said back then, still holds true. No matter what will happen or has already happened, I wouldn't have missed it for the world."_

_He was pretty sure they had been fighting just half an hour ago, yet here and now, he was ready to kiss her, to take her away with him to the stars and never, ever let her go. Chuckling at the hopelessness of his situation and the tumultuous nature of his emotions, he pressed a soft kiss into her hair. One thing had rapidly become clear to him; he needed to find a way to tell her just how special she was, how much she meant to so many people and how she'd saved him. He couldn't leave her to remember only how other people had put her down; he needed her to know that they were wrong, that he _knew_ they were wrong._

_"__Get some sleep. I'll watch over you."_

_Rose gave him a warm, gentle smile, obviously already half-asleep and whispered "I know." _

_Smiling to himself, a warm rush of affection surging through him at her words, he sank back into the bed, allowing her to curl herself around him._

* * *

_Rose sighed, fidgeting uncomfortably in the dark blue dress she'd been outfitted with. The blue reminded her of the Tardis, so she didn't mind too much, but the material was surprisingly itchy. _

_By the time she'd awoken, they had already been surrounded by female Abalonians; and they had no qualms stripping her in the Doctor's presence, though, to be fair, he had declared himself as her husband so they probably thought he had seen it all and more. At least the Doctor had been decorous enough to turn his back away from her – and from any reflective surfaces – though the back of his neck had taken on a light shade of pink to her amusement. _

_They had insisted on a full bath in some sort of milk she presumed – more like hoped fervently but hadn't dared to ask – when the Doctor had been escorted out for his own preparations; which he'd only agreed to after she'd verbally given her approval. For just a moment he'd looked like he was about to turn to her, before, no doubt, the situation had dawned on him and he'd looked away quickly, asking her out loud._

_Finally, one of the attendants gestured for her to go out. Luckily, the wedding was being held at noon rather than in the evening and they'd be able to make their escape soon. Her Doctor waited on top of the hill, at the entrance to the temple and she gave him a quick glance, unmistakably staring at the stairs and her dress afterwards, forcing him to choke down his laughter when, with an aggravated huff, she picked up the uncomfortable dress and stomped her way up the hill. Yep, definitely not what she'd had in mind and she was sure they'd imagined a more graceful and gracious goddess as well, but too bad; she couldn't be bothered anymore. The heat was unbearable, her dress was itchy and she just wanted to get back to her favourite ship and have a shower in the perfect temperature, put on her most comfortable clothing and watch a movie with the Doctor. Anything but this._

_The Doctor's eyes sparkled with barely hidden amusement by the time she finally reached the top, and Rose found herself smirking slightly despite her exhaustion. _

_"__You will need to exchange rings," the same pompous old man from last night announced, staring at them, obviously waiting for the Time Lord to admit they weren't married. Rose felt herself flush – that hadn't even occurred to her and, even though his face hadn't so much as twitched, she knew that it hadn't to the Doctor either._

_But then she felt her Doctor's hand squeeze hers reassuringly and, relieved, she smiled at him. To her surprise, his hand disengaged from hers, and went around his neck._

_"__We didn't exchange rings, we exchanged other tokens. I received a piece of her home and she one of mine," his voice was matter of fact but Rose just barely kept herself from gaping when he pulled out a necklace which did, indeed, have a simple key on it. She had no idea where he'd gotten it from, but it looked remarkably like the key to her house... how? She nearly missed the priest's glance and only very reluctantly did she reveal her own key and necklace. Carefully, she released the clasp and took necklace and key into her hand._

_The old man looked like he'd bitten into a lemon, before nodding his acquiescence and Rose quickly handed her necklace to the Doctor and received his in return. To her surprise, the old man and the crowd remained silent, staring at them in anticipation. Finally, patience no doubt running thin, the Abalonian prompted them to exchange their vows._

_The Doctor raised his eyebrows in surprise and she couldn't keep her own from showing but obediently turned to one another._

_"__With this necklace, I thee wed," he announced, stepping towards her only to be stopped by the old man._

_"__No, your vows."_

_Rose felt more than a little puzzled but the Doctor only looked exasperated before finally, nodding curtly. He seemed more resigned now than anything._

_"__Rose Tyler," his voice was hesitant, but warm, her name spoken the same way he always said, like an invocation, a prayer, and she felt herself blush in response. _

_"__No matter what I say, you don't seem to grasp your importance in this universe. Maybe this time you will hear me," he fidgeted, adjusting his tie – he'd argued to keep his clothes, now she wished desperately, she had, too. Still, her heart had started racing, the moment she realised that he was taking this vow semi-seriously. _

_"__For everything else I could say, they do have one thing right," he looked at her firmly, not fidgeting, not hesitating, certain of every word in a way that made her heart ache and her intentions to take this vow as something a best friend would say, wavered precariously. "You _are_ a goddess."_

_He paused for a moment, gaze tender, before continuing, "I've travelled for a very, very long time and I've seen a lot of things, met a lot of people. What you did back then, made you a goddess to everyone. But if they could see what I can, they'd understand that, power or no power, you will always be a goddess. When I first met you, I didn't think I deserved to be saved- No," he shook his head, "that's not quite right; I didn't think I could be saved nor deserved it. Then I met you."_

_He laughed slightly and Rose tried, vainly, to suppress the tears in her eyes, the way her heart was threatening to burst out of her chest, the love for the man in front of her, a love that filled every fibre of her being._

_"__You often tell me that I saved so many people and even entire planets. But you, Rose Tyler, are the one woman, the one person in the entire universe, that saved me. Once, a long time ago, when there was no one else, when I told you I'd lost my entire planet, all my people, you told me you were there for me. I want to make that same vow to you again that I already made too you, oh, such a long time ago... Rose Tyler, no matter what happens, I will always be there for you."_

_She remembered it, that time where she'd been crying and he'd told her he'd always be there for her. He'd broken it, unknowingly, when he left to save the mistress of the King of France, but now he was renewing the vow and she couldn't stop her heart from aching, her mind trying desperately to commit every minute expression, every single second and word to memory, to remember the look in his eyes, his feelings open and bare for her to see, a depth of affection visible to her alone that she almost dared to call love._

_"__Rose, I know you deserve so much more, but this is all I can give you. I can't promise to put you first, because the universe has to be first; I can't promise you that I'll always save you, I can't even promise that I'll always be able to take you back home but just this once, I want to be selfish. You have seen the darkness inside me, know what I have done and forgiven the unforgivable. If," the Doctor paused, swallowing hard, yet his eyes remained steadfast on hers, "if this is all I can ever give you, I at least want to make this a wonderful memory for you. I have travelled for so long but you are the first person to make _feel_ again, to feel the wonder, to be surprised, to enjoy every single second because you never know how long it will last. I- We both know that I will live on, long past your comparatively short time and I know you are scared I'll forget you. I don't know how you ever thought I could ever forget you, even if I wanted to. You gave me life, gave me sunlight when all I could do was stare at the abyss. Even if I forgot everything about myself, about my past, even if I forget the Tardis, I'd never forget you... Rose Tyler, the woman who saved the Doctor, my best friend __**for all of time**__."_

_He had used the Gallifreyan expression, which he'd once told her more closely translated to 'in every regeneration, past, present and future in every single instant in time'. It wasn't a declaration of undying love, but it was a promise of eternal friendship and it was beyond anything she'd ever expected from him. Her heart hurt with the sheer love for him she didn't dare to express as anything other than friendship and yet it was so difficult to not read more into his gestures, into his words when he was treating her like this. The sheer pain, the utter agony of knowing just how much he did love her – but not in the way she so desperately wanted him to, was nearly unbearable and yet it was as he had said; this was all he could give her. It had to be enough. She'd always known that she wouldn't be enough, would never be able to match him, so if this moment was the only one she could have, the only time he could ever allude to any kind of love he held for her, she'd take it. _

_Wiping away the tears she'd cried at seeing him opening up to her, she bent forward slightly, allowing him to fasten the necklace around her neck again._

_"__With this token from my home, I thee wed, Rose Marion Tyler."_

_He gave her a quick smile and a concerned look, but she shook it off and smiled back at him, letting him know they were okay._

_"__My Doctor...", Rose's smile turned warmer almost automatically at the affectionate term she so rarely used in front of him, "I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, the way millions of other people see you. When I first met you, you saved me, as you did to so many others. Before we met, everyone told me to stop dreaming, to start living in the real world, that I'd never be good enough for anything else. And the thing you don't understand is that when you took me away with you, for the first time for as long as I can remember, I could _breathe_. It was...," Rose paused, floundering, unsure how to describe the feelings which were so clear in her head, how to make her Doctor understand just how much he had given her. Then, suddenly, she realised what she wanted to say, "It was like I had been crawling all my life and I didn't know what it felt like to stand until suddenly you were there, extending a hand, helping me stand on my own. You showed me just how much more beautiful everything was, how much more there was to life, how much was out there and how much I could do."_

_Pausing for a moment, she was almost amused to note just how stunned her Doctor looked. Giving him a quick smile, she intertwined her hand with his again._

_"__When I say that you saved my life, I don't mean when you saved me from the Autons; what I mean is the moment you helped me escape, the moment you gave me the strength to discover myself, the strength to fight for what I believe in, to go past what everyone else thought I was capable of and try and be the person you thought I could be. You...", Rose swallowed hard, wondering for just a moment whether she really wanted to say this out loud. He had changed since then, but in so many ways, it was still him; in the end, he had bared himself to her when he didn't have to. She couldn't sully that by being any less than honest with him._

_"__You were the first person in my life who ever put me first. I know you said you couldn't back then, and I would never want you to put me ahead of the universe, but the simple fact that you paused, with the Slitheens, because it would mean my death; the way that you sacrificed yourself just to spare me the pain of watching my father die again – you never understood and I suspect that you still don't, that I'm not afraid of my death. If – When I die, it will be to save someone, to help someone in some shape or form. I'm not afraid of that. I'm afraid for you. You go out there and you save everyone, but you have no one who saves you and, contrary to what you think, you don't need someone to stop you," he flinched, and Rose almost retracted what she said; she didn't meant to hurt him, but she wanted him to know, so, taking a deep breath, she continued, "you need someone who can remind you just how beautiful everything is out there, how precious life is – because you'll stop yourself then."_

_His grip on her hand tightened, almost painfully, and his brown eyes shimmered with unspoken emotions; Rose allowed her thumb to caress his hand, a gesture made to soothe, to show her support when they could do precious little else in front of these people. He gave her a tight nod in acknowledgment, allowing her to continue._

_"__You keep on counting them, I know you do... The lives lost. But you never count the lives you saved, never remember just how many people you mean the world to, not because you're a Time Lord, but because you're _The Doctor,_ because you help people. You saved mine in so many different ways and I know you did the same for Sarah-Jane and Jack. You and the Tardis, you're both my best friends, you're my home. I love this- travelling to new planets, seeing different cultures, jumping in headfirst, paying with the wrong currency, landing in jail, kissing strangers," Rose winked at him, eliciting a quick smile in return, "and I love the danger, the running, saving people. If I could, I would stay with you for as long as you live. Instead, I promise to stay with you for however long you'll have me or until I die. You were the one man who put me first, so allow me to put you first, to be there for you, give you a hand to hold and remind you how beautiful and precious every single moment is."_

_Smiling warmly, Rose contemplated her next words, unsure how to tell him she loved without using those exact words._

_"__I want you to know that everything I do, it's not because I feel like I owe you or because I think I should. It's _because_ you never asked for it, because you never ask for_ anything_, because you never feel like you deserve it and I want to offer you everything I have, everything I am, because it's the least of what you deserve... And even back then, I never hesitated, not for one second, even knowing it would cost me my life – if it meant saving yours, I'd do it all over again. I'd burn myself from the inside out, I'd give all of myself over to the Tardis, gladly, if it meant saving you – be it from a fleet of Daleks or anyone else. You are _my_ Doctor and there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. And all I can promise you, is to do the very best I can to stay at your side for as long as I can," even, if it means lying to you, Rose silently added. _

_The Doctor's eyes were dark and unreadable, emotions swirling through them, replaced to swiftly for her to identify them. His hand gave hers a quick squeeze, before he bowed to her, extending his neck so she could fasten the necklace._

_Even the older man seemed to have tears in his eyes from their vows and offered with a wide smile, "You are now husband and wife. Please treat our goddess with the reverence she deserves."_

_For a moment, Rose was disappointed that they hadn't been asked to kiss; she had longed for it for such a long time, had spent far too much time wondering what his lips on hers would feel like and now the perfect chance had been taken away for her. But then the Doctor, grinning mischievously, bowed elegantly and pressed his lips to the back of her hand._

_"__Of course... I'll 'revere' her appropriately," he declared, winking outrageously at her in a manner so reminiscent of Captain Jack, she couldn't help but burst out laughing. Grinning, they both walked down the steps, Rose once again cursing the dress they put her in, having momentarily forgotten about it during the ceremony. _

_"__Oh I can't wait to take this stupid dress off," she muttered to him, exasperated as, even holding half the dress in her hand, she still couldn't see the steps and every move was as nerve-wracking as the last one, half-expecting to tumble down the hill at any given time._

_The Time Lord at her side simply chuckled, wagging his eyebrows at her, suggesting teasingly, "that eager for the wedding night to start?"_

_Laughing, Rose let go of the dress so she could hit his shoulder, "Oh, shut up," but unfortunately the next step, her dress got caught and, had it not been for the Doctor's secure grip on her, she would've undoubtedly fallen down the stairs. Hand on chest, eyes wide and heart racing, the blonde was only given a mere moment to recuperate before she was swept up into the Doctor's arms._

_"__Oy, let me down – we'll look ridiculous! You all thin and-" At his raised eyebrow, she didn't have the heart to explain that he was built much slimmer than she was, so him carrying or lifting her was bound to look out-of-proportion and utterly absurd. Blushing deeply, she gave in and allowed him to carry her to the bottom of the steps, where he finally allowed her to stand back on her own two feet._

_Unfortunately, against their expectation, they were unable to make a quick escape. The crowd had already been waiting at the bottom and surrounded them again on their way to the castle._

_"__Right," the Doctor muttered to her under his breath, "we'll try again after dinner tonight. Let them have their celebration. Okay?"_

_Nodding quickly, Rose followed him and the masses to the ostentatiously decorated hall, where everything had been decked out in blue. Exchanging a short glance with the Doctor, both returned to miming the happy couple._

_In between thanking at all the people who came to congratulate them, a smile permanently frozen on her lips, she found herself holding whispered conversations with her, apparently now, husband. _

_"__With all these celebrations I'm going to be fat enough that you'll have to roll me out of here."_

_She heard him cough, trying to suppress the laughter, and received a quick jab from his elbow for her troubles. In the end, it quickly turned into a game between them – both desperately trying to make the other one burst out laughing first. _

_As the afternoon progressed into evening, they both found more and more outrageous games to entertain each other with, until they finally found a chance to talk to the man who was obviously the leader and who had acted as their priest._

_"__Now that she has been married according to your customs, my wife and I shall return to her home."_

_The hall quietened suddenly, and the old man stood up from his seat, placing himself in front of them. _

_"__You can't. The prophecy-"_

_"__never said anything about her being married, but, seeing as she is, you cannot-"_

_The other man cut him off, "We can, we have to."_

_The Doctor pushed her behind him in single move, his body standing protectively in front of her, his hand clasping her forearm securely._

_"__You will not have her."_

_Not knowing what it was about, but trusting the man in front of her, Rose remained quiet, watching the scene unfold._

_"__We will give you time to think on your position."_

_Her Doctor was fairly vibrating, a tightly coiled spring, ready to unleash and she didn't doubt that he was glaring fiercely at the people around them, watching as so many bowed their heads in shame and quivered in fear._

_"__I don't need time," he asserted harshly, his every word menacing, carrying an unspoken threat, "you will not have her."_

_For a moment, neither moved but then they were both being escorted back to their room, the man at her side seething silently, glaring at the guards surrounding them._

* * *

_As soon as the doors closed, some of his tension dissipated now that they were alone again. His eyes swept the room again, scouring every corner as if a new, hidden path out of the castle would suddenly appear out of nowhere._

_"__Doctor," Rose started tentatively, knowing that the time where he could still hide whatever was actually taken place here, had long since passed them by, "what do they want?"_

_"__You trust me, don't you? You trust me when I tell you I won't let _that_ happen, not to you, no matter what."_

_Something inside her clenched and for a moment she held a breath. He never said these things, not ever, not unless he couldn't see a way out and whatever they were planning was bad, as in they probably intended to do to her exactly what she feared. And she knew that even her Doctor couldn't always save her, that he was, in the end, still just one man. But that was not what he needed to hear._

_Smiling openly, touching his arm, she reassured him, "Of course I know that, Doctor."_

_His eyes sought out hers for a moment, and there was a desperate edge to his movements, his words, that belied his earlier confidence._

_"__Their prophecy," his lips curled up in distaste at the word, "states that their goddess – you – will bear them many children at a time where they are unable to have any."_

_Rose swallowed hard, automatically moving away from the bed, her Doctor's intense, dark eyes still remaining on her. After a moment, she found her voice again, "I- Can't we help them? Find out what's wrong with them and fix it?"_

_He shook his head. "No, already tried that. I scanned several of them earlier with the sonic, both males and females. I looked over the reading several times, but fact is, that their physiology is intact and perfectly capable of reproduction. I honestly don't know _why _they don't have children."_

_She knew her face had paled but hadn't appreciated quite how frightened she was, until the Doctor had securely ensconced her in his arms, a hug that always made her feel safer, no matter where they were._

_"__Rose, I will not-"_

_The door snapped open and both flinched for a moment, but only an instant later, the blonde was once again pushed behind him and the Doctor stepped in front of her, glaring at the man who had entered._

_"__ GET-OUT!," he hissed dangerously, well aware of just how frightened his companion was, now that she knew the truth._

_"__I- I am an honourable warrior and have great strength and stamina to offer. I am an Alpha male as the prophecy states."_

_The Doctor snorted and, had she not known him as well as she did, she would've almost mistaken it for real amusement._

_"_You_ are no alpha and you're definitely not strong," stepping up to the other man, eyes glacial and fury emanating from him in waves that made Rose believe for just a moment, that maybe they would make it out of here unscathed, the Doctor's eyes darkened, and for a instant, she could see the urge to kill in his eyes, an abyss, a darkness in him, rising to the surface in a way it rarely did – but then his eyes met hers, and it subsided slightly, bubbling just beneath the surface, still too close for comfort. But instead of taking action, the Time Lord continued speaking, voice low and the threat in it made the other man shiver._

_"__I could _crush_ you if you so much as even tried to look at her the wrong way. And don't ever speak of honour to me again, not when you are despicable enough to do this. I will _never_ allow you to touch her."_

_The man visibly cringed and she would've felt sympathetic, had it not been for his intentions. However, to both hers and the Doctor's surprise, the man looked genuinely affronted at the suggestion he would be touching her._

_"__Why would we touch her? We are not worthy enough to touch the goddess as her husband is."_

_He visibly cringed under the Doctor's hard glare and she knew that despite the man's words, the Time Lord was still looking for any weapon to use, for any way out when the blue man suddenly sank to the floor, knees bent and face touching the floor, hands stretched out in front of him, towards her, yet not moving._

_Both her and the Doctor paused, exchanging a puzzled glance while the man remained immobile. Cautiously, the Time Lord moved back to her side, never taking his eyes off the other man._

_"__What do you think this is about?" she finally hissed to him, hoping the man on the floor didn't hear._

_"__Goddess, did you receive my seed?"_

_Flushing, torn between embarrassment, anger and utter confusion, the blonde woman ended up repeating the words, "your... seed?"_

_The Doctor looked equally puzzled, eyebrows raised in surprise, the darkness fading slightly as a more calculated look took its place. _

_The other man's face fell, a blush colouring his cheeks._

_"__Pardon me, I will try harder."_

_The man definitely looked taken aback when the Doctor, in a snap decision, knelt down beside him, looking genuinely curious rather than threatening, when he asked, "what are you doing?"_

_"__You read the prophecy," the man stated, "I am seeding the goddess so she will bear many strong children. Another twenty men are lined up outside. We require many children."_

_With those words he sank back into the floor, head touching the ground, brows furrowed in concentration._

_Baffled, Rose sat down on the bed, staring at the man in part disbelief and part amusement. She could see her Doctor's lips twitching, humour shining through until the last of the darkness had dissipated. _

_By the time the blue man looked up again, her Doctor was in the corner, grinning quietly to himself and Rose only just stopped herself from rolling her eyes, seeing as the Abalonian looked at her with such hope in his eyes._

_"__Goddess, did you receive my seed?"_

_Blushing, realising what she would have to say to end this charade, she shot the Time Lord, who was watching with barely hidden amusement, a sharp glare. He just waggled his eyebrows and directed her gaze back to the man in front of her, whose face was slowly falling._

_"__Ah... erm, yes, oh great warrior, I have received your seed and I have no doubt a strong child will, err,... come out of it."_

_The wide smile that spread across the Abalonian's face almost made her feel bad about her blatant lie, but then he thanked her profusely and left her alone, telling her she would be given a few minutes to recuperate between each 'seeding'. _

_The moment the door closed, her Doctor, who had been shaking with suppressed laughter, burst out, loudly. _

_"__Oh, shove off," Rose told him, her face red from embarrassment but a moment later, glancing at her Doctor, who was leaning heavily on the chair, frame still shaking with laughter, she couldn't help but start giggling as well._

_Both finally collapsed on opposite ends of the bed, facing each other._

_"__My stomach actually hurts," the Doctor admitted, a curious frown on his face. Nodding slightly, Rose attempted in vain not to smile, her facial muscles aching already and commented, "Yeah, that was great..."_

_The Doctor's chuckle made her automatically look across at him. Waggling his eyebrows, he suggested, "shouldn't you be telling them that?"_

_The door opened and Rose valiantly attempted to muffle her laughter behind her hand, hitting the still chuckling Time Lord in the face with one of the pillows before turning to the Abalonian, trying to portray the seriousness they were expecting. She knew better than to look at the Doctor, knowing that he was by now undoubtedly doing his best to make her laugh again and she really didn't want to know what that would do to the ego of these poor men._

_The man gave the Time Lord a dismissive glance before focusing on her with smarmy smile that made her skin crawl. Rose had never been happier that they saw it as something of a sacrilege to touch her. He looked arrogant, sneering as if everyone else but her was below him; nevertheless, he sank into the same floor-touching bow the other man had also taken._

_She used the time he wasn't looking at her, evening out her breath and trying to regain her composure. After a very short time – and wasn't that just too true, apparently even for alien men – he stood up again._

_"__Goddess, I presume you have received my seed?! And I have no doubt it will bring children of greater strength than my cousin's."_

_Rose did her best to ignore the Doctor's snigger as she responded, "Ah yes, I have indeed ... received your seed. You were," there was no way to stop her lips from curling upward, "very impressive indeed and I'm certain your children will be no less, err... pleasing."_

_Nodding in satisfaction the man left and a moment later, both Rose and the Doctor were in tears, laughing. _

_"__Oh god, alien and human men, they're all the same," she pressed out between laughter, "wait a few seconds, they're done and then want to desperately know they were bigger and better than everyone else!" _

_It took her a moment to realise that the Time Lord was no longer laughing; rather his brown eyes had darkened and were studying her intensely._

_"__What?" She found herself saying, laughter forgotten, not sure if she wanted to know the answer._

_"__Only young people and species forget about the partner's pleasure. I assure you," his eyes had darkened considerably and even Rose couldn't convince herself that it was anything other than desire in them, "that with time," his hand trailed along her neck, a gesture so intimate that it sent her heartbeat into a frenzy; something he could no doubt tell, judging by the way his lips curled upwards in satisfaction, "you become more proficient at making your partner scream," his eyes went darker still, silently forbidding her from moving and Rose, in turn, found herself unable to tear her eyes away from his, "at making time bend around them, prolonging the ecstasy, extending every second until they're begging, having forgotten anything but your own name..."_

_They stayed, motionless, for another moment, his hand at her bare collarbone, hesitating, before he blinked, the desire disappearing so fast that for a moment, Rose thought she'd imagined it. Disappointment crashed into her, even though she knew how unlikely it was he'd ever continue, and she finally let out the breath she'd unconsciously held in._

_"__I'm sure Jack would be more than keen to demonstrate his... prowess in the matter."_

_Unwillingly, she grimaced at his comment. Jack was hot – very hot, actually, but she couldn't shift her feelings, seeing him more as a brother rather than a lover._

_"__I'm sure he would – but I think he'd much more enjoy if we let him loose on this entire society. Who better teach them about sexuality than 'Captain Jack Harkness'?"_

_She grinned at the Doctor, but both their attentions were diverted when the door opened again. _

_The moment the door closed and the last of the Abalonians left, Rose heaved a sigh and leant back on the bed._

_"__Well, that was surprisingly exhausting."_

_"__Oh, I should think so," had she bothered to look, she would've seen the Doctor grinning at her, eyes twinkling with mischief, "considering you just had twenty men attempting to impregnate you."_

_Rose laughed to her own surprise, thinking that they'd spent most of the evening already in laughter and she couldn't possibly find this funny anymore._

_"__Oh, shush you. Or I'll have to tell my mum that you sat there and _watched_ while twenty alien men came in to 'seed' me."_

_To her surprise, the Doctor first blushed and then blanched, obviously imagining her mum's reaction. Grinning, Rose grabbed her clothes and hooked her arm into the Doctor's leading him to the door._

_"__C'mmon, hubby, time to make our escape."_

_Grinning in satisfaction at the Doctor's chuckle, her face quickly became blank as she opened the door and faced the guards._

_"__I will show you where the children are and then we will depart for our home."_

_"__That quickly?" One of the guards exclaimed in surprise, before quickly putting one of the webbed hands in front of his mouth, looking as though he'd broken a terrible taboo._

_Suppressing a grin, Rose shot him a sharp glance, "I am no mere mortal," she declared, feeling the Doctor quiver slightly next to her with barely suppressed laughter, "I am a goddess. How dare you question me?"_

_Stepping in front of both guards, giving her Doctor a surreptitious wink, she led them out the castle doors. Slowly the procession grew and finally she stopped, pointing to the other end of the castle. "They're way back there, behind the corner."_

_She only barely stopped herself from adding that they were in baskets in the river. Her Doctor had obviously guessed her thoughts, smiling and clicking his tongue in approval. The moment everyone's eyes were diverted and they slowly stepped forward, she took a step back. Turning on her heels quickly, she pulled the Doctor along. To his credit he only stumbled momentarily before turning the same way she was and soon, both were running. The Abalonians didn't think to stop her, all too interested in what was behind the castle._

_Grinning widely, she lowered her voice slightly to resemble the tone his previous self had used in the first word he'd ever said to her, and repeated them back to him, "Run!"_

_Her Doctor, always game, laughed loudly and fell in step at her side, both starting to finally hear a ruckus behind them, grinning at each other as they sped up, both headed towards the Tardis, which was gleaming off in the distance, the last sunrays reflecting on its surface._

_"__So, I get to choose our next destination," she found herself shouting to him, still running, nearly at the Tardis now._

_"__What? Where did you get that ludicrous idea from?"_

_Rose shot him a quick glance, noting the wide grin on his face and rolling her eyes fondly._

_"__Remember, if our life was in danger I get to choose the next trip."_

_"__Yup," he acknowledged, quickly unlocking the Tardis door, letting her slip through first, "but I don't see how our life was in danger."_

_"__Oh," Rose taunted, grinning as she stepped closer to him, his back to door he'd just closed behind them, "trust me, your life was definitely in danger if they had caught us again due to your slowness," she gave him a wry smile, amber eyes glinting with mischief and just the slightest remnant of anger, "really, _trust me_."_

_The unspoken threat finally seemed to register, yet he seemed to be unable to help himself._

_"__MY slowness?"_

_Rose grinned, stepping away, satisfied that she'd won the battle even if he refused to admit it yet._

_"__Yeah, your slowness," she taunted, grinning widely, tongue peeking out between her teeth, "Oh, sorry, old man, is your hearing going as well?"_

_The Doctor spluttered for a moment, before a dangerous smirk pulled on his lips._

_"__Oh, I'll give you slow..."_

_Laughing loudly, Rose started running again._

* * *

Right, everyone, this is obviously not what I had in mind for this chapter but... well, it sort of wrote itself. I'm very sorry, actual plot will come in the next chapter. I couldn't help myself and I couldn't delete it either, cause I kinda liked it. Sorry guys. I do hope you enjoyed it. Anyway, thank you all for your lovely reviews – responses below! I would love to receive another one from all of you and every other reader, naturally. Let me know what you think!

* * *

**cecilehem**

You're very welcome – another quick update, even if it's not what you expected, I hope you still enjoyed it. I hope you've read the chapter by now, which means you now the marriage was just a way he thought of for getting them out of that problem; didn't work but I hope it made your heart still beat slightly faster *wink* I did my best. I am very sorry to say you didn't guess right, though I did enjoy reading your thoughts. I do hope I made you alternatively laugh and cry and then laugh again with this chapter. Would love to hear from you again, please :)

* * *

**Kylaia78 **

Yay! Thank you for waiting. I am glad I lived up to your expectations. Yep, Rose has been through a lot. Unfortunately, the plot development didn't really happen – apologies again for that. I do hope you enjoyed the flashback instead. I would love to hear from you again.

* * *

**The Clever Doctor**

I was so flattered by your review- thank you. I hoped to develop even the side characters in such a way that you couldn't help but empathise with them and the decisions they had to make. It's a tough call to make – do you trust the aliens who have already betrayed you the first time to keep their word this time around? But if you don't what are your options, realistically speaking? So yeah, I can definitely see why you'd make the same choice but at the same time, I would also argue that there are many reasons not to make that mistake again :) I'm so glad the Bad Wolf explanation went down well; I wasn't sure how well I'd described so that's a relief, thank you!

And thank you, again, for all your help with this chapter and with plotting out the direction of this story. It's immensely helpful and thanks for your quick feedback on this chapter. I am so happy, it's such a help, figuring out which episode to return her to.

So, just, yep, brilliant work, thank you so much. I do hope you like the rest of this chapter which you hadn't read yet.

* * *

**BabyBlues37 **

Thank you for all the flattery :) Well, the next chapter came rather quickly even if it's not what any of us – me included – were expecting, I do hope you enjoyed.

Thank you, I'm glad you're saying it's a unique idea and that you like the fact I don't requote entire episodes; to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't have the patience for that. So thank you for all the flattery and I do hope that this chapter is still enjoyable even if the plot hasn't really moved... at all. I would love to hear from you again!

* * *

**SassyFrassKerr**

Double yay right back for a review – thank you! I've put a quick explanation at the beginning of this chapter, just in case anyone else was confused. You're the only one who guessed correctly, by the way, so congratulations you've earned... a cyber-cookie ;) I do hope you enjoyed the humour in this chapter and I would love to receive another review! Thank you.


	10. Don't worry about the Silence

AN: Quick heads up – a lot of notes for this one, sorry.

Thank you's and Inspiration 

A great big thank you to **don't-blink-doctor-rose** and, most of all to my new beta reader, **The Clever Doctor**, who gave me the inspiration and suggested the right enemy to make this chapter happen and who kept giving me feedback even when google doesn't quite want to play ball – thank you! Without her help this wouldn't have ended up anywhere near as well, so thank you times a thousand! And it was her birthday yesterday, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

And, as always, this chapter is dedicated to all my fantabulous reviewers (you're all fantastic and fabulous in one), your responses are at the end of the chapter.

Research

I ended up rewriting this chapter, or well, most of it, after realising that I'd just made things up rather than researching the actual way people go about it in reality. Tell you what, I scared myself and got a bit frightened by the world we live in, but I do hope I also managed to carry this across on paper (of sorts) and get you as creeped out as I was. You'll understand once you've finished reading!

**Warning**: Creepy!

Playing Favourites

I don't know if you're not supposed to have favourites, but I do. I have my favourite scenes in every chapter which either allude to something in the future, or I really enjoyed writing/reading or ones which I'm terribly nervous about it. I'm always terribly heartbroken when no one mentions them in their reviews – I know, I know, I should just be grateful everyone is taking the time to review in the first place, but I can't help myself. It was that Bowtie scene a few chapters ago, last chapter the seduction scene – I had no idea how to write it realistically and do the characters justice and my beta assures me I've done quite well, but I'm still terribly nervous about it. This chapter has a scene about midway through – the creepy one – which I'm both proud and nervous about it. So, hopefully, having put this out here in the open for everyone to read and see what I'm nervous about, I hope someone picks up on the scene in this chapter and lets me know their thoughts.

**Thank you all for your time; on with the chapter!**

* * *

"I haven't changed!" Rose argued, helping her mother clear the table while her father was upstairs, changing her baby brother's diapers. It had been time for another Sunday dinner, a tradition her mother had suddenly claimed they'd always abided by. Seeing how happy she was with her new life and how upset she had been about her daughter's memory loss, Rose hadn't found it in her heart to deny her.

So for the last few weeks, every Sunday she had dinner with her mum, dad and baby brother in the mansion – all the staff had Sunday off, her mum rather adamant about having 'family time'. And it wasn't like Rose didn't understand the sudden desperate need, to keep her loved ones close; the stars were disappearing and Jackie would be faced with either losing everyone she loved or losing her daughter to the man who had, once before, already taken her away, only this time there would be no visits, no possible way of seeing each other again.

But every time she was away from the dimension cannon, Rose got nervous – what if, because she didn't take a jump now, she was missing out? What if this time away was that little bit of extra time she needed to explore? And she knew it carried over in her actions, in her words, however hard she tried to hide it, that she felt she was needed elsewhere.

"Oh yes, you have. You used to play with Tony – he misses his big sister, you know? And you - you used to be so excited about other dimensions, I couldn't shut you up; never mind seeing _him_ again. But now?" Jackie shook her head and Rose swallowed, reminding herself once again, just how good her mother was at reading everyone around her, when she wanted to be.

"You have changed," her mother stated, citing it as a fact rather than asking her about it. Rose grimaced, knowing that she was right in so many ways, but not knowing how to explain it, not without telling her what she'd so successfully kept from her over the last few weeks.

* * *

Jackie paused for a moment, looking at her daughter, noticing the many minute changes not only in appearance but rather in behaviour, which, no matter what they tried to tell her, were not things that changed in the space of a week. She was tired of playing along with their stories; entire planets were disappearing and Jackie knew that her planet and her life with it, were soon going to follow the others and she didn't want to go, not knowing what was happening to her daughter, what this dimension hopping was doing to her Rose; a Rose that she'd finally thought safe and protected only to have her running away again, running to somewhere she couldn't follow.

Putting down the dishtowel decisively, she asked her daughter to follow her. They ended up in the study – a small room which was only rarely used but was relatively cozy if one was partial to small spaces and no windows; but it would serve its purpose. No way out, no way for anyone else to interrupt, especially not Pete, who had been trying so hard to divert Jackie's attention whenever she brought up the topic. He had probably long since forgotten this room even existed.

"Mum, what are you doing?"

Wondering absently why a chair this comfortable wasn't downstairs in the living room, Jackie settled in for a long wait.

"I'm going to sit here and wait until you've told me everything."

Rose snorted, asserting confidently, "I have told you everything, mum. C'mmon now, don't you want to kiss Tony goodnight?"

Another diversion, Jackie noted silently, refusing to rise to the bait.

"No. Tony's going to have me his entire life. My daughter, on the other hand, seems to be hell-bent on leaving me behind."

And snap – she'd learned a short while ago that for some reason this was a trigger; she still didn't know why or how, but she knew something had happened on one of Rose's travels with the Doctor. The younger blonde was now pacing the short room and looked like she would have fled, had Jackie not locked the room.

"I'm not," she broke off, rephrasing herself, "it's not like that. I have to- I just, I have to, mum."

Refusing to let her frown show on her face, Jackie remained seated, knowing that any other action, any facial expression that could be misconstrued as showing even the vaguest hint of displeasure, would shut her daughter up. Rose had always been stubborn, but lately she'd had a way of shutting down that worried her, a way of shutting down that meant she couldn't read her – her own daughter.

"You don't have to do anything," Jackie finally offered, hoping it would ease whatever worries the younger girl had, "someone else can do this dimension hopping thing."

"No! That's just it – they can't! No one can, no one but me!"

The words were burning at the tip of her tongue, of reprimanding Rose that she thought she was so much more important and vital than everyone else - that she was irreplaceable, but she bit them back. Having another baby, a child, in this strange new world, had forced her to relearn some patience.

"Now, Rose, I'm sure that's not true-"

"Fine," the young dimension traveller said harshly, pulling the other chair around so she could sit on it. "Fine. You want to know, mum? You really want to know? No one else _can_ do it. And no, it's not arrogance or whatever else you're thinking."

Suddenly her tone changed from aggressive to tired, as Rose reiterated her earlier words, an unexpected note of hopelessness ringing through for the first time, "No one else _can,_ mum."

Jackie remained quiet, letting her gather her thoughts, hoping she would finally find out why Pete had come home that one night, refusing to say a word and yet looking so distressed, so pained – and she'd been unable to do anything, watching as he retired to his home office, locking the door behind him. She'd watched as her daughter came, every Sunday night, progressively looking more exhausted, more tired than ever before and, inexplicably, older. And then there were times she'd suddenly appear, looking suntanned, as if she'd been exposed to the sun for too long – and the week after she was extremely pale as if she hadn't seen the sun for a year. Jackie had seen all this before, back in another world – but not here, not in this place which had neither a Doctor nor a blue time and space travelling police box. And she didn't want to believe it, didn't want to believe what her heart knew, what her eyes were telling her; not here, not now, not her girl but, above all, not alone.

"No one dies of old age, y'know," Rose finally started, amber eyes fixed in the distance as if recalling something learned a long time ago, "'S never listed as a cause of death, 's the heart or the lungs or some other part of your body which couldn't work anymore, the cells couldn't reproduce, couldn't fix what was wrong. And, well, stands to reason that if your cells, instead of having a fixed amount of times they can reproduce, have, say, an infinite amount, you'd live until, well, forever, cause you can endlessly reproduce. Especially if instead of slowly deteriorating, your DNA never changes, rather it is reset every time you do die- because of an accident or whatever else."

Heart in her throat, she stared at Rose. Her daughter, who had, up until a moment ago, still looked so much like, well, _herself,_ was so different now. Jackie had raised Rose, alone, for nearly two decades. She'd seen her sad, angry, stubborn, upset, determined and hundreds of other faces. This was not one she recognised. It was as though a stranger had taken her over; even with her memories lost, it had still been her, so recognisably her from the absent-minded hair twirling to the bright smile – but not this, never this. Rose wasn't looking at her, and for the first time, Jackie was glad she wasn't. Her daughter's normally bright eyes had darkened until they were desolate, reflecting nothing but pain, sorrow and unimaginable grief.

Jackie knew those eyes, had seen them far too often, for too long, in the mirror after losing Pete, until Rose taught her to live again. But they were never meant to be on her daughter; she was never meant to look like that, like every single bit of happiness had drained out of her, aging her almost beyond recognition. Clenching her hands, Jackie allowed her eyes to drop to the floor, swallowing the pain down, further down, the way she'd done all the time when Rose was just a baby. This wasn't the time to focus on herself, she needed to know, to understand, what was happening to her baby now, what made her look like that, and how she could make it better.

"I went to Uni for a bit," Rose explained her unasked question, "and then worked in a mortuary. 's kinda creepy at first, but taught me one heck of a lot. 'specially about myself."

"You don't expect me to believe that, do you?" she found herself asking her daughter, voice harsh, and wished almost the same instead she could retract it. But her mind had added it up, had guessed how many years that would mean and an explanation started to form in her mind; an explanation that couldn't be true, because it would put her baby through so much pain, so much heartache, she refused to believe it, wishing desperately it was but a nightmare, a fantastical story like Rose used to make up when she was younger.

Except she knew, didn't she? Had guessed the moment Rose had started her biology lesson and yet she couldn't help herself, couldn't stop herself, wondering, for the first time, if she truly wanted to know or if she didn't want to remain oblivious to the truth instead.

"After all, when would you have had time to go to University? You never even got your A levels. And I don't know much about your alien boyfriend, but I do know he hated standing still."

* * *

Rose sighed. A part of her wondered, for just a second, if her mother was being deliberately obtuse, before deciding that one way or another, it didn't matter.

"Yeah, he does. So do I, 'xcept I don't have much of a choice about it. Every hop, as you call it, with the dimension cannon only lasts three hours in this world – but in the other worlds it's sometimes only a second and other times it's not hours or even days, it's years." Letting out a bitter laugh, unable to help herself, Rose finally admitted what even Pete and Mickey didn't know, "I'm older than you, mum. And I'm _tired_, so tired. I've seen..." A shadow flitted over her face, eyes darkening, remembering screams she'd given and heard, remembering voices, so many voices, all echoing in her head.

"I've seen too much. I've been in wars, I've commanded soldiers and I've sat at university, learning – hell, I've lectured at them. I've been a school teacher, a secretary, a mortician, a shop assistant – I've been a soldier, I've _killed_ people – me!" she exclaimed, shaking her head, before continuing, slower, the memories draining her of the false anger, "And I've been a general and sent others to their deaths, knowing they'd never come back, because there was no other choice. I've met so many people, wonderful people, horrible ones and I've lost too many of them. Friends, family, even if they survived, I'll never see 'em again. I'm _old_, mum."

She'd held it together so far, not allowing herself to dwell, to hesitate or think too much, but as slowly everything came to the surface, as every wrong decision, every friend she'd been forced to leave behind, was recalled, Rose slowly gave herself over to the onslaught.

"I once asked him, you know. I asked him if I really was what you all thought, just another one in a long line and he said it then and I didn't understand, couldn't understand. I do now. I don't age, I don't die. But humans... humans decay. You're going to wither away and die and so are Tony, and dad, Mickey, Jake and everyone else around me. The Doctor, he told me once that I could spend the rest of my life with him but he couldn't spend the rest of his with me. He'd have to live on, alone. But don't you understand? So would I, now. 'm not even human anymore," the sob came out unexpectedly, her chest clenching and the tears running down her face, "and I'll have to watch on as you all... I can't, mom. I can't. I- He's there, in the other dimension, just have to find him. He won't have to be alone anymore and... neither will I."

It had been so long since her mother had touched her, since Jackie had been able to tuck her into bed, to hug her or kiss her goodnight; and she missed it. As it turned out, no matter how old you were, you were never too old to crave, to need your mother's touch. Except she couldn't have it, could never have it again. Wiping away the tears, knowing no one else would do it for her, Rose slowly forced her breathing to even out again, reminding herself that it would all be worth it once she was with him again.

"And I can't die- No, that's not quite true. I just can't die permanently, not by normal means."

Her poor mother already looked overwhelmed and aggrieved, but she couldn't stop herself, not now, not when there was finally someone she could tell, someone she trusted.

"Everyone's got a timeline. Your past is mainly set, but you always have several potential futures and if you die, well, your timeline ends. It doesn't disappear or anything because well, you did live, but all the other potential futures fade away. Except for me – my timeline's sort of... anchored, I guess? And it feeds back to the other dimension, where the Tardis is, and so I come back to life because my timeline can't be cut. I've been shot, stabbed, beheaded, in fatal car crashes... I always come back. But I can still die, in a way. That's what this world's been doing. Remember the seizures, the headaches, the constant pain? I haven't said, didn't want to worry anyone, but it's still happening and I finally figured out how and why. 's because this universe has its own vortex and I'm connected to a different one. I don't belong. So it's trying to erase me."

Rose sighed, closing her eyes, feeling the grief clawing at her throat, her worst nightmare would inevitably fulfil itself if she didn't find her Doctor in time – she'd be forgotten.

"It's not death," she explained, ignoring the slight shudder that went through her body, "rather it's never having existed in the first place. This universe will literally wipe me out of existence, my entire timeline, gone... and what means, is that to you, to Mickey and Dad, to Jake and Tony, I will never have existed. You won't forget me so much as you won't even know you ever had a daughter. All of me will disappear not just out of this universe but out of existence – every photograph, every news article, every piece of me, gone. As far as this dimension and everyone in it, will be concerned, Jackie Tyler only ever had one child; a son called Tony."

"No!" Her mum reached out, desperately trying to reassure them both and yet keeping the distance they both knew she had to, never touching. "That's not possible – I could never forget you."

Rose closed her eyes, a bitter smile on her lips, wishing, with all her heart, that she could believe her mother's words.

"It's okay, mum. It won't be long now. You won't even grieve. If I don't find the right dimension, you'll never know. And if I do, you'll know that I'll be happy. With him."

"I will know," her mum cried out, either unwilling or unable to understand that there was anything that could make her forget. It hurt – not just the constant physical pain – but the way her heart ached, knowing that either way, soon she would lose her mother, either separated by dimensions or dead.

"Can you promise me that he'll take care of you? Stay with you? For the rest of your life?"

They both knew who 'he' was. Rose swallowed hard, avoiding her mother's eyes, knowing that as much as she wished she could, it wasn't a promise she could make. When he found out that she wasn't human anymore, that she'd killed... no, she doubted he'd still want her.

Her heart broke as she watched her mother cry, understanding immediately what Rose wouldn't say and she found herself desperately wishing she could retract the words she'd said, even though they were the truth, even though she'd held them deep inside for such a long time already, never sharing the details, never telling anyone just how painful it was, wished that maybe she could have told her just one last lie, one last lie to make her mother feel better.

* * *

They'd reached an understanding – if it could be called that. Rose would continue travelling because the alternatives were worse and her mum would be there if she needed to talk; except the dimension traveller knew she didn't have the heart to tell her anymore, would rather do anything else rather than breaking her mother's heart even further.

As far as Pete, Mickey and Jake were concerned, she'd just informed them they didn't have to lie to her mum anymore – which also meant, Mickey could visit her again. She didn't know what it was; her ex-boyfriend could lie to most people but as soon as it came to her mom, he withered like snow in the sunlight, confessing every sin that came to mind under her harsh glare. It had been funny as children, but less so as an adult when she asked him to keep her secrets.

"How close are we?"

"Pretty close. With the key on you we were able to narrow it down to less than a hundred and you've been to twenty so far."

Rose nodded, hand instinctively going to key at her neck. They were also currently working on a portable dimension cannon, something she could take with her to the right dimension so others could follow her, but progress was slow.

Stepping through the door into the familiar white room, she gave the scientists the go ahead, and moments later, following an intensely bright light, Rose was in a new universe.

* * *

A part of her still loved the travel, even if at least half of them had ended horribly; it was kind of fascinating to see the many different ways humanity could have evolved and the multitude of positive paths it could have taken.

In one, there had been green lizard people walking and talking among them, normally, as if nothing was awry. No one, not a single person, had even so much as blinked and Rose had been quickly humbled to realise just how accepting humanity could be and, shortly after, suitably impressed by how knowledgeable Silurians were. One of them, called Madame Vastra, had done her best to help Rose in coming to terms with her newfound immortality, having recognised the effects in her even if she hadn't known the cause, telling her about her lover lost to the tides of time, Jenny; a companion, Rose was certain the Doctor would have loved to take with him.

By now, the effects of the travel through dimensions were still there, but diminished as her body slowly became accustomed to the frequently harsh demands she placed on it, one of which was this method of travel.

Looking around cautiously, Rose determined that at first glance at least, this world looked no different to her own. She already knew it wasn't the right one, didn't even need to reach for the vortex to know that, but it still gave her hope to know that it was one more dimension down, one step closer to him, to her Doctor.

For a moment, just a second, she'd thought there was someone there, in the corner of her eyes – tall and in a tuxedo or something. She hadn't gotten a chance to look closely. Maybe they'd seen the flash of light or, as the Doctor would have, smelt the ozone from the energy displacement. Despite all her adventures and all the ways in which it ended horribly, she still couldn't help but be curious; always curious, no matter what. And so she stepped down the alley, into the dark, following to where she'd last seen him or it, heart beating quickly and hands slightly clammy as adrenaline flooded her system, readying her for an extended run, should she have to.

And then she saw it. Definitely not human, possibly male, but, Rose concluded, unable to tell for certain.

"Hi," she chirped in her best non-threatening voice, ready to run or fight at moment's notice, "so, you always hang about the dark, creepy alleyways?"

"Yo, Lady, who're you talking to?"

Rose's head snapped around and found a homeless person, staring at her through glassy eyes, bottle of cheap liquor in his hand.

"I wasn't talking to anyone, mate; wasn't talkin' period," she responded, feeling slightly amused that this would be the first person she'd see on her travel. Well, time to look at this world and get out of this dark alley. She was just glad that at least this time they spoke English.

A quick glance at her watch told her that she still had eight years to spend in this place; time to find out just how exciting or boring her time here would be.

* * *

Only a day here, so far, and one night, spent on the streets. She was currently scouring the recently deceased; as disgusting as it was, she needed to find an identity to slip into and it was always easier to become the young orphan from nowhere people thought dead then to attempt to create an entirely new identity. She had learned some computer skills, or, to be more precise, hacking skills, partly from Mickey but also from her travels – a necessity to survive in new dimensions and to creating a new identity, but you never knew how different the technology and, more importantly, the firewalls and security were.

Biting back a sigh, Rose put the latest newspaper aside, reaching for another one from the stack at her side; libraries, no matter which world, were always helpful. Apparently she was currently not in UK, rather she was in US, Florida, to be precise – or the equivalent in her world. Yesterday had passed decidedly oddly. Every so often she'd find herself blinking, her head hurting and, checking her countdown, she'd lost several minutes on a few occasions yesterday. The same kept happening to her today, except this time it wasn't minutes but hours. Something was odd and she didn't know how to explain it. It didn't feel like memories lost, rather as though she really had just turned, except it took her ten minutes to take two steps.

With a heartfelt sigh, putting down yet another newspaper, Rose looked up and just barely stopped herself from screaming. There was an alien, standing there, staring at her intently. Seeing as no one else paid it any mind, she gave it a tentative smile, opening her mouth and-

Rose quickly bent down to catch the newspaper that had fallen from her lap, pulling down her shirt, which was what she'd gotten up to do; it must have been. Sitting back down again, she opened it to the obituary section and started reading.

* * *

Blinking in confusion, Rose sat upright. This... was not the homeless shelter she'd fallen asleep in. This was ... almost prison-like. A bare, nearly empty grey room. The walls looked metallic rather than made of stone and, curious, she stepped along them until she found the door.

Shooting another quick glance around her, Rose quickly picked up a pencil; it wasn't great, but it gave her at least something to attack the soft tissue with, should she need it. But a quick glance at her watch had her reeling; seven years? She was certain just yesterday it had still been eight and-

There was someone in the room with her.

Whirling around, she came face to face with the creature; an alien. Her hand gripped the pencil tighter but a sound from behind her made her eyes automatically drift and-

Rose blinked. This was odd. She was sure she'd just gone to sleep in the homeless shelter. Puzzled, she looked and found a pencil in her right hand, her grip tight and secure around the object and frowning, her eyes drifted to the door. Right – so, she must have been on her way out and grabbed a weapon just in case. Nodding to herself, she stepped forward and her eyes were drawn to the face of her watch. Heart in her throat, she stared at the numbers, but they refused to change. According to them, she'd been in this world for six months; six months that she certainly didn't remember. The years had ticked down to seven.

That couldn't be right, could it? Movement in the corner of her eyes made her whirl around, pencil held out in front of her defensively. A creature, an alien was there and his raspy voice sounded oddly familiar.

"What do you know about the Doctor?"

* * *

Stretching slightly, Rose leaned back against the headboard. Her room was an exact replica of hers on the Tardis; the only odd thing was, every now and then, when she blinked, she could almost see grey, metallic walls – but they always disappeared when she blinked again, so she didn't worry about it too much.

There was always that voice in her head, telling her not to worry. It had to be her own, of course it did. There was no one else. Weirdly enough, she'd often have the urge to talk about her Doctor; a nearly insuppressibly strong urge, but no matter how secure she believed herself to be, no matter how alone she thought she was, the one thing she did know, was that she wasn't home yet, not with her Doctor. So there was no way she'd betray him, however accidentally, to anyone. It didn't matter how much she wanted or needed to talk, even to just herself, she wouldn't allow it.

So she swallowed it back down, refused to give into the voice telling her how much better she'd feel if she just talked about him.

He was more than just the Doctor, he was _her_ Doctor and she would never do that to him.

So, instead, she remained seated on her bed in self-enforced silence.

* * *

There was this fog, around her head. Her watch told her she still had six years to spend here, in this place, and every now and then she wondered if she really had only been in this dimension for a day, but the thought disappeared as quickly as it had come and, instead, she stopped worrying.

She'd had a name once. It was still there, buried beneath the fog, but she didn't worry about it; she never worried about anything anymore, actually.

The only thing that ever cut through the fog was the lightning. She didn't like the lightning; it hurt. It made every single nerve in her body scream in pain and her head always felt scrambled afterwards, almost like a concussion.

But there was no lightning now, so she didn't worry about it.

* * *

The lightning was here again and it hurt. It hurt so bad. Her body arched up with the pain and the multitude of voices, all asking for her to tell them about the Doctor, became her own. It hurt until she couldn't think, until her voice didn't come out anymore, until her own screams stopped, her throat refusing to produce anymore sound. Every nerve, every inch of her body was in agony and the pain was overwhelming her, her body shaking, trembling even after the lightning was no more and she realised she had lost all control over herself; couldn't make herself move, couldn't so much as blink, her body refusing to listen to any commands.

There was only one clear thought, one clear voice in her head, telling her that the humans wouldn't stop, would never stop.

Then she gave in, allowed herself to slip into sweet oblivion.

* * *

She was hiding, always hiding these days. She refused to go out; outside were the humans, her tormentors, the ones who brought the lightning. Inside here she was safe. In her room. She could say and do anything in her room, as long as she didn't go out, didn't face the humans, she didn't have to worry about anything.

Not until the thirst became unbearable, until her tongue felt so swollen and she was curled up in pain, her head hurting from the lack of water and she could barely crawl out the door to find the water placed there for her. And then, once she'd drunk and she could see again, they always came for her, came with the lightning.

Sometimes she wished she was stronger, could hold out against her thirst for longer, but in the end, she needed to find the Doctor and if she waited too long, she'd die. She knew that much – he needed her, whether he knew it or not. She just hoped that once she saw him she'd remember what message she was supposed to deliver.

The humans scared her, frightened her so much the mere thought of them had her cowering in the corner of her room. She'd always hated them, abhorred them, as had her Doctor. She really didn't know why she'd volunteered to travel to other dimensions, to other places populated by this insidious, horrendous race of beings that slaughtered and tortured for pleasure.

The fog around her head was thicker than ever; all she knew was that this for him, her Doctor. Still, she'd been here for a week already, she knew, and her watch told her that she still had five years to go. Five years was doable, wasn't it?

* * *

Humans, the voice in her head said, they wanted her Doctor, they were the ones using the lightning on her. She should kill them before they would get him.

Her Doctor, the voice reminded her, had hated humans. Stupid, filthy apes. He was always saving the universe from them. But she couldn't kill them, couldn't. She'd killed before, she knew that, but she couldn't just go around killing people, not until she knew for certain that these people were the ones committing these atrocities – no, not even then. Killing wasn't okay.

"I can't- I can't kill. No, no, please. I can't."

Curling in on herself, she reminded herself that she shouldn't kill, not unless it was her last resort, unless the entire universe was at stake. There was another way, there had to be.

* * *

Four years to go, she reminded herself, silently stalking through the house, finding her way up to the bedroom. Her hands trembled but with a quick blink she saw the thermometer in her hands again. For a moment, just a moment, she'd almost thought she saw the glint of a blade, a knife. But of course not, just her mind, her imagination, playing tricks on her again. Like making her room look grey instead of beautiful, like in the Tardis.

Besides, she just needed to take their temperature. Nothing to worry about. Just put it right in their throat and push down. She was just helping them.

Her hands stopped trembling as she made her way into the bedroom. The man first. They were always more squeamish about medical procedures; better not give him any warning. Nodding to herself, she stepped over to him and placed the thermometer at this throat. The man's blue eyes opened the moment she made contact, a bare second later they widened and he froze under her.

"Please, we'll give you anything, please-"

Silly ape. She smiled at him, thinking it would reassure him; no need to get that panicked about it, after all, it was just a temperature check. She pushed down, feeling muscles and tendons parting, hearing him gurgle as he choked and frowning slightly. That definitely didn't sound good. She hoped they'd be able to fix what was wrong with him. The red stuff kept pouring out of him, warm to the touch, covering her hands and the thermometer.

Frowning, feeling slightly worried for a moment that the woman's temperature wouldn't be quite as accurate with all the sticky red stuff, she quickly wiped it on her jumper, stepping around to the other side, where the female was crying hysterically. Really, people these days. It wouldn't even hurt, she was just helping them.

Smiling widely, she stepped forward and pushed the other woman up against the wall and pushed the thermometer into her throat. She, too, was filled with the red stuff and it seemed to be coming out even quicker than in the male; obviously too much excitement. Sighing to herself, she slipped back out, letting the woman sink to the floor. Hopefully these measurements would help the aliens save her Doctor.

Humans still scared her, but she wasn't quite so afraid at night and the aliens promised to help her. She couldn't remember them, or what they looked like, but their words were in her head. She trusted them. They wouldn't lie to her. They were just wanting what was best for her and the Doctor.

All this, it was to protect him, her Doctor. So no matter how many more people she had to measure, how many more temperatures she had to take, she'd do it with a song in her heart and free of worry, because all she was doing, was helping them after all.

She didn't know why she had first seen a blade in her hand; that was ludicrous of course. Here it was, clear as day; a simple thermometer.

* * *

A part of her wondered if once, she too had had a name. Head down, she walked among the masses, lips quirked up in disgust as she tried to avoid having any of these filthy apes touch her. Her Doctor hated them and she privately thought he was right in doing so.

* * *

The fog around her had been easing up, slowly, over the last few days. A song, a melody, was steadily pushing its way through, up from below the fog and through her.

The lightning came but it only made the song clearer instead of subduing it as they had undoubtedly intended. She still didn't know who they were, but it felt as though she could see just a tiny bit clearer for the first time. Still three years to go but she felt closer to him, suddenly, to her Doctor.

And though she didn't know what was wrong, didn't know who she was or where, never mind how long she'd been here, one thing was very clear; she needed to run.

Except she couldn't stop shaking, her body going into tremors, almost seizures, and she'd lost so much muscle, so many memories, she wasn't sure she knew how to run, how to hide and where. Whom could she trust?

Certainly not the humans, a voice inside her said and her lips curled up in disgust. Yeah, definitely not humans... but then, could she trust her head, her own voice? She didn't know, couldn't tell right from wrong anymore.

There was only one thing she knew, only one thing she knew for certain, in the entire universe and every dimension – she lived to protect the Doctor. Her memories of him were faint, but that much she knew. And that this wasn't the right dimension. There was something inside her, something separate from her memories, telling her it wasn't here but it was close, so close.

That same thing inside her, which howled like the wolf and smelt of time, it screamed until she could no longer hear anything else. It was a power, something golden, deep inside her and with it she could make it, past all of them and everyone, and she'd find out why all this seemed so wrong even if everything else was telling her it was right and not to worry.

She took a step forward, just one, towards the door when she heard it – the melody buried so deep inside her, resonating in her head, loudly, accompanied by a wave of sympathy and sorrow... and then she heard _him_, her Doctor. She didn't know how she knew, just something inside her heart that had been buried for so long, moving, a rush of something warm flooding her, closely followed by another feeling that she did recognise; despair.

_"I could do so much more! SO MUCH MORE!" _His voice was angry and on the edge of desperation, cracking slightly, ending in a whisper, a plea_. "But I need more time."_

For a moment she hesitated but in the end she took another step. She hurt, so badly. She was almost certain that she hadn't always had seizures, that her head hadn't always been wrapped in a fog, that once upon a time, she had been able to move without the tremors, without the image of the hot, dark red liquid coating her hands, slowly solidifying; she was almost certain that something was wrong, so very, very wrong, but she didn't know what, didn't know for certain, didn't know how to run other than to use this power inside her. She just had to get out, she had to. Then, once she remembered her name and why she was here, she could help him, could help her Doctor. But he would have to wait. She had to come first; she was certain he could save himself. He was the Doctor, after all.

_"Please,"_ his heartbroken plea came, in her head, the tears evident in his voice, stopping her dead in her tracks. _"I just need a little more time... Please..."_

She swallowed hard, staring at the wall, watching as the decorations slowly faded from her mind, leaving only cold, grey metal walls behind, making her close her eyes in understanding and grief. Even if everything she suspected was true, even if she had been manipulated from the start, she couldn't just ignore him, not when he was like this. He rarely begged, almost never cried and whoever he was attempting to save, he was desperate. Allowing one lonely tear to trace its way down her cheeks, she called upon that golden light, hidden so deep inside her, and sent it towards the song that resonated with her heart, towards the walls of the universe the Tardis had reached out to her. She was getting close to finding him. That would have to be solace enough, even if that memory, too, would be swallowed up in the fog again, soon.

She pushed, putting her entire will and strength behind it, now that she had made her decision and forced time itself to obey her, giving the Tardis the energy she needed and allowing her Doctor those precious few extra minutes he so needed, hoping he'd make it and could save whomever he needed to save.

With a gasp, she slowly sank to the floor, golden glow receding, leaving her drained and empty, and her body vulnerable to the time vortex in this universe.

* * *

After that day, the fog became so much thicker until it was all she was aware of, that and the voices in her head. It took another year and a half before the song broke through again, before she started to think, again, that it was time to run, unaware that she'd had the same thought before.

She used her powers to find a bunker, buried and hidden, forgotten as time passed and with no one inside but herself. In the end, she ended up stealing food and water, knowing that leaving her newly created safe place would put her at risk if her suspicions were, indeed, correct.

It took time just as she'd expected. Her countdown warned her she only had a year, but memories were precarious little things, their connections tender and easily ripped; so, as much as she wanted to blast through her mind with the force of a bulldozer, to tear it apart and find out if she was still herself, she forced herself to slow down, to take days, and, as it turned out, weeks and even months to retrieve what she'd lost.

The fog was the hardest. It wasn't a fog, rather it was a multitude of voices, sometimes her own, sometimes not, all telling her not to worry, all interwoven, over and over again, like a net covering her memories, her thoughts and emotions. Every pull on every thread of it hurt, yanking on something inside her, but after three endless days of looking at any other means of breaking through, of regretting, time and again, that she hadn't asked her Doctor to teach her the way through her own mind, at least, she used her willpower, her determination, and ripped it apart.

She fell unconscious after that.

* * *

Days passed as Rose slowly unravelled the connections she'd made, heart in her throat, choking her, as she watched as the Tardis room in her mind slowly faded from the memories, showing the truth – a grey room, much like the one she was currently in.

That day, she wept. She cried and screamed and cowered in the corner, trembling, realising not only what had been done to her but also what she'd done to herself.

It was only the beginning.

She forced herself to continue, to look at her memories and slowly, ever so slowly, she understood, saw, what she'd been unable to remember, what no one had been able to remember. The aliens.

They'd been the ones electrocuting her, whispering and, when she'd been unable to see anyone, she'd adopted their voices as her own, repeating to herself what they said until she believed it.

She wasn't mad and god, she wished she could feel any relief at all at that notion. She almost wished she was; anything but this.

The dread had curled in her stomach, and the moment she unlocked the first memory, remembered the first time they made her believe she was holding a thermometer in her hands instead of a knife, the first time they told her she had to go out, to 'help' people, she'd thrown up. She could guess what was coming next and for a day she resisted, fought against herself, argued and cried, punched the wall until her knuckles were raw and bloody, until she felt like she couldn't breathe and her body wouldn't stop trembling.

The next day, she searched for them- and found them, one after the other. Old men and young ones, couples and entire families, innocents, slaughtered by no hand other than her own. She finally understood they'd been trying to prepare her to kill the Doctor, had been testing her, pushing her. And she'd done as they asked. She'd killed them, all of them – so many innocents, so much blood and she had _smiled_ at them.

That day Rose screamed, screamed until it felt like her voice chords snapped, before she broke down and then she wept. For the lives lost and, if she was honest, and she currently was nothing but honest, for herself. Because that day was the first time she learned what it felt like to hate yourself, to be so disgusted by yourself, that you wanted to make yourself suffer, wanted to hurt yourself, make yourself feel pain until the screams were not for other people, people she didn't deserve to cry for because, in the end, she'd been the one to kill them, rather until the screams were due to self-inflicted pain that could no longer be contained within.

That day Rose understood that she didn't deserve her Doctor; whereas before she hadn't been good enough but could still attempt, still aspire to be better, to improve – now that was no longer an option. No matter what she did, no matter how hard she worked, how many people she saved, the blood of innocents coated her hands. Unlike the Doctor, who had been forced, after centuries of war, to take the only solution left to him, she'd had killed people who took no part in any war of her own free will and without any remorse. It didn't matter how much she regretted it now; she'd still gone on to the next ones, and the ones after that.

It was the day Rose Tyler lost herself in ways she had yet to understand.

* * *

Then, with her memories her own and intact, she set out to find them, to find out more about these aliens, knowing that they were influencing others apart from her. It wasn't atonement; Rose understood, beyond any doubt, that she couldn't atone for the atrocities she'd committed. Rather it was the determination for this not to happen to anyone else.

She found out that they were called The Silence, a religious order, intent on finding her Doctor, on finding a way back to her – and theirs, she suspected – original dimension. They were aliens and you forgot them the moment you didn't have your eyes on them; which, unfortunately, had allowed them to manipulate so many without repercussions.

* * *

It took two more months to realise that the Silence were everywhere. Not just in America, but all over Europe, over Asia, Russia, Australia; every single country on this planet was full of them. And people listened, just as she had, because they had no memory of the encounter and instead adopted the voice as their own, having heard it, no doubt, since they were children. They trusted it.

Which meant, she had to do something, had to somehow make an entire planet aware of them.

And so, slowly, a plan formed.

* * *

With barely a week left, there was no time to second-guess. There were a number of things that survived for millennia, well into the future. Charles Dickens, Shakespeare, even Arthur Conan Doyle; but she needed something that allowed everyone to see them, something visual. And of that, there was only one thing which always remained the original, which never got replaced or updated, which never had a newer version, or a different interpretation of it done.

Neil Armstrong's first step on the moon.

Unfortunately, everything after that was easier said than done. This world's time vortex was increasing the strength of its attacks with every breath she took and due to the nature of her enemies, she'd been forced to use her powers too often. Still, all alone, she had no other choice.

Recording the silence was the easiest of all – they were looking for her anyway so finding them proved no trouble and all and even getting them to say what she wanted, was relatively easy. They'd been talking to her for seven years, after all, and with her memories back, she knew as much about them as they did about her.

Getting into all the various television studies, and overwriting the originals and copies they had stored, however, was much, much harder.

In the end, she didn't find them all, didn't manage to get to every country, but Rose hoped she'd left them with enough, to give humanity a fighting chance rather than continuing to be subjugated by an unseen enemy.

* * *

She smiled but her family could tell she wasn't right. But she refused to tell them, couldn't tell them. Her mum knew she'd killed – but that had been in a war. What would she think of her, if she knew that Rose had gone into people's houses and killed them, entire families, innocent people, because she hadn't been able to withstand a few aliens whispering in her ear, because she hadn't been strong enough, hadn't fought hard enough, hadn't been able to hold out for more than a few, lousy years. That's all it took to break her. Rose was disgusted with herself, with her lack of understanding, with her waning strength and her willingness to believe whatever they told her.

She couldn't tell anyone, couldn't bear to see their eyes take on the same look of disgust she saw in the mirror every day, the same disappointment; and, above all, she was afraid, feared that when she saw him again, her Doctor, he'd take one look at her, he'd know and decide she wasn't good enough, had never been good enough, really, but never before had she broken his trust, his faith in her so decisively and of her own free will.

She rather have everyone know, everyone but him, _her_ _Doctor_. She'd always lived with it, had understood for such a long time already, that she simply wasn't good enough – not for her mum or Mickey and probably not for Pete and Jake either. If it came down to it, she'd rather have them hate her, have them disappointed with her, than him, her Doctor. She couldn't bear it if the one man who'd always trusted her blindly, who had faith in her, believed in her hidden strength, in her ability to fight whatever was wrong with the universe – if he, too, started losing his trust, his faith in her, she'd lose everything.

So she tried, hard as she could, to hide just how broken she was, how much she hated herself; hid beneath a warm smile and tender eyes, her true thoughts and emotions buried so deep they didn't shine through anymore. It felt too easy, when her parents stopped asking, started believing and when Mickey and Jake, too, fell for her charade and yet she felt so numb to everything, her true emotions lost and buried.

That was the case, at least until she travelled to another world that felt like her own but not and she got news she'd never expected, never anticipated...

The Doctor... was dead.

* * *

They were close to a breakthrough with the portable dimension cannon, but she forced them to send her again, right away, refusing to wait and rather demanded to be called back at intervals, hoping to save and reinstate the world to the way it should be.

She'd been desperate, so desperate, and it had been ridiculously easy to make her way into Unit, to have the staff start trusting her even though she refused to tell them her name.

He couldn't be dead. She refused to believe it. And the universe, her universe, didn't feel quite right; like it was the right one but also not. The Tardis could only hum mournfully at her, her strength too low to communicate properly; and while Rose could've lent here the power she needed, she knew it would be incredibly stupid of her to draw more enemies to her location, to the Doctor's body, when she didn't know how to fix it yet.

So she researched and ran, scouring everything until finally, one thing became clear. The redhead, Donna Noble, this entire universe, all the timelines, twisted around her... and there was something on her back.

Rose kept going between Pete's world and Donna's world, feeling exasperated by her inability to figure out what had, ultimately, led to the new world until the ship reminded her that her power in this universe was so much stronger than in any other world, that in this world, she had all of time and space at her fingertips.

So she travelled back in time, following the redhead, hoping to find the precise moment where everything had been turned upside down. Travelling through time made the well of power inside her shine all the brighter until, for a moment, she felt all-powerful; but her body nearly gave in, protesting the strain and it took days before she could move again, her body shaking under tremor after tremor, the electroshocks from the Silence having permanently damaged her nerves, Rose suspected; at least until the next time she died, though she wasn't too keen to find out whether she'd survive dying if she was in her original universe. At least not until after he was back; her Doctor.

And then she found it, that one moment, that one decision which had put he universe askew. After that she worked tirelessly on the Tardis, understanding how little strength her old friend had left and yet how happy she was to give it if it meant his return. So she opened her up, connecting cables and creating something that would allow Donna to travel back in time, applying all the knowledge the Doctor and Jack had ever taught her, everything she'd learned in the parallel worlds and what the Tardis was telling her and convinced Donna to trust her, to go back in her own timestream.

Then she followed her, watching as the brave redhead stepped into the truck's path and allowed herself to die – to save a man she couldn't remember. That, Rose told herself, was what a true companion looked like. Not betraying the man she loved.

Still she told the redhead two words that would let him know, two words she knew he'd instantly associate with her.

_Bad Wolf._

* * *

A/N:

Right, people, I scared myself and hope I scared you, too, when writing the brainwashing for Rose. I actually did research – not the stuff Psychologists make up without any actual basis in facts, but the actual research by Neuroscientists of people in the war, and of harmless, 'moralistic' brainwashing, so there you go. So anyway, putting Rose in a much scarier situation, I still wanted her to hold out much longer, for years even.

A great, big hurray and thank you to **The Clever Doctor,** who gave me the suggestion of incorporating The Silence and without whom this chapter would never have turned out even half as well. Thank you! You are brilliant!

**Quick heads up** – **next chapter** will all be the Doctor's POV, just snippets since Rose has left, with his thoughts a bit here and there before we move onto the reunion.

* * *

**AppleGrass15 chapter 8**

Yay, thank you for the compliments. Not quite sure how to respond in detail as you are still a chapter behind, so I hopefully won't give much away. I loved writing Sam and Tony as two very different characters, with their own emotions, their own backstory, and their own choices which can be seen as either right or wrong depending on your moral stance. And yeah, the point was to make Rose grow in character and experience, before she met the Doctor again.

Rose has control over the time vortex, in a way. She won't be able to move objects or be able to read anyone's mind (or talk to them). Her powers revolve very much around the Tardis and the Doctor.

I do hope you're still reading and have read the last chapter as well as this one are still keeping with the story. I would love to hear your feedback on this chapter and see what you think. Please review :)

* * *

**MuppetKatie chapter 8**

Hiya again! And thanks for the lovely review! I am so glad you're still enjoying reading the story. I know the concept of Rose's life being extended or her inability to die is in a lot of stories. I do hope I managed to add my own slight twist and make it believable within the context of this story.

I do hope you enjoyed the rest of the flashback; I loved writing it. I would love to hear your thoughts, see if you thought they were still in character, of sorts. And what you think of the very short seduction scene – it was so much fun to write and I was very, very nervous about it. I hope you also enjoyed this new chapter which brings us to the end of the dimension hopping. I would really love to hear what you think, please review again :)

* * *

**SassyFrassKerr **

I already PM'd you, but thank you so, so much for pointing out those spelling mistakes and the fact that two bits had been deleted by . I've amended that now and will be more careful in future – thanks again! There will be a short reference in chapter eleven which is actually already with my beta for review, so it will be picked back up for a quick comment; the rest I'll leave to everyone's imagination. Thank you again for your review and I'd love to hear from you again!

* * *

**cecilehem **

Thank you so much for your lovely review! I would have loved to actually have your take on the intimacy; I'm always worried the characters end up OOC or I don't portray things realistically enough – in the case of the last chapter that was the seduction scene. What did you think of it?

Lol, that does sound funny. I probably should've explained it better, but part of the reason they ran is because I highly doubt he would've been able to restrain himself (not in a good way). Their race didn't understand what kind of a violation that would have normally been, but the Doctor is not currently willing and lenient enough to explain to them how to have sex, because, inevitably, he has to fear the worst about what they will do to their women in their desperation. So glad you enjoyed the continuing confusion between the two about their relationship. I hope you also enjoyed this chapter and I would seriously love to hear from you.

* * *

**The Clever Doctor **

Thanks again for being my beta reader and for letting me bounce ideas off you. And HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Sorry, overly excited about these things :) I'm glad you enjoyed it. I loved writing the end with Rose running and thanks again for your feedback on the seduction scene. I was so nervous and excited and when no one commented I wasn't sure how to take it. So thanks! Have fun tonight and thanks for reviewing this chapter so quickly!

* * *

**Darkwolfberlin **

Hi! Gern geschehen und vielen dank fuer deine Review (die erste fuer das Kapitel! Klasse!). Ich glaube, es ist ganz gut fuer mich immer mal wieder in meiner Muttersprache zu schreiben. Ich moechte nicht zu viel verlernen. Kann ich gut verstehen, war eigentlich ja auch nicht so geplant. Es sollten nur ca. Dreitausend woerter oder so sein mit dem Flashback und dann weiter mit der Geschichte. Leider ist es irgendwie anders verlaufen. Mein Plan am Ende des vorherigen Kapitels sah vor dass es ne kurze, relativ unemotionale Hochzeit sein wird und dann halt das Befruchtungsmissverstaendnis. Die Nacht davor hatte ich eigentlich nur als kurze Einleitung benutzen wollen. Was soll man machen? Nach fast acht tausend Worten hatte ich immer noch nicht geschrieben, was ich eigentlich schreiben wollte, von daher musste es dann in zwei Kapitel getrennt werden. Ich mag normalerweise komplette Kapitel mit nur Rueckblick auch nicht; da sollte schon Kontext drumherum sein. Sollte hoffentlich nicht noch einmal passieren :) Hoffe das heutige Kapitel gefaellt dir etwas besser. Ich habe da so meine Plaene fuer die Wiedervereinigung; kann aber noch nichts preisgeben. Das kommt dann alles in Kapitel 12. Bis denne und ich wuerde mich ueber einen neuen Kommentar von dir bezueglich des heutigen Kapitels wirklich freuen! LG PepperonyOwl


	11. There's a hole in the world

Hi Everyone!

This chapter is entirely from the Doctor's point of view, so I do hope you enjoy my take on this and his emotions carried over well into my writing. The next chapter will finally have their long-awaited reunion.

Thank you to my fabulous beta reader, **The Clever Doctor**, who reviewed and gave me tips for improvement and whole-heartedly approved the second draft (which, somehow, has had another two thousand words added to it since then...). You're brilliant and I truly appreciate all your suggestions and your time!

And, as always, I dedicate this chapter to all my fabulous reviewers – both old and new:

**CupcakeFlake**

**TheDoctorMulder **

**lillideathflower**

**Darkwolfberlin**

**angieclever**

**Technokitty818**

**SassyFrassKerr**

Responses to your comments, as always, can be found at the end of this chapter.

* * *

_"Find someone."_

First _her_, then Donna. He knew he needed someone, needed someone with him, but he couldn't- they weren't...

They weren't Rose, couldn't replace her. They didn't understand him, no one ever had, not the way she had, from the very first moment she met him, a hand warming his, a soft smile, a teasing grin, eyes that spoke of trust – trust in him. Always, no matter how much he scared even himself, no matter what he did, no matter how scared she was - even with a gun pointed at her, even with a plan he had been almost certain would kill her and him... and yet, still, she had trusted him, had faith in him when he had lost his own.

He could've stood having Donna by this side. The vivacious redhead had seen him just moments after... after their goodbye, after his time with Rose had been abruptly cut short. Time Lord, indeed. But even though Donna didn't fully understand, she had accepted it, didn't want what he couldn't give... Except when he'd asked her to accompany him... she'd said no, said that he frightened her. Rose had never been frightened.

And he never asked twice; no one but _her_. And_ she _was stuck, in another dimension, another universe, without him. But at least she had her family. She was okay, had to be; he wouldn't allow himself to think of anything else, of any other options.

Sighing, the Doctor turned back to the open console. This life, his ship... all of it had once made sense when a blonde human came into his life... but now? He stared, uncomprehendingly, at the cables that seemingly came out of nowhere, the masses of colours leading disappearing left, right and centre and he couldn't remember what they were for, what he'd set out to repair and what he was meant to do.

The old girl prodded him, drawing a weak smile from his lips.

"Yeah," he admitted to the silent room, knowing the Tardis was feeling as alone and bereft as he was. "I miss her too."

Sinking down onto the grating, twirling the sonic screwdriver uselessly in his hand, he stared up at the rotors, slowly turning, playing a silent song throughout the ship that only he could hear; a song of love, of friendship, of strength and kindness, of forgiveness and sacrifice, of laughter and grief – a song of loss, a song for a pink and yellow human that had been in their lives for far too short a time; a mere human that had been with him and her for but a moment in their long lives and yet had changed them both so much.

For just a moment, he allowed his shields to fall, allowed his grief to mingle with that of his ship, allowed the tears so show; before he forced them back down, the way he always forced them down, forced his shields to push his emotions away, subdue them until he felt as if he could breathe again.

He couldn't break down, could never allow himself the luxury of grieving... he was the Doctor and, inevitably, someone, somewhere, always needed him. So it didn't matter if he was alone no matter how many people were around him, it didn't matter if every blonde female reminded him of her, if every time he stepped out on a new planet, he could hear her excited voice in his ears, could almost see her, arms spread out wide, joyfully laughing just in front of him; it didn't matter if everyone around him triggered memories of her, memories of happier times, of times where he'd known how to laugh, to forgive... and to love.

Because she was gone and though for just a moment he'd contemplated it, had actually calculated what the chances were that he'd get just a moment, a second of holding her in his arms before the universe around them collapsed, he knew that there was no way that even he could bring her back. Not without the other Time Lords, not without Gallifrey. In the end, the Time War had claimed two more victims. Jackie and Rose Tyler.

And he had a new companion now... Doctor Martha Jones. He'd thought... For a moment, just a moment, back in that hospital, he'd seen something of Rose in her, however loath he was to admit it.

_"As far as I'm concerned, you've got to earn that title."_

For a moment it had sounded like Rose's voice, teasing, tongue peaking out the corner of her mouth in their first trip in the Tardis, "_you think you're so impressive!"_

He had thought, mistakenly, that Martha would understand, as Donna had, that she was with him – not as Rose had thought to show him the beauty, but as Donna had correctly pointed out, to stop him. With Rose, he may have been able to stop himself but now he no longer had the strength – or the will. This world, this entire universe, which one tiny blonde human girl had made sense of for him, was now foreign, something he had to fight, on a daily basis. Where every new planet, every strange custom used to be a thing of wonder, of surprise and laughter, now it became a thing of suspicion, of wondering what they were planning, what malicious plot was being hatched.

And Martha, poor Martha, had a crush on him. Of course he knew. And he hated it, hated how she kept dismissing Rose, kept trying to expound her own virtues until he was left wondering why he had ever invited her along... But then she'd do something and he'd see past all that, see that for all the growing up Martha still had to do, she was no worse than any of his other companions, that she had something inside of her, something that urged her to aspire to more, something that made her so... so human.

Given time, he hoped she'd start to look past her infatuation and start to understand that even if it had been a thousand years, even if Rose were to have left of her own free will, he still would never replace her, not with Martha, not ever, with anyone. Rose was... Rose. She was perfect.

That wasn't to say that Rose didn't have flaws – she had many, not the least of which was her grumpiness in the early morning, but none of that had made her any less perfect to him. Rather the very fact that she had flaws, that she wasn't always there with the right response and fought with him over stupid things like better flavours of jam, made her all the more perfect in his eyes. It made her Rose – all around human and just perfect; for him.

Martha was her own person; he never asked for any more from her and certainly never wanted anymore. He knew she was getting exasperated with him, with how often he mentioned Rose but he couldn't help himself. And, despite the necessity of it, he still hated the fact that he'd kissed Martha thoroughly enough to have left her with traces of himself and yet he'd only ever had the chance to kiss Rose twice, neither of which she could recall or had been herself for... and that he'd never gotten the chance to tell her how he felt.

Eyes hooded, he remembered the way Martha had, in their one and only night in Shakespearan London, asked for a toothbrush and the way he had automatically looked in his pockets and frozen, for just a second. Once, after spending three days and nights in jail, Rose had insisted on him carrying a few essentials in his pockets, one of which she called her 'emergency pack'. In reality, it included several items Rose had been adamant on needing if they ended up spending the night somewhere; her deodorant, toothbrush, snack food and drinks and, as he had found out on one memorable occasion, tampons. In the end, he'd given Martha the extra toothbrush Rose had reminded him to bring for the temporary 'strays' the inevitably accumulated in their journeys; and no, as Rose had once reminded him, Arthur the 2nd didn't count and the horse was not coming with them, no matter how perfect a companion he'd thought it would make.

... He had yet to be able to bring himself to remove the pack from his pockets. He knew she couldn't come back, knew he'd never see her again, and yet he couldn't bring himself to take it out, to remove that last vestige of her, a steady reminder throughout his travels of her; that, and her purple jumper. He'd spent hours, standing in front of her room, indecisively, and yet not been able to put it away, to leave it behind, even though technically he had no use for it... but her scent was still on it and he could still remember every time she'd worn it.

_Rose bounced into the main control room but he didn't look; he knew it would distract from his task at hand. Carefully holding the screwdriver in his mouth, he stripped the cable in front of him and started to connect it with the red one he'd held in his left when he felt her plop down beside him with enough energy to shake him slightly._

_Annoyed he attempted to stabilise his hands so he could finish this last task and they could be on their way._

_"Phew!" Her voice was breathy and his hands trembled for an instant at the mere sound even though he refused to acknowledge it, stubbornly focusing on his task. "Is it hot in here or is it just me?"_

_His lips quirked up in spite of himself and, the moment he gave in and looked up at her, his mouth went dry and his earlier anger was all but forgotten. Rose hadn't noticed his sudden attention, a frown on her face as she tried to remove her purple jacket as quickly as possible before throwing it carelessly to the side; it landed on one of the railings to his amusement. Her hair was curling slightly from her recent shower, her cheeks were delightfully flushed and eyes sparkling as she started to concentrate on brushing her hair and untangling the wet, blonde strands one by one._

_He didn't notice his screwdriver falling out of his mouth, but they both noticed the moment it hit the floor of the Tardis with a metallic clang._

_Grimacing and simultaneously embarrassed at having stared at her – he was more than a millennium older than she was; he should have better control over himself, or, even better, he shouldn't have stared at her like that in the first place! – he quickly bent down to retrieve his screwdriver, using the moment to hide his blush and normalise his blood flow again._

_"It's you," he finally said, pretending his entire attention was on the cables in front of him; for the life of him he couldn't figure out what he'd been trying to do – never mind though, he was good at pretending._

_"What?"_

_"You always shower too hot," he found himself explaining, "the Tardis temperatures are perfectly normal for humans. Besides, that can't be good for your skin."_

_He could almost hear her pouting behind him, still brushing her hair. _

_"What's wrong with my skin?" He heard her muttering, no doubt inspecting it and the Time Lord was unable to stop himself from smiling at that mental image, and only barely stopped himself from telling her that there was nothing wrong with her, nothing at all. _

_"Soooo... What's the plan?"_

_He'd been staring at the cables in front of him, but the blonde behind him still held all of his attention, all his senses focused on her every movement, so he finally decided to give in and continue his repairs at a later date. His ship would just end up zapping him if he continued his work haphazardly anyway._

_With a quick move he was out from beneath the ship and beside his companion._

_"What makes you think there's a plan?" he teased, grinning broadly._

_She laughed. "Come on, you always have a plan."_

_Then, a moment later, she grew serious and he nearly frowned at the rapid change in emotion._

_"Back then, on Abalon, did you have a plan?"_

_He'd wondered but after months it had never come, this question, so he'd never broached the subject. He hadn't expected it now, so much later, so he found himself staring at her in surprise rather than giving her the response he'd prepared ages ago – and by now, unfortunately, forgotten._

_"I mean, I know we don't ever really talk about it, but I know you can't save everybody. I just...," Rose hesitated a moment, before taking a deep breath, fortifying herself and continuing, "I just- You seemed so certain, and I was wondering, if they- ... If the Abalonians hadn't been so confused about the process, if they'd known what they were doing... I..."_

_He stopped her, unable to listen to her further describe what she feared might have happened, what she feared he might've been incapable of stopping._

_"Yes," he admitted, "I can't save everyone. But I assure you, Rose, I _would _have saved you, if they really had been intent on doing... _that_ to you. I would never have allowed any of them lay a hand on you."_

_Rose stood up, her movements and actions laced with a kind of frantic desperation that made his hearts ache and want nothing more than to hold her; and it was one of the few things he permitted himself, which he rarely restrained himself from. So with one quick breath he stood up and was at her side, gathering the upset blonde woman into his arms, and allowing himself a small sigh of unspoken relief, when she relaxed against him._

_"But how can you promise that?" she spoke after a moment's hesitation. "How can you say that? If it had been in your power, wouldn't we have escaped much earlier?"_

_Kissing the top of her head fiercely, allowing his emotions to the fore, his strength and his determination, his will and, most of all, his helpless, unbending and unrivalled desire to protect her from everything and everyone, which stood above all else, even his need to protect the Universe, though he'd never admit it._

_"Never really told you what being a Time Lord actually means, have I?" he asked rhetorically, his hand at her cheek, silently asking her eyes to meet his so she could see the emotions he for once wasn't trying to hide. Amber eyes met his, laced with confusion but still, so much trust, not a hint of doubt to be seen and he felt the need to kiss her, to thank her in the only way he knew how, for her unfailing trust in him, for her faith which never seemed to falter despite the odds, despite the personal nature of some of the threats they ended up facing. She was so very... Rose._

_"It's not just flying the Tardis – actually failed that test, if you can believe it," he confessed, eliciting a slight giggle and a mischievous smile from her which allowed his hearts to finally calm down again, relieved at seeing her happy. _

_"If I had believed you in any true danger, if they had actually even made the slightest move towards you, I would have gotten us out, no matter what. Being a Time Lord means an actual modicum of control over time, however much we are forbidden from ever using it. Even if Gallifrey were still alive, the only ones able to punish me, I wouldn't have hesitated. Rose, you have to believe me, _they would have never been able to touch you._"_

_Slowly, ever so slowly, her lips melted into a smile of pure relief and her eyes spoke of a gratitude she had no way of expressing. Smiling to himself, he pulled the blonde into a hug, lifting her off her feet and delighting in the sound of her laughter. He buried his face in her neck, closing his eyes, relishing in these few moments he had with her; the feeling of her body pressed against his, her lips against his ear, attempting to memorise every inch of her, every nuance to her scent, the feeling of being surrounded by her warmth, her friendship, her forgiveness._

The Tardis woke him from his daydreams, warning him that Martha had just woken up. Sighing to himself, the Doctor's hands caressed the cloth in his hand one last time, before hiding it deep in his pockets. Brown eyes darkened as he hid the memories, his emotions, his love for the woman he'd lost to the unforgiving universe, deep inside of himself and pasted a grin on that would've had her asking what was wrong with him.

No one but her ever seemed to notice the sadness lanced through his smile, the darkness that was closer to the surface than ever now that she wasn't here, the way that even laughing seemed so difficult, like it was draining him of energy. And that was the way he wanted it, he told himself, because the people he loved, truly loved, inevitably got taken away, ripped away by a universe that never seemed to care, no matter what he did to redeem himself.

* * *

His own voice kept resonating in his head.

_"Then kill me! Kill me if it'll stop you attacking these people! Then do it! Do it! Just do it! Do it!"_

His hands trembled. He was sitting on a pink bed that, though he'd slept in it several times, was definitely not his own. Martha had gone to bed – in her own room which, she complained, still looked like your run-off-the-mill hotel room. Either way, she'd stood up remarkably well under the strain of today... but even so, his mind kept thinking of all the things Rose would have done differently. It wasn't fair to Martha – or Rose – but he couldn't help himself.

Until today, the Doctor had fooled himself into believing that his moment beneath the Thames had been a one-off thing; that it had been a single moment of desperation, of self-hatred fuelled by a grief that threatened to drown him with every breath he took... he didn't have that excuse anymore and it was time to face his demons.

He had faced the Daleks, fully intending to die. Not for the humans around him, for the people, and without a single thought towards Martha, who would've been left behind, decades before she was ever born, without a way of returning home. He was so tired... tired of losing everyone he loved, of being asked to give and sacrifice and to gain nothing in return; he had killed so many to destroy all Daleks and yet here they had been again, following their prerogative as they always did – to destroy all non-Dalek forms of life.

And he had wanted to just give in, give up in the face of a universe that allowed the very worst of its creations to survive and the very best of them – Rose – to be taken away from him so cruelly. No; this was not a world he had wanted to fight for – or live in.

And yet, had Rose been there, she would have shot him a glare, would've kicked and bitten the men holding her back until she stood side by side with him, holding his hand and probably telling the Daleks that, actually, she was their greatest enemy, that she'd destroyed the Emperor.

For just a second, the barest hint of a smile formed on his face, imagining a stubborn Rose at his side, as she had always been, trying to seem more imposing than him. The amusement faded quickly and the realisation that his hand was still empty, would now always remain so, hurt more than he could express in any of the thousands of languages he was fluent in. There were no words for this kind of pain, this kind of loss.

Rose's entire room paid homage to their travels – with small pictures and plants or other tokens placed everywhere; and, above all else, lots of pictures of them, both painted and photographs taken. Some were strewn across the floor, a project she'd been working on where she was assembling them in a photo album, dating them and writing a short note below it to commemorate their time together. Rose never got to finish it and now it would always remain incomplete. He didn't have the heart to finish it, to put his own writing next to hers, to lock the pictures and memories away as if that would somehow be burying her, hiding her away when all he wanted was to dwell in his dreams, his memories, where she'd never left.

Rose had always had a way of making him feel at peace, a way of making him feel genuinely happy that he couldn't seem to recall enough even to imitate now. He missed her, missed her pleas for banana pancakes which, apparently, only he could get quite right, missed her silly dares throughout their adventures, her way of making him smile, no matter how serious the situation was and her way of soothing the darkness away with just a touch and a smile.

And yet, he knew he couldn't keep on living like this; remembering only what he lost, instead of remembering all the new friends he'd made.

He needed to start burying it, the way he used to, before he met her. The pain burrowing holes deep into his hearts, the emptiness she'd left behind, that she'd filled inside him with her every action, her every word, with the way she used to look at him, the loneliness he couldn't shake, no matter how many people were around him. Just breathing hurt and finding that every breath was not accompanied by even the slightest hint of lemon or apple or whatever Rose's latest shampoo had been, or her very own scent, a delicious mix of pheromones and Rose. He missed her, couldn't help it, but he needed to start living.

Rose had once told him she didn't want him to put her ahead of the universe and that's exactly what he was doing now. It was time to let go of that ridiculous belief, that silent promise echoing deep inside his hearts he hadn't dared put in words. Despite all his calculations, despite all of the Tardis scans, deep inside him, a part still believed, still had faith, that somehow, some way, Rose would find her way back to him.

With a broken heart and a heavy mind, he ordered the Tardis so separate his and Rose's room and to put hers into the storage. His ship rebelled and it wasn't until he opened himself to her, showed her just how much it was hurting him, that she gave in.

Rose's room was added to the storage, alongside with Jack Harkness' room, and Mickey's and Sarah-Jane's... and so many other companions he'd had that had been either left behind or left him. At least, he consoled himself, she was among friends...

It didn't help.

* * *

Every day, no matter where he turned, no matter how strong his resolution to hide his emotions, the universe seemed intent on reminding him of her.

Lazarus had been a fool; a scared young boy who got in over his head... but still, for just a moment, he'd wondered what it'd be like to have Rose with him, without the fear of facing a separation that would be too soon, no matter how long she'd been with him; but what if, rather to have her by his side for only a few years or even decades, he could've had her for centuries, for millennia, running, always running, always with her hand in his, her smile brightening his life and his hearts steadily growing with the sheer love for her.

_"Some people live more in twenty years than others do in eighty. It's not the time that matters, it's the person."_

And Rose, he knew, would be the one person he'd entrust with that power, the one person he'd have faith in. She'd had all of time and space in her control and yet only thought of saving him; how much more good could she do if she'd been allowed to stay with him, at his side, for not just a few, short decades, but if she'd be allowed to save him, help him save the universe for centuries, millennia even...? He couldn't think of anyone more deserving and yet,... and yet, the universe didn't work like that. Rose had accomplished more in her short time with him than Lazarus had in his entire life, and yet she had still been taken from him and his dreams were nothing but the vain wishes and desires of an old man.

But he'd been tempted; and, he supposed, that was the point. Just as the Krillitanes but back then he'd had both Rose and Sarah-Jane to remind him of why he wouldn't, could never take that one step that put him so cleanly across the line he'd drawn for himself. In the end, it really was a curse. A curse that meant, no matter what, he always ended up alone.

And Martha was a good companion; and this last adventure had shown him just how much he needed someone at his side; even if Martha never quite understood, she was still stopping him... even if, despite everything, he was still alone.

* * *

And suddenly there were two hearts where there used to be only one; his mind expanded and collapsed, like a burning star, as memories and knowledge were suddenly crammed into his brain that he'd forgotten, too many for a human brain to handle. But he wasn't human anymore – he was a Time Lord again, the last of them.

And, shining brighter than any planet, stripping every nebulae of its beauty, was his memory of her; so strong that even the Chameleon circuit had been unable to erase her entirely, so interwoven was she with not just his memories, but all his emotions, entangled in her very being...

Rose Tyler.

The only one he'd ever allowed himself to love, and the one torn from him and lost, to another universe, where he couldn't touch her, couldn't see her, feel her anymore.

The Time Lord gasped, his emotions crashing into him and he found himself floundering for a second, wondering just how he had done it, how he'd ever been able to suppress all _this_, especially when he had no desire to lose her again, to force himself to separate her from his everyday life when his memories, his emotions, were the only moments that still granted him some measure of peace... and yet, they were also the very thing destroying him.

This endless love mingled with despair and desire; this yearning, this unspoken longing for a person he had no hope of reaching, ever, and yet he felt his entire being, his entire self was built on that unbroken, unfailing, never-ending faith, this belief in _her_, above everyone and everything else. A human; one frail, _young_ human who had nearly torn apart the universe with her need to save her father and yet... and yet, despite the lack of rationale, despite the fact that as far as Time Lords were concerned she was the equivalent of a young child, despite the fact that she was so much less experienced, had a so much smaller view of the universe, of life, had no understanding of Physics and the way the world worked... despite all that, despite everything, he _believed in her_.

The tears, at first, were hard to stop but, with the memory of Rose's loss, with the feeling of his hearts, slowly, growing cold, came the memory of the Time War... and with that came the darkness and his eyes darkened. An unfathomably deep, endless abyss stretching out, all-encompassing, deep inside himself, threatening to engulf him with each beat of his hearts. A cold, unrelenting anger – no, fury – rose up in him and with it came the thirst for revenge, the almost tangible need to make someone – anyone – pay for ripping Rose from him, for tearing him from these few moments of happiness he'd been allowed, for just a moment – and for hurting yet another person in his life, for hurting Joan Redfern, who'd done nothing but be at the wrong place at the wrong time. He could almost taste it, the blood of his enemies, the sick feeling of satisfaction curling inside him, followed by the very real and everlasting feeling of hatred, an emotion that, for the first time, threatened to actually drown out his love before it faltered in the face of the memory of _her._ But it didn't matter – all these were inside him, bubbling away just below the surface, threatening to come out at any moment.

And with the fury, with the despair and the hatred, came the one feeling he hadn't been prepared for. The inability to forgive. And with it came the realisation that, for all intents and purposes, the family had just ripped Rose from him a second time, had taken away his belief that she may still be somewhere, just as human as him, a part of this world. And that was, in the end, what governed his mind and his hearts, as he sought to punish the ones who had so cruelly forced him to face reality again. And just as he would never be allowed to forget, he made sure they, too, would live forever, alone, as he was forced to.

It wasn't what she would've wanted, but _she wasn't here_; not to stop him and not to help him. She was gone and they would pay_._

* * *

"Who is she, this Rose?"

He halted, his breathing stopping at the name. He'd thought – he really had – that Martha would have given up after overhearing what he'd told Jack, but, apparently she'd just been biding her time. Here she was, still asking about her. Closing his eyes in pain, wishing that Rose's name would once again be able to fill him with joy rather than despair, he remained hidden behind the wall, wondering what his old companion would say about the woman they had both loved.

The clacking sound of Jack's fingers on the keyboard paused for a second, before continuing.

"What do you know about her?"

"Only that she was perfect," Martha scoffed.

Jack chuckled.

"Oh, Rose wasn't perfect, far from it."

The Doctor found his hands clenching in anger without his say-so.

"But then again, she kinda was... for him, at least. They were together, in every sense of the word, but not in the way you would understand. They didn't kiss and they certainly didn't have sex, but when you saw them together, saw the way they looked at each other, you knew. To him, I think, Rose was his entire world. I know what she did for him, because she did the same for me. When she was with you, you couldn't feel alone – you just couldn't. And Rose made everything, I don't know, hurt less, made you smile when you had been near tears just moments before. She did that for everyone, aliens and humans, just made them smile."

He leaned back against the wall, throat clogged and eyes filled with unshed tears, allowing himself a moment of weakness, a moment where the ever-present feeling of missing an essential part of himself, once again overwhelmed him and his hand twitched, looking for its counterpart, yearning for her much warmer hand which he'd never get to feel again.

Then, suddenly, Jack gave a slight laugh, saying, "and god, that pissed him off. The Doctor was so jealous every time she smiled at someone else. First time I stepped aboard the Tardis, he just gave me this glare that all but told me to keep my hands off the blonde." He paused for a moment and he could make out the slight shaking in Jack's voice, as he breathed out.

"But Rose... she just forgave you, no questions asked, no strings attached. She made you want to be a better person, mainly because as far as she was concerned, you already were. I think, for the Doctor, the sun rose and fell with Rose Tyler's smile. With her, he _was_ the Doctor."

"He still is," Martha asserted, interrupting Jack, "he _saves_ people, entire planets."

The Doctor closed his eyes, could almost hear Jack's smile laced with sorrow, as he responded, "yeah, he still saves people. But I've been with you for over twenty-four hours and I've yet to see him smile."

"What are you talking about? Of course he's been smiling-"

Jack shook his head.

"No, he hasn't been. You haven't seen him smile. With the Doctor, he doesn't say much, certainly not about his feelings, but he didn't need to. When Rose was with him, he'd smile. Not like now, but rather like she made him so happy that he had to smile, like it was an action he couldn't have stopped even if he wanted to. All I've seen of him so far is that his every action, every word, is laced with desperation and his smiles are another expression of his grief. Wish you could've seen him, when he was with her. It was like night and day. You'd understand that as much as he loved her, Rose loved him just as fiercely. If she was his sun, then he was her universe. So, no, Rose wasn't perfect. She'd be cranky, jealous and scared the hell out of us when she'd end up covered in slime after an adventure, but she made life a little bit brighter and, as cliché as it sounds, the world was a better place when it had Rose Tyler in it. Because back then, he was _her_ Doctor. And Rose's Doctor could do anything, everything, as long as she was with him. Because she believed in him, and he in her... That's who Rose Tyler was. Just a human and yet, to him, she was _everything_."

His hands were in a fist, knuckles white, as he tried to make his barriers stronger, tried, frantically, to suppress the grief, the unspeakable longing, the infinite love – for her – that tried to rise up inside him, threatened to drown him when he could ill-afford to lose his focus, his concentration. Eyes squeezed shut tightly, he used his superior biology to stop himself from crying, refusing to allow his body the relief it so craved. Now was not the time. He was up against the Master, and his enemy had had far too much time to plan against him. He couldn't give in, not now. Not with Martha just a few steps away.

He slammed down every wall in his head, every door shut tightly, until his walls were so high he could barely tell what he felt at all anymore. Satisfied, he stepped out and into the room where Jack was sitting on his laptop and Martha had occupied herself otherwise; had he not overheard their earlier discussion, he would have been hard-pressed to notice the minute shaking of Jack's hand or the slight tinge of red to his eyes from tears he had, undoubtedly, suppressed just as the Doctor had.

Still, his walls held firm and so he focussed on his current problem. Koshei.

* * *

When he was captured, aboard, along with Jack and Martha's family, he was, for the very first time, glad that Rose wasn't here anymore. Because more than anything, Koshei wanted all of his attention, wanted to play with him, and Jack was right – he would have never been able to hide how he felt for Rose; had she been here, the Master would've made her suffer simply because it would hurt him.

So, in the end, he was glad she wasn't here; at least she wouldn't have to see, wouldn't have to live through this nightmare.

_"Days of old, Doctor, you had companions who could absorb the time vortex."_

For a moment, just a moment, he'd thought the Master knew who Rose Tyler was but then he realised – she'd written her name across the stars, literally, but other than the fact that Bad Wolf was his companion, he didn't know anything else. He didn't want to find out just how much it still hurt, had the Master found out and located her old friends or paraded her belongings in front of him, her pictures, her trinkets, bits and pieces that had made up his pink and yellow human. He was glad, now, that her room was not connected to his anymore but rather safe in storage, hidden among so many others.

She was in another dimension, another world... and she was safe.

* * *

Shortly after Martha left, another blonde, another maybe-could-have-been companion was taken from him before she got her chance.

His hearts ached and the pain inside him grew until every breath hurt again, every time his hearts beat and _she_ wasn't here, wasn't with him. Maybe Rose could've saved her or maybe with Rose at his side, he could've saved her. But she wasn't here and he hadn't been able to, had watched as she fell to her death.

Astrid. Another one in an ever-growing list of people he'd failed.

* * *

Donna was a whirlwind, rapidly taking over his life with the approach of a stubborn, determined, older sister who was still insecure about herself and yet refused to show any weakness.

She frequently had him befuddled as she took to organising his life to her pleasure and, loathe though he was to admit it, he'd needed it, needed her. Donna was no more in love with him than he was with her and she understood about Rose, knew enough to not ask questions, to distract him.

And that she did, with her unbending will, her compassion and empathy, her stubborn refusal to leave him, to let him be the only one to activate Pompeii and destroy an entire civilisation. Unlike Martha, who had forced the comparison by comparing herself, constantly, Donna was herself and allowed him to forget, even for just a moment, how much he missed her still.

* * *

For just a moment, he wondered if Rose would have been able to hear it, that terrible, wonderful, painful song of the Ood. He'd forcibly closed himself off when she was with him and yet, so often – too often, he'd felt her, that bright, golden light, shimmering just at the edge of his conscience. Every time he touched her, he could feel it, pink, yellow and edged with gold, bristling with emotions and thoughts, subdued and vibrant, happy, sad, affectionate, caressing his mind until he nearly shuddered, barely able to stop himself from reaching out to her, too, the way she was to him. Rose, of course, had no idea what she was doing – or, more to the point, what she was doing to him – and yet he'd wanted what her mind so willingly offered, unaware of the consequences – and he had wanted it, so badly, to bury himself inside that light, that affection, that forgiveness until they were one, until she drowned out everything else inside him.

And yet she was human and a part of him knew that it was unlikely – the far more likely and frightening variant would've been that he would've extinguished her, her light, everything she was, that his mind would've swallowed hers with the centuries of accumulated pain and sorrow, that she would've been unable to withstand the onslaught.

And yet, a quiet, traitorous voice in the back of his mind had whispered, she withstood the Tardis.

He had never succumbed to temptation, never found out just how much Rose could tell, how much she could understand – how telepathically receptive she was. And yet, here, when Donna couldn't hear even the vaguest hum, he wondered if Rose would have; and if she would've quietly suffered through the excruciating agony of that song echoing in her head, never making mention of it for fear of drawing his attention away from saving them.

In the end, he forced himself to stop the pointless wondering which he knew he would never resolve, he'd never know. Because she was gone.

* * *

"Doctor?"

He gave Donna his wide smile, the false one, because he'd forgotten how to truly smile. This body had been born with Rose in his mind, had been made for her, and it did not seem to be able to fully function without her.

"Hm?" he responded absently, flicking switches on the Tardis console, dreading the conversation that was coming even if he didn't know what it was. His companion had that dreadful, hesitant tone to her which inevitably meant they wanted to talk to him about something he definitely did not want to talk about.

"Why don't you ever talk about her? I mean, I know it must hurt, but don't you think it would help? Having someone else, I mean, to remember her."

Compassionate, wonderful Donna. He paused, throat closed up. Rose had asked him – practically begged him, in fact, not to forget her, had pleaded with him, asked him to not leave her behind like Sarah Jane, to be the only one to remember her. And yet- it hurt. Deep inside him, everything ached just thinking of her, of the love of his lifes, and to share that with someone else, anyone else, was showing a vulnerable side of himself he had not shared with anyone but her.

"You don't have to," Donna amended quickly, obviously having noticed the shadow of pain crossing his face.

"She would have wanted me to," he finally admitted, dark eyes searching out the redhead, trying to force himself past the pain and the grief, to talk about her.

"Rose hated it," he finally blurted out, before elaborating after a moment, voice only slightly less urgent, "Spaghetti Carbonara. Went on a date, once, and the boy thought he'd order for her." His lips twitched, almost turning into a grin at the memory of her eyes sparkling mischievously. "She emptied her entire glass of wine over him. Didn't much like the pretentiousness, preferred companionship rather than fancy or expensive restaurants. Reminds me a bit of you, actually, that way."

He sighed, grateful that for once Donna had not interrupted him but rather remained silent.

"The reason she didn't like it because she was embarrassed, didn't think she'd fit in or be good enough. Bit like you; you're brusque and a force of nature to cover up your feelings, your embarrassment, pretend you're more confident than you actually feel, have yet to realise that you being who you are, that just being Donna Noble is more than enough, is more than most people could ever dream of being," for the first time he offered her a smile and allowed his affection to show – not the love he had for Rose but rather the deep-seated affection, almost sibling-type love he had for her, for Donna. He could see her eyes water and continued, pretending not to see how much his words had affected her.

"Rose was like that, too, never thinking she was enough, never understanding just how much she meant to so many people." He shrugged slightly, knowing that he had not helped that feeling, had, in fact, shortly after his regeneration accidentally enforced that notion – first with Sarah Jane then with Reinette.

The pain in his hearts increased, throbbing with every word.

"She loved celebrating things, little things," he recalled, remembering the many times she'd come up to him, positively beaming with excitement. So many anniversaries, so many firsts she'd been intent on honouring. "First time we met, first time Jack came on board, first dance, first alien planet and then of course the big things like Birthdays and Christmases. Rose saw the wonder in little things and appreciated every moment. And," he added after a pause, admitting only hesitantly the words as the truth hurt, knowing that the feeling of inexplicable wonder had left him, with her, "through her, so did I."

It had taken him a long time to realise he had started keeping track, started counting, without any prompt from her and had even started his own celebrations, his own little commemorations of dates. The day she said 'there's me', the day she agreed to travel with him, the first time she found her way into his bed after a nightmare, the first time he learned that when Rose Tyler believed in you, it was unfaltering, unbending, infinite; she would never stop believing in you, no matter what you did, and would always be there to remind you of who you wanted to be, rather than who you thought you were.

The grief inside him seemed to increase exponentially, the pain nearly unbearable and he knew his hands were shaking, his eyes were glassy.

"Rose," he finally managed to squeeze out, voice rough and trembling, "said I showed her how to lead a better life. Only I didn't – she already knew how to. Rather, the truth is that Rose showed me not what being the Doctor meant or simply forgave me, she showed me the kind of man I already was, in her eyes and that there was nothing – _nothing_ – I wouldn't do for her."

Swallowing hard, he looked down, allowed the shadows to obscure his face as he took a moment to gather himself, refusing to let even Donna see just how much it hurt to talk about her, to remember just how much he loved her, how much better, how much easier, life had been when her hand had still been in his.

"Doctor," Donna's voice was choked with tears and yet, when he looked up, he refused to let her see the grief that still encompassed both his hearts as they beat hollowly against his chest, echoing in a deep rhythm that spoke of all he'd lost, of how empty he was inside.

"Time for bed, I think," he announced to the room at large, eyes hooded as watched the redhead trying to compose herself.

"I think I would have liked her," she finally told him, a soft smile on her face, before leaving and turning down the corridor, to her room.

He watched as Donna left the room and for a moment, just a moment, he could imagine it, them meeting, and, unwittingly, his lips curled up in a smile. He wouldn't have had a moment's peace between the two of them.

* * *

_"And this, Rose, this is Woman Wept. Believe it or not, this is actually the middle of Summer; Winter on this planet is too cold for humans to survive in. No one lives on this planet but in the Summer a lot of religious orders find their way here to meditate and enjoy the peace and quiet."_

_"'s beautiful, Doctor," Rose said, her eyes widened in amazement, unable to look away from the frozen waves._

_"Of course," he started, grinning slightly as he quietly gathered snow off the ground into a ball behind his companion's back, "never much been one for quiet."_

_With a flick of his wrist he launched the snowball and watched, satisfied, as it hit his target and slowly slid down her back. Rose turned around, watching him, agape for a moment, before a wicked smile stretched across her face._

_"Oh, you didn't."_

_Grinning widely, whipping on his feet, another snowball in his hand, ready to be launched, he teased, "Oh, but I did."_

_Her laughter was music to his ears and his hearts skipped for a moment and Rose took advantage of his temporary distraction to launch her own snowball at him. The Time Lord spluttered as the icy snow exploded in his face, taken aback and realising a moment later that, in some respects, she really was her mother's daughter – not that he'd tell her that – and, apparently, that included her aim and the unbelievable strength behind her throw. _

_When the snow finally stopped obscuring his vision, for just a moment, time stopped. Rose was grinning at him cheekily, a wolf's grin where her tongue peaked out between her lips in a way that never failed to make his hearts flush with a curious mix of affection and desire, and her amber eyes sparkled with delight, cheeks flushed from the cold, melted snow dripping off her like dewdrops. He wanted to remember her like this, wanted to engrave every second into his brain; the way the cold hurt when he took a deep breath, the way she made him feel alive, made him behave like a lovestruck teenager, the way his hearts beat, just for her, and the way his hands trembled with his need to hold her, touch her, the way he longed to kiss her, feel her lips under his and find out if they were as cold as his or if, somehow, inexplicably, she'd retained some of that innate warmth and would set him on fire. _

_In every way he knew, Rose Tyler was his weakness, the one person in the world that could make him give in, give up, that could make him say what he never told anyone, speak to her in ways he'd never have dared to with his own wife, his family; she was the one person enemies could use to coerce him, to force him to do their bidding. And yet, above all else, above the weakness she was to him; she was his strength, the one who lend him her own fierce determination, had a way of making him stand up when his nightmares left him shaken, weak in the knees, as if he'd never be able to stand up again. Rose Tyler was everything he'd never dared to hope for, never dared to imagine or dream he'd ever find and yet, now that he'd found her, she was the one thing he couldn't imagine living without; his strength, his weakness, his love, his obsession, his desire, his passion, his life, his guide, his family, his trust and his faith – no, not faith. Faith was too simple a word to describe what she was to him, how much he believed in her. _

_Rose Tyler was his entire religion. _

_And then time resumed and he quickly threw the snowball he had, ducking another one of hers, laughing loudly when she grumbled at the fact that he'd managed to evade hers. But moments later, in a move he hadn't expected, Rose had launched herself at him and forced him into the snow. _

_He would deny it until his last breath, but he wouldn't mind losing to her. But this was not the day he'd lose to her, not yet. Grinning mischievously, suppressing his shiver at the cold snow she'd forced under his jacket, his hands slid around her waist and, to her surprise, lifted her easily off him. His blonde companion had made the unfortunate mistake of forgetting about his superior strength. Chuckling darkly, he reversed their positions._

For a moment, just a short beat of his hearts, he thought she was still with him, expected to find her warmth just beside him, her discontent murmurs at his movements, blonde hair spread around her, eyes dark, the colour of whiskey, as she blinked at him and full lips drawn into a pout, silently begging him not to get up, not yet. With a warm smile he found himself turning, wanting to explain how he'd remembered their snowfight on Woman's Wept, only to find his bed empty, his room desolate, dark, devoid of her.

The smile dropped and the Doctor gasped in pain, feeling his hearts freeze, a coldness spreading through his entire system until, for just a moment, he'd thought he'd been poisoned. He hadn't been, of course he hadn't; it was simply her absence that made his hearts grow cold, made his throat close up and feel like he was choking, gasping for a breath he didn't need, his entire body aching, needing to feel her; her hand in his, her body warming his bed, her voice to remind him that there was something other than silence, her smile lighting up his world and her very presence to chase away the darkness, the emptiness in his head.

But that would never be, could never be; she was gone. He'd barely slept since she left. Not that he needed much sleep; he was a Time Lord, after all, and with superior biology... biology he dearly wished Rose would have had; maybe it would have given her that extra strength she needed to hold on, to stay with him.

Donna was still deeply asleep, he knew, as he padded out of his room, eyes dark with melancholy, a deep-seated need inside him that could not be completely quelled, never again, but that could at least be soothed. The path was an all too familiar one; though her room was now in storage he'd been unable to stop himself from searching it out all too often.

Feeling drawn, energy sapped, he sank onto the Tardis-blue carpet, leaning against the pink bed linens, closing his eyes and pretending, pretending that he could hear the shower, that he could hear her, just a few steps away, happy and with him, the way she'd promised him she would always be. A promise she'd broken shortly afterwards.

He knew it wasn't fair, had, in fact, attempted to send her to that same parallel world without her consent just moments prior to when she lost her grip, but it still burned deep inside him, stung the way an open wound always did. Why couldn't she have held on for longer? Just a little longer...? Why couldn't she stay with him? He'd have traded everything, _everything_, in this entire universe to have her at his side. He would have lived the slow life if necessary, gotten a job, a mortgage, if it would have kept her with him.

Chasing away the dark thoughts, dark thoughts that all led to her being gone, he allowed himself to use his fabulous mind to recall her voice, surround himself with her scent until even he could, for just a moment, believe that she was actually here, with him. It wasn't healthy, wasn't good, but he didn't care; he'd given up a long time ago, given up denying one very simple fact.

He didn't know how to be the Doctor anymore, not without Rose Tyler at his side.

* * *

First Martha had called and then there'd been the Sontaran debacle and now she was on another planet with him and Donna, again. He could pick up so many of his former companions again, should he wish to, all but her.

He hadn't meant to; it had become an unconscious actions – the way his hands used to seek out Rose's, the same way he now sought out her jumper in his pockets, something to soothe away the pain. And then they'd taken his hand and used his genetic material to make a daughter... except she wasn't just his.

The reasons he rejected her were many, but, above all of them stood that she was the genetic daughter of not just him, but rather of Rose and him. The moment he'd seen her, had seen that sparkle in her eyes, he'd suspected. Blonde hair, eyes like his, and yet her emotions, laughter and thirst for adventure so much like her, like Rose. His Rose... And then he'd found it; that one, stubborn strand of blonde hair wrapped around his finger and he'd understood with terrible certainty that Jenny really was Rose's daughter. And his. And that she would never get to see her, to see her mother, because of him. And he was a dad again. It had been so long, he'd been nearly certain he'd forgotten how to be one.

And Donna – good, wonderful, Donna kept prodding him, not realising that he was rejecting Jenny only because it hurt so much to look at her, to see that glint in her eyes, that curling of her lips that was too familiar and made his hearts ache and burn. But, in the end, she was _Rose's _daughter and there was no way his hearts had not already made a place for her inside of them.

And then she, too, was gone, taken from him except this time he had someone to blame, a very real culprit, someone responsible. And he'd wanted, wanted it so badly, could feel the darkness encroaching, could taste the blood in his mouth, the need to... but he didn't.

_The man who never would._

Because, in the end, she was Rose's daughter and if he knew one thing about her, then it was that she wouldn't have wanted him to.

And so Jenny, too, was taken from his side, as her mother had been. Too young, too little time together, too much time spent not appreciating every moment; he'd never gotten to see her as a baby, never got to see her grow, just had her with him for less than a day and yet she, too, had found her way into his hearts with unprecedented speed, a place she'd carved out all for herself deep inside of him.

And now he had yet another piece of emptiness echoing deep inside of him, doomed to never be filled again. Because, like her mother, Jenny too had gone, disappeared beyond his reach.

* * *

And far too soon thereafter, they went to the library and the Doctor learned something that nearly made him break, made his hearts scream and yet his throat was closed and his eyes dark as he accepted the stark reality.

Dr. River Song. Archeologist.

And she knew his name – not the Doctor, not that one, no; she knew his real name, his true one. The name he could've only given her if he married her.

He had married _her_.

And he loathed himself for it; didn't understand what could possibly ever make him marry this woman when all he had ever wanted, all he had ever dared to dream of in the darkest of nights, was Rose Tyler, whispering his name, his true name. He'd held himself back, then, had believed that Rose needed to know him better, needed to understand just who he truly was and now he wished he'd asked her anyway. Because she'd loved him; even if he hadn't known up until that dreadful day on the beach, he wished, desperately, he'd had the courage to tell her anyway, to ask her. To be his.

Because now it was too late.

Not that it hadn't already been, since she was in a different dimension, but this was a most cruel twist, brought a finality to their relationship in a way he'd never expected. River Song had not married him in a casual Earth ceremony, not in a way he could break; she'd married him the traditional Gallifreyan way – he had given her his true name.

And he didn't understand, couldn't, how he'd _ever_ feel anything even remotely close to what he'd felt for Rose for anyone else. He couldn't imagine himself ever wanting to endure his kind of pain again, but above all else, he couldn't imagine he ever could feel as much for anyone else as he had for her.

She was Rose Tyler, his Rose. And he'd just... betrayed her.

For all he knew, she was moving on with her life and yet he couldn't stop himself, couldn't stop the nagging feeling inside of him, that said he'd just walked over grave, he'd just betrayed the woman he loved, had married someone else instead of her, no matter what reasons he may have had.

River was flirting, and, admittedly, intriguing, but there was no spark; she didn't make his hearts flutter and when she smiled he didn't feel compelled to respond in kind. Her mere presence didn't lighten the darkness in his head, in his hearts and, on top of that, he couldn't feel the bond he'd expected between, couldn't feel her mind touch his the way he'd been told it would be, through every regeneration right down to his first body... there was nothing.

And yet he'd apparently bound himself to her for eternity, because how else could she know his name?

* * *

And then, when Donna said those two words, his heart leapt for joy and his mind screamed in sorrow.

Rose was back.

But he'd married someone else.

And, for infinitesimal but glorious moment in time, they had even had a daughter; and he'd have to tell her, tell her that she had slipped through his fingers, that she'd never get to meet Jenny.

And he could never marry her, had betrayed her.

But even that couldn't quite stop him, couldn't extinguish the joy at the mere thought that she was back now, with him. His Rose.

He didn't know and he didn't care, not now. He just wanted to hold her, feel her hand in his, even if the entire universe collapsed. She was back, at his side. The way she was meant to be.

That Tardis was singing again, of joy and love, of reunion and of grief.

And the Doctor found he didn't care why there was still sorrow in the song his ship sang; no matter what, it couldn't be that bad. Because, somehow, Rose Tyler had done the impossible, had broken every rule of the universe as he knew it and made her way back to him.

The words he'd once spoke to the beast echoed in his head and even though he didn't understand how he could ever lose his faith in her of all things enough to marry someone else, for right now he'd been proven right, again. His impossible girl had found her way back to him against the odds.

And if there was one thing he believed in, it was her.

And that now that he had her back, he would never, ever let her go again._ Not for anything._

* * *

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter, so please review.

Thank you to all the previous reviewers, below are your responses:

* * *

**CupcakeFlake**

Yay – a new reviewer and reader! Thanks ever so much for the review! I'm glad I managed to draw you in and you're enjoying it. A quick note, though she has been in that universe for eight years, she has actually only killed for three years. It took them four years to actually convince her to believe in the reality they were creating. She left with only one year left before she'd return, so there were three years in between. Yep, definitely can see where you draw the correlation between the two. In that case, I do hope the title of this chapter rings yet another bell – I loved Fred. She was brilliant, too! I'm glad you liked Rose's solution. I tried and tried to come up with anything else that would have been on video and could have, potentially lasted through the years but things keep getting updated and re-enacted and that was the only certain thing I could think off, so there you go.

I do hope you enjoyed this chapter which gave you a bit of the Doctor's perspective on things without his beloved. Unfortunately, the Doctor finding out it still a bit away. Well, sort of and sort of not. Hmmm... I think I'll stop giving hints – it just causes a lot of confusion. Anyway, so glad you are reading and I hope you enjoyed the update. Next chapter has the reunion – finally! I'd love to hear what you think about this chapter as well.

* * *

**TheDoctorMulder **

Yay! Welcome back! I missed you – and thank you for the review. I'm glad you empathise with her. I think it would be terribly difficult to separate yourself from the actions you took under their control and Rose is a very emotional creature, she'd definitely take it very hard. I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope this chapter is just as enjoyable, giving us a quick glance from the Doctor's perspective. I'd love to hear from you again!

* * *

**lillideathflower**

YAY! Someone new! Thank you so much for the review and I'm glad I've got you hooked. Thanks so much for the compliments *blush*. I do hope you're enjoying this latest chapter, a quick peek at the Doctor without her, before the next chapter has her and him reunited – finally. I would love to hear from you again and find out what you think of this chapter.

* * *

**Darkwolfberlin**

Hallo – danke fuer deine Kommentare. Du wirst dich freuen, das naechste Kapitel hat jetzt endlich die Wiedervereinigung. Ich musste dieses Kapitel schreiben um ein bisschen mehr Einsicht in den Doktor zu gewaehren, wie er ohne Rose war. Vielen Dank fuer deine Komplimente. Ich kann religioese Vernatiker auch nicht leiden; wenn man schon nicht in der Lage ist, die Fakten zu akzeptieren (150 weisse Rosinen faelschlicherweise als 150 Jungfrauen uebersetzt, sowie dass es keinen roemischen Zensus zu der besagten Zeit gab und tausend andere wissenschaftlich mehrfach belegte Fakten – nicht Hypothesen, Fakten! – die alle belegen wie sehr diese Schriften all erfunden wurden), dann sollte man zumindest nicht andere dafuer verklagen, dass sie inder Lage sind ihr Gehirn einzuschalten und logisch nachzudenken. Sorry, wie du siehst ist es ein empfindliches Thema. Ich finde es einfach manchmal schwer zu glauben, dass Menschen glauben, Religion koennte es rechtfertigen, andere Menschen umzubringen, oder jeden dritten Jungen zu ermorden etc. Aber wie dem auch sei, vielen lieben Dank fuer deinen Kommentar. Es macht spass, wieder mal auf Deutsch zu diskutieren :) Ich hoffe das heutige Kapitel hat deine Erwartungen erfuellt und ich verspreche, im naechsten Kapitel haben wir endlich die Wiedervereinigung. Habe mich umentschlossen, Abalon passt besser ins naechste Kapitel als das heutige. Wuerde mich echt freuen, wieder von dir zu hoeren!

* * *

**angieclever**

Another new reviewer! Thank you so much for your review. And a great, big thank you also for saying you're scared! I'm glad I managed to frighten you. I do hope you enjoyed this new chapter with the Doctor. I promise the next one will have the reunion and I'd love to hear from you again, see what you thought of the Doctor's point of view.

* * *

**Technokitty818**

Yay, thank you so very much for your review. I'm glad you're looking forward and I do hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was a bit more difficult writing entirely from the Doctor perspective, but also great fun and I do hope his emotions carried across well in my writing. She travelled for several decades but is still less than a century old at this point; that's as much as I'll say about her age at the moment :) I do promise the next chapter will finally have the long-awaited reunion and I hope you'll enjoy it. Thanks so much again for reviewing and I'd really love to hear your take on this chapter.

* * *

**SassyFrassKerr**

Hey – thank you so much for your review. Glad I didn't go with my first draft, which, aside from other flaws, was also much, much more difficult to understand and much more obtuse about what was happening. I would have had everyone totally confused about what was going on.

I feel terrible now. This chapter is not very fluffy except for momentary flashbacks. The next one will be all fluffy and dramatic, and sad and happy if that helps. Yep – you guessed it; everyone's long-awaited reunion is finally coming. I'd love to hear what you think of the Doctor's perspective (this chapter). Thanks so much for taking the time to always review.


	12. The Stolen Earth

Hi Everyone,

Sorry this one took so long, but I discovered something when writing this which I was previously blissfully unaware of. I absolutely, utterly and totally hate rewriting episodes with a passion. It's a chore, a task, and I don't enjoy it. Normally writing just flows but this was really, really hard to get on paper; I expect the next chapter will be no different, if not worse. Sorry, but you'll have to wait. I do hope this has not carried across into my writing and I do hope you'll still enjoy it.

**Quick recommendations:** Read the Harry Potter fanfic "Deprived" by The Crimson Lord. Even if you don't like HP (I don't like reading JK); this one's brilliant! And watch the documentary series "Power of Nightmares" by Adam Curtis! Fantastic stuff!

This is dedicated to all my old and the surprisingly massive influx of new reviewers as well as my brilliant beta reader – **The Clever Doctor**; you have her to thank for me not finishing with a half-hearted chapter at 8k! Thank you all for sharing your thoughts with me – this chapter is for you guys (16 reviewers! WOW! You are the best ever! Thank you so much!):

**Hotsasukefan **

**50penny**

**eleanoralovesananias **

**Bad Wolf Jen**

**Diving in**

**MuppetKatie**

**lizbethia **

**lillideathflower**

**cecilehem**

**Kylaia78**

**AppleGrass15 **

**Darkwolfberlin**

**hyperdragon97 **

**SassyFrassKerr **

**Technokitty818**

**CupcakeFlake**

* * *

"Sometimes I think there's way too much coincidence around you, Donna," he finally admitted what had been bothering him the entire time about his companion. "I met you once, then I met your grandfather, then I met you again. In the whole wide universe, I met you for a second time. It's like something's binding us together."

He couldn't put his finger on it; it was at the tip of his tongue, like there were hints everywhere and he just needed to connect the dots. And there was something else, something just at the edge of his senses, something tingling, warning him. A storm was approaching.

"Don't be so daft," Donna rebutted as expected. Not for the first time he wondered if he didn't specifically go out looking for companions in people who thought less of themselves, who thought they didn't measure up. Oh, that and obviously jeopardy-friendly ones who disobeyed every single instruction and rule he ever gave them. He withheld a sigh, looking at the redhead at his side. "I'm nothing special," she continued, oblivious to his thoughts.

"Yes, you are," he assured her, trying to put as much emphasis as he could behind the words, "you're _brilliant_."

She gifted him with a wide smile and he couldn't help but remember Rose, who had also always thought less of herself, whose mother had instilled her with the same lack of confidence Donna had, a deep-seated understanding of not being good enough. He showed them the universe, watched them save entire planets and still they were convinced they weren't good enough. How do you make someone believe in themselves?

In the end, Donna much like Rose had, in a way, saved him from himself. Oh, his new redheaded companion couldn't take the pain away fully, couldn't make him believe that maybe, for once, everything would turn out alright the way Rose had, but she had helped in letting the pain dull a bit. It was still there, ever-present, a deep ache with his every breath, but it wasn't quite as debilitating, wasn't quite as unbearable and he'd even started to realise that, as devastating as her loss was, as difficult as living every day without her still was and, he suspected, always would be, Donna had made him realise that he really _could_ live without Rose.

His companion's voice ripped him out of his thoughts, her voice hesitant but rapid, as though Donna had recalled something she hadn't remembered for a long time, "she said that."

Blinking in surprise, he looked back at the redhead. "Who did?"

"That woman," his companion said before shaking her head slightly, continuing, "I can't remember."

Ah, the Doctor realised, her parallel world.

"Well, she never existed now," he said, a tinge of real regret in his voice, trying to dismiss someone she was unlikely to meet again – though that was probably not a bet he wanted to make, considering Donna's rather remarkable history in regards to coincidences. Shame though, his companion could've used someone else in her corner.

"No," Donna denied, eyes wide and firmly meeting his, as she obviously recalled more details, "but she said the stars..." the redhead paused, trying to remember something that was rapidly slipping out her mind, before continuing, "she said the stars are going out."

It was a hard concept to grasp, he realised, having an entire parallel world created around you and then having it gone, people different to what you remembered and expected; of course Donna would be struggling with it.

"Yeah, but that world's gone," he tried to explain again, but the redhead interrupted, her head shaking quickly.

"No," she asserted, "but she said it was all worlds. Every world."

The moment those words had been said he could feel it, a yearning, a hope he didn't dare even think of, for fear of breaking it. It couldn't be, right? But... she'd said all worlds, every world... And if every world then... Conceivably,_ she _could've... Still, squashing the notion, refusing to allow himself even the faintest of hopes, knowing just how much it hurt every time he saw a blonde woman who reminded him of her only to realise it wasn't her, not Rose, he clenched his hands tightly, hoping the pain would fight what he had no hope fighting against. It simply couldn't be. It couldn't. She was safe.

"She said the darkness is coming," Donna continued, unaware of his inner turmoil. "Even here."

His chest clamped, his hearts slowed and yet he still refused to entertain the absurd notion that she'd come back. She was gone. Forever.

"Who was she?" he found himself asking, desperate, trying to extinguish the hope burning brighter inside him with every second.

"I don't know," Donna's eyes left his as she tried to recall the moments that were slipping away with every passing second.

He had to know, he had to. "What did she look like?" the Time Lord attempted, hoping to find out something that would stop the tightening of his throat, the trembling of his fingers; because he knew, without a doubt, that it couldn't be her. And yet, he doubted, he believed, he had faith in the one person he could never see again. He was a fool, but he could no longer help himself.

"She was... blonde," Donna said and it was his downfall. The hope rose until he could scarcely breathe, until his hands shook with the effort of not shaking Donna and forcing her to tell him everything she knew, until his hearts were filled with nothing but Rose, his love, his yearning and his unshakable belief which stood up even in the face of the impossible.

Okay, he told himself, even if they were blonde and female, there were millions of those out there. It didn't have to be her...

...But it _could _be...

"What was her name?" he demanded, voice quick and urgent. He had to know; if it was her, if she was coming back then... then...

"I don't know," the redhead was shaking her head and it took everything not to grip her, not to ask her if he could look at her mind or – even worse – her timeline to find out. But this was Rose. Might be Rose, he corrected himself quickly, forcing himself not to even think of doing the unforgivable. Donna was his friend.

"Donna," he said again, knowing some of his fierce need, his urgency, was transferred to his voice, but unable to help himself, "_what was her name_?"

It could be Rose, his hearts said with every double-beat and for the first time he succumbed to it. Hope. It was glorious; it made him feel alive in ways he hadn't known he'd missed, his blood singing and his mind filled with happy memories – memories of her – the longing abated, the need, the desperation, got subdued for the first time in such a long time that he was surprised to find how much easier it was to breathe without those feelings choking his every breath.

And that was another thing; he could _breathe _and enjoy the moment rather than feeling the need to analyse every second. It was wonderful and brilliant and magnificent and _fantastic_.

And it was also the very reason he'd not allowed himself to hope, not until now, because he'd known, _known, _just how much it would hurt again, how bad he would be – like when he met Donna for the first time. He didn't want to go through that again, didn't want to wonder, in the darkest corner of his hearts, if it wasn't easier to just give in, to die alongside his enemy – one last hurrah.

"But she told me..." Donna said, brows furrowed, "to warn you... She said two words."

He hated suspense; had never enjoyed it; well, not unless he created it for dramatic effect... but not on this topic, not where _she_ was concerned.

"What two words?" he pressed her. "What were they? What did she say?"

And then she said them; two words he simultaneously dreaded and yet made him want to cry in relief.

"Bad Wolf," Donna said and his heart stopped for an instant. She was back; Rose, his Rose, was back... and the end of the universe was impending; something so large, of such magnitude it could affect not only this world but parallel ones? Oh, he should be scared, frightened even. And he was, truly, he was, but it was distant, every echo of his hearts a hymn to her, a prayer, a memory that no matter what, they could face it. Together. Because they were going to be together again in ways he hadn't dared ever hope for and never allowed himself to believe could happen and yet she had, once again, made the impossible, possible. Bad Wolf. Words that meant his death, but, more than anything, they meant his rebirth, they told him she was coming, to help him, to save him; the way she had done since the very first moment he met her.

"What does it mean?" Donna's eyes found his and he found himself unable to explain, needed the proof, needed to see the truth with his own eyes. Stumbling, desperate in his need to get outside and verify her words, the Doctor rushed up and as soon as he was out of the room he saw it.

It was everywhere. Bad Wolf. The words, in every language, an endless repetition, no matter where he looked. Rose was back. Rose, wonderful, beautiful, Rose Tyler. Even his beautiful ship was inscribed, her name across the box and he could feel the Tardis' humming warningly in his mind. He knew why, had known it as soon as he knew she was back. The end of the universe. Rose was back, but at a cost. It was time to find out what the cost was, and he hoped to god it was something he could pay, some way he could save the universe and still have her with him. He didn't want to lose her again, not just after he'd found her.

"Doctor, what is it?" Donna asked, a few steps behind him as he had rushed inside the ship, undoubtedly surprised by the red emergency lighting – the Tardis had refused to change it back to mauve once Rose had said she liked it despite his protests – and the sound of the cloister bell.

"What's Bad Wolf?" she questioned and for the first time he allowed himself to be afraid, to dread what was coming. Because, just like the last time she'd come for him, just like the last time when her name had been written across the stars, there was a cost, a price. The last time he'd given his life; and if that's all it was, he'd gladly give it, as long as it just meant he'd have her hand in his again – not this him, maybe, but him nonetheless. There was so much he still wanted to do, to see, to taste – in this body, the body born and made for Rose Tyler. But it was a small price to pay for her return.

And unfortunately, the Tardis didn't seem to think that whatever was coming was insignificant or small.

"It's the end of the universe," he announced to Donna, swallowing down his panic once he realised it had carried over in his voice. It would be too cruel if he was bound to lose Rose just after finding her again. He'd fight. He wouldn't relinquish her hand, wouldn't let her go, not again. He refused to. And there was very, very little he couldn't do when he set his mind to it. His panic, his fear, subsided, replaced by sheer determination and focus.

Time to save this universe, all other parallel worlds and find Rose Tyler; and not necessarily in that order.

* * *

Shivering, Rose came to on the hardwood floor of her apartment. Wincing, gingerly, the blonde sat up, looking around herself. It had happened often enough now and with ever-increasing frequency so she knew very well what had taken place.

Still, this time had been close, she recalled – far too close for comfort. The pain had been excruciating and her decision to fight against the time vortex in Pete's world had made it increase exponentially. The pain had amplified until her body had been in spasms and Rose had completely lost control over herself, her body moving without her say-so, without control or thought. And she had been tired, so tired, and breathing hurt and it had been so god-damn hard to hold onto even the slightest thought, that she'd nearly given in, nearly lost her fight and herself, nearly allowed herself to be erased. At the very last moment, she'd remembered what was happening, that she couldn't just give in – that it wouldn't be losing the battle, it'd be losing the war – and so she had fought back, but it had been close – too close. In the end, even after the attack subsided, the pain had been too much and she'd fallen unconscious right after.

With a slight hiss, Rose forced herself to stand up and made her way to the shower. During last night's episode she'd obtained several new bruises and had come to the frightening realisation that she couldn't wait any longer. Not even a single day. This was her last, her only chance; she couldn't survive another episode like that.

The dimension cannon had to be adjusted now that it was – relatively – portable. It was cumbersome, large and heavy, but it wasn't anywhere near impossible. But Pete would just have to give them the go ahead. And besides, there were only a handful of stars left between them and Earth's disappearance. Time was, quite literally, running out.

Taking a deep breath, Rose slung the dimension cannon over her shoulder.

* * *

"You can discharge the dimension cannon, if need be," one of the scientists advised, brows furrowed in concentration as he rushed to make last minute checks. "It is pure energy; should be able to kill or disable just about anything. We haven't had time to test it under the right circumstances since you insisted on going today, but it should recharge itself fairly quickly."

Rose nodded, indicating her understanding of the functionalities, though her heart was heavy. Pete had insisted and he wasn't wrong, but the knife in her shoes, the gun at her waist and now this large one on her felt too heavy, bearing on her conscience with more than their physical weight. More deaths she would be responsible for. More people, more aliens. It was only too obvious that they didn't know whom they were entrusting with these weapons.

Nevertheless, Rose was left with little choice but to accept the weapons they supplied her with. Her Doctor hated guns and he would see just how different she was. She knew, more than most others, just how much he feared that he changed his companions and she'd appear in front of him, one of the few ones he had dared to believe had not been turned into a soldier, showing him the exact opposite. And it would hurt him; she'd hurt him. Closing her eyes for a second, pushing down her grief, her anger, Rose accepted the fact that she had no choice. Whatever was strong enough to break down the barriers, to destroy all the universes; she needed to be able to defend herself; at least long enough to find him. The Doctor... Not her Doctor, not anymore. To be honest, she'd lost the right to use that moniker a long time ago, long before now; the first time she betrayed everything he stood for, the first time she learned how to shoot, how to kill instead of learning how to heal and help. The pain, both physical and emotional, had by now just become another part of everyday life, an inescapable fact of her existence.

Jake pulled her into yet another embrace and Mickey watched on from the back of the room, eyes suspiciously red. She gave him a soft smile but could no longer put her heart behind it.

Stepping out of Jake's arms and moving back, away from him, she used the machine in her hand to pull her through the dimensions, refusing to say any more goodbyes. Rose had learned to hate them as time passed. There had been too many people she'd never get to see again, too many people she'd been forced to say goodbye to as they bled out in her arms, too many she'd left behind, never to be seen again. She would have liked to say that at least when she'd left, she had made sure they lived in a better place, a better world; that she had ensured her friends lives were better, that they would not be forced to fight for their daily survival, but the simple fact was, that she hadn't. She'd tried, had fought so hard, every time, but in the end, she was not the Doctor, had left some worlds no better than they had started out with and left her friends, her family, behind, abandoned them and left them to deal with the fallout.

Others, living on a planet not ravaged by war, had never understood and she refused to tell them, to take their innocence, to explain about aliens and wars which the human race had been unequipped to even offer a fight, the sad reality of how vast the universe really was and how easy, how quickly humanity could be overrun. To them, she had just disappeared one day, knowing that they would never understand her goodbye, would never understand the inescapable fact, that they would never see each other again, that there wouldn't be any 'accidental' run-ins.

And Rose started to learn, to understand, just why the Doctor had never said goodbye to Sarah Jane, why it hurt so much; because she knew what she was leaving behind, how little she had done to help and how ill-equipped they were to deal with anything that came after she was gone. A goodbye was something you said to friends; how could she see herself as their friend, their family, if she was willing to leave them behind just like that? And yet, Rose prioritised one man above them; oh, she told herself she was saving them, was saving their dimension in doing so, but the truth was, that she wanted to be back with him, at his side. _He_ saved people, saved worlds, and made everywhere he went a better place. She didn't have that strength, that knowledge, but she wanted to help him. Rose was tired of losing, tired of losing not just everyone that she loved, but of losing the battles, the war, of trying and failing where the Doctor would have succeeded.

* * *

The moment she entered the right universe – not a parallel world where her own should have been – it was _magnificent._ She was still just matter, separate cells forced through the barriers, the walls that separated all worlds and it would take a moment before she coalesced. Normally, it would all be an instant to her; the tearing apart of her body, her very essence, atom by atom, and its subsequent reassembling – a nauseating, painful instant, but an instant nonetheless.

This time, however, every part of her hummed and sang, and a feeling spread through her, a feeling of being home, of being welcomed back, of a warm hug on a dreary day as the vortex rushed through her and the power of time itself at her fingertips. So she held on, allowed the instant to stretch to a moment, to taste the ancient power on her non-existent tongue, allowed herself to be part of it, to be everywhere and anywhere, any when, all at once. Rose allowed her entire self to stretch and fill until she felt the power would either force her to her knees in submission or make her cry in delight, until every part of her was submerged and yet riding all that power, all that had been, is and ever could be.

And in that moment she allowed her name to spread across the stars, told the entire universe that she was back – back where she belonged, the one place where she had always been meant to be – relished in the power that had formed her, that had allowed her to come this far, to travel so many worlds and yet still find her way back here, to the place she'd been born, the universe her Doctor had sacrificed so much to protect.

Bad Wolf.

Two words which, for a few moments, were written in every known language in every galaxy, every planet at the same time, announcing the return of a goddess, a warrior, a singularly unique being of time, before disappearing again, just long enough to herald her coming to her friends and to put fear into the hearts of her enemies. And then Rose let go, allowed time around her to resume, allowed the dimension cannon to forcefully return her body to Earth, to where it had last tracked the Tardis.

* * *

Rose stumbled upon her landing, feeling oddly off-kilter with the heavy machinery weighing her down and her return to a full-fledged human being with a corporeal body rather than a conglomeration of matter which had no physical body to observe the effects of gravity with.

Before she could regain her balance, she could feel a memory changing, a new fixed point with her at its center where there had been none previously. It wasn't malicious, Rose could tell that much easily – this wasn't someone else invading in her head; she was all-too familiar with that feeling. Rather, it was time being rewritten, her actual timeline, her past in this world, had been changed.

Specifically, her memory of the 2005 New Year, the same year she'd first met the Doctor in, had been changed; and it was a fixed point.

In her original memory, she'd said goodbye to her mum and then run upstairs, back to the flat. In the other one, the new one, she'd found someone and had a conversation with him before returning.

_She had heard someone, hidden in the shadows, grunting with what she could now, in retrospect, identify as pain. "You all right, mate?" she had asked._

_And it was the Doctor who had answered, the man that she now knew, the second one, not her first – though she couldn't see him in her memory, shadows obscuring his face, his voice was all too clear and recognisable, even in just the one word. "Yeah."_

The scene played out with her leaving, never having seen his face and yet she didn't flounder, didn't doubt. Rose knew that man almost as well as she knew herself. The Doctor, the second incarnation of him. But her heart ached with the realisation, the instantaneous understanding of the implication of the changed memory and the fact that it was not malleable as most of time was.

No, that couldn't be true. Not a fixed point. He wouldn't have a reason to say goodbye – not unless she wasn't with him. And if he said goodbye and she wasn't with him, then there was no way he knew about what she'd done, who she'd become. And if he didn't know then- suddenly she remembered something, something she'd buried deep inside, had tried to forget along with all the other memories that kept breaking her, bit by bit, from her time with the Silence.

_"Please," his heartbroken plea came, in her head, the tears evident in his voice, stopping her dead in her tracks. "I just need a little more time... Please..."_

And she had, hadn't she? She'd given him more time. Because he'd been the one asking, no, pleading, and she hadn't been able to say no, but now... a dreadful realisation came. He hadn't needed the time to save people. He'd needed it to say goodbye; the last time he'd regenerated, with her, he'd been unable to hold off for long and this time was obviously no different and yet, with her help, he'd managed to find her, to see her before she ever knew him, and she had helped him, helped him in creating that fixed point.

Because if she were to have been with him, he would not have been begging her for time. And if he had not held her back from her first escape, then maybe she would have escaped the Silence earlier and maybe, she wouldn't be here now.

Swallowing hard, biting back the tears, Rose stared for a moment, realising that either she was going to meet another man, a new one, who was called the Doctor or... or she wouldn't survive. Something would have to happen to her, for her not to be with him, right? She'd either never see him again, or only be with him for a short time. It was hard to tell which was worse; losing him again or leaving him to find out she had died or hoping that Donna didn't remember, that he could still live in the belief that she was safe, somewhere.

* * *

"The thing is, Doctor, no matter what's happening, and I'm sure it's bad, I get that," Donna followed him around the console, pausing momentarily before continuing, asking him the one question he'd been unable to get out of his head, "but, Rose is coming back. Isn't that good?"

A part of him was still in disbelief; it should have been impossible and he knew something had to be happening, had to be tearing down the walls between universes and that was never good... but she was back. Rose – his Rose – was back and he had cursed the universe, had been so certain that it took and took until there was nothing left, no one left, until all that he loved had been ripped away from him... and yet... and yet, Rose was back. His wonderful, beautiful, Rose, who had promised him her forever, who had promised to stay at his side... he would finally have her again and yes, he knew there were a lot of unanswered questions; how she got here, what she had lived through... if she found someone. But, for the first time in his life, he didn't care. He simply didn't care. Not if it meant she'd stay with him, not if it meant he would feel her warm hands again, fingers intertwining with his they were they meant to, the way his body, his hand, had been born to be; not if it meant she'd run with him, joke with him, fight with him, live with him, be with him. Not if it gave him Rose back.

She had promised him and he had believed in her, a fool's hope, against everything he knew, every fact he had been aware of, and yet she'd done the impossible. She was back. He hadn't found her, not yet, but his hearts were no longer filled with grief and his feet felt light as though a weight had dropped off him, as if the whole world was suddenly lighter, as though he could do anything and, a part of him truly believed that with her at his side, there was very little he'd find impossible. Because Rose was back. And he had no way of expressing just how good that was, how fantastic and brilliant and a thousand other words.

"Yeah," a slow smile spread across his face as he looked at Donna, a fierce happiness inside him that he wanted to share with her; for her to see just how much better that small bit of news made him, how intensely glad he was, how much easier and happier life was with Rose in it. There were things he'd have to figure out but even if it meant telling River Song his name, he would not marry her, not now, not when he could have Rose. It wasn't as though he was incapable of sharing his name it just was intensely private and almost a violation but... if it meant having Rose with him instead, he'd do it in a heartbeat.

And there were other things he'd have to tell her, things which he knew would hurt her but ... she was Rose. Somehow, despite the rather unique circumstances around both instances, he'd ended up kissing both Donna and Martha; he knew that Rose and him had never formalised their relationship, but if any Time Lord had seen them, they would have been able to tell in an instant that he was together with her. For a touch telepath to have as much contact as he always had with his blonde companion was almost indecent; he hugged Martha and Donna, of course he did, and when running, he took their hands too, but there wasn't the constant hand-holding, danger or none, there wasn't the shoulder bumping, the subconscious leaning into each other, the sheer and admittedly blissful ignorance of personal space he had had with Rose. As far as he was concerned, he had been – and still was – together with Rose, just as he had once told Martha.

That meant, unfortunately, as far as he was concerned, he'd have to tell her and he knew it would hurt her. More than anything, he hated hurting her. On top of that, there was Jenny... and River; he still wasn't quite sure how to even start explaining those two disasters. But all that didn't matter. Even if Rose was angry, she'd be with him. Together.

He'd explain everything to her, somehow, and, or so he hoped, eventually he'd earn her forgiveness and he would tell her everything, would finally be able to ask her what he should have, such a long time ago. He'd offer her his forever.

* * *

Rose had become far better than she wanted to admit to at burying her emotions, at feeling nothing. It had been needed a skill she'd relied on too often, a skill she had acquired on her travels where intense concentration and focus was often required at a moment's notice. Her eyes automatically scanned her surroundings. A rural neighbourhood with quiet, small roads and few cars... and a milkman, apparently, who was looking at her with wide eyes. Well, that wasn't good. This wasn't the first time she'd managed to, rather unfortunately, land in plain sight, but this was her original universe and not one she wanted to attract attention in.

Ignoring the baffled milkman for the moment, her eyes automatically flitted upwards, scanning the sky, as something that should be impossible had appeared in her peripheral vision; only to find that this may be Earth but either it had moved, or other planets had. Because this was definitely her first time finding other planets in such close orbit to theirs; to be honest, she was surprised the temperatures had yet to drop and that gravity hadn't been affected, considering the fact that the sun was nowhere to be seen and the other planets were in such close proximity.

"Right," she said to herself, trying to not feel quite as overwhelmed at what she was going to have to face, "now we're in trouble."

The enemy couldn't be far behind. This – whatever this was – must have been what they wanted and what caused this entire chaos, and undoubtedly responsible for causing the walls between the universes to thin and slowly vanish.

Her eyes still fixed on the planets in sky which were uncomfortably close, Rose swallowed, charging her gun, whispering to herself, "and it's only just beginning," because she'd suddenly remembered that she didn't just have to worry about their enemies, their planet and the others, all the dimensions breaking down; she also had to worry about the humans.

Humans, when panicked, were likely to start rioting and looting, believing it was their last day or night on this planet and more likely to take what they wanted. Unfortunately, a lot of people might suffer as a consequence and fall casualty to the crowds.

Rose glanced around her, pushing down her own fear, before deciding on a direction and setting off. She needed to find a computer. And a phone. But most important was definitely a computer to find out what's going on, what they knew; mainly by hacking into Unit and Torchwood. Though hacking was such an ugly word and really, stealing the Doctor's passwords couldn't be considered hacking, could it?

* * *

"But if the Earth's been moved, they've lost the Sun," Donna said, making a very good point – not that he'd tell her that. She'd start worrying about her family and- "What about my Mum? And Granddad? They're dead!"

And too late. His eyes slipped to the redhead who was desperately asking him for reassurance – reassurance he couldn't give her. All the monitors, all the calculations, they told him nothing.

"Aren't they?" her voice was trembling and he wished he had something he could give her, wished he could blindly reassure her that yes, of course he'd take care of it. That he would magically fix the problem when he didn't even know what precisely the problem was. But she didn't deserve that, didn't deserve the blind lies and soothing words; she'd stood by his side in Pompeii, had heard and helped the Oods; Donna had been a faithful and true companion even when he had not been sure he wanted anyone at his side. "Are they- are they dead?"

He pulled himself away from the Tardis monitor, looking at Donna; proud, strong Donna, whose eyes were glistening with unshed tears and who was so very afraid of what he might say.

"I don't know, Donna," he said, regretfully, hoping she understood just how much he wanted to be able to give her better news. "I just don't know. I'm sorry, I don't know."

His eyes flitted back to the monitor, knowing that he didn't have time to console her now, that he couldn't focus on her when the rest of the universe was in the balance; the same way he had known that though he longed to program the Tardis to look for Rose, he had to check on Earth first.

"That's my family. My whole world," Donna said and he wanted to tell her that he could empathise – he really could – and that he, too, wanted to rather be looking for Rose, wanted to be able to tell the redhead that he would be able to fix it, but he couldn't. Because he didn't know if he could.

"There's no readings," he finally admitted, exasperated and anxious, trying to figure out what to do when even the extremely advanced scans of the Tardis were unable to unearth the exact nature of the planet's disappearance.

"Nothing," he continued, trying to illustrate just how impressive – and frightening – it was that not only had a planet been taken, but also to leave no trace, none at all behind, was beyond most – if not all – races in this entire universe, both past and present. "Not a trace. Not even a whisper."

Stepping back, hand absentmindedly rubbing his neck as he tried to comprehend just how it had been done and, more importantly, whom he could ask for help, who would know more than him, he admitted to her in a voice carrying equal measures of both dread and awe, "oh, that is fearsome technology."

"So what do we do?" Donna asked him and a thought formed.

"We've got to get help," he told her, eyes still focused on the Tardis. Was he really going there? Without the Time Lords, there were very few still actively monitoring the entire universe, and, at present, they were the only ones he could think of.

"From where?" his companion's voice had a slight edge of hysteria to it and he looked up, his demeanour calm even when he felt anything but, knowing Donna wouldn't quite understand what it was he was proposing. There was a reason he barely ever saw them or went to them for problem-solving.

"Donna, I'm taking you to the Shadow Proclamation. Hold tight."

* * *

Finding a store with internet and computers was easy; the rather impressive size of the dimension cannon also easily scared away the kids who had been either stealing or destroying – to be perfectly honest, she didn't care which. Once they were gone, she picked one of the laptops, cleared the chair of glass shards and set to work.

It didn't take long and she found out what they knew. 27 planets, in perfect balance with one large spaceship at its center. A fleet of 200 smaller spacecrafts and all of them likely belonged to an enemy; a rather overwhelmingly large enemy, though considering the fact that they had managed to steal and relocated entire planets, she suspected they'd have to be. And they would be in control of rather fearsome technology and certainly a lot more intelligent than a lot of the warrior races she'd encountered. So far she'd come up with only a handful of potential suspects – or, obviously, a race she hadn't encountered before.

They had also devised and surrounded Earth with an artificial atmosphere that kept humans alive, sustaining them; the heat, the oxygen, everything. Rose still wasn't sure if that was good news or not. And then a voice, a chorus of voices, echoed through the speakers; a metallic sounding voice that she, unfortunately, recognised only too well.

"EXTERMINATE!"

Daleks. Her heart sank and her courage faltered. Was that how she was going to go? Harnessing the time vortex, putting Earth back to where it belonged (could she even do that?) and was her last act going to be one of genocide? Rose wasn't sure, couldn't be sure, but she guessed that, seeing as she was back in her original universe, she was fully capable of dying; a hypothesis which seemed to be backed by the fact that she wouldn't be with the Doctor anymore, though there was still the tiniest sliver of hope – and dread – that he'd already regenerated. For some reason she doubted she was that lucky; maybe it was time to pay for everything she'd done, to atone, even in the smallest way.

She squashed the urge to run; there was a time to run, and a time to fight. This was the time to fight. She wouldn't give them her planet, the one she'd grown up on, the one the Doctor had saved countless times. And if she died, then she'd make damn well sure that the Doctor, at least, was safe and his enemies destroyed and Earth safe... somehow. No matter what.

Quickly retrieving her old phone, she called Jack. She knew that she had given him a very, very long life, had made him a fixed point – something a person should never be, but she hadn't understood the magnitude of what she was doing. All she'd known was that Jack was her friend; and he wasn't supposed to be dead – not now, not ever. She still didn't know why her Doctor had left him behind, but by now Jack was definitely on Earth; she knew that much. And she still had his number from back when he'd been with them; though, apparently, he had a new number now – not knowing that Jack had stored the phone, hidden it away safely with a few treasures, seeing as Rose was the only one who knew it and she was in a parallel universe – or so he thought.

In the end, there was really only one other option, one other person she could call, seeing as she could reach neither Jack nor the Doctor.

"Rose?" Smiling in relief that she'd managed to get hold of at least one of the Doctor's old companions, the blonde nodded quickly.

"Hello, Sarah Jane. How are you?"

A disbelieving laugh greeted her through the phone. "Oh, hanging in there; what about you?"

"Tryin' to find out where the Doctor is. Can you reach him?"

A heavy sigh and she could hear the naked fear in the other woman's voice though she was trying to hide it. She'd met too many people, had lived too long, to be fooled by Sarah Jane which unfortunately meant that the other companion had also encountered the Daleks before. And she doubted that it had been pleasant.

"No. Got K9 here and no one can get a hold of him. We're trapped."

Swallowing, closing her eyes, Rose nodded to herself. It was just as she'd feared then.

"Okay, listen. I know his current companion. Donna Noble. I'll find her and through her, I'll find him. Listen," she sighed lightly, but knew there was no other way. "If you find the Doctor, don't tell him, don't ask about me and no matter what, don't ever mention to him that time you looked after Micks for me. He can't know. If something happens to me, he can't know; you know him."

"Promise," Sarah Jane assured her, before pausing momentarily, "and you do your best to make it to him alive."

"Of course," Rose said, only half-meaning it. She did want to see him again, had fought so hard for it, but if needed, she'd do her very best to ensure his survival instead of her own.

Heaving up the dimension cannon, she left the shop and made her way through town, knowing that she needed to find the Doctor, to find out his plan. Killing had to be the last resort. She would not choose that option, not again, unless faced with no other option. Besides, this could be like the last time, with more than just one enemy to be fought against, both Cybermen and Daleks alike.

She knew she couldn't save them all and her priority had to be to find Donna, to find a way of getting in touch with the Doctor, but maybe she could save some of them on her way to his companion's home.

* * *

By the time, she found them, Donna's grandfather and mother, she had almost been too late. Rose had liked him, even in Donna's parallel world, Wilf – but in this one he was just brilliant. He was clever and refused to hide, accepting what so many had trouble to, what his daughter was still fighting to understand.

More than most people, Rose understood the desire to hide, to not know, but her patience with Sylvia was rapidly running thin; luckily, Wilf was more helpful but the moment she heard him, in an argument with Donna's mother, exclaiming that his granddaughter was in outer space with the Doctor, her heart sank.

"You were my last hope," she found herself saying, trying to think of any other possibilities, any way to find out what was going and, more importantly, how to help. "If we can't find Donna, we can't find the Doctor... Where is he?"

She'd attempted to call him, again; but she hadn't been able to get through. It was maddening. Rose could feel her, the Tardis, could reach out to her, hear her song and feel the bond between them, but she couldn't tell _where_ she was. It was like they were hidden, like a partition of the time vortex, separated and taken away and she didn't know how to reach through it, like she wasn't in synch with the rest of time. And she could feel it – so close, all that power, all those dimensions. The Doctor had mentioned it once, the Medusa Cascade; a rift, in space and time that Time Lords used to be able to travel through yo the different dimensions. But one Time Lord alone couldn't do it, he'd clarified when she'd asked if they could visit Mickey. Too much power; it would rip their Tardis – and them – apart.

Rose snorted. All this power, she should be able to do something, and yet she was just as helpless as everyone else. Oh, she could destroy the Daleks, but their planet and the others would still be here, still out synch and she if she did destroy all Daleks, she may very well kill all the life on her planet by destroying the artificial atmosphere as well. There was no choice, nothing she could do. Helpless.

Eyes dark, her hands absently wrapped around the cup of tea that Sylvia had provided her with, she stared at her phone, praying, that any moment now he'd call her. Wilf sat down opposite her, his own cup of tea in his hands.

"So..." Her lips quirked slightly in amusement at the slight pause before he asked what he'd been really wondering, "how do you know him, the Doctor?"

Eyes dark, allowing her phone to fall by the wayside, Rose looked up at the grey-haired man who undoubtedly understood a lot more about this world, this universe than he was saying.

"Was a companion, sorta like Donna. Travelled with him for a bit. He... The Doctor, he saved me."

"You're young," Sylvia interrupted, derisively, adamant in her refusal to believe that Donna was with the Doctor in the first place and simultaneously refusing to believe that, even if her daughter was with him, there was no way he was alien, "you don't know what you're talking about."

A bitter laugh escaped her before she could stop herself, but she didn't explain, rather she told them about him. They didn't need to know how old she truly was.

"The Doctor... he's been alive for a very, very long time. He saw the birth of the universe, of our planet and he will be there at the very end, when time runs out. He may scare you, and _that's okay_. But one thing you have to understand is that the Doctor, he will do absolutely everything, will give everything, to protect you, protect this planet and this entire universe. It's all he's ever done. He's been there, protecting you even when you weren't aware. The only reason you were even born, is because that man was there, every step of the way, stopping invasion after invasion, saving people, humans, when no one else would. He's sacrificed more than you can ever understand so you can enjoy your everyday life, blissfully unaware. And that's what Donna is doing. Your daughter is a hero. She's out there, running with him, saving planets, saving your life and saving him. Out of everyone on this planet, he asked Donna to come with him; which means that she is the most 'human' human, she's emotional, she empathises and she knows what's right and what's wrong. Your daughter, Sylvia, is saving the universe and the man protecting it. You should be proud."

Sylvia Noble turned away and Rose allowed it, having seen the sheen in her eyes, the glistening on her cheeks and Wilf gave her a half-smile, nodding slightly in gratitude, before asking her quietly, voice certain and eyes full of sympathy, of understanding, "you love him, don't you."

It wasn't a question, not really, and, eyes dark, Rose just nodded. There wasn't much more to say. Everything she'd been through, everything she'd done to herself, had been to get back to him, to be with him. She loved him, with everything she was, everything of herself she still had left; however little that was.

Once Wilf rejoined Sylvia on the sofa, Rose sought out pen and paper, running calculations, hoping to understand just how it had happened, what was tearing apart all the dimensions, how much force was needed to have such a drastic effect on not just one world, but on so many of them. And still it all ended up telling her the same thing; even with all the strength of the time vortex behind her, there really was nothing she could do, doomed to wait for the Doctor to save them even though she had learned to save herself, and to depend on only herself, as the years and decades passed her by. And yet, every simulation, every thought led to the same conclusion. Not without risking everyone else and that wasn't a sacrifice she was prepared to make.

Her eyes automatically went to the TV; both TV and laptop had become sound pieces for the Daleks. Then, suddenly, a human voice resounded through it and for just a breath, she had hope; but it wasn't him, and it wasn't hope; it was humanity, giving in. She watched as Wilf and Sylvia hugged each other, their desperation almost tangible.

"This is the Commander General of the United Nations calling the Dalek Fleet. We surrender. Repeat, we surrender. Planet Earth surrenders."

Closing her eyes, trying to will a miracle to happen, Rose only absently heard the Dalek's instruction, concentrating instead on reaching out to the Tardis again.

"Humans selected for testing will follow Dalek instructions. The Daleks reign supreme. All hail the Daleks. You will obey Dalek instructions without question. You will obey your Dalek ma-"

She could tell that the ship had moved, but it still wasn't anywhere near them. The loud beeping jerked her out of her concentration and with it came the slightest kindling of hope.

"Can anyone hear me? The Subwave Network is open. You should be able to hear my voice... Is there anyone there?"

The laptop was now covered in static and Rose found herself standing up, walking towards it. She knew that- that voice. So familiar. Such a long time ago... but who...?

"I know that voice," she whispered, slipping easily into the seat, trying to see if there was any way to boost the signal and find out who was still resisting, still out there, fighting, against all odds.

"Can anyone hear me? This message is of the utmost importance. We haven't much time. Can anyone hear me? ... Captain Jack Harkness, shame on you. Now stand to attention, sir."

Rose laughed in disbelief as the image suddenly cleared up and there she was, in full colour, just as she remembered her from the first time we met.

"Harriet Jones, former Prime Minister."

Rose could barely stop herself from giggling when, as she had done since the very first time they met, the woman in the screen held up her ID for identification. Shaking her head in slight amusement at the fact that even when so many years passed, so many things changed, there were some people who still remained the same in so many ways. She wondered if her Doctor had picked up some new quirks, absently, as her eyes tried, in vain, to find a camera.

"Harriet, it's me! It's me!" Despite everything, she couldn't help herself, hoping that they would somehow hear her. Of course they didn't. "Have you got a webcam?" She asked, turning to Wilf and Sylvia.

"No," Donna's grandfather said, confirming her suspicions, tilting his head slightly to indicate Sylvia, next to him, as he continued, "she wouldn't let me. She said they're naughty."

With a sigh, shoulders dropping slightly in disappointment, Rose turned back to the screen. "I can't speak to her then, can I?"

"Sarah Jane Smith, 13 Bannerman Road. Are you there?"

Rose's head shot up, eyes widening. Sarah Jane? Just who was Harriet contacting? Jack, Sarah Jane... old companions?

"Good. Now let's see if we can talk to each other," Harriet said over the laptop and her image got smaller and was joined by Sarah Jane and... Jack. He looked good. Her guilt lessened ever so slightly; she hadn't completely ruined him by giving him that very, very long life. Then Harriet continued and Rose became aware of the one square still filled with black and white dots, "the fourth contact seems to be having some trouble getting through."

And for a moment, just a moment, she thought they were trying to get to her.

"That's me. Harriet, that's me."

"I'll just boost the signal," Harriet said and shortly after, another woman came on screen.

"Hello?" She seemed familiar; not in the way someone she'd met, but rather something she'd seen in the Doctor's timeline, a vague memory of someone, like a picture she'd once seen but never met.

"Ha, ha! Martha Jones," Jack exclaimed and for a moment, Rose smiled. If Jack knew her, that meant he'd joined the Doctor again at some point. She hoped they'd forgiven each other.

But then, why wasn't she there, why had she not...?

"Who's she? I want to get through," Rose murmured but then she realised; of course. As far as everyone but Sarah Jane was concerned, she was still in a parallel world. And she had requested that Sarah Jane not speak a word of her return; and they'd never think to look for her at all, never mind looking in someone else's home.

With a sigh, Rose settled back in her chair, realising that her only way of contribution would be text messages to Sarah Jane at this point and helping them along with whatever scheme they came up with. She ignored them, her lips curling up slightly in amusement as Jack flirted with Sarah Jane who seemed to have her son with her.

"This, ladies and gentlemen, this is the Subwave Network," Harriet introduced, "a sentient piece of software programmed to seek out anyone and everyone who can help to contact the Doctor."

Rose's eyes narrowed as she saw Martha show them the Osterhagen key. She'd heard that name before, once, in a parallel world and hoped to god, that this wasn't the same one, but when even Harriet told them to forget its very existence and forbid Martha from using _under any circumstance_, she realised she wasn't that lucky. The last time it had been used, she'd spent week after week, floating in space after she'd been unable to prevent them from using it; dying over and over again, every time luckily widening the tear in the dimension wall until she could disappear. Rose was just glad that your mind, for self-protection, never truly allowed you to relive the horrors; you remembered them, sure, but they were never as painful, as horrifying as they had been at that time, where she was floating in nothingness with only the odd object floating past her, gasping for air that wasn't there, suffocating only to come back to life again and repeating the cycle.

And then, finally, they came up with a plan, Jack's voice interrupting the others.

"Wait a minute. We boost the signal. That's it! We transmit that telephone number through Torchwood itself, using all the power of the Rift."

"And we've got Mister Smith. He can link up with every telephone exchange on the Earth. He can get the whole world to call the same number, all at the same time. Billions of phones, calling out all at once," the boy beside Sarah Jane suggested and just like that, Rose knew they had an actual plan, a way of finding him, of leading the Doctor back to them.

They were going to call him, send him a signal which he could trace back and find them with. Relieved, Rose leaned back against the chair, smiling at Sylvia's and Wilf's banter behind her. Time to help. She'd call him, too, just as everyone else was and she'd put some of her power behind it; not enough to draw attention, but enough to alert the Tardis, to give the old girl something just a little bit easier to lock onto.

There was nothing to be done about Harriet, unfortunately. She was in no position to help her... or was she? Eyes wide, Rose instead sent a text message from her phone, knowing that her phone would attempt repeatedly to send it to the same number, while she concentrated on finding Harriet.

It was an odd feeling; there was only a limited part of the time vortex she could access here. They had to be slightly out of synch, otherwise she'd be able to feel it all; but they were still in the Medusa cascade and all that power of time and space was just ripe for the taking.

"Got to go," she told the Nobles, "but I'll be back."

And with that, Rose quickly used her communicator to get in touch with Pete's world.

"Not ready yet. Earth under threat of Daleks," once the message had safely transmitted and the Nobles were in a different room, Rose allowed herself to open up fully to the vortex, quickly scanning it, hoping to identify Harriet's timeline so she could use it to get to her location.

* * *

The Shadow Proclamation had definitely been the right place to go, inspite of their utter arrogance, believing they knew everything in the universe. Even with all his years of travel, all the knowledge in his mind and the Tardis, he still had very limited knowledge of the universe; it was one of the many reasons he kept travelling, kept exploring. There was always something new to find, to explore.

Still, looking at the display of planets that had been taken, he could easily identify all of them by sight. "Callufrax Minorr. Jahoo. Shallacatop. Woman Wept." One of the planets he'd been to with her; Rose had loved it – and he had loved how exuberant she'd been at the frozen waves, the snow. "Clom." Hold on... "Clom's gone?" he found himself saying, remembering only too well that it was the sister planet to the Slitheen and rather unremarkable over the course of its existence; which begged the question, "who'd want Clom?"

"All different sizes," the architect said, ignoring his question, "some populated, some not. But all unconnected."

In his experience, things were rarely unconnected; just because they hadn't found it, didn't mean it wasn't there. And he was clever, very, very clever and knew more than these stuffy people who never saw the world, the universe, all the people in it. And he knew that there was something, had to be something which connected all these planets, which explained their disappearance.

The predominant feeling of missing something was back, something that was right there, staring him in the face; he had hints, pieces of the puzzle and it was just a matter of finding out what they were and putting them together – which, unfortunately, was easier said than done.

"What about Pyrovillia?" Donna questioned and his brows furrowed momentarily, but the architect interrupted him before he could respond.

"Who is the female?" she asked him with a raised brow and he remained quiet, knowing that Donna would lay into her momentarily, feeling his own ire against the Shadow Proclamation and, more specifically, the woman next to him, rise with every word. For all that they knew, it was rapidly becoming clear just how little they knew about him if they hadn't heard about the companions he always had at his side; and especially so, if they didn't know that you didn't ignore any of them and definitely not Donna Noble, and to do so in front of her face was just utter foolishness.

He almost laughed, lips twitching into an irrepressible grin, when his companion proved him right, fiery temper exploding and fighting back at everyone, no matter how dangerous, what their species or position was. Even him. Never flinching, never giving up, never giving an inch to anyone irrespective of who or what they were. Indomitable.

"Donna. I'm a human being," his smile disappeared at her next words, his own voice ringing in his ears when, once upon a time, he'd smiled at the blonde at his side and said those very same words, had spoken of her and him, together, just after she had managed to send the Devil – or whatever it had been – to a black hole. "Maybe not the stuff of legend but every bit as important as Time Lords, thank you."

It took a second to put the smile back on his face, knowing that even Donna would be able to tell just how shaky it was, even though her focus was undoubtedly elsewhere. "Way back, when we were in Pompeii, Lucius said Pyrovillia had gone missing," Donna told him and he allowed his feelings to slip by the wayside, focusing instead on the problem at hand and he could feel it, another piece of the puzzle sliding into place and still it didn't make sense yet.

"Pyrovillia is cold case. Not relevant," one of the Judoon said and he could see the redhead's brows furrow in response.

"How do you mean, cold case?"

"The planet Pyrovillia cannot be part of this. It disappeared over two thousand years ago," the architect explained, having obviously understood that he valued Donna's opinion and would not be telling her to shut it any time soon – mainly because he valued his life, too. And because she asked the right questions; his companions always did, helped him solved when he was too thick to see what was right _there_, just out of reach, like now.

"Yes, yes, hang on," Donna continued, ignoring the other woman, looking at him, "but there's the Adipose breeding planet, too. Miss Foster said that was lost, but that must've been a long time ago."

And it clicked, all the pieces rapidly reassembling in his head and starting to form a picture.

"That's it," he exclaimed, hands flying over the keyboard, "Donna, brilliant! Planets are being taken out of time as well as space. Let's put this into 3-D. Now, if we add Pyrovillia and Adipose Three," the hologram showed the two additional planets without problem, but there was something still missing, something not right.

Lost in thought, trying to sort through over a millennium – nearly two, actually – of thoughts, of random comments and trying to remember any other planets that had gone missing, he found himself talking out loud, trying to find that elusive connection, to trigger the one memory he needed.

"Something missing. Where else, where else, where else? Where else... lost, lost, lost, lost. Oh! The Lost Moon of Poosh."

Stepping away, he watched, fascinated, as the planets automatically rearranged themselves until they were perfectly aligned.

Absently noting the architect's query about what he'd done, he stepped further to the side, inspecting the hologram and answering her and Donna at the same time, "Nothing. The planets rearranged themselves into the optimum pattern. Oh, look at that. Twenty seven planets in perfect balance. Come on, that is _gorgeous_."

* * *

It was difficult. She hadn't really ever given the other woman much thought, but at least she did recall some identifying factors. Eyes golden, teeth biting her lower lip, well aware of just how fast she was running out of time, she rushed through them, looking and discarding hundreds of time streams within seconds, trying to identify the right one, the one of the- and there she was. Breathe out, Rose reminded herself, mentally caressing the timeline, trying to find the right time, the right second; getting it off by even just a split second and either Harriet was dead, or she'd come into the picture too soon, which could, potentially, have even more catastrophic consequences.

Utmost concentration was required and then she found it. Keeping her mind focussed on that one, tiny split second, Rose charged her gun and then she _pulled_. Knocking Harriet to the side, she watched as the beam impacted the cameras before shooting at – and destroying – the first Dalek. Stepping fully out in front of the ex-prime minister, she quickly destroyed the second Dalek.

"I- Rose?"

Giving her a small smile, the blonde nodded quickly after making sure that those two were the only ones that had been sent for Harriet's elimination.

"Hello, Harriet," in her eyes, at least, the woman had redeemed herself. But it was time to get her somewhere else, somewhere safe. Only hesitating for another split second, Rose finally grabbed the former prime minister and focused instead on a far more familiar time line. Sarah Jane's.

Breathing in, feeling an intense wave of pure, unadulterated power rush through her, the blonde pulled them both to a new location, unaware of Harriet's surprise at the power she'd so casually displayed.

The eyes of Sarah Jane lit up the moment they laid eyes on each other but then her lips curled up and she gave a slight laugh.

"Another stray?" she questioned, looking amused and Rose grinned, feeling, for the first time in a long time, a rush of emotion – affection – for the other woman.

"Yeah, that okay? Need to keep her off camera."

"No problem," Sarah Jane confirmed.

"Thanks, for everything," Rose said, hesitantly, knowing just how much she owed the Doctor's former companion who had helped her so much without ever asking for anything in return. "'m sorry. I gotta go. Good luck."

Nodding at each other, faces grim with determination, Rose easily returned to the home of the Nobles, just a few seconds after she first left.

* * *

Grinning, eyes focused on the screen, hands flying over the ship's controls, he couldn't believe his luck. It was almost gone, but still enough there to go on. Truthfully, he'd expected it to have dissipated entirely by now but sometimes, it seemed, luck was on his side. He just wished he'd been there sooner, had realised this sooner; he would have had a much stronger trail to follow, one which would have led him the entire way. He hoped this was enough.

"We're a bit late," he explained to Donna, brows slightly furrowed as he stared at the readings, "the signal's scattered, but it's a start."

Giving her a wide grin, he leapt to the door, knowing that they needed to move quickly if they wanted to find Earth.

"I've got a blip," he announced to the Shadow Proclamation, exuberant, forgetting momentarily just why he usually never went to them for help, "It's just a blip, but it's definitely a blip!"

"Then, according to the Strictures of the Shadow Proclamation," the architect announced, eyes cold and an unholy light in her eyes which he took a moment to identify as bloodthirstiness, "I will have to seize your transport and your technology."

And it had turned out exactly the way he'd dreaded at the beginning; the very reason he usually never went to them. They knew no mercy, no forgiveness; they didn't understand atonement or regret. The Shadow Proclamation would not hesitate, not ever, would not even give anyone a second to explain themselves before executing the offenders; judge, jury and executioner without a hearing.

"Oh, really?" he asked, stunned in faint disbelief that they actually thought they could take a Tardis off a Time Lord – never mind his Tardis off him – before inquiring further, deciding that they _had_ helped after all, so maybe they weren't as single-minded as he had thought, "what for?"

Maybe he should give them a chance; it wouldn't be the first time he was surprised. It's what he loved about travelling – the very fact that people still could surprise him, that they would not choose as he expected but rather chose the road less travelled, chose to help and save rather than conquering and destroying.

"The planets were stolen with hostile intent. We are declaring war, Doctor, right across the universe, and you will lead us into battle," the architect said, hatred, anger and a thirst for blood in her voice that took even him aback.

Unfortunately, all too often, he was not surprised and met people like her, all across the universe; people all too willing to kill, to murder, people who enjoyed bloodbaths and screams. People that would never, ever, lay their hands on his ship.

But the Shadow Proclamation was arrogant to the exclusion of almost anything else, never even considering his disobedience, not understanding that he would never allow them to start off another war, which, though its magnitude was unlikely to ever match the Time War, would still end up with so many innocents dying, too many screaming, too much blood on his hand.

His eyes narrowed dangerously for a moment, understanding that he would have to keep a much closer look than before on the organisation, two words ringing through his mind, two words which had not faded in their clarity, in their emotion, not over the time that had passed since he had last spoken those words, two incarnations ago.

_'No more.' _

Forcing himself to smile, to pretend, hiding his disgust, he responded as they had expected, "right. Yes. 'Course I will. I'll just... go and get you the key."

Eyes dark, he pushed himself away from the door, closing it easily and ignoring the incensed shouts behind him. He didn't have time for them just now. Earth had a much higher priority. And Rose. He still didn't know what someone wanted all these planets for, what they were trying to accomplish; but he did know that it definitely wasn't good.

Blinking away the darkness, he rushed back to the console, throwing a quick grin at Donna. Time to find Earth.

* * *

As far as the Nobles were concerned, barely a moment had passed since she'd left them, any they both looked slightly stunned when Rose ran back into the room.

"What? But you only just left!"

Grinning, she shook her head. "Time travel."

And then Rose gasped, stopping mid-step as a song of longing, of love, of welcome echoed in her head, loudly, accompanied by a very real rush of love from the ship that brought her to the tears. She had no illusions of being able to hide anything from the Tardis; they were too well connected and the Tardis saw everything, all the time... there was no way she didn't know. And she still loved her. For a moment, breathing was hard and her heart ached at feeling a love she felt she didn't deserve and yet... how do you argue with someone that knew so much more, was so much older than you, knew all that had come and all that was yet to be, all the time.

Closing her eyes, allowing herself just a moment to feel relieved and almost content, she sent her own mixed tangle of emotions back to the Tardis, unable to focus enough to discern between them. She knew the love was mixed with guilt and relief, the feeling of being undeserving as well as endless gratitude, but she could almost hear the ship's satisfied hum in her head.

"He's here. He made it," she announced to Wilf's and Sylvia's stunned faces and realised a moment too late that her eyes were still aglow. Blinking quickly, she let go of her connection to the ship, to time, and with it glow receded almost instantly.

And before they could question her, the static screen which had previously hosted the video with Harriet, now instead showed _him_. And Donna.

"Where the hell have you been?" Rose nearly laughed at Jack's question, but froze when she heard his next words, knowing how much it would hurt him. "Doctor, it's the Daleks."

"Oh, he's a bit nice. I thought he'd be older," the woman beside Jack said and Rose's lips curled up again, though her eyes remained on the Doctor, watching him carefully.

"It's the Daleks. They're taking people to their spaceship," Sarah Jane said quickly.

"It's not just Dalek Caan," Rose blinked in surprise at Martha's words, realising that he must've faced the Daleks again after they'd been separated.

Then, finally, he spoke up, grinning at seeing everyone onscreen and Rose nearly rolled her eyes. Of course. Pride at his companions shone through instead of the darkness she'd expected. She couldn't decide if that was better or worse, though Donna at least seemed very capable; she would definitely tell him if he ever went too far.

"Sarah Jane. Who's that boy? That must be Torchwood. Oh, they're brilliant.

Look at you all, you clever people."

Then Donna piped up, identifying Martha to Rose's surprise; it would seem that she wasn't the only who had met his previous travel companions. A part of her couldn't help but wonder if that had been an accident, as her meeting Sarah Jane had been, or if it had been intentional, a way of opening up to them that had taken two years for her to get him to do with her. Was he closer to them, to Donna, than he'd ever been with her...?

"And who's he?"

"Captain Jack," the Doctor identified reluctantly before turning to the redhead. "Don't. Just... don't."

Biting back a laugh felt like an action she hadn't done in too long, lips twitching as she looked at the Doctor's grimace in the face of Jack's hilariously predictable effect on most men and women which had always bothered him.

"It's like an outer space Facebook," exclaimed Donna.

"Everyone except Rose."

Her hands found the edge of the laptop without her express intent, looking at a man she hadn't seen for so many decades, the man she'd crossed dimension after dimension for. The man she still loved, so much. Her heart ached when she heard his words, noted the slight disappointment in his voice and the fact that he'd obviously received her message and had been expecting her, looking for her even.

"I'm here," she found herself whispering, her hand so close to his picture and yet not daring to touch. The Doctor was here and he was looking for her. That had to be enough.

But still, her heart broke because she knew – _knew_ – they wouldn't see each other, that somehow, some way, she wouldn't make it. It was the only thing that made sense; otherwise, why would he have said goodbye to her on the first of January 2005. He couldn't have met her, couldn't have her with him, so something had to have happened. If she'd been with him, he had even told her that he would go so far as to manipulate time itself to save her. She almost wished now that she hadn't told Donna her name, hadn't given her the words Bad Wolf. Maybe then he wouldn't have been given hope, wouldn't have to lose her all over again.

Then, suddenly, the screen changed and a new voice came through.

"Your voice is different, and yet its arrogance is unchanged. Welcome to my new Empire, Doctor. It is only fitting that you should bear witness to the resurrection and the triumph of Davros, lord and creator of the Dalek race."

"Doctor?" Donna's voice rang through, even though they couldn't see her anymore, her reassurances ringing hollowly in Rose's ears.

"Have you nothing to say?" Davros pushed and she clenched her fists, wishing she could help him somehow, lessen his pain at least a little.

"But you were destroyed. In the very first year of the Time War, at the Gates of Elysium. I saw your command ship fly into the jaws of the Nightmare Child. I tried to save you."

Her eyes closed in silent agony, a deep wave of sympathy rising within her. She still remembered it so vividly, the moment he'd confessed to her that it hadn't been the Daleks, but rather the Time Lords which had been the bigger threat, that they had scared even him, afraid of what they were capable of, willing to risk, to sacrifice, in the name of an endless war. She wanted, so desperately, to offer him some comfort, a small measure of peace when faced with yet another piece of his past, a stark reminder of five centuries of war, of fighting, on the front lines, against both sides; his own and against the Daleks, caught in an ever tightening noose until he saw no escape, no other option than to destroy both races, both planets and all the innocents.

"But it took one stronger than you," Davros taunted, "Dalek Caan himself."

Her mouth opened in silent horror at the almost childish voice that echoed out from behind the creator of this race of monsters.

"I flew into the wild and fire. I danced and died a thousand times."

"Emergency Temporal Shift took him back into the Time War itself," Davros elaborated.

"But that's impossible," the Doctor interrupted, brows furrowed, "the entire War is timelocked."

"And yet he succeeded. Oh, it cost him his mind, but imagine. A single, simple Dalek succeeded where Emperors and Time Lords have failed. A testament, don't you think, to my remarkable creations?"

Lips curled up in disgust, Rose found herself staring at the man on the screen, for the first time feeling a hatred starting to burn inside her that only two races had ever made her feel; the Silence and the ones who tore through her mind.

"And you made a new race of Daleks," said the Doctor, quietly.

"I gave myself to them, quite literally," Davros confirmed, before opening his tunic and showing them his body, skin gone with his bare ribs visible, very few nerve endings and his internal organs on display, making Rose shudder in disgust, "each one grown from a cell of my own body. New Daleks. True Daleks. I have my children, Doctor. What do you have, now?"

"After all this time, everything we saw, everything we lost, I have only one thing to say to you," his voice was dark but lightened only a moment later, accompanied by the familiar grinding noise of the Tardis, "Bye!"

"Control," Rose quickly said to her communicator, "Doctor located, I repeat, Doctor located."

Cutting off her communicator, turning back to the Nobles, she smiled warmly. "Thanks. I'm off. I'm going to find him. Wish me luck."

"Oh, good luck," Sylvia said, followed by her father. "Yeah, good luck, sweetheart." Wilf's endearment made her smile and, impulsively, she gave them both a hug and a kiss on his cheek.

Time to find him, the Doctor. The Tardis was ever so loud in her head, and it was just a simple matter of pulling herself along their bond towards her, towards her best friends, in every universe.

A moment later she found herself near a church on an abandoned street, and then she saw him.

A daft, old man with his blue box.

Swallowing down tears she refused to cry, Rose took a hesitant step towards him, not knowing whether she was welcome, whether she'd really get to have him, to feel his arms around her, smell him – that perfect mix that only he had; of adventure, of one if not several jam flavours, of something indefinable that was just, well, him that seemed to carry through the generations and then, of course, he smelt of time – but she longed for it, had imagined it, for several decades, what it would feel like, to feel his arms around her again, his fingers intertwined with her own.

But _he had said goodbye_...

And yet he was here. _He was here_!

And then he turned to her, and after only one infinitesimal second in time, he started running, a grin on his face, arms open in an unspoken invitation. Her heart lightened and a smile she'd thought herself incapable of, so wide it hurt, spread across her face and then Rose, too, started running. Towards him. As she'd been doing all along, for decades, throughout every dimension.

She hadn't been sure, hadn't dared to dream, to hope, not after all this time. He'd been so sad, so alone, on that day on the beach and yet he'd seemed okay on the laptop and she had wondered if maybe she shouldn't have told him those words on the beach, if maybe he no longer wanted her, afraid of hurting her feelings if she was with him and if, maybe, he had not found someone better to come with him.

And yet, the moment he laid eyes on her, she could see something come to life inside him that hadn't been there before, could see the same hope, the same longing and the same smile, unable to suppress the sheer joy, their exuberance at finally finding each other, at having, once again, done the impossible and at finally being together again.

But then she saw it and stopped dead – though Rose was a moment too late. The Dalek had already fired off its gun and, helpless, she watched, as his head turned, as he stopped instead of continuing to run. And it grazed him.

Heart in her throat, she watched, incredulous, as the Doctor's body froze, lit up for a moment from the inside out, before crumbling to the ground. Luckily Jack appeared in the nick of time and was more capable of gathering his wits than her and he shot the Dalek before it could send off a second shot while she was unable to tear her eyes off the man she loved.

Heart racing, throat tight and breath coming in tight gasps, she rushed the last few steps to his side, dropping the dimension cannon carelessly to the side, never noticing as the button on its side lit up twice in rapid succession, signifying that two people from Pete's world had made their way across.

Tears shimmering in her eyes, a desperate smile on her lips, she tried to deny what had happened, hoping that somehow he'd survive, he wouldn't regenerate. He couldn't. His goodbye was a fixed point but yet...

"Shh, I've got you," she pulled him slightly up, her arms around him, unable to understand what was happening. He couldn't have been hit, right? "It missed you," she told him despite knowing otherwise, "look, it's me, Doctor."

His voice came out as a pained gasp, so similar to his last regeneration that she could no longer suppress the tears, as he spoke her name. "Rose."

Heart in her throat, eyes dark, the desperation, the knowledge that she'd lose him the very moment she found him, spread through her, but still she gave him a heartrending smile, her hands soft on his cheek, allowing the world around them to dissipate until it was just the two of them; the way it had always been.

"Hi," she said warmly, watching as his brown eyes lit up slightly, his hand intertwining with hers and he breathed out just as she did at the feeling of belonging, of being home, of finally being together again.

"Long time no see," he said, voice slightly teasing, despite the fact that she could see the pain slowly getting stronger, could feel his hand flexing around her own.

"Yeah. Been busy, you know," she joked, knowing that she was no longer able to hide her sorrow from him, tears choking her voice. And then he gasped in pain, body jerking beneath her, and Rose felt herself holding onto him tighter, incoherently pleading with him even though she knew it was absurd, that there was nothing he could do.

"Don't die. Oh, my God. Don't die. Oh my god, don't die."

Jack got her to focus again, snapping her out of her grief and she rapidly remembered that there were Daleks, potentially everywhere and that they were vulnerable to secondary attacks. Nodding, biting back the tears, having long ago learned the ability to focus on the task at hand to the exclusivity of everything else, that in a war, you didn't get the luxury of indulging in your emotions, she slid her arms around his waist and helped him stand, stumbling precariously under the added weight and glad when the redhead took his other side. With Donna's help, they were able to quickly move him back into the ship, the Doctor only able to stumble, almost drunkenly, between them and of very little help. Nonetheless, with Jack protecting them and the ship opening her doors at Rose's silent request – something which her Doctor was in too much pain to notice and everyone else, luckily, attributed to him – they were back in the Tardis, safe, in very little time.

As soon as they were inside, the Doctor refused to cooperate anymore and they were barely able to let him down to the ground gently as his full weight suddenly pulled them down.

"What... what do we do? There must be some medicine or something," the desperation was clear in Donna's voice, but Rose couldn't bring herself to explain, her hand still intertwined with his, having dropped to her knees at his side, wondering if there was any way she could help. Could she take the energy somehow? Filter it off into the Tardis? Absorb it?

The Tardis hummed warningly in her mind and she backed down, knowing that even if he changed, at least she was here, with him. Still didn't explain the 1st January, a voice in her mind reminded her, but she could take a closer look at the timelines later, find out what she needed to know. Maybe she'd been wrong, maybe he hadn't been regenerating... maybe... maybe he'd just been in pain...?

"Just step back," Jack reminded them and, when she still refused to leave him, to let his hand disentangle from her own, she felt his hand on her shoulder. "Rose, do as I say and get back! He's dying and you know what happens next."

Heartbroken, she stood up, allowing her hand to gently slide out of his, watching as it dropped to the floor where the... where _her_ Doctor lay, teeth gritted against the pain, trying to hold off his regeneration.

"What do you mean, what happens next?" Donna questioned just as the Doctor started to glow and he stumbled to his feet, bracing himself against the console.

Jack's hand came to touch her, to pull her into him and Rose automatically flinched back, before realising who had reached out to her. She noticed his sideways look, his silent enquiry, but refused to explain and they turned back to the Doctor as he turned away from the console, standing by his own strength.

"It's starting," he declared.

"Here we go," Jack announced, pulling both her and Donna tight against him. "Good luck, Doctor."

"Will someone please tell me what is going on?" Donna interrupted, eyes wide, fixed on the Doctor. Rose could almost sympathise, remembered how confused she'd been when he'd suddenly changed in front of her without any real explanation, so, her eyes still fixed on the Time Lord, she tried to explain it to the redhead.

"When he's dying, his- his body, it sorta repairs itself. Except it does it by changing into someone else, someone new," then, directed at the Doctor, she shouted, desperately, not wanting to lose him the moment she'd found him, "But you can't!"

He sounded truly regretful, eyes dark as he met hers just moments before the energy consumed him.

"I'm sorry, it's too late. I'm regenerating."

Then, with a scream, he gave in, his body alit with a golden fire. Rose refused to look away, wanting to remember it, the last few seconds in that body, knowing that no matter who he turned into, she'd still love, would always love him, but it never felt like she'd had enough time. Not with his previous body and not with this one. She didn't want to give in, didn't want to lose him, wanted to try, despite the Tardis' warning... but she dared not. All that power in her hands, Rose knew, she could easily cause irreversible damage. What if, instead of helping him, she killed him? Unable to help, unable to do anything but watch, the blonde leaned against her old friend, Jack, knowing he would understand her loss better than anyone; that he was the only one who would ever understand, truly, just what they lost with each body, each new face he wore.

* * *

You're all brilliant. I'll do my best for the next chapter, but it will probably take some time. I hate rewriting episodes with a passion, but for you guys, I'll try and get something done for you as soon as I can.

Responses to reviews below:

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**hotsasukefan**

Hi! And thanks for both reviews. I definitely understand the feeling of life interfering. I am glad you enjoyed and sorry you still ended up having to wait for the next chapter. I hope you continue enjoying it and I hope your life's running a bit smoother now :)

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**50penny**

Yay! Thank you so much for your lovely review. I'm glad you enjoy my characterisations of the Doctor(s) and Rose. It's always nice to have someone new reading it. Thanks again for your compliments on my latest chapter. Actual reunion will be in the next chapter. Sorry :) I admit, I'm rather curious as to how I'll handle the River-situation as well. Got some ideas, but I'll figure it out in time, promise :) I am looking forward to writing the eleventh Doctor. Would love to hear from you again.

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**eleanoralovesananias **

Wow – just, wow! Thank you so much for this massive review. I'll do my best to address everything. I'm always happy to have someone new joining the ranks, and a big thanks for taking the time to give such a detailed feedback!

Thank you for thinking my Rose is not OOC; I admit to rather liking her. I do have plans to resolve bits and pieces and I do hope you'll enjoy it. I promise it's not a "yay, she's back and everything's magically alright and fixed" solution. Rose has and will go through some very real trauma. It's not easily fixed. She is deeply damaged by a lot of the things and they have and will continue to accumulate over the years and decades. The Doctor will have to decide in the end, if he will help Rose heal and how far he is willing to go for her, how much he is willing to forgive, to understand.

I understand what you mean about the Doctor. I think he sometimes comes across that way mainly because I want to demonstrate just how Rose has made him playful, has made him be happy and childish rather than dark and mature all the time. I think their relationship at that point has been rather one-sided though; Rose healed him, Rose helped him, Rose stopped him. He loved her and he showed that in his actions, but he didn't understand her deepest fears; he was rather self-centered – and I don't mean that in a negative way. He had been through something really terrible and, inevitably, because he holds onto the guilt and the pain, he finds it hard to focus on others to a greater detail, to understand their pain. He will have to learn and come to terms with that, as he uncovers what has happened to Rose – and what she has done and been forced to do. So, if that makes sense, at the moment this is all Rose-centric and will be for a while, before we focus on the Doctor and watch as he learns about her, about himself, about his willingness to bend his morals, his viewpoints where she is concerned (or not). Don't think there's much violence to come still, but a lot of angst still. And fluff, I'm afraid. Some in the next chapter, mixed with angst and lots of other things so hopefully no toothache (but maybe a tear or two?).

As I said above, it's not a simple solution, not a hey everything's okay. It will involve a lot of character development, fights, things said in the heat of the moment, understanding and pushing of boundaries. You don't just get over this and over what's yet to come. Hope that soothes your main worry a bit. And you're right; I'm not describing and putting her through all this character development to just have it blown off. It's a betrayal on both sides, in a way. A betrayal of trust plus all the lies and abandonment. You're right. Just as he was most afraid of the Time Lords, he is most afraid of what he is capable of. He will be even more so once he realises what Rose is capable of, has done. And Rose is incredibly scared of how far she is willing to go for him and yet cannot back down now that she has gone this far. There will be some Bad Wolf scenes yet to come. I'm glad you enjoyed my silence chapter (took a bit to think of a good title; glad you liked it!). I understand; my beta reader mentioned the same thing. It's like your favourite song, but listen to it too often and it starts getting repetitive. I will try to curb this slightly in as much as I can once these stupid recap-chapters are over. Anyway, I do hope you'll continue to enjoy the story and the coming chapters. Thanks so much for your review and I'd love to hear from you again!

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**Bad Wolf Jen**

Thank you for all three reviews! Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed my character development and the couple of jokes I've built in. I hope you'll continue to enjoy the story and I would truly love to hear from you again.

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**Diving in**

Hi! Glad to hear from you and I hope the rest all made sense :) I do hope you'll enjoy this chapter, afraid it's stopping, sorta, at the same point. I hope to hear from you again – please review :)

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**MuppetKatie**

Yay – thank you so much for writing three reviews! Thank you so very, very much! And for the detailed feedback. So glad you enjoyed my take on the Doctor. It was fun writing him; especially with Jenny. My beta pointed out to me that the companions didn't appear, which is why I built-in those two scenes; I really liked Jack talking about her, because he would hurt, but not as much as the Doctor. He's had two-hundred years, of sorts, to deal with not having her around. I think he loved Rose, just as he loves the Doctor – a mix between deep friendship and romantic interest. I'm excited for what happens in three chapters (can't wait – stupid recap-chapters!).

Chap 10 – So glad you enjoyed the Silence (and that it creeped you out *muahaha*). It was interesting to write it and I tried to make it more emotional with how you could see what was happening, what she didn't remember and watch as she lost herself, as her mind got so twisted she didn't understand reality, convinced fully of what they told her. It will take a lot of time to overcome all this, all the guilt, the self-hatred, the pain and the Doctor will have to be the one to heal most of it, because he's the only one who can fully understand and he's the one she did it for, the only one she'd trust. She will be quite a bit like the Doctor when she first met him and once he understands that, he will have to find out just how much he is willing to forgive, to understand. I'm looking forward to writing it. That will be also a POV-reversal, where we'll see more from his perspective as he uncovers Rose, bit by bit, and his character develops further.

Chap 9 – Yay! Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed all the different emotions and issues; it never was intended that way, but once I'd written it, I simply couldn't delete it. I think it's an essential part of them, the fact that they always protect each other over themselves when it really matters and yet end up hurting each other when they're not paying enough attention. I'm so glad you enjoyed the seduction scene. It was my first one and, I'm really sorry to say, I can't quite see them having intercourse. In my head, the Doctor, above all, is still kinda asexual; odd, I know. But that was very fun to write and I tried to portray the very real heat and lust and love between the two, even when they never even kiss, they still do want each other. It's just that they are too important to one another, I think. Thanks a ton for all your lovely reviews and for sharing your thoughts with me. I'm so glad you enjoyed reading and I do hope I don't disappoint. We still have a long way to go and I hope you'll continue reading and giving me feedback.

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**lizbethia **

YAY! Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed all the emotions and I am sorry it took so long to update. I do hope you'll enjoy this chapter and I'll do my best to turn the next one around asap. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, if you got time! Thanks again :)

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**lillideathflower**

Wow *blush* thank you so very, very much. What glowing praise :) Thank you. I do hope you'll continue enjoying the story. We're just about half-way (if that). I'd love to hear what you think of this latest chapter, if you got time! Thanks!

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**cecilehem**

Hi – thanks for your faithful reviews and for such a lengthy one to boot! Sorry this one and the next one are a bit slow in coming. I haaaate episode-recaps. Anyway, don't want you to feel that way too, so I won't go on about it too much. I'm glad you think I portrayed the seduction scene well. Sorry, I never went into much depth about it with regards to the what women expect; it's not the fact that he doesn't know her, but it's the fact that everyone and every experience he has, tells him differently. He can't help but wonder if maybe Rose is accepting it, but still wishing for the fairytale; and if he could, that's what he'd want to give her. But Rose never says. She is very concerned about telling him she's not going to leave him and that she doesn't want a normal life but even her mother keeps telling him different. So it's not a matter of him not knowing, but rather of him doubting what he knows is the truth. Does that make sense?

During the near-kiss, Rose is giving in, she is telling him it's okay to kiss her, but because she is giving him her approval, he realises that this is not how he wants to kiss her. When he kisses her, he wants Rose to know what entering a relationship with him means, what he's done, what he's capable of, and what her future with him would look like, what he's willing to give and what he _can't _give. But it takes time to open up; he is trying and divulging, bit by bit, but he wants everything with her and not just a kiss and her to then realise she can't handle the rest of it.

With regards to the not-human anymore, he has made a comment about Jack and 51st century humans changing themselves – same as with Cassandra, always changing until they are not human anymore. He never broached the subject of Bad Wolf again and Rose fears that, should he discover that she intentionally went in to change herself so she could handle more of the vortex, he would be disgusted by 1) the fact that she rewrote herself, dabbled with something she had no hope of understanding and changing herself and 2) that she did it for him; he would never want her to do that, and she knows that, and she fears that when he looks at her, all he'd be able to see is not the person he originally met, that he died to keep her from doing just this, from it changing her and yet she did precisely that. I appreciate it doesn't fully make sense but with her fear of her mother's insistence against aliens, her Doctor's casual comments against humans changing themselves, and her inherent feeling of being inferior plus the loneliness, it would all add up to something larger in her head than it actually is. Of course that one thing isn't going to bother him one iota, beyond the pain and the fact that she had been forced to do it, because he had not taken the different time into account. Does that make sense?

Yeah, there's a whole lot still coming with her having killed people. She'll have to deal with it and she will have people helping her; mainly the Doctor, of course. But that's a bit off yet. I'll write those from his perspective; looking forward to it, actually. And you're right, she can't control everything, but she holds herself to the same standards as the Doctor does himself. Even one person dies and he has failed as far as he is concerned. And killing is stages and stages beyond being unable to help or solve the problem in time to save everyone.

... I can't comment on that and that alone will probably tell you more than I want you to know at this stage. I promise, there will be explanations on every side.

So glad you enjoyed the Doctor-chapter – there will be a lot more of them inthe future. Yep, I definitely watched for those elusive Rose-scenes. I don't think he did achieve the different smiles, unfortunately and I highly doubt it was part of the script. For me it was a matter of the increased closeness between the two and the sharpness of her loss would be reflected in every area of his life, I think.

I know what you mean about River. I do like her, but I don't like the flirting nor the fact that she doesn't seem to like his personality quirks (bowtie, Stetson, fez). I'm still trying to decide on River's position in his lives and everything, but I can tell you, that Rose will definitely be with eleven. I hope that helps. I understand what you mean about the betrayal at the library and I personally think that largely contributed to his letting go of Rose; he had to go off, live his life, and at some point apparently marry someone not-Rose. The only way he could do that if she wasn't with him, if he believed her to be happy. The only way for her to be happy was if she was with him and her family; the perfect solution. No danger. River's coming back for xmas? I didn't know that. Sigh. Not looking forward to that, then.

Your large review definitely made up for it – thank you so much for leaving me with such detailed feedback and all your thoughts. I answered your concerns to the best of my ability and hope this helps understand some of the decisions. I promise, whatever comes, I'll do my best to explain their decisions. Again, thanks so much for all the feedback and all your thoughts. It's really great and I'm glad you get excited getting emails about new chapters; I always get excited when I get another review!

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**Kylaia78**

Yay! Thank you so much for your review. I do hope you enjoyed this latest chapter. I would love to hear from you again!

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**AppleGrass15 **

Hi! Thank you so much for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed the flashbacks! They are fun to write. I wanted to show his playful side a bit more. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Would love to hear from you again.

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**Darkwolfberlin**

Haha! Danke fuer deine review und gern geschehen :) Ich kann dir jetzt schon verraten, dass spaetere Kapitel eher von der Perspektive des Doktor's geschrieben werden und Rose eher zwischendurch. *lol* Ich hoffe, ich habe den Mittelraum zwischen Depressionen und heulen getroffen. Freut mich, dass dir seine Perspektive gefallen hat. Es hat echt spass gemacht ueber Jenny zu schreiben, denn egal wie sehr er sich auch gewehrt hat, es war klar, dass sie schon ihren weg in seine Herzen gefunden hatte. Ja, ich gebe gern zu, dass auch ich gespannt darauf bin, wie ich River erklaeren werde. Muss ich noch drueber nachdenken. Habe nen paar Ansatzpunkte aber noch nicht richtig fuer etwas entschieden. Wuerde mich freuen auch hier wieder von dir zu hoeren; bin neugierig was du von diesem Kapitel haeltst.

LG PepperonyOwl

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**hyperdragon97 **

Hiya! Thanks so much for your review. I do hope you'll enjoy my Rose and I am very much looking forward to writing the eleventh Doctor. I hope you'll continue reading and reviewing! I always love the feedback!

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**SassyFrassKerr **

Aww... I did put some fluffy moments in, didn't I? What about the snowball fight? And a big thank you for your review btw! I know, River's still being sorted but I promise, here and now, in my story, she'll never be his wife. The family of blood was interesting one to write. I liked leading it all back to her; that was interesting. No fluff yet. Stupid rewrites. I wanna write fluff, but I have to get episode rewrite out of the way first. Stupid things! I like her as a character too, I think she'd be a brilliant companion. Just not his wife. She doesn't make a good wife to him, not in my opinion. I would, as always, love to hear from you. Thanks for the review

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**Technokitty818**

Hi! Thanks for your review and not a problem. I like responding to everyone; it's fun. It makes me think and occasionally gives me new ideas for fluffy scenes :) It's unfortunately quite a bit more complicated than you think; I'll tell you Season 6 will be there as well, but I am not doing any more episode rewrites really after this. More like the Doctor, snippets of thoughts or moments in between; not rewrites. Rewrites are boring. I am glad you enjoy the setup and thanks for the compliments! I am not quite sure, but I will tell you that we're around half-way, possibly – probably – a bit less than half-way. I'm glad you enjoyed Jack's speech; it was an afterthought thanks to my Beta, but fit in incredibly well in the end. So thank you! I will endeavour to do my best with the next chapter, but episode rewrites are tedious. I do hope you'll continue reviewing; I'd love to hear from you again.

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**CupcakeFlake**

Thank you again for your review. I really like your nickname by the way. Yep, three years is a bit better, but it just adds onto everything. All stuff she and the Doctor will have to deal with.

I know, Fred really grows on you though, doesn't she? There are some brilliant Youtube videos out there. I personally also like the Illyria Breath of Life video on Youtube.

I'm glad you liked Jack, Martha and Donna. Those scenes are thanks to a prompt from my beta who suggested putting the companions in there. I am glad you enjoyed their characterisations.

*lol* I like your ending words; I will do my best to muddle through the next chapter as quickly as I can to get it up! Thanks for the lovely reviews.


	13. Journey's End

Hiya everyone!

From here on in, it should be much easier and faster to write – apologies for the wait. Please feel free to PM me any time btw! Oh! And one of my readers has a candy store / tea room called Clockwork Rose! Visit it if you happen to live nearby – it even has a fireplace!

I've got a big request for all you guys – please, please sign the petition to have a season 2 of the show Forever. It's a cool mix of Sherlock Holmes and the Doctor – of sorts and the lead guy is really hot! I absolutely love this show and it ended with only one season! *cry* So, please help!

As for this chapter – a big thank you for the steady encouragement from my lovely beta reader, **The Clever Doctor,** without whom this chapter would've taken another couple of weeks to come.

This chapter, as always, is dedicated to my beta and all my fabulous reviewers, both old and new:

**DoctorMadHatter**

**mariontyler **

**TechiePandah **

**Tykhe-Nemesis **

**BUCKYBARNESGIRL2016 **

**IamEcho **

**Bad Wolf Jen **

**Seralina **

**Tiggrchic982 **

**greeneyesCutie **

**AppleGrass15 **

**cecilehem **

**msschaller99 **

**Darkwolfberlin**

**CupcakeFlake **

**SassyFrassKerr **

**Guest Aka silvay **

**XSunshine95X **

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Just so no one's confused, this chapter starts off with the Doctor's POV of his reunion with Rose.

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He opened the Tardis doors, stepping outside, eyes scanning the street automatically. It was empty, abandoned; cars, houses and a church but not a single human being – or Dalek for that matter. Cars, half-opened, in the middle of the streets; bicycles, prams, all left behind... but why?

"It's like a ghost town," Donna said behind him.

It was still hard to fathom that the Daleks had somehow made it into the timelocked Time War but little else could explain what had taken place. Dalek Caan, Davros – he had been right. The universe always demanded a price; and it was a rather steep one for her return. He just hoped he could fix this entire mess, save his companions both old and new, and return all the planets to their original places and defeat the Daleks. No pressure.

But to do all that, he needed to find out what their plan was; his only hope was that Rose knew and Donna had that information, somewhere inside of her.

"Sarah Jane said they were taking the people," he said, fixing his attention fully onto his companion, turning around to face her. "What for? Think, Donna. When you met Rose in that parallel world, what did she say?"

Donna shook her head slightly, voice soft, "just, 'the darkness is coming.'"

There had to be something, something that would explain all this though.

"Anything else?"

He could see her brows furrow, eyes going past him as she tried to think and he could see her eyes widening slightly in surprise; yet it still took him another few moments to understand her question.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?"

For a moment, a split second, his brain couldn't make sense of it. His brows furrowed and he was aware of staring at the redhead, but her question didn't make sense. Of course he would be asking her directly if she were here – but she wasn't.

He watched, uncomprehending, as Donna gave him such a warm smile, her eyes sympathetic and happy – happy for him. His throat tightened as hope rose up in him and when his companion's eyes flitted past him again, just over his shoulder, he only hesitated for another second.

Half-turning, he looked up again at the previously empty street. His heart beats were thundering in his ear, blood rushing, hands trembling. His hope was suffocating him and breathing was difficult, every breath forced past the tightness of his throat, his chest clamping...

...and then he saw her.

At the other end of the street. Blonde hair, lips parting to give him a wide grin that made his hearts jump and his eyes glisten; he'd never thought, hadn't fully been able to believe that he would really get to see her again, to see her blonde hair, her smiles, _her._ His hand twitched, wanting to reach out to her; and then she started running and so did he. Towards her, the woman he loved, the woman he hadn't seen, had thought he'd never get to see again, not in any of his long lives.

The Doctor wasn't sure if he'd ever run this fast, every inch of him yearning to hold her, to be with her, touch her, to make sure it really was her, his Rose. He could scarcely believe that here and now, she was actually with him, had found him when he had resigned himself to looking for her once he had sorted all this mess out. His Rose.

She was here, really here and she had done the impossible. Both his hearts felt fit to burst with happiness, a feeling he had become so unaccustomed to. Even at this distance, he could see it, see it in her smile, her eyes; the same longing, the same happiness that could no more be contained and he smiled so widely he was sure his face would split. Rose was here, Rose was back, really back.

The Time Lord only had eyes for her, for the woman running towards him just as he was running to her; despite knowing where they were, how dangerous it was, and he blamed himself, most of all, for not having paid attention when he really should have.

He loved her. Loved Rose. He needed her, every inch of him, every fibre of his being, yearned for her, her hand, her smile, her laughter, her hair, her teasing. He missed her in ways he'd never thought possible and hadn't dared to dwell on. But now that she was back, that she was _right here_, he wanted it all.

And he hadn't cared; not what was happening, not where they were, because it didn't matter. Why should it matter?

Except he saw her eyes skitter to his left, saw her mouth drop open and her eyes widen in horror and in that same moment he heard it; the voice of his enemy, of an enemy he had all but forgotten about in his exuberance.

"Exterminate!"

They both tried to slow down, to fight or escape; but it was too little, too late. And if one of them had to pay the price for his inattention, he was glad it was him rather than her. He wasn't sure how well he would've handled losing her just after he'd gotten her back.

The Dalek's attack only managed to graze him – but it was enough. He grunted out in pain, his legs crumbling beneath him as his entire system slowly shut down. His body hit the tarmac, hard. The impact forced the air out of his lungs and he closed his eyes for what he thought was only a moment, but then she was at his side, her arms around him and her smell hovering in the air around him.

Rose, his wonderful, brilliant, fantastic Rose.

"Shh, I've got you," her voice, beautiful, fantastic voice, rang out around him and his hearts ached for a moment. Another thing he'd missed; except he could hear the note of sorrow threaded through it, could hear the tears she was choking back. He never wanted her to cry, not her, never her.

"It missed you," a lie, they both knew, "look, it's me, Doctor" she continued, regardless and he opened his eyes, desperately staring at her, scanning her, trying to memorise every inch of her, the new her, trying to see how she'd changed and fathom just how much of her was still just as he remembered her to be.

She had changed. Her hair was lighter and there was darkness in her eyes; he wondered, absently, if that had been his doing. When he'd left her behind, on that beach, had the darkness, the loneliness, the desperation and grief carved its way into her heart the same as it had into his? Was that the cause for the darkness in her eyes? Had he done this to her? Forced the light away, forced it to bow to the grief? Was that why she looked so much older, why her eyes let him know that she had aged beyond her physical years? Had his loss driven her to distraction as much as it had him? Had she fought or had she, as he had on occasion, contemplated just giving in?

But did that matter, right here and now? She was back with him, her arms around him and he found that while he wanted to know, wanted Rose to share every memory, every experience she'd had without him, wanted to hear her talk until she fell asleep at night, wanted to surround himself with her; feel her arms around him, her hand in his, watch her face light up and see her lips curl into a smile – he wanted to hear her voice, wanted to hear her talk, ceaselessly, for hours until it drowned out everything else, until she made him forget that he'd ever been without it, without her – but all that faded to his far more urgent need to just have her with him in any way she would offer.

"Rose," he gasped out, pain in his voice but more than that, overwhelmed by his body's response to her. He'd thought his body was sensitive in general, but he found it was even more so for her, attuned to her, tingling pleasantly wherever they made contact, hyper-aware of every scant inch of her skin, especially when they touched, her warmer body setting his on fire. By Rassilon, he loved her. Everything about her. The warmth, the rush of emotion inside him, flooding his entire system with one overwhelming emotion. Love.

He felt her hand slowly touch his cheek but refused to close his eyes despite the wonderful rush of hormones left in her wake. And then she smiled at him, warmly, softly, so full of emotion he couldn't help but respond in kind, ignoring the pain, relishing in this one moment where the world around them dissipated, where everyone and everything except them no longer mattered.

They had always been able to do it, focus on each other to the exclusion of everything else, no matter where they were. He forgot about the Dalek, about Donna, the danger and the 27 planets. All that mattered was her. His Rose, smiling at him, his chest tight with the swell of a myriad of emotions inside him, and all he could do was smile back at her, his body lacking the strength to touch her face, her hair the way he longed to.

"Hi," she said, voice soft, the same note of longing, of desperation and love in it that he felt himself. They were good at pretending, had always been. She'd known what he needed even when he wasn't certain, had always given him what he wanted – and needed – and they both pretended, pretended that it was perfectly normal for him to sleep in her bed, for them to spend their every waking hour together, to read each other the way they did, to open up about anything and everything to each other; pretended they were just best mates, nothing more. Pretended they hadn't gotten married. Pretended they didn't love each other as fiercely as they did, pretended they weren't a couple in every way that mattered.

He felt the coldness seep in as her hand left his cheek and he only barely stopped himself from protesting, from breaking the farce, but felt heat rush through him, relief spreading through him, as her hand met his, fingers threading through one another and suddenly, for a moment, even the pain disappeared. He was home. Every day, everywhere they had gone, past body and new one, they had always held hands. In his previous incarnation it had merely been her hand in his as he showed her the universe; in his new body their fingers intertwined perfectly, as if that's what they had always been meant for, his body born for one sole purpose. Rose Tyler.

His lips twitched into an answering grin, hearts thundering in his ears despite the pain returning.

"Long time no see," he teased and watched her amber eyes light up slightly though it nearly faded when his hand squeezed hers harder than he meant to when the pain momentarily overwhelmed him.

Still, she understood the game, knew that he needed this moment between them, this moment where they pretended everything was alright. So her smile never faltered, but her eyes darkened, involuntarily, and he wished desperately he could take the pain out of them; he'd gladly suffer through all this and more if only he could take the darkness out of her eyes. He had never meant to hurt her, never meant for her to learn the effects of grief, the pain of separation, of loss, of a longing that they had both thought would forever go unfulfilled.

"Yeah," she said, trying to hide the pain and play along, as she always did, forever being just what he needed, "been busy, you know." But despite the smile, he could hear the tears choking her, could see her true emotions shining through, the same way they had always done, her eyes telling him what her words didn't.

Despite his best efforts, a strangled gasp escaped him as his body bowed under the strain of holding off his regeneration, trying to fight the effects of the Dalek's weapon. He wished, desperately, he could reassure her, say anything to Rose to show her he was okay; except he wasn't. He was almost grateful for the fact that the pain took his voice; at least he wouldn't hurt her further by screaming, by gasping in pain – at least she wouldn't know just how much every breath hurt, prolonging the agony.

"Don't die. Oh, my God. Don't die. Oh my god, don't die."

He wanted to follow her wishes, do as she asked – not just for her, but for him, too. He didn't want to go, didn't want to let go of this body, not now, not when he'd just gotten her back.

Despite all their time together, he'd never told her, had been too embarrassed by all the implications if he were to confess this, but this body had been made for her.

His previous one had been born out of hate, cold anger, desperation and grief. A reminder of everything and everyone he'd lost, of everything he'd done. But then she'd been there and she had made him better – a better man, a better Doctor, not just someone who aspired to be better, but she made him someone who _was _better. And then he'd kissed her, had felt all that power flood into him, amazed she'd been able to hold out as long as she had, amazed it hadn't burnt her from the inside out, and, above all, that she had done all this for him. And for the first time he realised he didn't want to die anymore – he wanted to live. She made him want to live.

And he never, ever, wanted to let her go. It wasn't a pure thought or desire, it wasn't for her sake or for the universe. It was selfish; a longing to never be alone again, a dark realisation that he didn't want to ever find out what kind of man he was without her at his side, a need to have her around him, with him, forever.

And so, when he'd changed, it had been with only one thing in his mind, one person filling his hearts.

Rose Marion Tyler.

It hadn't been a conscious process, a thought, but nevertheless when he first saw himself, he had realised it. His body – it was made for her. Young-ish, fit, pretty, hands created to fit hers so perfectly, born longing for her hand in his, her arms around him, born craving her lips, her taste, her scent, needing everything that she was and born being everything he thought she wanted. This body was for her, her alone, and it didn't – couldn't – work without her. Without her, all his senses had felt duller whereas she could set him on fire just by touching him. Without her, all the voices where just one of many, innumerable, whereas he could pick hers out in a crowd, always tuned in to hear her voice, no matter where they were. He had been lost and his companions had helped – but now she was here and everything had been right again for one tiny moment. He didn't want to lose this body – because it had been hers, it wasn't his to give up.

Except he didn't have a choice. He heard Jack, faintly, and wondered when exactly the immortal had joined them, though he half-suspected he'd been there almost as long as the Dalek – and probably the reason the Dalek hadn't sent off a second shot, something he really should have considered before but all his attention had been focussed on Rose.

He felt her lean closer to him, her shoulder under his, her arm around his waist and he did his best to help her get him upright though he knew his strength – and focus – was rather limited at the moment. Thankfully his new companion, Donna, supported him from the other side, aiding him as he stumbled between the two, unable to keep his focus sufficiently but trusting them to get him to a safe place; the Tardis.

He could feel the moment they were inside and his strength left him; both Donna and Rose helped him lie down on the grating, Rose's hand in his, refusing to leave his side.

The redhead was protesting and he wished he could tell her, tell her he'd survive this; it wouldn't be this him, but still him. But he had little strength left and Jack could explain. What little time he had left, he wanted to spend with Rose, wanted to enjoy her presence, to relish in the warm little human hand that tightened around his own, almost as if she understood what he couldn't say.

But then he felt it; the energy inside of him rising to a loud hum, drowning out everyone but her, a rush of time, of strength and power that made him almost delirious; except the pain was still there, still ravaging his body and it was about to get worse.

He gritted his teeth, thankful when Rose allowed her hand to slip out of his and stepped away – and at the same time wishing she would have held on for longer. The pain was less present, less overwhelming when she had been at his side and yet he knew he could not hold off for much longer and he didn't want to hurt her, never her.

Almost in wonder he held his hand out in front of him, staring as the golden light gently started pulsing through it, announcing to his companions, both current and former, "it's starting."

Stumbling to his feet, hands clutching the console for a moment, listening as his blonde companion, whom he'd sorely missed, explained to Donna what was about to happen.

"When he's dying, his- his body, it sorta repairs itself. Except it does it by changing into someone else, someone new," then she turned, her voice desperate, tearing at his hearts; he wished he could grant her wish, wished he could fulfil it, wished he could fulfil her every wish, "But you can't!"

Only he couldn't give her this one wish, couldn't stay, not even for her. It was burning, inside him, his body aglow and in moments he'd heal, the pain taken away before he'd turn into a new man. A new man not made for her, a hand that would not be made just to interweave with hers, his skin no longer aching for her touch. And he wished he could do as she asked. But he couldn't. Not this time.

Regretful, hearts aching, he looked at her for a moment, allowing himself to memorise her even now – tears running down her face, desperation etched into her face, mouth twitching downwards instead of upwards – before he denied her.

"I'm sorry, it's too late. I'm regenerating."

Stepping away from the console, his eyes landed on the hand. His hand... _HIS _HAND! Oh, he was an idiot. If he was careful – and Rose was here, so for her he could be very, very careful – he could use the energy to heal him, just enough, and then siphon the rest of, the ones that would normally change him. Because he had his hand, his perfect, biological match of a hand. It should be able to contain the energy.

Eyes narrowed in concentration, all his focus going into judging just the right moment, he allowed the golden light to suffuse him and engulf his entire being.

It was difficult, regaining control in the middle of regeneration, but for her he was willing to risk everything to stay just as he was. Struggling, he spun to the side, forcing the energy into a narrow tunnel, through both his arms and hands, directing it towards the glass container with his hand inside.

Gasping in both pain and surprise, he stumbled back, the energy forcing him backwards once the last of it had left his body and he only narrowly avoided headbutting the coral strut behind him. Breathing heavily, sweating with the strain, he stared wide-eyed at the hand in the glass container, still unable to believe he'd actually managed to accomplish what he'd set out to do.

"Now then," he found himself saying, focusing back on the astonished trio on the other side of the console, "where were we?"

Rose, Donna and Jack looked utterly flabbergasted, unsure what to make of what had just taken place. Ignoring them momentarily, his hand already longing to hold hers, he stepped forward to check on his spare hand in the jar, kneeling down in front of it.

"There now."

Grinning slightly, he blew on the jar and watched as the glowing stopped.

"You see?" he asked his companions excitedly, looking back up at them. Noticing the still bemused looks he was receiving, his grin widened and he explained, "I used the regeneration energy to heal myself, but soon as that was done, I didn't need to change."

Then, frowning slightly, he added, "I didn't want to." He could see Rose's lips at twitching traitorously – at last – as he fiddled with his tie and then his hair, sniffing slightly against the imagined slight upon him. "Why would I? Look at me!"

He was well aware that he was talking very fast but, to be fair, he was really only focused on one person. Rose. And how much he wanted her... to hold her, that is. Well, mostly hold her. That and obviously the enormous influx of energy his body was still trying to absorb and handle; the equivalent of a massive adrenaline rush for humans.

"So, to stop the energy going all the way, I siphoned off the rest into a handy bio-matching receptacle, namely my hand. My hand there. My handy spare hand," he grinned widely at them, before using his hold on the console to push himself fully upright, all his attention now focused on the one person in the room that mattered most to him.

"Remember?" he asked her, "Christmas Day, Sycorax? Lost my hand in a sword fight? That's my hand."

Though he paused for nary a second, he wondered if Rose remembered the circumstances, the moment he'd once asked her the very same question, asked her a question filled with so many meanings – meanings lost to most others, but not her.

"What do you think?"

She would understand what he was asking. He wasn't asking for her approval, rather he was looking for her acceptance.

He watched her, as she stepped closer, her hands following the crease of his suit jacket, for a moment, inspecting him, he knew, before her eyes met his, a gentle smile curling at her mouth. He looked at her, analysing her in return, searched for any changes, any differences, searched her face for new wrinkles – something he found himself oddly looking forward to; he wanted to see an older version of the blonde, wanted to watch her face slowly gain more wrinkles and laughter lines, wanted to be there every step of the way, a chance he'd thought he'd lost and a feeling he'd never experienced before. But she was here, now, and her face was unlined. Her hair was lighter and she wore a blue leather jacket similar to his previous regeneration, an armour she carried like a shield in around her akin to his own, because while she had not physically aged, Rose looked older than he ever remembered her being.

He wondered how much time had passed; not enough to show its passage on her face and yet sufficient to darken her eyes, to bring the bright light that normally shone in them down to a flickering candlelight, close to extinguishing and yet its flame remained lit despite any and all opposition, stubbornly fighting the world at large. He wanted to stoke that fire, wanted to see her light return; he wanted to drown out the darkness in her with happiness, with laughter, friendship and love until she was back, his Rose.

He didn't know what had changed but the woman he had known never hid, never apologised for being herself, refused to be cowed or distrust anyone on sheer prejudice alone; she _entrusted _her vulnerability to everyone, displaying what she felt, telling them what she thought, fighting for what she believed was right even when everyone else refused to lift a hand. The Rose in front of him still had that spark, that life, but she hid it, had learned she couldn't trust everyone with it, couldn't have that same blind faith. And he didn't like it; it was almost like a distorted reflection of himself, thoughts and emotions carefully locked away.

She had saved him once and now, he supposed it was finally time for him to help her; she didn't need saving, rather, he thought, she needed someone to trust, to rekindle that light until all her emotions sparkled in her eyes again, reflected in her face, until she felt she was free to show her feelings and lower her guard, to trust the world at large not to abuse her faith.

A part of him wondered at the faint scar by her neck disappearing beneath the collar, wondered if there were any other scars he had yet to discover, new ones with new stories, hidden behind her shirt and felt abashed and surprised at the momentary uncontrollable flare of desire that shot through him as his thoughts suddenly turned from clinical to a more passionate exploration of her body and discovering all the secrets her clothing was hiding from him. With nary a moment's pause, unable to full extinguish the root of his thoughts, he firmly shoved and locked those thoughts and feelings away.

He did not know if their relationship would ever veer towards such a physical act, but for the moment it bore no consequence; he had simply been taken aback as Time Lords and Gallifreyans both had long ago lost the ability to reproduce naturally and with it, the urge for sex and most physical lust and desires had disappeared. Rose had always been able to evoke sensations in him he had not anticipated – and found himself unprepared for, every time – and he was not unfamiliar even with strong desire for her, but this was the first time it had been so overwhelming, dousing all his senses in hormones for a second before he counteracted it. His control around her after this long was on very thin ice and he knew he'd have to be very, very careful he didn't push the boundaries of their relationship too far, especially after so long apart. It would take another few minutes before his system would be fully purged of the hormones.

"You're still you," she simply said, shrugging slightly and, ripped out of his reverie, he couldn't help himself, lips twitching upwards.

"I'm still me," he confirmed and allowed his own grin to widen into a full smile, watching as she did the same, eyes still glistening with tears as she threw her arms around him, hugging him.

He breathed out in relief at the familiar weight, the comforting feeling of her arms around him, her scent – a mix of vanilla, Rose, salty tears and, curiously enough, time – surrounding him and he allowed his eyes to close for a moment.

When he opened them again he untangled himself from her – not fully, just slightly enough so he could look into her eyes. Keeping his other companions in mind, he lowered his voice so only she could hear him, gaining a husky quality he noted with slight embarrassment, "**still my Arkytior?**"

Her amber eyes softened, the darkness in them receding as her left hand – the one not entwined with his – gently stroked his cheek.

"**Forever**," she promised, never hesitating, never pausing – she never did. No matter what happened, what he did, there was one constant in the entire universe. Rose Tyler; forgiving him and offering him all she had, all she was.

Hearts thundering in his ear, his right hand slipped from her back up her neck, entangling gently in her hair, leaning closer, needing – wanting – to feel her lips on his. He knew there were things unsaid, things they had to talk about; but not now, not right this moment. It wasn't fair, but he didn't care. He'd waited, he'd waited so long and he'd already lost her twice – once on Krop Tor and then to another world. Not again. He refused to let another moment pass by without first tasting her once, feeling her lips on his, feeling her love for him and giving her the same in return.

"This alright?" he questioned, his lips separated by barely a millimetre from hers, feeling her every exhale on his own, lips tingling and a yearning starting deep in his chest. And yet he held himself back, needing to ensure this was not just what he wanted, but also what she wanted.

Her lips twitched slightly, her eyes dark not with grief but rather desire, as she responded, "more than alright." He was nervous; he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this nervous. They had kissed before – of sorts, but never both fully aware, fully consenting, fully conscious of every movement, every implication, every touch, every emotion. But she'd given him permission. Angling his head ever so slightly, he leant forward, allowing their lips to finally touch.

Time Lords had more than a passing familiarity with all the complexities of time and a deep, inner awareness of time passing. So he could tell that his lips had barely touched hers for one tenth of a second – not enough time to find out what Rose Tyler tasted like, what she felt like, what she enjoyed or how she kissed. He couldn't even tell if her lips were as soft as he imagined them to be, as they looked, because one tenth of a second was too little time even for a Time Lord.

But unfortunately the Tardis had jerked sideways the moment he'd touched her, his ship's abrupt movements forcefully separating him from Rose, his lips pulled away from hers almost the moment they met – not far, just a step away – and then the Tardis went dark and silent. He bit back a groan – brought about not by the attack on his ship but rather born out of sheer frustration at the realisation that the moment had passed, that the real world, the universe, once again had to take precedence, before he locked the emotion away, concentrating on figuring out what had happened instead.

Sending Rose a quick apologetic glance, he fiddled with the Tardis, running around the console in what he suspected was a futile attempt to elicit a response from his ship.

"They've got us," he confirmed aloud, "power's gone... Some kind of chronon loop."

The moment he said those words, the entire Tardis jerked sideways yet again, unsettling her passenger's fragile balances. He held onto the console and secured Donna at his left, noting that Jack had managed to grab a banister and Rose's hands were both firmly on the console as well. A small relief – at least his companions were alright, though he feared they were now all prisoners of the Daleks. Grimacing, he gave Rose another cautious glance.

The price the universe had demanded for her return was rather steep indeed.

* * *

Ignoring the others, Rose carefully felt along her bond with the Tardis, hoping she could communicate with the ship without having to lower her mental barriers.

'_Can I help?'_ she asked carefully, wondering if maybe she could channel power or assist in any other way.

The Tardis' response was kind but no less firm. Rose couldn't help; the ship still had power, just locked a second out of time so she had no defences or help to offer her passengers other than analysis. And it was necessary, a requirement for a fixed point they were rapidly approaching, so any interference on Rose's part could potentially have drastic consequences – such as the destruction of the universe.

The blonde cursed silently for a moment, wishing she could look at the time vortex to figure out what she could and couldn't do, what this fixed point was, but she knew it would involve her being aglow with its power; something she could ill afford in front of the Doctor and the Daleks. And while she could look at people's timelines, she'd never done it in front of a Time Lord before and she wasn't certain if he wouldn't be able to tell what she was doing; something that she had no time to explain.

They were being dragged through space to the Dalek ship, she suspected, but at least the jerking movements had stopped and the Tardis was stable in flight. The moment the ship had stabilised, Jack's arms slipped around her.

"Hello again, Rose."

Her body had tensed initially, a knee-jerk reaction, almost intuitive by now to the intrusion in her personal space she had become so unused to. Then, realising it was one of her oldest – quite literally – friends, she relaxed, turning around in his arms to reciprocate the affection.

"Hey Jack. I've missed you."

"Of course you did," he merely said in return, as if anything else was unthinkable. Rose giggled lightly at the captain's arrogance.

"You know, Doctor, you can hug me too. No need to glare at poor Rose," he added, looking over her shoulder where her Doctor was undoubtedly giving Jack another one of his 'hands off the blonde' glares. Her giggles changed to full-out laughter and she heard Donna laughing beside her as well. It was nice, being surrounded by friends again, the irreverent jokes that were so common place between them even in the face of impending doom, the hugs and casual touches, their affections expressed so easily with words and contact.

She was back with him and somehow, he'd save them all. He might not save everyone – maybe not even her – but he'd save her world, the other planets and every other universe out there. Because he was not a warrior, not a Doctor, he was _her_ Doctor. Stepping out of Jack's embrace, she stepped closer to the Time Lord, needing the ability to reach out and touch him even if he was now fully concentrating on the problem at hand.

Jack behind her grew serious as well. "There's a massive Dalek ship at the centre of the planets. They're calling it the Crucible. Guess that's our destination."

"You said these planets were like an engine," Donna said, "but what for?"

Her breath stuttered for a second when the Doctor turned to her instead of the redhead, his full focus on her in a way that never failed to make her heart skip, brown eyes intent.

"Rose, you've been in a parallel world. That world's running ahead of this universe. You've seen the future. What was it?"

And she remembered it, only too vividly.

"It's the darkness," she finally managed to say, unsure how to continue when Donna came to her help.

"The stars were going out."

Rose nodded, confirming the redhead's statement. She couldn't tell him a lot of things as they all related back to her, in one way or another, but at least she could give him this. "One by one. We looked up at the sky and they were just dying. Basically, we've been building this travel machine, this... this dimension cannon, so I could... Well, so I could-"

Unusually flustered under his firm gaze, no trace of joking or stopping the emotional moment before it could occur, before she could bare her feelings to him as he usually did, she watched as her Doctor never flinched, scrutinising her intently as he asked, almost daring her to confess her heart's desire, "what?"

"So I could come back," she admitted, trying to suppress a blush but knowing he'd be able to read her embarrassment – and read the emotion behind it, undoubtedly, with ease. As expected, his lips twitched into a teasing grin and she couldn't help but respond in kind, tongue poking out the corner of her lips for a second.

And, to her surprise, she watched as his focus went and his eyes narrowed in on her tongue. When focused on a problem it was usually to the exclusivity of everything else. Her Doctor would remain unaware of pretty much everything – and everyone – around him; once she'd seen one of the women at a party they'd attended in the 1920's 'casually' unbutton more and more of her top and he'd still remained blissfully unaware, all his focus on solving the problem at hand.

Which was why it was such a surprise when now she'd been able to distract him without even intending to and for such a mild thing; for a moment she couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if she were to unbutton her top – not that her top had buttons, but she was genuinely curious to see if he'd notice or if he would have been as unaware of her action as that poor woman at the party who had every man staring; every man but him.

Feeling flushed and warm beneath his gaze, an expression she didn't know how to interpret on his face, she rolled her eyes, hoping it would cover up her real feelings as she told him, "shut up."

The Doctor chuckled lowly and her heartbeat started racing at the husky quality to his voice. Then his hand found hers, intertwined with it almost as if he'd never done anything else and she smiled softly, calming herself down, realising that there was a much bigger problem at hand they had to solve.

"Anyway, suddenly, it started to work and the dimensions started to collapse. Not just in our world, not just in yours, but the whole of reality. Something is destroying everything."

"In that parallel world," Donna prodded her, "you said something about me."

Turning to face the redhead, Rose nodded slightly.

"Yeah. The... The dimension cannon could measure timelines," a blatant lie; the dimension cannon had no such functionality – it was her ability but revealing that would start a much bigger discussion with the Time Lord which there was no time for, "and it's weird, Donna, but they all seemed to converge on you."

Her Doctor's eyes were calculating as the redhead floundered, looking confused.

"But why me? I mean, what have I ever done? I'm a temp from Chiswick."

Before Rose could tell her that she wouldn't be here if the Doctor didn't think she was brilliant and just how amazing she'd been in that other world, the Tardis scanner beeped, interrupting them and warning them of their impending arrival.

"The Dalek Crucible," the Doctor announced, voice dark and foreboding, "all aboard."

* * *

"We'll have to go out," he found himself saying, eyes dark as he looked at his companions, "because if we don't, they'll get in."

"You told me nothing could get through those doors."

He could see his blonde companion was starting to understand just in how big a bind they'd found themselves in and even Jack spoke up, looking as surprised as she did. "You've got extrapolator shielding."

Wincing, the Doctor reminded himself that his companions didn't realise that for all the enemies they'd encountered – and even the Daleks they'd met – they had never seen why they were the most feared creatures in the universe, why even Time Lords had feared them, had sought to erase them before they ever came to existence. Unlike most his enemies, the Daleks were highly intelligent and in their desire to conquer the entire universe, they had picked him out as its defender – and in turn, all their weapons, all their defences, all their ideas had one core idea at its heart. To defeat the Time Lords and, above all, him and his Tardis. They'd had many a ploy to render the defences of the Time Lords Tardis' null and void, but even he had to admit, that this was one of the unfortunate ones which stood a very good chance of succeeding where the previous ones had failed.

"Last time," he found himself explaining, his hand tightening its grip on Rose subconsciously before he forced himself to ease his hold and continue, "we fought the Daleks, they were scavengers and hybrids, and mad. But this is a fully-fledged Dalek Empire, at the height of its power. Experts at fighting Tardises, they can do anything. Right now," he said darkly, "that wooden door is just wood."

"What about your dimension jump?" Jack queried, turning to Rose and he found his hearts beating faster. If at least she'd be able to escape, he'd count that as a victory; a small one, but a victory no less. He'd figure this out without having to worry about her, too.

"It needs another twenty minutes. And anyway, I'm not leaving," her eyebrows were raised, an unspoken challenge and he could feel his lips threatening to turn up into a smile despite the situation; of course not. Rose had squashed his burgeoning hope and yet he couldn't help but also feel relieved that, even if the worst came to be, she'd be at his side, holding his hand – he hated himself for it, for feeling relieved that she remained at his side though it would put her in danger, could end in her death and yet a part of him didn't want to relinquish her, not yet, not so soon.

Though it was a moot point anyway. Even if her transport had worked, he had long since come to expect not only the impossible from her, but he'd also learned to accept one thing; no matter what, no matter who was in her way, Rose Tyler would always – always – find her way back to him. And if she had to fight every single step along the way, she'd do it. She'd looked into the heart of the Tardis because she refused to leave him behind. He should not have expected any less from her now.

He hoped she understood how much her actions meant to him, even if he had neither the time nor the words to express his feelings. Squeezing her hand slightly, he allowed his grip on hers to loosen, sliding his palm against hers, enjoying the pleasant tingle rushing up his nerves despite the situation, before his fingers slid in between hers, intertwining, and his thumb caressed hers in a silent display of affection and gratitude for her refusal to leave him behind.

"What about your teleport?" he questioned Jack, though he suspected he knew the answer already.

"Went down with the power loss," the captain confirmed, shaking his head slightly and he just nodded in acceptance.

"Right then," he gave them all a dark smile, wishing he had a way of protecting them from what was to come. "All of us. Together. ... Donna?"

The redhead was staring off into nothingness, completely unaware. Frowning slightly he stepped closer to her, wondering if she was thinking of her family or if this was about something else he was unaware of? Her eyes were blank as if she'd drifted off while standing which was somewhat worrying.

"Donna?" he asked again and this time she blinked, head snapping around to look at him.

"Yeah," she gave him a wan smile and he grimaced, knowing that this was not what she'd imagined – she'd wanted adventure, different lives, different cultures; not certain death.

"I'm sorry," he apologised, eyes hooded as he watched her, Rose's hand lending him her silent support. "There's nothing else we can do."

To his surprise, he could see his blonde companion flinching slightly in his peripheral vision at his words and for a moment he wondered if maybe her dimension cannon did work but then he shook himself; of course not. Rose would have long since offered the use of it to others even if she didn't want to. Curious, though, her reaction.

"No, I know," Donna said sadly, grabbing his attention again and he gave her an encouraging smile.

"Surrender, Doctor, and face your Dalek masters," came the metallic instruction from just outside the Tardis doors and he felt his hatred and anger rise up in him. Dalek masters? Oh, no matter what happened to him, that was definitely something they never were and never would be. They had some guts to call themselves his masters; so far he'd always somehow managed to beat them back. He didn't know how he'd manage to do it this time but hope had not yet deserted him, not fully.

A cold smirk formed on his lips when one of the Daleks announced that the Crucible had been placed on maximum alert. Despite their words, it seemed he still instilled these creatures which reputedly held no emotion with fear.

"Daleks," Rose said behind him, her voice trembling and immediately his attentions returned to his companions, burying his latent feelings. They didn't need to know, didn't need to see all the ugly emotions these creatures brought forth in him.

"Oh God," Jack chimed in, looking just as afraid as the others, undoubtedly remembering the last time he'd faced them – and died, fighting them and yet still determined to face whatever may come.

Jack, loyal, brilliant Captain Jack; humorous, self-sacrificing, charming Jack. It had been a long time and yet he remembered the times they'd worked on the Tardis together vividly, companionably bantering back and forth – the joy in having someone else to talk about possible repairs and improvements with, even if it had only been for a short time. And as the Face of Boe, still Jack had been the very best he'd always looked for in companions, had been out there, saving people with his dying breath.

And Donna – brilliant, self-effacing, vivacious, loud-mouthed Donna. She kept challenging him, kept seeing what he had refused to see once Rose was no longer at his side; the good in people. She fought, she was loyal and stood at his side, helping him, making him laugh. She was, truly and utterly, fantastic.

And Rose... Well, she was rather simple. Rose Tyler was his _everything._

And she was here. Looking at the three humans, he felt a genuine smile pulling at his lips as he stared at them, feeling proud of this one indomitable race in the universe that accompanied him on so many of his travel, the race his granddaughter Susan had brought so much closer to his heart and he could see all she had always seen in them, reflecting in each of the people in front of him.

"It's been good though, hasn't it? All of us. All of it. Everything we did..."

He could see Jack smiling back, a sparkle in his eyes and Donna's reluctant smile was only a second behind and he half-expected her to call him a great big space Dumbo again – lucky she'd never seen his previous incarnation or he'd never get rid of the nickname Dumbo – but she merely looked amused. And, finally, Rose – her amber eyes were shining and her lips had curled into a wide grin, her tongue poking out at the corners, teasing him, undoubtedly thinking of the many adventures – and occasional misadventures – they'd had. Suffused in warmth, a rush of affection surging through him for each and everyone of them, he smiled widely, his throat clogged with emotion and regret.

"You," he addressed Donna, making sure to keep eye-contact with her, "were brilliant." Then, turning to Jack, he repeated, "and you were brilliant." His eyes sought out amber ones, throat tightening when the emotions in her eyes eclipsed anything else he'd ever seen, the love she'd proclaimed for him shining through and he barely held himself back from finishing what he'd started earlier, knowing that now was not the time. "And you," he told the beautiful blonde in front of him, "were brilliant."

He stared once again at all three of them before releasing a deep sigh, feeling the anxiousness and danger rush back up, knowing that he'd pushed his luck far enough already with the Daleks.

"Blimey," he said under his breath, his hand still in Rose's as he turned to the Tardis door. Time to face the music.

* * *

It had all happened so fast. One moment they had been in the Tardis, then she, the Doctor and Jack were outside, surrounded by Daleks and Donna locked inside. Rose had complied, had watched, silently – mainly because the Doctor always had a plan and because of the fixed point – but enough was enough.

As soon as the Dalek had declared the Tardis would be deposited in the Crucible's core, made of Z-neutrino energy, she'd reached out. Rose knew that she could easily call the Tardis back, no matter what. There was a bond between them and pulling the ship towards her should be relatively easy feat; she hadn't done it before, but she was well aware of what she ought to be capable of.

Closing her eyes, ignoring her Doctor and the Daleks surrounding them, she reached for her friend. The Tardis was still chrono-locked but Rose could smash through that with brute force if need be and, thanks to the Medusa Cascade close by, the one thing she really wasn't lacking, was power. Her left hand clenched automatically as she sought out the vortex with her mind; she didn't tap into it, not yet, just made sure she knew how to easily reach for its strongest point so that she could do whatever she needed to do.

The Tardis hummed warningly in her mind, but she refused to obey the silent instruction. Two of her friends would die if she remained still; it didn't matter who found out what powers she had. Rose wouldn't be able to face her Doctor or herself if she allowed the Tardis and Donna both to perish when she had the power to save them. She'd hardly met the redhead but she was already attached to the woman and the Tardis had become family to her, a home, and there was no way she would hesitate, would allow her own fears to overcome her need to save them and watch her friends perish simply because her courage had faltered when they needed her most; too often she'd hesitated, had acted too late, when every precious second could mean someone's life. But not now, not theirs, not his. She refused to; and if she didn't have the strength or the courage herself, she only needed to look at Jack and her Doctor to find her strength again. No more.

Brows furrowed, splitting her concentration in searching for both the power and the Tardis, it was easy for the ship to disrupt her thoughts.

'_Your destruction and Donna's death,' _she argued with the ship,_ 'can't be a fixed point. I won't allow it.'_

Her hand tightened around the Doctor's, trying to draw strength from him while she fought the Tardis. The ship's response was tinged with amusement as it told her that it wasn't their destruction that was the fixed point, but rather it was their survival and that the manner of survival was vital; it had been leaking back through time already and if she interfered and changed _how_ they survived, she would destroy not only them but the universe, too.

Hands clenching tightly, a mute protest to her continued inability to aid her friends in need, Rose finally acquiesced to the Tardis, knowing it had a much broader view of the timelines and what was required and that her 'help' could very well spell the ruin for all of them. Useless, she chastised herself, sending a hard glare at the red Dalek.

"The female and the Tardis will perish together," it intoned, focused on the Doctor rather than her, "observe. The last child of Gallifrey is powerless."

Weaving her fingers through her Doctors, she squeezed slightly, telling him silently that she would lend him her strength and support, no matter what. Her heart went out for him, knowing that he was unaware of the Tardis' survival, that her bond extended far beyond even his to the ship, and that he had to believe they both were being annihilated.

"Please," the Doctor pleaded, his eyes torn between the Daleks and the image of his Tardis burning, "I'm begging you. I'll do anything! Put me in her place."

Rose's heart sank at his words, though she understood his sentiment. He would always attempt to sacrifice himself for his companions, thinking – hoping – that he would figure a way out where they couldn't.

"You can do anything to me," he continued, unaware of the pain he was causing her with his words. She couldn't tell him what she knew but leaving him to suffer was heartless and cold, every word, every plea a stab to her heart. He was pleading with the Daleks, his worst enemy, knowing how futile an action it was and still he begged, offering himself though she knew it was no bargaining chip. The Daleks thought they had them, either way.

"I don't care, just get her out of there!"

"You are connected to the Tardis," the red Dalek announced, a note of unholy glee swinging in its voice, of cold, harsh cruelty and her hand around the Doctor's tightened, trying to give him support as his enemy was intent on destroying him, "now feel it die."

* * *

He couldn't believe it. All these centuries and finally the Daleks would destroy her. The last time ship, the last Tardis, in every dimension. A relic of a time long since gone; just like him.

And, in some respect, that was okay – well not okay, never okay, but bearable in some way. Because as much as it would hurt, his Tardis having been the only one to see and remember Time Lords, to remember Susan and Gallifrey and all the fantastic adventures they had experienced over the years, having been his one constant companion through everything, Donna's loss would hurt more. Because Donna had been under his protection, Donna had helped him when he hadn't known how to help himself; Donna had been his companion, one of the people he was meant to keep safe. And he hadn't.

She'd die. She'd burn; a few agonising seconds before her body would either be swallowed by the flames or she'd be mercifully unconscious before the true horror of the situation had time to dawn on her.

They were taunting him now. "Total Tardis destruction in ten rels. Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one."

His heart broke as his ship was finally fully swallowed by the flames, wishing he could reach out, could have comforted her – either of them – during their last moments at least, but he knew he couldn't open himself like that, couldn't leave himself so vulnerable, not in front of the Daleks. Even with his ship gone, there were still many secrets buried in his brain, weapons and other knowledge that could easily spell the end of the universe for any race other than the Daleks.

Sending a mute apology down their tenuous bond along with his utmost regret, knowing deep within his hearts that it was a devastating failure on his part that he had nothing else to offer to his friend of almost two millennia, he heightened his walls, closing and locking down his mind bit by bit until it was as impenetrable as he had time to make it.

For everyone else it had only been the blink of an eye; he was grateful that at least Rose had remained at his side, though the price for her return was heavy. He had understood something, a long time ago, that if Rose's survival was threatened, unless she stopped him, he would rather see entire worlds burn, than to allow her death. Never had he contemplated losing his Tardis and a dear friend for her, not this way.

His regret, his grief, nearly brought him to his knees were it not for her hand in his; but she reminded him of something. He had lost them and he could grieve their loss; but not now, not here, not in front of the Daleks. So, instead, with no other option, he did what he had learned to do a long time ago. Deep anguish and grief turned into molten rage, his anger at the Daleks eclipsing everything else.

"The Tardis has been destroyed," the red Dalek announced before turning to him. "Now tell me, Doctor. What do you feel? Anger? Sorrow? Despair?"

"Yeah," he allowed, eyes narrowing darkly at the perpetrators, the monsters who had survived, time and again, wondering why, once upon a time, he'd deemed the Time Lords a worse enemy, why, once upon a time, he'd even sought to rescue these very creatures from the weapons created by his kind.

"Then," the red Dalek continued, "if emotions are so important, surely we have enhanced you?"

Unrelenting rage rose up inside him at the Dalek's taunt, tightening around his throat like a noose as the words to express his hatred escaped him and he remained mute, watching the creatures around him.

Jack undoubtedly saw the same thing as Rose did, the hatred, the fury, the darkness and, though he was loathe to admit it, Jack once again proved why he had been not only his companion, but one of his best friends, his loyalty shining through when he stepped out with a small gun and shot the Dalek, even though he knew it would result in his death.

"Yeah? Feel this!"

The Dalek's response was swift and predictable, but no less horrifying for his blonde companion who jumped forwards – not quick enough, luckily, to get killed herself but fast enough to catch their friend's body and hinder his descent towards the ground.

Eyes dark, aware of just how callous his actions would seem to her but unable to bring himself to show enough sympathy towards the immortal as his body would always recover whereas he had already lost two others who would not revive within a few moments.

"Rose, come here," he instructed, his voice cold as he remained several steps from Jack's motionless body, maintaining a tight hold on his anger so as to not slip up and allow the sorrow to swallow him up. Donna and the Tardis. Gone. Irrevocably. Never to return, unlike Jack. "Leave him," he continued, holding his hand out to her.

Her amber eyes shone with tears as she turned to face him and for an instant he even felt a small wave of sympathy; though Rose had made him a fixed point, she didn't remember her work and didn't know that Jack would survive.

"They killed him," she told him, her voice trembling, though she did stand up, her hand finding his and clinging to it as though he was her anchor, her rock, as though he could give her the strength to hold both of them upright. He daren't tell her that he knew not if he could find the strength within himself to lend to her as well, his own already faltering.

"I know," he admitted, voice softening ever so slightly for her benefit as he added, "I'm sorry."

Understanding she shouldn't have swirled in her eyes but both their attentions were diverted by the red Dalek.

"Escort them to the Vault. They are the playthings of Davros now."

* * *

"Activate the holding cells."

A spotlight shone on her Doctor and he reached out with his hand, finding a blue field enclosing him before rapidly retracting, his hand twitching slightly as though he'd been burnt, electricity racing across the barrier. Before Rose had a chance to escape, she, too was enclosed in the holding cell, a blue circular dome around her which burnt to the touch.

"Excellent," Davros intoned, "even when powerless, a Time Lord is best contained."

Eyes hooded and form stiff with barely suppressed anger, the Doctor taunted, "still scared of me, then?"

"It is time we talked, Doctor. After so very long."

Rose watched mutely, as her Doctor surveyed their surroundings, his eyes never leaving Davros, with dark glee and seething hatred he no longer bothered to hide.

"No, no, no, no, no. We're not doing the nostalgia tour. I want to know what's happening right here, right now, because the Supreme Dalek said Vault, yeah? As in dungeon... cellar... prison," a cold grin twisted his lips into an expression she'd never seen before, not on him.

"You're not in charge of the Daleks, are you? They've got you locked away down here in the basement like, what, a servant? Slave? ... Court jester?"

"We have an arrangement," Davros said abruptly but it only fanned the flames of her Doctor's ire.

"No, no, no, no, no. No, I've got the word. You're the Dalek's pet!"

"So very full of fire, is he not?" Davros asked, turning to her for the first time and she blinked slightly in surprise. "And to think you crossed entire universes, striding parallel to parallel to find him again."

All amusement gone, voice low and threatening, her Doctor jumped in. "Leave her alone!"

"She is mine to do as I please," the creator of the Daleks asserted.

Brows furrowed, for the first time she allowed herself to be part of their conversation. "Then why am I still alive?"

"You must be here. It was foretold. Even the Supreme Dalek would not dare to contradict the prophecies of Dalek Caan."

* * *

A reality bomb. Across the entire universe, people and planets reduced to dust and atoms and... nothing. Across every parallel world, every dimension, every creation would meet its end. Rose swallowed hard, her hands shaking. She'd known, had seen the power that broiled just beneath the surface of the Medusa Cascade; it had never occurred to her that there could be something strong enough out there to rip it apart. She wished she could hold him, now, her Doctor. He always seemed to give her strength when she had none of her own.

Rose blinked in surprise when suddenly a screen came up, showing Martha but she didn't like the desperation she could read in her eyes. Surely not...? No one in their right mind would ever think that was an acceptable solution. Not when he was here, her Doctor, not when he would save them; not all of them, maybe, but he would never think this was an acceptable price – and neither did she.

"This message is for the Dalek Crucible. Repeat. Can you hear me?"

"Put me through," her Doctor said, eyes bright with hope which Rose feared Martha would soon extinguish if she really was intent on using that dreaded key.

"It begins as Dalek Caan foretold," Davros said, a cold sneer on his face.

"The Children of Time will gather, and one of them will die," Dalek Caan half-sang, half-spoke and Rose gritted her teeth to stop herself from drawing their attention. Her focus was still on the power of the Medusa Cascade. She wasn't drawing on its power just yet, well aware of the potential disasters, but with every breath she allowed herself that tiny bit closer, that tiny bit more power to run through her so she could take a hold of it and do whatever was needed to aid her Time Lord if needed, without any delays, knowing that they likely couldn't afford them.

"Stop saying that. Put me through!" the Doctor demanded, eyes fixed on his former companion on the screen.

"Doctor!" Martha exclaimed and Rose was mildly grateful that at least the other woman looked guilty about her decision. "I'm sorry, I had to."

"Oh, but the Doctor is powerless. My prisoner." Davros was a fool, Rose privately thought, if he really imagined the Doctor was ever powerless. Even without his ship, he still had her and all his companions fighting for him, helping him. The Doctor was never powerless because he was never truly alone, no matter how much he believed otherwise. "State your intent."

"I've got the Osterhagen Key," Martha announced, voice firm and Rose's stomach sank. "Leave this planet and its people alone or I'll use it."

"Osterhagen what? What's an Osterhagen Key?" Rose blinked in surprise at realising that for once, she knew something the Doctor didn't; well, she knew something worth knowing that he didn't. Though, she guessed even that was debatable. She certainly would rather go back to not knowing what exactly Martha could do to their planet if she used this key.

"There's a chain of twenty five nuclear warheads placed in strategic points beneath the Earth's crust. If I use the key, they detonate and the Earth gets ripped apart," Martha explained, slightly apologetic and yet still believing in her decision. Rose had to admit that, had she not experienced the consequences first hand, if she didn't have such an intimate knowledge of what exactly this would mean for Earth and all of humanity and the rest of the universe, she could understand Martha's decision to an extent. She thought she was saving the rest of the universe even if six billion people died.

Martha didn't understand that humans had travelled the stars, explored and saved entire species – created new species; she didn't understand that without humanity, the universe was a much, much darker and lonelier place.

"What?" the Time Lord exclaimed in surprise and outrage. "Who invented that? Well," he amended, attention momentarily diverted, "someone called Osterhagen, I suppose," though, as his attentions returned to his former companion, the disbelief and indignation was clear in his words. "Martha, are you insane?"

"The Osterhagen Key is to be used if the suffering of the human race is so great, so without hope, that this becomes the final option," Martha justified but Rose couldn't help but agree with her Doctor.

"That's never an option!"

"Don't argue with me, Doctor! Because it's more than that. Now, I reckon the Daleks need these twenty seven planets for something. But what if it becomes twenty six? What happens then? Daleks? Would you risk it?"

Lips twitching into a slight grin, unable to help herself, Rose commented, "she's good."

Trying to blackmail the Daleks; certainly a rather interesting idea and one she could only condone – though she hoped with all her heart that Martha really was only using it as blackmail and had no actual intention of following through.

"Who's that?" Martha suddenly asked and she blinked slightly, suddenly realising that she'd been so used to not being seen or heard, she'd forgotten that Martha could actually hear her.

Suppressing a blush, she quickly introduced herself, "my name's Rose. Rose Tyler."

For a moment she didn't know what to make of Martha's half-whispered surprised exclamation, "oh, my God. He found you."

Then her eyes were inevitably drawn to the Doctor, and Rose raised an eyebrow, teasing him silently though she knew he could read the true emotion that ran beneath it which she dared not express in front of all these people; gratefulness. He had not forgotten her, had told both Martha and Donna about her. He'd kept her alive, rather than hiding her away. Her Doctor's lips curled up slightly on one side, though his eyes remained dark, reassuring her silently, telling her that he wouldn't have had it any other way, that he would never allow her to be forgotten.

Then, in unison, they both turned back, not needing to exchange any words, just in time for a new screen to appear.

* * *

"Captain Jack Harkness, calling all Dalek boys and girls. Are you receiving me?"

For a moment, the Doctor found himself unable to completely stop the quick grin forming on his face after Jack's audacious introduction. Then his eyes scanned the contraption the man was holding and his grin faltered. It couldn't be... it wasn't possible... was it? Was this what he'd done to them? To all these brilliant people? His eyes darkened slightly. Though he was glad to see Jack and Sarah Jane both alive and well – and he really wasn't sure how he felt about Mickey and Jackie both being here – this was not exactly the circumstances he'd imagined for their reunion.

"Don't send in your goons, or I'll set this thing off."

Rose suddenly spoke up at his side, "he's still alive. And... Oh, my god! That's my mum."

He knew they'd joked once that Jackie would fight a werewolf barehanded – and win – but he'd never actually ever imagined her here; they'd always done their best to keep the true dangers from Rose's mother though she'd indicated more than once that she knew it was a lot more dangerous than either of them had ever told her. He definitely never imagined her coming from a parallel world to a spaceship full of Daleks. And he certainly didn't want to be responsible if anything happened to her; and unfortunately he knew very well that Rose had inherited her speak-first-think-later approach from her mother, as well as her bluntness. Neither of which usually carried over well with Daleks.

Focusing on the group again, he queried angrily, wondering what had possessed Mickey to let Jackie come with him and what the Captain's intention were with regards to what he suspected was a rather dangerous weapon in his hand, "Mickey, Captain, what are you doing?"

"I've got a Warp Star wired into the mainframe," Jack said, confirming his fears. "I break this shell, the entire Crucible goes up."

First Martha and now Jack. What had he done? What were they doing? Was this what he had taught them?

"You can't! Where did you get a Warp Star?"

His hearts fell when Sarah Jane stepped forward. Brilliant, wonderful Sarah Jane. The Reporter, not the Destroyer. And yet, here she was.

"From me," she spoke quickly as if trying to justify their actions, "we had no choice. We saw what happened to the prisoners."

"Impossible," Davros exclaimed behind her, "that face! After all these years..."

Her voice started off as a whisper, but he could see the fury growing in her, the same fire he remembered from so many incarnations ago, shining through.

"Davros. It's been quite a while. Sarah Jane Smith. Remember?"

"Oh, this is meant to be," Davros spoke with quiet glee echoing in his raspy voice. "The circle of Time is closing. You were there on Skaro at the very beginning of my creation."

"And I've learnt how to fight since then," the older woman rebutted, and the Doctor found his anger choking him. So that's what he'd done. Made them into fighters, like his daughter had been. _"You're such a warrior,"_ – well, she wasn't wrong. But worse than that, it seemed he turned everyone around him in one, too.

"You let the Doctor go, or this Warp Star, it gets opened. I'll do it. Don't imagine I wouldn't," threatened Jack, certainty in his voice and even the Doctor couldn't doubt him. For the sake of the world, the Captain would sacrifice himself and all the other companions and yet all they demanded in return was him. At least, he tried to console him, they were still using it as blackmail, as a last resort than just taking action. And Rose was still with him. She wasn't a warrior. He hadn't turned her, hadn't made her into a fighter... or had he?

"Now that's what I call a ransom," his blonde companion said, amusement in her voice and his hearts sank. Even Rose, his wonderful Rose, seemed to condone their actions. First Martha's, and now Jack's and Sarah Jane's. He swallowed hard, trying to suppress the anger, the self-hatred and his loathing for the creatures around him that had forced all his companions to even consider these drastic actions – and for forcing him to see what he'd done to them, how much he'd changed them.

When he'd first met Martha, she'd been a Doctor, Jack had been a conman, intent on harming no one, Sarah Jane a reporter and Rose a shop assistant. And now they were suggesting genocide. Look at what he'd turned them into, what he had done to them. Was that what happened? He'd regretted the ones he'd lost and left behind and the ones who'd left him, but he'd never imagined this, not in his wildest dreams. His hearts ached and the darkness, the abyss deep inside him, became all-encompassing.

"Doctor?" Rose asked and he could hear the uncertainty in her voice, knew she would see more than anyone else about what he was feeling, but he could not stop himself, could no longer suppress the turbulent mix of emotions rising up inside him, taking control.

"And the prophecy unfolds," Davros said, unholy glee swinging in his voice at his defeat. Even if they couldn't understand it, he knew that the Daleks had once again managed to weaken him, to deal him a decisive blow.

"The Doctor's soul is revealed," Dalek Caan spoke up, laughing maniacally, "see him. See the heart of him!"

He knew all his companions were now looking at him, but he couldn't stop himself, couldn't suppress the loathing, the seething hatred, the anger and revulsion at their actions, at his own insistence of having companions, at turning normal humans into this – murderers, willing to kill their own kin and erase an entire race.

"The man who abhors violence, never carrying a gun," Davros said and he found himself unable to look at them, to look at all the people who were so very different from what he remembered. "But this is the truth, Doctor. You take ordinary people and you fashion them into weapons. Behold your Children of Time transformed into murderers. I made the Daleks, Doctor. You made this."

* * *

"They're trying to help," he defended, lifting his head and facing Davros, though she knew it was weak and his hearts weren't behind it; he wasn't raging at the insult and that, more than anything, told Rose that he, at least, believed Davros' spiteful words were the truth. What, she wondered, would he think when he finally found out the truth about her?

But now was not the time. Now, he needed her, needed them, their unconditional support. She dearly hoped he would come to understand, given time, that they were not warriors, not fighters, that they all just wanted a better world, a better universe, and that they were doing their very best to turn the world into that place; even if their methods might not always be condoned by him, she hoped he would come to understand, that he had no fault in their decisions, the choices they'd made.

Concerned, she looked at him, only half-listening as Davros spoke up again.

"Already I have seen them sacrificed today for their beloved Doctor. The Earth woman who fell opening the Subwave Network."

Oh no – she'd forgotten about that! Shooting a quick glance at Sarah Jane, Rose swallowed, knowing that the news should not come from the heartless creator of the Daleks, at least. Later on, when they were safe, she could explain to him that it wasn't true. Now she'd put Sarah Jane, Luke and Harriet in too much danger if she told him in front of the Daleks.

"Who was that?" her Doctor asked as expected and before anyone else could speak up, she raised her voice, making him turn towards her, conveying as much emotion as she could to the man she loved, hoping he would understand everything she couldn't say. He wasn't responsible. They all loved him. Harriet Jones was alive.

"Harriet Jones. She, err... She gave her life so we could reach you."

"How many more?" Davros interrupted and she felt at a loss the moment her Doctor tore his eyes from hers, knowing that instead of helping, she'd only piled more guilt onto his shoulders. "Just think. How many have died in your name?"

Her heart ached and Rose pressed her hand against the barrier, hoping to reach him though his eyes remained on the enemy. She wasn't sure if he knew he was trembling, his entire body shaking, nostrils flaring, barely containing the flood of emotions, the overwhelming guilt, anger and self-loathing. So many, too many, had perished, she knew, had seen it, both past and future, how many had sacrificed themselves. But he didn't understand; it wasn't his fault.

Her hand was burning – not the flesh-searing actual fire burning sensation, but rather almost electrical. Closing her eyes, ignoring the pain, pushing past it, she concentrated on one memory, intent on broadcasting it. She hadn't done it before, had been too intent on locking herself up so tight, she'd never learned or even attempted to learn, but she hoped it would work. Rose had told it to him once before, when she thought she'd die, and obviously he'd not remembered, had forgotten that all his companions, all the sacrifices they made, were done willingly, knowingly and that it was their choice to make – not his; and therefore not his responsibility.

"_Sorry, I was a bit slow. It's the end, Doctor. But it's not your fault! Remember that, okay? It wasn't your fault! ... And you know what? I wouldn't have missed it for the world." _

She allowed him to see it all, opening herself up to someone for the first time in decades in a much more intimate way than she'd ever dared to imagine she would; her fear, her determination, the panic that had gripped her back then and the hundreds of other feelings which had run through her – none of which were anger at him, blame or even hatred.

When his head swivelled back to her, genuine surprise etched into his features, she knew she'd succeeded though Davros seemed rather upset that she'd managed to rip her Doctor out of the hell he'd created for him. Absently she noticed that Jack's eyebrows had both risen which inevitably meant that, apparently, she'd broadcast very strongly to anyone with any telepathic capabilities within range; definitely not something she wanted to repeat, ever again. Rose shuddered slightly, remembering the disconcerting feeling of others seeing memories and feeling, of the invasion of privacy before noticing her hand was still in contact with the field containing her. Ripping her hand away from the barrier she noticed that at least it was only slightly burnt, angry red welts running across it. Well, that might not have been the cleverest action, injuring herself.

"The Doctor," Davros continued, making the Time Lord turn back to him, though she could tell that his shoulders were just a little bit less tense, his eyes fractionally less dark and she hoped that it had been enough. "The man who keeps running, never looking back because he dare not. Out of shame. This is my final victory, Doctor. I have shown you... yourself."

"Enough," the red Dalek interrupted. "Engage defence zero five."

"It's the Crucible or the Earth," Martha said again, holding the Osterhagen key in her hands openly for everyone to see.

"Transmat engaged."

Suddenly both groups vanished in a flash of light before reappearing in the vault, in front of them.

"Don't move!" Her Doctor shouted out, his hand touching his forcefield and she watched as the dome around him lit up. "All of you. Stay still!"

"Guard them! On your knees, all of you. Surrender!" Davros commanded and to their surprise, the Doctor agreed, eyes steadfast as he looked at all of them.

"Do as he says," he instructed and to Rose's surprise, her mother was the first to trust the Doctor's advice, sinking to her knees, hands behind her head. Her mum, who now had Tony – she wasn't meant to be anywhere near here, wasn't meant to travel back to their home dimension. Jackie had suggested it once, but Rose thought she had come to see just how bad an idea that would be. Apparently, her mother didn't agree. She only hoped that Jackie wouldn't tell the Doctor anything before she'd had a chance to open up to him.

"Mum," she whispered quickly, "I told you not to!"

"Yeah, well, I couldn't leave you," Jackie said simply and Rose found her eyes watering. She'd had a lot of issues with her mother over the years, had fought and argued and yet this once again brought her every action into clarity. Her mother was human; sometimes, she didn't make the right choices, spoke too rashly, but at her heart, she loved Rose. And this time she'd chosen to leave her family behind, Pete and Tony, for her, to make sure her daughter was safe, to make sure she was happy. Her heart ached with familial love for her mother and she dearly wished she could finally hug her again, could feel the embrace that, as a child, had felt like the safest place in the world.

For a moment her attentions were diverted when Mickey remained standing, frown on his face until she glared at him and he, teeth still gritted, under silent protest, finally sank to his knees.

"The final prophecy is in place. The Doctor and his children, all gathered as witnesses. Supreme Dalek, the time has come, now! Detonate the Reality bomb!" shouted Davros and Rose's heart stopped, her head swivelling to her Doctor, despite knowing he was trapped.

"Activate planetary alignment field," the red Dalek intoned. "Universal Reality detonation in two hundred rels."

"You can't, Davros, just listen to me! Just stop!" There was an edge of desperation swinging in his voice and Rose swallowed hard. Not much time. She could still stop it. But the Tardis had said...? Except, there was no time left. Closing her eyes, she relaxed her body, reminding herself that she had to give this her utmost focus if she didn't want to accidentally kill herself or half the universe because of a mishap. Time was fragile and using it to unravel and change timelines was a foolhardy endeavour; one she'd done before, of course, multiple times in fact, but not one she relished and one that could have disastrous consequences should she make a mistake.

Davros started laughing maniacally. "Nothing can stop the detonation. Nothing and no one!"

She'd almost succeeding in tuning him – and everyone else – out, when she heard the most beautiful sound in the universe. Her eyes snapped open and she released her hold on the vortex, knowing that whatever was happening, she was glad she hadn't had time to interfere. The Tardis was returning.

"But that's..." Her Doctor started, stunned, staring at the empty space the noise was echoing from. Around him, his companions slowly got to their feet and Rose was heartened to see the hope blossoming in everyone's eyes even as she sent out her own silent greeting to her friend.

"Impossible," Davros spat out, though even he turned around to face the Tardis who was now fully materialising.

Rose found she was staring, agape, at the figure appearing from within the Tardis, standing in its doorway, his figure achingly familiar. What the...? Eyes narrowed she shot another look at the man beside her before looking at the other one ahead. How could this be? Two Doctors?

"Brilliant," Jack breathed, his eyes equally wide as hers and her lips twitched automatically at what she thought was probably a half-though innuendo; most things coming from Jack were.

Sending a silent inquiry to the Tardis, she was surprised to find the ship confirming that they were both the Doctor, of sorts; though the Tardis refused to explain what exactly of sorts meant. Then the Time Lord dressed in blue ran across the vault, towards Davros, a new contraption – undoubtedly of his own making – in his hand.

"DON'T!" her Doctor yelled, but it was too late; just as he was a few feet in front of him, Davros sent a bolt of electricity at the man running, hitting him square in the chest and sending him backwards, the machinery landing on the floor. Rose winced sympathetically, her hand shaking slightly at even seeing the electricity and well aware of what pain he was going through.

"Activate holding cell."

At Davros' words, another blue dome formed around the Doctor just as he was getting up again. That wasn't good. Two Doctors and both trapped. She wondered for a moment if it wasn't maybe a future version of him, before dismissing the thought quickly. The how's and wherefore's could be figured out later.

Suddenly another person exited the Tardis at a dead run; Donna. Her hands closed around the gizmo on the floor.

"Doctor! I've got it. But I don't know what to do!"

Before either of the Doctors could give her instruction, Davros sent another bolt towards her, launching her backwards and in that moment, Rose felt something snap into place in the timelines and her eyes widened.

"Donna! Donna! Are you all right, Donna?" Her Doctor yelled, but Rose couldn't help but stare at the huddled form, trying to make sense of what she'd just felt come to pass.

"Destroy the weapon," Davros ordered and one of the Daleks obeyed. "I was wrong about your warriors, Doctor," he continued, "they are pathetic!"

Something had happened – with Donna. A fixed point – and it had something to do with the two Doctors. Frowning, Rose looked at the Time Lord beside her, querying, "how come there are two of you?"

He only sent her a quick glance, his focus on Davros who was advancing on him. "Human biological metacrisis. Never mind that. Now we've got no way of stopping the Reality Bomb."

"Detonation in twenty rels. Nineteen..."

"Stand witness, Time Lord. Stand witness, humans," Davros said, pulling up another screen to show the planets and allowing them to see their impending destruction. "Your strategies have failed, your weapons are useless, and, oh, the end of the universe has come."

Panicked, Rose reached for the Tardis but the old girl assured her that she was not to do anything – that someone else would. Biting her lip, trusting that the ship would know better, she stood back and watched as everything unravelled in front of her, heart racing with adrenaline and panic, hoping that she was right to trust the eleven-dimensional being.

"Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one..."

A loud beeping noise, an alarm, suddenly echoed the moment the screen had disappeared and Rose released the breath she'd been holding, relief and happiness spreading through her, realising that of course the Tardis had been right. The ship hummed in amusement at the fact that Rose had ever doubted the veracity or accuracy of her statements.

Everyone looked around the room, puzzled, including both Doctors, but Rose's eyes were fixed on where she'd last seen Donna disappear to. Her Doctor's incarnation was not as time sensitive as some of his earlier ones, which was presumably why he had yet to notice the fixed point.

"And closing all Z-neutrino relay loops using an internalised synchronous back-feed reversal loop. That button there." With flourish, the redhead flipped the switch and Rose chuckled slightly at Donna's exuberance and both her Doctor's flabbergasted expressions.

"System in shutdown," one of the Daleks announced.

"Detonation negative," said another and Rose found herself whipping slightly on her feet, a habit she'd subconsciously picked up from her Doctor as she grinned happily at the redhead. There would be consequences, of that there was no doubt, but she could figure out a way together with the Tardis, she was sure. Or her Doctor would. Donna would live. For right now, she'd just enjoy having two of her Doctors in the room with someone who was cleverer than them; and who wasn't afraid to tease them about it.

"Explain! Explain! Explain!"

"Donna, you can't even change a plug," her Doctor, the one in the brown suit, said, still looking stunned and taken aback at Donna's obviously correct explanation.

"Do you want to bet, Time Boy?"

Humming in slight amusement – and earning her a quick reprimanding glare from her Doctor – she grinned at the redhead's reply. Oh, she really was brilliant. Clicking her tongue slightly, mischief alight in her eyes, Rose resolved to lean back and watch as, for once, someone else saved the Doctor – both Doctors.

"You'll suffer for this," Davros warned.

Tilting her head slightly in a challenge, Donna quickly lifted one of the levers and Davros received an electrical charge before he ever had the chance to attack her.

Rose's grin widened at the clear taunt in Donna's voice and the redhead's high spirits. "Ooh, bio-electric dampening field with a retrograde field arc inversion."

"Exterminate her!" Davros ordered and Rose's smile fell, fearing for the redhead's life if these creatures were to attack her; though she calmed, somewhat, noticing that the other woman wasn't worried but rather quickly pressing several buttons as the voices of several Daleks echoed threateningly around her, lips half-curved up in a smirk.

"Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!"

Confident, almost arrogantly, the redhead simply raised her eyebrows as slowly all the Dalek's weapons were under her control and Daleks powerless. "Oh," Rose found herself whispering, "she's _good_."

Her words went unnoticed as, at the same time, one of the Daleks exclaimed, "weapons non-functional!"

"Macrotransmission of a K-filter wavelength blocking Dalek weaponry in a self-replicating energy blindfold matrix."

"How did you work that out? You're..." Her Doctor was actually speechless and Rose grinned as the other Doctor had cottoned on and finished the sentence.

"Time Lord, part Time Lord."

"Part human," Donna agreed, wide smile on her face. "Oh, yes. That was a two-way biological metacrisis. Half Doctor, half Donna."

That seemed to spark a memory in her Doctor and not for the first time, Rose wished she knew every single adventure he'd ever been on, knew the details of all of his lives, had shared in everything that took place in his long life.

"The Doctor Donna," he called her, his voice far away as he recalled something, eyes wide as he stared at his redheaded companion. "Just like the Ood said, remember? They saw it coming. The Doctor Donna."

A gentle smile curved Donna's lips before she tapped another few buttons.

"Holding cells deactivated. Unseal the Vault," she said, before looking at both Time Lords and shaking her head. "Well, don't just stand there, you skinny boys in suits! Get to work!"

Rose watched, amused, as both Doctor's sprinted to do her bidding, exchanging a quick glance with Jack who was also grinning at the picture of the Doctor _receiving_ order for once and, what was more, complying with them.

"Stop them!" Davros shouted. "Get them away from the controls!"

"Aaand spin," Donna said and Rose stared, amazed, as the Daleks started to actually spin, helplessly, on the spot, unable to interfere.

"Help me! Help me!" One of the Daleks shouted and she couldn't help but wonder just how much better a place the universe would be – with both the Doctor and Donna in it. Or would that be both Doctors and the Doctor Donna? Brilliant. Part Time Lord, part human. Perfect mix from what Rose could tell.

Jack had his arms around Martha, both laughing as they watched the dreaded, nigh unstoppable race, rotate on the spot, completely helpless and under the redhead's control.

"And the other way," Donna said and Rose laughed, watching as the Daleks unwillingly obeyed, incapable of regaining control, spinning the other way around now. To her amusement, both Doctors were still flabbergasted, watching the Daleks before turning to Donna, looking perplexed.

"What did you do?" Her Doctor – in the brown suit – finally asked.

"A trip stitch circuit breaker in the psychokinetic threshold manipulator!"

"But that's brilliant!" her new Doctor exclaimed, a wide grin spread across his face while her Doctor in the brown suit looked, frowning, at the metacrisis, before asking, "why did we never think of that?"

"Because you two were just Time Lords, you Dumbos," Donna said and Rose watched as both Doctor's slowly started to grin at the insult, eyes sparkling and her heart eased at seeing them all in such high spirits, "lacking that little bit of human, that gut instinct that comes hand in hand with Planet Earth. I can think of ideas you two couldn't dream of in a million years. Ah, the universe has been waiting for me," she added with a bright grin and Rose couldn't help but agree.

"Now, let's send that trip stitch all over the ship. Did I ever tell you, best temp in Chiswick? Hundred words per minute."

"Ha!" the metacrisis exclaimed, laughing at his brilliant companion and Rose's smile turned soft. Things were well under control and both her Doctors were happy.

She turned to her mother and engulfed her in a hug, though she'd noticed Jackie paling and jerking backward – only to be surprised when nothing happened. "Not a problem in this universe," she explained under her breath and heard her mother break into relieved laughter, her arms closing around her. Barely a moment later, Mickey turned it into a three-way hug, his arms going around her stomach from the back and Rose laughed, tears shimmering in the corner of her eyes.

"I missed you," she admitted, leaning her head back onto Mickey's shoulders, eliciting a wide grin from him.

"Missed you too," he said, his arms tightening around her. For a moment, she indulged in having the warmth and love radiating from her mother and childhood friend, relishing in the hugs and the touch she'd sorely missed. But when she noticed Jack running past her into the Tardis, she forced herself to step out of their embrace and focus on what was happening, though her arm remained around her mum's shoulders.

"Come on then, boys," Donna said, grinning. "We've got twenty seven planets to send home. Activate Magnetron."

"Stop this at once!" Davros yelled, futilely, as at that moment Jack exited the Tardis, his gun and her dimension cannon in his arms. Mickey took the dimension cannon from him, just as the Dalek's creator spoke up once more.

"You will desist!"

He pointed her cannon at Davros at point blank range. "Just stay where you are, mister."

"Out of the way!" Jack pushed one of the spinning Daleks down a side corridor.

Grinning widely and seeing an equally wide grin on Sarah Jane's face, they both mutely agreed on a Dalek, forcefully pushing it out of the way, enjoying the chance to take even the smallest bit of revenge on the creatures which had bothered them both for such a long time.

"Good to see you again," the reporter said, obviously glad to find her alive after their last – rather short – conversation.

"Oh, you too," Rose agreed, smiling widely. She missed the other woman; it would have been brilliant to have her with them on their travels, though she understood that she had her own adventures to embark on now – and just how much it hurt to be left behind and how hard it would've been to find her footing in the real world again, a world where running away was not always an option.

"Ready? And reverse!" Donna said and both Doctors immediately started pulling out rods, watching as planet after planet disappeared back to its original point in time and space.

"Off you go, Clom," her Doctor said.

"Back home, Adipose III," the metacrisis said and Rose's lips twitched, amused, noticing Sarah Jane was also looking between both Doctors with an eyeroll and a smile on her face.

"Shallacatop, Pyrovillia and the Lost Moon of Poosh, sorted!" Donna grinned cockily – well deserved in Rose's opinion – and she watched as her Doctor looked up, lips curled up in a half-smile, eyes glinting before focusing back on the panel in front of him. "Ha!" Donna cried out only to be echoed by the metacrisis.

"We need more power!" her Doctor said and Rose finally stepped forward, well aware of her mum following her and Mickey's enquiring looks.

"Is anyone going to tell us what's going on?" she asked but it wasn't her Doctor who responded, rather it was the redhead. Her Doctor was concentrating on sonicing something in his hands and Jack was focusing either on the Time Lord's hands – something she could understand only too well – or the cables he was fiddling with.

"He poured all his regeneration energy into his spare hand. I touched the hand, and he grew out of that but that fed back into me. But, it just stayed dormant in my head till the synapses got that little extra spark, kicking them into life. Thank you, Davros! Part human, part Time Lord. And I got the best bit of the Doctor." Well used to operating with her Doctor, Rose always tried to keep an eye on him – or them, as it was – and so she noticed how he raised both his eyebrows teasingly at Donna's comment and only barely suppressed a smirk. The best bit, eh?

"I got his mind," the redhead finished with a gentle smile.

"So there's three of you?" Sarah Jane asked and her Doctor, screwdriver in his mouth, looked up, both hands still handling the cables.

"Three Doctors?" she found herself asking, tone teasing, noticing the echoing grin on both Doctor's faces.

"I can't tell you what I'm thinking right now." Jack commented almost casually and she choked back a laugh, realising that, knowing the Captain, he was well beyond thinking and onto imagining.

Rose grinned as both Doctors obviously resolved to ignore Jack's comment though she couldn't help but wink cheekily at the Captain, offering him her silent approval and he chuckled in return.

"You're so unique the timelines were converging on you. Human being with a Time Lord brain," the Doctor explained to Donna in a hushed tone.

"But you promised me, Dalek Caan." Mickey allowed Davros to turn to face the other Dalek, his cannon still unerringly pointed at the creator's head, following his movement. "Why did you not foresee this?"

Dalek Caan laughed and she couldn't help but shiver slightly at the insanity so clear in its voice.

"Oh, I think he did. Something's been manipulating the timelines for ages, getting Donna Noble to the right place at the right time," her Doctor jumped in, eyes fixed on the Dalek-like creature Caan had become.

"This would always have happened," Dalek Caan contradicted, "I only helped, Doctor."

"You betrayed the Daleks," Davros reaffirmed, half in question, sounding incredulous, and Rose understood, at least partly. He had built them to obey, to think Daleks were superior to the exclusion of everything else – and that no one else should exist in the universe; betrayal should have been impossible.

"I saw the Daleks," Caan corrected, "what we have done, throughout time and space... I saw the truth of us, Creator, and I decreed, no more!"

Rose couldn't help herself – her eyes flitted, automatically, to the Doctor, remembering him saying those very words to her, a long time ago, but he didn't flinch. His eyes were still fixed on Dalek Caan, shining with what she'd almost call sympathy, obviously understanding better than anyone just what he'd seen the Dalek had seen in his own race and how it would have felt, being forced to deceive them.

"Heads up!" Jack suddenly yelled, loading his gun and Rose whirled around to find the red Dalek slowly floating down to them. Quickly, she forced her mother behind her with one hand, hoping to protect her in case Donna was unable to control this new version of the Daleks as easily as the other ones.

"Davros, you have betrayed us!"

"It was Dalek Caan," Davros defended but the red Dalek ignored him.

"The Vault will be purged. You will all be exterminated!"

Rose had barely managed to take a step into his direction, but luckily her Doctor had managed to launch himself out of the way and the Dalek's attack hit the control panel instead.

Both Doctors were safe, at least for the moment. She had no weapon to hand though and there was little that could penetrate a Dalek's armor. Rose quickly remembered that they had only two weapons really and Mickey needed his unless they wanted Davros to cause chaos. Which left-

"Like I was saying – feel this!" Jack shouted and his gun blew through the defensive casing and destroyed the red Dalek. Relieved, allowing her tense shoulders to relax again, she watched as both Doctors were looking at the control panel annoyed – always at the last hurdle. Rose grimaced slightly at the smoke rising from the Dalek's attack, knowing without looking that it would be rather difficult to repair.

"Oh, we've lost the Magnatron! And there's only one planet left," her Doctor exclaimed before his words turned into half-exasperated, half-desperate growl. "Oh, guess which one! ... But we can use the Tardis!" He ripped the glasses of his face and started running for the ship and Rose found herself following him.

He was circling the console while she leaned against corals by the door, stroking the Tardis softly and apologising for not having greeted her old friend the first time she stepped back aboard. When she looked up, she noticed her Doctor had paused, his eyes on her, soft and warm, smiling tenderly at her until her heart raced and she flushed, unable to tear her eyes off him. He didn't say a word; he didn't need to. Few ever took the time to appreciate his ship and anytime she did, he would always look at her with an expression she could never quite decipher but which still spoke of undisguised admiration and appreciation and never failed to make her blush.

"Holding Earth stability," he finally said, shaking his head and flipping a switch, before turning to the next panel. "Maintaining atmospheric shell."

Suddenly the Tardis shook and explosions could be heard outside. Rose blanched, feeling hundreds and thousands of timelines around her disappear, almost simultaneously. Her hands shook and she was only able to watch as her Doctor ran outside, unable to follow him as her feet were rooted to the spot, heart aching, frozen in silent anguish.

"What have you done?" She heard him ask, his voice ending in a desperate, angry shout and her heart broke as she understood what had happened. She'd stood in front of him, once, had stopped him. This time, Rose had followed this man, her Doctor, and had forgotten about the newly born one. She should've been there, should've stood in his way, made him pause; but she hadn't.

"Fulfilling the prophecy," her metacrisis-Doctor merely said and she only barely suppressed her tears, closing her eyes, forcing her breathing to even out. It had happened, it had been done. She could not change that now, but she could help him – help them – work through it.

* * *

"Do you know what you've done? Now get in the Tardis!" He wasn't merely angry; he was furious, watching as the metacrisis ran past him. Everything he'd done, all the work, all his intentions – his metacrisis should have the same knowledge, the same understanding. How could he just commit genocide without blinking an eye? Again! After all he'd lost, all he'd done to atone for it? Did he not remember all the nightmares, the screams, the pain? Did he not remember his mind screaming, his hearts aching? How could he – any version of him – ever forget that?

"Everyone!" he shouted, waving to all his companions who were attempting, in vain, to cover their heads from the falling debris, to get into the Tardis. "All of you, inside! Run!"

Barely a moment later one companion disobeyed him – as usual – and her hand slipped in his, Rose's amber eyes searching out around them, watching as the others ran past them inside the safe haven the ship provided for them.

"In! In! In! In!"

Rose saw him just a moment before he did, half-running across the room and he could only barely suppress a half-choked scream when a beam fell down in front of her, just between her and Davros, his hearts racing as for one panicked, grief-stricken moment he'd thought it would hit her. He wasn't sure if he was glad or not; he didn't want her to deal with Davros – it was his burden to bear and he dreaded to think what the creator of the Daleks would do to someone he obviously felt so much for and yet they could save him, they could save someone, at least; just one though. Like in Pompeii when Donna had begged him. Just one.

"Davros?" he found himself shouting across the room, taking a few hesitant steps as the ground beneath his feet shook and trembled. His hearts were in his throat, watching as a far too analytical glint appeared in Rose's eyes, undoubtedly calculating her chances of getting through the fire and barrier and saving Davros. Cursing quietly, he continued, hoping to coax Davros to make his own way instead of risking her. "Come with me. I promise I can save you."

He could see Rose stepping back, getting ready to jump and he leapt forward, his hand fastening securely around her wrist, stopping her from risking herself for his mistakes.

"Never forget, Doctor, you did this!" Davros shouted, anger and pain in his voice, "I name you, forever! You are the Destroyer of the Worlds!" He winced slightly, watching as the flames obscured his view fully and Davros screamed before it got cut off, abruptly, meaning now the Dalek's Creator was dead as well.

"One will still die," Dalek Caan intoned from the other side of the room. Swallowing heavily, he pulled Rose back and though she resisted at first, after only a step she whirled around, her hand in his and her step even with his. Both burst into the Tardis together, his companions and the metacrisis gathered in a circle around the console.

"And off we go!" he shouted, running and flipping the switch to dematerialise the Tardis just moments before the entire Crucible exploded.

The ship shook and with hooded eyes he watched as his metacrisis smiled at Sarah Jane who responded in kind. Rose's hand in his reminded him that, once again, now was not the time to deal with this new version of himself. He'd do that later, much later. An idea was forming in the back of his mind though he refused to look at it closer, his hearts aggrieved at even the merest hint of it.

"But what about the Earth? It's stuck in the wrong part of space," Sarah Jane reminded him and he nodded curtly.

"I'm on it," he assured her before building a transmission to the Captain's workplace. "Torchwood Hub, this is the Doctor. Are you receiving me?"

"Loud and clear," the same woman from last time confirmed on the screen before looking around him. "Is Jack there?"

Mockingly, lips curled up in a half-smile, he said, "can't get rid of him," to her before turning fully to the Captain, "Jack, what's her name?"

Jack was grinning broadly, introducing them, "Gwen Cooper."

Rose, next to him, had her brows furrowed, elbowed him quickly and mouthed 'Is that...' and he shrugged slightly, turning back to the screen, remembering now why she seemed so familiar.

"Tell me, Gwen Cooper, are you from an old Cardiff family?"

"Yes," she confirmed, "all the way back to the eighteen hundreds."

Grinning widely at being proven right once more, he turned to his blonde companion. "Ah, thought so. Spatial genetic multiplicity."

"Oh, yeah," she confirmed with a wide grin and he took a moment to turn his attentions back to the screen, momentarily transfixed.

He loved the way they'd gotten right back to being in each other's space the moment they were together – her head was mere inches from his, her foot next to his, her hip touching his and her shoulder brushing up against him in lieu of holding hands. His every breath was laced with an addictive and unique aroma he'd long since ascribed to Rose, and her warmth easily penetrated even through his suit, delicious heat spreading out from wherever she touched him.

Clearing his throat, he focused back on the screen, "yeah, it's a funny old world. Now, Torchwood, I want you to open up that Rift Manipulator. Send all the power to me."

"Doing it now, sir," Ianto confirmed on screen.

"What's that for?" Donna asked and he explained quickly.

"It's a tow rope. Now then. Sarah, what was your son's name?"

"Luke. He's called Luke. And the computer's called Mister Smith!" Sarah Jane quickly added and he nodded in quiet thanks before focusing back on the control panel.

"Calling Luke and Mister Smith. This is the Doctor. Come on, Luke, shake a leg."

He grinned widely when the boy's first question was about his mother. "Oh," he reassured him, "she's fine and dandy. Now, Mister Smith, I want you to harness the Rift power and loop it around the Tardis. You got that?"

"I regret I will need remote access to Tardis base code numerals."

The Doctor winced, frowning slightly; he'd forgotten about that. "Oh, blimey, that's going to take a while."

Suddenly Sarah Jane jumped into action, "no, no, no. Let me," she said, forcing herself between him and Rose to speak directly into the screen. "K9, out you come!"

"Affirmative, Mistress," the tiny robotic voice echoed through the Tardis and he could no longer contain his smile.

"Oh, good dog!" he praised exaggeratedly before remembering what K9 needed to do. "K9, give Mister Smith the base code."

"Master. Tardis base code now being transferred."

"Now then, you lot." He quickly guided Sarah Jane back to her original spot, indicating one of the levers. "Sarah, hold that down." Continuing his circuit, he showed another lever to Rickey. "Mickey, you hold that. Because you know why this Tardis always is always rattling about the place?" He said, addressing them all, passing by the metacrisis, knowing he'd already know which one to hold. It was surprisingly hard to swallow down his jealous when he noticed the metacrisis and Rose were touching hands and, okay, yes, so maybe he'd overdone it when he'd leaned over Rose's shoulder, his head separated by only a few centimetres from hers as his entire left side moulded itself to her back and only the presence of his other companions – and her mother – reminded him not to give in to the temptation her the stretch of bare skin along her neck provided him with. His skin fairly hummed at the contact, a pleasant tingle of electricity racing across it, every part of him hyper-aware of the woman in front. Knowing just how little time they had, he stepped sideways, his hand on Rose's waist gliding over the small of her back in a lingering caress as he showed her the lever – though her hands were already fastened around it, and his lips quirked up in a smile, allowing himself another half a second before moving on. "Rose? That, there... It's designed to have six pilots, and I have to do it single handed. Martha, keep that level. But not any more. Jack, there you go. Steady that. Now we can fly this thing."

He grinned at them before realising he'd left one out; Jackie Tyler, Rose's mum. Her very slap-happy and not technologically minded mother whom he was definitely not letting anywhere near any of the delicate instruments. "No, Jackie. No, no. Not you. Don't touch anything. Just... stand back." He noticed Mickey giving her a helpless shrug and hoped he hadn't just earned himself another slap or – possibly worse – food tasting.

"Like it's meant to be flown. We've got the Torchwood Rift looped around the Tardis by Mister Smith, and we're going to fly Planet Earth back home. Right then. Off we go."

Amused, he watched as Donna and his metacrisis circled the console, keeping a careful eye on everyone and, finally, he allowed most of his focus to go to his blonde companion at his side. He still didn't know how she'd done it – shared that memory with him. She shouldn't have been capable of that, and though he'd learned a long time ago, that nothing was impossible with Rose Tyler, she still managed to surprise him, time and again. He wanted – wished – desperately, he could find out more, could find out everything; all that happened, all her thoughts, could find out if maybe he could talk to her, if maybe she could fill the void in his head, share herself with him in the most intimate way possible – something he had never actually dreamt was possible and yet he found out now, that she may actually be able to share her mind with him. He craved it, wanted it, wanted her, wanted that golden light in his mind. Subconsciously he reached out, his hand covering hers as it lay on the console, allowing her heat, the sensation of her hand, the information of her body that automatically flooded his system the moment he made skin contact, to soothe away some of his desires until it became bearable again.

Rose Tyler. His metacrisis gave him a knowing look and he knew precisely what he was doing – and that with everyone else, he trusted the Tardis scans and filters to alert him to any changes or dangers for his companions, but not so with her. Everytime they touched – everytime they made skin contact – he automatically catalogued all the information this body could garner from her, monitoring and analysing her health, her happiness in any way he could. Temperature – slightly elevated but to be expected considering the strain of today and the exposure to fire. Still rather large amounts of adrenaline in her system – again, nothing unusual and something he often found after their adventures. What he was slightly worried about was the levels of Enkephalin in her system; Enkephalin regulated pain so judging by the levels in her system, she had received an injury at some point. The levels were relatively low so it wasn't a severe one, but still something he had to take care of as soon as they landed. Orexin levels – normal for Rose post-adventure. Elevated Oxytocin levels which had spiked again the moment he touched her – he barely managed to hide his smirk before she had a chance to notice.

Rose turned to him immediately the moment he touched her, head tilted at a slight angle, a happy, mischievous smile curling at her lips as she looked at him, her amber eyes warm and sparkling with emotions and it eased his hearts. He had missed everything about her – but especially this, the way she'd always turn towards him, unfailingly, the way she offered him her everything without ever saying a word, her faith in him uncontested no matter what happened, no matter what he – any version of him – had done. Only Rose could ever quench the yearning, the longing he had never experienced before, not with anyone else, and only she could quieten the turmoil broiling deep inside him until she was all there was, until she'd drowned out the entire world and the universe at large, until it was just the two of them, until he could feel like he wasn't the Doctor but rather just another man and all his senses were focused on the woman he loved to the exclusivity of everything else, until she was all he could see, all he could feel, all he could smell and all he could taste. He loved her, wanted her, wanted to forget, to drink in her presence, wanted to drown in her unconditional love, her unquestioning, unfailing forgiveness. Rose gave him something no one else ever could; she was his haven, his sanctuary, his home and he didn't know how he'd ever survived even a second without her by his side.

But then he ripped his eyes from her to double-check the location, ignoring the snort of laughter from Rose beside him at his silent acknowledgement, that okay, yes, maybe he didn't always land where he intended to, before releasing the planet – safely back where it should be.

Earth was back in the right solar system and where it belonged. Looking up, he watched as his crew – because he had a crew now! – broke out into loud cheers and clapping, celebrating their success before falling into hugs and loud laughter filled the halls of the Tardis.

* * *

I do apologise for the fact that we've still not quite finished the episode; in my defence, I was at 19k already and accepts no chapters longer than 20k. So there you go. But the next bits will be fun and involve all the characters – Martha, Jack, Sarah Jane, Jackie, Mickey, both Doctors, the Tardis! Yay, fun times coming up – finally, for me at least. Oh, and I hope you all enjoyed the kinda-almost-sorta kiss!?

I'd love to hear from all you guys again. In dire need of some encouragement after this chapter! Also lost a writing competition to someone who writes Mills and Boons novels; very disappointing :(

Everyone – **Please Review** – be it criticism, likes, dislikes, expectations, hopes, encouragement, anything at all and everything is very much appreciated. You guys help shape this story.

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**Responses to reviews below:**

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**DoctorMadhatter **

Hi! Thank you very much for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed it! This chapter is ready to go and I'm working on the next one! I hope you will continue reading – I'd love to hear from you again after this chapter.

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**mariontyler**

Hey! Thank you so much for the review. Ironically enough, you are actually (or have seen, dependant on how patient you are) the reunion through the Doctor's eyes as well now. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I promise the next one will be more enjoyable – heartbreaking, angst, fluff, romance, humor, everything I can think of and have been yearning to write!

Thanks for all the compliments (and the accuracy comment *blush*). I'd love to hear what you think of the Doc's perspective on the reunion!

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**TechiePandah**

Hi! That was very sweet of you and I'm incredibly flattered to hear you say that – both about never having loved a fanfiction as much as this one, considering just how many are out there and the petition. That is really, really sweet. Unfortunately, I don't think I'd be a very good script writer. I hinge everything on emotions and thoughts rather than actual words spoken. Script writers really have my admiration; I couldn't do it, I don't think. But I really, really appreciate the compliments and the sentiment. I'm unspeakably happy to hear you say you think there's no OOC-ness. That's immensely flattering. Thank you! Feel free to PM me just to chat. I always love to chat! Big thank you. I do hope you enjoy this chapter as well – I promise the next one will have a lot more scenes and all characters involved! I'd love to hear what you think of this chapter. Reviews are a great encouragement for me :)

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**Tykhe-Nemesis **

Oh wow, thank you for the extensive flattery. I'm glad you like my Rose. While I enjoy the occasional Mary Sue aka perfect being, I think it makes it harder to relate to her. I enjoyed and still enjoy crafting a deeper character for these people and evolving them slowly through experience. I'm very happy to see you say this has become your favourite story! Thank you! I do hope you enjoy this chapter as well. And thanks for all the compliments! I would really love to hear what you think of my latest chapter! Reviews are fabulous motivation!

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**BUCKYBARNESGIRL2016**

Thank you for your review. I'm unsure if you're past chapter two – if you are, I do hope you enjoyed the rest of the story and I'd love to hear whayt you think of the latest chapter!

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**IamEcho **

Thank you for your review. I'm uncertain if you've read past chapter one – if you have great! I'd love to hear what you think of the rest, especially this latest chapter! Hope to hear from you again!

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**Bad Wolf Jen **

Hiya! Thank you very much for your review. As you can see, very little changes – the whole Donna reality happened which means, inevitably, that the timelines were still converging on Donna. Anyway, I do hope you enjoyed this rewrite and I'd love to hear from you again!

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**Seralina **

*blush* Oh, thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed the story and that you're in love with it! Afraid I cannot answer your question about Tentoo or 2005; all will be revealed in a chapter or two. I do hope you'll enjoy what I write never mind the direction it leads into. You made me laugh and blush so much with your comment – I'm glad you accept it as canon; I agree, definitely what should have happened! I'm glad you thought they were beautifully written and thanks again for all the flatter and encouragement! It is very much appreciated and really helped me find inspiration to finish this rewrite!

I promise the next chapter will be much, much faster. I'm glad that this is your new favourite fanfiction – and intensely flattered – and I do hope you'll continue leaving me reviews as encouragement :) I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I promise the next one will be more emotive, lots of scenes between all characters!

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**Tiggrchic982 **

Wow, thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed the rewrite. I hope this one doesn't fail everyone's expectations. Very flattered by all the compliments, thanks again. I'm sorry I kept you awake for so long, but am I allowed to say that I'm also very pleased that it was riveting enough you felt unable to put it down until 1 a.m.? Thank you again, I always love having new readers and reviewers and it's really nice to hear that you enjoyed it. I would love to hear from you again! It's brilliant motivation for me! Let me know what you think – criticism, likes, dislikes, any and all of it!

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**greeneyesCutie **

Hey! Thank you so much for all your comments at the end of all the chapters. It was really sweet of you to keep reviewing as you went along! Thank you.

I can see your point with regards to the healing processes; it was kinda badly phrased. He doesn't so much need to decide what to forgive – there is very little to forgive and, well, it's Rose. Let's be honest, she's been forgiven for anything and everything before she ever started confessing.

It's more a bit where he needs to find out his own boundaries and morals; he has staunchly been against certain things but he'd forgive Rose for them but not himself which simply makes no sense. On top of that he'll end up having to tell her pretty much exactly what she always told him; that it's not his fault, that he can't be held responsible – and can't hold himself responsible – for everything and anyone. So when he ends up helping her, he ends up having to confront himself as well in a lot of ways. Sorry, I do hope that explanation makes a lot more sense. And of course, his support and love for her is always unconditional, but he will have to realise that too, in some ways. Just like he has to learn that he would actually let worlds burn if it meant Rose was alive; it's not moral, it's not good – but she's _Rose_. So there you go. And yeah, forgiveness is, as I said, definitely a given – but it means forgiving himself as well which is a lot harder. Oh, he'll definitely jump at it, but right now he has no idea of the depth of her pain, of what she's been through; right now he thinks it's only their separation weighing on her. Once it gets to where he finds out, believe you me, he'll definitely be there for her. He wouldn't be the Doctor otherwise, would he? Anyway, I do hope these explanations have soothed you a bit and I promise I won't suddenly turn the Doctor into a completely OOC-Valeyard kinda person on Rose. He'll be lovely as ever with her. I hope you still got to enjoy this chapter and the next chapter should be more intimate scenes between all the friends – humor, romance, friendship, pain, grief, all of it. I hope. Depends on how long it turns – might be two chapters, but nevertheless, the non-canon stuff is finally coming before we return to canon. I would love to receive another review from you; feel free to debate or argue anything with me – it often helps me find plotholes or mistakes before they can occur. I'd love to hear from you.

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**AppleGrass15 **

Hiya! Well, you probably won't be glad to know that this chapter ended before the episode did; in my defense, it had some of the previous chapter from the Doctor's POV? Well, nevertheless, I do hope you enjoyed this chapter and are as excited about the next one as I am! I would love to hear from you! Every review is motivation to write faster!

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**cecilehem **

Hiya! You are very welcome – thank you for reviewing every time; I really appreciate it and look forward to your comments.

Re-River

You are, unfortunately, making a vital mistake in your assumption that the Doctor remembers 2005 goodbye. For him, it hasn't happened yet; only Rose remembers, because for her it has already happened! But your assumption is really sweet! That he could live with her being with another him as long as it meant she was alive *awww*.

Oh dear, I didn't realise me saying I don't enjoy writing them sucks the fun out of it for you. That was never my intention. In that case – it's the greatest pleasure on earth, being allowed to rewrite these episodes! Afraid Harriet currently has no planned recurrence, I just realised that Rose would save her if she could and so I couldn't really _not_ save her. But if you have any ideas or anything you'd like incorporated, let me know.

Happy times definitely coming up! I'm so excited I finally get to write all the sweet, fluffy moments I've been yearning to for two weeks now. My poor beta probably had it coming out of her ears with me telling her what I'd rather write other than this episode rewrite *lol* Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy the next chapter. I'll work on it, pronto, promise. And I am afraid I cannot comment on any bloody beaches :( The next chapter will definitely have more fluff. This one I built only one in – that near-almost-kinda kiss. I do hope you enjoyed that, even if it was incredibly short. There will definitely be 10/Rose time. Anything else would be cruel, extremely cruel.

Jack was, unfortunately, rather underused. I just went by the episode pretty much. Jack will definitely be in the next chapter and he'll come up again in the future with Rose. Is there anything in specific you're looking for with him? Some Doctor – Jack teasing? Or Rose – Jack friendship moments?

Jackie, I think, really cares for her daughter and loves her but she has two major flaws, in my opinion. She was telling Rose not to be getting airs, like she was never going to be anything better. It's a constant putdown which unfortunately lots of parents are prone to do, I think in an effort to not built either false hope or to not give their children too big a head. Unfortunately it has the effect of undermining their confidence if the person who is meant to support you always tells you that you can't do any better and that you shouldn't aspire to better. Jackie's other flaw, I think, is that she's a bit too friendly rather than motherly with her daughter. With an older daughter that's not a problem, but when they're young and in their teenage years, it makes them grow up too fast, puts too much pressure on them to be on an equal level rather than allowing them to grow at their own pace and be nurtured into slowly appreciating the world around them. I think she cares a lot for Rose, loves her to bits and wants to shelter her, but she doesn't understand just how much harm she could do. I hope that makes more sense – both the above are canon words from Jackie, I just read a lot of similar situations and seen a lot of them, so that's why I think Rose would be affected this way and interpreted more into the casually spoken words; I think the very fact that they were spoke casually and Rose didn't protest against the getting airs is evidence of a frequent tirade. I do hope that clarifies and makes more sense? I don't doubt Jackie's devotion or love for her daughter, just her ability to cope with raising her after losing her husband.

And yes – you got a nice insight – I hope, anyway – into the Doctor's thoughts and feelings before, during and after regeneration.

As always, I would absolutely love to hear from you again! Also, please feel free to PM me anytime to discuss anything about my fanfic. I always enjoy healthy debates!

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**msschaller99 **

New reader! Thank you for reviewing. I do hope you enjoyed the latest chapter and thanks for the flattery :) Please review again and let me know what you think of this chapter!

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**Darkwolfberlin **

Hi! Ich habe eine fanfic fuer dich falls du Herr der Ringe liest; Auf den ersten Apfel. Ich habe sie zum ersten Mal for mehreren Jahren gelesen und wuerde sie dringendst empfehlen! Falls nicht, vergiss alles – und hi!

Vielen Dank fuer das Kompliment. Leider hat dieser Teil doch etwas laenger gebraucht, aber ich hoffe das Kapitel gefaellt dir. Wie du gelesen hast, gibt's eben doch einen menschlichen Doktor und leider eine passive Rose, zumindest groesstenteils. Tut mir echt leid, weiss nicht wie sehr dir das hier alles gefallen hat nun da Donna na eben doch alles wieder gerade gebogen hat. Dein Kommentar mit Sarah Jane hoert sich brilliant an! Schade nur, dass er momentan nicht in meine Kapitelplanung passt *schmoll* Auf Jenny musste leider noch nen bissl warten. Ich hoffe, dir haben zumindest Teile dieses Kapitel gefallen. Fuer mich geht's jetzt wieder lustig weiter! Endlich kann ich wieder die romantischen, lustigen Szenen schreiben die jetzt seit drei Wochen in meinem Kopf kreisen und die ich erst schreiben konnte, sobald das rekapitulieren endlich vorbei war! Im naechsten Kapitel haben wir die ganze Crew! Wuerde mich wie immer ueber einen Kommentar von dir freuen!

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**CupcakeFlake **

Hiya! Thank you for your lovely review! I liked Harriet Jones too; she made a mistake, but nevertheless cool! Hope you liked the Illyria video :) Breath of Life is such a cool video!

I'm very flattered – I admit I went back to my own chapter to the paragraph you mentioned just so I'd know what I was talking about. But yes, I'm very flattered – thank you. I do hope you enjoyed this chapter as well; I would love to hear what you think!

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**SassyFrassKerr **

Yay, thank you for your review. I do hope you're not too stressed out. Did you know stress turns you nails weak and soft and your hair brittle? I found out last week. Don't like that! Anywho, probably not the best forum to discuss this. You're not the first one to suggest it's the metacrisis saying goodbye. For the moment, all I can say is wait and see. I do promise, she will end up with the Doctor at the very end, no matter how long the wait ;) Thanks so much for all the extra flattery! It was really great encouragement when I was stuck with this chapter, so thank you! I would love to hear what you think of this chapter and I promise in advance that the next chapter will have a lot of moments between everyone – friendship, romance, grief, humor – the whole emotional spectrum. Or, at least that's my intention. You never know until I've actually finished writing... Anyway, I would love to hear from you again! Please review!

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**Guest Aka silvay**

Hiya! Thank you so very much for your review! I promise up front that the Valeyard has no part in this story. The next chapter will be more exciting and new stuff, but I do hope you still enjoyed this chapter. I would love to hear what you thought of it – every review is encouragement and motivation to write quicker!

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**XSunshine95X **

*lol* Hey! Thanks for your review. I agree, there's something perversely satisfying about cliffhangers and reading everyone's speculations. I'm always disappointed, though, when they guess correctly. I'm glad you enjoy them; I know I do too, even when reading. There's something about your heart racing the moment you see there's a new chapter and the eager excitement that's kind of addicting! Thank you – I'm flattered to hear you've been reading this story for a while and thanks for all the compliments. I think this chapter didn't have many answers yet and I hope all my new chapters will throw new questions into the woodwork as well as answering old ones! I am actually quite excited about it and I hope you are too! Let me know what you think of this chapter please! I always love reviews!


	14. Facets of Love

Hi everyone,

This chapter took a bit longer. My characterisation of Martha took a deep nosedive in a fit of outrage at her jealousy and, well, suffice to say my beta was kind enough to tell me 'if that's how you want to portray her' and thereby making me feel incredibly guilty for nearly dumping you with what would've been a subpar character and an unfair assessment of her (note to self, reverse psychology works!). So, big thank you to **TheCleverDoctor** for gently bringing me back on track and reviewing everything and to **cecilehem** for sharing with me what you thought of Martha and allowing me to give her some more shape and form.

Anyway, it's also why this took quite a bit longer than it should've. I had to think of entirely new scenes and rewrite quite a bit, but I do hope that you will all come to enjoy the end result.

So a big thank you to all my new reviewers and thanks for the PMs! Feel free to PM me more and review lots :) This chapter is dedicated to my fabulous beta and all my reviewers:

**greeneyesCutie**

**Tiggrchic982**

**cecilehem**

**50penny **

**Eagle Hawke**

**Darkwolfberlin **

**ambertardis22**

**Marcela **

**Kylaia78 **

**Guest ~MA**

**hyperdragon97**

**Seralina **

**TechiePandah**

**SeriamenEthereal **

**Eleanoralovesananias**

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They were all incredibly cheerful and unlike his previous incarnation, he certainly didn't mind the hugs being passed around. The Doctor grinned and finally laughed out loud when Jack insisted on pulling his metacrisis into a hug as well as him. Snorting with laughter, he quickly ducked out from beneath the Captain's arms – leaving his half-human self to suffer under Jack's tender mercies – and engulfed Sarah Jane in a hug instead. A son! Sarah Jane, his Sarah Jane, had a son! Brilliant!

He laughed, tightening his arms around the older woman, celebrating not only the fact that disaster had been – rather narrowly – averted, but also that most of his friends had escaped unscathed.

"My Sarah Jane..." He had barely time to finish the words before his metacrisis took her out of his arms and engulfed her in his own hug.

Well, that would take some getting used to; he'd have to figure something out because he definitely wasn't sharing Rose. Still, refusing to let his good mood be dampened so swiftly, he sought out Donna for a hug instead. The redhead laughed happily but he quickly noticed her eyes were fastened on a man behind him; it only took a moment before he realised she'd set her sights on Jack. Chuckling, he released her and instead quickly drew both Martha and Rose into his arms.

Martha laughed and returned the hug for a moment, before leaving them to find others to share in her joy. Rose remained in his arms and he was aware that his smile had softened imperceptibly. She was here, safe, and all was well, the universe rescued, the price paid. Despite everything that had happened, it had still gone a lot better than he ever could have hoped for, especially considering their enemy had been a Dalek empire at the height of its power, the sole focus of their intelligence the total eradication of all Time Lords and Tardises – and the rest of the universe, of course.

His hand found her cheek, marvelling at the softness beneath his hand and the warmth radiating from her skin for a moment before he sought out her hand, intent on returning to the festivities. They had all the time in the world now. There was no need to rush, no need to prolong every second, thinking it may be his last in her presence. Though he'd quickly come to the conclusion that there would be no adventures until they'd talked; much as he hated it normally, avoided everyone at even the slightest hint that they wanted to discuss emotions, his feelings, he was actually looking forward to it. Grinning widely at his Rose, the woman he loved, his hearts jumped when her entire face lit up, reciprocating his smile. He loved her. Well, he sent a quick glance at his metacrisis, he supposed they both loved her.

He turned away, intent on pulling her with him into another group hug when he heard her suck the air in sharply; hissing the moment his hand had slipped into hers. Even as he turned to face her, having instantly recognised the sounds of his companion in pain, he became aware of the ridges in her palm and on her fingers. With great care, intent on causing her no further harm, he took her wrist, tenderly, and lifted it up before gently unfurling her fingers so he could inspect the damage. He winced when her hand opened up and he saw her palm and fingers covered in angry, raised red welts. Recent, he noticed immediately and then reprimanded himself internally; of course it was recent. She'd held his hand earlier and definitely hadn't been in pain then – and there had only been her usual, soft skin touching his, not this.

"Where did you-" he cut himself off, remembering only to vividly the moment she'd shared her memory with him and recalled her hand pressed against the barrier. Of course; he'd felt it too when he had touched the dome imprisoning them, except he'd been clever enough to retract his hand quickly.

Sighing inaudibly, still in slight disbelief that somehow his blonde companion had managed to injure herself when there had been no need or cause to, he turned to interrupt the festivities.

"Is anyone else hurt? We are on our way to the medbay."

Jack stepped forward automatically, brows furrowed, hand outstretched towards the blonde companion at his side. "Rose...?" he queried, obviously trying to ascertain the degree of her pain and injury.

The Time Lord, well aware that any moment now Jackie could start a tirade, quickly shook his head. "Just a minor scrape," he said, hiding Rose's hand behind him. He had no intention of starting a fight with her mother about injuries Rose may or may not be obtaining with startling frequency on their adventures.

There was a momentary pause where half the room awaited an explosion on Jackie's part – which, luckily, never came and he was not one to question to question ridiculous luck; well, not this time, anyway – and they then quickly confirmed that no one else had sustained any damage.

"Jeopardy-friendly," he muttered to Rose and was rewarded with a quick quirking of her lips as they both left the console room.

"Have fun playing Doctor," Jack teased just as they entered the corridor and he couldn't help but close his eyes, cursing the immortal silently. Sure enough, his metacrisis suddenly needed to follow them to the medbay – because, of course, two Doctors were needed to deal with one hand. Behind them he heard his companions start laughing and Jackie start moaning about her girl and two of him. Rolling his eyes, still very carefully holding Rose's hand to ensure he didn't cause her any further pain, he guided them to the right room, knowing that Donna would likely lead his companions to the kitchen in the meantime and feed them.

"Up," he instructed once they'd arrived in front of the bed he used for his exams, letting Rose go to quickly search for the right instrument while his metacrisis undoubtedly had a look at her hand himself. He was utterly exhausted – he couldn't remember the last time he'd actually slept – and it took him longer than it should have to remember where to look.

"That is not a scrape," the half Time Lord protested obviously the moment he'd seen her hand and he rolled his eyes again, searching through the drawers. He knew the other man was just as concerned about his blonde companion as he was – which was probably his only redeeming characteristic at the moment and also what saved him from a more biting response.

"Have you met Jackie?" he asked only half-sarcastically. He hummed in satisfaction once he'd found the right instrument, quickly returning only to find Rose still standing, staring between the two of them, clearly fascinated.

"He's half-human," he found himself saying with eyes narrowed at the other man, automatically on the defensive, "he's only half as clever as me."

"Oy, watch it!" His metacrisis responded quickly, eyes equally narrowed towards him. He had to admit, it was somewhat disconcerting to have a copy of him – someone who looked, sounded and talked like him; well, like an odd mixture of him and Donna – walking around.

Rose's lips curved upwards into a teasing smile, her tongue poking out between her teeth – something which he knew distracted them both to his frustration; that was his smile! His! The other version of him had no right to see her like that!

"Well, even if he were only half as clever as you that'd still make him incredibly bright."

The Doctor paused for a moment, unsure if he should feel flattered at the compliment or be annoyed at the one towards his metacrisis. Obviously seeing his indecision, Rose giggled and, unerringly, both men turned towards her, both grinning automatically in response to her happiness before glaring at the other for their response.

"So," she interrupted them again, using her good hand to quickly hop on top of the bed, "what's the plan, Doctors?"

Remembering that she was likely in pain, he quickly focused on the task at hand – literally – and gingerly took her wrist to look at the injury again, before explaining his approach to her.

"Right, yes. We're going to check for infection first and then we've got the Derma regenerator. It will probably take a few minutes to heal fully and it might feel a bit uncomfortable or tense like skin stretching, but you should be in no more pain. Actually," he put the tools beside her, glancing up from her hand to inspect her eyes and checking for any obvious signs of pain in her eyes and the lines of her face, "how much pain are you in? Do you want a painkiller?"

"Nah, I'm fine."

He huffed quietly, scanning her again to ascertain she was not lying, well aware that his companion was rather prone to downplaying her pain level if she thought he would feel guilty – or angry. Once he was sure she was actually speaking the truth, he quickly used his sonic to scan her hand, ensuring there were no bacteria to cause an infection before he started healing her.

Taking her by the wrist, he held the regenerator just a few inches above it, ensuring he didn't accidentally touch and aggravate her injury, before changing the setting to human. Wouldn't do to accidentally give her Slitheen skin – Rose would definitely not be happy with him; never mind what Jackie would do to him. Grimacing, triple-checking he had the right setting, he activated the regenerator and then looked up at his companion, realising he'd be standing here for several minutes while she healed.

"So..." he started, at length, looking her over again though this time it was out of curiosity about how she'd changed, rather than a clinical assessment of her injuries or pain. "Since when have you been telepathic?"

His metacrisis' head snapped around to face him. "She's telepathic?"

Oh, but of course. That had happened after his regeneration, so the other him wouldn't know about that. He wondered absently if his metacrisis had any memories of Donna's as well rather than just character traits.

"Yep. She sent me a memory."

"Sent?" His counterpart sounded as surprised as he'd felt when he had felt her light, gentle touch, her golden light filter into his darkened mind and her memory and emotions on display for him. "But how- That's impossible!"

His own lips quirked up, ensuring his hands hadn't moved – one holding her wrist in place and the other for the regenerator – before facing his half-human self.

"Not for Rose Tyler it isn't. We should've learned a long time ago that the use of that word only ever seems to make her more determined to break ever rule. So, Rose Tyler," he turned back towards the blonde who'd watched them both curiously, "how _did_ you do it?"

To his amusement, his companion merely shrugged one-sidedly.

"Dunno," she admitted. "I wanted to remind you – but I couldn't really say it out loud in front of the Daleks; don't think you would've listened anyway. Couldn't speak in your tongue 'cause, well, that's private."

Her cheeks coloured red and once again he couldn't help but admire her. He'd never restrained her, never told her he didn't want others to hear him or her talk in Gallifreyan and yet she had never spoken it in front of others unless he initiated it – and even then only in whispers.

"So that's all I could think of."

"Brilliant!" The metacrisis declared in a hushed whisper though he was undoubtedly still confused about why she didn't think he'd listen to her. Though always reluctant to agree with himself – even if it wasn't quite a different incarnation – he nodded. Few would've even thought of it, never mind being willing to share something so intimate. It was one thing to share words, another thing to share a memory, emotions and all.

"Still doesn't explain how you did it though – or how you even thought of it," he commented, looking at her, wondering why she wouldn't tell him.

"Nothin' to it, really. Told you I travelled, yeah? Saw a lot of parallel worlds, some with more than just Zeppelins in the sky. On some of them I met some telepaths." She offered them both a slightly mischievous grin but he couldn't help but notice the darkness swimming in her eyes, the pain and anger that broiled just beneath the surface and he wondered what had actually happened, what had made her look like, well, him in a way he'd never wanted her to.

"Didn't like havin' them in my head but they did tell me a bit about how to communicate. Never got the chance to – or wanted to – try it till now."

"You succeeded on your first attempt?" his metacrisis sounded incredulous and he couldn't help but echo the sentiment mutely; it had taken him months upon months to perfect.

"Were you intending to only send me the words?" he asked before Rose could respond, curious now, wondering if she even knew what she'd shown him.

The first thing all children on Gallifrey were taught was shielding – your thoughts, your emotions, hiding everything as it would otherwise drive their society insane, hearing everyone else, feeling what they felt, hearing their every thought and impulse. No, before they even learned to speak, they were taught to hide. Consequently, by the time you were taught to share your memories – something only done with family, lovers or the court as it was far too intimate to allow strangers or even friends to partake in – it was beyond difficult. The loss of privacy, the idea of making yourself so vulnerable, opening yourself up like that to anyone, was a difficult concept to grasp.

It had taken him months but many other took years to learn. The idea that Rose had intended to do this and felt comfortable opening herself up to him like that, made his mouth dry and his heart race. He knew she trusted him – had demonstrated that on so many occasions – any yet this was a different kind of trust.

He remembered only to vividly how much she'd rejected the Tardis at first when she'd found out she was in Rose's head, translating the words, how much she'd panicked and how she'd hated the idea. It was one of the many reasons – or excuses – he'd found not to tell her about what telepathy meant to him, how much he craved for her to fill the void in his head – and also the reason why he had felt so ashamed every time he found himself subconsciously reaching out towards her, longing to touch that golden light that hummed at the periphery of his mind at all times.

Except it didn't anymore. Since she'd broken through the walls between the universes, it was still there but it was not the bright shining light it used to be; it was hidden, clouded over, distant but no less vivid, no less familiar to him. It was obvious now though, that she'd learned to erect a wall around her mind to protect her thoughts. He sincerely hoped she'd had more pleasant teachers than he had had.

"Yes and no," she responded with a smirk on her lips and he chuckled lightly at the unspoken challenge, though when he refused to prod her further, she gave in easily, looking at them both, her eyes sparkling with renewed interest.

"Why are you both so curious about this?"

Ah, the crux of the problem. Obviously; Rose was never one to let him get away with vague answers and questions unless the situation demanded it or it was personal. And, unfortunately, neither of those was an argument he could make at the moment since he was the one asking her and there was no danger. But neither could he just jump right into the deep end of the pool and tell her about his desires to share in her mind; she'd run screaming.

"Very few humans are telepathic at all," his metacrisis jumped in before he could.

"What do you mean? I thought with all your previous companions, we all had to have the Tardis in our heads to be able to travel, yeah? I mean how else would we understand all the other languages."

"Different thing," he explained quickly before his metacrisis could. He'd become intimately acquainted with the feeling of jealousy around Rose – always a pretty boy or two following her like lost puppies – but this was different. This was him – another version of him, of sorts, but still him; which meant, unfortunately, that he was actually a serious proposition. Especially if one took the half-human part into consideration. And he really didn't like the way her amber eyes had focussed solely on the other him for their discussion. He'd prove to her that he _was_ the clever one, the original, the best version of himself.

God, this was worse than competing with his previous and future incarnations and he was snarky even then.

"Pretty much every being in the universe is telepathically receptive. But remember Gwyneth? She was the only one who could reach out like that to them. Receiving is completely different to sending." The Time Lord paused for a moment, trying to think of an adequate description before one occurred to him.

"Think of it like a pet – you talk to them and they get part of the message, but they don't respond back. They can't. That's what humans are like – you're all still like children, still learning. By Jack's time you'll be further along and more likely to be able to send thoughts, but in your time it's rare; as in really, really rare."

"Wow," Rose said dryly, her voice slightly mocking though for the life of him he couldn't figure out why. "first pets, then children. We must all seem like silly apes to you, yeah? So... unevolved."

Flabbergasted, he stared at her, unsure how to answer that. Yes, of course they were still incredibly far behind; that didn't mean they were any less exceptional though. Just as he was attempting to figure out how to respond to her, Rose burst into loud laughter, shoulders shaking and her entire body quivering; only his own strength ensured he didn't cause her any accidental damage, his grip on her wrist firm even as he stood there, unsure how to take her sudden laughter.

Nevertheless, his lips quirked up inspite of his confusion, unable to help himself when Rose was so clearly unable to stop despite her attempts to calm herself, head thrown back, laughter bubbling out between her lips, eyes shining brightly as her body shook slightly. She was utterly captivating. He was tongue tied, like a fumbling schoolboy in front of his first crush, unable to do anything but stare at her in helpless fascination, everything else forgotten.

"Sorry," she apologised once she'd managed to quiet herself down to mild giggles, wiping away tears that stood in the corner of her eyes. He couldn't help but notice that she sounded far from apologetic. "You have a way of saying things I'm always torn between feeling outraged and flattered. You often phrase things so they're half-insult, half-compliment and I'm never sure which way to take it."

Time was up, his internal clock reminded him and he busied himself, looking at her fully healed hand. The skin was new and slightly pink, but with the boost to her system he'd given her with the sonic earlier – not that she needed to know that – she'd be fully healed by tomorrow morning with no lasting damage done. Turning off the regenerator, he carelessly placed it aside, knowing the Tardis would place it back to where it belonged.

He knew that the mischievous glint in his eyes and the smirk on his lips had Rose on edge, could see she was cautious of whatever he had planned, but she still ended up being surprised, her eyes wide when he took action, both his hands placed on either side of her on top of the mattress, leaning in slightly until her scent all but surrounded him.

"Trust me," he assured her, his voice low and husky, "it was a compliment." He never faltered, his eyes never leaving her amber ones, intent on absorbing her every reaction. He was flooded with satisfaction when he saw her mouth drop open and her cheeks flood with colour when he gently lifted her hand to his mouth, placing a kiss on the newly grown – and incredibly sensitive – skin, allowing his lips to linger for a moment longer than was strictly necessary before letting her go.

"There, all healed," he declared smugly and to his amusement Rose seemed to take it as a challenge – though, ultimately, it didn't matter. Her attentions were entirely on him, his metacrisis forgotten beside them.

"Oh? Was that your _professional_ assessment then, Doctor?"

"Hey! What are you implying? I'm the epitome of professionalism!"

To his shock, his blonde companion laughed out loud at that suggestion. "You're the epitome of something alright, but professionalism is definitely not it."

"Oy," his metacrisis butted in, "I am always professional!"

He really didn't know how they'd gotten here from conversations of telepathy. That was the thing with Rose Tyler – conversations with her tended to get sidetracked and he'd end up expounding on the virtues of opals over diamonds, the original question long since forgotten. She was clever like that, made others talk – and they always loved to talk to her. His Rose always said just the right things, made just the right noises, made you feel like you were on top of the world and tease you just right to make you want to impress her. It was part of her charm; but not one he was intending to submit to this time.

"I've seen you, Doctor. You can be fascinated, intrigued even, brave, persuading, charming, a little mad and brilliant, but professional you're not. Do you even remember sticking your fingers into jam jars while we were talking to a mother about her possessed child?"

"Well, so maybe not always professional," he allowed, despite his original intention of returning to his question, his pride now well and truly under attack, especially since it was her doubting him. "But I could be, if I wanted to."

Rose laughed again, using both her hands to smoothly jump of the bed and land in between him and his half-human self.

"Who said being unprofessional is bad?" she teased him, amber eyes twinkling with mischief and he chuckled slightly, accepting that once again he'd have to wordlessly acknowledge his defeat at her hands. And when her hand landed on his cheek, softly caressing him, her heat sparking the flame deep inside his chest, burning ever brighter under her warm gaze, he silently admitted to himself that maybe losing every once in a while wasn't so bad. Not with her.

"Explain to me," his metacrisis interrupted them, his eyes dark and forbidding and fixed on him solely, glaring at him over her head, "what you meant by 'yes and no'."

Predictably Rose blinked in surprise for a moment before turning so she could look at them both, her hand seeking out both of theirs he noticed with a slight hint of displeasure.

"Well, I meant that yes, that communication with you was my first attempt and that no, I had intended to send you more than the words. Why, did you not get the full memory?"

His metacrisis looked at him in askance and he found himself shaking his head, looking at the blonde in his arms, intent on ignoring the other man.

"I did. But not just the words you spoke back then, but your emotions too."

The other Doctor hissed as he sucked in a large breath all too fast, obviously understanding just what that meant to him – to both of them – and what he wasn't saying, though Rose just looked faintly concerned.

"Yeah, 'course. If it had just been the words, I could've said them again. Didn't think they'd reach you, though. Davros took advantage of your weak spot; your guilt complex."

She patiently ignored the outraged "Oy!" from the metacrisis who still did not know what had taken place and simply continued, "you wouldn't 've listened, though, I don't think. Your head was too full of pain, of loss and guilt. Didn't know how to get you out but you needed to know that no matter what, none of us blame you if something happens to us. Despite everything, you're still just one man and you're fightin' the entire universe. I would never blame you for anything that happened to me on any of our journeys. It's my risk to take, my choice to make, my life is no one's responsibility but my own. And I think your other companions think so too."

She took a deep breath, her eyes steadfast on him, refusing to give an inch, refusing to show any of the regret, the blame and anger he was looking for, refusing to show him any sign that she was doing anything other than telling the truth until he was forced to bow to her will. Rose honestly and fully believed in what she was saying. She really did not blame him, would not blame him, no matter what happened, despite how often he'd nearly abandoned her or had nearly caused her death.

Rose finally spoke up again, knowing somehow – the same she always seemed to be able to read him – that he had accepted her assertion; though he knew it would never lessen the horror, she did manage to lessen his guilt somewhat, "the only way I could think of was to share my memory with you of that time when van Stetten's Dalek had me cornered and I thought I'd die. I thought that if you could see it from my perspective, could not just hear what I said then but also feel it, know that I truly did not blame you – not then and not now – you'd understand. I thought it would help... did it? Did I... help?"

He didn't understand, couldn't fully comprehend all the connotations to her question, an emotion underlying the question he couldn't decipher, but the answer was still easy and he didn't hesitate, didn't even need to think.

"Yes," he said quickly, his voice soft and warm, his hand automatically tightening around hers in reassurance. "Yes, you did. More than you'll ever know."

Her smile lit up the room and he felt his hearts skip a beat in response, tempting him to taste her as he'd longed to do for such a long time; but, unfortunately, he was well aware that he first needed to sort out the issue with there being two of him. With a regretful sigh, he placed a gentle kiss on her temple, gathering her into his arms for a moment, allowing himself that tiny reprieve before guiding her back to the corridor, wondering quietly why his other self, the metacrisis, was not more interfering. He was jealous, that much was obvious, but he had yet to make a serious attempt to usurp him in Rose's affection and that, while enjoyable while it lasted, was never a good sign.

"I want comfort food," Rose said suddenly just as they left the medbay and it took him a moment to catch up.

"Oh no."

He knew his mistake the moment he'd done it; he'd turned to face her but her lips were drawn into a pout and her amber eyes were pleading with him, big and large and directed solely at him. He stuttered, his breath faltered, and his hearts urged him to give into her.

"C'mmon," his half-human self wheedled and for the first time he found himself grateful for the other's interference, "we could take you to a restaurant where you can see the stars-"

"-or pink waves," he added in, eager to distract her and suggest anything other than that vile concoction she insisted was 'comfort' food. He didn't understand how that disgusting stuff could ever possibly give her comfort – never mind being designated as food at all.

"-at the end of the universe," his metacrisis cajoled – or attempted to, anyway.

"-or on Earth," he suggested, hopefully. Anything was better than _that_.

"-Paris even? Chocolate fountains?"

It was decidedly odd, being on the same side as his half-human self, but needs must, he decided silently.

"Anything, anywhen – even with your _mother_ – just not that... that _stuff_ you insist on eating. It's revolting. I've got quite the refined palate this time around, you know. I could take you anywhere, cook you anything. _Please..._"

And no, he was not above begging. Not when it came to important things like the end of the universe and even less so where his companion's dubious choices with regards to nourishment were concerned.

Still, whereas he found himself only rarely able to deny her at all, his blonde companion was apparently immune to his pleading and his puppy dog eyes – even when there were two of him – and just shook her head, laughing slightly.

"You don't need to eat it, Doctor. It's for me. I need some comfort food."

In that moment he abruptly decided that there was no way he would ever tell her that once or twice – okay, so rarely... well, okay, so occasionally, when Martha and Donna had succumbed to their needs and fallen asleep, he'd cooked that disgusting thing himself; he'd never eaten it – he privately thought it would be a rather sad way to bring about a regeneration – but just the smell had brought him a small measure of comfort, remembering the many occasions he'd sat there, watching her eat it.

"Why not have chips?" he whined finally, attempting one last time to stop her.

He still hadn't quite figured out how to explain why exactly he still had supplies of her comfort food when they both knew it was unlikely anyone else would ever enjoy the same predilection she had for that food and he really, really didn't want to explain that he didn't mind it as much as he protested to; the taste was atrocious, sure, but Rose always cheered up immensely and usually would share stories from before they met.

But all too often for his taste she'd enthral him, seduce him until he wanted to impress her, make him too oblivious to his surroundings so when she offered him a taste, he'd just open his mouth, having forgotten what she was eating and too used to sharing their foods to remember the danger in time. And, well, even if that didn't happen, he thought it might ruin the mood if he asked her to brush her teeth or eat something else before kissing him. Just a tiny bit. Not that they were that far yet, despite what had nearly-almost-sort of taken place earlier.

"Comfort food," she simply replied, her voice firm and he knew he'd lost the battle.

"Comfort food it is," he confirmed sullenly, his shoulders drooping as he led her towards the kitchen like a doomed man headed towards the gallows. And, unfortunately, his Tardis – the traitorous ship that she was – made the walk as short as possible rather than prolonging it as he'd asked. It wasn't fair. He'd spent millennia with her and yet here she was, picking favourites – and it wasn't him, either of him.

* * *

He gritted his teeth, staring at the full Time Lord, wondering if the other him even appreciated just how much the metacrisis had restrained himself, allowing the other man as much time with his Rose as he could without exploding with jealousy. He knew that in the end, Rose was better matched with him; he had her human lifespan, after all, and they could live out their lives in her world. He still didn't know what he thought of a quiet life – especially without his beloved ship – but for Rose, he had found out a long time ago that he could and would do almost anything. But even his restraint had its limits and his jealousy was was rising and he was dangerously close to snapping.

He'd let the other man kiss her hand and her temples, knowing that soon he'd have the rest of his life to spend with their blonde companion, but it still didn't soothe any of the anger inside him. What was even worse, the other him had, from what he could gather, actually been allowed to share in her memory. That she would have shared something so intimate, so personal with the other him, aggravated him immensely. Even worse still, he knew he had more human limitations placed on him; a rather advanced human, yes, but he'd never be able to fully bond with Rose telepathically. That wouldn't have been a problem before today, mainly because he had never truly considered a possibility before, but now... Now everything inside of him ached for it and yet this him was too human to allow him to initiate a full bond.

Still, nothing was ever perfect. He'd learn to live with it – they would. Together. Rose and him for the rest of their lives; and yet the full Time Lord seemed intent on prolonging every second in her presence. The walls between the dimensions were currently still gaping open, but they were diminishing with every passing minutes and he didn't like just how irreverent the other version of him seemed of that fact. Sooner or later, he'd have to confront himself about it.

When they reached the kitchen, loud laughter echoed down the hallways and unwillingly he found himself smiling slightly at how at ease his companions seemed with one another. Despite his gripes when they ganged up on him, he was rather proud of them, each and every single one of them, and he was glad they could see just how brilliant they all were in their own ways.

He was amused to note that, once again, Jack was regaling everyone with a story of how he'd ended up fully naked, running from someone. Scarily enough, most of those stories actually held some validity as he'd found out over several adventures with the other man; he still wasn't quite sure why more often than not Jack was the only one who ever ended up naked, but as the immortal seemed to enjoy rather than be perturbed by the frequency of his indecent exposures across several galaxies, he'd left the matter alone, happy not to think too deeply on the matter.

"There you are!" Donna exclaimed once she saw him. He could see that everyone else was still having trouble differentiating between them, unsure what to make of the fact that there were two of him now.

"Took you long enough," Jackie said, her eyes narrowed suspiciously at them and almost automatically he took a half-step back. Okay, one thing he hadn't taken into consideration. If he went to Pete's world with Rose, not only would Jackie be his mother-in-law of sorts, but he also wouldn't be able to run very far. Up until now, when that woman had looked dangerously close to slapping him, he had been able to escape with the Tardis to the other end of the universe in a matter of seconds – far enough that he was sure even someone as determined as an angry Jackie wouldn't be able to catch up – but soon, he'd be stuck. He gulped, forcefully reminding himself that Rose was worth it. And no, he was not slowly wilting under her glare.

He had really behaved himself, though, a quiet voice in the back of his head piped up; it was the full Time Lord who had taken more liberties, not him. Fortunately, he was not suicidal and he doubted he'd be spared from her mother's ire if he were to tell her anything, so he quickly stepped away from Rose and instead busied himself preparing her comfort food, the motions all too familiar, leaving his other self to handle the dragon. He'd have his hands full with her enough in the future, let the other him take the damage for now. Besides, that him could regenerate at least.

"Mum!" Rose protested, always having his back, even when all his other companions just seemed to laugh at his precarious situation. "'s not like that! Shame on you, Jack! What have you been telling her!"

Ooh, good one. Diverting the attention to the handsome immortal who was well known to flirt with almost anyone – including Jackie, probably – and hopefully letting his charm take care of the rest. Not that he didn't have charm – he fiddled with his tie slightly and smoothed over his blue suit jacket – but he'd rather eat Rose's comfort food than flirt with Jackie. Pete – both of them, actually – had his utmost respect for handling her on a daily basis. She was lovely, yes, but not when faced with a suitor of her daughter and someone who endangered her all too often for Jackie's tastes.

...Hold on, was that what he was now? A suitor? He grimaced at the sound of that. Would he have to court her? Bring flowers and chocolates and doing other things he'd sworn he'd never ever do? Well, he'd never ever do unless Rose was upset – but those were special circumstances. They didn't count, he reassured himself silently.

He cursed quietly, realising he'd very nearly allowed the milk to burn. Acting quickly, he remedied the situation, listening to the argument that was slowly getting out of hand behind him.

"I only told her about our time in the gardens of Lorel."

He suppressed a groan and heard his other self mutter a curse in Gallifreyan at the immortal and Rose's short giggle in response.

"Doctor, I don't think that's anatomically possible," she reprimanded him and his eyebrows raised themselves in surprise. He certainly didn't remember ever teaching her any of those words; Rose Tyler was rapidly becoming an enigma to him. She knew and could do a lot of things she shouldn't have been capable of. He definitely needed to talk to her – they both did.

"But, I'll admit that if anyone can do it, it's definitely Jack," she added with a laugh and he found his lips curving up slightly at that suggestion before taking the pot of the heat. The rest was nearly ready as well.

"So it's true then?" Jackie's voice was harsh and he cringed slightly. Oh, this was not good. "An entire society running around starkers? And you took her to it, did you? Taking advantage of my little girl, are you, Doctor?"

Unable to help himself, he turned around fully, gaping at the furious mother of his companion.

"I- No!" he exclaimed, but the Time Lord finally jumped in, explaining where he had been too taken aback by the sudden turn of events to clarify what had actually taken place. At least Jack had the decency to wince on his behalf, undoubtedly only now realising what he'd unleashed.

"Jack," the Time Lord said, sending a sharp glare at the immortal, something he could definitely only agree with, "was in charge of the coordinates this time. Trust me; that was also the last time I let him handle the coordinates. Jack was the only one outside and I had to come to his rescue, but Rose was inside the Tardis the entire time," his other self said firmly and he nodded to confirm that's what had actually taken place.

Unfortunately, Rose decided this was the moment to grow a conscience about that particular misadventure and piped up, voice quiet and hesitant, "weelll... most of the time?"

His head snapped to her and he could see his other self looked just as surprised as him at that revelation. "What do you mean 'most of the time'?"

There was a faint blush on her cheeks as she looked at him – ha! Him, not the full Time Lord version of himself! Take that! – before she obviously regained her composure slightly, giving him a teasing grin, her tongue poking out between her lips in a way that made him realise for the first time just how strongly one singular, human heart could pound against his ribcage.

"Just that; or did you think the key to your cell just appeared via magic?"

Sarah Jane laughed out loud, diffusing the tense air ever so slightly. "Oh, was he stuck in prison – again!?"

"Oy!" he shouted in unison with his other self before frowning. He'd actually thought one of the other people he'd chatted with earlier had procured the key for him. He'd never thought that Rose would... well, he'd never dared to imagine her, to be entirely truthful, running around naked. Now it made sense why the key had been thrown to them; their society wasn't shy about nakedness, but Rose's certainly was. She'd obviously thrown them the key and then run and made it back to the Tardis before they did, somehow. His lips twitched slightly though he forced himself to turn around before his imagination provided him with detailed pictures.

"Is no one else bothered by the fact they were running around starkers or locked in prison?" Jackie at last seemed to have given up on being angry, instead looking bewildered between his chuckling companions. Even Mickey had joined in the laughter.

"It happens," Sarah Jane tried to explain, shrugging lightly. "There are so many different cultures and civilisations out there; you're bound to get something wrong every now and then and it's not as rare as you think to end up in prison."

Donna nodded, adding "besides, it's not as if he ever stayed imprisoned for long."

"And, odd as it sounds," Jack jumped in and he closed his eyes, suppressing a groan, expecting the immortal to land him in an even worse situation rather than aiding, "being imprisoned isn't always so bad."

Judging by Jackie's incredulous stare, he was unfortunately not wrong about the other man contributing to making the situation sound even worse

"What Jack is trying to say, mum," Rose quickly jumped in, her tone slightly desperate, "is that some of those prisons were beautiful rooms in castles... right, Jack?" she added between clenched teeth, sending the immortal an impressive glare.

"Right, yes, of course. That's what I meant," the other man nodded quickly, sending the older Tyler woman his most charming grin – which, luckily, seemed to melt even the most suspicious glare of Jackie.

"Comfort food," he announced quickly before they could start another discussion which would this time probably end with Jackie throttling him for doing god-knows-what to her daughter. He had yet to dare and remind her that she had come onto him the first time she met him; he wasn't sure if it would help or only aggravate the situation and with his luck he suspected it was the latter.

"Yum!" Rose declared, quickly grabbing a plate for herself before turning around to look at the rest of the room. "Does anyone else want any?"

He gave them a horrified look, hoping that none of his other companions had adopted her dubious tastes, when Martha looked enquiringly at the two bowls he held in his hand. "What is it?"

"Fishfingers and custard," he said venomously with as much disgust as he could muster, hoping to put any enquiring minds off tasting the odd concoction. Luckily, everyone else in the room seemed to be of the same mind as him, giving the blonde weird stares which she, unfortunately, seemed completely immune to and showed no sign of succumbing to peer pressure.

"You eat that?" Martha asked, lips curled up in revulsion towards the food as he himself held. He thought vaguely that she at least had yet to try it; Martha had no idea what horrors awaited her if she were to ever try it.

"Yep," Rose confirmed happily, grinning at the look on their faces, shrugging as she sat down. "All the more for me, then."

"It's my fault," Jackie suddenly lamented. "Didn't have much money one Christmas. She's been convinced ever since then that it's fantastic," the Tyler woman shook her head despondently. "No matter what I tried, she insisted on eating that."

Huh, he thought vaguely, that could actually explain it. As lovely as Jackie's turkey was – he had tried her new creations like the fish-meat mix lasagne and the cranberry sauce; if anyone could be driven to adore fishfingers and custard, he suspected Jackie Tyler's newly invented recipes definitely stood a good chance of doing just that.

"Actually," his Time Lord self suddenly spoke up, addressing him just as Rose was indulging on her third fishfinger, "you've got new tastebuds – never know, you might like it."

Feeling utterly betrayed he stared at the other man who only looked at him with a self-satisfied smirk on his lips. Rose's head popped up, looking utterly adorable with a bit of yellow custard on her lips, her eyes wide and pleading and he found even his half-human, half-Time Lord self with a bit of Donna mixed in was entirely unable to resist her.

With a deep sigh, resigned to his impending death, he sat down beside her. At least he'd die semi-happily, enjoying the warmth emitting from her body – though he found it wasn't as marked a difference now that he was human as well and his body temperature matched hers. Still, her scent was intoxicating – even mixed with custard and fishfingers as it was.

"Whipped," Mickey suddenly said from across the room beneath a poorly hidden cough and he shot Rose's ex a hard glare, annoyed when the other boy merely raised an eyebrow in turn. No respect; he could make entire empires fall, watch worlds burn and yet... and yet...

"Maybe you'll like it," Rose offered, her eyes wide with a hint of hope and he bit back yet another sigh. Helpless, that's what he was. Hopelessly resigned to do his best to fulfil his companion's every whim, apparently. It would seem that even the Oncoming Storm dare not crush Rose Tyler's smile.

"Yeah," he offered insincerely, "maybe." When hell freezes over. Which, of course, implied there was such a thing as hell, which there wasn't. Maybe when Woman Wept warmed up? No, that would inevitably happen as the closest star would gain in radiance shortly before it would turn into a supernova.

Before he could think of another example, Rose had taken the opportunity and held out half a fishstick in front of his face, liberally covered in his homemade custard sauce. He normally enjoyed this part of their interaction – where she fed him chips with her hands and he got to taste her, to kiss her fingers under the guise of eating, but he couldn't help but blush, noticing that this time they were not as alone as he was used to being with her in the Tardis. This human body was not as easy to influence, he noted, as his fully Time Lord one, and it took a moment to make the blush disappear. Time Lords, even half human ones, simply didn't blush.

Refusing to make even more of a fool of himself, he took one of the forks he'd placed on the table in case anyone else did dare to try Rose's 'comfort food' and gestured mutely for his companion to put it on there, unwilling to make even more of a spectacle of himself than he already was.

"Don't hold back on our account," Jackie said dryly, her eyes narrowed sharply at him, daring him to do as she said. Luckily, he was not quite that stupid. He'd rather die eating Rose's favourite concoction and with her at his side than having Jackie be the last thing he saw and feeling her fingers around his throat.

To her credit, Rose ignored her mother's suggestion and put it on the fork. He was courageous – he really was – but it took a brave man indeed to try this repulsing food again, remembering just how horrid the first few times had been only too vividly. Swallowing, well aware of the wide eyed expectant stare of his favourite companion, he finally submitted to his torture and before he could find any other reason to prolong the inevitable, he quickly shoved the fork in his mouth.

He was only too aware of the silence around him and for a moment – just a second – he thought it might not actually be as bad as he thought. About to say just that to her – wanting her face to light up – the taste buds on his tongue finally actually sent the signal to his brain and before he could stop himself, his entire face twisted into a grimace and he spat the food right back out, ignoring his companions' exclamations of disgust at the action. He found himself grabbing at his tongue, trying, in vain, to scrape the vile taste of his tongue.

"Huh, still disgusting then," his other self remarked with barely hidden amusement. If he weren't so occupied getting that taste of his tongue, he'd have forced ten of these things down the other man's throat just for that. By Rassilon, Jackie should be punished for ever introducing this thing to her daughter.

He scrambled to the sink, gagging slightly, letting the tap run and attempting, futilely, to get the taste off his tongue. The Tardis laughed in the back of his head and it was all he could do not to tell her off; if he did, he suspected he'd find the water would probably suddenly taste oddly like pears. She'd done it once before when he'd really annoyed her and it was not an experience he was looking to repeat.

"Here," Rose, goddess that she was, offered him a banana shake and, had he not known she would taste like the food he was trying so desperately to get rid of, he might have been tempted to kiss her as thank you... Okay, so he was still tempted to kiss her, but the banana shake definitely took precedence. Well, sort of definitely. She _had_ saved him, after all. And she did look rather delectable with that apologetic expression and her white teeth flashing out to bite her bottom lip. He wanted to bite that bottom lip, too – just gently, mind, not to hurt her. Would she enjoy that? He wanted to find out. He wanted to find out a lot of things, he realised.

Suddenly the bottle in front of him waved side-to-side temptingly and he dismissed those thoughts. Right, room full of friends and family, he reminded himself. Not the best time to indulge in his thoughts – or in Rose. Giving her a quick grin, he quickly opened the bottle and downed most of it in one go before abruptly remembering that he was now half-human and, apparently, without a respiratory bypass. Embarrassingly enough, he ended up in a coughing fit with Rose gently stroking his back.

Yeah, that cinched it. This was definitely not his day. Well, her hand on his back was rather nice though... Unbelievable! No one should have this kind of power of him. He was utterly helpless, doomed to accept whatever punishment she saw fit to dole out and still accept her apologies when she hadn't even said a word. This wasn't right!

"'m sorry, Doctor," Rose said, her voice low and disconsolate as if she'd read his mind. Sighing to himself, he gave her a quick hug – mindful of her mother just on the other side of the table – before responding.

"Not your fault," he said and his eyes found those of the Time Lord who was staring at them with darkened eyes. Yes, he reminded himself, it hadn't been her fault at all. He glared at the other man.

* * *

A long time ago, Martha Jones had learned that sometimes it paid off to keep silent and observe. And that's what she was doing now. Watching, observing, noting what was said and what was conveyed without words, noting the gestures and touches, the looks that passed, trying to form a picture of the woman who had been mentioned so often and whom she knew so little about about.

For a long time, she'd felt like second best. She had been young and yet Martha had been well on her way to becoming a fully qualified medical doctor when she'd first met the Time Lord. The Doctor, however, was a hard man to impress whereas he had swept her off her feet well before he'd even kissed her, he had seemed immune if not oblivious to her charms. It had seemed that nothing was ever perfect or good enough, always compared to the seemingly flawless Rose and though she'd made her peace with it, she'd thought, having realised long ago that no matter what she did, she would never live up to someone who only existed in his memory, seeing her here and now, had brought all the old feelings back to the forefront.

Martha had thought she'd grown beyond comparing herself to others. She now worked for UNIT as a fully qualified Doctor, had achieved her dream and gone beyond it. Even her family had, after the year that never was, grown much closer and while yes, there were still fights, they no longer relied on her to mediate between them, freeing her of much of the responsibility and pressure she had always been under in her family. And, though she doubted she'd ever stop being swayed by the Doctor in a lot of ways, she was no longer infatuated with him as she had been before. Yes, he was brilliant and amazing and impressive, but she had learned that he would never come to see her that way, no matter what she did. And more than that, she had learned that while she wasn't a match for him he also wasn't one for her.

The Doctor would never open up to her unless forced and she did not understand the many things he always left unsaid. She didn't doubt that he could teach her, that she could grow to understand them if he took the time to explain; but he didn't and never would explain unless she pestered him; that was not something she wanted in a relationship. The Doctor didn't see her or treat her as an equal. And Martha had learned that she didn't want to be a stand-in, didn't want to chase after someone else's ghost, didn't want to feel like she had to prove herself, day after day. She wasn't perfect – no one was – but she was pretty damn good. And Martha refused to chase after someone who could not show her that they appreciated her just as she was.

And yes, okay, in the beginning she'd been petty and jealous of this wonderful Rose who had captivated the Doctor so. For the longest time she had been under the impression that Rose had left him, the Doctor, of her own volition; that she had gotten tired of the life or the man or not truly understood just how brilliant he was. And she hadn't understood; how could someone – anyone – ever leave this life and the man in it behind when he was so clearly head over heels in love with them, when they were together as he'd said? How could this woman just have upped and left?

And the more she was mentioned, the more references the Doctor made to Rose, to how she would have handled the situation had she been there, the more she grew to resent the other woman because despite the fact that she had left him, despite abandoning the man she loved and this life, the Doctor seemed incapable of forgetting her. And yet he still refused to see her, to notice any of her charm or her brilliance or how often she'd helped him. Martha Jones, to the Doctor, ranked second best to a woman who had left him behind; and that simple fact made it worse than anything.

But she persisted. Not just because of the Doctor – though she could admit now that it had been a healthy part of her decision, her desire to make this man look at her once, just once, the way he looked when he spoke of Rose – but also because she enjoyed being part of something greater, enjoyed being able to help people like she'd set out to do as a Doctor only on a far grander scheme.

His revelation to Jack – one which she overheard – about Rose being trapped in a parallel universe had finally allowed her world to make sense again. Of course; how could he ever let her go when she had seemingly sacrificed herself for him. No one, Martha had thought, who was loved as much by anyone as the Doctor loved Rose, would ever willingly leave – and that, finally, she understood.

Then, during the year that never was, Martha learned that she wasn't satisfied being second best – not for anyone, not even him. Martha Jones _was_ brilliant and though the Doctor had shown her how to reach for the stars, had told her she was great, he had also been the one to make her feel like she wasn't good enough. Over time she had come to realise that though he had kissed her that first time they met, he had done his best to establish boundaries early on, emphasising that she was a travel companion – never a girlfriend. And yet they had been in such close quarters, he'd held her hand, he'd run and he'd been so clever, so absolutely brilliant, so mysterious and engaging he'd drawn her in like a moth to a flame and she had been blind to the fact that he was that way with _everybody_.

But by now she understood that the Doctor would never see her that way, would never come to see her as anything more than a companion and though she would have liked to say that if he were to declare his love for her now, she would still refuse him, a part of her knew she would be tempted – sorely tempted – as she had witnessed his devotion, his love and his passion first hand and longed to experience it at least once when it was directed at her and her alone. But she knew now, unlike back then, that he would never be a good match for her.

It had taken time, but as she ran all over her own planet, sharing her stories of him, others had pointed out to her what she'd been oblivious to; eventually, she would grow old, she'd age, gain wrinkles and grey hair, lose her youth, her vitality and her beauty. And he would remain the same. Young, fit, good-looking and Martha knew herself well enough to understand that she would grow to resent him with time. It wasn't his fault but even if he did not care, if he were to truly remain the same with her, no matter what age she was, she knew she would not be able to accept it, would doubt him and one thing she didn't want, was to be alone in old age.

And while she'd enjoyed running, ultimately, family was paramount to her. She would always want to return to them, wanted to attend gatherings and celebrations and to share her life with them. And one thing had become startlingly clear to her during the year that never was; at some point, she wouldn't want to run anymore, at some point, she would want to build a family, live on Earth and have a career – and the Doctor would never stop running. During all the time she'd been with him, he'd barely even stopped to breathe. When they weren't outside finding trouble, he was fixing the Tardis and the one time she'd asked for down time, he'd given it to her and been absent the entire time until she'd caved and just wanted to run again rather than be alone in this vast ship.

He'd eaten, occasionally, but never had he cooked for her or sat down with her, never had she seen him so relaxed, so content. With her, he'd always seemed to twitch, his fingers drumming, his body in constant motion, always needing to run and the main reason why she'd even begun to pity Rose; though now she could see just how foolish that had been. He'd needed to run with Martha Jones; with Rose, it seemed, he was content to just be near her and even the adrenaline junkie inside of him seemed satisfied just hovering protectively over the woman he loved.

Just a day ago, she couldn't have imagined ever seeing him like this; calm, at peace. It was like an oxymoron, something humans did, humans needed, but not Time Lords, she'd assumed. The Doctor she had known had always been buzzing with barely contained energy, always raring to go, no matter what time of day or night; these men, both of them, were happy, joking, laughing, teasing and relaxed.

It was as though they were different men altogether and Martha couldn't help but be curious; what was it about Rose Tyler that changed him so? What made the blonde so different from Donna and Jack, from Sarah Jane, from herself? How had she made a man – or an alien – as incredible as the Doctor fall for her so hard he refused to even take note of anyone else in his vicinity even long after he'd deemed her gone and unable to return? Why was she so special? What did she have that no one else did?

So, when the Doctors both escaped with Rose, she followed, ignoring the silent reprimand in Jack's eyes. She _had_ to know, she just had to. Not because she wanted the Doctor, not out of misplaced jealousy or anger, but rather because she wanted someone to look at her the way he did at Rose; she wanted to find someone who saw her, truly saw her, and had even half the Doctor's love and devotion for her that he did for Rose. Well, okay, and maybe a bit of jealousy – but it wasn't fair. She had become a doctor rather quickly and at a young age, had proven her brightness and coped with the stress of medical school, work and family and yet this young blonde woman who spoke like she had never gone to University and, from what Jack had said, had worked as a shop assistant, had managed to charm this brilliant, clever man and no one could explain to her _why_.

So yeah, she snuck out after them and after a few moments, she found them, sequestered in the library. Her curiosity warred with her conscience for a moment, but in the end curiosity won out. Quietly, she opened the door until she saw them and crawled in, hiding herself.

The Doctor in blue was seated with his back to her, leaning against the end of the couch. Rose's head was on his knees – she was stretched out over the length of the sofa – and he was playing with her hair. The other Doctor, the real one, was on the floor but he had bedded his head on the blonde's stomach, her leather jacket open, revealing a burgundy shirt beneath. Rose had taken to massaging the real Doctor's head and for a moment, Martha felt like she was interrupting something intensely private with the way they looked at one another and how open he was around her – open in a way she'd never seen before and she dared to think he would've never let her see, had he known she was there.

"Library's changed a bit," Rose commented before Martha could convince herself to leave and, feeling a slight relief at the fact they were talking, she settled down again to watch.

The real Doctor with his head on her stomach just hummed contentedly and she couldn't help but smile slightly, unable to fully ignore the mental picture of a purring kitten. The man in blue answered the blonde's unspoken question.

"We – me and Donna – went to a planet called the library. Met some shadow creatures-"

"Urgh! Don't tell me, the Vashta Nerada?"

To Martha's surprise, Rose appeared to be right. The Doctor in brown certainly looked taken aback, head lifted slightly – though she noted he didn't try to stop the affection the blonde was bestowing upon him, rather content for her to continue her massages – and eyes blinking rapidly for a moment which she'd long ago associated with genuine surprise.

"Yeah – how did you know?"

"Told you; had to travel across several parallel dimensions to find you. You, Doctor, are a hard man to find. Anyway, point is, one of them had these in it. They'd killed half of Great Britain already – though it wasn't called Great Britain. Only there for a short time, luckily. They were everywhere, every shadow, swallowing up the light as they came closer, devouring every living thing they came in contact with, leaving only a carcass behind, bones stripped bare. Creepy as all hell; I was happy to get out of there."

The blonde shuddered and though she found it hard to imagine, Martha couldn't help but cringe at the picture Rose had painted; turned out, apparently, she'd been right to be afraid of the dark as a child. She was just glad that the Doctor had met and undoubtedly put an end to them here, in her world.

"I would've never known," he said abruptly, his voice, dark and ominous, sent a shiver down her spine. "I would've never known you were lost. I very nearly lost you, permanently. How many, Rose? How many worlds? How often did you barely escape certain death?"

Martha's breath stilled; what? Surely someone had fought this thing, would've beaten it back, even if he wasn't there? The Doctor, the man who fought the monsters – but surely he couldn't be the only one in all the parallel worlds? Just thinking of how many ploys they'd foiled in her travels with him, she dreaded to think what places Rose had found if they were all like that, without anyone to save them.

To Martha's surprise, Rose seemed to draw an entirely different conclusion from the Doctor's question.

"So you couldn't beat them back either, huh?"

Only then did she notice the tension in his jaw, the squared shoulders, the darkness in his eyes.

"No," his response was curt, barely suppressed anger in his voice. After a moment, without further prompting from the blonde – or at least none that she could see – he elaborated. "Not fully. The library will forever be lost. We saved them... Well, most of them. One had to... She sacrificed herself. They had this, well, this computer. It had saved them, all four thousand people, in its memory. I just had to reverse engineer it, download them. Made the Vashta Nerada an offer; didn't want to, not after what they did, and especially the price we paid for it, but I'm still him... I'm still the Doctor."

Martha stared, confused, at them, wondering what was going on. He sounded like he was trying to reassure Rose, but of what? Of course he was the Doctor. That was his name, wasn't it? And what sort of statement was that? What did it mean?

"Never cruel or cowardly," Rose said in response though Martha was having trouble making sense of it, watching as the blonde lay a hand on the real Doctor's cheek, stroking it softly, soothingly.

"Never give up." The man in blue said, whispering the words like a mantra, a prayer.

"Never give in." The real Doctor said, his eyes dark but his lips curled up slightly in a half-smile. The words meant something, she could feel it, like a shiver down her spine, something you felt when you experienced something so momentous that even if you did not understand its full significance, a part of you couldn't help but appreciate that whatever it was, it had just changed everything.

A pause; both Doctors seemed content that Rose at least understood, happy to simply enjoy her presence and the blonde appeared equally pleased, giving the half-human Doctor a warm smile. So far, Martha decided, everything she'd seen had only raised more questions and answered nothing. Then, suddenly, the blonde woman sat up slightly, her hand on the Doctor's cheek and her amber eyes looking at him intently.

"You haven't stopped running for a very long time, have you, Doctor?"

"I- What?" His voice was higher than normal, Martha noted with amusement, realising that apparently even the Time Lord could not only be surprised but also be unable to lie to their lady loves. It was interesting to see such a different side to the man she normally saw, the man who had an answer for everything and was utterly unflappable.

Rose, however, was apparently well used to him as she just chuckled lightly. "You look absolutely exhausted," the blonde asserted firmly and Martha gaped. The Doctor, in all the time that she'd known him, had never once been fatigued, filled with seemingly boundless amounts of energy, day and night – she'd even doubted him when he said that he slept; she simply hadn't been able to imagine him being still for long enough to get any sleep. And today in the kitchen and even now she had been observing him intently and there was nothing that showed her he was tired as Rose seemed to think he was.

But to her surprise, a tired smile graced his lips and she watched as the Doctor rubbed his forehead and the very human motion suddenly allowed her to see at least some of what the blonde had talked about, the exhaustion seemingly pulling on the Time Lord's limbs now that he no longer had to hide it.

"How could you tell?"

The blonde just shrugged. "Your eyes, how tense you are, the slight jitteriness, how it takes you a fraction of a second longer than it should to respond to simple questions... it's not like you're very good at hiding it."

The man in blue seemed content to just watch but the real Doctor's lips curved up in a real smile that took Martha's breath away in its simple honesty and the affection written in his face.

"And yet, no one but you has ever been able to notice it."

"Possibly, but you've not really ever let them see you, have you?"

The blue half-human Doctor spoke up, his voice light but firm, "I didn't _let_ you either. You just..." he paused for a moment, obviously searching for the right word, before continuing, tone changing to teasing, "forced your way in. You drove me up the wall until I inadvertently told you more than I wanted to. Not been able to fool you since."

The blonde let out a short laugh before giving him a mischievous grin. "You make it sound so bad."

Martha had to grin at the light banter between the two, though she was glad that Rose at least had pointed out to the Doctor, that all his companions had wanted to, but had not been let in by him and had therefore not seen what she had so easily recognised.

As her laughter evaporated, Rose suddenly turned serious again. "When was the last time you slept?"

"I still travel with humans, you know," the Doctor defended himself quickly, "got to stop and give you your seven hours – or nine, in some cases," he added with a not-so-subtle look at the blonde positioned slightly above him, "so you can sleep your life away."

Martha could admit to herself that she doubted she would've recognised it as swiftly as Rose did for the diversion it was; she thought that in all likelihood, she would've probably been insulted at his comment rather than noticing he had not answered the question directly.

"Which, in Doctor-speech, means you've run yourself ragged until you collapsed in utter exhaustion. Pause. Repeat. You've probably kept finding more people to save while they were asleep, like you did with me when we first met."

Martha only just stopped herself from laughing at the Doctor's expression; he looked absolutely flabbergasted when confronted with Rose's deduction, eyes comically wide and his mouth opening and closing as he undoubtedly sought to defend himself but was unable to find the right words.

"I didn't think you knew," he finally said.

"'Course I knew. Well, not right at the start, but then I started to notice; you smelt of it, sometimes. Or you had a bruise I knew you didn't have when you'd gone to bed with me. Figured you'd run out to find more trouble at night."

She thought she was probably doing a fair impression of the Doctor's face moments earlier and she didn't know which surprised her more – okay, that was a lie. Had it been a day ago, she would've probably sworn up and down that for all his flirtations, the Doctor was asexual for all that he said and did on their adventures, she'd never seen any inclination of his to suggest otherwise. But now – he _slept _with her? Maybe not slept-slept but still lying in the same bed? She definitely remembered Jack telling her they weren't kissing or officially together in a way she understood. But she definitely understood sleeping together and it wasn't something friends frequently did with one another; well, not that she knew anyway.

And the other thing that bothered her – she had been convinced that the Doctor needed her; she'd saved him, saved others, helped him, surely he needed help that was why he travelled with others. But no, apparently he'd gone on adventures without her, without Donna, without problems and she'd never even noticed. Every time she lay down he was out there, saving another civilisation, another planet. So what were they? Useless? Someone to show off to? If he didn't need them, then why would he allow them to travel with him in the first place? Why invite them if he needed no one?

"Took quite a bit of time until you learned to relax, but then you started eating dinner with me and breakfast without looking so guilty. And then you actually fell asleep sometimes next to me or you read books all night or tinkered with some trinkets, but point is, you stayed. You didn't run, you didn't feel that incessant urge that told you to run and that had kept you up all the time before, at least I don't think you did anymore."

The Doctor's eyes were shimmering with so many emotions that Martha's throat tightened and she averted her eyes, knowing that they weren't meant for her and that he would never have opened himself up like this to her, would have never allowed her to see this vulnerability. This was for Rose and Rose alone; he allowed her to see all of him and Martha felt more acutely than ever that she'd overstepped her boundaries by witnessing this moment.

"No," he admitted, his voice hoarse and his tone conveying so much affection and warmth that she felt herself blush even just hearing him. "No, you're quite right. You made me stop; no, no, no. That's not right, that implies I had to be coerced. You, Rose Tyler, did the impossible. Again, I should probably say," he added with a quick mutter and a teasing grin, before becoming serious again. "You made me want to stop running, just for a bit. But then, when... when you weren't... _here_, I couldn't stop. Not for anything or anyone. I tried to, sometimes. Got lost in the memories, but you were the only one in my entire life who has ever made me think that maybe, walking and living life at a normal pace every now and then wouldn't be so bad. Didn't know how to anymore when you weren't here to show me."

"Silly Doctor," Rose's throat was tight with tears and it reflected in her voice as she choked slightly. "You didn't need me to show you how to, you always knew how. You just needed someone to tell you that it's okay to stop, that you _deserve_ to stop, that, sometimes, the universe will just have to wait or let someone else save it. It's not all on you, never has been, but you're so afraid, so guilty, you refuse to see it. _My Doctor_."

And then Martha saw what Jack had meant; entire worlds would rise and fall apart with Rose's words for the Doctor. She _was_ his universe, the sun really did rise with her and hers with him. Or them. There was so much love, so much tenderness, so much concern and affection in their every word, their every action, Martha wondered how they had ever survived without one another. Neither cried, they didn't kiss, they didn't even hug; just looking, just touching, gently, never moving, allowing each other to see past what they hid from everyone else, allowing their vulnerability and their strength to shine through for the other.

"We need you," her blue Doctor finally said, his arms wrapping around Rose's waist and pulling her against him while the other Doctor half-kneeled at her feet, one hand on her knee the other covering her hand on his face, a mute request for her to remain as she was.

"You don't need me," Martha blinked slightly out of her stupor, surprised at the harshness of the blonde's word though the tone of her voice was still gentle as she corrected him. "Just like I don't need you. We're good, even without one another. Look at everything you've done, everything you've achieved. Just look at the brilliant, brilliant people you've had with you!"

She felt as confused as the Doctor looked but after a pause, Rose continued and explained.

"The difference is that when I'm with you, you add to my life, you help me achieve my dreams; when you're out there, you don't stop at making the universe a better place but everywhere you've gone, you leave people behind who've been changed for the better. You were right, back then, on the beach. I could live a normal life – or as normal as could be, working with aliens – just like you could keep on living like this, the last two of the Time Lords. But together, together we can balance each other, help each other; being together, for us, doesn't detract from one another, we only add to it. I never have to be afraid that I can't trust you, that you'd betray me, that you won't support me or laugh at my dreams. You have always been there for me. Always. When no one else was, when I was afraid, when I didn't know what I could do, you showed me. I'm a better person with you, because of you. You showed me the universe, showed me all I could be and in return, I showed you that I will never judge you, that with me, you don't need to pretend, you don't need to be alright, that sometimes, it's okay not to want to save someone – and yet you do it, regardless, because you know that everyone still has the potential inside them to change and you refuse to accept that anyone, no matter their crime, is irrevocably beyond your powers to save, that anyone is too broken, too damaged, to be healed. Despite what you may think or want, despite how tempted you may be, you don't ever give up, you don't ever give in and you face all your choices with courage few have ever had to muster. You are my Doctor, both of you, despite your choice to fulfil the prophecy. You _are_ my Doctor and nothing you do or say can ever change that."

Martha stared. She was well aware that she should have left them to their discussion a long time ago, that she'd not just crossed boundaries, she'd leapt well beyond them and that every second longer in their presence was an invasion of their privacy, but her heartbeat echoed loudly in her ears, her hands trembled and she was only faintly aware of her tight throat and the wetness on her cheeks.

This, right here, this was the kind of love everyone dreamed of, the kind of love she'd longed for, the one that was written of and spoken of and so few ever got to experience. This, right here, was something Martha wanted in her own life, had longed for, this unconditional, unquestioning support; a love which didn't fade with age or time apart, which didn't falter or rely on diplomacy and compromises to function or required utter reliance from one partner on the other rather a love based on complete equality, full understanding and unlimited faith.

It took her a few moments to gather herself and just as she decided that she shouldn't intrude on them any further and leave them, the Doctor in brown spoke up again and inevitably her curiosity reared its ugly head and she found herself halting her movements, interested despite her better judgement telling her she should really leave them alone.

"Would you repeat what you said that day, on the beach, for me?"

"Do you mean the bit where I told you to shut up?"

The corners of her mouth curled upwards in a smile; she rather doubted that had been what he meant and yet she couldn't help but be amused by the feisty blonde's easy teasing, her joviality and how she generally treated like the Doctor. Not reverent, not like he was so much older and more experienced than her, but rather as if he was her best friend, her partner, her equal.

But the Doctor, the one clad in brown, remained serious, his eyes steadfast and Martha watched as Rose adapted and echoed his mood, reflecting the same gravity which would have normally been funny on anyone else and yet the looks they exchanged took her breath away; so many words, never spoken but conveyed so easily without even needing to lend voice to them.

Martha didn't know what she had expected, but the words still took her breath away fully as she watched, wide-eyed, as Rose addressed solely the Doctor on the floor, the one dressed in blue seemingly content to observe rather than interfere or be part of what was transpiring.

"I love you." Such a simple sentence, so few words and yet no one could deny the effect of it and yet she hadn't hesitated, had undoubtedly given him just what he had requested without asking for anything in return. The amber eyes of the woman were filled with warmth, with love, adoration, affection, with longing and desire, with pride and though her words were softly spoken, they carried throughout the library, the emotion behind them lending them uncharacteristic fierceness and strength.

"**Arkytior**," Martha wasn't sure what the words meant, but the Doctor's voice was choked, the language melodic and spoken with so much feeling that for a moment she thought they were the reciprocal form of her words in his tongue. She had half-expected them to kiss, to fall into each other's arms, yet they remained as they were, separated by a few inches, touching only gently, but in that moment she saw far more emotion than he had ever revealed to her before. He didn't cry though she had expected him to, having seen his face, his hands, trembling just inches shy of touching Rose's face as if he still daren't imagine she was real, she was alive. The Doctor in blue remained quiet, letting them have their moment though Martha did not know why he didn't feel the same needs as the Doctor did, why he had not succumbed, as the other man had, to his desperation.

The Doctor kneeling in front of Rose looked like a man drowning and she was his only anchor, his saving grace, as if the universe would swallow him whole the moment he allowed his eyes to fall from hers, the moment she left his sight. She had seen the world in shambles, had seen people driven to desperate deeds, but this man was god-knows-how-old and yet he looked so devastated, so alone, so _lonely_, it tore her heart into shreds to realise he had thought he would remain like this for the rest of his lives, that he would never know anything else, not anymore, not with Rose trapped in a parallel world.

And the blonde – she'd had the courage to travel, on her own, knowing that if she made the wrong choice, there would be no one there to save her and she would die, utterly alone, on a planet, in a universe, a dimension not her own and no one would ever know what had truly happened to her.

"Say it again. In my language." It was a desperate plea, disguised as an order in the hope of lending strength where there was none to be found, in the hope of having Rose listen to him. Fool, Martha thought. Rose would do anything he'd ask, she understood that now; he need only ask and, she suspected, sometimes not even that.

"I- I don't know the words," the blonde hesitantly admitted, looking genuinely apologetic but the Doctor didn't falter, didn't look fazed and Martha's heart leapt into her throat as she slowly realised that it had been his plan all along. He wanted to tell them to her. And she really, really shouldn't stay here and listen to this, she knew, but she was frozen in place, unable to do anything but watch as everything slowly unfolded in front of her.

"**I love you**," he breathed out, his voice trembling with the force of his emotions.

Martha wondered vaguely what that language was; Time Lord-ish? Gallifreyan? Gallifreyish? Either way, it was absolutely beautiful, like a melody all on its own, each sound smoothly turning into the next. She watched as Rose blinked twice, rapidly, undoubtedly willing away tears at his words. Though he'd pretended to simply teach her the words, there was a softness in his tone, a hesitancy to his words, his voice thick with love and affection that no one could have missed.

And he didn't waver, not for a second, refusing to let his eyes leave Rose's, allowing everything that he normally refused to say shine through for a moment, before both returned to their pretence. Martha felt like alternatively hugging them and hitting them, wondering why they felt the need to hide their feelings when they were so beautiful, so breathtaking and so definitively reciprocated.

"**I**-" Rose paused, clearing her throat before attempting a second time. "**I admiration you**."

To Martha's surprise, both Doctor's suddenly grinned, the brown clad Doctor ducking his head down for a moment, lips twitching irrepressibly until he finally chuckled gruffly.

"I admire you, too," he finally said, voice light with laughter and Rose stared at him, looking as confused as she felt.

"Ah, well, I do... too?"

The half-human Time Lord shook with laughter at this point and it finally dawned on Martha; Rose must have made a slight, nearly unnoticeable mistake in her pronounciation.

"I know," the Doctor finally said, still grinning with barely hidden amusement, "that's what you said."

At his words, the blonde started pouting. "What did I do wrong?"

"Ah, vowels not quite long enough and you put an extra r in there. So, technically speaking, you actually used the noun rather than the verb. If you-"

"Okay, okay, I get it. Just- just shut up for a moment, yeah?"

Rose closed her eyes and Martha knew that the other woman was doing what she herself had done, recalling the memory and reviewing his exact words so she could repeat it correctly. The Doctor, however, seemed uncertain as to what she was doing and was therefore completely taken aback, when the blonde woman spoke up again.

"**I love you.**"

Martha would have thought that the emotion would have faded with the laughter, but the intensity was still there, Rose's tone conveying her earnestness and affection but it was the look in the Doctor's wide eyes that took her breath away, the unhindered view of his surprise and the way they filled abruptly with such love, such utter devotion, she could only stare helplessly, frozen in place, unable to move away with her legs trembling and her heart aching. The Doctor, just about to reach for Rose, suddenly stopped and for a moment, Martha thought he'd somehow realised she was there, but when he spoke up, it wasn't for her.

"What... what do you want in return? You must know I can never give you what you want and I can't say what you want to hear. So, what do you want in return?"

Martha felt like she might cry for him or slap the Doctor for Rose, make him understand that not everything in the universe had a price, but instead of insulted – or worse, hurt – the blonde woman just looked puzzled, frowning at the man in front of her.

"What I want in return?" she echoed, eyebrows raised in confusion.

"Many people have loved me, Rose. You're not the first one." Oh, she was definitely going to slap him this time if the other woman didn't get there first. "And that's the thing with humans; you always want something; so what is it? Do you want me to live in the parallel world, is that it? Do you want me to give up the Tardis? To stop running, saving people? What is it?"

Had he really experienced so little genuine love that it was hard to fathom for him that Rose wanted nothing in return? She barely knew the woman, but Martha was certain that the love she'd seen in her amber eyes was not based on any conditions or criteria. It was as endless and ever-expanding as the universe; for as long as Rose Tyler lived, of that Martha was certain, she would love the Doctor.

While she would have rather liked to claim the same, loving that man as a friend unconditionally, she was not sure she could lay claim to that. She loved the Doctor, but only the parts of him that she knew and only now did she realise that all she had seen, had been what he had wanted her to see, never more. But that simply meant she'd have to make more of an effort from now on, she determined, get to know the man who had saved the world and learn to love him, as a friend. Because he deserved that at least – and so did she.

"Nothing," the reply was simple, firm, a crooked smile playing at the corners of Rose's mouth and there was sorrow in her eyes – not pain, not hurt by his words but rather sadness because she understood he genuinely believed them.

"No one wants nothing," he scoffed and Martha bit her lip to stop herself from interfering when she had no right to.

Rose just laughed.

"I didn't say I didn't want nothin'-"

"anything," the Doctor corrected and the blonde rolled her eyes.

"Anything, then. Of course I want things, I want lots of things. Never said I didn't. I want to keep flying, I want to stay on the Tardis forever, I want to watch my little brother grow up and I want to stay with you, always. But none of those affect whether or how much I love you. That's not love, Doctor, not to me it isn't." Rose shook her head slightly, as if to emphasize her words, her hand on her chest, over her heart.

"I don't love you because you can fly through time and space, I don't love you because you got the Tardis, I don't love you because you saved me or because you saved the entire universe, time and again," Rose's hand gently caressed the Doctor's face, as if she knew that though her words were spoken with the greatest care, she would hurt him.

"I love you because you are the _best_ man I've _ever_ met. I love you not inspite of your mistakes or faults as you perceive them, but because of them, because they make you the man you are today. I have seen the very best of you, those days when you save the universe with a twist of your wrist and a snap of your fingers, when you make me feel like I could touch the stars with my feet still on the ground," Rose's smile was tender and warm, softening the blow from her next words, "and I've seen the very worst of you. I've seen empires, entire planets fall, I've seen the numbers of the dead growing higher and higher, I've seen the emptiness in your head, in the universe, I've seen what pain and torment you can inflict. I know why they call you the Oncoming Storm, why you are a renowned warrior and how you battled for _centuries_, fighting, killing, going against everything you believe in because_ you had no choice. _And yet, even when you feel like you least deserve it, deserve me or anyone loving you, even when you try to push me away and reject me, I will _always_ love you."

Martha didn't understand, not fully, but the emotion spoke for itself and Rose's words were rushed, as if she knew he didn't want to hear them, didn't want a profession of love this deep, this sincere and Martha's heart broke for this beautiful, fascinating, wonderful man who seemed not to understand how anyone who knew him as well as Rose evidently did, could feel for him as she so clearly did.

"This you, the last you, any you that's yet to come or has already been. They, him, you, all of you, _are_ the Doctor, _my Doctor. _You can't scare me away and I know, I know how that frightens you and I'm sorry – I'm so sorry – but I love you. **I love you.** No matter the choices you have or will make. I don't ask for anything in return, because there is nothing you can give me that would change the way I feel about you. I don't need you to love me, I don't want you to live a slow life, I don't want you to give up the Tardis or anything else. I just want you to know that no matter where you are, no matter what happens to me, to you, to anyone else, _I love you._"

The last piece of resistance broke and in one frantic movement, the Doctor swept Rose up in his arms, clinging to her with such desperation, such hopelessness and yet relief and yearning, his head hidden in her neck, his shoulder shaking that Martha felt tears gather again in the corner of her eyes as she silently crawled out of the library, determined to leave at least that last bit of the Doctor's pride intact and allowing him to be vulnerable only in front of the one woman who would never judge him.

And with a sudden start Martha realised that she'd never been interested in finding out more about Rose; who was she, after all, but another companion of the Doctor – albeit someone he felt strongly for. No, Rose was even more of a mystery to her now, than ever before but it hadn't been her she'd ever wanted to know more about, she realised suddenly. No, rather, she had wanted to see the Doctor Jack had talked of, the man the alien was when he was around her, around the infamous Rose Tyler; she'd wanted to know if he really was that different, if one person, one single human girl in all of space and time could really change him that much.

And she had her answer now. This man, this Doctor – _Rose's Doctor_, she corrected herself – he was better than anyone she'd ever seen, better than she'd thought; he was more human and more alien all at once and she desperately wanted to help him, to learn more about him and become his friend, a trusted friend, someone he might even, one day, allow behind those walls and see the real him she'd been given a brief glimpse of today.

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Woah, I do hope you enjoyed that. I was sleepless last night bar for three hours while my head tried to work out this scenario and all the words. I would love to hear what you think and I do hope you enjoy Martha and she wasn't too OOC.

Please review again!

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Responses to reviews since the last chapter are below:

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**greeneyesCutie**

Hi again! Thank you very much for your review. Agreed, the Valeyard would unfortunately cause a lot of issues for my story. Haha, I like your idea of "go to"'s. I hadn't thought of that myself. I just keep trundling on, from one bad story to the next, with the odd kernel of gold hidden between them. I definitely know what you mean about 'unreading' a story. I am always kind of amused when I read one story which has me absolutely loathing Donna, Martha or one of the other characters and in the next one I fall in love with them and think they're the bestest person ever. Dependant on how it's written, a good author can definitely change our thoughts and feelings on characters based on the way they've written them. Unfortunately, too many of them oversimplify some rather than adding depth to the character; something I very nearly did with Martha *whistle innocently*

And yes, happy to reassure you, Rose will definitely be in Eleven's timeline and while I do like River in some sense, I definitely won't let her be his wife. Nuh-uh, not happening on my watch. I like Rory too and his dad; they're both brilliant! Well, I do hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review and share your thoughts!

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**Tiggrchic982**

*lol* thank you for your review. I definitely noticed the level of anxiety in your review :) I cannot commit to anything, that's all I'll say just to up the tension a bit because I'm an evil author! Thank you very much for enjoying my rewrite. Yay, glad you enjoyed the tension (delicious tension, brilliant turn of phrase!); always nervous about writing that, so glad it came across well. I can tell you, explanations are a bit off yet. As are adventures. I know, I'm sorry, too, but the plot needs to move along a bit or I think I'm gonna have a crisis cause this story will never end! Anyway, I do hope you enjoyed this latest chapter as well and I would really love to hear your point of view! Please...?

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**cecilehem**

Hi! Thanks for the pm, you lovely person! Here's a Martha born from your comments at least partly. I just needed my head screwed on right again. No one is as one dimensional as I wanted to make her in my fit of rage.

Yep, that's me, definitely a cruel author who loves cliffhangers *muahaha*

*blush* Ah, thanks for the compliments. Yeah, that body was made for her. The beach was a horrible episode first time around and I just didn't – well sort of – understood the second time around. I still think they should've left them together though, that was unnecessary cruelty. Anywho, you'll see my plan when we get to it (which again seems further away than I had anticipated... how do these chapters end up so long? No, seriously, how?)

Yes, the 2005 goodbye moment is definitely real, and it definitely has to (will) happen, but the Doctor doesn't know it. He never looks at his own or his companion's timelines (how rude that would be), so he is currently happily oblivious to the impending potential disaster.

Whilst no kisses happened – well, none on the mouth – I do hope I satisfied the fluff criteria with this one. Sorry this one was a bit longer in coming than I had anticipated, but, to be fair, I think you would've all hated me had I uploaded my first draft.

Oh I agree, I'm quite looking forward to writing Jack. Still trying to think of the best scenario to showcase him in and his thoughts. Any suggestions?

Yay – glad you agree. I hate it when I realise I've built a story and forgotten to take something into consideration and thereby made a rather large leap in logic for character traits, so thank you !

I would always love to hear from you – please let me know your thoughts on this chapter – especially Martha.

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**50penny **

*blush* so much flattery! Thank you very, very much for your review and the effusive praise! I do hope you continue to enjoy my story as we delve a bit more in the other side characters over the next chapter.

I know – Forever is brilliant! I absolutely love that show and I love how impeccably dressed he is. Do you watch Sherlock as well? The BBC series? It's fantastic as well! There are precious few Forever fanfics, but there is a brilliant one about them infiltrating a Jane Austen themed weekend, Henry and Jo as partners. It's fabulous! And yeah, ABC is definitely a bunch of idiots as are all the others who didn't pick up the show!

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**Eagle Hawke**

Hi Cyclops ;) Unfortunately, you will find that I am not easily threatened, but I think you are lucky in that I intended to update either way. Besides, exterminating would be kind of pointless because then this story would forever remain unfinished :)

Anywho, do hope you enjoy the story! Would love to hear what you think about it and this chapter if you do have the time.

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**Darkwolfberlin **

Hi!

Super, vielen Dank fuer deinen Kommentar. Irgendwie geht's nur etwas langsam voran mit der tatsaechlichen Geschichte; ich plane das nicht wirklich so, aber irgendwie haben die Charaktere da ihre eigene Sache im Sinn und ich komm halt nicht so schnell voran wie ich gern moechte. Mal ganz im Ernst; ich habe keine Ahnung wie ich auf einmal auf 16k gekommen bin! Es sollte einen kurzen Einblick in die Charaktere gewaehren – der Stichpunkt hier ist 'kurz'! Ich habe gerade mal drei Charaktere hinter mir und irgendwie sind das chon 16k weg. Das geht doch nicht! Freut mich, dass du nicht zu sehr enttaeuscht warst vom letzten Kapitel. Loesung kommt... irgendwann... im Entenschritt. Es ist echt peinlich wie langsam's voran geht. Ich glaube fast, ich werde hiermit nie fertig! Na, scherz beiseite, es wird noch viele Kapitel geben so wie ich das jetzt einschaetze, also hoff ich du haeltst mit mir durch und schreibst mir auch weiterhin was du von der neuesten Wendung haeltst – okay, keine Wendung, nicht in diesem Kapitel, nicht wirklich. Aber vielleicht Charakterentwicklung?

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**ambertardis22**

Yay! I'm always glad to have new readers! Welcome and thank you for taking the time to review. I'm glad you're enjoying it and I will do my best to update quickly. Reviews always help *wink wink nudge nudge*

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**Marcela **

Hiya! Yep, update! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Afraid the resolution is still a bit away but yes, she can't survive in Pete's world. I'm afraid you're gonna have to wait for when I reveal all my dastardly plans *evil laugh* I would love to hear what you think of this chapter, I think the beach-resolution is about a chapter at least away. Please review!

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**Kylaia78 **

Yay, glad I managed to get the tension just right! Thank you very much for your review. Yay, the almost kiss was my favourite scene – it wasn't part of the rewrite and fun! I do hope you enjoyed this chapter as well. And thank you for all the accolades and your vote for the competition, that's very flattering. I have a fan *blush* Yay! Well, I hope you enjoyed the love confession in this scene and I'd love another review.

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**Guest ~MA**

Hi! Thank you very much for your review. I'm glad you enjoy it and think it's well written, that's a fabulous compliment. Thank you! Sorry, that sounded kinda weird. Yay, glad you enjoyed my rewrite. I promise there will be more diversions from cannon happening in the future as well as the storyline but we'll keep most of it relatively intact. I do hope you'll continue enjoying my story as we go along. Thanks again for all the flattery – I would love to hear what you think of this chapter!

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**hyperdragon97**

Hi again! I'm glad you're still reading – I wasn't sure if you didn't like one of my chapters and had dropped off, so yay! Thanks for the review! We will go well into the eleventh Doctor's run, I can tell you that much, but unfortunately I have to keep the rest under wraps and let you discover as we go along. I do hope to hear from you again! Let me know your thoughts on this latest chapter :)

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**Seralina **

Hahaha! Brilliant review, thank you! Unfortunately I never give back stolen hearts. I collect them for my stories *evil laugh* Yep, Jack will definitely have his own chat with our favourite blonde as will both Doctors; a lot of things to figure out and discuss and a lot of emotions to understand and share. I agree, it would've been nice for Jack to stay. I will say, that mine won't differ from canon in that respect at this point, but he will have his moment later on.

I love Donna, too! She's fabulous and brilliant and taking her memories was so heartbreaking; first he lost Rose and then he had to wipe the memories of his best friend who was pleading, begging him not to do it. God! How cruel!

Jackie's POV will also come, just not quite yet. Next chapter, I hope, but it depends on how much my characters run away from me again.

Anyway, I do hope you enjoyed this chapter and I would love to hear from you again, you lovely reader you!

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**TechiePandah**

Woah! O.o Tell your employer that's not on! 10 hour workshift! Well, a great, big fabulous thank you for reviewing after such an exhausting day. I truly appreciate it and I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'll definitely continue writing; no kiss just yet, though. Well, not on the lips anyway. I do apologise. Thanks for the story-teller compliment, that's very flattering and so sweet! I hope your other days have been more normalised and not quite so insane and if you can spare the time, I would absolutely love to hear from you again.

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**SeriamenEthereal **

Hi! First off, thank you for your review. And those needs are definitely things you should follow. I always appreciate someone telling me they enjoy reading my story! It's great encouragement, thank you! I'm so glad you think my idea is a bit more original rather than a recap of another already found; it's a rare thing, indeed, and I would never claim to have read enough to fully be sure of this, so thank you. That's a bit off yet, unfortunately – the power fallout with the Doctor and his realisation of what she can do. I'll give you a hint, Tentoo will find out before the 'original' Doctor. Well, I do hope you enjoyed this update. The next one is work in progress but should be with you in a few days. I'm glad you think 19k is not too long, especially as this one is cutting it pretty damn close as well. I hope it's still an enjoyable read despite the chapter length and I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter! Have a lovely day!


	15. Abandon all hope

Hi Everyone!

So, quick warning, there will be some time jumps as events are taking place concurrently; hope this will all make more sense once you get to each person. This will have POVs from Jack, Rose and the Doctor (full Time Lord). And I do hope you won't all hate me by the end of this chapter but fair warning: Abandon all hope, ye who read here.

Big shout out and thank you, as always, to my wonderful, brilliant beta, **TheCleverDoctor**, without whom I'd have been lost and her help on Jack has been, as always, invaluable!

And this chapter is dedicated to all you brilliant people who took the time to review after the last chapter:

**greeneyesCutie **

**pyro-pixiechik**

**Kylaia78**

**msschaller99 **

**50penny**

**cecilehem**

**mariontyler **

**Marcela **

**Seralina**

**Maria EduardaB**

**paradiso31**

**Guest - Silvay**

**XSunshine95X **

**SassyFrassKerr **

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Jack stared after Martha's rapidly disappearing back. He'd tried to hold her back, to stop her without giving away to the others where she was going, what she was going to do. He hadn't been on many adventures with Martha and didn't know her as well as he wanted to, but if there was one character trait which all companions of the Doctor had in common, then it was their never-ending curiosity. And he had seen it, glinting in her eyes, watching both Doctors and Rose, wanting – needing – to know more. But there had been nothing he could do without drawing attention to her plans, so he resigned himself to staying with the others, trusting that the Tardis would stop Martha if she stepped too far over the line.

But he still couldn't believe the sudden turn their adventure had taken. Instead of one, there were now two Doctors; and they looked identical, a carbon copy of one another – and both were still utterly besotted with Rose. It had been almost amusing to see the Doctor – both of them – quelling under Jackie's stern gaze and both versions of him still utterly helpless, doing whatever Rose asked of him, tracking her every movements with their eyes. Had it not been so heartbreaking, knowing that one of them would inevitably end up without the blonde woman at his side, he would have laughed out loud at the idea of both Doctors so completely under the thrall of what his last body had called 'stupid apes'; not that he'd been any different around her then.

But even in that short a space of time one thing had become evident; the Doctors were only barely tolerating each other and Rose would not be able to devote herself entirely to two men – it simply wasn't her, no matter how much she loved them. So, inevitably, one of them would be without her, would be without the healing influence of the blonde and Jack found himself dreading how broken that man would be because one way or another, he'd force Rose to choose and one of him would not like that. Because she wouldn't choose him, or he wouldn't let her choose him and Jack didn't know which was worse. The Doctor forcing Rose to make her own choice, or him trying to make his beloved choose the other version of himself, the more human one, in a false gesture of love.

Had he not had Ianto, he might have suggested taking the metacrisis with him, to Torchwood, where the Doctor would be far from Rose and his other self; besides, they could always use someone with his brilliance where saving the world was concerned. Except he knew that he loved the Doctor and it wouldn't be fair to Ianto to take his old love interest to them, even if he knew nothing could ever come of it. The Doctor, for all his flirting and teasing, had never shown even cursory interest in any female – or male – other than Rose and he'd made it abundantly clear that while he enjoyed Jack's company, it was as a friend only.

He'd known that, of course, well before the Doctor had, gruffly as always, told him almost casually as if trying to lessen the blow. Only it hadn't broken his heart because though he was nearly always capable of seducing anyone he had a vested interest in, it had taken but look at the two of them together back in the 1940's to realise he had no chance.

But still, the Time Lord was beyond impressive, brilliant and clever, someone who could run circles around him – which was, unfortunately, a rather rare quality to find in people – and Rose, well... she was Rose. Always honest, forgiving to a fault, too damn trusting for her own good, unfalteringly loyal, incredibly charming, surprisingly innocent considering she travelled with a wartorn alien and an ex-con artist and, above all else, Rose was genuine; she didn't pretend, didn't hide herself – what you saw was what you got. She was every inch the woman she'd shown herself to be and it was what had drawn him; her joy, her cheek, her very essence radiated out from her and had drawn both him and the Doctor in, like moths to a flame, utterly unable to resist the temptation even if it meant you burned when you got too close.

So yeah, he'd known he'd never have either of them, but he couldn't help but love them. Two people, so utterly convinced the other didn't love them – for how could they? – and so desperately in love with one another, with the universe, willing to give and give, to sacrifice everything for the people they loved. How could he feel anything but love for them, either of them?

It wasn't as though he loved them out of some sort of expectation; in fact, he didn't expect his feelings to ever be returned, didn't expect either of them to ever look at him the way they looked at one another. And that was okay; he didn't need them to. He'd always love them, but he also loved Ianto and Jack refused to offer a solution that would make the other man potentially rather unhappy if he could help it. That wasn't to say he wouldn't help the Doctor – either of them – or Rose, if asked, but he wouldn't volunteer his services to watch over one of them. He couldn't. Not if it meant hurting the man he loved.

Despite his words to Martha months ago, he had never seen this man, this version of the Doctor, around Rose and though he'd had no doubt his words were true, it had still taken him aback to see how much lighter he'd seemed when in her presence. And then, when they'd nearly-almost kissed, he'd thought _his_ heart had stopped even though he'd just been a, well, _relatively_ innocent bystander. He'd almost started to believe that though the tension between the two was obvious to even a blind man, they'd never take any step towards a more romantic relationship – right up until the Doctor had pulled Rose against him and sort of kissed her. But despite how long he'd waited for that moment, he couldn't help but be surprised. A part of him had always half-expected that any move to push past the current boundaries in their relationship would have to come from Rose because the Time Lord would always think of excuses, of reasons for why it shouldn't happen and the blonde was his better half in that respect, keen to enjoy every moment to its fullest. Only it hadn't and Jack thought he could see why.

This woman who'd found her way back into both their lives was not the same one he remembered; he suspected both Doctors had noticed some of the many small incongruities as well, but for the moment they were probably content to push away that niggling sensation in the back of their heads and take hold of the little bit of happiness they'd finally found which was only fair. But he couldn't do the same, couldn't ignore it.

Rose Tyler had changed.

She'd flinched from his touch, tensed when he moved too quickly, when he came near her; the Rose he knew loved touch of any kind, relished in it, needed it, and she'd always trusted him, fully. But now the only one who didn't make her cringe away was the Doctor and he wanted to know why, wanted to know what had made her so afraid of his touch when she used to seek it out.

He'd watched her, carefully, ever since he'd noticed it after that moment in the Tardis and that's why he'd seen her, had watched as she had pulled her mother into a hug and how Jackie had frozen, utter panic and fear in her eyes as she'd tried to pull back. But after a few moments and once Rose had said something which was, unfortunately, inaudible to him, Jackie had reciprocated the hug with a sort of desperation and yearning as though they hadn't hugged in months, if not years. And Mickey had behaved the same way, his every move, at first, had been geared – and still was, partly – to evade and avoid, subconsciously, Rose's touch. And he'd seen the tears shimmering in the other man's eyes, had seen the barely hidden emotion in all three of them and he didn't know what to make of it.

The Rose he knew had hugs for everyone and everything; goodbye-hugs, nice-to-see-you-again-hugs, another-successful-prison-escape-hugs, saved-the-world-hugs, reunion-hugs, thank-you-for-helping-us-hugs, good-morning-hugs, good-night-hugs and just-because-hugs. She was probably the single most contact-friendly person he'd ever met – and that included that Octopi-like female he'd met on Zyarn once... or twice but in his defence, she really knew how to use her hands. All of them.

But she'd not just changed with respect to her need to touch; rather it was only one of many things he'd noticed. There was a new shadow in her eyes, a loss of innocence, a part of her broken and splintered that made him want to find the bastards that did this to her and show them just how much an immortal being of two centuries can learn about the art of torture. He suspected the Doctor would insist on being first in line, though, because, no matter how good a moral codex the alien normally had, where Rose Tyler was concerned, Jack had long since thought that there was very little the Time Lord wouldn't be capable of, if anyone had truly harmed her.

The openly emotional part of Rose was gone – or suppressed, at least, as it shone through at times with the Doctor – and there was a darkness buried in her heart that rivalled the Doctor's, an unbearable pain that stood in stark contrast to the woman he'd known, her beautiful amber eyes filled with torment, with grief, with self-loathing he'd never known her to feel before and a quiet rage that could have subdued even the Doctor's fiercest glare.

So he knew that Rose had changed – not for the better, not grown into the woman he'd always expected her to be, but rather into a version too close to the Doctor for comfort. So many emotions he'd never expected to see in her shone in her eyes and it had taken him aback, at first at least, but now he was more determined than ever to remind her of who she had been – and could be again – to remind her of the beautiful, openhearted person she used to be; just as she'd once brought him back from the path of self-destruction, he thought it was now his time to help her.

Jack knew that though he was – or had been, once upon a time – a trusted friend, he would never be able to return her to her former self by himself alone. The Doctor would have to step up as well and he knew that as soon as the Time Lord was ready to finally accept that Rose was back in his life, he'd see what he'd seen and noticed and would call him when needed to reassure the woman they both loved, to bring her back to who she used to be, could still be.

But to bring her back, they first needed to know what had taken place, what had changed – why she had changed. He knew that Doctor had spent approximately three years without Rose, including the one that never was, but how long had it been for her?

She'd changed since he'd last seen her, but he couldn't tell how much of that time had been spent with the Doctor and how much without him, though if he went by what he'd seen of her, he would've suspected decades away, alone, decades used to break her, slowly, bit by bit and though she held herself together like someone used to not having themselves whole anymore, he refused to let her fight this fight alone, to leave her to stand among the pieces of her broken self when he could help her put herself back together.

"So," he started, a familiar leer forming on his face though his eyes remained sharp, observant, his heart aching for the people he loved, noting the reactions of Jackie and Mickey above anyone else as they were the ones he needed to interrogate. "Anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I highly doubt it," Sarah Jane said dryly, though her eyes sparkled and her lips were curling up into a sly grin and in that moment Jack once again remembered that the companions chosen by the Doctor were not just curious, but also, inevitably, really clever and this woman's reporter instinct seemed to have easily caught onto his tactics. "But, nevertheless, feel free to enlighten us. What _are_ you thinking, Jack?"

Oh, he really liked her. She really _was_ brilliant. He winked at her, his leer becoming slightly more genuine than he'd intended to as he found himself imagining for just a moment what he was suggesting; oh, what a sweet, sweet world that would be.

"That Rose is taking inordinately long for 'just talking'. And that she's alone, secluded somewhere with two versions of the man she loves. I know what _I_ would be doing if I had two of him."

Sarah Jane laughed with Donna following only moments later and he grinned in satisfaction as he watched Mickey first grimace before a reluctant smile made its way onto his face. Only Jackie remained torn between reprimanding him and an exasperated rolling of her eyes; which was only fair – it was her daughter, after all. But still, all of them were amused and their inhibitions lowered, which was how he needed them so they could casually talk about Rose and hopefully tell him why she'd changed so much from when he had last seen her.

"Rose wouldn't do that," Jackie finally said and he only barely stopped himself from focusing on her entirely, knowing it would make her uncomfortable and she'd start to think too carefully about what to say to be of much use to him.

"Oh, I wouldn't be too sure," Sarah Jane said before he could, a devious smirk on her lips, "I know I'd be tempted."

He couldn't help himself, her quick wit and teasing tone eliciting a surprised laugh from him; he really,_ really_ liked her. She was not only sharp and quick, obviously having caught onto his plan, but also interesting and he thought it a shame he hadn't ever been with her when she travelled with the Doctor; her feisty nature would've undoubtedly made their adventures just as interesting as they were with Rose.

Mickey looked faintly amused and Jackie was now laughing as well.

"I know. I came onto him, actually, first time I saw him," at this admission of Jackie's he was amused to see Rose's ex look rather ill while Sarah Jane laughed and Donna nodded slightly as though she recalled that moment as well.

Then, frowning, Jackie added, "though that was before he abducted my girl for a whole year and then dumped her in a parallel universe. Reckon a lot of stuff would've never happened, had she never met him."

And... an opening! Sarah Jane really was brilliant, getting Rose's mother to open up that quickly. Jackie was still being rather vague, but a prod here or there and Jack reckoned he'd have her at least telling him bits and pieces about why her daughter had changed so much.

"From what I understand, he didn't want to leave her but he couldn't get her back," he said gently, trying to seem as if he was merely curious in her answer with no other vested interest in her response.

"Oh, is that what himself said?" There was an undercurrent of anger, but mainly she sounded bitter. "Well, he damn well tried to dump her in that parallel world and had it not been for Rose making her way back to him, he probably would've never even tried to get her back or say goodbye. My daughter chose him over me and-" Jackie paused momentarily, a tired laugh escaping her and rubbing her eyes as she tried to control her conflicting emotions. "And that's okay. I understand that, of sorts, after all she would've been happier had she stayed here. But how could he ever have left her behind? How could he send her to that other world with us? Does he even know how much she struggled, how much she hurt? How many times she broke down? How often she nearly died? What gruesome, horrible things she went through in all those worlds on her way to him? Why couldn't he have helped her? Let her stay here? At least she would've been safe!"

For a moment, he regretted pushing her; though she'd still not revealed any details, she'd told him more than she wanted to about what had happened to Rose. Something had changed and the parallel worlds had forced her through an experience her mother rather she didn't have to go through.

Sarah Jane acted before anyone else, easily striding across the room and taking the other woman into her arms, consoling her, leaving him to look at Donna for an explanation.

"What would possess him to ever leave her behind? The Doctor I know could never leave her behind."

"Not unless her life was at risk," the redhead corrected him gently and he had to concede to that, remembering all the times the Doctor had tried to send her back to his ship and how the blonde had ignored him, every time, choosing to stay with him despite the danger until he gave in.

"He did try to send her to the other world," Donna confirmed, "but only because he was scared of her being sucked into the void. The Void is... Well, it's the space between parallel worlds. It's empty. No time vortex – it's nowhere and everywhere, it's a space where every second is a millennium and every millennium, a second. Time has no meaning. It's what his people and many others across the universes would've called hell; there's no touch, no smell, no sense of existence in any way we can understand. And he was scared she would land there, that she would be sucked into that place along with all the Daleks and Cybermen. Had it not been for her father's rescue at the last minute, she would've been there. He hated it, hated leaving her, hated himself for doing it, but he saw no other option, had no other choice; that way, he thought, she could've at least been with her family, made a life for herself, found happiness along the way. It's also why he said goodbye. Sarah Jane told him she'd spent years waiting and he didn't want Rose to do the same, didn't want her to wait for something that never could – or would – happen."

Jack closed his eyes for a moment, his heart aching, knowing how hard it must've been for the Doctor to send her away in the first place only for her to come back and still be ripped away from him just when he would have started to hope. And Rose – Jack knew he'd only scratched the surface of how often the world had come under threat by one alien race or another. He'd never let himself dwell too long on what his planet would've ended up like, had they succeeded, though now he suspected he wouldn't have to. Rose would have the answer to the question he'd never dared to pose.

Jackie would probably not have details either; the blonde he knew would've kept her mother from ever finding out the true horrors, the details, giving only blanket statements if that. So for her to even know this much, something had to have happened. Rose must've been under so much stress, in so much pain, that she needed to open up to someone – anyone.

"How long has it been since you last touched one another?" The time for subtlety was long past and he ignored the hidden warning in Sarah Jane's eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Mickey asserted, eyes firm and refusing to give an inch though he didn't know how much older Jack was now; he had always been aware of people, of body language but two centuries had honed his skill to near-perfection. So he could see the barely hidden tension, the hands clenched too tightly, the slightest narrowing of the eyes, the gritted teeth and the barely veiled look of concern he gave Jackie.

"Oh, you know what I'm talking about. Jackie was _afraid_ when Rose hugged her, genuinely afraid and panicked. And you were near tears. _That_ is not normal," he stared at them, evaluating, analysing every minute movement, every tell, needing to know so he could help her, could help Rose and he refused to feel guilty for making them uncomfortable; if that's all it took, it was a price he was willing to pay to know how to make her happy again.

"We were just happy to have survived," Mickey said firmly before Jackie had a chance to speak up.

"No, it's more than that. A lot more. There's something you're not telling us, either of you. And I'm sorry, but this is about Rose and I have very little patience where she is concerned, so the kid gloves are coming off," he warned them, voice dark. He had been through two world wars, he'd been tortured, he'd killed and today he had seen that same darkness he saw in his own eyes and in the Doctor's in Rose's and that was not acceptable. Not her. Never her.

So even though this was Rose's mum and her ex-boyfriend, he could no longer go easy on them. Not if they refused to help him, to help her, not if they had remained mute for so long and allowed that darkness inside her to fester, not if they had done nothing he could see to help her.

"TELL ME!" He roared, using his height to tower of them, to intimidate them, hating himself and yet knowing that he'd do it all over again if they would just _tell _him. "What _happened_ to her? What happened to Rose?"

To his surprise it wasn't Mickey or Sarah Jane or even Donna who stood up to him; it was Jackie. Wiping her tears off her face, eyes narrowed and hands on her hips though just as he could tell her confidence was faked, he knew her indignation was not and he couldn't help but admire her slightly and for the first time he understood where Rose had gotten her courage from.

"My daughter will tell you if and when she wants to," Jackie asserted steadfastly, voice low and eyes narrowed at him, and despite the tear tracks on her cheek he couldn't help but feel like she'd make a formidable opponent, rather reminiscent of Rose and her defensive nature where those she loved were concerned. "I, for one, am not going to tell you a damn thing."

"Can't you see that the time to keep her secrets is long gone? Can't you see how much she's hurting? How much she needs us, needs help? And yet you _still_ refuse to speak up and help her?!"

He hadn't even seen it coming but the next moment his head was thrown sideways as he for the first time ever suffered Jackie's wrath and his cheek exploded with heat and pain. Jack found himself cracking his jaw slightly as if to make sure everything was still in place, blinking in surprise at the sheer force behind the slap and, for a moment, truly pitied the Doctor; undoubtedly this version of him had an unstoppable gob on him with his tact still edging on non-existent and his rather clever brain still lagging at least a step behind everything that came out of his mouth – well, all of that inevitably meant that he had and would probably keep on aggravating Rose's mother to the point of no return and if this slap was anything to go by, he'd truly come to regret ever opening his mouth.

"How _dare_ you tell me I don't care! _I love her_! _I _was the one who picked up the pieces when you were all gone and she was stuck with us, with me, in a world she didn't belong!"

Curious, he noted, a world where 'she' didn't belong, implying that both Mickey and Jackie did but not Rose. Something which meant more than just latent feelings for the Doctor, but rather something more serious?

"I spent months upon months at her side before she ever even remembered that I was her mother! How dare you tell me I don't care! I care more than you ever will. Rose is my daughter! Mine! And I would never betray her confidence, would never tell you; she is- she is _old, _old enough to make her own bloody decisions and you had better be ready to wait until she is good and ready to share them with you."

Jackie was breathing hard, her entire body tense with anger and Mickey was the only one who looked even remotely guilty about keeping his mouth shut, though he now suspected that the boy knew less than her mother did which came as a surprise; though, having seen how hard she pushed back, Jack thought he could see how she came to know so much. It was obvious that she had pushed Rose until the girl had confessed whatever had changed in her, or at least some of it.

Sarah Jane looked as curious as he felt and Donna looked torn; an emotion he thought he could understand. She had all the Doctor's memories and knowledge but not his feelings, meaning as far as she was concerned, she'd not had time to develop an emotion with regards to the blonde, protective or otherwise, yet her memories told her differently. He wasn't sure how long she could hold out; humans weren't meant to hold that many memories, that much knowledge and he feared what it would do the vivacious redhead who, even now, kept reaching for her head periodically as if she was in great pain.

But Jackie had revealed rather more than she wanted to – the bit about her not remembering her own mother; metaphorically speaking? Rose had run away? Seemed unlikely and rather out-of-character for the woman he knew, but not necessarily impossible. And if not, what did that mean? She'd had memory loss? Humans could, in trauma, forget parts of their past... but traumatic enough to make Rose forget who her mother was? That seemed rather severe and surprising; so even less likely... or was it?

And what about the emphasis Jackie had placed on 'old'? The woman he'd seen was maybe 22, 24 tops. Not something that qualified as old; but then again he looked younger than his years as did the Doctor. Had something happened to her? Was she older than she looked? But then again, Mickey didn't look as though he'd aged significantly. Maybe 3-4 years older than when he'd last seen him but none of those would explain Jackie's reaction or her words.

Before he could assuage her – or antagonise, he hadn't quite made up his mind as to which would be more effective – the metacrisis strolled in, only to come to a dead stop, staring at them all. The air was tense, Jackie looked like she'd been crying and was obviously in a rage, Mickey angry, Donna confused and Sarah Jane in between the two and him, obviously, in a confronting stance before them. Great. Just what they needed.

"What's going on?" The Doctor's voice was sharp, his eyes narrowed and mostly at him, undoubtedly having picked him out as the likely instigator – correctly, in this case.

Before he could open his mouth and say something – what, he wasn't sure yet – Jackie spoke up, covering for him to his surprise.

"He told me I look old. I don't look old, do I, Doctor?"

Oh, well done. He had to hand it to her; she was good at covering up when she needed to be and obviously had no intention of forcing the Doctor to confront the differences in his blonde companion – unfortunately, Jack agreed with her on this occasion. Leave them to their happy bliss for as long as it lasted, anyway. He gave a short nod to Jackie, acknowledging her decision and his intention of going along with her plan.

Besides, it was always amusing the watch the Doctor quite so panic-stricken, eyes flitting this way and that, tongue-tied as he obviously sought a solution to a question where, most probably, any of his answers were going to land him in trouble; and not the kind of trouble he normally enjoyed.

* * *

When he'd requested she repeat her words from that day, she hadn't known what to do at first. It had been years since that day on the beach for her, decades even, and while her feelings for him hadn't changed, he no longer knew her, didn't know who she'd become, what she'd done and Rose hadn't been sure if she still had a right to him, a right to say those words, to declare her feelings. But then she had seen the desperation, his longing, his self-loathing, his uncertainty and she hadn't been able to help herself. Even if she had changed, even if they did reject her, both of them, she wanted him to know, just as she had back then, wanted him to understand that he would never be alone, never be unloved, never be beyond forgiveness, not for her.

And then he'd said them, those wonderful, beautiful, terrible words. I love you. He'd said them and she'd noticed – of course she'd noticed – the trembling hands, the warmth in his voice, the affection he didn't bother hiding and she'd known then that he meant them and she cursed that dreaded day once more, that day where she'd decided to look into the Tardis; for if she had died, even if it had been a parallel world, at least she would've died as the Rose Tyler the Doctor knew, the one he loved. Not this, not the person she'd become, this warped, twisted person who handled weapons with ease and killed her own kind.

She had been forced to blink back the tears, the pain, the sorrow, and deliberately misspoke, unsure what she was saying but knowing that they needed some levity, some humor, anything to distract her from confessing to him – to them – right then and there about everything she'd done, everything that burdened her. He didn't deserve that. He deserved better. But then again, that was the problem, wasn't it? Out of all of time and space, all the species spread out across the stars, he had apparently chosen her and yet how could he ever love her now that she was the epitome of everything he hated? Well, maybe not epitome – she wasn't a Dalek after all – but close enough. The man who hated weapons, hated guns, just as Davros had said and what else was she, if not a weapon?

Yet instead she'd told him how much she loved him, would always love him, hoping that at least that would soothe his pain away, would heal some of the darkness, some of the bitterness he always hid away deep inside of himself, hoping that he would carry that knowledge wherever he went if they were to be separated after all; that maybe he'd never get to find out how far she'd gone, how far she'd fallen, and it would bring him some consolation at least.

It was still hard to fathom that he'd ever asked her what she wanted in return for her affections; it wasn't because he didn't believe in unconditional love – she knew he believed – but rather it was because he didn't think himself worthy of it.

She knew he didn't quite understand that even if there were a hundred thousand Time Lords and a hundred thousand Tardises offering them the same thing he did, that all of his companions would choose him, every time. He didn't understand that yes, they all enjoyed the adventure, the discovery, the excitement and adrenaline and a million other new things, but that they all also loved him. The Doctor; the one man saving the entire universe, every world, all by himself.

Except he could no longer see his own good sides, everything drowned out by the cacophony of screams in his head. She knew he believed himself to be beyond saving and refused to see what everyone else saw in him; his determination, his strength of will and his unbending refusal to give up or give in, but instead fighting for what he believed in with every ounce of strength he had to give.

It was inspiring, it was amazing, breathtaking even, and Rose understood completely why so many had chosen to accompany him or help him and also why so many had sacrificed themselves so he could live. A man so desperate, so lonely and yet never faltering, never stopping, for millennia carrying on when no one else did, caring where no one else would. He carried the hopes of the entire universe on his shoulder, all their lives in all of time and across the entirety of space and yet he didn't bend, didn't break. He inspired fear and awe in nearly equal amounts across the universe but all he could see was the darkness, not the light and so she told him, tried to convince him that no matter what he had done, no matter what he would do, he would never ever be able to lose her; not her faith and definitely not her love.

She saw it, the moment he actually started to believe her, started to understand what she felt, what she was offering him, started to understand that she would not shy away from him, would not rebuff him, would not doubt him or loathe him for any of his choices. And her own heart lightened when she saw the darkness fade a bit, the incredulousness make way for gratitude and when he finally allowed himself to accept everything she was offering.

The moment he latched onto her, pressing her body against him tightly with such strength and yet taking care not to hurt her, she noticed how his every action was laced with desperation as if, until now, he'd still thought she'd disappear on him, would fade away beneath his touch. So she'd allowed him to hold her and reciprocated the hug, unable to completely will away her own desperation at how much she'd missed his touch, his affection and her dark thoughts on what his reactions to her choices would be.

He was forgiving with his enemies because he didn't expect any different; but he did from his friends, his companions. He held them up to the highest of standards and her more so than most; and she'd failed him, irrevocably failed both of him in ways she doubted he could ever forgive. How would he ever look at her once he found out? With hate? With despair? With regret or guilt? With dread or with loathing? Would there still be that spark of recognition in his eyes? Would there still be that underlying warmth, that affection, or would he look at her like a stranger? Or, worse, an enemy, someone who needed to be stopped?

Rose had missed it, that casual affection, but even Jake's hugs and now Jack's and Sarah Jane's had never been able to fill that void inside her, had never been able to console her, to lend her strength, to make her feel at home. He did; especially his full Time Lord self. From the very beginning, she'd grown accustomed to it with surprising ease – to this beautiful, wonderful alien, who, no matter what face he wore, still always smelled mostly the same, felt the same; not his body per se as it changed with regeneration, but rather his barely hidden strength, the tension in his frame and yet his careful way of holding her as if he was afraid to break her, his concern and his affection for her evident, the way he always seemed to buzz with energy, with power, just beneath the surface and yet so content to stay still in her arms, to stop running, to enjoy the moment and then there was that intoxicating smell of time, of Doctor, that seemed to always soothe away all her pains, all her nightmares and fears, as if his sheer presence was enough to keep everything at bay.

She loved how he didn't feel like anyone else when they touched, how the Doctor's temperature was always several degrees below hers, how despite the chill from his body, he could make her feel so warm, her skin fairly humming underneath his touch the way it always did, had always done. She loved looking in his eyes, both of them, how they never shielded themselves from her, not fully, as if his feelings, his emotions, were overflowing past his barriers and refused to be suppressed; the way his dark brown eyes looked at her like _she_ was the amazing one out of the two of them, as though she'd been the one to save him, as if she was his answer to everything.

Then, suddenly, she remembered that there were two, that the man in her arms was now two and that she had, unintentionally, ignored the other man, the half-human one. And yet despite it all, his metacrisis had given them both all this time to work it out even though he had, undoubtedly, felt the same and needed the same reassurances, the same words, needed to know that she loved him just as much.

But he still deserved to hear it, to know that she understood that he was still the Doctor, both of them were. A new, new, new Doctor, but the Doctor nonetheless, because it had never been the body or its capabilities that made him the Doctor but rather who he was, his personality, his feelings, his mind, his determination. To her, the Doctor, no matter which form he took, was a remarkable man; half-human or not.

"**I love you,**" Rose said, her hand stretched out towards the metacrisis – his already within reach as if anticipating her manoeuvres, the same way they always did, always reaching for another as if they knew what the other was doing before the action was ever taken. His hand was notably warmer than the Time Lords, almost fully matching her own, she noted absently as she allowed her fingers to curl around his.

The lips of the other Doctor, his half-human self, curled up and he gave her a warm smile, hesitating for but a moment on his response, before he simply said her name – the same way he always said it when he was proud of her, when he could not contain his affection for her; as if he revered her, as if her name was the single most important word in the universe, as if she was his reason for everything, as if her name was invocation, a prayer and Rose could not help but shiver slightly in response as his tongue curled lovingly around each syllable, caressing it, and for the first time she realised how much she'd missed hearing it, hearing her own name instead of another that she'd adopted on her travels.

"_Rose Tyler._"

And it was enough; if that was all she'd ever receive, then it was enough, more than enough. No one had ever looked at her like he did; not in decades and decades of travel had anyone ever looked at her like that and she wanted to bask in it, just for a little bit longer.

But the song was getting louder and louder, the Tardis more and more insistent that Rose talk to her. Not soon, not in a bit, but now. When, for the third time in the space of a minute, the ship's melody increased, she could no longer hold back a wince. Both Doctors, immediately alerted to her pain, to her body tensing ever so slightly, looked at her with concern, frowning, trying to discern where and who was hurting her.

And then the song got louder yet again and Rose's brows furrowed, her hands automatically going to her head as if to somehow avert the pain though she knew it would be futile; it wasn't physical, it was the Tardis' song transmitting along their connection and all the mental fortitude in the world could not cap that bond.

"Here, I can-"

Hands went near her temple and the world around her faded and narrowed until all she could see was the hands in her personal space, hands that reached for her temple, her head, her memories, her feelings and every secret she held that had to be kept – at any cost, at all cost.

Rose flinched violently, jerking away, scrambling backwards, not caring just as long as it took her away from the danger, the hands that threatened to take away all she held precious, that threatened to rip away her feelings and memories of the man she loved, that threatened to tear her apart and twist her, twist her until she was their tool, until she was obedient, until their world was all she could see.

And she refused; not again.

Rose panicked.

Unadulterated fear rushed through her core, her veins, every part of her until she could scarcely breathe, her body trembling from what it knew was coming and her mind rushing to defend itself despite knowing how futile the action was; without someone to teach her, she could only learn so much. But at least she could hinder them, could make delay them; even if it was only for a few short hours, maybe it would be enough, maybe it would give him – them – time to run. And so she flung all her power behind strengthening her mental barricades, enclosing everything she was, everything she held dear and her memories, locking herself away to the best of her ability in the few seconds she had to spare.

Her fear had given way to utter terror and Rose had long since relinquished control over her body, knowing she would be unable to control its movements as it curled in on itself, trembling, eyes wide and fixed on their attacker.

And yet, despite the fact she'd never allowed her eyes to leave them, it still took another few precious seconds before her brain actually processed the information, her visual cortex informing her that the two people in front of her were, in fact, the Doctor. And her emotions, her memories, informed her that this man, either of them, would never hurt her, not at this stage where they thought her innocent at least.

Slowly she released her hold on her knees, tried to force her body to stop trembling, tried to let go of the fear and panic still clawing at her heart, to show him she really was okay even when she wasn't, afraid of how much he could already tell, how easy he found it to read her even when she was not providing him with so much evidence of how not-alright she really was.

And so, despite the way hear heart was racing, despite how tight her throat was with tears of both dread and relief trying to force their way past, Rose slowly moved back towards him, towards both of him, her mind trusting them even when her heart still quaked with uncertainty. The adrenaline in her system was still urging her to run, to flee, far away from the danger but she ignored it, ignored all the alarm bells ringing in her mind and her heart, knowing that she really could trust the Doctor, both versions of him, and refusing to give into her body's response.

And he noticed, he saw, the same way he always did, analysing, watching her every move, every word she said and left unsaid, every action she took and she knew that he suspected, at the very least, that someone had forcefully invaded her mind before; how could he not when her every action had been so automatic, her body and mind responding to a threat they recognised before rational thought reasserted itself. Never before had she responded so violently to his offers to look into her mind, to help her.

And, ever so slowly, she became aware of his voice, his words, her heartbeat gradually resuming a more even pace as she allowed him to soothe her, gently edging her body closer to him again. And he was clever enough to not have followed her, his hands up in a placating manner, watching her as one would a wild animal, cautious and every action designed to quell her fears, to calm her, to allow her room to make her way back to him rather than backing her into a corner.

"See? Nothing to be afraid of, Rose. You know I'd never hurt you, don't you? ... I'm right here, see? Not moving. I'm just gonna stay right here and whenever you feel like it, you can come back to me... I would never hurt you, never. You can trust me. You are safe. You are with me, two of me, inside the Tardis. And I would never allow anyone to touch you as long as I'm here; but you know that, don't you? I'll protect you. That's it. Come to me, Rose. Don't rush it. I'll still be here, no need to force yourself, no need to rush. I will wait for you. Don't panic. I'm not running and I won't leave you. Just come to when you're ready. Trust me. I will protect you, I'll make sure no one can ever hurt you again. Oh Rose, my wonderful, precious Rose."

The Doctor swallowed hard, trying to suppress his guilt, his need to apologise, she knew, because he was aware that any reminder of what had happened to her would not be beneficial right at this moment.

"Nearly there," he encouraged again, eyes warm and tender as he looked at her, cautiously, ever so slowly stretching his hand out towards her, trying not to startle her, "there we go, Rose. I'm right here. Come to me. I'll protect you. You can trust me. And you do, don't you? Always trusting me, no matter what harebrained scheme I've come up with."

She felt her lips twitch and could see the relief that spread across his face at the first palpable reaction to his words, a gratified smile spreading across his face as she reached out with her own hand towards him.

"That's it. Good girl. Just a couple of inches more. You can do it. There's no need to rush yourself, just know that I'm here for you. Right here. Not going anywhere."

His hand was cool against her own but oh-so-familiar and it gave her the small jolt of reality she'd needed, the small but instinctual feeling and understanding that this really was him, that this was not a dream or an elaborate fantasy her mind had created. Her hand tightened around his to the point of pain, her eyes wide as she stared at him but he refused to wince, to show pain or fear or look at her with anything other than affection and trust, promising her that safety she'd been yearning for over the last few decades.

Rose couldn't stop the tears this time, relief tightening her throat and flooding her heart as she fairly flew into his arms. He gave her a moment before the Doctor's arms cautiously inched across her back, holding her to him, tightening fractionally around her when she showed no signs of fear, ensconcing her in the safety of his arms before dropping relieved kisses on top of her head and she closed her eyes, soaking up the comfort and protection he provided her with.

She allowed herself a few moments with her eyes closed and half-buried against his neck, her tears soaking his shirt, before she slowly leaned back against his arms, allowing his strength to support her, so she could see his face, his eyes, so she could understand just how much he knew – or had guessed. She needed to do some damage control and figure out if she was too late to hide some of the things that had happened to her.

Her lips unwillingly formed a weak smile when, rather than letting her go in the presumption that she needed space, the Doctor, as always, knew her well enough – and could read her well enough – to know that she didn't want to leave the safety of his arms, that she just wanted to see him, to look at him. His arms remained where they were, on her back, lending her his support and his strength, keeping her as close as he could while still being able to see each other.

"Thank you," she simply said, her voice hoarse and drawn from her tears and the exhaustion now pulling at her as well. The Tardis' song had quietened, a light melody in the back of her mind rather than an ever-louder crescendo forcing her into action; the ship was giving her the time she needed to recover and Rose couldn't have been more grateful to either of them for giving her exactly what she needed without her ever having to voice any of it. The metacrisis was at their side, one arm carefully placed around her waist, reassuring her of their presence, their protection, without words.

A gentle, slightly wry smile curved the Time Lord's lips upwards. "You're quite welcome."

But his brown eyes were dark, hooded, filled with grief, with sorrow and a quiet rage that had her heart stopping for one second before Rose realised that, for now at least, it was not directed at her but rather at whoever had done this to her. He knew, then. She shouldn't have expected any less and she hadn't, not really, but she'd hoped. Hoped that somehow he would've missed or misinterpreted the signs, though it had been a fool's hope from the start. He'd always been able to read her and she'd given him enough clues that a blind man could've seen the origin of her fears.

With a muted sigh she gave him a weak smile – more like a twitching of her lips – trying to reassure him that she was alright again, now that she was here and now that he was holding her. The Doctor gave a short look to the man at her side and she felt the arm around her waist tightening imperceptibly, allowing her body to still lean fully against them, his strength holding her up, holding her in place, as the Time Lord gently removed one of his arms from behind her back, his hand caressing her on its journey towards her neck though she knew his real intention was simply to keep contact so she could tell what he was doing and wouldn't be frightened.

"I'm not-" he started, but she interrupted him.

"'s okay, Doctor. I trust you."

This time, her smile was full and real, her heart filled with nothing but love, complete, utter love and her own unfailing trust in him, in the Doctor, in the fact that he would never hurt her, would never willingly do anything to cause her pain. Relief shone in his eyes and as his hand slowly travelled up her neck to her face she allowed her eyes to flutter close, angling her head to the side slightly – but not to hinder his journey towards her face but rather to prolong the exquisite sensations he was so skilled in evoking in her even with something as simple as his touch.

By the time his hand cupped her cheek gently, her heart was racing again – not in fear though, not now that every part of her was so very, _very_ aware of the two men holding her, but rather in response to her longing, the adrenaline still rushing through her system fuelling her innate desire until Rose thought her skin was on fire, the aching need inside her soothed only by his cool skin as she sought out his touch, his every move only making her want more, _crave_ more, a pleasant tingling sensation spreading wherever their bodies touched, almost like a current forming between his body and hers. The roughness of his thumb was a pleasant contrast to the soft skin of her cheek as it burned beneath his touch, a fire alit in her that refused to be soothed; she allowed her face to follow his touch, leaning into his hand, needing, wanting, every inch of her body _yearning_ – for him, for more.

Then his hand went further upward, resting against her temple gently and for a second, her heart stopped and her body tensed though Rose refused to give into the slightest bit of panic stirring in her heart. But nothing happened. No spark, no touch, no mental presence, her mind left undisturbed, and after a moment, his hand moved on, gliding through her hair, stroking the shell of her ear, luring her to give in, to relax, to let the other feelings he invoked in her take precedence again.

And, with a pleased sigh, she did, her head relaxing as her neck muscles and shoulder muscles did, allowing the rest of her body to follow suit. Rose kept her eyes closed, wondering, partly, how far he would go and knowing at the same time that nothing would ever take place; not while there were two of him, not before the problem with Donna was sorted, not before Jackie was back in the other world – and not before she'd told him what had happened. Although she knew all that, her mind refused to believe, her imagination spinning vivid dreams as his every touch left her wanting more.

"Rose," he said, softly, and she opened her eyes only to find a mute apology in his for not allowing her to forget, for not allowing them to succumb to their desires and she just smiled in response, silently telling him that it was okay, that she hadn't expected any less. They rarely needed words to communicate and it seemed even all that time apart hadn't changed it as the Doctor smiled gently in response to her nonverbal reassurance.

"Rose," his metacrisis spoke up and she tilted her head lazily in his direction, desire still running hot through her veins despite the fact that he'd never take it further, and she knew he could still see it, read it in her eyes – and probably her body – when a tiny almost self-satisfied smirk curled at the corner of his lips, his eyes crinkling ever so slightly.

But just as suddenly as the smirk had come, it disappeared and he became serious again. Her Time Lord in the mean time had moved his hand to her arm, caressing it through the thin fabric, drawing words in his language on her forearm, soothing the fire, the ache inside of her silently, allowing her to simply enjoy the touches, the contact between them without her body being tense, half-expecting something that would never come.

"Did some-," he broke off and she noted the tension in his jaw, the anger glinting in his eyes, the way his arm around her waist tightened involuntarily as he tried to hold himself back. Even half-human, half-Time Lord with that little bit of Donna mixed in, he hadn't changed, all his nonverbal cues which she'd learned over her time with him just as evident in this him as they were in the full Time Lord.

"There are many telepathic species spread across the universe," he finally started again, his voice taking on that familiar lecturing tone as it always did when he was showing off, explaining something new to her, but she could still hear the way he forced himself to speak slowly, the slight sharpness as his tongue wrapped itself around every word, his fury evident to her where she doubted many would have seen anything but what he wanted them to.

"And while all telepathic societies have different rules, there are some common denominators among all of them. Things like you don't project your feelings or your thoughts and among people like mine – who would be classified as touch telepaths by the way – contact was extremely limited as well. No displays of affection, overt or otherwise, no shaking hands to greet one another and never mind holding hands or hugging; not that anyone would want to hug them – bunch of old codgers that they were, utterly set in their ways."

That elicited a bright grin from her just as he'd undoubtedly intended, his eyes twinkling slightly and the tension in his face easing ever so slightly.

"But there was one rule which every telepathic society had in common," he finally said and the tension was back, his eyes narrowed and dark, his rage simmering just below the surface, "and that was that you didn't go into anyone's - _anyone's – _mind uninvited, telepath or not telepath."

His free hand closed around hers, reassuring her, lending her his strength as he continued, knowing he was hurting her, ripping away at fresh wounds which had not faded in the decades past, had never scabbed over, and knowing that she needed to hear him say it, nevertheless.

"To enter someone's mind without their consent is not just tantamount to r-" he cut himself off, forcing his breath out between clenched teeth as he tried to retain his self-control, tried to stop himself from wanting to not just kill whoever had harmed her, but also to stop himself from allowing her to forget, knowing it would solve nothing and would only hurt her further in the long run if it remained a secret.

Another deep breath and then he continued, "it's _worse_. As horrifying as it is, one you _can_ recover from. The other... when someone invades your mind like that, they can implant suggestions, they can hide memories, twist and associate different feelings with them – they can wipe your entire mind and still make you like them, never knowing what happened to you, what they took from you, what they made you. And you can't fix it yourself; you need another telepath to go into your mind, to help you rebuild, to identify what's you and what's not. But, as you can imagine, trusting someone after... after _that_ is difficult and few can still open their minds to someone else, their hearts. Mainly because you can't tell what's real and what's not anymore. Few have ever been coherent again and even less have ever been able to handle any kind of telepath around them afterwards; most were lost. First they lost their mind and then their body followed soon after. And... And when someone- when someone did that,_ every_ society sentences them to death; because they didn't just take a life, but to do something like this- they changed what makes that person who they are. There is no going back, not really, and so the punishment is accordingly... But, Rose, you..."

There was so much grief, so much pain in his eyes and she knew they were but a reflection of her own. But despite the way her heart throbbed, her every breath laced with pain, reminding her of what happened, she couldn't help but wish that she could take his away, that she could stop the Doctor, her Doctor, both of them, from looking like they were in so much agony, so sad, for her. She was okay. She had survived – and yet he looked as though he'd lost her.

"Did someone...?" He swallowed and she noticed the sheen of the tears in his eyes, the trembling of his hands, the convulsive swallowing as he tried to form words, tried to calm her, help her and she couldn't help but smile softly, sadly, and it seemed to be the answer he had dreaded and yet all the answer he needed, his eyes closing for a moment, tears running down his face as he allowed his forehead to touch her own.

Rose refused to give in, her hand running soothingly over the hand from the half-human Doctor at her waist and her other around the shoulders of the man in front of her, hoping to tell them that it was okay, that she was alright, even if she did not yet have the words for it.

To hear his words, to see and feel just how broken he was over something that had happened to her, something which she'd feared his judgment for – after all, shouldn't she have held out longer? Shouldn't she have known and not fallen headfirst into their trap? – took away some of her own pain and she refused to allow the rest of it to overwhelm her, refused to give into her sorrow and her anger, her desperation and the loss of something she'd never known she'd had. Unfailing trust, blind faith; because she hadn't been able to, after that experience, look at others without that tiny hint of suspicion, that niggle in the back of her mind that everyone had ulterior motives, no matter what they said.

When his eyes opened again, his face was still just mere inches from her own, the cool skin of his forehead touching her own, calming the furore of emotions inside of her, his brown eyes on hers a soothing balm for her own fears and doubts.

"I'm sorry."

That, at least, she did have an answer for though she couldn't help but feel confused by the apology; what did he have to apologise for, after all?

"It wasn't your fault, Doctor. You weren't even there."

He flinched at her words and all of a sudden, his apology started to make sense.

"I don't blame you, Doctor," she started, holding eye contact with him even as he moved a tiny distance away so she could see his expression better, leaving her momentarily bereft and her face too warm, "you had no way of knowing it was going to happen and no way of protecting me. You already carry so much guilt around with you, Doctor, and I don't ever want you to feel guilty about anything that happened to me or that I did. My choices, remember?"

"I think," he said, a slow smile curving his lips gently upwards, though his eyes remained hooded, "I'm supposed to make you feel better, not the other way around."

"It's alright, Doctor."

"No," he disputed, his voice low and dark, eyes filled with sorrow and rage, "it's not alright. It will never be alright again. This isn't just something you get over, Rose."

"No," she agreed, her own voice slightly hoarse with suppressed tears, "it isn't."

"Tell me who did this, who did this to you?" His rage had only mounted at her quiet acquiescence but there was a desperation, a need to make it all better, to take away her pain and make whoever had done this to her, pay, to wipe them out of existence so she could be certain they would never come after her again. He didn't yet know that she'd already done that.

"What are you going to do?" she asked, her heart quivering with the need for reassurance and yet her mind reminded her that there was nothing he _could_ do, nor anything he needed to do.

"I'm going to find them and then I am going to make them pay for what they did to you." His voice shook with emotions, one of the few times he allowed them to shine through and she couldn't help but note that he was now advocating the very action he'd condemned his metacrisis for.

"There's nothing you _can_ do," she told him instead, trying to fix both men with her eyes. "Besides, you're in the wrong universe for that," she reminded them.

"Then I'll go to the right one," he asserted firmly, not one to be deterred by simple facts; that one almost elicited a true smile from her, but the pain was still too close to her heart, the topic of discussion still able to tear her mind and heart apart, so she just tilted her head slightly, her mind reaching out and analysing the cracks in between the universes which were slowly healing, closing up one by one.

"Okay," she admitted, "that is still possible, but I don't think you'd find your way back here in time."

"Why won't you tell me?" he questioned, frustrated, though he never allowed it to carry over into his actions, his hands on her remaining soft and careful.

"Because I think you wouldn't care. I think you'd even seek them out here, in this world, and you'd punish them for something they never did."

The Time Lord grimaced for a second and the metacrisis averted his eyes for a moment, telling her all she needed to know, though he denied it, "I wouldn't punish them if they hadn't done anything."

"No," she confirmed, "you'd stalk them all through time and you'd find out if they've ever so much as contemplated taking anything you deem not right, searching for something – anything – to condemn them with."

For a moment she was tempted to add 'am I right' to her words, but she'd never needed to confirm her words; he would be confirmation enough, whether he wanted to or not. His jaw tightened, the muscle in his face spasmed and that right there was all the acknowledgment she needed to know she had predicted his actions correctly.

"It's done," she told him, before turning to the metacrisis at her side, "there's nothing you can do. Either of you. They will never hurt me again, trust me."

A bitter laugh came from the half-human Doctor and the full Time Lord pressed a kiss to her forehead, a wry smile on his lips.

"Rose Tyler." Her name was spoken with a mix of exasperation and fondness. "How does every conversation with you go so pear-shaped? I'm pretty sure that _I _am meant to reassure _you_ that this won't be happening again..."

The smile on his face faded, replaced by earnestness and a fierceness that took her breath away. "And it won't. I won't let it, not ever. I will _always_ watch over you, I will never let you out of my sight again and I will not ever leave you unprotected. _Never again_!"

His eyes were firm and she knew he believed, at least for the moment, fully in what he was saying but she couldn't help but smile sadly in response.

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Doctor."

First he looked confused but then hurt took its place, his brown eyes filled with it as he looked at her, looking so lonely she wished she'd held back and not told him what she thought.

"You don't believe me." he breathed, his words both a question and a statement all at once and she knew she'd hurt him – though that hadn't been her intention, had never been what she wanted.

"I'll always trust you, Doctor," she tried to reassure him but he shook his head in denial and her body tensed as he removed his hands from her, leaving her longing for him though she refused to admit it, refused to show him just how much she needed his support right now.

"No, no, you don't. You just said-"

"I know what I said," Rose cut him off, the tiniest stirrings of anger inside her at his callous disregard for her emotions, "all I'm saying is that you can't control the universe – not this one and not the next. You _can't_ assure me that nothing will happen to me, because it very well _could_. And I have never asked you to lie to me and I'm not starting now. I know reality, I know the dangers of this life, of our life, and I refuse to be coddled or sheltered. So no, you cannot promise me that this will never happen again."

There was a finality to her words and both Doctors were staring at her, looking confused and upset but, above all else, they looked at her in awe, an emotion she didn't know how to place. Her heart was still angry, her body still felt bereft of his touch and the Tardis was still urging her to talk with her, so Rose didn't take the time to find out what he was thinking, didn't take the time to think over her words and just told him what she felt, what she had wanted from him.

"However, what you could have promised me is that you will do your best to ensure this never happens, and that is all I would ever ask from you. I would never ask you to keep me safe – I'd probably hate that, actually – and neither would I ever ask you to ensure my survival or my health above everyone else's. I've told you before, and I'll tell you again; if it comes down to a choice of me or the world, me or the universe, I'd always want you to choose them. I know, I know, you'll find at least a hundred different ways other than following someone's ultimatum, but if you _can't_, if there is _nothing else,_ then I would _never _want you to choose me. The universe needs the Doctor and however much I want to stay at your side, we both know that all I can ever give you is as much of my forever as I have."

Rose sighed, looking at them both as she stood up, knowing they both needed time to work through her words and the Tardis still wanted to talk to her; enough dilly dallying. Wiping away at the faint tear tracks on her cheeks, she slowly walked away, back towards the entrance of the library before looking back at them. She refused to let them see just how weak she still felt, how he'd reminded her just how broken she truly was, how much of herself she'd lost. Only she didn't want to part in anger so she gave them a tentative smile instead.

"But, just for the record, I do trust you and someday, once we've talked a lot more, I'll will also let you into my mind. Just not now, not today."

With that she stepped out and found herself right in front of the console room, the ship telling her wordlessly just how impatient she was to talk with her. With a last regretful sigh, Rose stepped through the door, the doors shutting behind her and locking, leaving her alone in the empty console room. The time rotors hummed slightly and she found herself patting the corals slightly in greeting as she sought out the pilot seat.

"So... is this about his goodbye in 2005?"

* * *

Rose Tyler.

A woman who confounded him, confused him and left him flabbergasted all-too-often for him to be comfortable with. Supposedly she was merely human which, as far as Time Lords were concerned, roughly equalled apes for humans.

She shouldn't have been capable of half the things she was capable of and she shouldn't have known most of things she did and yet here she was. A conundrum, a mystery and had she not demonstrated her selflessness at every turn he might have been far more suspicious of her. Except Rose truly was one of the most compassionate people he had ever had the pleasure of meeting, finding it in her heart to even forgive her worst enemy, gifted with an uncanny ability to understand emotions that eclipsed, he thought at times, even his own knowledge of the rest of the universe. She was young, incredibly young, not just for her species but to the rest of the universe and yet she was wise beyond her years, understanding things he had never before put into words and yet she just _knew_ and she forgave beyond what anyone as empathic as her should have been able to.

Were he a philosopher rather than a scientist, he might have likened her soul to a bright shining light and everyone else to darkness, because _no one_ had ever made him feel as she did, no one, or so he had thought, would ever be able to grant him forgiveness and no one would ever be able to know him and love him. She had done all of the above and more. Her love was a bright, shining light, a haven and sanctuary to him and she was his beacon, his way of finding a way back to himself. In all his years, he had never met anyone like her, nor, he suspected, would he ever again.

And someone had violated her, violated her trust, her mind, the very essence of all that she was. He now wished, dearly, that he had bonded to her for, though the pain of separation would've amplified exponentially, she would've been safe, would've been claimed, her mind under his protection. But he'd left her wide open and someone had found her, someone had attacked her and ripped her apart.

And somehow, someway and he dreaded to think of how it came to be, she had put herself back together, slowly, agonisingly, until it became night imperceptible and even he had dismissed it, had noticed her differences – of course he had – but attributed them to time apart. Not this, never this.

He wanted to believe that they had only been in her mind for a moment, just ripped one memory away from her but he knew her too well for that. Rose would fight, she'd fight tooth and nail, especially if she thought she'd put him in danger; more than once she'd even gone up against him when she thought he shouldn't know something. He trusted her, trusted her judgment, but now it seemed that very trust, his confidence in her, had betrayed her, had caused others to seek her out for all the knowledge he had confided in her. And they would've had to hurt her, hurt her a lot and he knew that a battle of the minds could bring about the fiercest of agony, a pain that would not be soothed as there was no physical wound to heal.

He wondered if that scar at her neck had been their doing as well and he couldn't help but allow his own mind to wander, just for a moment, allowing himself to imagine just what pain he'd visit upon them if he ever found out who had done this to the woman he loved.

It was one thing he'd never even wished upon Davros, who was, arguably, his worst enemy and to have it happen to someone he loved, someone who had been so open, so refreshingly honest to the world at large, tore both his hearts into pieces. Rose should never have had to suffer through it; he didn't know how she'd even recovered, how she had managed to seem so normal, so unaffected, how she trusted him at all.

He hadn't intended to, had, in fact, intended to steer well clear of her temples for the next few months, but when she'd told him she trusted him, when she'd bared her neck and offered him herself without words, eyes closed, he _had_ to find out if there was a chance, any chance at all, she'd do the impossible once more and would, eventually, come to trust him enough to let him into her mind.

And so his hand had gone further up and rested against her temples for a moment; she'd tensed, of course she'd tensed, but she hadn't moved away, hadn't refused his touch or even flinched and his hearts had jumped with joy at the clear – and unbelievably high – level of trust he couldn't believe himself deserving of but had nevertheless wanted, almost demanded from her. And she had given it to him. Freely. As Rose always seemed to.

But he had wanted her to relax again, wanted her to lean into his touch as she had before only this time, with his fear gone, he saw the rapid heaving of her chest, the pulse at her neck in clear view with her neck angled to the side and he noted the surprisingly fast pace of her heart; for a moment he'd worried it had been in fear. But then he'd touched her skin again and focused on the influx of hormones, noticed the slight sheen of perspiration, the gentle biting of her bottom lip, the way she responded to his touch, his movement, and his alarm faded as recognition set in.

Desire.

Lust.

Something he'd felt around Rose Tyler too often to be seemly and he hadn't thought that in a moment like this he could ever be made to respond in kind, but apparently he hadn't taken his sheer attraction to the beautiful blonde in his lap into account, because he found out he definitely could be convinced to set most other things aside and concentrate on far more pleasurable pursuits which he hadn't dabbled in for centuries – nor had he, until now, felt such an acute desire to.

It had taken a lot more concentration than it should have to restrain himself – which was helped by the fact that there was another him just a few inches to his side, just as intent on Rose and, well, that was not something he would ever even contemplate. With the cold reminder of his metacrisis, his hormones abated and other emotions arose in him again, regaining control. Still, he wished he could have at least granted Rose that one nonverbal plea, a silent request that he forget, that he make her forget, even just for a moment, but he could not follow it, could not give her what she wanted.

Someone had hurt her, his Rose Tyler, someone under his protection, and he would not let a crime so heinous go unpunished, would not leave her to fear their retribution or their return, afraid until the end of her days.

Except she knew him too well, could read everything he said and didn't say and refused to tell him, to give him their name, the name of their species and he was scared of pushing her too far, afraid of hurting her when all he wanted was to help her.

The Doctor had been wrong, he knew, to ever question her trust in him. Had she not, just moments before, proven just how much she trusted him by allowing him near her temples, near her mind, just a breath away from somewhere others had taken advantage of her? There was no justification he could make to explain it, but in that short moment, he genuinely had doubted, had questioned it, had felt hurt by the loss.

And he didn't know what had made him, after nearly two millennia of travel, after learning the painful lesson of never making promises you had no hope of keeping, do just that? Rose was right; he couldn't promise her total safety or protection, he couldn't even promise her old age or that she'd never have to suffer another attack on her person – he could only ever promise his best; and his best was pretty damn good and had been, when he was with her at least, enough to keep her safe... well, mostly safe. A few scratches and bruises, but she'd survived so far. So what had made him suddenly want to promise her the impossible?

He knew why, of course he knew, though he loathed to admit it. Rose Tyler was his weakness and his strength; with her he felt as though everything was possible and she defied logic, time and again, and his hearts had burnt with the need for revenge, the need to keep her safe, always, from everyone, and so he had spoken without thought, without consideration, wanting to reassure her, wanting her to know that he would _never_ allow anything like that to ever happen to her again, whether it was a promise he could make or not had not mattered to him in that moment.

But he shouldn't have questioned her trust, he shouldn't have removed his hands from her, no matter what. She'd needed his support, his trust, had needed him to step up and help her and he'd faltered, had hesitated when she needed him most because he had forgotten that though she always helped him, always found just the right thing to say to quell his conscience, this time it had been his turn to heal her not the other way around. Unfortunately the realisation had come too late.

She'd stood up and she'd left, her words telling him she forgave him even if her heart would take a bit longer to follow suit. Always forgiving him, even when he had all but abandoned her in her hour of need. He'd make it up to her, of course he would, and he'd explain, he'd be supportive. This time he would earn her forgiveness rather than merely accepting what she offered him unquestioningly every time; he wanted to show her he genuinely regretted his actions and his rash words in that moment, wanted her to understand that in the future, she could rely on him and he would support her; that he wouldn't waver again.

"You do realise that I will be the one helping her with this, not you, right?"

The Doctor's eyes narrowed and he glanced at his metacrisis. Did the other man really think he'd just give her up, give up _Rose Tyler_? No way. She needed him; and not just because his telepathic capabilities far exceeded those of his human self, though that was definitely one of the arguments in his favour. Not that he was evaluating it seriously; after all what could a his half-human self offer her that he couldn't? ... Oh. Half-human. But of course.

"What do you mean?" he asked nevertheless, refusing to let the other man se that he had just realised what his metacrisis was betting on.

"She's human. I'm human, or at least partly human. Don't tell me it hasn't occurred to you; I know it has. Human life. The slow path. You've thought about it, I know you have, because so have I. She has made us think that the slow path wouldn't be too bad, that maybe life with her, even without a Tardis, would be bearable. Well, it's time to put that to the test. There's two of us and only one of her. I know you can make the calculations... _Doctor._"

The tinge of sarcasm in his moniker didn't go unnoticed, but he ignored it because the other man was right. He _had_ thought about it before, had pushed it aside, content to ignore it for it was a match he was unlikely to win. The Doctor, for all his impressiveness, couldn't change himself, his biology – well, he could, but she wouldn't want him to, not if the cost was the universe or the Tardis. So he couldn't give her the slow life, could never give her his forever, his choice taken from him before he ever had the chance to make it. She'd said she was content with this life in the Tardis, enjoyed it even, but what about in five years or ten? In twenty? What about when she couldn't run anymore? When her speed would hamper their escapes and spell their death?

He was the Doctor, he had a ship that was sentient and could travel throughout all of time and space, he was a Time Lord, of superior biology and with senses and skills few ever dared dream of and a mind most could scarcely comprehend. And yet his half-human self, with no ship, no access to space or time travel, a mortal life and relatively short lifespan was still a better match for her; a compromise where at least one of him would have her, even if it was never him, even if he never got to experience that joy, never got to see her light up, that other him would. And he'd make sure she was happy; because that other man, that other him, he wouldn't have to worry about the universe or about timelines, unlike himself. His other self would be able to devote himself entirely to her, to making Rose Tyler laugh instead of cry, to supporting her, making the rest of her life as joyous as he could.

But it hurt, an almost physical agony that threatened to render his two hearts into four, tearing him apart and he closed his eyes to hold it at bay, refusing to let his other self see though he had to know how much pain he was in. It was why he'd given him so much time with her, why he'd allowed the Time Lord to be the one to touch her, to soothe her, to ask her for those words from the beach.

"I _can't_," he admitted finally, voice strangled. He couldn't bring himself to give her up. Despite Rose's words, he felt like he needed her just as much as he needed the air in his lungs and the hearts in his chest; there was no way he could give her up. Giving her up would be to ask him to tear one of his hearts out of his chest and to give it away, to send it off to he-knew-not-where and even if he did that, even if he managed to send her away, thinking it was for her own good, he would never be able to stop himself from checking in on them, from looking her up, from seeing her, even at a distance, making sure she was happy and seeking out contact with her at every turn.

"That's why you will have to drop us off in Pete's world," this time his metacrisis sounded almost compassionate, undoubtedly understanding exactly what he was asking of him.

But it was too much. If he left her there, in that other world, he would never know, would never find out, if she truly was happy. What if something happened to his metacrisis? What if she was left alone again? What if... What if she preferred his human self to his Time Lord one? What if she secretly longed for a family, a life with a white picket fence?

Oh, he knew they were still not biologically compatible – not without a lot of tinkering, at least – and a part of him truly regretted that; Jenny had, after all, turned out beautifully and though before he'd met her he had never wanted them, now he couldn't help but long for them. Naturally conceived, beautiful children of Rose Tyler. He didn't even know if she wanted children. And yet he couldn't help but think of what a wonderful mother she would make and he wanted to see her, could imagine her, pregnant, her stomach attractively rounded, her eyes aglow with an inner light and her entire body radiant in its beauty just as he could imagine her, smiling, hand in hand with a smaller version of Jenny, their daughter; feisty, independent and incredibly clever.

His human self would at least have a chance of that if he tweaked it just right; though, to be fair, he'd never looked at their chances of compatibility or Rose's ability to conceive before, content to leave it to this dreams rather than force his imaginings under the harsh light of reality where they would have undoubtedly withered and died.

"Remember, you still have to marry River Song," the metacrisis reminded him and he looked up, startled.

When Rose's return had still been impending, before he had a half-human version of himself to contend with, he'd thought about, had figured that he would do anything to stop himself from marrying River Song; after all, why would he ever marry anyone else when he could have Rose?

But therein lay the problem and the solution, heartbreaking though it was. He would never marry River Song as long as he was with Rose. Nothing could make him or force him to do that. Except what if he didn't have Rose at his side? What if he had no hope of her ever returning to him? What then, if there was no other choice, would he marry the other woman? The answer was yes, though he hated himself for even admitting that much. But if Rose wasn't there, if Rose was outwith his grasp and he knew her to be happily wed to his other self – who would, undoubtedly, tell her his name – he could marry River Song if there was no other alternative to be found.

He didn't contemplate even falling in love with her though he knew it was not fully out of the question; but right now he doubted he would ever be able to feel the same as he had for Rose for River. Rose and Jenny had carved their way into his hearts and he could not give that part of himself to anyone else, couldn't imagine anyone else ever being able to make his way past all the formidable walls he'd erected around himself the same way Rose had slipped past.

But the timelines were set.

River Song perished in the library.

And River Song knew his true name.

Which meant that, ultimately, Rose would not be at his side. And since even different universes would not keep her away, the only way to would be to offer her a part of himself, a mostly human one. His metacrisis.

"You can't ask me to give up Rose Tyler!" he denied sharply, "you know who she is, what she is to us! To me!"

Intimidation didn't work, he found, when it was his other self, someone who knew him intimately, knew the way his mind worked, his every thought and impulse, his feelings. He'd never felt so bare and couldn't help but view the other as an enemy, someone intent on taking the one he loved from him.

"Yes," the short one worded admission took the wind momentarily out of his sails before he gathered himself again.

"I can't give her up. You can't ask me to. I'll figure something out for River."

"You won't, you can't, because you don't know the circumstances yet."

"Then I'll figure them out!" he roared in anger but the metacrisis didn't flinch, didn't even blink and he hated it, constantly feeling like he was on the edge, on the losing side just moments from being forced to give in.

"You saw," the Time Lord tried again, in a calmer tone, "what happened to her over there. You cannot mean to bring her back to that world."

"Trust me," the other man's voice was dark, foreboding, and the metacrisis had clenched his fists, his entire body under tension as anger rose in them both at the memory of what had happened, "I will find them and they _will _pay."

That, at least, was something they could both agree on. No one harmed Rose Tyler. No one.

"She needs a telepath," he asserted, his eyes searching out the other man.

"She does. And if I can't help her, I _will_ find someone I can trust."

"Not good enough. I can help her. I'm the only one I trust to go into her mind."

His metacrisis nodded slightly at that, as if agreeing that he, too, would find it hard to trust anyone else.

"There's not enough time before the walls close. You know that." He did, of course he did. That's why he'd said it; Rose did need a telepath and he truly didn't trust anyone else with a mind as brilliant and delicate as hers, but more than that, it gave him an advantage over the other man, a reason for why she should stay with him.

"Just like you know what you have to do," the half-human Doctor finished and then with a curt nod left him to himself in the library.

The moment the doors closed themselves, the Time Lord punched the wall, an almost human response to his rage which most of his kind would've turned their nose up.

He found he didn't care.

For the first time, he genuinely regretted not having been born on her planet, not being able to meet Rose the more traditional way, court her in any which way she wanted and spend his life with her.

Because, right now, he stood to lose it all, everything, just because he was the Doctor, the last of the Time Lords, bound to save the universe above everything – and everyone – else until the very last of his regenerations ran out.

Alone. Always alone.

* * *

Rose sighed and leaned back against the pilot's chair, unnameable dread curling inside her.

"So you want me to look at the timelines?" she questioned, hesitating, because though she knew not what she might find, she was afraid of what it might mean for her.

The Tardis hummed a warning and at the unrelenting note in her friend, Rose stopped dawdling, knowing she did not have much choice, not unless she truly wanted to approach a fixed point in time without any knowledge of how it came to be.

So, with another deep sigh, she relaxed back, hearing and feeling the grating falling open though she no longer needed the ship's aid to reach for the time vortex. Her time in the other universes had taught her a lot of things, but more than anything else, she'd learnt about time.

Only it was different being back in her own universe, reaching out for a time stream she belonged to; it recognised her as a part of itself, its power stroking her almost lovingly, like a silent welcome as she gave herself over to it, her entire body humming as she was suffused in the golden light, her aching body healing as the artron particles in her cells were flooded with energy. Eyes closed, Rose leaned back, allowing herself a moment which felt like an eternity to bask in the timelessness, the strength of which no human could ever hope to fully grasp, before focussing back on the task.

Rose allowed her barriers around her mind to fall, one by one, for the first time in decades...

And then she saw.

What had happened, what would happen, what must always happen...

A moment later she stumbled to her feet, eyes wide and grasping blindly at the console.

"No," a breathless whisper, a hopeless denial of reality, which bore no fruit. The Tardis hummed mournfully, confirming what she already knew to be true.

But it couldn't be, not after everything, all that she'd gone through.

Except it was time. It wasn't malicious or vicious; in fact, it had no intent at all, it simply was. And, above all else, it didn't lie. It was truth. It was fact.

Her hold on the console faltered, her knees crumbling away beneath her and she hit the grating with a loud thud but took no notice of the pain. The agony in her heart, in her mind, by far eclipsed any physical pain for her to be aware of anything but what she'd seen.

Through decades and decades, battling, fighting, living, surviving, travelling through one dimension after another, losing friends and family and making new ones, building a new one, only to lose it all over again; all to find her way back to him, to the man she loved.

And it had all been for naught.

And for the first time, she had no way of fighting, had no strength left in her to battle against the inevitable, the impossible.

There was no anger, no rage or fear she could use to turn into a strength. There was no emotion at all. Only the bitter cold understanding that after everything she'd lost, everything she'd sacrificed, now it was time to pay the price for all the mistakes she'd made along the way.

There was no hope, none at all.

And for the very first time in decades and decades of fighting her way back to the Doctor, of being met with impossible odds and frightening enemies with no weapons, no plan and no backup, she surrendered. For the very first time in her life, Rose Tyler abandoned all hope, all her strength lost, her will as broken as her faith.

There was nothing she could do.

For the universe to live, Rose Tyler must die.

She'd claimed with the Doctor that she always wanted him to pick the universe and now, it seemed, it was time to prove that she stood by her words. Rose didn't cry, she didn't sob, her eyes empty and dry as she shakily forced herself to stand.

There were still things to be done, things she had to say if she didn't want the Doctor to ever find out the truth.

He could never know that he had, however unknowingly, sent her to her death. It would kill him.

She had done the calculations, had looked, in a panic, for any alternative, any way out; Rose had, rather stupidly, thought that maybe if she lived on Earth or on another planet she could escape her fate, that maybe she could circumvent it. But she couldn't. She had to leave this entire universe behind her or she would be single-handedly responsible for its destruction.

And a return to Pete's world would inevitably mean her imminent demise. The walls between the dimensions were already closing, one by one, and she wouldn't be able to leave her world. The Tardis had shown her, had shown her all the possibilities, all of them ending with either the death of every living thing in this universe – including her friends, the ship and her Doctor – or her death. She would have to take solace in the fact that if she died, her family in both universes and the Doctor, both of them, would still live at least.

Her hands trembled, but she didn't have time to break down, no time to mourn, to think.

Messages for the Doctor needed to be recorded. He must never know.

_Never._

* * *

Okay, yes, I know, you're all going to hate me, but I do promise that Rose and Eleven will be together. It will just be a little bit further away than I made you all believe *whistle innocently* And no, I've not been conspiring with my wonderful beta about our evil plots (Hush!) or laughing maniacally to myself as I deliberately phrased things in a certain way to leave people with the impression that beach 2nd time around wouldn't happen (*muahaha*). Anyway, I do hope you still enjoyed it and I promise it's not the end yet. Still probably only half-way actually.

* * *

Thank you to all my beloved reviewers – your responses are below:

* * *

**greeneyesCutie **

Hi again and thanks for the lovely review. I'm glad you loved Martha and agreed, she is a bit flat, unfortunately, in the TV series. Definitely congrats to my beta; couldn't have done it without her. Or, well, I could have but the end result would never have been this; I was so sick and tired of Martha I was ready to saddle you guys with one-dimensional, jealous wicked-witch Martha rather than, well, an actual person.

Ha, that's what you think! It's not me, unfortunately. It's Rose and the Doctor, those two just sorta... write themselves. And get out of hand. In a good way, I agree, but I unfortunately I cannot claim the glory for this as it's not because I sit down and think really hard about the chapter or anything, I just write what I think will be a short lead in – i.e. they went to bed and then the next morning this happened – instead, seven thousand words later and the night's only just barely turning into morning and I still haven't managed to say what I wanted to. Sorry, had to rant about it because I think I said a couple of chapters back that I thought we were a quarter of the way? Yeah, no way. I think it'll take me a bit longer, unfortunately / luckily.

Ah, nope. Sorry. Would love to, but not yet... but maybe a bit sooner than you'd think... Okay, that probably made no sense, sorry about that. And I know what you mean about needing him to tell her.

Clara won't happen in this story. Sorry. I just love her too much and I can't stomach her and Rose. I love them both with the Doctor but with different Doctors in a way, if that makes sense. Sorry!

Anywho, I do hope you enjoyed this chapter and you're not too mad. I do promise a reunion with Eleven. I'd love to hear from you!

* * *

**pyro-pixiechik**

Hi to you too and thank you very much for your review and compliments. May I also say that I love your nickname especially in relation to a job at a restaurant *lol*

Also rather impressed with your speed in catching up on Doctor Who. I admit I only started last year. Love the 4th Doctor though (Tom Baker) with Sarah Jane. He is brilliant! Jellybaby anyone?

Well, here's a small snippet of revelation between the two – in the above chapter – and he will find out more through other people, but not yet. I do hope you enjoyed Jack above and I would love to hear from you again and see what you think of recent developments. I promise a reunion with Eleven.

* * *

**Kylaia78**

Yay! Thank you very much for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed it and I would love to hear from you again. I definitely promise a reunion with Eleven.

* * *

**msschaller99 **

Thanks! Lovely to hear from you again and thank you for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and, as always, I would really love to hear from you again.

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**50penny**

First, thank you so much for your review and secondly, Ooh, very well played. Of course I don't want you to tone it down. I love the praise, I live for the praise! Gimme more!

Thanks for the compliments with regards to Martha; I never could quite grow to like her mainly because they put her in a bad light and showed her rather one-dimensionally and jealous, so I'm glad you enjoyed my Martha (read: Martha as I would have liked her to have been / envision her to be).

Yay! I loved writing the fishfingers and custard bit. That was so much fun! I hope you enjoyed Jack!

Hopefully I have not made you despair too badly with the end of this chapter; if so, fear not, a reunion will take place with Eleven and Rose. That's what I've been headed for all this time. I would really love another review from you!

Yep, agreed. Sherlock is amazing. And the Forever fanfics are unfortunately rather rare. Did you ever watch House M.D.? I enjoyed that show. And Broadchurch, though admittedly that's mainly due to David Tennant and my own ideas about a Rose/Broadchurch crossover. Or a Rose/Sherlock crossover – there are some brilliant ones out there for this! Though I admit I only like the ones where she has no choice of ever returning to the Doctor; otherwise I can't see her ever turning to someone else.

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**cecilehem**

Yay, glad you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you so much for your review.

I'm glad you enjoyed Martha; I'm afraid there was no peaking in the first draft; Martha was rather confrontational and out-and-out jealous. Hence the change in plot, location, character and dialogue... well, everything actually. Lol.

Thanks for all the compliments on Martha's character. I agree, I don't think it's out of character but definitely not a nice thing to do. But all the companions are inevitably, insatiably curious. What can you do when the man won't say a thing?

Rose doesn't expect a relationship between three people, she accepts that she loves the Doctor, whichever form he may be in. But that still means a solution needs to be found and, as you can read in the above chapter, has been found.

I hope this chapter which had some of Rose's POV in it, clarified how she managed to hide them and that she hasn't hidden them all that well from the Doctor or Jack, but that the Doctor is content to pretend for the moment and Jack is trying to figure out more information and waiting for the Doc to catch up.

Yay, glad you liked my secret I love you plan from the Doctor. This one had a bit more fluff and stuff in it, so despite all the sad bits, I do hope you enjoyed it.

I would love to hear what you think of Jack and recent developments. Again, I do promise a reunion with Eleven. Please review again :)

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**mariontyler **

Hi! Thank you very much for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and hope this one lives up to expectation as well. I hope this chapter also clarified Rose's perspective and why it wasn't OOC – or, at least, I hope it wasn't.

I'm not entirely sure how many chapters. All I can tell you is that I thought the last four chapters and what I suspect will be another two from hereon in, I thought would be wrapped up in 2 chapters total; that gives you an idea of my planning, doesn't it? I have the whole plot outlined but tiny scenes which I'd never planned on keep sneaking their way in and prolonging the story past where I thought I'd be. We're less than half way, I'd guess.

Anywho, I would love to receive another review and hope you're not to disappointed with the new turn of events. I do promise a reunion between Eleven and Rose.

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**Marcela **

Thank you for your review!

No! That would be cruel. Besides, remember that she cannot survive in Pete's world... Actually, not sure if that's any less cruel, but there you go.

Yay, glad you enjoyed the fishfingers and custard; that was so much fun to write. Unfortunately for you, I am rather evil *muahaha* but I do promise a reunion between Rose and Eleven. I hope you'll stick with me and I'd love to receive a review from you again.

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**Seralina**

Thank you very much for your review.

Can I just say, I loved your phrasing about being a peeper to see that affection. I know, I love the love that I imagine between them; not one based on needing or dependency, but one based on actual love, actual giving and aiding one another through life, supporting rather than betraying.

Not quite at the return point yet but you can see where things are headed. I promise there will be a reunion between her and Eleven, so please don't despair! So sorry about this twist and I do hope you're not horribly upset. The next chapter will clarify everything in a lot more detail.

Thank you for the praise. I hope you stick with me and this story and I'd love a review from you.

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**Maria EduardaB**

Thank you very much for your comment. I promise a reunion with Eleven later on. I hope you'll keep reading and reviewing!

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**paradiso31**

Yay! Thank you so much for your review. I loved giving Rose that as comfort food; connecting her and eleven together is, after all, my end goal so the reunion will show a lot of how he's missed her as well. Anywho, I hope you're not too disappointed by this chapter and I hope you'll stick with me! Please review!

* * *

**Guest - Silvay**

Thank you for both reviews and *lol* I didn't know MA stands for mobile app. Thanks for pointing that out! Agree, autocorrect sucks and phones keep jumping left and right and everywhere. I cannot write one good email due to that problem on my phone either.

I am very glad you enjoyed the chapter and thanks for all the praise (gimme more!). I know, I know, I'm sorry, I do hope all the moments in this chapter made up for it a bit, but Beach second time around still has to happen. Sorry. I do promise a reunion with Eleven, despite how unlikely it may seem at this precise moment and I hope the chapter above clarified that the Doctor is less than enthusiastic about letting her go at all but nevertheless thinks it needs to be done.

I would love to hear from you again! I hope you'll still keep reading and reviewing.

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**XSunshine95X **

Thank you so much for your review and yes, your anxiety does make sense. You'll see how she survives or lives as at the moment I'm not at liberty to reveal anything unless you want the plot spoiled. But I do promise the reunion with Eleven and a happy ever after, even if it takes some time and a lot of healing. So glad you enjoyed my writing so far and I do hope you'll keep reading (and reviewing).

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**SassyFrassKerr **

Yay, I thought I'd lost you. I'm glad to see (hear?) you're still reading and hope I've not disappointed you with the latest chapter.

I love your summary of the Tardis' denial, brilliant! The comfort food was incredible fun to write, I assure you, especially his reactions to it.

... Ah, crux of the problem. As you can see, what you dreaded might happen will actually come to pass (Bad Wolf Bay, second time around) but I do promise a reunion between Eleven and Rose.

No kisses** yet**, sorry. Oops, did I give something away here *wink innocently*

I am glad you enjoyed Martha and hope you enjoy Jack just as much. There was a bit of fluff in this chapter with lots of tears but I hope you enjoyed it nevertheless and I hope you'll stick with me even though Bad Wolf Bay takes place again. I would love to receive another review from you and hear your thoughts on this chapter!


	16. Last night on Earth

First off, I hope you all have joyous Christmas and wish you the best for the holiday season (and New Year). I hope you get to spend this time with your loved ones.

Secondly, I am very sorry for the delay. I got a bit sick and then had some personal – lawyer issues to deal with which set me back for a bit.

A hundred-thousand thanks goes out to my beta for all her hard work this year, her wonderful help and her critical analysis and view on my chapters which has been a monumental aid in getting the characters right. Thank you, **The Clever Doctor**, you are brilliant and simply fantastic and don't you ever forget it!

Also a big thank you to all my reviewers. I half-expected a lot of people to drop off after my last chapter; instead you guys did what I hadn't anticipated – more people reached out in outrage at the plot twist and the coming hardships for our beloved Rose (and our Doctor). I'm really grateful for everyone's enthusiasm and I had definitely not intended this originally, but because of you all, I've decided to add a bit of Christmas cheer to this chapter: Smoochies between our Time Lord Doctor and Rose. I hope you enjoy it; I've never written anything quite so graphic before so I hope you enjoy it.

**Warning**: Scenes of a graphic nature (sort of; it's still just kissing, technically) and intoxication.

* * *

Helpless.

She'd travelled through to many worlds, too many dimensions to count and yet her time in them had been limited from the start and in so many of them, she'd been helpless, doomed from the start to fail as her time ran out before she could help anyone.

Rose hated it, that feeling of failure, of being responsible for all these dimensions and yet continuously proving just in how many ways she wasn't good enough, not enough like the Doctor, not clever, quick or experienced enough to suss out their issues and resolve them before she was pulled back into Pete's world.

Her mum didn't know and neither did Pete or Jake, but Mickey had seen it, had recognised it, tried to tell her that she wasn't responsible, that her only mission was to find the Doctor, that no one expected her to save these other dimensions.

But he was wrong.

Rose did, she expected it, and so would the Doctor. None of his companions would just abandon people who needed their help and yet that's precisely what she'd done, continuously, over and over again. The few she'd helped could not be counted against the billions and billions she'd left behind, the ones she'd either killed herself or abandoned to their death.

It hadn't occurred to her then that she'd never get the chance to atone for all her crimes, that she'd be forced back into Pete's world, yet again, with no other choice; only this time it was to her own execution rather than someone else's. She would've liked to say she was altruistic enough to prefer her own death to someone else's – and if there was someone in front of her, Rose knew that she'd always choose their survival over her own, but right here, right now, it was an abstract concept and though her guilt weighed on her, she couldn't help but want to stay, couldn't help but search through every timeline, despite the Tardis' words, for an alternative, any alternative, anything that suggested that she may yet survive inspite of all the odds.

Unfortunately, though there still were several thousand timelines, several thousand ways she could go about it, ultimately they all had one of four endings.

One, she stayed in this universe. No matter how she went about it, the universe would unravel, reapers would descend and the Doctor, the Tardis, everyone she knew and loved as well as billions upon billions of people would die.

Choice two, she left through Pete's world. Either she died right away or she held on for a bit, but in the end, that universe would erase her. Choices three and four ended up with her in Pete's world and escaping; however, most of the time she'd couldn't hold out for long enough, ending up either insane or withering away into nothingness. But there was one, one timeline in thousands, where she survived. One chance to get it right, to get it all right. Rose knew if she wanted to follow that timeline she would have to stay strong, determined, for longer than ever before, she'd have to fight not others but herself, cling onto all that she was, if she wanted to have any hope of finding him again, of getting back to the right universe. The odds were not in her favour, were, in fact, stacked astronomically against her but despite how infinitesimally small it was, it was still a chance, it was still hope and it was more than she'd had just five minutes ago.

But it wouldn't be easy, it would be a struggle, it would be hard, it would break her even further than she already was and for a moment, Rose hesitated, wondering if she could even find the strength to fight anymore, if she could still do it, this, continue struggling with everyone else against her, with nothing but the faintest hope that someday she would be reunited with him, with her Doctor. That maybe he'd forgive her or if not forgive, that he'd help her. Could she really do this? Another endless struggle? Face the horrors she'd seen along that timeline, glimpsed really, for the barest second, felt the terrifying panic? Could she go through it? Most timelines had her failing, had her struggling along until finally she succumbed, until she no longer had the strength to keep going, until all hope had abandoned her yet again and her will to live was drained.

Rose felt the wetness on her cheeks and knew she'd been crying, her hands trembling slightly as the Tardis hummed mournfully in her head. In all likelihood, she wouldn't make it. This was their last goodbye, a last hurrah to their time together and her anger at her friend abated.

It was foolishness that had made her blame the ship at first, or at least she thought it was. It was a perfect time loop, a fixed point in time that even the Tardis could not have avoided; because this Tardis, the one she was currently in, had not yet reached out to Rose yet – but just as she did, the ship knew that's what would have to happen, that she would have to contact Rose in that moment when their Time Lord was about to regenerate, because the Rose that was with her now and had told her that she would. A loop in time. A self-fulfilling prophecy. It would happen because in many ways, it already had, even if the Tardis and the Doctor both had not yet lived through it.

Rose stroked the console, giving a mute apology to her friend for the anger she'd felt, the insults she'd hurled at the ship where only the Tardis' rather empathic reprimand had reminded her that no matter how often she was tempted to categorise their relationship – and in turn the ship – as her friend, her sister, her mother, none of those terms fit because the Tardis was everything all at once. She saw everything and everyone, saw all that was and all that could be; her knowledge was unfathomable, her power incomparable as she monitored all of time and space, searching out places which needed the Doctor's help most urgently.

And yet, despite all that, despite the fact that her attentions should have been wholly taken up by far more important matters, the Tardis always looked after her, consoled her, helped her, bolstered her strength and her courage where she wanted to falter, wanted to sulk and cry and let the world run its course and just give in, let it take her and leave the Doctor because she couldn't anymore, didn't want to anymore, didn't see the point of fighting anymore.

The Tardis reminded her, helped her, allowed her to see her Doctor as he grew and changed, as yet another man took his place; his face ever-changing with each timeline and yet still notably him, her Doctor, the man she loved – always running, always helping ... and always alone.

And she remembered why she'd wanted to be with him. Because he didn't have to be alone – and neither did she.

Rose found she didn't have to fake her cheer anymore, her laughter turning more genuine and her actions less guilt-ridden, less tearful with each message she recorded for him, for a future him. The Tardis had provided her with the three most likely future timelines, helped her seek out the moments where he was attempting to find out more and Rose found herself just slightly happier as she recorded the messages for him, alternating between scolding, pleading and cajoling him to drop the matter, hoping that this way, at least, even if she never did find her way back, she'd at least stopped him from looking any deeper, from searching out what, in the end, would only hurt him more. He must never know, not unless she in that one-in-a-million shot made her way back to him; something Rose was sincerely doubting now, her good humour and her strength flagging and waning, regretting all the things she'd never get to see, to live through and experience, all the things she'd wanted to tell him, share with him, all the moments they'd never had and most likely never would have.

Once the last message was done, she closed her eyes, leaning against the closest coral, enjoying the flood of warmth and sympathy from the ship. When she opened them, she nearly laughed at the sight of the hypervodka and two tumblers courtesy of the ship; but her humour refused to surface as the pending conversation made her heart ache and her eyes tear up. It was one she'd never wanted or imagined she'd ever have to have. How could she ever tell her mother that her daughter was dying – and, more importantly, that Jackie was supposed to stand by and let it happen?

* * *

Donna's mind was awhirl with information; so much knowledge and so many memories. The Doctor suddenly made sense in ways he never had before; his behaviour, his actions, his thoughts and she couldn't help but feel for him. That first time they'd met – he had offered her the world, no, the universe, and she'd rejected him, had told him that _he_ scared her. She hadn't intended anything malicious by it, hadn't even realised just how much pain she'd caused him by those simple words – not until now, anyway, now that she could remember exactly how her words had affected him.

After a day where her fiancé had turned out to be a spider-lovin' bastard – and consequently died – a day where she found out aliens existed and the world was so much larger than she'd ever dared to imagine and she'd been faced with the potential death of her planet and found herself dangling from only a spider's web above a hole which would threatened to make her fall straight to a race of aliens intent on devouring her; and yet she had told the Doctor that _he_ was the one who scared her.

Now, having seen him, all of him, she couldn't help but regret it. Though she couldn't have known it at the time, there was little else she could have said that would have hurt him worse.

And god, her head _hurt._ Her mind felt as though it was continually expanding and yet collapsing in on itself, burning, always burning, until she felt like screaming and her thoughts felt muddled. And then it was okay again, she was Donna again with additional memories and thoughts, yes, but still Donna all-around and the pain was gone as if it had never been there.

She knew what was happening though she refused to admit to it. She _liked_ being the Doctor-Donna. For once, she mattered. She really was important – though now she could see that the Doctor had never doubted it, had always thought of her this way. But now, for the first time, she actually _felt_ it. It was glorious, marvellous, splendiferous and simply _fantastic_.

Donna-Doctor Noble was brilliant and she could finally see it, could see how with all his thoughts, all his memories, she could improve upon his ideas and plans, could see how much fun, how exciting it would be. Travelling the universe, saving planets and civilisations; the world had just been waiting for her. The universe needed her and she needed it, needed to run, the itch almost physical as every part of her longed to run, run and never, ever stop.

But the burning continued, fraying the edges of all that made Donna, Donna, trying to push her out, erase her, for a human consciousness was never meant to contain this much thought, this much processing, this many memories. And there was no way out. No one else could handle it, it couldn't be transferred to anyone else, leaving her with the Doctor's only other option – though neither had touched upon the topic, not daring to even mention it never mind discussing it.

But Donna knew; they would have to be hidden, carefully, inside her and thereby erasing every trace of him in her life, of their travels, of everything she'd seen, everything she'd learned about herself and about the world at large. It would all be gone. She knew that but she refused to acknowledge it, fought it, determined to pretend until the very last second that she really would get to travel with the Doctor, that she would get to see everything she'd always imagined.

Her strong, fierce personality was what had allowed her to hold on this long and she knew that her time was limited but she hadn't been able to help herself, her brilliant mind running through one scenario after another, searching desperately for a solution when the incredibly hot Captain – and god, she would prefer by far to let her mind wander along far more interesting paths, all of which revolved around that delectable, perfect specimen of masculinity in front of her – brought up the one subject she didn't know what to feel about.

Donna Noble had only met Rose once, for a few moments, had helped her carry the Doctor and seen the clear affection between the two. The blonde woman had seemed heartbroken, a bit jaded and very emotional; but that was about all she'd been able to glean from her. Donna hadn't yet had time to grow any kind of fondness or affection for the blonde, barely even acknowledging her as more than an acquaintance in her own emotions because the only times the Doctor had ever talked about her, it had been about the hole she'd left in his life, missing her, never anything to truly give her an insight into just who Rose Tyler really was; which had not been a problem up until now.

Unfortunately, now that she had both the Doctor's and her own thoughts, memories and feelings to contend with, it was becoming rather difficult to discern what her own feelings for the woman in question were.

She could hear it, in her thoughts, his voice as he stood in front of what every instinct told her looked like the Devil – horns, fire, taller than most skyscrapers and inducing her with an almost instinctual fear that reverberated through every part of her, told her to flee, to run, to forget. And yet the Doctor had stood there, had challenged him, fought him – and she could feel it, a dull echo of his emotions in that moment and yet overwhelming to her, a depth and magnitude to his feelings she'd never before experienced.

_"I've seen a lot of this universe. I've seen fake gods and bad gods and demi-gods and would-be gods, and out of all that, out of that whole pantheon, if I believe in one thing, just one thing... I believe in _her_."_

There had been fear – but no doubt, never any doubt, not in Rose. Donna had never believed in god – there were just too many things which didn't fit the facts – but she wondered if any priest held even the smallest quantum of this unyielding, unbreakable faith the Doctor had in Rose Tyler. Even when the woman been locked away in an alternate universe, he'd still held onto it, had still believed despite the facts, despite everything he knew; his belief in that one woman in all of creation had never faltered.

It was hard to fathom how he could even hold all this inside of him, how he could not let it leak to the outside world, not let her know every minute of every day just how much she meant to him. She'd known the Doctor had two hearts, but she'd never thought it would carry over into the metaphysical hearts, his emotions having deepened and strengthened by the centuries of experience, both harrowing and joyous, each feeling strong enough to bring her to her knees and make her weep though they weren't even her own.

Donna couldn't help but feel glad she'd never ended up getting married – and not just for who Lance had turned out to be in the end, but for the simple fact that back then she had been willing to succumb to pressure, had just wanted someone, anyone, who would lend her his support, his strength, would encourage her when her mother sought to subdue her. She had been looking for a friend – not even a best friend, just a friend would have been enough.

She had learned when she was very young that she wasn't the epitome of a girl or a woman as society seemed to want them. Donna wasn't one to spend hours in front of a mirror primping endlessly, had long since grown accustomed to being outshone by Nerys who was blonde, slender and petite where Donna had a stronger build – though more curvaceous – and was at the same height as most men. For a brief time as a teenager she'd attempted to conform, had tried to join the cliques and giggle and gossip with the best of them, to act shy and mysterious in front of boys to 'lure them in'.

Except that wasn't her. She loved to gossip and enjoyed girly things true enough, but Donna had never been one to sit there quietly, never been the princess who would faint at the first sign of danger or wait for a knight to find and rescue her. She preferred by far to be the one doing the rescuing, to run headlong into adventure and – since she met the Doctor – also into danger; the rush was incomparable. Donna had long ago realised that she was too vivacious, too headstrong and stubborn, too loud-mouthed and too honest for most men. Up until now she'd thought she'd be happy to settle for someone who would be her friend, even if they didn't love her, didn't understand her, didn't understand her need to explore the world outwith the confines of the town and land she grew up in, her yearning for the stars her grandfather had told her about since she was a child, the need for adventures rooted too deeply within for her to ever be able to completely give it up.

She had never found anyone aside from her grandfather – and, indeed, had started to think she may never find anyone – who could accept her as an equal until she met him. Though the Doctor was from a species which had evolved so far beyond humans, though his mind was something she hadn't had a hope of matching before the metacrisis, he had treated her as an equal, had allowed her to tease him and retorted in kind, behaving more like siblings and friends rather than a teacher or an acquaintance as she had half-expected.

But he had welcomed her into his life, had accepted her bossy nature and never-ending questions and allowed her to flourish even as she grew to understand just how terrible and lonely his existence truly was. But Rose... the Doctor loved Rose; he loved her with abandon – passionately, fiercely, an emotion so strong it stole her breath... and Donna wanted it. Not with the Doctor – she could never see him that way – but that love, she wanted someone who loved her like that, someone who held her opinion above everyone else's, someone who understood her, who would support her and have her back, someone she didn't have to doubt but a love and relationship based on mutual acceptance and equality, on love and friendship.

She could see it all, could feel it all, everything he'd thought and never said, all the tumultuous emotions, his wants, his desires – the ones he hid and tried not to dwell on; she could see it all. And it was beautiful.

But it was the Doctor's feelings towards Rose, towards the woman he loved; it was not how Donna felt about her but as her own emotions had been ambiguous at best towards the blonde and very faint – especially when compared to the strength of the Doctor's feelings – she found it surprisingly difficult to distinguish between them. The only clear emotion she'd had was one of protectiveness – because she'd seen what had happened to the Doctor when he was without her – and it echoed the Time Lord's own need to protect Rose Tyler from anything – and anyone – who might seek to cause her harm.

Before she knew what had happened, his emotions had melded with her own until they were indistinguishable from one another. Though she knew he'd never let it get that far, a part of her couldn't help but wonder if that's what would happen to her – his emotions, his thoughts overwhelming her, bit by bit until she could no longer tell her own from his. She _had_ felt protective towards the blonde, wanted Rose to stay with the Doctor, to make him happy and to help her as she had a vague understanding that Rose had been through a lot during their separation as well. Only that feeling had resonated with the Doctor's own, his protectiveness giving rise to her own as she saw how often he'd been close to tying her to him so the blonde wouldn't succumb to the temptation to explore on her own – and, inevitably, land in danger – his fear of her death strangling him every waking moment.

And as her own protective feelings had surged up, his had seamlessly integrated with her own and she hadn't even realised it at first – not until Jack had mentioned her name, had started questioning Jackie.

She'd nearly gasped at the feeling rising up inside of her, threatening to drown her, and it took all she had not to interrogate both Jack and Jackie herself, to find out whether any harm had come to Rose. It was hard to reconciliate the emotion and thoughts inside of her with the realisation that she'd only known the other woman for a few minutes at best; and that's when she began to understand the feelings weren't entirely her own.

Then the blue Dumbo came in and obviously discerned with just a glance what Jack had been up to – not that the Captain was putting any particular effort into hiding it – and the sight of him jolted something in her; there was something in his eyes, something that reminded her of... something.

Something in her hand, wound across her fingers; a sense of awe, despair, sorrow, loss, love... none of it made any sense. Frowning, Donna dropped her gaze, staring at her hand but it was until she glimpsed Jackie out of the corner of her eyes, her blonde hair, that the pieces fell into place.

A memory. A single strand of hair, dyed blonde, curled around the Doctor's hand. A biological extraction. A child – part human, part Time Lord. Jenny. A perfect balance between the Doctor and Rose... and their child.

Donna's head shot up with a gasp, her heart aching as her eyes found him, the Doctor, and realised just why he'd rejected her for so long, why he had been so devastated by her loss; not only had he lost his child, but he'd lost _their_ child, his last connection to Rose.

"Donna...?"

His almost comical expression as he defended himself to Jackie faded, replaced by concern. Concern for her, how ironic. She was grieving for all _he_ had lost, and he was just standing there, oblivious to her inner feelings, her knowledge. All thoughts of the Captain disappeared.

She needed to talk to him. She'd never forced him to confront it, never thought he needed to; but he did now. Because Rose was back and, sooner or later, he'd have to tell her.

"C'mmon, Dumbo," she used the moniker half-affectionately, half-exasperatedly as she forced her arm through his elbow, pulling the unwilling half Time Lord with her. "Time for us to have a chat."

"Wha-?" The Doctor looked torn between thanking her for helping him escape Jackie's tender mercies and dreading what he suspected was yet to come.

"I think she's breaking up with you, Doc," Jack commented with teasing grin though his eyes were inquisitive, assessing her, trying to discern her motives undoubtedly; and failing. An immortal, her memories told her; how interesting. She wondered just how much he'd learned about woman – if even half his innuendos and stories were true, she'd be willing to bet a lot. Shame, she didn't have time to take him up on it just now – and he was obviously in a relationship with Ianto, the man she'd seen on the monitor. Flirting only, no touching.

Oh well, Donna admitted with an inviting grin in the Captain's direction, she could definitely handle that. His eyebrows quirked up and a slight smirk formed in response before she dragged the Doctor out of the room, not giving him time to retort. The Tardis provided them with a room only a few feet from the kitchen, the door opening invitingly to give way to a small coffee table and two couches – judging by the Doctor's faint frown of disgust, she doubted this one had been his idea.

"We need to talk," she announced the moment the doors closed.

"Yes, you mentioned that."

His eyes were dark, hooded, hiding his thoughts and emotions even though they both knew it was futile. She had his memories, his feelings; she could tell what he was thinking even in moments like these, when he didn't want her to. A part of her wondered if he even vaguely suspected what she'd come to him about – though she doubted it. He was far more likely to attribute her need for conversation to something else; like her impending memory loss. But there was no way she was discussing that. It was enough to know it was coming; she refused to spend any more thought than necessary on it. So far she hadn't shown many – if any – outside signs of just how badly this was affecting her and if she didn't want her memories gone before they had to be, that's the way it would have to stay.

"Sooo...," he started leadingly, his eyes searching out hers, "what did you want to talk about?"

The Tardis closed the doors, locking them behind them at Donna's behest and she silently thanked the ship; this was something between him and Rose – and her, now – no one else had any right to know about Jenny before the mother. A rather interesting conundrum; how do you tell the mother – Rose – that she'd had a child without ever having sex or going through pregnancy?

"Jenny," Donna said firmly and the Doctor's eyes – which had been on the closed door – snapped back to her and she could see a million thoughts and ideas being formed right behind his eyes and being discarded in that very same nanosecond. No use fooling someone who knew everything you were thinking.

"There's nothing to talk about," he finally said, eyes shuttered and dark as he sought to hide his emotions.

Except she knew just how badly it hurt him; even just hearing the name spoken tore at his one, singular heart and though the redhead regretted bringing it up, regretted being the one to make him remember all the heartache, she knew it had to be done and done now, before he sequestered himself away with Rose, before he convinced himself to never speak of it to her, before she lost any ability to confront him along with her memories.

"Oh, don't pretend, spaceman. You may have fooled me if I didn't have all your memories – and even that's debatable – but now you haven't got a hope in hell. And you _are_ going to talk about it."

He needed to be pushed, challenged, right now or he would shut himself down, would divert her attentions, aggravate her until she would forget what her original intentions had been; as much as she wanted to approach the topic more carefully, it wouldn't do either of them any good if she did. He needed to open up.

"There's nothing to talk about," he retorted, voice lowered to a hiss, his entire body tensed in anger, "because _she_ is dead."

"Yes, she is. And that's bad enough, but you pretend she never existed. You never even mention her!"

Donna almost flinched at the icy glare the Doctor's metacrisis gave her, but she didn't back down. Within moments she saw the guilt, the regret and grief rise up in him and she felt for him, she really did; she knew better than anyone just how much Jenny's loss had hurt him, after all, now that she had his memories. And she knew her words had reminded him of Rose, of the fact that Jenny was her daughter too – and that Rose had always been afraid of being forgotten, of being unremarked in her life as in her death. And that's exactly what he'd done with their daughter.

"...You wouldn't understand," he finally said, tired acceptance written in his face.

Donna snorted, hardening herself. Pushing him was good, she reminded herself silently; it would help him, help them. He needed someone to do it and she suspected from her memories and Jack's comments that Rose was the one who needed comfort right now rather than to be giving it.

"Really? I wouldn't understand? That's what you're going with? Wanna try that again, spaceman?"

"You don't know what it's like – you've never lost a child!"

He was agitated now, shouting, pacing the length of the room, his body fairly vibrating with emotions, with anger, and he didn't even look at her anymore, his brown eyes darkened with sorrow, pain and an aimless rage at a universe that took and took and never gave back. Except it would, Donna reminded herself, just this once. He'd lose so much, but he'd gain even more. He'd have Rose. And no matter how much he denied it, that had always been enough, more than enough even.

And she wanted to remain compassionate, sympathetic even, wanted her focus to remain on him and him alone – but he'd managed it. Her own grief was subdued by a flood of anger; in a short time, she'd lose it all, all her memories, everything she was, all she'd become and the people she'd met, places she'd seen... and she'd lose her family and would never know it, would never remember why there was a hole in her heart, why she ached for something her memories would tell her she'd never had.

Blue eyes narrowed and her hands clenched impotently at her side as she stepped in his path, forcing him to look at her again, forcing him to realise what he'd said, how much he'd hurt her and she could see it, the realisation dawning on him as his eyes met hers; but it was too little, too late, her own anger and grief mingling as she shouted back. She'd never intended to provoke a shouting match, had, in fact, intended to be the rational one, the calm one.

"_I_ wouldn't understand? Is that what you're saying? That I've never lost anyone? I know you weren't there and it wasn't real, but in that library... I had a family. I had a husband and I had children, two of them. And _I lost them_. I loved them, and they were taken from me, disappeared, _their entire existence_ erased! ... You at least knew Jenny was real. There's a civilisation out there who was built on the man who never would and his daughter, who sacrificed herself to end the war between two races. _Jenny_ was real, she was your daughter... and she was Rose's. And she was _beautiful_. You should be proud of her, not hiding her away like some dirty secret. Rose deserves to know that she had a daughter and Jenny deserves to be mourned, to be remembered. _I _know you lost her, but you forget that Rose lost her, too, even if she doesn't know it yet. And she should know, she should be told. By you," Donna paused for a moment, her anger abating, eyes softening slightly as she continued, "and you deserve that, too. Someone else who knows, who understands, what you've lost, what you've missed out on... Someone to grieve with."

She could see him working through what she said, his teeth clenched tightly as he undoubtedly struggled with himself, stopping himself from lashing out at her, knowing that despite her initial anger, she had nothing but his best interests at heart. Finally, she saw him weakening, his resolve giving way and his anger evaporating.

"She does," he admitted tiredly. "They both do... deserve it, I mean." He breathed out again, releasing a sigh of both frustration and exasperation; she knew it galled him – he was used to being able to hide from people, but now the Tardis was full of people who could read him, knew him too well to fall for his ploys.

He sat down again, refusing to meet her eyes but he didn't need to. There was defeat in his posture and she knew he wouldn't throw up his barriers again, wouldn't try to keep her out again; not that he could've, had he tried.

"I want to tell her," he finally confessed, his voice low and quiet as he opened himself to her, disclosed his thoughts and Donna knew how much it had cost him to admit even that much.

"I know." She gave him a smile, sinking down into the couch, trying to will away her sudden headache. "But you would've found a million reasons which you would've used to stop yourself from doing just that; that it would hurt Rose to know or that she'd never get to meet Jenny anyway. Even when you know they're nothing but excuses, you would've pretended. Trust me, I know. I feel it too, that urge to run and never stop. To pretend. To forget..."

His head lifted slowly, brown eyes searching hers and she knew he could read it in her.

"You know," he breathed, eyes wide in astonishment and sympathy.

"Yeah," Donna found herself admitting, eyes closing as she rubbed her forehead, a sharp burst of pain going through her heart and her mind urging her to run from the conversation... but she was tired of running, of evading and pretending when they both so clearly knew her fate, knew what had to come.

"...I'm sorry."

His eyes had darkened as his hand found hers, trying to give her strength and comfort – but she found none. In a few hours she wouldn't remember this, wouldn't remember him. She'd take all this pain and more if only it meant she could remember that first time she met him and the Thames had spilled out around her and he had stood there, aloof and distant, like a vengeful god. Or that time she'd reminded him and they'd rescued one family at least from Pompeii, watching the volcano erupt and spill out over the city, dry, burning ash raining from the sky, everything covered in a fiery red glow and dark blackness, the very sky and stars obscured beneath its murky clouds, stealing the very air around them. Or meeting Agatha Christie and running from a human-sized bee and their impromptu game of charades as he had been poisoned. She wanted to remember it; every laugh, every tear, every heartache and every joy. She wanted to remember who she'd become, who she was, now. She didn't want to turn back into the oblivious and so-very-human Donna Noble who was still desperately searching for her place in this world.

She'd found it. After all this time, she'd found it. It wasn't on her planet or, indeed, any other planet. It was here. With the Doctor. In the Tardis. Running. Forever. This was her world, her place, where she belonged.

And it would all be taken from her, would disappear just like her children and Lee, her husband. Forgotten.

"I know," she said again. There wasn't anything else to say, nothing to be done. The future would come, drawing ever closer, and everything that had shaped her, had turned her into the person she was now, would be locked away. Soon. But not now.

They didn't need to talk. They had both been born in that same instant in many respects; the moment the Doctor had regenerated. Both were part Donna and part Doctor, never truly fully one or the other anymore.

And, sometimes, silence was best of all. They both knew what was to come, for both of them and they both knew what they stood to lose. Nothing more needed to be said. There would never be another moment like this, for either of them; a moment where you knew the other person so completely and utterly because they were a part of you.

So they remained, quiet, consoling and drawing strength from the other's presence without saying a word, adrift in their own memories and thoughts, knowing this rare moment of peace would soon draw to a close.

What neither of them had, however, expected, was the red lighting flashing in their room and loud tolling sound of the cloister bells echoing around the ship.

"WHAT?"

Flabbergasted, they both took a look at each other before scrambling to their feet and running to the console room; they had been fairly certain they had just averted the end of the universe – how was it the Tardis thought it was still coming?

* * *

Rose sighed, rubbing her head, hoping she didn't look quite as dreadful as she felt. Her mother had found a room aboard the Tardis; the ship had, she knew, in an attempt at comforting them both through the coming discussion, provided her with an exact replica of their flat on the Powell estate.

"Mum?"

The bottle of hypervodka was clenched tightly under her arm, the two tumblers stacked in her right hand as she gently knocked on the door again.

"How does it to this?"

Eyebrows raised, Rose watched the door for another moment before shrugging slightly and accepting the question as an unspoken invitation. With everything precariously balanced under her right arm, she threw open the door and stepped in, placing the tumblers and the alcohol on the coffee table to follow her mother out towards the kitchen.

"What do you mean?" Rose finally asked.

Jackie didn't even turn, her eyes still transfixed on the scenery out the window, simply waving an expansive hand; until she followed, she didn't fully comprehend but as she took in the view, her mother's puzzlement finally made sense. It was one thing Rose had always enjoyed; the views their apartment had provided them with over London; the small playground with the occasional graffiti just below, spreading out into houses and more houses and skyscrapers until you saw the very centre of London well off into the distance. Nevertheless, it had been a view she'd loved, watching as thousands of people followed their own business; from children to elderly people; you could watch it all from here, from a safe distance, watch the world turn and life take place without ever participating.

"It's the Tardis," she explained, voice soft, soaking in the sight she had forgotten about in the decades hence. "Stands for Time and Relative Dimension In Space. And 'it' is a 'she'. She's sentient, mum. And she put this here because she knew you'd be upset."

Unfortunately, her mother had always been quick to pick up on any small mistakes, even more so since their time in Pete's world, where Rose had tried to hide the reality of what was happening to her from everyone.

"Not was, but would, huh?" Jackie questioned, pulling away from the window and fixing Rose with firm eyes, searching her, ignoring her words about the ship for the moment.

She floundered for a moment, wondering if she should deny or admit to what her mother was asking, but finally decided to give in. They didn't have much time either way.

"Need to talk, mum."

"If it's about you staying here with himself, then I've already figured that out," her mother said dryly, but her gaze was too discerning, too aware of who she'd become, knowing only too well that she would not have come to her with what they would both consider a trifle matter, something to be expected, not discussed.

Rose motioned for her mother to follow her before making her way back to the couch and coffee table, spreading the two tumblers and easily filling them with the burning liquid.

"Quick word of warning, mum. Hypervodka is really, really strong. Drink it slowly."

Contrary to her own advice, Rose quickly drowned her glass and refilled it, eyes watering, throat burning and heart clenching for one spectacular moment before a pleasant warmth suffused her. She needed it, right now. Needed to distance herself, to forget, needed the false strength of the alcohol to lend her courage for the coming talk.

Her mother grimaced after she emptied her first shot, almost automatically, before giving Rose a concerned glance as she refilled her tumbler for the third time, though she intended to consume it at a much slower pace this time.

"What's this?"

Rose laughed softly.

"'s called Hypervodka. Jack brought it on board, once,... 's strong enough even the Doctor can get drunk on it. He said, sometimes you need to forget, even if it's just for one night..." Rose shrugged carelessly, the warmth in her bordering on the edge of painful, of burning her from the inside out, but still pleasant enough to give her a slight buzz. "Well, he wasn't wrong."

Jackie remained quiet, having long ago learned that with this new Rose, pushing and prodding would only make her withdraw instead of opening up. Good on her, Rose thought. But this would hurt; her mother had battled with the fear of losing her so long and so often, had come so close to losing her, and now she would ask her to step back and accept just that. She would've felt sympathy, but her heart was still too broken, too torn, aching at the knowledge of her death that she could spare none for her mother.

"'m not gonna stay here, mum. 'm gonna come back with you."

* * *

Jackie stared for a moment. The sentence... it didn't make sense.

"What?" she found herself asking, though she knew she'd heard her well enough the first time. But it simply made no sense. Rose, however much she'd gone through, however much she'd changed, had always devoted herself to people, her entire life. When she'd been young it was her, then that bastard Jimmy Stone and, finally, the Doctor. And she'd never stopped, not once, no matter what happened to her, no matter how much she'd changed, she always seemed to orientate herself towards that alien man. So why would she ever...?

"I've gotta go back with you, mum."

That... didn't explain anything. Their world, their universe, had not tolerated Rose. No matter how much her daughter had pretended, she, Pete, Mickey and Jake had seen just how close it came to destroying her, though none of them had dared to raise the topic with her.

"But that's gonna kill you," Jackie found herself saying flatly in an absurd twist of fate, her emotions still in havoc but overruled by confusion as she stared at the blonde teen in the blue leatherjacket beside her – though she knew her daughter was older than her, her mind had trouble accepting it, even now, even here when there were suddenly clones and mind transfers and insanity. Just two years ago, she would've scoffed at the idea, would've laughed at her ever being in space or fighting real, live aliens. Yet here she was. And though it had come with aliens and space and losing her daughter to this man, this Doctor, she had gained a son and her Pete back in return. It wasn't a fair bargain, but it would have still left her daughter happy in the end – or so she'd thought.

Her daughter's smile was rueful, her amber eyes dark as she nearly swallowed half the tumbler again in what Jackie recognised only too well as an attempt at drowning out her own thoughts and memories. She'd done the same when she had just lost Pete back when Rose had been still crying and needy.

Her heart clenched and, eyes unseeing, Jackie drowned her own tumbler, ignoring the burning, dismissing the water in her eyes as a consequence of the alcohol rather than allowing herself to dwell on what remained unsaid. It took another full shot, meaning she'd swallowed three whole glasses before Jackie even allowed herself to think about what Rose had mutely confirmed without ever saying the words.

"Why?" she finally asked, her throat dry and scratchy – from the alcohol, Jackie told herself again, ignoring the wet tracks on her cheeks, the burning in her eyes and the agony as her heart twisted violently. She'd thought losing Pete was bad, but it was nothing compared to having your own child confess her impending death.

She wanted to shake her, rattle her, remind her that she couldn't die, that she wasn't _allowed_ to die and certainly not before Jackie herself was well dead and buried and not there to see it. But Rose was older now and no matter how much she sought to forget that fact, every glance in those dark eyes reminded her, every time her daughter barely flinched at the pain, every time her daughter's eyes were found wandering the room again and again as if anticipating an attack any second. And she knew that no matter what Rose had gone through, she would not abandon him, the Doctor – _her_ Doctor – without a pretty damn good reason. ... Either of them, Jackie corrected herself, remembering that cloning – pardon, metacrisis – business. She didn't understand – not that she had put any effort into it – why there were two of him with the exception of wondering what that meant for her daughter.

"'s complicated," Rose said at length and for the first time, Jackie felt a slight stirring of anger. She'd been patient, quiet, hadn't pushed, but enough was enough.

"Then simplify it," she instructed sharply, eyes narrowed and hands clenched tightly around the alcohol in her hand, hoping it would give her the strength not to hit her daughter over the head – or tie her to the Tardis.

Rose gave a barking laugh in response, all sharp and edges and Jackie finally saw what she'd refused to see until then – how close her daughter was to breaking, to falling apart, to giving up once and for all.

"Oh, Rose," she started, her heart going out to her. This was not right, not the way it was meant to be. She was meant to console her over heartbreak, hold her hand when she got proposed to, plan her wedding and give her away to another life; not a single part of her life was meant to be spent on understanding her death or, even worse, preparing herself for it. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right, but then again, Jackie had learned a very long time ago that life was neither of those, had learned it when she buried her husband such a short time after they had started their life together, when she was forced to raise her daughter all by herself in a hostile world without support and without the man she loved.

"'s okay, mum. You're right. I should – need to, really – explain it."

Moments like these reminded her again just how alike they really were, her and Rose, in so many ways. The careful guarding of herself, hunching in on herself, both hands around the alcohol in her hands as if it were her salvation, her eyes dark and veiled, betraying none of her feelings as if they would be a weakness to anyone else. Jackie longed to tell her that she had never met anyone stronger.

"Remember I told you once I saw dad? Met him? That blonde woman at his side? I changed it. Changed time. When I grew up, as long as I can remember, you told me he died alone. I saved him, that first time and the universe nearly died. Just one man and yet his life would've changed the world. He knew. The Doctor knew what I'd done and he would rather die himself – would rather let the entire world die – before being forced to tell me that my father had to die. Again."

A breath, a tired smile that spoke of affection and longing, and Rose continued.

"There are events all across time, events which have to happen, must always happen. People which are so important or their decisions or words are, that if anyone were to change it, they would rip time itself apart and monsters would descend onto the universe, destroying and erasing all of existence. There's one coming up; for me it's already happened but the Doctor and the Tardis have not yet done it. He's gonna... he's gonna change his face, just like last time. 's like dying for him... and he's gonna come and find me and say goodbye. In 2005 on New Year's eve. I remember it, remember him there now. But he hasn't done it yet and he needs to. But it means I can't be in this universe, not in the future or past, because no matter where I hid, he'd find me, he'd contact that me and he wouldn't say goodbye. So I need to go back with you. He's going to send me there. With his other self – his metacrisis. That him is more human and will age and die... and he thinks he can give me his happy ending with that at least. A life with him, one him, even if it's not this him. And I will die the moment the gaps close. And – and this is very, very important – I need you to pull him away from me the moment the Tardis starts disappearing."

Her hands shook badly enough to spill the alcohol but Jackie remained unaware of the liquid soaking her trousers even as Rose leaned over and took the tumbler out of her hands, setting it back on the coffee table. She felt lost, adrift, didn't know what to think, to feel, except for horror and a terrorising kind of fear and endless heartbreak and pain. Her world was shattering, splintering, bit by agonising bit, and she just_ didn't understand_. They got the bad guy, hadn't they? Rose was with the Doctor, two of him. They'd done the impossible and saved not just this universe but every single other parallel world out there. So how was this possible? How was this right?

"I'm sorry, mum, so sorry. But you need to take him with you, need to pull him away. If he touches me, I will kill him..."

A question burned on her tongue, the slightest inkling of hope and yet dread and she hated that Rose could see it, knew what she was asking even if she dared not ever voice it, hated herself for even thinking it, no, contemplating it. He was her friend, too, but... Rose was her daughter.

"No, mum, touching him wouldn't save me," her voice was soft, understanding, but Jackie felt the bile at the back of her throat, truly scared for the first time of herself and at seeing just how far she would be willing to go for her child. "Even if I drained him fully, it would give me a few more months at best, never a year or any more. And even if it did, I wouldn't do it."

Rose's voice had grown firmer towards the end, but Jackie couldn't fault her for it. For a moment she had actually wondered, had contemplated the Doctor dying for her daughter; after all, it was only a copy. There was another him out there, wasn't there? So it was okay, wasn't it? Only she knew no matter how much she tried to rationalise it, there was no way of putting reason to murder, never mind the murder of a friend as close as the Doctor had become to their family. Any version of him.

"There has to be a way," she found herself saying, desperate as her throat tightened until she could scarcely breathe past the constriction, her heart throbbing painfully with every beat, unable to control – or stop – the tears running down her face.

"We just saved the universe, all the parallel worlds – we dragged a planet across the entire universe. You can't tell me-" Jackie choked, a pained gasp dragged out of her as another jolt of sheer agony ran through her as the words faded and she found herself unable to even speak of Rose's death, avoiding the words even as they burned themselves into her heart. "Please, there has to be something, _anything_, he can do."

She found her own sorrow mirrored in her daughter's eyes.

"He can't ever know," Rose said softly but no less firmly before giving her a shaky half-smile, pressing the alcohol back into her hands. Jackie gulped the hypervodka down in one fell swoop; but the burning sensation was absent as was the warmth and the buzz. There was nothing but icy coldness inside of her, coldness and pain. Alcohol always seemed to fail when you needed it most. Eyes dark, Jackie wondered how much more she needed to drink to fall unconscious, to forget.

"If he knew," her daughter continued, her smile turning into something a bit more genuine and affectionate as she thought of the Doctor, "he wouldn't care. I'm half certain he'd let this universe burn and die before sending me back."

And rightly so, Jackie thought grimly. At least then she wouldn't be forgotten. It seemed impossible now, but she'd had no reason to doubt her daughter before now, not in matters like these, so she knew that she would forget her, forget all the precious memories of their life together, their struggles and fights as well as she shared laughter and celebrations. And a life without her – even if Pete and Tony were in it – seemed dreadful and lonely and yet to ask her to give up one for the other seemed unbearable.

"He still needs to know – or that Donna person – so he can find a solution. I won't accept-"

"There is none," Rose interrupted her before she could descend into a full-out rant.

"You go on and on about how clever he is," Jackie found herself saying dismissively though she knew it was fear speaking, not anger. She'd never before felt so afraid in her entire life, not even when she had been faced with the Daleks or people being annihilated, literally. Nothing – _nothing _– compared to this breathtaking, heart-wrenching fear. "You can't always do everythin' yourself. I have taught you that, haven't I? Anyway, it's time for himself to help you. If he's even half as clever as you say, he'll find a way."

"Mum, you're not listening to me."

It was true. She wasn't. She didn't want to hear anymore, know anymore. Wasn't this already more than enough? Had her heart not been sufficiently shattered?

"There is _no_ way. See, the Tardis can see it, all of time, every possible future. It's not going to happen, mum. I might hold out for a few days, but in none of the future scenarios will you ever remember me and in none of those scenarios do I survive."

"But- But if you tell him, he-"

"No, mum. If I tell him, everyone dies. And I would still die. I couldn't bear that, mum. Don't ask me to."

Another full tumbler of hypervodka but still her hands refused to stop trembling. There was the sharp sound of glass hitting the floor, shattering, and an odd keening sound; it took a few moments before Jackie realised that it had been her glass and her making that sound, that she was sobbing uncontrollably now, her entire body shaking with forceful expelling of her grief and the world around her dissolved as she clutched onto her daughter, begging, pleading with any and every deity in existence not to take her from her, not to rip her little girl away from her and yet accepting that it was what would happen. She would never remember the horrendous loss she still had yet to experience, would never remember just how happy Rose had made her, would never get to mourn her loss as she should. Ripped, taken, a part of her heart that she would never know was missing.

* * *

Her mum had finally fallen asleep and Rose rubbed her eyes tiredly, swaying slightly from the alcohol – either that, or the corridor was moving. With the Tardis, you never knew. She had managed to wrangle the promise from her mother to make the Doctor run away, to run away from her, to not listen to her cries of pain because Rose knew that no matter how hard she tried, she would unable to not give voice to it at some point. And they needed to keep running, away from her so the Doctor wouldn't touch her, wouldn't be able to help her. She didn't want him to die, not ever but even less so to give her a few months of agony in a universe she didn't belong in – and without him. She had deemed it less painless to tell her mother that there was no chance of survival than to offer any kind of hope; besides, as far as Jackie was concerned, she would be dead for she would retain no memory of her.

"Rose...?"

Oh, not good. Definitely not good. She'd thought they were all in bed, sleeping off their exhaustion. Glassy-eyed she squinted at corridor ahead of her, trying to bring the world into focus but it was unfortunately rather persistent, swirling and moving until she felt nauseous. And when had she started leaning against the wall? Though she had to admit the wall was good. It was a nice wall. All... stable-like. Non-moving. Maybe.

Rose frowned. Or was it moving? Maybe it was moving her and the corridor was still? Nasty wall. She gave it a look of disgust, pushing herself off and stumbling forward. How did that work again? Left foot, right foot. For the first time she understood her younger brother Tony's trouble with it. It really hadn't seemed that complicated before. But then again, she didn't have four feet before... or six? She dismissed the unnerving thought of five; rather seeing double than losing one.

Her focus was on her feet, trying to tell them to move – all of them – and hoping that it would somehow narrow down into only two feet but alas, the world was not quite that kind. She made what she was sure looked like a rather comical stumble – judging by the snort of laughter from the person down the corridor – as she attempted to move with both feet at once, her arms flapping wildly as she tried to regain her balance. If only she knew where her balance was. Okay, so maybe it hadn't been the wall's fault after all.

There was a cool hand on her waist that provided that wonderful stable feeling she'd been looking for and simultaneously raced across her skin and for the first time she didn't feel like she was burning anymore. In an attempt at casualness she glanced at her arm to check if it really had been burning – she wouldn't be too surprised – but they all looked relatively normal... as far as she could see, anyway. She smacked her lips together, trying to moisten her mouth and get rid of that heavy tongue but it was ridiculously difficult to focus enough to form a full sentence.

"Rose... are you _drunk_?"

There was incredulousness in his voice mixed with laughter and concern and she wanted to tell him desperately that she wasn't drunk, just slightly tipsy, but the world was spinning and everything burnt – everything except his touch.

It seemed only sensible then, she thought, to touch him more. She leaned against him and the burning abated, somewhat, but the clothing obstructed the wonderful chill of his skin. Only reasonable then, she told herself again and before he could figure out what she was doing, her hands had pulled his shirt out and slipped beneath it, giving a sigh of pure relief when she made contact with his cool back.

She ignored his squeak of surprise, the way his body stiffened as if unused to the touch and burrowed her face in his neck with a quiet, satisfied hum. He settled her, calmed her and her entire world centred on him, stopped spinning and duplicating. Then his arms enfolded her, closing around her and tugging her against him and for a moment, Rose thought she couldn't have been happier. Until he pressed a gentle kiss to her head, then she knew what _would_ make her happier.

So she did what made sense; after all, why didn't she want to be happy? There was something in the back of her mind that warned her, asked her to stop, but she ignored it. It seemed foolish to have happy things right there, after all, and not do them. Rising up on her toes, Rose noticed that her Doctor's eyes were widening with panic but she just smiled at him warmly and then pressed her lips on his. He went slack beneath her for a moment before tightening fractionally around her and she felt the barest hint of movement on her lips before he pushed her away. She blinked. Well, that was not nice. Why did he stop?

"I think," he said, hastily clearing his voice when he realised how husky it was, before continuing, "you- ah, need to sober up before, er, doing... that..."

He was fidgeting, tugging on his earlobe, eyes avoiding hers studiously, a slight tinge of pink on his cheek. She pouted and watched his lips quirk up in a reluctant half-smile and that was all the invitation she needed. With what she hoped was a seductive grin, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against him again.

Definitely not her imagination; a slight groan from him, his arms involuntarily tensing, drawing her closer, cool lips against her own for a moment, responding beautifully, before he pushed her away yet again. He shouldn't be pushing her away, Rose silently reprimanded. Why not do what made them both so happy?

A hand drove through his messy hair – hair which was oddly captivating. She wanted to slide her hands through it – the hallmark of a good kiss, in Rose's opinion – wanted to tug at it, wanted to mess it up even further and use it to draw him in further, kiss him harder. But the man attached to that hair, the man with those beautiful brown eyes, was being oddly reticent, pushing her away and yet pulling her in every time she kissed him.

"Rose, we shouldn't- I mean, you're clearly drunk-"

"Tipsy," she corrected him and those delicious lips curved up yet again into a smile that was more of a smirk and for the first time she thought he might be silently laughing at her.

Well, that just wasn't fair. Brows furrowed, she took a step back, her voice trembling as she asked, "do you not want me?"

He looked utterly surprised, eyes wide and mouth open for a moment at her abrupt change in mood and subject, looking slightly panicked at the question before he gathered himself.

"I- You-" A frustrated sigh, another jerky motion through his hair and a muttered curse.

"You know I do," he finally admitted with a slightly irritated hand motion. "But this is neither the time nor the place. Especially not when you're not fully sober."

Her brain sluggishly attempted to find a fault in his logic and Rose bemoaned his use of the word sober as she had no way of throwing a tantrum now, of getting him to kiss her. But she wanted to kiss. And sober it was so much harder to remember this courage and yet every minute in his presence she could already feel herself growing ever more clear-headed. She didn't want clear-headed. Clear-headed Rose didn't get kisses like that one and she wanted them, lots of them, wanted to drown in them, to forget.

Suddenly she stumbled again and this time her stomach lurched with it and she knew what was coming next.

"Doctor... I don't feel so good."

It was a weak whisper but he'd undoubtedly noticed the clamminess of her skin, the green tinge to her face as she rushed past him to the nearest door, the Tardis easily opening up to a bathroom and Rose squeezed her eyes shut as she threw up, her stomach heaving and violently rejecting the copious quantities of alcohol she'd imbibed – along with the fishsticks and vanilla sauce which, funnily enough, never tasted as good coming back up as they did going down.

And that thought had her heaving again. And god, she wished for unconsciousness when she found a cool hand on the back of her neck beneath her hair and another one holding her hair from her face. This wasn't the first time they were in this position – her throwing up, him caring for her unflinchingly. There had been times she'd eaten the wrong food, times where he had even forced her to throw up because he suspected poison or drugs in their meals, but this was the first time she had been drunk in front of him and made herself sick. And now she not only felt pitiful – and disgusting; really, what must he think of humans? – but also revolting.

"Feel better?" There was sympathy in his voice but also amusement and if she didn't think she might throw up in his face – not the best way to thank him for helping her – she might've shown him her affront by hitting him. As it stood, her stomach still felt rather sensitive and so Rose only groaned slightly in response.

The Tardis allowed all the vomit in the toilet to drain away – she had never been able to think of anything but trains where a hole opened up and couldn't help but wonder for the millionth time, if it was left to float around space somewhere. The ship hummed in amusement but didn't respond and Rose had never felt interested enough to push for an answer. The Doctor was kneeling by her side now, one hand on her forehead, mumbling to himself until she, curious even now, pried one of her eyes open to glance at him.

"Whatcha doin'?"

He blinked, seemingly surprised to hear her voice – she longed to tell him that so was she; she'd been half-sure that her throat wouldn't allow her to make any sounds at all.

"Sorry, just checking your temperature and making sure your system is in tip-top shape," he gave her a wide grin but now she could see the concern shining in his eyes, obviously wondering what had happened to make her drink – or, even worse, wondering if she'd become a closet drunk in her absence.

"I don't usually do this," she found herself saying, bursting out with the words before she could stop herself.

And the amusement was back, glinting in his eyes and reflected in the slightly wicked grin forming on his face.

"Never thought you did," he reassured her nonetheless. She wanted to look at him suspiciously, but she felt tired, exhausted even, and weak from the muscle contractions, the forceful expelling of all her food. Never, ever drinking again. Then came the sobering realisation that, most likely, she wouldn't even have the time to drink again.

"Rose...?"

He had seen it, she knew, the hopelessness, the darkness, that had suddenly gripped her, the desolate longing for all the things that could never be.

"'m gonna have a shower," she said instead, knowing that he would feel compelled to go into the next room, to give her the privacy she needed to deal with herself, get herself back under control enough not to slip up again in front of him.

His eyes were searching and she realised they both knew it was a diversion, but he didn't call her out on it, instead giving her a tissue to wipe her mouth and his arm to help her stand. Not for the first time she felt a slight flutter in her chest and could not help but be impressed with the sheer strength he held inside him, the ease with which he propelled her up.

"I have to say," he finally said, grinning teasingly at her and obviously needing to lift the tension between them before he left her, "this is the first time my kiss has made someone throw up. Maybe that's what I should've done with all my enemies," he added, tone mockingly thoughtful and Rose laughed lightly, ever aware of keeping her face turned away from him so he wouldn't smell what she could taste on her breath.

He obviously read her much better than she gave him credit for, rolling his eyes at her clear avoidance and pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head.

"I don't care," he told her yet again, as he did every time but Rose just shook her head, shooing him out with a gesture and he complied with a sigh – but only after making sure she was stable now on her own two feet.

As he stepped out, she noted that the door didn't open into the corridor anymore but rather into her bedroom. Casually, as he had done most times she took a shower, he flopped down on the bed, eyes towards the ceiling and started rambling on about anything at all that floated through his mind; sometimes it was other races, customs or planets. But sometimes, rarely, it was about him or his past. She knew he needed it, the ability to talk to her, knowing she could hear him but wouldn't respond, the ability to just let go and share anything that came to mind without fear of interruption.

* * *

Drunk, huh? His lips curled up, he stared at the ceiling. This was the first time he had seen her fully drunk – and yes, okay, he could've done without the vomiting, but nevertheless he had been incredibly amused by his favourite blonde. Up until then he had been engulfed in his dark thoughts, in trying to figure out if he could ever bring himself to leave her behind – even if it was to a supposedly better – and safer – life. Losing her, losing Rose, was definitely not a pleasant thought. Giving her up of his own free will torturous and seemed impossible. How could anyone – especially another version of him – ever ask him to do that?

But then she'd been there, stumbling and glaring and seemingly having arguments with either the Tardis or the wall and floor. It was... unexpectedly charming. He had noted the slight clumsiness in her movements, the hard stare she gave her feet as if ordering them to move... and he had wanted nothing more than to sweep her up and kiss her. And then seemingly read his mind, for that was nearly precisely what she'd done, minus the sweeping bit.

Though before that she'd put her hands on his bare back and the sensation still made him shiver lightly. He had been rather surprised at feeling her hands under his shirt; sometimes, at night, Rose sought out his touch, his skin, in more places than just his hands but this was the first time she had done so while conscious and under his shirt no less – though, arguably, she had not been entirely aware of her actions.

He was somewhat concerned by hopelessness that had flitted across her eyes for a moment but had been forced to dismiss it; after all she didn't yet know she'd leave him – as far as Rose was concerned, she had made her way back, her mother was here, there shouldn't be anything to inspire that look in her, right?

Rose had never rejected him, had always understood his need to be in her presence sometimes – as well as his occasional need to be away from her and bury himself in Tardis parts. Even when he really should've drawn the line – like staying in her room when she had a shower next door. But Rose had never reprimanded him, had, in fact, never so much as mentioned it and just accepted it as what she undoubtedly thought of as one of his quirks, unaware that she was the only one he had never been able to control himself around.

So despite the occasional prods of his conscience, he remained but a room away from her, the door between open slightly to allow for easy communication between the two. The Tardis could've easily installed other ways for them to talk, he knew, but Rose had never asked and he'd never offered. He couldn't see – would never dare to look, his eyes steadfast on the ceiling – but it was still crossing a line that he would've never even contemplated crossing with any other companion.

"Remember I told you once that I'd been married, had children? Well, when I first started travelling, it was with my granddaughter. She wanted to go to school on Earth. Couldn't understand why, me. Think last me, but older and much, much grumpier and more condescending. Come to think of it, I was a lot more like the rest; rebellious – as always – but not like now. More Time Lord-y." He grinned slightly at the word, eyes still on the ceiling.

"What was her name?" Rose's question was soft, warm, and he smiled though she couldn't see it, his hearts filled with the memory of the child who had seen and understood well before him just how fantastic humans were.

"Susan. Susan Foreman. Or at least that's what she went by when we were here. Her name on Gallifrey was," he hesitated for a moment, but eventually it came out naturally, inflected with a soft, paternal love he'd always had for the granddaughter – far more than for his own child, "**Arkytior**."

There was hesitancy in the silence that followed and he could feel his eyebrows rising in curiosity though he still dared not look in the direction of the door.

"You think of me as your granddaughter?" she ventured tentatively and he couldn't help but laugh at the genuine dread in her voice.

"Rassilon, no," he said quickly. "And definitely not in any other kind of parental role."

The memories of both kisses in the hallway were remarkably vivid, the taste of her stronger than even the hypervodka she'd consumed, her lips soft and her body pliant and languid against his, the alcohol relaxing her muscles. The second time she'd leaned forward he hadn't been as surprised and though he really should've, he hadn't stopped her; and once her lips had been on his, her mouth fitting so perfectly over his own, he had lost, just for a moment, that tiniest thread of control he'd held onto for so long, responding though he'd known she was intoxicated.

He had longed for it for so long, had wished it, dreamt it, and yet none could compare to reality. For the first time, he had gotten to taste her, to taste Rose Tyler and it was addictive, his body, his lips, burning for her, needing, craving more of her, to explore every inch of her skin and discover if she tasted the same everywhere, to find out if he could ever be sated, if he could ever have enough of her.

He heard her sigh lightly in relief and found himself grinning mischievously, trying to suppress his mind's wanderings.

"Why? What did you think I thought of you?" There was a hint of laughter in his voice giving away to her that he was amused rather than serious and he could almost see Rose blush in his mind and sticking her tongue out at him – temptingly, to him and he wished he had thought to deepen the kiss. It was unlikely, after all, that he would he get another chance to find out?

"Shut up," came her embarrassed reply before his overactive mind could supply him with more details on everything he wanted to find out before she left – though he still wasn't sure; would that make her departure harder or easier? And did it matter? In the end, no matter how much more difficult it would be to part from her, he still wanted to at least have that memory to hold onto.

"Okay, I won't tell you about Susan then. How about I tell you about Del'g'ard instead? It's a planet with only amphibians on it."

He laughed at her frustrated noise, knowing very well that she wanted to know more about his past. The Time Lord choked abruptly, his voice having deserted him, when he heard the telltale sound of cloth sliding against skin; Rose was undressing.

"Right..."

His voice was too high, far too high! It needed to be lower, he reminded himself – and quickly so as to not be suspicious.

"So, Susan." Susan. That's right. Safe topic. Susan. His hearts calmed down, his hands were less frantic and it wasn't a struggle anymore to keep his eyes off that thrice-damned door separating from a naked Rose Tyler.

He swallowed hard, having once again forgotten what it was he had intended to talk about as his mind taunted him with the bits of her skin he'd seen before, had felt. Would it all be that soft?

"Right..." His voice was softer and he tried, desperately, to recollect what it was he had been talking about. At least it wasn't high-pitched anymore. That was good, right?

"Susan, Doctor?" Rose prodded him and he swallowed quickly, closing his eyes tightly and wishing he could do the same to his ears as he heard her unsnap her bra. It was torture, every time, and yet exquisite and he loved that she trusted him enough to bare herself in every sense of the word without hesitation, trusting him to respect her. And that's what it always came back to, what made it so much easier. She wasn't his to see, not yet, and he would never willingly betray her trust.

"Susan, yes." His voice was firm and the tension had left his body. "You'd have loved her."

And with the familiar sound of water hitting skin and running down in rivulets to the floor, the sound of skin on skin and the quiet noises of shampoo in her hair – and conditioner – he explained his first adventure to her, the way he'd abducted Ian and Barbara, Susan's teachers and, unwilling to admit he'd never been the best at piloting a Tardis, had ended up in one mad scramble after another. He loved to hear her laughing and alternatively scolding him gently for his behaviour. It was like a balm, soothing, something he hadn't even known he'd missed. He'd forgotten how easy it was to tell her everything, to know that no matter what he'd done, she'd always forgive him, would never judge him based on his past sins.

The door opened and his eyes flicked over automatically before he could process it and his voice cut off in a strangled gasp, forcing himself to focus on the ceiling again, hands clenched in the duvet.

"Relax. 'Sides, 's not like I'm naked. You've seen me in less."

And he had; in his old body Rose had occasionally managed to coerce him to bring her to a beach. So yes, he had seen her in what was tantamount to underwear – a bikini. Yet there was something incredibly alluring and personal about seeing her clad in only a towel, hair and skin glistening still with wet waterdrops.

Relax, indeed. He opened his mouth and started talking again but he honestly could not remember about what, his mind singularly focused on that one image which seemed to have imprinted itself on his eyes and his mind. He swallowed convulsively, fisting his hands in the hope of regaining control over his body – mainly his eyes, though, which threatened to stray where they had no business straying to.

"Should I...?"

She knew what he was asking though he could not bring himself to actually say the words, to actually offer to leave the room.

"Nah, just grabbin' some stuff. Be back in a jiffy."

Unwittingly he made a desperate sound in the back of his throat and in a frantic attempt to distract them both, he started babbling yet again.

"Really? A jiffy? You know a jiffy is technically zero point zero one six seven seconds. If you do get dressed that quickly, you might want to think about applying for a world record. Though, on second thought, I'm not sure how they'd measure that? Would someone stand there to make sure you were ... Well, naked? That'd be a bit awkward."

Rose laughed lightly and then, finally, door opened for the second time. Hesitantly – almost cautiously – he lowered his eyes to her and to his relief found a fully dressed blonde companion in front of him. However, to his consternation, Rose grinned widely at the relief evident on his face but there wasn't really anything he could say in his defense so he resorted to glaring at her mutinously which provoked another full out laugh from her.

Her eyes finally roamed the room and he followed her sight and flinched slightly. There was the shirt she'd discarded before their last adventure, still half-hanging off her side of the bed – and they had sides of the bed, how odd was that? – her heels from the night before in front of the desk, one standing one lying sideways and yet more clothes lying here and there. And yet not a bit of dust could be found, the Tardis on orders to keep her room like this even in storage; he hadn't been able to help himself.

Her amber eyes met his and conveyed a sadness he didn't know how to identify.

"This isn't my room," she finally said, stepping closer to him until her hand landed on his. "This is a shrine."

He wanted to deny her words, he really did, but they got stuck in his throat and he averted her eyes – Rose saw too much, saw everything even when he didn't want her to, like now. It had been a sanctuary, a home... and, yes, a shrine, a relic of his past with her and he had known back then it wasn't healthy just as he did now. He had never been able to justify it to himself, this lapse in judgment, this emotional need he'd succumbed to, time and again, so how could he ever justify it to her?

When he finally met her eyes again he saw the indecision in her eyes, the trepidation before he saw her grit her teeth, determination shining in her eyes.

"Doctor, there's something I need to tell you."

The Tardis gave him a warning hum but he ignored her. He could deal with his ship later; he was far more interested in Rose right now.

"Something happened. To me, I mean. And there's now a fix-"

Her words were cut off as the room was doused in a red light and the loud sound of the cloister bells interrupted Rose. Eyes wide he jumped off the bed, grabbing her hand almost automatically and pulling her behind him towards the console room.

They'd just finished saving the universe! How the hell had it managed to find itself just short of tearing apart again so quickly? Had no one ever heard of a break?

* * *

He was running around the console, looking at the screen just as Jack burst in, followed a moment later by Donna and his metacrisis. They all immediately went to a screen, crowding around to see the data.

"That makes no sense," his metacrisis finally said.

"Yeah, thanks, I figured that out myself," he grunted sarcastically, flicking a few switches to demand yet another analysis from the Tardis.

"But seriously, this is saying that nothing's wrong," Jack said, his eyes riveted to the monitor. At least Donna, his metacrisis and him were now all running diagnostics.

The sound of the cloister bells stopped abruptly and the normal light returned just as Jackie found her way in, eyes glassy and holding her head. Sarah Jane, Martha and Mickey were already standing beside Rose, unnoticed.

"Are you _drunk_?" His metacrisis asked with a flabbergasted stare at Jackie and he found himself chuckling; so that was who Rose had been drinking with. Made sense. Their goodbye – they didn't yet know they didn't need to. Jackie gave them both a glare that didn't look half as threatening with the red eyes and squinting eyes – not to mention she couldn't quite hold her balance either.

"Should've seen Rose earlier," he said with a grin, enjoying the sharp glare from her as everyone, inevitable, turned to look at her.

"Ooh, freshly showered, I see," Jack said with a lascivious grin and the Doctor's smile slipped. Shouldn't the Captain be concentrating on more important things like, you know, the end of the universe?

Rose just rolled her eyes.

"Alone, as always, or do you see either of them with wet hair?" she complained and he couldn't help but self-consciously touch his hair, noting that his metacrisis did the same and both were suddenly subjected to much more intense scrutiny after their actions.

"God, Doctor, couldn't you have held off for just a few moments? Now everyone thinks you jumped in the shower with me," her tongue poked out between her lips and he was glad to find she wasn't truly angry with him, just slightly exasperated and teasing him.

"Well, to be fair," Jack said, giving him and Rose another once over, "when have we not thought of you two in the shower together?"

Sarah Jane laughed out loud at that remark and he found his lips curling up unwillingly, though he pretended his full attentions were still on the Tardis scans.

"So, boss, what was that?" Mickey finally said and even he could admit to feeling just the tiniest hint of gratefulness for distracting everyone's attention from the current topic of conversation.

"Cloister bells; they herald the end of the universe. Happens every so often. Actually, happened rather recently, didn't it, Donna? ... Say, Rose, you've not been feeling particularly like becoming, say, Bad Wolf and doing something that may or may not end in the total destruction of the universe? ... No? Good. Best keep it that way."

He winced when her curious expression turned into one of outrage – and guilt?

"You do remember who saved you that day, don't you?" He scrambled to the other side of the console at her words and menacing steps forward, in his direction. Distance. Distance was good. Then, for an instant, he wondered if he could still touch her hand from here and then immediately reprimanded himself; why would he want to touch her? She was angry with him!

"Who came to save you? To destroy the Daleks?"

"Yes, well, it came up far more recently as well and it always seems to come up when catastrophe is about to strike..."

"I came back to save this universe and every other universe out there! Bad Wolf is there to save the world, not destroy it!"

There was vehemence to her words lending them a different meaning he couldn't quite grasp but Jackie seemed to understand, even half-drunk, her mouth twisting into a pained grimace before she turned and left again, silent. For a moment he felt tempted to follow her, but Sarah Jane was already on her way and he couldn't help but feel relieved. He liked Jackie well enough, but he still had a way of saying the wrong thing to both Tyler women occasionally – Bad Wolf was a case in point. And Sarah Jane was always good with people, even more so as she grew older, away from him.

"Right, course not. Never said you were going to destroy the world... just that, you know, you might... accidentally."

Jack groaned and he felt like echoing the noise. Definitely another case in point. He wasn't handling this very well; he wondered if her kiss or her incidental nakedness earlier still had him thrown off. His metacrisis and Donna certainly seemed to be able to keep functioning, running scans and analyses while he stood there uselessly, trying to find a way out of making Rose angry during her last few hours with him.

"One thing I've been wondering," Jack interrupted the tense silence between them, "why is it flashing for camp rather than danger? Shouldn't it be mauve?"

"Ask Rose," the Time Lord suggested, the hint of a smile on his face. As expected, the words made her giggle. Good. Maybe a thank you to Jack wouldn't go amiss, seeing how often he'd saved him today from incurring Rose's wrath.

* * *

An hour passed and his companions filtered out, one by one; Donna even forced the metacrisis to follow her so he was left alone with Rose. She was sitting on the pilot seat, stretched out comfortably, watching him.

"**Found anything**?"

Her words were soft, cautious, the Gallifreyan syllables falling from her tongue with far more ease than he'd expected. The sound still startled him, his hearts inevitably racing as they always did when she spoke in his tongue.

"**No, nothing. I guess... I guess she needs to be recalibrated.**"

Except he could see nothing that would affect her the way he said it did, nothing so monumentally awry that she thought the universe was in imminent danger. It still made no sense, but he was definitely certain that there was nothing out there that would prove dangerous enough to put the entire universe at risk, imminent or otherwise. So, for now, there was nothing he could do.

"**I know what you've got planned.**"

He must have looked as confused as he felt, a part of him wondering if maybe Rose had picked the wrong word accidentally, until she gave him a sad smile and suddenly it did make sense, even before she elaborated.

"**You're going to drop mum and me off in Pete's world with the other you, aren't you?**"

His hearts clenched and he avoided her eyes; there was too much knowledge in them, too much pain. A part of him had wanted to discuss it with her, wanted her to know so she could reject it outright and yet a larger part of him had not wanted her to know, had wanted to push her towards that other him because, in the end, what could he offer her? Nothing. A life, always in danger, always running, never stopping. No family, no security, the loss of her parents and younger brother. The other him could offer her that and more.

"**He's human,**" he found himself saying, using the same line against her that his metacrisis had used against him. "**Or at least human enough.**"

"**If it was human I wanted, I never would have left Mickey. Or I would've been with Jack; god knows he made enough offers.** **But it's you I stayed with, your language I learned, Doctor. I never have and still don't expect anything, but don't tell me you're doing this because he's human and you're not. You know that for me, that's never been an issue.**"

The gratitude came first, followed quickly by longing which he forced himself to squash. He wanted what she was offering him but he knew it was foolish; she might not understand but he'd seen it, had watched people he'd known turn and age in the blink of an eye, growing resentful of his youth, his defiance of the death they seemed to speed towards.

"I've told you once and I'll tell you again," he forced his voice to be harsh, trying to put her off, trying not to let her know how much each word, each syllable, hurt, how much it pained him to push her towards that other version of him.

"You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can't spend the rest of mine with you. The other... My metacrisis. He can. He can give you what you want. A lifetime with... me. We'll both age. Together," he cut himself off, forcing an even breath though he felt like he was being strangled, his throat tight, his hearts clenched and in agony and yet, still, he had to push on. He needed to. For her.

"Stuff of Legend, remember?"

It was their memory, _theirs_. It wasn't right, tainting it, twisting it like this. Rose was his, she loved him, him – not that half-human version. And he wanted her, needed her.

She was beside him, her hand on his cheek, her amber eyes so warm, so full of love and yet so full of grief and he only barely stopped himself from retracting his words.

"'s okay, Doctor. _My Doctor_," there was so much love in those two words that he felt himself shudder slightly beneath her touch, the words affecting him more than he cared to admit to after such a long time apart. "Of course I'll go to Pete's world. Can't leave me mum alone, can I? And Tony. 's okay."

But it wasn't. It was far from alright. He wanted to cry, wanted to beg her to stay with him, to ignore his words, ignore sense and reason and do the impossible; give him forever. And he should really thank her for seeing his pain, for trying to help him, for trying to soothe it. And yet he did neither, pain strangling his voice, hands trembling and eyes closing, trying to avoid the amber eyes that didn't look at him with the accusation he felt she should've held.

"Just wish I had a bit more time."

Too true. Even now, the rips and tears between the universes were mending, the gaps growing smaller with each passing second.

He couldn't help himself, watching her again. He had never thought he needed to again, and yet here he was, trying to memorise every inch of her; every smile, every curve of her lips, every expression her eyes and face could hold, the way she felt in his arms, her warmth, her scent; everything that made Rose Tyler, Rose Tyler and therefore the most important person in _every_ universe.

"So many things I wanted to see," she continued, her amber eyes glistening and he pressed a desperate kiss to her forehead, trying to stem his own flood of emotions, to stop himself from losing control.

"So many things I wanted to do," she continued, unaware of his emotional turmoil.

"It's not fair," he finally confessed. "There are so many things I wanted to tell you. I stopped myself, far too often. Should have just said them. Now I will never get to tell you. It will be _him_ instead..."

He continued ruefully after a slight pause, "By Rassilon, I'm a Time Lord and yet the one thing I always seem to run short of, is time."

After a breath, Rose opened her mouth but he cut her off, needing to say the words now that he knew he would never get another chance. "He will help you. He'll support you. I'm so sorry about this afternoon; I shouldn't have ever questioned you like that and especially not then... And I just wanted you to know that he won't make that mistake. He will be there for you, I promise..."

Desperation raced through him, growing stronger with each and every breath, hearts aching as he stared at her, knowing that it would likely be his last time alone with her, with the woman he loved and he would yet have to give her away to someone else. Her happiness, he reminded himself and his heavy hearts, was paramount.

"I wanted to be the one to tell you, to share it with you. But now I won't get the chance. It'll be him, instead. He will get to watch it, watch these lines deepen," he found himself tracing the tiny grooves around her mouth, "over the years with laughter, he will get to watch your hair turn grey, will get to be there for every single moment, big or small over the years. And he will get to tell you the one thing I've wanted to tell you for so long. My name. And _it won't be me._"

Her mouth was agape and then she took another step, closer still, her voice hesitant as she ventured, "your name?"

He found himself blinking in surprise for a moment before flushing slightly.

"Well, I'd never asked, I'd just sort of assumed that, well, given what you said and everything else, you'd... well, we'd-" he cut himself off. The rest of the sentence should be obvious, shouldn't it? He didn't need to finish it, did he?

Her amber eyes widened for a moment before she looked at him searchingly, her hand on his chest and her lips curling up ever so slightly.

"I mean, yes. I just sorta assumed that, well, you didn't do that. Not with your companions."

How could she look at him and see so much and yet so little? How could she not know what made up the biggest part of him; his love for her?

"I don't," he said gently, pushing one of the strands of her hair behind her ear. "Donna, Sarah Jane, Mickey, Jack, Susan and hundreds of others. They're all companions. I would never marry them. But you, Rose Tyler, you're so much more than a companion, always have been. You are the one person in every reality, all of time and space, that I have ever wanted to tell me name to. I have been running for nearly two millennia now, running from rules and domesticity; and for you, I would live in a house, with a carpet and even a dog with a nose. There is very little I wouldn't be capable of, for you. And giving you my name is just the beginning and you'll have the rest of your life ahead with him. And it'll be beautiful."

There were tears in her eyes, amber eyes shining brightly, but a warm smile was on her lips and her hand was now interwoven with his, her face but a few millimetres from his.

"I would love that," she confessed with a shy laugh and his hearts felt heavier though he tried to smile for her sake.

"Well," she amended suddenly, "I like the idea of getting married to you. But for the rest, well, I'd much prefer running. I've stood still for too long and I can't stand it. I don't ever want to stop."

She would've stayed with him. And though he knew not why it mattered anymore, especially when her future would mean she was chained to Earth, his hearts felt lighter and without thinking about it, he leaned forward, touching his lips to hers.

The moment they made contact, he froze, uncertain as the realisation of what he was doing suddenly settled in, but then Rose sighed lightly, a gentle exhale, and moulded her body to his and he gave in. There was no point in holding back anymore; Rose was fully aware now and their time together was limited and if this was all he'd ever have and she was offering it of her own free will, then he had not the restraint to stop her – or himself. So he gave in.

He pulled her tighter to him still, his lips moving against hers gently, trying to elicit a reaction from her. His blonde companion made a slight noise of content from the back of her throat that had him fairly shivering, before one of her hands buried itself in his hair, her soft mouth firming slightly as she responded. He had one hand on her lower back, allowing it to slip gently – and slowly – beneath her leather jacket and top, hearts racing as he half-expected a gentle rebuke from the blonde in his arms; except it never came. He used that hand to press her body tighter against him, a silent thank you to Rose for allowing him to touch her so intimately. This body was very, very sensitive, and even with her clothes every nerve on his body was alit with fire but actually touching her skin, touching her back, feeling her curve against him, tremble under his touch, her skin so very, very soft under his hand and incredibly warm. His other hand had slid beneath her hair, enjoying the feeling of the soft, wet strands against him as he gently cradled the back of her head, deepening their kiss.

The bare skin, her body against his, her warmth, all of those were familiar in many ways and yet the simple fact that her lips were on his suddenly meant that every touch, every breath, every curve and every noise was something new to discover, something intriguing and mysterious that needed to be investigated, explored. For so long he had longed for her, missed her, had thought he had missed his chance – this chance and so it shouldn't have been such a surprise to him when, slowly, his passion turned desperate, needy, in the knowledge that this would be the only – and the last time – he ever got to kiss her, to show Rose Tyler how much he loved her; another man would soon be doing this, would make her gasp and moan like this.

And he nearly lost control – except it wasn't him who took action. Rose's hands had, at some point and somehow entirely without his notice, left his head and suddenly was on his tie. Before he could register or protest – not that he would've, had he known what she was doing – she had turned them around and pushed him up against the coral, pulling him down and kissing him again; but not cautiously or gently, not a tentative exploration between newly minted lovers but a desperate kiss that spoke of goodbye and of barely leashed passion. Her hands were frantic, half-pulling, half-ripping his shirt to touch him, to feel his skin and he nearly groaned out loud when he suddenly felt her warm hand on him, pulling him closer as he had earlier. Her lips parted suddenly and her tongue swiped his mouth gently and this time he had no more restraint; he moaned and opened his mouth, welcoming her inquisitive tongue – the very same one which had taunted him so frequently and now offered him, finally, the chance to play with it, to taste it, taste her.

This regeneration had always had an uncanny need to taste everything; but above all else, he had always wanted – no, craved Rose, needed to taste her, explore every inch of her with his tongue. To now be granted such a privilege, one he had never expected, he found he could no longer hold onto his restraint. When Rose responded with a slight moan, he followed her invitation, allowing himself to finally explore her mouth, play with her tongue, taste everything she was and submerge himself in the blissful hot, wet heat she had offered him.

There weren't any words to adequately describe what Rose Tyler tasted like to him. There were the physical things like Mint from the toothpaste and a mix of honey and vanilla he'd always attributed to her, but, more than anything, he could taste freedom. Freedom to be who he was around her, to let go of all his walls and barriers, to relax in the safe knowledge that she would always catch him just as he would always catch her.

He had forgotten himself, had forgotten everything, had allowed himself to explore and accept all of her just as she did with him, when suddenly she pulled back and it took him a few moments before he could see pas the slight haze of desire that covered his eyes and had welled up in his hearts, to remember that she needed to breathe. Her head was only slightly away from him as she gasped in the air and for the first time he became aware that she still had him pressed against the coral strut behind him. He almost grinned at that but decided that he was far more interested in what she was still offering him now, here, with her neck bared.

It took him a few seconds – an embarrassment, really, it should have been less than a second – but with the calculations made, he easily reversed their positions, pressing the blonde against the same coral. His hands slid easily under her bottom, allowing himself a bare moment to touch the round globes – he had been tempted with them so many times before when she'd worn tight jeans and swayed seductively just a few feet from him that he couldn't just let the opportunity pass by unacknowledged – before he lifted her up so she was face to face with him. Rose gave a breathless laugh at his actions and he couldn't help but grin devilishly at her as, with one smooth move, he stepped between her legs and watched, in silent satisfaction, as she abruptly stopped laughing, sucking in a hasty breath at his actions. She recovered quickly though, her legs wrapping around his waist and, slightly reluctantly, he allowed his hands to slip out from beneath her, using his body and leverage to keep her aloft, groaning in relief when her body was once again pressed against him. He didn't know how he could ever give her up now. His entire body was flushed with heat, every touch a jolt across millions of nerves, sending signal after signal to his brain, intent on absorbing every inch of Rose, memorising every part of her he could reach and touch.

Softly, gently, he followed the curve of her neck with one of his hands until Rose allowed her head to fall sideways, baring the stretch of skin to him without a second thought and he followed the temptation. He started at her chin, trailing kisses along her jaw, intent on exploring and tasting every inch of that one beloved part of her body which jutted out slightly, betraying her stubborn nature to the world. He could definitely see why several cultures thought a woman's neck was an irresistible temptation. Seeing her slightly sunkissed skin stretched out in one smooth line from the top of her jaw right down to her shoulder, her jacket askew and top pulled down offering him a full view of the enticing flesh, his eyes darkened with unbridled desire and he gave in to every thought and fantasy he'd ever had as he lowered his mouth to take her in again.

Her neck was soft and there was the slightest sheen of sweat on her, adding a slight tinge of salt, mixing with the natural sweet taste of her and hefty dose of her pheromones which had him straining for a moment to not take things further than he ought to, before he filtered it out of his system. His hands trembled with need when Rose moaned, loudly, as his tongue rushed out and found her pulse point, her blood rushing through frantically as her heartbeat drummed loudly through her. He suckled the soft flesh for a moment, loving the slight noises and involuntary tensing of muscles that his beloved was unable to stop herself from making. After a few seconds he moved on further down, trailing kisses and tasting her as more and more of her delectable skin was bared to him.

He nuzzled the hollow of her throat, grinning slightly when the blonde laughed slightly. Though the moment he kissed the skin there, his tongue darting out from between his lips to taste her, she stopped before melting in his arms and mewling – a sound he had never before heard her make – when he sucked the soft flesh into his mouth, biting her very, very gently.

He loved it, that honest response he got from Rose as he explored her further, allowing him to see exactly what she merely enjoyed and what made her desire spike – she was as honest here as in everything else, holding nothing back and allowing him to see her without restraint or pretense. And, though her blush spoke of slight embarrassment, she still did nothing to hide herself, watching him and making tiny noises and gasps that he had already locked away deep within himself for he knew he would never get to see her like this again.

And then he found her scar, the one he'd gotten a glimpse of before; it ran from the nape of her neck diagonally across to just above her breast – which were still covered in her shirt. He traced the line with his tongue and delighted in her responsiveness, her entire body shuddering slightly and her teeth biting her bottom lip as a half-strangled moan escaped her. Her breasts were heaving and, as his attention had been caught by the flash of white earlier, he leaned forward and captured her lips again and was granted another moan and her hands tugging at his hair in slight desperation as he suckled at her bottom lip before teasing it gently with his teeth. And even though he knew he would never get the chance to repeat this, any of it, he couldn't help but memorise every action he had taken which had Rose gasping in lust.

As if she knew the turn his thoughts had taken – and he wouldn't be too surprised if she did, indeed, somehow know – they both started clinging to each other again, their kisses increasingly laced with desperation. He could feel it, time running out, slipping out from beneath his hands, and he held her tighter to him though he could feel her slipping away further and further with every passing second. Rose didn't complain about how hard he was pressing them together, rather she tried to her best to lessen the gap between them even further, clutching and pulling at him, her legs drawing him close and he let out a strangled gasp when he touched her core, the heat unbearable and yet drawing him in like a moth to a flame; but it was sobering, lifting the haze of lust he'd been drowning in.

With great effort he slowed their kisses and it took all he had to resist the desperate noise Rose made as she tried to pull him closer to her and he stood firm. After another few kisses, each one pulling at his hearts, he slowly lowered her to the floor again, telling her without words that reality had to, once again, intrude and they had to return to the real world – a world which foresaw him alone for the rest of his life, away from the woman he loved.

In a moment of weakness he allowed himself to drown in her again, to kiss her with everything he had, to offer her everything he was and to receive her in return, her lips parting willingly and her pink tongue curling around his, stroking, darting, dancing, before, painfully, he forced himself to return to reason again. She was beautiful like this; clothes askew, hair wet and mussed, eyes darkened with lust and hazy with pleasure, cheeks tinged pink and breasts heaving from the exertion. This was how he wanted to remember, he abruptly decided.

Rose Tyler was an absolute vision. She was temptation in person, embodied everything enticing and daring him to show her the true heights of pleasure, beguiling him as she filled all of his senses and he knew then and there that he would never be able to feel for anyone as he did for her, would never be able to forget her, not if he lived another ten millennia, would never find satisfaction in anyone else again for they would never be her. She was his siren and now that he had heard her call, he was blind and deaf to anyone else.

His hand found her cheek, caressing the soft skin and remembering how her taste had filled his mouth but a few moments ago. And then he said the words, the only ones he could ever offer her for already he could hear the steps from the corridor which heralded the return of his metacrisis.

"**I love you.**"

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Yay! Merry Christmas y'all! I would love to hear from you!

I hope I got the intoxication sort-of right; I've never been drunk, so I'm just going by hearsay rather than anything else. I hope you had as much fun reading a drunk Rose as I did writing her though. Quick warning, I'll be a while with the next chapter as I'm on holiday, too.

Please review.

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Below are responses to previous reviews.

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**SassyFrassKerr**

Merry Christmas and thank you for your review. I completely understand your hatred of me right now. Thank you for giving me a longer review though than just argh! Though it would've definitely been an understandable reaction.

I loved Jack too. He's brilliant. And you got a bit more of Jackie here – though not in a fun way, I'm afraid. And yes, it does as you saw in this chapter. Once the walls have closed, Rose won't be able to touch her mother or the metacrisis. Hope you enjoyed this end a lot more! And drunk Rose. Drunk Rose was fun to write! I hope you have a brilliant Christmas and please leave me another review and stick with me.

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**Guest** **\- Silvay**

Hi again! Thank you very much for your review. I'm glad you're still interested; I'll do my best to keep it that way, then. They will all have a role to play later on again, so it was kind of necessary to explain them a bit more now. I'm glad you liked them! It's very flattering you think it would fit into the original plot! I so hope you enjoyed this chapter – including my drunken Rose and the kisses! I would love to hear from you again and wish you the very best of Christmases in the mean time!

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**mariontyler **

Thank you for your review! I am glad you feel as horrible about tearing Ten and Rose apart as I do. I was commiserating (and, admittedly, congratulating) with my beta about how evil our plan was. Ah well, you'll hopefully still enjoy the rest though. I hope you enjoyed my drunken Rose and all the kisses. Have a happy Christmas and wonderful holiday period! I'd love to hear from you again!

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**Tiggrchic982**

I sympathise with your anger and thanks for leaving a review anyway. While I am looking forward to Rose and Eleven, it was heartbreaking pulling Ten and her apart; it somehow really doesn't seem fair and yet it has to happen for the rest of my plot to unfold. And I loved writing the fishfingers and custard bit; imagine his reunion with Rose and when she finds out that's his current body's favourite food! Martha was good fun once I got her right; I'm glad you enjoyed her. Afraid the eavesdroppy stuff had to happen; Tardis POV is far too hard to write for something like this and I doubted she would have been interested in it for long enough to keep her attentions solely focused on them. It's humany-wumany stuff, not very interesting to the ship but all the more so to poor Martha.

Jack is brilliant! I love him, too. And with nine – snarky, flirting, it was brilliant! Hope you enjoyed Jackie in this chapter. If I'm lucky, the kisses you all convinced me to incorporate with your heartfelt pleas for Ten and Rose togetherness, have made you a bit more amenable towards me. Let me know what you think of this chapter, please :) Have wonderful Christmas with all your loved ones!

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**TheDoctorMulder **

Thanks for your wonderful review! I know, I think everyone hoped I'd keep Ten and Rose together one way or the other; unfortunately that's not going to happen. Sorry. I do hope the kisses made it a bit better though. And she will reunite with Eleven. I hope this chapter clarified what will likely happen in the other world a bit for everyone.

Agreed; I really like River but just not as the Doctor's wife. River, Amelia's daughter, is very cool. She's got pretty cool lines and is a fun character all around – clever, quick, daring and flirty. I agree, she's surprisingly Mary Sue – apart from the fact that, you know, she dies, she's surprisingly perfect. The fact that she's been trained to kill the Doctor has somehow been reworked to be in her favour so, yes, definitely a Mary Sue; not a single flaw to be found. The wedding really rubbed me the wrong way. How many of his companions have sacrificed so much for him? Why is River suddenly the one he marries? And for no apparent reason! She just tried to destroy the universe and while, yes, that is an expression of love like Rose did for her dad, it's not any more or less than a lot of other people have done for him. And it doesn't justify marrying her. What, he suddenly, miraculously, fell in love with her that instant? Pah! Anyway, River will feature, of course, later on, but she will never be his wife.

And yes, your realisation is spot on. Rose won't be able to touch the metacrisis once the walls have closed. Sorry. Anyway, I do hope you enjoyed this chapter and I would love to get another review from you. Have a brilliant Christmas!

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**Guestshower**

Hi! Sorry, curiosity killed the cat and all that – but where does your nickname stem from? Either way, thank you for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter. I hope you're still reading and would love to hear what you think from the latest chapter. Have a merry Christmas!

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**Loca8892 **

Thank you very much for your review. I hope you enjoyed the other chapters (past chap2) and are still reading.

*lol* I definitely like your sense of morals. To explain a bit; you can actually push your own pain back if your significant other is in distress because your heart automatically goes out to them. And while, yes, the Doctor did kiss Madame de Pompadour, it's like George Clooney walking up to you and kissing you; you're not really going to start anything deeper but hey, this is someone you admire / fancy kissing you. It's understandable that you will respond. And he never loved Reinette but he does love Rose and he's desperately trying to put up barriers between them.

And boy, I would have loved Jack along on that adventure. That would've been brilliant! Not sure he would've punched him, but in his own unique way Jack would've made the Doctor aware how inconsiderate he was being and how much he was hurting Rose.

Anyway, I hope you're still reading and I'd love to hear from you. Have a great Christmas!

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**AiyanaS**

Hello! I always love new readers. Thank you very much for your review. Oh, I'm blushing – thank you so much. I'm glad you think it's well-written and thanks for all the flattery. I'm sorry I started killing you and really sorry to admit this is an Eleven-Rose story. I do hope the kisses in this chapter made up for a bit of the pain I have (and will continue to) put you through?! Promise, next chapter will be the goodbye and she will be together with him as soon as I can make it. It won't be ten chapters till they're together again, I don't think. That's too frightening a prospect to even contemplate! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I would love to hear from you again! Have a merry Christmas and wonderful festive season!

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**Marcela**

Thank you so much for your review and, trust me, you're not the only reader who hates me right now. I hope the kisses in this chapter make up for it a bit. I'm glad you've decided to stick with me – and this story! Sorry I can't really say this is less of an angst fest, but I do hope you enjoyed it nevertheless. I would love to hear from you again. And have a merry Christmas!

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**MagnusIsKewl **

Yay! A new person! Thank you for your review. Well, she won't die. She'll be reunited with Eleven. This whole story would be pointless – not to mention heartbreaking – if I did that, so don't worry. I am working towards a happy end though it is a bit slow in coming :) I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I would love to hear from you again and wish you a merry Christmas in the mean time.

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**cecilehem **

Thank you, as always, for reviewing. It's always a pleasure to hear from you. I definitely understand your protest; many of my other reviewers have issued similar protests. You will be glad to know that it's because of you guys that I've decided to have a bit more of a... passionate scene between the two. Originally there weren't going to be any kisses (neither drunk or sober ones).

Sorry, the reunion will be with Eleven. If it helps, I think he is only childish because that's the face he puts up to others – mainly Amelia. It's a facade; like in Charlie Chaplin's song (think it was his, anyway) 'Smile though your heart is breaking'. I think he smiles and pretends and hopes dearly, with every fibre of both his hearts, that eventually it will become real, that it won't hurt so much, that he'll stop missing her, stop being so alone.

Agreed, he wasn't in a real relationship with River or anyone else. But don't worry; I'll add a bit more depth to him and you'll see he'll be absolutely perfect for Rose. Ten needs Rose like he needs air to breathe. Eleven was born missing her, not having her – and he'll be perfect to help her heal.

I can't say anything with regards to Ianto. All I know of him is what I saw in Doctor Who and the occasional references in fanfictions. I've never watched Torchwood, so I can't comment. I've just gone with what I knew from the show, sorry. He will come more into play later on when Rose has made her way back yet again.

*lol* I know, it is. I tried to write it as non-creepy, non-invasive as possible, but there's still two of him, both wanting to be with her. It was not ever not going to be entirely non-irksome, sorry. I've separated them since then, though, so hopefully that'll help.

I'm sorry I've decided to go down the same pathway as others you've read. I always intended to have her with Eleven right from the start, which is why the beach had to happen the second time as well. Sorry.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter! Have a merry Christmas with all your loved ones, lots of fantastic prezzies and an all-around joyous holiday season. I would love to get another review from you!

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**50penny**

Thank you very much for your review. I know; I love Ten with Rose – real ten, not the metacrisis – and definitely sympathise. You're not the only reviewer to mention it, hence the kissing scene. I hope it made up for it a little bit.

Jack and Sarah Jane will come back into play later but they're pretty much gone for a few chapters, sorry. Yeah, Donna will be memory-wiped. Sorry. No way around that for now. I'm glad you enjoy the heartwrenching stuff as well and quite right; Doctor Who is nothing without some harrowing, tremendously heartbreaking scene here and there.

I know; I loved House and Cuddy – or even, of sorts, him and Cameron. I hated how they suddenly turned him into a non-functioning addict. Rubbish! So glad you're a fan of Rose/Sherlock too, now. Anyway, have a fabulous Christmas holiday and I would love to get another review from you! Feel free to PM me anytime as well!

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**Jaenelle Masen**

Hi, new person! Thank you so much for your review! And I promise, right here and now, River will not ever be the Doctor's wife in my story. I like River's character of sorts – I mean she's perfect – just not as the Doctor's wife or in any kind of relationship to him, really. Sigh. Anyway, that's my fix-it. Rose. And yeah, she'd definitely love them both (bowties and the fez). I would love to hear what you think of this chapter! In the mean time have a brilliant Christmas holiday and all the best!

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**Rosesroses25 **

Yay! Another new reader! Thank you very much for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope this chapter met your expectations as well! Please review again! Have a merry Christmas.

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**Tykhe-Nemesis **

Yay! Thanks for the lovely review. I liked the comfort food too. Looking forward to having Rose interact with Eleven and see him eat the food he used to loathe *lol*.

Well, River will definitely not marry him. I won't allow it. But I'm glad it at least explained actual canon slightly for you with my reasoning. Your other question has been answered in this chapter; it won't be years, it'll be days if not hours, depending on her choices and her strength of will. And as you read in this chapter, she won't be able to touch them. Sorry. Bad Wolf Bay will be in the next chapter; no more holding off, so hopefully that will answer mostly everything.

I'm glad you liked all my side-characters. Sarah Jane and Jack will play a larger role again later, Mickey only a side one, but they will all turn up again sooner or later.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I would love to hear from you again! Have a merry Christmas and wonderful holiday season!

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**Zorobak **

Hi newcomer! Thank you so much for your review; I'm hoping you're enjoying the story thus far. Unfortunately, were he to learn the truth, I don't think he could ever bring himself to leave her behind, no matter what. So he won't find out yet, sorry. I would love to hear from you again but in the mean time, have a merry Christmas!

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**Umi-Uma**

Thanks for the lovely review. I'm glad you're looking forward to Eleven. To be honest, so am I. Though I'm already missing Ten. But yes, Eleven will be made missing her so he will be perfect for her in many ways. And I'm glad you enjoyed Martha. She'll come back again later but in a very minor role only. I would love to hear from you again. Until then, have a joyous Christmas with all your loved ones!

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**Shadow Eclipse**

Thank you so much for both your reviews! I am happy you're enjoying the story and thanks for the flattery. I hope you enjoy this chapter just as much! I'd love to get another review from you. Have a merry Christmas!

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**Kylaia78**

Hi! Thanks so much for your review. I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter! Sorry for the wait, I hope the kisses made up for it a bit! There will definitely be a happy ending; I'm not cruel enough to put you all – and myself – through all this hardship without a reward. No, Rose and Eleven will not be without their difficulties, but they will be very, very happy ultimately. I would love to hear from you again and hope you get some more sleep this time! Have a merry Christmas with all your loved ones and lots of prezzies!

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**Darkwolfberlin **

Halloele! Liebe Dank fuer deinen Kommentar.

Ich bin ueberrascht, dass ich dich doch noch schockieren kann! Hast gut getippt; haette es beinahe nicht fuer Weihnachten geschafft, aber hier ist es dann doch noch. Wie du siehst, sind da leider keine schockenden Enthuellungen dabei. Das naechste Kapitel sollte das mit dem Strand sein; sorry. Abe rein gutes Ende kommt auf jeden Fall – halt nur mit Eleven und Rose anstatt Ten. Ich vermisse Ten jetzt schon *schnief*. Meine Leser waren auch alle entsetzt (lese:empoert) und haben leichte Andeutungen gemacht (lese:stark beschwert), sodass es in diesem Kapitel dann letztendlich Kuesse zwischen Zehn und Rose gab. Hoffe es beruhigt die Gemueter etwas!

Ich wuerde mich auf jeden Fall freuen, wieder von dir zu hoeren und bis dahin noch eine fantastische Weihnachtsfeier und viele Geschenke!

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**XSunshine95X **

Hi again! Thank you for your lovely review! My first review for this chapter; I was rather dreading the response, so thank you for being so kind! I hope you know that the kiss-scene in this chapter is largely due to you – and others, admittedly – because I felt I should be giving you something back for sticking with me even after that rather cruel chapter! So I hope you enjoyed this chapter; I promise brother-Jack will make an appearance again later on, but not soon, I'm afraid. I will try my very best to keep measuring up to your standards and I would love to hear from you again. I'm also flattered to hear I've given you your motivation back; not quite sure how I did that, but you're welcome?!

Until then, I wanted to wish you a very merry Christmas with all your loved ones and a happy festive season!


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